Home ▸ Drowgoddess ▸ “iMPACT” Impressions 8/13/09

Cross the line!

Match #1: Christy Hemme defeats Sojo Bolt: We open going straight into the match, which is awesome. Christy looks great, and is better in the ring than she has ever been. Not top-of-the-card Knockouts action, by any means, but she certainly didn’t embarrass herself.

Tenay and West run down tonight’s card, and a split screen shows AJ Styles and Matt Morgan entering the arena.

Lauren interviews Taz about Samoa Joe’s loss to Hernandez. Taz says that Joe let himself down. Joe beat Joe. Taz will motivate Joe, and turn a negative into a positive. Homicide will be the one to suffer, and Joe will put him out. Solid promo with excellent delivery by Taz.

Match #2: Hernandez defeats Doug Williams: I still don’t like Hernandez’s new music. Hernandez holds Williams up in a suplex for an eternity before landing a backbreaker over his shoulder. Brutus Magnus distracts Hernandez, and Williams takes control. Williams targets the neck and shoulders. Williams goes to the top turnbuckle, but misses a back senton. Don West is awesome! He says that the TNA fans aren’t the smartest of people, are the chants of “USA! USA!” for the Mexican or the Brit? Williams goes for a top rope cross body, but Hernandez catches him and plants him with a sit-down powerbomb for the win. Brutus magnus attacks hernandez post-match, but Hernandez disposes of him. Rob Terry attacks Hernandez with the “Feast or Fired” briefcase, and knocks him down. The British Invasion bails, and Hernandez gives chase once he regains his footing.

To the back! Hernandez grabs the mic from Lauren and yells something in Spanich. He leaves.

To the Mike Tenay sit-down interview! It’s with Bobby Lashley. Tenay says that he has followed every second of Lashley’s WWE career, and that professional wrestling wasn’t enough for him. Way to insult everyone, Mike. Is it possible to be successful in pro wrestling and MMA at the same time? Lashley says that he can. Tenay brings up the Main Event Mafia and Kurt Angle’s desire to be the greatest wrestler ever. Who would win between the greatest wrestler ever and the greatest MMA fighter ever? Lashley says that the fans will.

Jeremy Borash interviews Dr. Stevie (with a smokin’ hot Daffney) about his bounty on the head of Abyss. Dr. Stevie talks about defeating and destroying “Chris.” Abyss rushes in, grabs Dr. Stevie by the throat, and tells him to finish the job himself. Abyss is attacked by a chair-wielding “Outlaw” Jethro Holiday. For some reason.

To the back! Lauren interviews Tara, who has Poison crawling over her arm. Tara talks about Awesome Kong, and Lauren talks up the four-way Knockouts match. Tara is in creepy mode, and I likes it.

Match #3: Eric Young and Sheik Abdul Bashir (w/ Kiyoshi) defeat Rhino and Jesse Neal: Jesse Neal has the same haircut and ring gear that he had for his first match, which is appalling. Neal and Young (Ha! See what I did there?) start out. Rhino tags in and works over Young’s midsection. Neal tags back in. Tenay and West talk up the problems between Neal and Rhino. Young drives Neal into his corner, and Bashir tags in. Bashir tags in Young. Young levels Neal with a clothesline. Tenay and West talk up the “Steel Asylum” match that will take place at “Hard Justice.” The winner will be the Number One Contender to the X-Division title. Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, Consequences Creed, Jay Lethal, Amazing Red, Suicide, and a debuting “Pope” D’Angelo Dinero (formerly known as Elijah Burke) are in it. Why am I afraid that Dinero/Burke is going to be handed the win and a shot at the X-Division title for his debut match that happens to be on a ppv, and the true X-Division guys will get shoved aside yet again? I hope that I’m wrong. Young and Bashir isolate Neal, and quickly tag each other in and out. Rhino is not happy. Neal has a chance to tag in Rhino, but attacks Bashir instead. Young grabs his trunks and rolls Neal up for the pin. Post-match, Rhino yells at Neal and slaps him. When Neal turns away, Rhino sets up and Gores him. Tenay and West play Rhino up as the face.

