Sorry about no RAW review last week.  I originally planned to do it on Tuesday, but I completely forgot about a midterm, and real life caught up with me and bitch slapped be across the face.  Anyway, there’s one gonna be up tonight, and that’s all that matters, right?

Tonight, John Cena will team up with WWE Champion Randy Orton against the men that got him into Nexus in the first place, Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris.  How will Nexus feel about this?

RAW starts with Teddy Long, of all people, coming out.  He says he’s here tonight because he can.  Tonight, he’s going to take over RAW.

“Get out of my ring.  Get out of my ring, now.  You have no business being here.”

Teddy interrupts and says that Smackdown vs Raw this Sunday at Bragging Rights, and brings out the Bragging Rights trophy.  Teddy says that the trophy belongs to Smackdown, and they laid the Smackdown on RAW last year.

“Get out of my ring, or else.”

Teddy says he’s not threatening him?  He’ll show him, or else.  Teddy climbs out of the ring and he starts arguing with Cole.

<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>

Teddy shoves the mic at Cole and goes up to the podium.  He says that the Smackdown General Manager has an announcement to make.  Right now, the RAW GM is going to be disconnected.  He then introduces the Big Show and the rest of Team Smackdown.  Edge, Alberto del Rio, Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Tyler Reks, and Rey Mysterio.

AWESOME!

Turns out Team RAW wasn’t too happy about that, and Captain Miz comes out with a laughing Alex Riley.  Miz says this is the team that’s supposed to take over RAW? It looks like Smurf Village next to a power plant.  Miz reminds us that he was the sole RAW superstar to win at Bragging Rights last year, is the team captain this year, and will lead RAW over Team Smackdown.  The trophy and the Bragging Rights that go with it, will go over to the A-Show.  Miz then brings out the rest of Team RAW: CM Punk, John Morrison, Santino Marella, Ezekiel Jackson, and Sheamus.  Miz then tells them to get out of their ring, or they’ll make them get out.

Team RAW starts walking down to the ring, and then the brawl starts in the ring between the two teams.  While they’re all killing each other, I wanna say that it’s really cool to see Ezekiel Jackson back.  Miz then grabs his team and exits the ring, saving that they need to save it for Sunday.  Show takes a mic and says, don’t go back there and start a ruckus.  He gets it, it’s his ring.  Smackdown will get out of the ring, willingly, if Miz will face Show one-on-one in a Captain vs Captain match.  Miz agrees to it.

<VIDEO PACKAGE: The Miz becomes captain of Bragging Rights after defeating John Cena in a No DQ match.  Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty interfere, costing Cena the match.  Cena attacks them, Barrett interferes, and Cena almost hits him. More Barrett-Cena heat.  The company makes Cena look like he’s losing his damn mind.  Barrett calls Cena a coward, pathetic, and a disgrace.  Barrett then says until next week, “You Can’t See Me.”>

Still to come, WWE Champion Randy Orton and John Cena take on Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty.

<COMMERCIAL>

@legendkiller515 will someone please smack the hell outta cole #wwe #raw #bwf

@CawCawBang Go away Cole you ugly troll

@Lunna1969: Smurfette! Lmao! W2g Miz #RAW #WWE

We come back to the Tag Team Champions standing in the ring.

WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and “Dashing” Cody Rhodes vs The Hart Dynasty with Natalya

Rhodes and Kidd start out, Kidd going for McIntyre before Rhodes plants him and gets the advantage.  Rhodes tags in McIntyre, who dominates Kidd.  McIntyre plants Kidd’s face into the barrier before getting him back in the ring and tagging in Rhodes.  McIntyre drops Kidd onto the ropes and holds him there for Rhodes to kick him in the ribs.  Rhodes then tags back in McIntyre and they throw Kidd into the turnbuckle.  Kidd manages to tag in Smith, who hits a drop kick on McIntyre and gets the momentum back on their side.  He then hits two big kicks on Rhodes and McIntyre.  He goes for a cover on McIntyre, but he kicks out at two.  Smith hits a running power slam and goes for a cover, but Rhodes breaks it up.  Rhodes goes to attack Smith, but Kidd attacks him.  They set up for the Hart Attack, but Smith decides to attempt a Sharpshooter last minute.  Smith gets distracted by Kidd and McIntyre hits the Future Shock DDT for the win.

WWE Tag Team Champions Drew McIntyre and Dashing Cody Rhodes win via pinfall.

Natalya proceeds to yell at David Hart Smith about how they’re a team.

