This week’s “Impact” felt like a complete waste of time in so many ways. Reviewing it in the traditional manner simply isn’t possible, as the questions and comments floating around my brain far outweighed all attempts at even-handedness.

AJ Styles (w/ Kazarian) vs. Rob Terry: I refuse to call Rob Terry “The Freak.” You can’t make me! This match hurt to watch, as the guy who is widely considered one of the best wrestlers on the planet today, the guy who has carried TNA on his back since Day One, and the guy who has held the company’s World Heavyweight, X-Division, and Tag Team titles multiple times each, was shown to be so incompetent that he had to have help cheating to win a title that means nothing from a guy who routinely received chants of “You can’t wrestle!” and “You’re on steroids!” Sad, just painfully sad. AJ is so much better than this.

Winner (and NEW Global Champion): AJ Styles

To the back! Bad girl Sarita and Madison Rayne complain about their respective problems with former tag team partners. Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich approach them, and the bitchery ensues. Velvet is the best one on the mic, though Madison definitely has her moments.

To the office! Dixie Carter blasts the road agents for getting involved in last week’s brawl. Dixie comes off as an overly-apologetic junior high school teacher, not a corporate head honcho. This segment did not make much sense.

Sarita & Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love & Taylor Wilde: The big deal here was Angelina Love being forced to return the Knockouts title belt to Madison Rayne, as the TNA Board of Directors had no proof that one of The Beautiful People was the mystery motorcycle woman. Love got the pin on Rayne, but it hardly mattered. The match was far too short, around two minutes for a tag team match, and more time than that was devoted to the post-match appearance of said mystery motorcycle woman. Love, Wilde, Sky, LVE, Rayne, and Sarita were all out in plain view, so it’s clearly none of them. Rayne and Sky argued over LVE, each ordering her to follow them. LVE left with Rayne, but played the sweet and conflicted babyface the whole time. We all know that she’s just mentally challenged. Remember when the Knockouts division was something NOT to be embarrassed about? I’d like to see Angelina Love and Sarita have a series of matches. Where are Hamada and Daffney??? What happened to Rosie Lotta Love, the big stripper from Team 3D’s school? Debut her weeks ago, and she’s never seen or heard from again? Way to go, Hogan and Bischoff and your “the Knockouts can’t work, so scale back their tv presence” attitude. I hate you. So very, very much.

Winners: Angelina Love & Taylor Wilde

(Madison Rayne is the Knockouts Champion again)

To the back! The ECW Originals are here.

Kurt Angle (#8 Contender) vs. Hernandez (#7 Contender): As if anyone has the slightest doubt how this match will end. Seriously, why add the retirement stipulation when it was not in the least bit necessary? The potential last match of Kurt Angle should be treated as a huge deal, not a throwaway tv match. If it can’t be limited to a ppv match, at least make it the main event or the last thing on the show. As great a wrestler as Angle is, and as much potential as Hernandez has shown, this match felt like both guys were going through the motions. Yes, Angle hit four German suplexes on Hernandez. Yes, Hernandez got up. Yes, there were counters and counters and the eventual tap-out by Hernandez to the Angle Lock. It just didn’t feel special in any way, and that isn’t right.

Winner: Kurt Angle (and presumably the new #7 Contender)

Post-match, Kevin Nash’s music plays and he comes to the ring, hugging Angle on the way. Nash calls out Jarrett and they argue over who the “log in the punch bowl” really is, with Nash calling Jarrett a selfish prick, and more bizarre ranting about Hall and Waltman and other things that make absolutely no sense at all. Nash is even cheered loudly for tyhis. Why is this segment on my tv? “The Pope” could have cut a promo. Hamada could have had a match. Xander loves you, Hamada! All kinds of cool things could have used this tv time. What is this even about? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Jeff Hardy vs. Samoa Joe: Mike Tenay called this match a purists’ dream match. Mike Tenay is an idiot. I was as huge a fan of the Hardy Boyz and Jeff Hardy as a singles wrestler as anyone. Jeff is a sports entertainer. He has never been, and never will be, anywhere close to the wrestler that Samoa Joe is. The match is good enough, but one questions whether anyone else NOT a former WWE World Champion would have been allowed to take Joe to a time-limit draw. I’m a big fan of the time-limit draw when properly used, and it was fine here. I just don’t see Jeff Hardy as the guy that Samoa Joe can’t destroy.

Winner: N/A (time-limit draw)

Matt Morgan vs. Mr. Anderson: Anderson wins with the Mic Check in a very short match. Post-match, Morgan attacks Anderson and used the mic to bloody him up. So now, Matt Morgan loses everything in record time? What did Morgan to to anger the Hogan/Bischoff regime? He’s a lifetime better than Rob Terry in every way, why not push HIM?

Winner: Mr. Anderson

Beer Money vs. the Motor City Machine Guns: This was by far the best match of the night, and the only reason why I watched the show, truthfully. This was a street fight, and the second match in a “best of five” series for the Tag Team Championships. The Guns being angry at how they were cheated out of last week’s victory was played up, and everything that you could want from a match between the two best tag teams in TNA was there. Until the end. ANOTHER ref bump, followed by the smashing of a beer bottle over the head of one of the MCMGs. Jeebus, why can’t TNA just let these guys wrestle? That each match has a stipulation is ridiculous enough. They should have started out with regular matches, and let the stipulation come in the final match. Using the beer bottle would be fine if it were done sparingly. Doing it every week lessens the effect. Is this entire program merely the backdrop for something between referee Earl Hebner and his son, referee Brian Hebner? I hope not, but I fear it. Fear it!

Winners: Beer Money

To the ring! Dixie Carter calls out the ECW Five of Raven, Stevie Richards, Tommy Dreamer, Rhino, and Mick Foley. She talks about TNA having the best fans in the world. She talks up ECW and extreme wrestling as something that all the TNA fans love. Uh, yeah, we saw the video clips of the mouth-breathers who wanted blood and chair shots to the head. What Hulk Hogan was to wrestling in the 80s, ECW was in the 90s. TNA now has both of those things on tv. Ok. What year is this? The current one? Oh, right.

Dreamer gets the mic. He speaks with great passion about ECW, and the influence that it had on the other companies. Before Samoa Joe, there was Taz. Before The Beautiful People, there was Francine and Beulah McGillicutty. All valid points, to be sure. Tommy tears up at several points while describing watching his friends get fired and the legacy of ECW run into the ground after the “One Night Stand” ppv was supposed to be the end of it all. Tommy compares TNA to ECW in all the right ways, and asks Dixie for one night to let the ECW legacy redeem itself. She’s the only one who can do it. She agrees, telling him that he is in charge of the whole thing, and they hug as we go off the air. Do they actually tell us when this “Extreme” reunion will take place? No. Do they tell us if it will be tv or ppv? No. We end the show having no idea what to look forward to. This living in the past does nothing to create a unique identity for TNA, or help talent who could really be the future of the company. Unfortunately, I think we’re all used to that.

Peace out,


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