Home ▸ WWE NXT ▸ NXT 09/04/14

So let’s see if I can do one last one of these review things before I have to go to work. Yes it’s delayed. I blame Roger’s Cable. You should too.

One last hopping time!

“Rarely do I ever have a problem watching NXT. It’s almost always solid from top to bottom. I have spent time reviewing Smackdown and Impact, but why punish myself? Fuck that. NXT is where it’s at. This is not a move for move recap, just a diary of the experience of watching the show. I wish the WWE was always like NXT.”.

– This is all building towards next weeks NXT Takeover 2. There will be no review from me for that. I will try to check it out delayed, and illegally (because I have no choice). I expect it will be very good, and recommend you all check it out if you can as well.

– With that being said, nothing too much of consequence will happen on this show other than wrap up some loose threads to set up the card.

We got this, this week…

– * Non-Title Match: Charlotte {C} vs. Alexa Bliss. Alexa Bliss is great, but she has only been used very little. As a result, she looks to be used to help get the Charlotte/Bayley program ready. They’ve dropped Bliss’ sparkle blow gimmick as it has been reallocated to Stardust. Both women look solid here, Charlotte ultimately overpowers the petite Bliss.

– Post match Bayley comes out. The crowd chants, “Bayley’s going to hug you!”. Bayley demands to be taken seriously, because at NXT Takeover, she’s seriously taking Charlotte’s title. And she wants a handshake. Instead, they scrap briefly. Bayley holds up the title.

– Breeze tells us backstage that he is going to win because he is the best looking of the four.

– Interviews with Sin Cara and Kalisto who plan on winning the title shot.

– * Tyler Breeze vs. Tye Dillinger. Obvious finish, right? Right. But again, Tye impresses (as he did when involved in the tag-team tournament). In fact, Tye carries the majority of the offence here. Breeze wins, of course. Decent match.

But we didn’t get anything this awesome this week.

– Enzo visits a barber called, “Hair”. He amusingly notes he is here to get hair removal cream. As they make their way inside, he and Cass exchange yo-mamma jokes. Carmella, the hair stylist, provides a bucket. The two argue over the bucket and end up dropping hair removal cream all over fifi (a nearby poodle). Turns out the cream really works. That was pretty entertaining.

– * Tyson Kidd vs. Adam Rose. Rosebuds entrance, etc. This was taped after they reduced the extra’s pay 50%. And these Rosebuds REALLY show that. The NXT crowd at least still digs Rose. They should just keep him here. It’s a short match, much like all of these will be. And it’s ok. Tyson submits Rose via Sharpshooter. Shocking, I know.

@Charles Barkley @G: “Is it true G? Are you done doing reviews?”

@G @Charles Barkley “For now, Barks. It was fun doing NXT until Roger’s fucked that up. I may appear on occasion, but I am committing to nothing. Smell you later.”

– There are some interviews with Sami Zayn, and then The Vaudevillains.

– * Sami Zayn vs. Marcus Louis. I have absolutely no clue who Marcus Louis is until Sylvester LaForte comes out behind him. He is one of The Legionaires. I just never remember his name because he is the bland looking one. The pattern continues. All the guys going for the title get dominated by their opponent, until the end where they hit their finisher. Zayn submits Louis. This episode would be great for anyone new to NXT tuning this week out of curiosity.

– Post match, Enzo and Cass jump Sylvester and attempt to stick his head in the hair removal bucket. But LaForte heelishly escapes.

Nope… nothing this awesome either..

– * Non-Title Match: Adrian Neville {C} vs. CJ Parker. Neville had his interview segment prior. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Neville hits his missle drop kick and then his finisher. Pin and win. This match was ok, but by this point it’s too cliche for my liking.

It wasn’t good because of Arkham Asylum (Currently on Lockdown)

– * NXT Tag Team Tournament Finals Match: Sin Cara and Kalisto vs. The Vaudevillians. This match is given about 7 minutes. It’s well paced, and allows all four men to demonstrate what they can do, from the high flying to the technical. But there is no touching Kalisto here. He is clearly the top talent on NXT tonight. After some amazing high flying, Kalisto tags in Sin Cara who hits an amazing top rope senton! The Luchas are going to Takeover 2! Maybe they can make The Ascension look good?

