“Impact” Impressions 9/17/09By Drowgoddess · · 3 Comments
Open house was canceled, allowing your Empress of “Impact” to provide you with the real-time after all! Instead of my usual predictions for Sunday’s “No Surrender” pay-per-view at the end of this real-time review, check back with us some time tomorrow, right here at BWF, for our first-ever staff roundtable ppv predictions. ThinkSoJoE, JT, Legend Killer, The Green Teabagger, and yours truly will all offer thoughts and comments on TNA’s upcoming ppv, and considering what some of these guys post in the thread, you know you don’t want to miss this!
And now, it’s line-crossin’ time!
The show opens with the Motor City Machine Guns on commentary, welcoming us to the show! GOLD!
Match #1: Tara (w/ Poison) and Christy Hemme vs. The Beautiful People: Tenay and Taz show clips of last week’s Knockouts tag team matches to bring us up to speed. The MCMG can’t be heard on commentary after the initial introduction. Boo! Tara and Love start. Tara out-powers Love, repeatedly pulling her up by her hair. Hemme tags in, but gets the worst of the action from Love and Sky. Tara and Angelina Love can really go in the ring, Christy Hemme and Velvet Sky, not so much. Tara tags back in, and hits the bellydancer standing moonsault on Sky, but Sky kicks out at two. Love tags in, and Tara and Love go at it on the floor. Madison Rayne comes down to to the ring with hairspray, while Hemme and Sky go at it in the ring. Rayne sprays at Sky, but gets Hemme in the eyes instead. Referee Slick Johnson sees it, but does nothing. Sky rolls up Hemme and gets the three-count. Rayne shows The Beautiful People a brown paper bag with her face on one side, and “I’m sorry” on the other. The three make nice again, and The Beautiful People are a trio again.
Winners (and advancing in the Knockouts tag team tournament) : The Beautiful People
To the back! Lauren interviews “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero. She asks him about his issues with Suicide. Dinero calls him “Suicidey.” “The Pope” is going to resurrect Suicide, only to pimpslap him back to hell! Best. Line. Ever. He says that yes, we all know the Pope is pinpin’, but tonight there will be no forgivin’. He tells Lauren that later tonight, “The Pope” is going to lay his hands on her. Awesome!!!
Match #2: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Suicide: Suicide rushes the ring and attacks Pope straight on. Fast-paced action, and the sort of athleticism you’d expect from these two. LOUD “Pope is pimpin’!” chants. During the in-ring action, the MCMG are briefly allowed back on audible commentary. More gold! “What kind of pope buys “Twilight?” The MCMGs proceed to shred “Twilight.” Pope stands over Suicide and pimp-slaps him. Suicide regains momentum with repeated dropkicks. Suicide goes for a top rope splash, but Pope brings up the knees to the gut. As Suicide recovers, Pope pulls down both kneepads and hits the running double knees to the back. Pope gets the pin and three-count.
Winner: “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero
Tenay and Taz run down the rest of the card for tonight. An angry Rhino walks backstage as we go to commercial break.
To the back! Lauren tries to interview Eric Young, but he shushes her and lets Kiyoshi take the mic. Kiyosho speaks in Japanese, and Young responds in English. Young says that Hernandez would not have been in TNA without Homicide, and Hernandez got greedy. Young says that Hernandez is still his brother, and he will not raise a hand against his brother. Homicide takes the mic and calls out Hernandez for leaving the gang. When you leave the gang, you get destroyed. Hernandez changed, and since Homicide made him, he’ll destroy him. Good stuff!
Video package of Rhino and Bobby Lashley.
