iMPACT results 2/11/10By thinksojoe · · 1 Comment
Greetings from ThinkSoJoE-ville! Yeah, yeah, I know. I stole JT’s Random Randomness intro and just changed JT-Land to ThinkSoJoE-ville. Anyhow, I’ll be filling in for chjpacheco tonight, as his grandmother is in the hospital. We here at BWF wish her a speedy recovery. Tonight, the 8 Card Stud Tournament continues, and um… Uh… well, that’s all that’s been announced so far. Ready? Let’s cross the line, brother!
Video: The recent feud between Mick Foley and Eric Bischoff, and Hall and Waltman turning on Nash.
“Hulk’s Moment of Truth”
Hogan and his knockoff nWo music head to the four sided ring. Who else is hoping that NXT has a six-sided ring, just to mock TNA? Hogan welcomes us to our iMPACT! Zone, and says he made the right decision coming to TNA because this place is “crackalackin.” Everybody’s talking about TNA everywhere Hogan goes. Apparently, the iMPACT! Zone is the place to be. Hogan feels like he’s cool again. This place is on fire, and this is the number one “in” place to be. A couple guys aren’t on the “in” – as a matter of fact, they’re on the outside. Hogan says this place is on lockdown and nobody’s even allowed to go to the bathroom. Seriously. He said that. Anyways, he’s talking about Hall and SyxxPac. They’re not allowed in. Hogan says he can see taking somebody out or getting even. The way X-Pac took out Nash (that’s what Hogan said – X-Pac), that’s not cool. If Hall and Syxx-Pac get in, they’ll have to deal with Hogan, even if he has to put on the red and yellow.
Eric Young interrupts Hogan. He wastes no time getting in the ring as the fans chant “underrated” (they’re right). Young tells Hogan that he and Nash are friends, and he needs a favor. He wants Syxx-Pac and Hall back in so they can get what’s coming to them. After tonight, the first thing Hogan will learn about Young is that he’s never afraid to get his hands dirty. Hogan asks if it’s his turn yet. Just because he just walked in a couple weeks ago doesn’t mean he doesn’t know what’s going on. He knows about Eric Young. One of the reasons Hogan came here was because of Eric Young. He wants Young to know who he’s talking to when he talks to Hogan. He gave The Band their last warning. They’re not getting in. It’s a done deal. Young says out of respect for Hogan, he won’t do it in here. It’s out of respect that he tells Hogan that if he’s not going to let them in, he’ll have to do what Kevin would do, what the people would do. He’s going to go to them. Hogan says that what Young is going to do, is not do it on his watch. Do it the right way – take it outside, off the property, and bust ’em up real bad.
Mick Foley is wondering if Eric Bischoff is here – he’s in his office.
@BrotherMeter Hulk Hogan said #brother 13 times in that segment of #TNA Impact. #brother
@BrotherMeter Honorable mentions: Man 2x, Jack 4x, Guys 3x, Dude 1x. #brother (these maybe be a little off, but don’t count anyway)
Scott Hall and Syxx Pac are trying to find their way into the iMPACT Zone, where we’ve got an 8 Card Stud qualifying match pitting Orlando Jordan against The Pope, D’Angelo Dinero.
D’Angelo Dinero def. Orlando Jordan
These are two guys who can go in the ring who never really got a fair shot “up north.” OJ takes control, and the fans get on his case with a “you still suck” chant. Pope ducks a clothesline and starts to take over. Pope gets a two off of the Coronation, and OJ takes over. He tries to throw punches with Pope, but that’s never a good idea, and pope proves it by punching OJ in the face, then nailing him with the D’Angelo Dinero Express for the victory!
Jeff Jarrett tells Eric Bischoff he know’s what’s going on. He hopes he delivered in his match with Ken Anderson. Bischoff says he enjoyed that match more than any other match in the last decade. He thinks he miscalculated how valuable Jarrett is for this company. He’s a world class athlete. That’s music to Jarrett’s ears. Jarrett thinks they’ve made some headway. There’s two slots open in this tournament (there’s three, according to the graphic they just showed), and he wants in. Bischoff doesn’t know if Jarrett’s really ready for this. Besides, if Jarrett wins three matches at Against All Odds and becomes number one contender, that’s not really starting over from the bottom, so he’ll pass. Jarrett concedes and walks away.
We’re back and we’re set for some knockoff Metallica and an 8-Card Stud Tournament qualifier match! Suicide is in the house, and his opponent is one half of the TNA World Tag Team Champions, The Blueprint, Matt Morgan.
Matt Morgan def. Suicide
Can a video game character win a real life World Heavyweight Championship? Why not, a guy who played a wrestling fan in a movie did it under Vince Russo’s watch. Anyways, Morgan uses his size advantage to dominate early on, telling us “that’s why I’m The Blueprint.” Suicide avoids a charging Morgan, and the Dark Savior takes over, using his quickness to his advantage, until Morgan catches a charging Suicide with the Carbon Footprint for the victory.
