Home ▸ Drowgoddess ▸ “Impact” Impressions 9/23/10

It’s late. It’s here. It is what it is.

Rob Terry vs. Abyss: I think that we can all see how this match will play out. Rumor has it that Rob Terry is out of favor, and that people who supported him now distance themselves from him. While I certainly don’t want to see anyone in my present position of unemployed, let’s be honest here. Without the collective HHHogan/Bischoff obsession with huge, muscular, jacked guys who can’t move or wrestle well, Rob Terry never would have gotten very far. He never should have been IN favor to start with. During this match, I was overcome by the desire to hold up a sign that read, “I Hate Wales.” I do not, in fact, hate Wales, or anyone who lives there, but for a few short minutes, it was the main thing that I wanted to do in life. Abyss pulled up the railing and hit Terry with it, causing a DQ. This might have played better if Abyss hadn’t struggled so much to get the railing section apart. People shouldn’t be laughing at your psychotic monster. Terry lay prone next to the ring as Abyss walked away.

Winner (by DQ): Rob Terry

To the ring! Rob Van Dam, heavily bandaged and moving awkwardly, comes to the ring. During the previous match, backstage footage was shown of an angry RVD trying to get past security and other wrestlers. He has now apparently done so. RVD thanks everyone for the love and support and positive vibes that they’ve given him since his attack. He asks Eric Bischoff to come to the ring and talk to him. The Bisch complies, entrance music and all. RVD asks why he had to find out about this tournament for “his” TNA World Heavyweight title from other people, and why said tournament was even happening without him having a chance to defend the title. RVD doesn’t know whether Bischoff is doing this out of concern for RVD’s well-being or for ulterior motives, but there’s nothing that RVD can do about it now. He wishes the three competitors luck, and wants first title shot at the winner. Bischoff agrees. RVD says that the real reason he asked Bischoff to come out was to speak on his condition. RVD does not ever want to be seen as vulnerable or weak. His doctors have already given him a date of return. Can you guess what it might be? 10/10/10. Of course it is. RVD wants Abyss in a match at the “Bound for Glory” ppv. Bischoff again agrees. Though I still disagree with RVD returning so soon after a supposedly near-fatal beating, at least he seemed to care about his title loss and personal revenge now.

Cue “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero! Bischoff is still in the ring. Pope observes that Bischoff is handing out favors left and right, and the Pimptacular One wants a favor as well. He wants to know just what is going on in TNA. He knows a con man when he sees one, and he can smell crap from a mile away, and Bischoff is full of it. Why is Pope not part of the World Heavyweight title match at “Bound for Glory,” when neither Kurt Angle nor Jeff Hardy have actually won a match to get into it? Good point. Why does RVD automatically get the first title shot? Well, that one should be obvious. Bischoff hopes that Pope isn’t accusing him of what Bischoff thinks he’s accusing him of. It’s ok, guys, you can say “racism” here. Bischoff insists that they go to the back and discuss this as professionals, which they eventually do. A heel Pope is not a great idea. He was super-over, and constant, random flip-flopping in TNA has killed the momentum of more than one wrestler before. Honestly, if TNA weren’t so caught up in showing off how not-PG they are, and having Mr. Anderson do the “asshole” catchphrase, they would realize that heel Anderson is better than heel Pope.

To the back! Lacey Von Erich pouts as Angelina Love and Velvet Sky have their make-up done. When asked what is wrong, Lacey leaps up and shouts, “I’m really pissed off right now!” and launches into a tirade against Madison Rayne. Love and Sky remark that LVE has never been like this before. Note to TNA: In acting, there is a concept of “Don’t tell me, show me.” If you insist on making HHHogan’s favorite idiotskank a major part of the program, then at least make is less painful for the audience by letting actions speak louder than words.

To the back! “The Pope” reminds Bischoff that neither Kurt Angle nor Jeff Hardy have won their way into the World Heavyweight title match. Bischoff says that if Pope can beat Samoa Joe tonight, they’ll discuss making the ppv title match a four-way match.