To the ring! Rhino has a mic, and yells at everyone to shut the hell up. Rhino never played politics, and watched people move ahead of him in TNA for years. TNA gives Rhino Jesse Neal. Neal humiliated Rhino in the ring, so Rhino had to kick his ass. Rhini points out that this isn’t MMA, he’ll take a steel chair to Lashley’s head and watch him bleed in the ring. Rhino calls out Dixie Carter for not talking to him and making Lashley the savior of the company. He shouts to Carter that his name is “The War Machine,” and she’s better remember that, toots. Brother Devon comes out and says that Rhino is crying like a little bitch. “Whiner” chants start up. Brother Ray wanted to come down and take Rhino’s head off because of what Rhino did to Jesse Neal, but Devon calmed him down and came out to talk sense to Rhino. Devon reminds Rhino that in a little company called ECW, Team 3D had done for Rhino what Rhino had done for Jesse Neal. They didn’t beat him up in the ring, they told him what he did wrong, he fixed it, and he moved on. Devon tells Rhino to come to the back, rehash old times, and move on. Rhino attacks Devon, which causes Brother Ray to run out. Team 3D go after Rhino.
To the video recap! Last week’s trickery of Hernandez was shown again.
Match #3: Kiyoshi & Sheik Abdul Bashir vs. Hernandez: This is a two-on-one handicap match. Hernandez pwns everyone. Cool double hip toss. I hate the name “Supermex.” It’s stupid. World Elite’s double teams gain them momentum, and the two dominate the one. Hernandez catches Bashir on the tope rope and throws him down. Hernandez gives Kiyoshi a huge Border Toss, and gets the pin and three-count. Post-match, Homicide comes to ringside, where Hernandez grabs him. While Hernandez tries to pull Homicide over the top rope, Eric Young runs down and hits Hernandez in the back with a steel folding chair. When Hernandez drops, Homicide holds the “Feast or Fired” briefcase across Hernandez’s throat, and Young hits the case with the steel chair. Pretty stiff and looked brutal. Apparently, Eric Young meets Hernandez on Sunday at the “No Surrender” ppv.
To the back! Lauren interviews ODB about the Knockouts division and the upcoming title match against Cody Deaner. ODB refuses to let Deaner make a mockery of the Knockouts division any longer.
Match #4: Alissa Flash vs. Cody Deaner: This is a lumberjack match, with all the Knockouts surrounding the ring. Tenay and Taz cut back to the MCMG on commentary. Faces and heels work together well to beat up Deaner on the outside. They roll him back in, where Flash pins him easily. As soon as the bell rings, the Knockouts start fighting each other, with Awesome Kong and Tara almost falling on the MCMG announce table. Deaner retreats up the ramp, not seeing ODB behind him. The Knockouts stop fighting each other long enough to watch ODB brain Deaner with her flask and yell at him as he lies prone on the ramp.
Winner: Alissa Flash
To the back! Lauren tries to interview Kevin Nash, but he’s too busy with the parade of scantily-clad hot chicks coming through with photos and applying for the “Big Sexy World Tour” valet job. Nash hits on Lauren. A large woman with breasts falling out of her top so much that they have to be blurred out comes in and sits on his lap. Nash says that any guy can get with a ten, but a true swordsman can fence with a woman like this. Umm, ok…
To the back! JB interviews Mick Foley, who is quite fiery and focused on taking back TNA by winning the Legends title.
Match #5: Kevin Nash vs. Mick Foley (Legends Championship match): A title match right before a ppv? Nash’s “title vs. cash” match against Abyss has already been announced and posted on the TNA site. Does this not spoil the match? Ah, well. Nash overpowers and dominates Foley for the opening minutes. They fight to the floor, and back in the ring. Nash maintains control to drive Foley’s head into the post, opening up Foley’s forehead. Abyss’s music kicks in, and “The Monster” rushes the ring with a barbed wire bat. Abyss goes after Nash, resulting in Foley being disqualified for outside interference. Nash laughs. Abyss tries to explain to Foley, but Foley yells at him to leave.
Winner (and still Legends Champion): Kevin Nash
To the back! Lauren interviews Beer Money and Team 3D. Robert Roode and Brother Ray talk, as they have an upcoming match. James Storm and Brother Devon joke and drink beer in the background. Roode and Brother Ray tag team against Scott Steiner and Brutus Magnus. The winner gets the advantage in the “Lethal Lockdown” match at the ppv.
To the back! Abyss freaks out and completely breaks down with Lauren over the Mick Foley situation.