Pope, Angle, Wolfe, Hernandez, Anderson, and Wolfe are all in.
Mick Foley enters Eric Bischoff’s office, much to Bischoff’s surprise. Foley says that he’s willing to climb on board to do whatever is needed, as long as he can get some assurance that JB and Abyss will be taken care of. Bischoff wasn’t expecting this. Foley says it’s tough. Bischoff is thrilled. Abyss and JB are fine, and in fact, as far as Abyss goes, he’s got one of the two available slots – against the perfect opponent. He’s been around a long time, thousands of matches, former champion. Mick Foley! Foley says he’ll get ready. Bischoff says we’re done with the Cactus Jack look. If there’s any shenanigans between Foley and Abyss, Abyss’s mask comes off next week on iMPACT! Bischoff amazes himself sometimes.
It’s clarified that Foley and Abyss will be an opening round matchup at Against All Odds in the tournament.
Christy is backstage with Ken Anderson and Kurt Angle, opponents at Against All Odds, but partners tonight. Anderson says he’s carried so many people in the ring that it doesn’t matter who his opponent or his partner is. Anderson essentially says he’ll win the tournament and go on to win the title. Angle looks less than amused. He doesn’t know what Anderson’s intentions are, but he’ll have eyes in the back of his head tonight. If Anderson screws him, he’ll snap his ankle faster than that ridiculous microphone can fall from the ceiling. Angle walks away, and the microphone drops from the ceiling in the locker room and he says his name.
Backstage, Angle tells Eric Young not to go after The Band. He tells him he can’t trust Hogan. Angle says he’s going after them alone and for Angle to stay here.
We’ve got a return match for the X-Division Championship. Former Champion Lackluster Amazing Red is without Don West – whatever happened to that storyline? His opponent is British Invasion member, and current X-Division Champion, Doug Williams, who is here without Rob Terry and Brutus Magnus.
Doug Williams def. Amazing Red to retain the X-Division Championship
Red uses his quickness to his advantage early on, but Williams finally catches him and slams him face first into the mat several times. Williams takes too long to get to the top rope, and Red catches him with a kick to the head, then hits a corkscrew suicide press to the outside, to the delight of the sheep in the iMACT Zone, who chant “That Was Amazing.” After a bit more back and forth in the ring, Red misses a senton splash from the top, and Williams tosses him shoulder first into the post, before hitting Chaos Theory for the victory.
Still to come, Angelina Love and Tara will face The Beautiful People
Video: Tara and Angelina Love’s feud with each other, and their joint rivalry with The Beautiful People.
To The Back: Christy is standing by with Angelina Love and Tara. Angelina didn’t like Tara when she first came to TNA, but that’s the past. Last week, they had each other’s back, and tonight is no different. Tara says the plan for tonight is that it’s gonna get ugly. Real ugly.
The Beautiful People get me in trouble whenever I watch TNA – because apparently, I’m watching this wrestling program to look at women, instead of watching for, y’know, wrestling. Angelina Love does the same entrance, and TBP complain that they do it better. The Knockouts Champion, Tara, is accompanied by Poison.
Angelina Love & Tara vs. The Beautiful People
Angelina Love chases down Velvet Sky, but Sky takes advantage of a Lacey Von Erich distraction to attack and take control of this match for The Beautiful People. Love turns the tables, and Sky rushes in to tag Madison Rayne, much to Rayne’s chagrin. Tara gets tagged in, and things don’t bode well for Rayne. The Beautiful People head to the outside to regroup, and eat a baseball slide for their trouble.
Back from the break, The Beautiful People finally manage to get on the offense, managing to get Tara stuck in their corner. They use quick tags to their advantage, but Tara manages to create some separation and gets the hot tag in to Angelina Love. All hell breaks loose in this match as they often do. Love hits a pump kick in Sky, but the referee is distracted with Rayne and Tara, as Von Erich nails Love with the ugly stick, to allow Sky to get the pinfall victory.
After the match, Tara grabs the ugly stick and goes after the Beautiful People, but the numbers game is too much for her, and they leave her lying as well.
Desmond Wolfe is standing by with Christy. He’ll be teaming with Hernandez to take on Kurt Angle and Mr. Anderson. Wolfe says bullocks to “life is like a box of chocolates.” Life ain’t like candy. He calls Hernandez Super Maxi Pad, and says that the other guys in the match are Kurt Mangled, Misteeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.. wait for it.. rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Wolfe, and some guy who talks too much. He says nobody better try to take him out before Against All Odds, because if they do, he’ll take them out instead. Except he said it much more eloquently than I did.