– Speaking of which, The Entrance makes their Entrance and stand a top the stage holding up their titles…

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out. For a while.

– I will still appear on the BWF Radio show, folks. But I need a break from this reviewing stuff as it has become an inconvenience and therefore, not fun.

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I APPEAR WEEKLY ON BWF RADIO!

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Listen LIVE starting at 2 PM EST at Bored Wrestling Fan dot com, and where ever the hell Joe streams it this week.
Check out BWF Radio every week. It goes up on i-Tunes on Sunday in the late afternoon of North America
Call in and leave a message (via Skype or Gmail and save a buck) at: 1(716)-HOGAN-97

Make sure you tell’em “Jorge” sent you. I will give you a shout out, maybe even get herpes! Hey, free herpes! It’s a win-win situation, right?

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This NXT Rant Appears on Two Sites!

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WTF?

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Sept 6, 2013. I am a clone of G. I am currently handcuffed to one of the lower legs of G’s sofa in his apartment. Yesterday, while the real G was at work, monkey nearby shrieked at me to attempt to lift the sofa. It worked! I went to thank the monkey located in an open-doored cage on the stairs leading down to the basement of G’s basement apartment, and noticed a large man strapped into a chair in the basement. I then heard the original G returning home. I need to find his magical device that created me…

Sept 13, 2013. The real Gee has noticed my writing. That stupid fuck hasn’t deleted anything, but he did taze me repeatedly. I still think there is a monkey held captive on the stairs to the second level of this building.
Sept 20, 2013. Made progress today. Discovered some kind of cloning device. I used it to clone the device itself, and hid the copy under the couch I am “hand-cuffed” to. The monkey saw this, but I don’t think he’ll say anything. He’s a monkey, after all. Some dude named Johnny Storm stopped by to say hi. Weird.

Sept 27, 2013. An obese man who claims to be famous magically appeared in the living room today. He told me the cloning gadget I made a copy of has the powers to do much more. Sounded like a bunch of crap to me. I immediately knocked him out and tied him up beside the one the “real” G calls “Barks.” Both look the same. I killed the new guy and fed him to the other captives. I think. They both look the same. All of that future-talk and preventing the death of kayfabe annoyed me. Either way, one of the “Barks” was dinner. He tasted like chicken. Big surprise there.

Oct 4, 2013. So I guess the guy I fed to his doppleganger was actually able to escape last week with help from that J.T. guy. He was screaming something about “his” chair. Either way, G is pissed and punished me all week. He said something about maybe sending me to Fall Camp. I decided to not make any decisive moves. It seems for the best. Just like the WWE, I guess, albeit “best” isn’t the “best” word I’d use to describe the product.

Oct 18, 2013. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to write here. G has been continually sending me off to ancient historical eras to collect random artifacts. I don’t understand why a stool sample from Henry Hudson is so important. And what was the point of leaving a smoke bomb in the front hall of the Palace of Versailles on May 6, 1682? I’m told I’m going to have to… gotta go. He’s home.

Nov. 8, 2013. I’ve been sent on a bunch of weird missions. The most weird was when G sent me back to 2008. See, I snuck former PM Tony Blair into Buckingham Palace and stapled old-people-face to his kind of already old-people-face. No one has noticed even until today. I still don’t understand why he made me do that.

Nov. 15, 2013. This last week was even more bizarre. He made me put on some suit and a red tie and shave my head, and then pretend to be in control of his weekly scab collecting group. I burst in, and told the vice president and current scab champion collector that I was in charge. We bickered back and forth for a while, and then G kicked in the door dressed in drag and began shrieking that since he was the vice president of the chess club next door he was taking over. Very odd.

Dec. 6, 2013: Charles Barkley recently abducted me and took me on a cruise ship with him. We circumvented the planet, stopping at various ports-of-call, and living the high life again. It was really awesome. Then sadly, today, I awoke only to find myself back on the couch of G’s apartment. Was it all a dream?

Dec. 13, 2013. Nope, not a dream. In fact somewhat of a nightmare. This week I was forced to go to work for G while he vigorously stayed home masturbating (I can only assume) and eating nachos. Work sucked. Firstly, I am not trained to do anything G actually does at his jobs, so I looked like a complete idiot. Oddly enough, some fellow who has a Bruce Springsteen complex and calls himself “The Boss” told me that my work had shown significant improvement today. I am pretty sure G’s jobs don’t involve a body count, though.

