No, it’s not an official title for the RAW reviews. It’s just what I’m doing this week. And not much of it. I’m tired and I didn’t really care about much that went on with RAW, but as I just said during the Rumble review, I don’t want to give you guys a stupid “here are the results from” wherever post.
RAW Results and my thoughts; after the jump!
Legacy come to the ring with Randy Orton’s lawyers and therapist. Orton says that he knows what he did last week was wrong, but Stephanie can’t fire him because he has Intermittent Explosive Disorder, which apparently means that when he’s signifigantly provoked, he’s prone to violent outbursts, much like what happened last week. WWE knew about his condition and therefore, cannot fire him or he’ll sue – and he’ll take Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase with him. Also, he won the Royal Rumble last night, and that means he gets his title shot at WrestleMania, no matter what. He then reads off a pre-written apology to the McMahons as Stephanie angrily watches backstage.
World Tag Team Championship: John Morrison & The Miz def. Cryme Tyme
Miz and Morrison just beat the WWE Tag Team Champions Primo and Carlito this past Friday Night. Think they’re losing to Cryme Tyme on RAW? Nope. Morrison dropped Shad with the Moonlight Drive for the win.
JBL interrupts as Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole promote the Elimination Chamber matches at the upcoming No Way Out PPV. He says that later tonight, HBK will take on John Cena, and if Michaels wins, JBL qualifies for the Elimination Chamber.
Elimination Chamber Qualifier: Kofi Kingston def. Kane
Kingston uses his agility to his advantage in this one. Kane goes for a Chokeslam, but Kofi wiggles free and gets Kane in a sunset flip for the pinfall!
Chris Jericho wants to talk about the movie “The Wrestler” starring Mickey Rourke. Rourke has been going around saying that he’s going to be at WrestleMania, and that he’s going to kick Chris Jericho’s ass. Jericho says that it’s one thing to play a wrestler in a movie, but a completely different thing to actually be one. If Rourke wants to fight, Jericho will take him on.
HBK tries to quit on JBL, saying he did everything he could last night to help JBL. JBL says that HBK assumed he did everything he could last night, just like he assumed somebody was watching his money for him. He ponders if HBK is going to assume he’s going to be the showstopper tonight.
We get a cool promo on the history of WrestleMania.
Elimination Chamber Qualifier: John Cena def. Shawn Michaels
HBK seemed to have things well in hand, but JBL started arguing with him, telling him to hit the superkick when HBK tried to climb the ropes. JBL got up on the apron, and Cena shoved him into the corner, knocking HBK down and allowing Cena to hit the move formerly known as the FU for the victory
Stephanie McMahon says she’ll deal with Orton tonight – and she’ll do it publicly.
Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall def. Melina & Kelly Kelly
Santino sat in on commentary. He told Michael Cole he looked great and had lost a lot of weight – then called him JR. Anyways, Beth was beating up on Kelly Kelly when Rosa Mendez ran down to the ring and pulled Melina off of the apron. With nobody to tag, K-squared was easy pickings for the Glamazon.
We get a video highlighting the first Money in the Bank Ladder match (which had a quick split second glance of the back of a certain nameless former WWE Superstar for the first time in about a year and a half on WWE TV, but only from the back).
Elimination Chamber Qualifier: Rey Mysterio def. William Regal
Regal’s been on a bit of a downturn since losing his Intercontinental Championship. He was beaten by Mysterio after a 619 and a West Coast Pop.
Beth tells Santino, “we can keep her.” Santino responds by telling Mendez “You’re keeped!”
We’re then shown the trailer for John Cena’s movie, 12 Rounds. Think “The Marine,” but Cena’s a cop instead. It’s the same damned movie!
Elimination Chamber Qualifier: Chris Jericho def. CM Punk
Jericho has Punk’s number. Yet again, he’s defeated him with a Codebreaker out of nowhere.
Stephanie McMahon demands Randy Orton. He comes out, much as we started the show, with Legacy, his lawyers, and his therapist in tow. His attorney reminds Stephanie of Orton’s condition and that he’s fully within his legal rights to sue if he’s terminated. Orton also mentions that if he’s stripped of his title opportunity at WrestleMania, he’ll file an injunction that will stop the show from even happening. This brings out the entire RAW roster, whom Orton says he doesn’t care about. He dares Stephanie to fire him. She tells him that firing him would be too easy. They’ve got bigger plans…
Here comes the money!
Shane McMahon comes to the ring, and starts brawling with the three members of Legacy, looking pretty strong in the process. McMahon and Orton fight up the ramp before the fray is broken up by WWE Superstars. Orton escapes backstage as RAW fades to black.
My Thoughts: Meh. I see where it’s going, and I just don’t care. I’m going to sleep, and I’ll have a new article when I get up (before ECW) and an ECW review when I can.
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