We’ve heard from all of the participants – except for the Mexican one – and now we’re ready for tag team action, as Desmond Wolfe teams with Hernandez to take on Mr. Anderson and Kurt Angle.
Mr. Anderson & Kurt Angle def. Desmond Wolfe & Hernandez
Super Mex and Mr. Anderson kick things off, with Hernandez maintaining an advantage until Anderson tags in Angle, much to the dismay of Angle. Hernandez and Angle trade holds until Wolfe gets a cheap shot in on Angle and tags himself in. Wolfe works over Angle, but as soon as Angle starts to mount a comeback, Wolfe tags himself out. Hernandez uses his power to keep Angle on the defensive, then tags Wolfe in. Wolfe maintains the advantage, but Angle manages to get him in the Ankle Lock, but Anderson, for some reason, distracts the referee as Wolfe taps out. Wolfe tags in Hernandez, who goes to the top rope and is taken down by Angle. Anderson holds his hand out for the tag, but when Angle goes for it, Anderson “mysteriously” falls off the apron. Angle starts to mount a comeback against the freshly tagged in Wolfe, then decks Anderson. Angle drops Wolfe with an Angle Slam, then Anderson tags himself in, boots Angle in the midsection and tosses him out of the ring, then pins Wolfe.
Samoa Joe is walking backstage.
Joe comes to the ring and calls out AJ Styles. He says Styles disgusts him. He’s known AJ a long time, and when it came to the two best wrestlers on the planet, it was Joe and Styles. They didn’t rest on their laurels, they gave everything they had to these people. Styles knows as well as Joe does, that the most epic clashes in the TNA ring always involved Joe and Styles. That’s why Joe’s disgusted. Styles gave that all up when he took a shortcut to beat Kurt Angle. Ric Flair says that Styles is the champ. He’s the World Champion. He is the flagship. Joe’s right, AJ’s the champ, and Joe will learn the word respect. Joe tells Flair he can come try to teach him respect, but he’ll be limping his way to the hospital afterward. Styles was the last pure thing in this company. He didn’t cheat Joe, he didn’t cheat Angle, he cheated these people out of a real champion. Styles says what about Joe? He’s turned more coats than the dry cleaners. He was with the Frontline, the Mafia, then the Nation of Violence. Hey, how’s that going, by the way? Who is Joe to question AJ Styles? Joe knows his transgressions, and he’ll bear his crosses, but the difference between them is Joe stood up to everybody who said they would shake up TNA, whereas Styles dropped to his knees and kissed the ring of his new sugardaddy. Styles rushes the ring, but Joe starts to tear him apart. He goes for a MuscleBuster, but Flair hits a low blow, and he and Styles beat Joe down and leave him lying in the ring.
Styles is getting ready to leave, when Eric Bischoff cuts him off. Since the match at Against All Odds is so important, and given his recent history of cheating to win matches, Eric is going to be the special guest referee!
We get a rundown of the Against All Odds card.
Kurt Angle tries to leave the iMPACT! Zone, but is stopped by Hulk Hogan himself. Hogan says if Angle wants The Band so badly, he can go to the ring, then he unlocks the door to let Hall and Syxx-Pac in.
Angle heads to the ring and demands that The Band come to the ring, because he knows their boy Hogan let them in. Syxx-Pac hits the ring first, and Angle starts unloading on him. Hall tries to attack from behind, but Angle doesn’t let that happen either. Finally, as Antle is wailing away on Hall, Syxx-Pac pulls out some brass knucks and knocks Angle out. Hall and Syxx-Pac beat down Angle, when Hulk Hogan makes his way to the ring, shooting “4 Life” hand signals towards The Band. They hand him the brass knucks and hold Angle for him – but Hogan nails Scott Hall instead! Hulk Hogan is NOT with The Band!
Final Thoughts: I haven’t reviewed iMPACT since mid December, as chjpacheco’s been doing a hell of a job of keeping you guys covered on Thursday nights. Having been watching the show but not having to pay attention to it in the Hogan era has been pretty good, but tonight I realized that the company is just as nonsensical is it was before, perhaps even moreso. No, Jeff Jarrett, you can’t have a shot in the 8-Card Stud tournament because you have to start from the bottom and work your way up. Mick Foley, despite the fact that we’ve been telling you the same thing – start from the bottom and work your way up – you’ll get to face Abyss in the 8-Card Stud tournament. I get that it’s supposed to be more of a punishment for Foley than a reward, but still. Also, why was Foley leaving Bischoff’s office to go get ready for his match, when his match isn’t for another three days? By the way, for those keeping score at home, @BrotherMeter tells us that Hulk Hogan said #brother 1 time in 8th Quarter Hour of #TNA Impact, bringing our total to 14 “Brothers” uttered by Hogan this iMPACT.
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