“Impact” Impressions 8/19/10By Drowgoddess · · Leave a Comment
Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We open with Abyss and Jeff Hardy fighting backstage. Mike Tenay and Taz carry on that they were caught completely off-guard, and the sound check wasn’t complete. Tenay says that Hardy has lain in wait all day for Abyss, to avenge Abyss’s attack on Rob Van Dam. They fight into the Impact Zone. Compared to last week’s ending beat-down, this looks embarrassingly fake. Jeff Hardy as a psycho badass? Not buying it here. Something on Hardy’s back is blurred out. Seems a bit high to be butt crack, but that’s most likely it. Hardy and Abyss fight out to where the fans wait to get in. Security, in the form of Gunner and Murphy, fight down Hardy with night sticks. Cut to the ring.
Eric Bischoff comes to the ring, looking upset. He wants Ric Flair to know that “we” are going to hold him responsible for the attack on EV2. More ass-kissing to Dixie Carter, and assurances of holding Flair accountable. With all respect to Hardy, Abyss has no idea what is coming his way, courtesy of HHHogan and Bischoff. Oh, say it ain’t so! Insert your own joke here. RVD’s condition is much worse than they had thought. 117 stitches, head trauma, the works. RVD will always have a home in TNA, if and when he should choose to come back. Bischoff, HHHogan, and Dixie met to take the course of action that they thought that the fans would want. Their collective resignations and suicides? No. No, we could never be so fortunate. Since “the show must go on,” RVD is stripped of the title, and an 8-man tournament will be held, with the finals taking place at the “Bound for Glory” pay-per-view. Hold it! What about the Top Ten Rankings? Can anyone even tell me who is at what position in said rankings? No, of course you can’t, and I’m actually TRYING to follow all this on a regular basis. Twenty minutes in to Total Nonstop Action, and no match.
Rob Terry vs. Jeff Hardy: This is the first match in the tournament for the World Heavyweight title. Yeah. I know. Hardy moves slowly and limps a great deal, following the attack from Abyss. Terry throws Hardy around. Rob Terry is an awful wrestler, so very painful to watch. This match plays injuries against lumbering incompetence. Not much here, really. Even the “Hardy” chants are fewer and less enthusiastic than one would expect. The Twist of Fate followed by the Swanton Bomb get Hardy the win.
Winner: Jeff Hardy
To the back! Ric Flair and Fortune exit a limo, all dressed in suits. Douglas Williams is among them now.
To the video recap! HHHogan steals the spotlight from EV2 and says that he gives them his ring. Fortune destroys EV2, with Flair screaming and belittling Dixie.
To the back! HHHogan is on the phone, saying that he’s thinking about quitting. REALLY??? Promise??? He didn’t sign up for what went down last week. RVD looked like he was dead. HHHogan built the whole company around RVD. RVD can’t be replaced, he’s like the President. They tried to kill the President. Yeah, that’s pretty much what RVD’s blog said, too. As big an RVD fan as I’ve been, if that blog were passed around the TNA locker room, I wouldn’t be shocked if he got messed up for real. He’d totally deserve it, too.
Jay Lethal vs. Mr. Anderson: This is the second Round One match in the World Heavyweight title tournament. Anderson gets his entrance schtick. Lethal shows off his athleticism, though a bit sloppy. The “asshole” chants are a bit much, but even those chants are fewer and less enthusiastic than one would think. This match is just boring. I’m not a huge fan of either guy, but I can certainly appreciate a good match. This isn’t it. Certainly not for a World Heavyweight title tournament. Anderson drops Lethal with the Mic Drop for the win, but helps Lethal up afterwards.
Winner: Mr. Anderson
To the back! Christy Hemme interviews Angelina Love, who promises that she’ll have back-up of her own tonight, and begs Madison Rayne to bring her motorcycle bodyguard to the ring with her. Angelina Love is a great talker and a very good wrestler, and all the people who are down on her because they think she’s ugly can get stuffed.
To the video recap! The Motor City Machine Guns’ victory over Beer Money, and the interview clips from “Reaction” remind us of the mad ninja AWESOME that was last week. Actually, it’s pretty much the entire segment from “Reaction” covering the tag team title matches and the MCMG/Beer Money feud. Next week, the MCMG will be in action. Hey, at least we got an acknowledgement of the action, and there’s a good reason for them not to be there.
Madison Rayne (w/ Motorcycle Chick) vs. Angelina Love: Rayne rides to the ring with the Motorcycle Chick, and both women enter the ring. Love enters alone. Who is her back-up? It’s Velvet Sky! All four brawl outside the ring as Love kicks MC in the gut and Sky attacks Rayne. Rayne throws Sky head-first into the steps, and the match begins. Rayne does Alex Shelley’s Skullfucker move. If he can’t do it, why can she? Seriously. Sky grabs Rayne’s foot, allowing Love to land a solid Botox Injection and retain the title. Post-match, Love and Sky raise hands in a show of new unity. Rayne and MC rush them from behind and beat them down.
Winner (and STILL Knockouts Champion): Angelina Love
To the back! Here comes Fortune. Since Fortune is merely a way to keep Flair in the spotlight, I really don’t care.