Match #6: Scott Steiner (w/ Booker T) & Brutus Magnus (w/ Doug Williams and Rob Terry) vs. Robert Roode (w/ James Storm) & Brother Ray (w/ Brother Devon): The “man advantage” in the “Lethal Lockdown” match goes to the team who wins this match. Steiner and Roode start. Roode gets the better of Steiner, and Steiner tags in Magnus. Magnus gets double-teamed by Roode and Ray before Roode leaves the ring. Now it’s Ray and Magnus. Steiner tags back in and distracts the referee so that Booker T and the British Invasion can assault Brother Ray. “That was cheating!” chants start. The best action in the ring occurs when Roode and Magnus are in. Steiner and Ray tag back in quickly. Roode tries to pin Magnus, but Rob Terry distracts the referee long enough that Doug Williams hits Roode with a title belt. Magnus pins Roode for the win.
Winners: Brutus Magnus and Scott Steiner
Match #7: Awesome Kong and Raisha Saeed vs. Sarita and Taylor Wilde: This is the other semi-final match in the Knockouts tag team tournament. We cut back to the MCMGs for commentary. Briefly. These four women are all good, so I’m sitting back to watch the action. Whoever wins faces The Beautiful People on Sunday at the ppv. It’s the raw power of Awesome Kong, the high-flying acrobatics of Sarita, the technical prowess of Raisha Saeed, and dexterity of Taylor Wilde. Good stuff! Taylor Wilde hits Raisha Saeed with a German suplex with a bridge for the pin and three-count. Post-match, Lauren interviews the winners at ringside.
Winners: Sarita and Taylor Wilde
The finals of the Knockouts tag team titles tournament will be The Beautiful People against Sarita and Taylor Wilde on Sunday at “No Surrender.” Interesting.
To the back! JB interview Kurt Angle about the four-way World Heavyweight Championship title match at the ppv. Angle is extremely confident, and has more pride than anyone else. He’s going to win.
To the back! Lauren interviews Sting and AJ Styles about the four-way World Heavyweight Championship title match at the ppv. Sting and AJ respect each other tremendously, and neither will lay down for the other in such a match. Each thinks that he’s going to win.
To the video package! Issues between Matt Morgan and Kurt Angle are shown.
To the Kurt Angle entrance! World Heavyweight Champion Kurt Angle joins Tenay and Taz at the broadcast table. So much for the MCMG commentary.
Match #8: Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan: This is a non-title match. Angle says that Morgan had a chance to join the Main Event Mafia, and he chose not to. He says that Sting and AJ will team up, and he now knows that Morgan is his enemy,, so it will be three-on-one. These two could have a great match, so I shall once again sit back and watch it. Power on both sides. Morgan throws Joe like he’s a rag doll. Morgan starts dominating Joe. Major crowd chants for Morgan. Joe fights back with intensity while Morgan taunted Angle. Big chokeslam on Joe by Morgan. Morgan attempts the Carbon Footprint, but Joe dodges to the floor, and Morgan follows him. Joe throws Morgan into the announce table, where Angle furiously attacks Morgan. Daniels runs out and attacks Joe.
Winner: No Contest
Back from commercial break, security pulls Angle and Morgan apart, but they fight again. Angle, in his suit, puts Morgan through the announce table with an Angle Slam. Fade to black.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I really like how the entire Knockouts division united (briefly) because they were so outraged at the idea of a man holding the title that they sweated and bled to make respectable and worthwhile. That the ODB/Cody Deaner relationship seems to be over is a plus for both of them, as well as for the audience. All the people that complain and criticize Eric Young as being a cheap knock-off of Chris Jericho aren’t recognizing just how good Young’s work has been. The British Invasion, Brutus Magnus in particular, has stolen two wins from the Main Event Mafia in a row. Interesting. Madison Rayne has to be back with The Beautiful People so that she can replace Angelina Love in the ppv match. Eric Young gets Hernandez at the ppv, but no Suicide/Pope? No MCMG? Bobby Lashley versus Rhino, but no MCMG? No Daffney? I object, your Honor!
Check back with us tomorrow and Saturday for reviews of “Smackdown” and “Superstars,” the BWF round table predictions for “No Surrender,” and more from the Lord and Master of Randomness, JT.
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