Home ▸ Impact ▸ Pintnoir’s TNA Impact Review- The Road where Hardy, Storm, Bischoff and Mickie Travel to AAO…..

Presumably.  I could be wrong. Oh well. Lets dig in.

What we get is a refresher in repetition. The show opens with the Genesis title match recap, we watch (for what would be the second week in a row) Roode getting himself disqualified after kicking the ref in the ball sack. (Sorry for so much detail but I’m using spell check and I could use ebonics.) We then get the added treat of a repeat of that debacle where Ray yanks out Roode costing a no contest. Retaining the title. We now official start the show with Storm coming down to the ring announcing how he beat Angle for the #1 contendership and can’t wait to face down Roode at Against All Odds. But wait, just as he’s about to spout his catchphrase out comes Hardy. I have a feeling we will not get out one on one rematch between Roode and Storm? Hardy tells Storm that “no one is getting a title shot until he gets his final encounter.” Because now we live in Out World. Storm and Hardy have a mini face off talking of screwing and someone paying child support when out from the back comes Roode. The Charitable Champion has extended his limits with Hardy and tells James Storm that since the title match was a no contest his #1 contenders match is null in void. That is until Sting ” The Insane Icon”  Or as I call him Steve Borden, H.L.I.C tells the three men that tonight it will be The Cowboy James Storm vs The Charismatic Enigma Jeff Hardy, in a new #1 contenders match which doesn’t sit well with Roode.

We cut to Angelina Love, who does her best valley girl impression talking about how Eric Young touched her which is disgusting seeing as how he looks like ROH’s answer to Grizzly Redwood. Or because she is in love with Winter making her disgusted by men period. She decides to delay the answer to that and give EY a shot at touching her in a match. She tells EY not to bring her boyfriend to the ring. Sorry I would take ODB over Angelina Love any day, even if she wore a Klanshood.

Ric Flair, Manager extraordinaire leads Gunner out for his match against AJ Styles. What starts as a good match leads to repetition where Gunner gets mad and leaves the ring only to have Flair pep talk him back making for a stronger offense on his part. But the tide turns toward AJ that is until repetiton looms its head again. Chris Daniels along with his indentured servant Kaz march down to the ring. Like clockwork Flair distracts the referee leading for Kazarian to clothesline from the apron before sorrowfully walking back to his master. Gunner finishes off AJ with a spiked DDT for the win. But wait more repetition when Gunner goes outside the ring to finish off Styles. Daniels forces Kaz to watch but AJ gets away through the crowd.

In the back Bully Ray confronts Steve for a title shot. Why? Because he’s a moron. Borden reminds Ray about all the interferences he’s caused for Roode. Flat out tells him no. Ray gets in his face only to be stared down like a bully should. Magnus and Samoa Joe go on to what i suspect to be wonder years that tonight Magnus is going to kick the (bleep) out of Crimson or some such I could tell. Especially when Crimson shown his face during the interview and my computer screen went all (bleep) for about 10 to 15 seconds. That match follows.

And like a Early Mike Tyson fight it is over in three minutes. Crimson gets some early offense a couple of heel pins and is suddenly taken down with the Sky HIgh or Crimson Sky which it is now called. Joe comes out and jumps Crimson from behind hence the beatdown can commence. Heels make their point with Magnus sporting the belt for a milisecond.

For the second week in a row we have a advertisement for a product on Impact. I shouldn’t take because WWE has done worse. Subway anyone. Any who Eric is standing outside a Bellator truck confronting one of the cooks about being an undercover fighter, but she nothing but annoyed by the accusation and flees as fast as possible. ODB arrives and tells EY to take on Angelina with the promise of “booty bam?” At this point even ODB doesn’t know what she is saying other than code for let me out so I can try out for the WWE. But a job is a job.

We get another clip of The Rise of Nepotism which is Garett Bischoff. We get a recap (repetition) of Garett and his stand off with his dad Eric B last week along with added footage of him training with what I presume is the Black Dynamite fight instruction team meets Rocky. That is until he looks into the camera to tell his dad wait till you meet my trainer. I sense the return of Hulkamania brewing and it will more than likely be revealed during the England tapings. Yippee!!

Its time for a steel cage match between Mickie James and Madison Rayne Part II, hopefully this one won’t be 2 minutes long and result in the most quietest moment in a TNA Knockout match. It goes longer but its no Tara vs Mickie. Mickie wins with a jumping spiked DDT for the win before shooting one of the fakest backstage scene where her “girlfriends” Tara and Velvet Sky welcome her and Wonder Years starts asking subpar questions which lead to a brain dead moment. A win over Madison Rayne is like beating a homeless man for a quarter, its more shameful than anything.

The intergender match is happening which still doesn’t make any kind of sense. Spike TV doesn’t allow male on female violence. So what we get instead is a quick promo of ODB in the back living out her darkest fantasy on Angelina involving Love’s saline filled breast being ripped off. This is all before Winter pops out and beats then whips ODB which would be slightly erotic if not for the upcoming visual of Love talking on Grizzly Young.  The match commences in what could be described as a blatant waste of time. EY locks up with the ref not once but twice he even locks up with a fan. This all before he gets into the ring to wrestle Angelina who simply kicks Young in the junk ending the match in a disqualification. Winter enters and helps Love beat down on EY. Because male on female violence is bad but female on male violence is kosher? Okay. ODB joins the fray and is beat down also. That is until Eric throws them both out of the ring? Isn’t that male on female violence?

One bright spot exists. Alex Shelley returns! To reignite his feud with his long time rival Austin Aries. Double Yeah! He also tells the fans what we’ve all been thinking, We need the MCMG back pronto so we can actually have some good tag matches. I have love for The Best of Five series.

The Main Event: I will keep this short. Bully Ray interferes beats down both opponents and the referee. This while Sting is doing nothing but twiddling his thumbs in the back. But wait Sting comes out with a bat to chase off the Bully. This of course leaves Roode positioned to come in and nail Storm with the belt. Declaring a No contest standing smug in the ring. Lets just drag this three way through the tapings.

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