To the back! Lauren interviews Rhino about his treatment of Jesse Neal, actually getting some bass in her voice and challenging Rhino about it. “What do you think this is, the Lifetime Channel?” Awesome! Rhino delivers a strong promo about respecting what Neal has done in the military, but doubting that Neal can handle wrestling.

Match #4: Tara defeats ODB (w/ Cody Deaner), Angelina Love (w/ Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky), andAwesome Kong (w/ Raisha Saeed): Kong and Tara go after each other, while The Beautiful People bail and hide from Cody Deaner. ODB drinks from her flask, and shares it with Tara. Tara “Hulks up” and smacks her own boobs. ODB climbs to the top and leaps off onto Kong, Raisha Saeed, and Cody Deaner. Tara climbs to the top and leaps off on The Beautiful People. Tara smashes her head on the floor. Kong and Tara fight to the outside. Angelina Love takes out ODB with the Botox Injection bicycle kick. Kong broke up the count. ODB and Kong go. Kong womanhandles ODB, but ODB kicks out twice. Tara and Angelina Love fight outside the ring. Kong chokeslams ODB. Deaner hops up on the apron and screams at Kong. Deaner acts like he wants to fight Kong, but grabs her by the head and kisses her instead. Kong stares at Deaner, then pulls him into the ring and plants him with the Awesome Bomb. Tara runs in and rolls up Kong for the win.

To the back! Lauren talks to AJ Styles about his upcoming match against Matt Morgan. With the “Best of Three” series tied at one win each, AJ’s loss will put Sting at a huge disadvantage.

To the back! Jeremy Borash talks with Team 3D. I hate that Brother Devon talks respectfully about Booker T and Scott Steiner. More kissing up to Harlem Heat and the Steiner Brothers, neither of which are current teams. Talking up the Team 3D versus Booker T and Scott Steiner tag team title match.

Match #5: Scott Steiner (w/ Booker T and Sharmell) defeats Brother Ray (w/ Brother Devon): This was a “No DQ” match. Steiner gets the mic and blah blah blah. Brother Ray takes a mic and kisses up to Harlem Heat and the Steiner Brothers, before pointing out that garbage is also a household name, and, like them, it’s getting old and stinking. Slow, plodding, power game. Sharmell and Booker interfere. Ray takes Steiner’s chain mail headdress and puts it on. The British Invasion come down and distract, allowing Booker and Steiner to put Ray through a table and get the win. This was barely a match, and far too short for this sort of thing. With interference almost right away, it was pointless.

To the contract signing! Mike Tenay oversees as Mick Foley and Kevin Nash sign contracts for the Legends title match on Sunday at teh “Hard Justice” ppv. Both guys have final pre-match comments. Foley says that he doesn’t think that he’s ever had a conversation with Nash that didn’t revolve around money. Doesn’t a sense of pride or accomplishment meananything to Nash? Nash tells Foley that he could have made $20,000 at the past weekend’s authograph session, which he thinks that Foley cost him. Why doesn’t Foley take the easy way out, like Nash always has? Foley says that Nash may look down on him, but he loves wrestling with the sort of passion that would allow him to do it for free. Nash strips down and calls himself an athlete and a businessman, while Foley is a pathetic wrestler. Foley says that he’ll bring his set of skills on Sunday, and Nash can bring his, and they’ll see what happens. Foley says that they’re on a wrestling show, in a wrestling ring, with a title contract for a wrestling match, and nobody’s going through that table? Nash says that he doesn’t get paid for that, so he won’t go through it or put Mick through it for free. Mick says that he would put Nash through the table for free, and then announces that he thinks that he will go through the table for free. Foley runs off the ropes and hurls himself through the table. People cheer.

To the video package for the “Steel Asylum” match!

To the back! Lauren interviews Matt Morgan. Morgan feels no pressure, and is completely confident that he will win. He guarantees victory, in fact.

