Home ▸ RAW ▸ The Price is RAW, Bitch!

That’s right, Bob Barker is hosting WWE RAW tonight – which is the only reason I’m even bothering to write RAW results tonight.  Don’t know what else is going on, and I don’t really care.  Come on down, you’re the next contestant on the Wrestling Fan is Bored!

The Fink is in the Rod Roddy role, and introduces the show as “The Price is RAW.”  No, that’s not where I got the title for this thread, I made that up an hour ago.  Anyway, he introduces Bob Barker, who comes out with his trademark microphone and thanks the crowd.  He wishes he had a refrigerator for everybody.  He says the reception from the crowd tells him we’re really going to party tonight.  He says the fans are his kind of people.  These folks have kept him in television for more than a half century, and he loves them for it.  He would’ve had to go out and get a job if it weren’t for them.  Tonight he’s got the job of playing a pricing game.  To have a pricing game, he needs contestants.  We have a fine announcer named Howard Finkel, and he needs to get him some contestants.

Santino Marella, come on down!

Jillian Hall, come on down!

Irwin R. Scheyster, come on down!

Chris Jericho, come on down!

Jericho comes out from backstage, despite the fact that everybody else came from the crowd.  Barker says he’s taking his time because it means more camera time.  They’ll be bidding on the Best of SmackDown 10th Anniversary DVD (which I want.  It comes out on the 15th.)  It could be theirs right now, if the Price is RAW!

They start with Santino, who laughs hysterically.  He says he’d like to buy a vowel.  Barker says he’s been bodyslammed too many times, and that there’s no Vanna White or Pat Sajak here.  He needs a bid on that DVD.  Santino says he’s not good with numbers, and he bids 1,465 “American Style Dollars.”  Bob says he doesn’t think he’s overbid.  Jillian tells Bob she’s a real fan and she has a special song just for him.  She screeches “I will Always Love You.”  Bob says he loved it, but he’s tone deaf.  He tells her to sing her bid.  She screeches “$75.”  I.R.S. wants to know if this bid includes taxes.  Bob says not to worry about the taxes.  IRS says his bid is $50 including the taxes.  Bob asks Chris Jericho for his bid.  Jericho climbs up on the stage.  Barker says that it’s down there where he bids.  Jericho approaches Barker, who says his mother wouldn’t be proud of the way he’s behaving.  Jericho says that nobody… Bob cuts him off and says that Jericho is being naughty.  Jericho tells him to watch his mouth.  He wants to explain something to Barker.  Nobody calls him Chris.  Bob needs to show him respect, to which Bob replies that he’s respectfully asking for his bid.  Jericho says Barker needs to call him “Mr. Jericho.”  Jericho says that he’s one half… and Barker cuts him off and says that Jericho’s bid is $1.  Jericho tosses down his nametag and Barker threatens to spank Jericho.  Barker says the actual retail price is $18.95, so Jericho wins.  He tells Jericho to go to the ring, where he can win a fabulous trip to Hawaii!  The Bella Twins are playing the role of Barker’s Beauties tonight.  Barker tells Jericho that if he can win his match, he’s off to Hawaii.  Tonight, his opponent is this gentleman…

I’M COMIN!

Lillian Garcia gets her first line of the night when she introduces MVP as Jericho’s opponent.

MVP def. Chris Jericho

MVP picked up the win by blocking the Codebreaker and covering Jericho.  Pretty good match, but I was too busy trying to figure out who JT saw in concert the other night.  Turns out it was MC Hammer.

Last week: Cody Rhodes faced Randy Orton with special guest referee John Cena.  Then Legacy and Dusty Rhodes attacked Cena.  Then DX got involved.  Then Orton RKO’d Dusty.