Jeremy Buck (w/ Max Buck) vs. Chris Sabin: Now we’re getting somewhere. Remember when Generation Me was first brought in, and they were very clearly supposed to be early-days Hardy Boyz clones? The outfits and everything? Remember when the real Jeff Hardy got signed, and the Generation Me look changed back to more of their Young Bucks indy look? If TNA signs Matt Hardy (which I pray to all manner of wrestling gods that they do not) and reunite the Hardy Boyz, what will happen to Generation Me? It’s a serious question. Another serious question is what is up with the Future Mr. Drowgoddess’s hair? I’ve never seen it so short. It’s just odd. In any case, this feud is a textbook example of how to play up injuries. RVD, I’m looking in YOUR direction. Alex Shelley has not been seen or heard from since taking the double DDT at the last ppv. Sabin’s shoulder and neck are wrapped, and much is made of the damage last week’s beatdown did to him. Sabin wrestles the match pretty much with one arm, and can’t pull off his usual moveset. The ones he does do cause him a great deal of pain. Max Buck gets sent to the back, and Jeremy Buck takes it to Sabin for the bulk of the match. Sabin catches Jeremy and rolls him up for a sudden victory, but Max returns, and Generation Me beats Sabin down again, ending with another vicious double DDT from the second rope.  Yes, a top contender to the tag team titles couldn’t beat a one-armed Chris Sabin, but that isn’t the bad thing that some have suggested that it is. For one thing, Jeremy dominated most of the match. Sabin could not fight the sort of match that he is accustomed to fight because of his injuries, and Jeremy exploited that. The outcome makes perfect sense when you consider that Sabin is fueled by revenge for his tag team partner’s injuries as well as his own, has wrestled for longer than Jeremy Buck has and is the more experienced guy, and that Jeremy Buck’s arrogance and inflated sense of entitlement led him to underestimate Chris Sabin’s ability to win here. Buck’s loss doesn’t hurt his credibility. If anything, it earns him the right kind of heel heat while fan support for the MCMG escalates even further. This is really the only good thing going in TNA right now, and it’s as close to perfection as a fan could wish.

Winner: Chris Sabin

To the back! Lacey Von Erich and Velvet Sky will win the Knockouts Tag Team titles tonight. Another unannounced title match. Yay. Jeff Jarrett gripes about “The Pope” and his ego. He says that Pope should go out and wrestle like Kurt Angle or Jeff Hardy and get the respect of the fans. Um. Um. Pope was one of the most popular guys on the roster until recently, even more so than Jeff Hardy. Shut up, Jarrett.

Velvet Sky & Lacey Von Erich vs. Taylor Wilde and Hamada: A title match with zero announcement or build. There seems to be a pattern forming here. Hamada is awesome, but the pairing of her with Taylor Wilde is just flat somehow. The team chemistry is missing. I’d like to see Hamada and evil Sarita as a team. Wilde is a better wrestler now than she was in her “Upset Queen” days, but she just doesn’t do much for me. That LVE is being presented as a legit wrestler makes me sick. She can’t wrestle. I don’t care how hot she is. She is a terrible wrestler, and watching her stand and wait to get kicked in the head makes the whole thing laughable. Poor Hamada really has to hold back, and one has to wonder what she thinks of her decision to come here. It’s ok, Xander loves you, Hamada! Just as LVE is about to get the win on Taylor Wilde and cause the time-space continuum to rip open and implode on itself, Madison Rayne runs down and whacks LVE in the back with Tara’s giant helmet. Nobody sees it, and Wilde gets the win. Post-match, everybody tends to the fallen LVE. A frankly BS ending to a BS match that deserved better.

Winners (and STILL Knockouts Tag Team Champions): Hamada & Taylor Wilde

To the back! EV 2.0 arrives, in the form of Tommy Dreamer, Mick Foley, Sabu, Rhino, and Raven.

To the Jesse Neal and Ink, Inc. video package! This is a really good one, and TNA should be making these for everyone. Airing them on “Impact” as well as on “Reaction” would also be nice.

To the announce table! Dixie Carter announces that the live “Impact” on October 7 will feature a battle royale, involving every male wrestler appearing at the “Bound for Glory” ppv. The winner gets $100,000. I hate battle royales, particularly the “over the top rope elimination” variety that make it impossible for the smaller and more athletic guys to win. This has clustermess written all over it. It won’t be pretty.