Match #6: Matt Morgan (w/ Kurt Angle) defeats AJ Styles (w/ Sting): This was the rubber match to determine the third man in the three-way dance at “Hard Justice” for the World Heavyweight title. AJ takes the match to Morgan by running the ropes and landing a flip dive over the top rope. AJ and Morgan fight on the floor, and AJ takes Morgan down with a flying forearm. Morgan is finally rolled into the ring and the bell rings to start the match. AJ puts Morgan in the Figure Four leg lock for a long time. Morgan screams, but won’t tap. Morganmakes it to the ropes, and AJ breaks the hold. Morgan gets his wind back, and uses his power against AJ. Morgan dominates AJ. Don West says that Angle has announced that this is Morgan’s last test for MEM membership. If Morgan wins this match, and helps him retain the title, he’ll be in. AJ kicks out several times, but Morgan continues to toy with him, and won’t allow AJ a chance to get in any offense. Morgan goes for the Carbon Footprint in the corner, but AJ dodges and lands a few punches. AJ hits a missile dropkick, but Morgan kicks out at two. Morgan catches AJ in a side slam, but AJ kicks out at two. AJ hits a Pele out of nowhere, but Morgan kicks out just in time. Morgan takes AJ’s head off with a Carbon Footprint, and gets the pin. Matt Morgan, Kurt Angle, and Sting will fight in the “Hard Justice” main event. Post-match, the entire MEM comes to the ring, applauding. Angle gets a mic.

Angle praises Morgan, and claims that the MEM was scouting him to recruit him all along. Morgan says that he thought that he was selling himself to the MEM, not the other way around. Angle says that Morgan has one last little thing to do before getting in to the MEM. Morgan says that Angle can’t possibly be asking him to help Angle retain the title. Angle says that he’s not asking it, he’s demanding it. Morgan calls Angle “little man,” and tells him that no one demands anything of “The Blueprint.” He isn’t passing up this opportunity, and he will be walking out of the match as the new World Heavyweight Champion. Angle is furious, and has to be restrained by the MEM as Morgan exits up the ramp. Morgan’s face turn is here.

“Hard Justice” Predictions:

Bounty Match: Abyss vs. Jethro Holiday

Abyss needs the win here.

Winner gets World Heavyweight title shot from the “Feast or Fired” briefcase: Hernandez vs. Big Rob Terry

Hernandez has got to get the win here.

New Japan IWGP Tag Team Championship match:  The British Invasion (champs) vs. Beer Money

The British Invasion retains, if only because New Japan already issued one statement (later retracted) that they didn’t recognize the title change, and it can’t possibly happen again.

“Steel Asylum” match (winner is #1 Contender for the X-Division title): Alex Shelley vs. Chris Sabin vs. Jay Lethal vs. Consequences Creed vs. Daniels vs. Suicide vs. Amazing Red

If there were a god, Chris Sabin would win. That being said, Jay Lethal won the last one. I’m picking Daniels to win. This is all null and void if Don West was right, and Elijah Burke debuts as “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero in this match. If he does, you can just hand him the win, as that’s the track record here. 

Knockouts Championship title match: Angelina Love (w/ Madison Rayne and Velvet Sky) vs. ODB (w/ Cody Deaner)

Angelina retains. Please.

X-Division title match: Homicide vs. Samoa Joe (w/ Taz)

Homicide retains. He hasn’t had the title long, and there’s been no focus on it since he won it. He shouldn’t lose it yet.

Tag Team Championship match: Booker T and Scott Steiner (champs) vs. Team 3D

Team 3D should win here. I doubt that they will, but they should.

Legends Championship match: Mick Foley (champ) vs. Kevin Nash

Foley retains. Why let him win it if he’s going to lose it right away?

World Heavyweight title match: Kurt Angle (champ) vs. Matt Morgan vs. Sting

Angle retains. It’s Angle, duh.

That’s it for the real-time. Check back Sunday for a review of “Hard Justice!”

Peace out,

Drowgoddess

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