Tonight, John Cena faces Cody Rhodes.  Joy.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

We’re back, and Bob Barker and Kelly Kelly are hocking Barker’s book and the DJ&T Foundation, which subsidizes spay and neuter for dogs across the country.  DX show up and tell him that Happy Gilmore is one of their favorite movies.  HBK wants to know how to go about getting Rhodes and DiBiase spayed and neutered.  Bob says to relax and to come spin the wheel.  Kelly explains that they have to push a button and it will spin a virtual wheel to pick their opponents for the night.  DX complain, but Barker says he’s got two words for them – spin it.  HBK spins and lands on Chris Masters.  HHH spins and lands on Randy Orton.  Triple H says they’ll be back for the Showcase Showdown later.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Last Week: Hornswoggle beat Chavo Guerrero in a bullrope match.

Chavito is in the ring.  Bob Barker appears on the big screen and tells him that if he wins his match, he could win this.  A new car!  It’s a Corvette Convertable!  Chavo is excited about the possibility.  His opponent is…  Not Hornswoggle for once!  Nope, in fact, it’s the high flying Evan Bourne!

Evan Bourne def. Chavo Guerrero

Jerry Lawler says he used to have a red Corvette.  He didn’t waste his time in the gym to get the women, he only did pull-ups.  He pulled up in his car and got the women.  Anyways, Chavo goes for the Frog Splash, but Hornswoggle gets in the ring and shoots him with a Super Soaker while he’s on the top rope.  Chavo gives chase, but gets rolled up by Bourne, who picks up the win.

Breaking Point is this Sunday, but right now, John Cena is walking to the ring.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Last Week: Cody Rhodes was disappointed when Randy Orton RKO’d his dad.

This Week: The Chicago White Sox, including TNA Wrestling’s buddy AJ Pierwhatever are in the crowd.  Oh, and Cody Rhodes is on the way to the ring.  He’s wrestling against John Cena.

Rhodes says he’s very much a member of Legacy.  He probably doesn’t agree with what Orton did to his dad.  But he says that Dusty Rhodes didn’t make him a main eventer, Randy Orton did.  He could lie and say that Dusty was a bad father, but Dusty is an excellent dad.  It wasn’t his choice.  Family or career.  When either HBK or HHH submit this Sunday, it’ll be proof that Cody made the right choice.  As a favor to Orton, he’ll make Cena tap right now.  Dusty says there’s a father wouldn’t do for his son, but there’s nothing this son wouldn’t do for his career.

John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes

This match was all Rhodes, but a figure four attempt was reversed into an STF by Cena, prompting Orton to hit the ring, earning the DQ victory for Cena.

After the match, Cena hits the Attitude Adjuster on Rhodes.

Still to come, DX takes on Orton and Chris Masters.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

The Fink announces Bob Barker again,a nd he comes to the stage, where Santino, Jillian, and IRS are still in contestants row.  Howard Finkel announces AJ Pierzynski (or however it spelled).  How pissed is Dixie Carter right now?

Barker asks if the fans like the Cubs.  They boo.  Barker says he hears Pierzynski is a WWE fan.  Pierzynski says he’s a bigger Bob Barker fan.  Anyways, they’re bidding on a WrestleMania XXVI travel package.  Pierzynski bids $1,000.  IRS bids $2000.  Jillian shrieks $5000, and Santino asks “What is $1,200 American Style Dollars.”  Bob acts like he can’t understand him.  The actual retail price was $1275 of something, so Santino wins.  He’s got a chance to win another prize now.  Fink says Santino can win a new hot tub.  Santino asks if the Bella Twins come with that.  Bob says no.  Santino can win the prize if he wins a special bodyslam contest.  Santino says he looks forward to it.  His opponent is The Big Show.

The Big Show def. Santino in a special Bodyslam contest.

Santino tries to slam The Big Show, but fails miserably.  Show slams him easily, and the Price is Right fail horns play.

Bob asks if Santino won.  The referee says no and the fail horns play again.  Bob says he’s sorry Santino didn’t win, but they’ve got another opponent for The Big Show.

