“Impact” Impressions 9/10/09By Drowgoddess · · 3 Comments
It’s line-crossing time!!!
We actually open with a match in progress! Seriously, when was the last time that that happened?
Match #1: Team 3D vs. Beer Money vs. Booker T and Scott Steiner vs. The British Invasion: Mike Tenay informs us that the fallout from last week in regard to the tag teams has been handled in a tag team gauntlet match. The four tag teams that have been at each others’ throats since last week are facing off, with one man entering at a time, and once all eight men are at the ring, a pin or submission may be used to get the win. James Storm is the last man out, in a spectacular football helmet with beer cans on either side. The crowd is solidly behind Beer Money. Kurt Angle sits in the back, keeping an eye on Booker T and Steiner. Brutus Magnus steals a pin on Scott Steiner after Booker T makes the save for Steiner. Angle and the Main Event Mafia are furious at Magnus, and Booker shoves Magnus around while Doug Williams shouts at him.
Winners: The British Invasion (Brutus Magnus and Doug Williams)
To the back! World Elite and the Main Event Mafia explode, with Magnus refusing to back down and saying that he was there to win, Angle shouting that he’ll deal with them later and Booker yelling that The British Invasion are just rookies, man, just some rookies. Uh, yeah, Doug Williams is such a rookie….
To the ring! Kurt Angle calls out Matt Morgan. Morgan complies. At least he isn’t wearing that ridiculous DNA cape. Morgan has his own mic. Angle tells Morgan that Morgan has misunderstood his good intentions, and is a bit too immature to understand now, but in time, he will. Morgan is on the cusp of being the newest MEMber. Morgan cuts off Angle with, “Let me guess. There’s just one more little thing I have to do.” Sting’s music plays, and Sting comes to the ring with AJ Styles. Tenay and Taz talk up how Sting “talked AJ off the ledge” in regard to his wrestling career. Sting asks Morgan why he would believe for a second that Angle would have his back in the ppv. Sting and Morgan have a fantastic exchange where Sting gets in Angle’s face, using Morgan’s catchphrases. Sting repeatedly tells Morgan that the MEM needs Morgan, not the other way around. Angle interrupts, saying that AJ was a quitter, and that Sting is just using AJ to get one last shot at glory. At least Angle is honest about his intentions, and is using Morgan to keep the World title. AJ makes Angle repeat that. Morgan explodes verbally on Angle. Jeebus, Morgan is a solid promo! He ends by telling Angle to use him tonight like he means to use him at the ppv. Morgan offers to be in Angle’s corner during Angle’s match against AJ and Daniels later tonight. I never thought I’d gush over Matt Morgan’s mic work. I am!
To the back! Lauren asks Earl Hebner about his call last week concerning Eric Young dressed as Homicide. Hebner yells at Lauren.
To the back! Mick Foley puts Dr. Stevie in a match against Abyss to collect his own bounty.
Match #2: Daffney and Alissa Flash vs. Sarita and Taylor Wilde: This is part of the Knockouts tag team tournament. I’m a huge fan of three of these ladies, so it fall sinto the “sit back and watch” category. Alissa Flash is all power, Sarita is the high-flying queen, and zombie-hot Daffney is just nine shades of awesome. Sarita gets the pin on Alissa Flash after an impressive slam.
Winners: Taylor Wilde and Sarita
To the back! JB tells World Elite that Kurt Angle will be stopping by. Eric Young cuts a very solid promo about World Elite doing what was right, and whatever it takes. As one professional and one leader to another, his door is always open. Come by and have a little chat. World Elite treated Magnus’s win as a great thing. I smell faction issues!
To the back! Lauren interviews Suicide about “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero targeting him. Suicide says that the Dark Savior is coming, and there will be a cleansing next week.
To the ring! It’s the Motor City Machine Guns! They have their own commentary table, and get on headsets. Commentary gold ensues. You just have to hear it.
Match #3: Jay Lethal vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero: The Pope is super over! Loud chants of “Pope is pimpin’!” A very athletic match. Lethal hits a beautiful suicide dive through the ropes onto The Pope. Tenay points out that tag team partners are banned from ringside, as per the referee’s new authority. The Pope clotheslines Lethal over the top rope and onto the back of his neck, and it looks bad. The Pope continues to target the neck. Lethal is back in the match , and we’re back to give-and-take. Lethal is more high-flying, The Pope is more power moves, but they mesh very well. The Pope targets the neck again, and hits Lethal with the running double knees to the back for the win. I absolutely LOVE Dinero’s music!
Winner: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero
The MEM goes to the WE locker room and Angle yells about Brutus Magnus being out of line in pinning Steiner to win the match. Eric Young cuts another brilliant promo refusing to apologize or back down in any way to Angle and the MEM. They shake hands and leave. Steiner is the last to leave. Steiner looks at WE and asks if any of the foreigners have anything to say. Steiner spits on the ground at their feet and says, “That’s what I think of foreigners.” The tension builds!