Backstage, Cena’s thoughtful and Randy Orton walks up.  He says that they should lay all the cards on the table.  He can tell that Cena being a part of Nexus is eating him up, but he doesn’t think that it would stop him from helping Barrett take the WWE Championship away from him.  So, if Cena helps, Orton won’t have any problem punting him in the skull.  Cena says that if he even tries, Cena will break that leg off.

<COMMERCIAL>

@kickoutblog We need Bret to fix these… broken Harts. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

@HitTheRopes Look, Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre are offering their 2 cents…. Get it? 2 cents. (tag titles look like 2 pennies) #rimshot #wwe

<VIDEO PACKAGE: R-Truth’s new theme song. I’m still not sure these lyrics are PG-13.>

Goldust with Aksana vs. Zack Ryder

Damn. I hate that they won’t play Ryder’s theme song.  I jam out to it when they play it.  Anyway.

Ted DiBiase and Maryse make their way out to the stage to watch the match as Ryder gets an early advantage over Goldust, which Goldust gets back by slapping Zack in the face.  Goldust hits the final cut, and the match is over.

Goldust wins via pinfall.

Ted DiBiase makes his way to the ring and attacks Goldust from behind.  Maryse went to grab the Million Dollar Belt, but Aksana got it.  Maryse then chases Maryse out of the ring to try to get the belt back.  Goldust gets up in the ring and hits the Final Cut on DiBiase too.  I admit, I’m loving the weird Goldust’s return.

Still to come, Smackdown vs RAW starts early as the Big Show takes on The Miz.

<COMMERCIAL>

@kickoutblog I kinda wish they would’ve done that video like those old Disney sing-a-longs with a bouncing R-Truth thread.

@WWEsAngel_Nef Bwahahahahahahahaha <—-My reaction to R-Truth’s video package. #WWE

@HitTheRopes Maryse and Aksana face to face. It’s as if Maryse was looking in a mirror…. a mirror that is worn, dusty, and doesn’t show sexy #wwe

Barrett is standing with Nexus and Cena walks in.  Barrett says that he wants Cena to test Harris and McGuillicutty, to see if they’re good enough to join the Nexus.  Cena said that Barrett just told him to go out there and give it everything he’s got, and those are his orders?  He asks what the catch is, and Barrett says that there’s no catch: tonight he has the opportunity to show the WWE Universe the Cena they know and love, then orders him to get him a glass of water.

The kid from Role Models and the new Knucklehead movie, Bobbie Thompson, is playing Smackdown vs RAW with Show vs Miz, and Show wins.  Miz then picks him up and to tell him that Miz has a surprise for him.  Show then takes Bobbie, and puts him down.  Bobbie then says that Show has to knock Miz out for him.

Cena comes back with a glass of water and hands it to Barrett, who says it wasn’t difficult.  Barrett wants Cena to know that he’s really enjoying it, then splashes the water in Cena’s face.

<COMMERCIAL>

@kickoutblog Miz is assaulting children now? #favoritewrestlerever

@FrankWWEClown Heath Slater, stop smirking, you little creep. #WWE #RAW

@CawCawBang When did little chris rock come in?

<VIDEO PACKAGE: Harris and McGuillicutty cost Cena the Team RAW Captain match.>

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WATER BOY!

John Cena and WWE Champion Randy Orton vs Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris

Is it just me, or does Husky look like a pedobear remake? Hmm…

Nexus come up to the stage to watch the match.  Cena and McGuillicutty start, and Cena starts unleashing on McGuillicutty.  Cena hurls McGuillicutty around the ring before throwing McGuillicutty after a vicious looking fisherman suplex.

<COMMERCIAL>

@redsandman99 I think it should be illegal for Husky Harris to not wear a shirt

@kickoutblog Should be interesting to see what Husky & Imperfect can do when they don’t have to carry a keg.

Now Randy and McGuillicutty are in the ring, and McGuillicutty kicks out of a cover as Orton tags in Cena.  Cena hits McGuillicutty, then goes to take Harris off the apron, then running into a dropkick.  Harris gets his chance at retribution and beats up on Cena in the corner.  Harris goes for a cover, and Cena kicks out.  Harris tags in McGuillicutty who beats up on Cena and goes for a cover, only for Cena to kick out.  Harris tags himself in and seems to get stuck for a minute between the ropes, throwing himself into Cena’s face.  He goes for a cover, and Cena kicks out.  Harris has Cena in the middle of the ring in a headlock, but Cena fights to his feet before Harris puts his knee in Cena’s spine.  Cena’s flat on the ring floor, but rolls out of the way before Harris squishes him flatter than a pancake hits him.  Orton gets in the ring with McGuillicutty and hits a scoop slam.  McGuillicutty rolled out to the apron, hoping it would save him, and Orton pulls him between the top and middle rope before hitting the DDT.  He points to Barrett, getting ready for the RKO, pushing Harris into Cena for an Attitude Adjustment.  Orton then hits the RKO on McGuillicutty and pins him for the win.