To the ring! Fortune stands around, looking impressive. Flair has a mic. I really don’t care. Mumm-Ra the Ever-living needs to go. Flair introduces “Big Bad Doug” from London, England. Flair has also hired Matt Morgan as his “insurance policy.” Mumm-Ra continues to babble and shout. Trashing EV2 and the concept of hardcore wrestling. He can crash an airplane and walk around talking about it later. He’s that hardcore. EV2 can kiss all of their asses. AJ finally gets the mic, praise be to Jeebus. Since AJ actually possesses the ability to use multiple levels of tone when he speaks. Nobody has wrestled in this ring more than AJ has, he IS TNA, this is the house that AJ Styles built. Dixie Carter interrupts. He may have built this house, but she owns it. Her house is also EV2’s house. They all come out, injured and moving slowly. Dixie says that HHHogan and Bischoff had tried to warn her about Flair, but she wouldn’t listen. Now she knows better, and the days of giving them all the benefit of the doubt are over. When last we saw EV2, they had no contracts in TNA. Now they do. Flair screams and babbles, and Foley steps forward. It’s hard to understand what Foley is trying to say, because Flair continued screaming and ranting over Foley the entire time. Foley told of a down-on-his-luck Flair calling Foley and crying about not knowing what to do with his life now. Foley severely regretted ever bringing Flair in to TNA. So do I, Mick. So do I. Flair screams some more, challenging Foley. Foley says that he doesn’t take orders from Flair, he works for Dixie Carter. Flair shouts that what on his resume makes anyone think that he takes any crap from a woman. Um, the four ex-wives who wiped him out in every divorce? That statement alone should result in Dixie firing him. It won’t, but it should. Tommy Dreamer gets the mic, and says that they are following Dixie’s instructions to leave everyone alone for the moment. Abyss will be taken out in the way that EV2 knows how. Until last week, Dreamer and Company respected AJ. No more. Tonight, Dreamer and AJ will wrestle, and it will be extreme.
Douglas Williams vs. Kurt Angle: The X-Division Champion and newest member of Fortune faces Angle in the third Round One match in the World Heavyweight title tournament. No question how this match will turn out, which is a shame. Angle and Williams could really go for a series. They have the impressive technical match that one would expect, but nothing outstanding. Angle wins with the Angle Lock.
Winner: Kurt Angle
To the back! Sting and Kevin Nash are teaming up again. You have got to be kidding me. I refuse to document this.
Sting and KevinNash hit the ring. Nash says that he isn’t out there for the money, he’s out there because he loves what he does. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sorry, I spit up my juice. Nash shouts that no one tells him what to do, they ask him. No one tells him to step aside, and if someone wants his spot, they can come and try to take it. Jeff Jarrett comes out and suggests that Nash and Sting are not good people. Jarrett insists that TNA is much better off with the HHHogan/Bischoff faction in the company. More ass-kissing of said faction. HHHogan joins him. That’s right. No Samoa Joe (he’s still suspended), no MCMG (exactly), no Brian Kendrick, no Hamada, no Daffney, no Generation Me. Sting and Nash refuse to act like heels, and Jarrett and HHHogan aren’t bad either, and no one watching gives a flip about any of this nonsense. The lights go out and Fortune beats everyone down. If Flair would just drop dead of a heart attack, the Fortune bit would be fine.
To the back! EV2 discuss their plan of action. Raven disagrees with Dreamer, but insists that he does have his back.
Matt Morgan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero: Yes! Pope gets his entrance, which IS one of the greatest in modern wrestling. Much is made of Morgan’s stealing a pin on Pope last week, and Pope being out for revenge. Morgan overpowers Pope at first, but Pope takes over and brings the awesome. Morgan’s elbows in the corner. Morgan picks up Pope and makes to do something, but drops him unceremoniously. Morgan slams Pope down, trash-talks him, and slaps him repeatedly. Morgan remains in control, and goes to kick Pope in the head against the ringpost. Pope dodges, and Morgan kicks the post. Pope drags Morgan into the ring and pins him. Sweet!
Winner: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero
The brackets are now Jeff Hardy versus Kurt Angle and Mr. Anderson versus “The Pope.” Angle beats Hardy and Anderson beats Pope, with Angle to win the title. I’m calling it now.
To the Mick Foley video package! He’s with EV2 and will follow Tommy Dreamer every step of the way.
AJ Styles vs. Tommy Dreamer: This is the main event, and is not a part of the World Heavyweight Championship title tournament. This is a better match than I expected, because Dreamer is better than I expected. He outpowers AJ and anticipates most of his moves. Good! The action is rather back-and-forth, with AJ opening up Tommy’s forehead. Much is made of Tommy’s injury at the hands of Raven at the “Hardcore Justice” ppv, and AJ’s exploitation of it. AJ chokes Dreamer in the ropes and looks straight at the camera as he screams, “I’m gonna kill you!” No. That’s too much. Wrestling aided in the suspension of disbelief by avoiding knives, guns, and specific mentions of death for much of its existence. We don’t need them now. Fortune walks down the ramp, but is cut off by EV2, and they brawl all around the ring. Abyss runs in from the crowd and drops Dreamer with a Black Hole Slam before bailing. Referee Earl Hebner does not see this, due to the chaos around the ring. AJ steals a win by pinning Dreamer, and the brawling continues.
Winner: AJ Styles
This show was nowhere near as good as last week’s show. I don’t care about ratings or numbers or anything else. This was not a fun or entertaining show, and I would not become a TNA fan by watching it. I’ll keep watching as long as the MCMG are tag team champs, but when they, along with Samoa Joe and AJ Styles, leave the company (and I’ll not at all be surprised if they all do within the next year), I’m done with it.
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