Match #4: The Beautiful People vs. Madison Rayne and Roxxi: The MCMG are still on commentary, and have plenty to say about the entrances of the Beautiful People. Roxxi sports shorts with stars on them, a red halter-ish top, and a brown pageboy haircut. Roxxi shows some fire and some sweet moves, including a Voodoo Drop. Angelina Love pins Madison Rayne, pulling the tights and showing some ass.
Winners: The Beautiful People
To the back! Cody Deaner wants a tune-up match against a Knockout in preparation for his Knockouts title match against ODB.
To the video package! Kevin Nash and Mick Foley.
To the ring! Mick Foley joins Tenay and Taz at the commentary table.
Match #5: Abyss vs. Dr. Stevie: This is a special challenge bounty match where Dr. Stevie can claim his own bounty. Dr. Stevie assaults Abyss before the Monster even gets in the ring. Dr. Stevie goes after Abyss with a barrage of chops and kicks, but Abyss flattens Dr. Stevie with a splash in the corner, followed by a Black Hole Slam. Post-match, Kevin Nash sneaks to the ring and attacks Abyss. Weakly. Dr. Stevie and Nash beat down Abyss, but Foley makes the save.
NOTE: “Slammiversary” was a really good show. I don’t understand how it got a 7,000 buyrate. It was good.
To the ring! Eric Young and the World Elite are out to recruit Hernandez. They want him in their family, to be treated as an equal and given a fair chance. The MCMG play video games at their commentary table. Alex Shelley wears cool shades while playing his game. Eric Young calls out Hernandez to join them. Loud crowd chants of “Shut the hell up!” Hector Guerrero comes out instead, to some vaguely Latin rock music. Old Man Hector channels the spirit of Eddie with the standard “vato loco esse” bit. The crazy googly eyes are a bit much. This promo was just bad. Most Mexicans that I know would not find Hector Guerrero amusing. Young interrupts, and says that WE didn’t start this. The people did. Young respects the Guerrero name and the accomplishments the family has made in the wrestling business. That’s why Hector is still standing. Young tells Hector to go to the back and tell Hernandez to watch the monitors, because he will give Hernandez a reason to talk to him face to face.
Tara in MMA gear. Hot.
To the video package! Tara, Poison, and general awesomeness.
Match #6: Tara vs. Cody Deaner: This match is fought under MMA rules. Tara looks absolutely smoking in MMA gear. The MCMG are still on commentary, and can actually be heard this time. Further commentary gold ensues. Tara beats the daylights out of Deaner as the MCMG mock him. Tara dodges and Deaner punches the ref by accident. While the ref is out, Awesome Kong rushes the ring, flattens Tara, and plants her with the Implant Buster. Kong bails, and as the ref recovers, he sees a laid-out Tara on the mat. The referee declares Deaner the winner.
Winner: Cody Deaner
To the back! Lauren corners Cody Deaner and questions him about the match he just had. Deaner screams about Mike Tyson, Chuck Norris, Tony Danza, and Carrot Top. The less said about this, the better.
Tenay and Taz run down the ppv lineup for “No Surrender.” We see video footage of Rhino attacking Lashley at Lashley’s gym.
Match #7: AJ Styles and Daniels (w/ Sting) vs. Kurt Angle and Samoa Joe (w/ Matt Morgan): Morgan sits in a chair and watches from a distance. Daniels and Angle start. The action here was fast-paced and very good from all four guys. Joe goes for a chair outside of the ring on the floor. Morgan picks up his chair and gestures at Angle. Angle tries to throw AJ head-first into the chair, but AJ stops the move and throws Angle head-first into the chair instead. AJ pins Angle for a three-count! Post-match, Morgan laughs and apologizes. Angle slaps Morgan. Morgan grabs Angle and plants him with the Hellavator. Morgan leaves.
Winners: AJ Styles and Daniels (w/ Sting)
To the back! World Elite throws Homicide into a wall and prepare to carry him to the ring.
Hernandez rushes the ring and chases World Elite to the floor. Homicide points at the WE members on the apron, and when Hernandez turns around, Homicide hits Hernandez with a chair. The rest of WE beats down Hernandez. Homicide smiles as he shakes hands with WE, drapes a Mexican flag over Hernandez, and is lifted onto the shoulders of WE.
FINAL THOUGHTS: So LAX is dead. I’m really sad that we never got the big LAX vs MCMG tag team title feud that we so should have had. Must a tag team always split up to push the members in singles directions? I really don’t think so. The Knockouts tag team matches have been very strong. I’m not in the slightest bit entertained with Cody Deaner as the Knockouts champion, but it is what it is. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero continues to look great, both in and out of the ring. Why on earth are the MCMG on commentary, at their own table, no less, if we can’t hear them on every match??? Come on! Kurt Angle got pinned by AJ Styles. Brutus Magnus pinned Scott Steiner and World Elite is now in trouble with the Main Event Mafia. Matt Morgan is clearly out to get the World Heavyweight title for himself. It truly seems to be the young lions’ time, and I’m tremendously excited about it. This was a very solid episode of “Impact,” and the build to “No Surrender” has been very good. The bashers and nay-sayers would do well to actually watch for a change, and they would see some truly enjoyable tv.
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