WWE Champion Randy Orton and John Cena win via pinfall.

Cena seems content that he, for once, was able to fight in his own way and won, again.  He offers Orton a hand, but Barrett tells him to hold it right there, and tells him not to shake Orton’s hand, and then tells him to get out of the ring, and it’s an order.  Cena looks at Orton for a minute, then climbs out of the ring.  Barrett says that Cena has the best spot in the house to witness the demise of the Viper, as Nexus surrounds the ring.  Orton looks at Cena and then hits Barrett before throwing Slater out of the ring and then is ambushed by Nexus outside the ring.  Nexus gets Orton back in the ring, but Orton manages to fight back for a minute before getting overwhelmed again.  The crowd is cheering for Cena, but he hasn’t moved.  Slater hits his finisher, for the first time since NXT, then Otunga does, then Gabriel.  Barrett tells Cena to get in the ring, and Cena does so.  Barrett says that he wants Cena to give Orton an Attitude Adjustment, and Cena says that that’s enough.  Barrett says do it, or Cena’s fired.  Cena gets Randy up to his feet, then on his shoulders.  Barrett then tells Cena to give Randy to him.  Barrett then hits the Wasteland on Orton.  Cena walks out of the ring and starts walking up the ramp, shaking his head.

<COMMERCIAL>

@kickoutblog Even better joke: Husky Harris is only heavier because he’s being weighed on the metric system. #Canada

@HitTheRopes Slater and Otunga need to go back to the lab and come up with a better finishing move. #wwe

Vickie comes out, just when everyone thought that it couldn’t get worse, but guess what!  This is RAW!!  Vickie says that she is happy to take credit for the Smackdown superstars appearing on RAW tonight, and there is one special superstar who has a special twinkle in his eyes, because his eyes are only on her: The Intercontinental Champion, Dolph Ziggler.

Dolph says that people confuse his cockiness when it’s really just confidence.  He can’t blame them, he’s got it all: The looks, the shredded physique, gorgeous head of hair, and that’s not the best part.  The most beautiful, intelligent woman on the face of this earth is with him.  She’s the ray of sunshine when his skies are gray, she makes his heart go pitter-patter—

Daniel Bryan interrupts and says that he may not be a lady’s man (to which Dolph replies with, “I noticed”), and says that even he could do better than Vickie.  Bryan says that he doesn’t have the movie star looks, peroxide infested hair, but he does have the ability to capitalize on any mistake in that ring, and the ability to make Dolph tap out.  So, he proposes the United States Champion vs the Intercontinental Champion at Bragging Rights.  Vickie seems to be encouraging this.  Dolph says that he accepts, but why wait until Sunday?  Why don’t they do this right- and then slaps Bryan.  Dolph then steps behind Vickie, who steps in front of Dolph.  Bryan then side-steps Vickie and tackles Dolph, preventing him from leaving.  Bryan then locks in the LaBell Lock, making Dolph tap.  Then, the Divas randomly come out and make their way into the ring with Vickie.  The Divas surround Vickie and tell her to leave the ring.  Gail throws a bucket of glitter at her, then Eve pours it on her.  The Divas then seem to be paying way too much attention to Daniel, and they all start to dance with him… and it’s painful.

Anyway, hopefully Captain vs Captain can save RAW… because my head is already spinning.

<COMMERCIAL>

@bethsharae Oh no! Not glitter!!! #WWE #Raw I guess I should scream all the time at crafts time.

@TKeep123 How can Dolph say this crap with a straight face? (Better check the Wellness policy again!) #WWE #RAW #BWF

@kickoutblog Vickie Guerrero is amazing, why does she need that many zippers? Because fuck you, that’s why!

@Niki_Sushi I don’t know which is more obnoxious – ‘EXCUSE ME!’ or ‘AND I QUOTE!’… #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes: Oh, @WWEDanielBryan, in wrestling you might be best in the world…. at dancing, not so much. LOL

Natalya vs Alicia Fox

Let’s see how short this match is! I’m going to time it!

