Late Edition- Impact Wrestling Review- Where addicts get title shots in less than a year.By pintnoir · · 3 Comments
What am I saying its the wrestling business. Everyone gets second or third chances in this business just ask Jake the Snake Roberts. But that is later on in the show. We open with a Roode promo detailing his family struggles with his shady dealings that won him the title. (Obviously they must have been sleep walking during his Robert Roode run 4 years ago.)
Steve Borden (No Makeup makes him Steve) comes down to the ring to make an announcement about the “Inmates running the asylum” And how he is going to punish those who step out of line. First up is Robert Roode, or Bobby Roode who is called out after his heinous treatment of Dixie Carter. Roode comes out and him and Borden banter throwing as many puns out there that they can in ten minutes. That is until Borden calls out AJ Styles and then promptly follows it up with Jeff Hardy before telling Roode that he will be involved in a triple threat match in the main event. Roode is disgusted and so are probably half the wrestlers in the back who don’t sell the merchandise Hardy sells.
Next we have the knockouts in bathrobes in the parking lot, were Karen is in the process of verbal and physically undressing to wash the wrestlers cars. For some of the women this is a repeated performance of a past life, Velvet, Tessmacher, Tara and Angelina have all posed in revealing clothing inside and outside the ring so no real shock there. But Winter and Madison (who still annoys me but does look good in her two piece, what put her on mute and commence….oh yeah “pigeons loose.”
Wonder Years Jason Hervey interviews Hardy until Jarrett comes into the spotlight. He still mad that Jeff no showed a past event and came intoxicated to the ring in March and wants him gone. FYI: Does Jarrett really get off on being in the spotlight feuding with top talent rather than elevating Kazarian or Magnus? We will find out later tonight. Ray and Bischoff have a sub par meeting in the back, Which will lead to another Roode vignette. Where they continue to play the aftermath of his “Reign of Selfishness.”
More semi dressed Knockouts as ODB wondering around out in the parking lot most likely going home because she had nothing to do, runs into Karen who is watching the knockouts as closely as a lesbian prison warden from some 80’s sexploitation flick, propositions her to take out Mickie James adding the bonus of earning a title shot. Logic aside her wouldn’t the fact that Gail is allied with Karen make a title opportunity a moot point considering Gail and her posse would just cheat? But so far I’m liking this episode.
Three way tag match between Ink Inc w/Toxxin vs Mexican America w/ Sarita & Rosita vs The Pope and Devon w/o the 2 kids they share. I’m all-pro gay marriage with kids especially since Devon’s wife practically disappeared after a couple of appearances. Decent match that saw what will now be the norm in Impact Wrestling, make shift tag teams. Because who needs already made ones when you can… I’ll stop now I enjoyed it for what it was.
Aries comes out and cuts a promo where he says he has beaten everyone in the division clean. And that the division should be renamed the AA division, (in short his cocky heel promo rocked.) Kid Kash comes out all angry and ready for a fight. They spit back and forth making for a solid set up at Final Resolution for a X division title match.
Steve Borden and Jeff Jarrett have a fight backstage about how if Jarrett interferes in the main event there will be consequences. Which is all just foreshadowing for what is obviously going to happen.
More Roode family promo fallout. Mickie James vs ODB in a street fight. First off I’m wearing off on the Mickie Express. Her movements in the ring just seem so forced and over theatrical for me. Where as ODB who has been toned down from the last time she was there is a breath of fresh air. She stands out and in a good way. Sadly she has now become enhancement talent for Hardcore Country. After a solid showing the match ends when Mickie weakly (and ODB telegraphed putting the chair in front of her face) spin kick for the 3.
Interview with James Storm where Kurt Angle shows and taunts James some more telling him to show up next week to sign on for a match at Final Resolution. Ah heels and there non concern for concussions or torn hamstrings. Either way good promo.
Comedy Gold rears it head as Steiner and Ray try to find a way to calm down Abyss. Until the idea for sending 2 of the finest of “the big bad booty daddy’s” stable to satisfy him. What happens next is predictable but still caused me to smirk. Another Roode family promo better put together than all the others which should of aired at the beginning of the show and getting rid of the others leaving room for more matches but whatever.
Television title match where RVD no sells losing in favor of interference from Daniels setting up another pointless match between these two at final resolution. Next.
Back to the knockouts who now break out in a fight with soap and water, car wash style. Tara, Love, Winter and Tessmacher will help many through the night. Pope, Williams, MA and Ink Inc minus Toxxin come out to see all the commotion. It all ends when Gail sprays the girls down.
Bobby Roode vs AJ Styles vs Jeff Hardy in a 3 way dance. At first what starts as a beat-down of Bobby Roode basically becomes predictable as Jeff and AJ turn on one another. Jarrett interferes costing Hardy the match.
Borden comes out and makes a cage match at Final Resolution where if Jeff Hardy loses he is gone for good and if he wins he gets bumped back into the world title picture come Genesis. So since we know who sells merchandise we can expect the feud between AJ and Roode to end come Final Resolution and Jeff back in for the belt. hmmm.
In conclusion, I’m getting better at watching this program without belittling it lets see how long this will last.
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I think you are certainly getting better at reviewing Impact Wrestling, and can agree it is a hell of a whirlwind to attempt to review. In many ways, I enjoyed it more than Smackdown this week. You found much more silver lining in the Knockouts than I could have commented on, for example. I also like your division of make = Sting and no makeup = Steve.
I really enjoyed the Roode family interviews. At first, not so much, but as they progressed it became clear how they were developing his character and providing an answer to how he could go 180 from face to heel. In fact, by the end of the show (watched over two evenings, so maybe that influenced me), I looked at it as possibly one of the highlights of the year. Very well done.
The Rob Van Dam match was depressing to watch. First off, there were three guys named Rob involved here. BOO! RVD used to be one of my absolute favorite wrestlers. At this point, he's mailing it in. Depressing.
Austin Aries and Kid Kash might be a bit early, but I'm just going to enjoy the interplay for what it is. Best part of the show, IMO.
The clause "Steve" put on Jarrett getting involved in the mainevent was that there would be negative implications towards Jarrett if he interfered. Ok… so… obviously this was a predictable run in waiting to happen… but WTF? The implications end up being that Jarrett faces Hardy, and as you note, if Jarrett wins Hardy is gone… but if Hardy wins, he gets a title shot. So Steve is basically giving Jarrett the opportunity to finalize what he has been petitioning for in the first place? WTF? Yes, I realize Hardy is going to win (and hate this aspect too), but HOW ON EARTH IS THIS A NEGATIVE IMPLICATION?!?!?
Great review Mr. Pintnoir. We need to get you on the new BWF Radio before the PPV with Drowgoddess so the three of us can run down the card if possible. Hit up the facebook group and let's see if we can make that happen?
Also, I will be posting this identical comment on both sites. Great review, dude!
I've decided to try and at least enjoy it for what it is which is a flawed product that could use some tweaking. But what else is new from us "smarks" So the bikini car wash was nice from a male libido perspective but we still received a knockout street fight. so it is what it is. I would love to do the bwf radio show I will update when I pick up a microphone hopefully today after work.
Hit us up on the facebook group and we will figure out the radio thing when you can!