Somebody’s gonna get they ass kicked…

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Mark Henry def. The Big Show in a special Bodyslam contest

After a battle, Mark Henry finally pulled out the victory.

MVP comes ot the ring to celebrate his partner’s victory with him.

Josh Matthews is standing by with Bob Barker.  He asks about the most unusual thing that’s ever happened on TPiR.  He talks about the woman whose boobs popped out of her tube top before Bob came out.  The fans were cheering like crazy, and Bob thought it was for him.  Bob asks what happened and they told him the girl gave her all for him.  Josh asks if he’s ever gotten hurt on the Price is Right.  He talks about getting a broken toe stepped on, getting picked up by a larger woman, getting pinched in the arm, and a woman who inadvertently uppercut him while jumping up and down from excitement.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Bob Barker is reading his book backstage, and Chavo comes in and complains about being cheated out of his car.  Chavo asks about Bob being trained by Chuck Norris.  Bob says that the best element in a fight is the element of surprise, and he knocks Chavo out.  He tells us he’s having a good time and that we need to help control the pet population by having our pets spayed or neutered.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Every Monday night, since I work at 11PM, we, much like the WWE, have a guest host for RAW.  JT, come on down!  You’re the next guest host for BWF MONDAY NIGHT RAW!

• DX does their extra long intro and then they get mic time, I wonder what they’re gonna say?
• Triple H is annoying like always.
• Out next is Masters, he has big arms.
• Spinning in my chair is fun.
• Out next is Orton. Lawler saks “Is Orton still gonna be champion after Breaking Point?”
• They plug next week’s guest host Trish somethingorother.
• Masters starts against HBK.
• Masters in control, headlock.
• HBK get out causing Masters to go out of the ring.
• (Commercial Break)
• Back-
• Orton pounding on HHH
• HHH gains control, tags to HBK
• Orton regains control
• Neckbraker by HBK
• HBK rams Orton into HHH’s boot
• HHH back in goes for a pedigree but is unsuccessful
• Orton goes for an RKO but it is cunteres by a suplex.
• HHH goes for a pin, 2 count
• HBK back in, loses control
• Orton tags in Masters who loses control
• Knee to the spine by Masters
• Slam by Masters
• Orton back in pounds on HBK, goes for a pin, 2 count
• Double team by Orton & Masters.
• another pin attempt, 2 count
• HBK is thrown out of the ring,  back in pin attempt, 2 count.
• Masters continues to dominate, getting HBK into the corner, Tag to Orton.
• Dropkick by Orton, pin attempt, 2 count.
• Headlock by Orton.
• HBK fights out of it.
• Both men down
• double tag
• HHH in control, he pounds on Masters
• pin attempt, 2 count.
• Spinebuster by HHH
• Elbow off the top rope by HBK.
• HBK goes for chin music, but is countered and Masters gets on the Masterlock, but it’s is broken by HHH
• HHH puts Orton in a sharpshooter, HBK put Masters in a figure 4, both men tap out DX wins.
• Legacy come out and they battle with DX to the back.
• Orton is alone on the ramp.
• To the back as Legacy and DX battle, it’s like the old days when we had the hardcore title matches.
• They end up outdoors, Legacy gets in a car and drive off.
• Back to the ring, Orton it in the middle of the ring.
• Orton “Legacy is gonna make DX submit. And in the main event, I will make Cena say I quit. The WWE title is the only thing I live for.”
• Cena comes out and they battle.
• Orton hits a DDT, Cena is out.
• Orton gets a steel chair, sets it up and hits Cena with an RKO on the chair.
• “This Sunday John Cena, you will say I Quit.” Orton says as we fade to black.

Thanks, JT!

My Thoughts: Bob Barker’s segments were entertaining.  Some of the matches were pretty good.  All in all, there wasn’t a whole lot of useless crap in this episode of RAW.  It’s not nearly as good as the flagship show should be, but it’s a start.  Thanks for reading!

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