Dec 20, 2013. Just got back from a reconnaissance mission to infiltrate Charles Barkley’s place. G insisted I take the monkey from the open cage on the stairs with me. He told me the monkey was given special orders, and my job was to get the little guy into the house. I did as I was told. Once inside, the monkey went to every toilet in the house and proceeded to defecate inside the water tank of each one. I don’t know what G is feeding that monkey, but damn!

Dec 27, 2013. Shit, I’m tired. G outsourced me to that dude who always invades via the apartment balcony to deliver bass strings to the bass player children of the world the other day. Turns out, I fucked up and gave a bunch of five and six string bass player kids, four string packs, so he made me go out AGAIN the next day to fix the problem. Turns out, that for some reason, descending into people’s homes via chimney is only considered acceptable behaviour one night out of 365. Or at least, that’s what police officers in 45 countries on the planet seem to think. I have to go out again tonight, but I’m just going to drop molotovs down the chimney instead. Fuck getting arrested again.

Jan 10, 2014. G sent me to the year 2018 to find some lady. Turns out she was laughing historically on February 6th. I return with this information. Not a very exciting adventure, and then me and the monkey play a game called hide G’s sandwich. The crawl space is full of’em.

Jan 24, 2014. I find a diary penned by a version of me, 8 generations ago. In clone generational math, that was about 3 minutes. Weird.

Jan 31, 2014. Today was a good day. I got to use my A.K. Daviel Batryan won the Regal Vibration. The WW’Eh Channel is available in Canuckstan. And the company hired a mainstream darling named D.N. Goth. This is the brightest timeline.

February 7, 2014. Went to the opening ceremonies. Yeah, that’s the ticket. The opening ceremonies. Many were lost in the battle today. I live on. Remember the fallen clones.

February 14, 2014. G said since it’s Valentine’s Day, I have to do something special for J.T. who is trapped in his apartment basement. When I asked why me, he screamed back at me, “THERE’S NO TIME!” and he proceeded to watch men’s doubles in luge. So, I took J.T. back in time to ride a brontosaurus. I don’t think he understand what I meant, but I have to admit, I’ve never seen a brontosaurus smile like that before!

February 21, 2014. G sent me back to lift Jamie Benn’s stick on a shot from the point to ensure the dreams and hopes of USA hockey fans were crushed like the hopes and dreams of Canadian WWE fans unable to order the WWE Network.

March 14, 2014. I was sent to get some popcorn from the future. Corn had become extinct in the year I was sent to. I searched for months and months (since time is relative) to no avail. When I was summoned back, I was repeated whipped and forced to drink bleach. I can see through time… Then I fell down a mountain and some random redhead giant kept shoving his pet snake in my mouth.
March 21, 2014. G sent me to be a ringer in some college basketball game today. Not sure why, he was mumbling something about busting 99% of people’s brackets. I think he really must have issues with shelves.
April 4, 2014. It’s been real quiet around here lately, ever since G took off to parts unknown. He didn’t leave me much to eat, and supplies are running dangerously low. That monkey is starting to look delicious. I wonder where Diddy keeps getting those Twinkies?
May 9, 2014. Finally home. G sent me on a very long bus trip where I was forced the wear a bunny suit and eat these little pills that made me feel funny. Every once in a while, a herd of these nut jobs on the bus and I would be led down to a boxing ring and play catch. But not catch with a dog or a ball. No. We had to catch this oily guy who must have kept slipping and falling off the ring apron every single time he went out to dance. I’m so glad that’s over with.

May 30, 2014. G said there is a special event this Sunday. I asked him what that meant. He looked at me with a dead stare for about 34 minutes, never blinking. Unrelenting, he opened his mouth and then closed it, and extended his middle finger. Great. Now I’m on monkey feces cleanup duty again.

August 1st, 2014. I am free. No more being caged in by Smackdown time travelling. I am free. Charles, Diddy and I enjoyed a Wendy’s Frosty on the patio today. G was said to be in a happy mood as he unlocked us. We returned to his apartment to watch Sharknado 2 as friends. It was a good day. I only used my AK once.

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Shameless Plugs!

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