Home ▸ Impact ▸ iMPACT Wrestling 06/09/2011-review

Welcome again to another wonderful Pintnoir Impact review. No declaration of struggling to watch the show, just plain old ‘noir coming to terms with this new direction good and bad.

Bad- Bischoff and Hogan come to the ring, cocky as always as they proclaim that iMPACT Wrestling is now back in better hands minus a “Network Stooge” calling the shots. Bischoff promises to better represent the X Division (sarcasm seeps from his every pore) They then proceed to call out the number one contender, Mr Anderson proceeded by the TNA champion Sting.

Hogan reminds the fans that “Wrestling Matters”. He also promises no run ins or interference on the part of anyone. Do I smell a swerve?

Anderson digs into Sting, that everything he stands for is a joke.

Sting rebuttals that the only thing standing between the complete corruption of TNA is him as champion. Borden (Sting) pleads with Hogan to change his evil ways and cut away the cancer that is Eric Bischoff.

Sting walks away.

Coming up next is the announcement for the Knockout Tag. Tara/Mickie vs Winter/Love

Let this match begin- Tara controls the early minutes of the match with Winter. Then tags in James who still keeps the good T.T Lesbian under wraps. Winter finally tags in Xxxombie Love, who puts the hurt on Mickie.  Funny side note* Taz mentions that the reason Angelina doesn’t have a lot more in her moveset is because she is a Zombie.

Eventually Madison comes down to the ring and pulls down Tara. This distraction leads to Angelina getting the DDT/Lung-blower finisher on Mickie for the 3 count. Afterwards Love punishes Mickie with a Sleeper while Winter looks on.

Mexican America Promo: Hernandez mumbles, Anarquia talks like a helium Chavo. Nothing is accomplished. Other than getting on my nerves.

Card for the main event tonight: EY/Sting vs Gunner/Anderson

-British Invasion on commentary?!

Mexican America vs Gun Money/Beer Guns.

Taz during commentary points out the poor record of British Invasion, Magnus is not amused.

Shelley and Anarquia start out the match. After a series of moves Storm is tagged in setting up what looks like the Guns kick in the face double team with instead is turned into a finger poke. Hernandez charges Shelley with a shoulder tackle, which in Hernandez’s hands could cause injury. Shelley dives on Hernandez on the outside. The Sitas jump up on the apron getting the ref’s attention as Storm has Anarquia pinned. Storm spits beer in there face. Turns around just in time for Anarquia to duck a super kick by Shelley into Storm’s face. Shelley out of the ring. MA gets the victory, to the displeasure of Roode.

Promo: Gunner and Anderson talk about taking out Sting.

Followed by a wrestling matters promo. I really convinced that management enjoys shoving this down our throats.

Mexican America confronts Hogan in his office, asking for a title shot since they beat Gun Mone/Beer Guns. Things get ugly when Lil Chavo accuses Hogan of being a racist. HH takes offense to being called a racist so he instead provokes sexual harassment against Sarita/Rosita. ( I don’t blame him, I’d do it too) Which causes Helium and Blackhole of Charisma to tell Hogan to watch his back.

Promo for Jarrett vs Angle finally match. Thank God.

Quickly followed by a Jarrett promo were he calls out Angle and lays out there history. How he brought in Angle, wasn’t given respect and he believes Angle is trying to erase his memory from TNA. He brags about taking away everything Angle holds dear, from his wife and kids to finally on Sunday his gold medal.

Angle retorts that he wants to thank Jeff for getting Karen out of his life. He promises to destroy Jarrett in the ring.

ODB promo talking trash about velvet sky and her nasty ways. Right before slapping her own breast.

Velvet Sky vs ODB later tonight

Ad for Bully Ray’s Open Challenge

Promo: Kendrick/Kazarian w/Janice are looking for Abyss.

Bully Ray comes to the ring, he starts to bully Hemme out of the ring while also insulting her Playboy cover. He challenges any single competitor to come out and face him. Except Devon.

What do we get? Rob Van Dam!@

To start Bully Ray sneaks up on RVD to do a modified powerbomb from the corner. Ray pretty much controls the match throughout with the occasional comeback from RVD. Out comes AJ. When Ray notices Styles while in the mist of a piledriver is countered. Van Dam is able to pull off a five star frog splash for the win.

Velvet Sky does her own shoot on ODB. Is really disgusted by her implants and patting of her “area” as she puts it “there’s a cream for it” Not to lose topic but didn’t Sky also have a boob job?

Anywho, Angle was in England talking about his 2012 Olympic qualification. Even at 43 he plans on entering. I wish him luck.

Kendrick/Kaz run into Abyss in the back who spouts philosophy about Sun Tzu. And proclaims the X division dead (again) and he’s renamed the belt the Xtreme title? (whatever, TNA with your multiple named belts) He challenges them to a 3way at Slammiversary. *yeah so saw that coming last week.* Kazarian calls the Sun Tzu babbling Abyss an idiot while Kendrick tries to convince Frankie (Kaz’s first name) about the dangers of not winning the belt on Sunday.

ODB vs Velvet Sky-  ODB comes out to no theme music since she is not signed to a contract. *Which by the way is funny considering she is having a match with you know a ref and all* Velvet gets the upper hand with a sneak attack (because obviously she knows she can’t win) And has control until the dirty one throws her into some steel stairs. After that it turns into a brawl with ODB dominating. Until while choking Sky and taunting her Velvet pulls out an impact ddt for the win. (against a competitor who is not on contract?) Lawsuit?

Pointless promo for Pope vs Devon, showing footage from Xplosion where D is being ambushed by Mexican America and Pope makes the save.

Main Event Time

Sting/Eric Young vs Anderson/Gunner- The match starts off with Anderson vs Sting before Anderson tags in Gunner, after some back and forth and two stinger splashes to the back of Gunner, Ken clotheslines Sting from behind. Anderson is tagged in. He stomps a mud hole into Sting. An Irish into the corner from Anderson which counters into an explosive clothesline later, EY is tagged where he proceeds to clean house. Fakes out Anderson with a Great Muta Mist spit but then while distracted is knock into Sting (which some how counts as a tag) Which allows Gunner to put away Sting with an F5. After the match Sting is angry and shoves down EY.

Reaction Bonus: Young chasing down Sting who tells him to stop being a comedy act.

AJ shoots a promo on Ray about getting in his head. Which causes the Bully to confront him to only be separated by security or as I call him Simon Diamond.

Sting grabs some war paint to chase down Anderson. Beating him up in a trailer and smears red paint all over his face before choking him out for all to see. Sting is vicious.

Fade out.

Sorry no gifs tonight.

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