Samoa Joe vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero: If Pope wins this match, Bischoff will consider adding him to the main event World Heavyweight title match at “Bound for Glory.” The match was actually going well for both guys until Jeff Jarrett came down to ringside. Why is the Founder of TNA here? Why, to cheer on Samoa Joe, of course.  This is stupid in so many ways. Firstly, Joe has made it plain that he cares nothing for Jarrett’s approval. Secondly, after Jarrett’s segment of backstage complaints, it plays like he came down to cost Pope the match, which is not at all babyface-ish. Thirdly, Jarrett’s presence makes this very important match (a potential spoiler in a ppv main event World Heavyweight title match, for heaven’s sake) a mere backdrop for what happens next. Pope is distracted by Jarrett long enough for Joe to choke him out and get the win. Kevin Nash and Sting come down and attack Jarrett. Joe fights with Nash as Jarrett and Sting do likewise. Sure, this may further the Nash/Sting/Pope alliance bit, but this was neither the time nor the place.

Winner: Samoa Joe

To the back! Christy Hemme talks to EV 2.0. It seems that there will be a Lethal Lockdown match between EV 2.0 and Fortune at the ppv. Tonight is a ladder match to determine which team gets the numbers advantage in said match. It’s AJ Styles against Sabu in a ladder match. Wasted on free tv with no previous announcement at all. People would have tuned in to see this if you had told us about it, TNA.

To the ring! Mr. Anderson calls out Kurt Angle, who enters in street clothes. Anderson talks a good respect talk, but reminds Angle that he is an “asshole” and that will not change. Angle praises Anderson as an athlete, and just when the bromance gets to be almost too much, Anderson holds up Angle’s arm and announces that it is “for the last time.”

To the back! Ric Flair gets his contractually obligated camera time to rally Fortune for tonight’s ladder match and the Lethal Lockdown at the ppv. Because, you know, the guys in Fortune couldn’t care about a match involving them without Flair to cheerlead.

To “The Shore” advertisement! Though I loathe and despise the actual “Jersey Shore” people with an unholy fiery passion of burning, this could be fun.

To the back! Kevin Nash and Sting tell Pope that they saved him just now, and deserve to share in any information that he has that could help them. Pope hesitates, but when Nash mentions talking to broads, and specifically to Miss Tessmacher, a lightbulb seems to go off over Pope’s head. He’s in, and they all fistbump. And here we all thought that Nash and Pope hitting on Miss Tessmacher recently was just the standard fare. This may prove more interesting than I had thought.

Sabu vs. AJ Styles (w/ Ric Flair and Matt Morgan): This was a ladder match to determine which faction got the numbers advantage in the Lethal Lockdown match at the “Bound for Glory” ppv. Why does AJ get to have two people come to ringside with him and no questions are asked? The referee sent Max Buck to the back rather quickly, and Fortune should get the same treatment. I know, I know, a ladder match is “no DQ” here, but it just makes looks foolish. During the match, Mick Foley enters, and Flair and Morgan go after him. All members of Fortune and EV 2.0 converge on the ring, and it’s all legal. Sabu almost gets the win, but a James Storm beer bottle smashed over the back of his head stops him cold. Storm then grabs AJ and literally pushes him up the ladder to get the key. Fortune now has the numbers advantage in the Lethal Lockdown match at “Bound for Glory.”

Winner: AJ Styles

To the back! Everybody’s favorite drug addicts share a BFF moment, and Rob Van Dam limps away. Abyss breaks into the room and beats down Jeff Hardy. Abyss carries Hardy to the ring, and puts the hurt on him some more. Another “Them” promo, complete with sex offender heavy breathing, commences. “They” will appear at “Bound for Glory” and begin the TNA takeover in person. RVD hops to the ring to make the save on a prone Hardy, but Abyss tosses him around. As Abyss is about to use Janice on RVD and Hardy, Ink, Inc. makes the save. No, really, they did. Interesting.

THE END

Peace out,

Drowgoddess

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