Alicia slaps Nat a few good times and then tries to shout out to Calgary.  Natalya then throws Alicia into the turnbuckle, twice, and then throws her across the ring.  Nat tries to go for the Sharpshooter, but Alicia grabs the ropes.  Natalya pulls her back, and locks in the Sharpshooter, making Alicia tap.

Natalya wins via submission.

LayCool interferes and says it’s a beautiful moment in a NOT beautiful hometown.  LayCool says they would love Canada, but it’s so cold and they have watered down beer, and they say ‘eh’ all the time.  And they see Harts everywhere.  They say the Harts don’t belong in the Hall of Fame, but in the loony bin.  LayCool then starts to go into the ring, but Natalya’s ready.  Nat gets Layla, but Michelle comes in.  Michelle then puts Natalya in the Sharpshooter, Layla takes a picture, and Natalya counters.  Lay tries to help Michelle, and nearly gets put in the Sharpshooter herself. LayCool runs off.

Oh, overall Diva MATCH time, about a minute and fifteen seconds.

<VIDEO PACAKGE: CM Punk debuts on RAW again and Evan Bourne is out due to injury.>

Teddy, Show, and Hornswoggle are talking backstage, and Josh Matthews says that it’s rather brazen of them to show up on RAW with Team Smackdown.  Hornswoggle grabs a Team Smackdown flag and the entire Smackdown Roster starts heading out.

<COMMERCIAL>

@kickoutblog If I were The Undertaker and had to listen Michelle McCool talk all the time, I’d want to be buried alive too

@CawCawBang Nattie don’t play along with Laycool’s bullshit

@bethsharae Alicia is gonna throw a hip out if she swings them any harder. #WWE #Raw

@WWEsAngel_Nef God I hate Alicia Fox’s walk. I can’t stand it. She’s gonna break a freaking hip. #WWE

So, the longest part of this show is the Stand Up For WWE video package.  So… Yeah.

Oh, we’re back.  Cena’s walking away and Barrett stops him, saying he’s not finished with him or Orton yet.  There we go.  Next up, Team RAW’s captain The Miz will take on Team Smackdown’s captain, The Big Show… and all of Smackdown?

<COMMERCIAL>

@Niki_Sushi So.. I’m loving this video. Because it’s showing where the WWE goes, and not just on land and the airwaves. They reach hearts-who else does?

@CawCawBang I’m so happy and proud to be a WWE fan

@kickoutblog And “Do you smell what Barack is cookin?” is still amazing. #TheRockObama

@WWEsAngel_Nef LOL God Vince McMahon is good at what he does. Way to do some quick damage control. Nice video package. #WWE

We’re finally going to introduce the guest star, Bobbie J Thompson.  Sweet.  He says he loves the boos and to keep them coming.  He says that he’s there to introduce the man who’s going to leave Team Smackdown to a victory over Team RAW: The Big Show.  No, but seriously.  Where’s the muzzle on that kid?

Show comes out with Hornswoggle behind him, waving the flag, and Team Smackdown follows him out.  Actually, all of Smackdown follows him out.

Miz comes out, but tells Alex Riley to stay behind and walks down to the ring alone.  He pauses though, grinning and motioning for everyone else to come out.  Team RAW comes out, followed by the RAW roster.

The Big Show vs The Miz

Show closes in on Miz, rips his shirt, and slaps his chest.  Show continues to rip up the RAW shirt and slaps his chest again.  Show then Irish Whips Miz into a corner, and Show throws him out of the ring.  Smackdown closes in, and RAW starts to close in too.  Show attacks RAW, and when Smackdown comes in, Show rolls in the ring.

Teddy Long comes out and says that since Bragging Rights is only six days away and everyone from both rosters is out there, he says that they have themselves a Smackdown vs RAW battle royal, and they’re going to do it right now.

Now, I hate reviewing battle royals.  So, I hope you watched RAW to figure out what happens, because I’m only going to tell you the winner.

<COMMERCIAL>

@TKeep123 Ok, I’m old, but the Red and Blue is reminding me of “Rock’em Sock’em Robots!” #WWE #RAW #BWF

Hornswoggle beats Cole up and takes his spot as an announcer, and no one knows what the fuck is going on in the ring.  I can’t tell you what’s going on, but Swagger loses his mind and puts Edge in an ankle lock.  Toward the end here, a bunch of RAW guys got eliminated and Smackdown is doing a good job holding their own.  The last Smackdown guy ends up as The Big Show against Sheamus, Bryan, Jackson, and Miz.  Down goes Bryan, then Jackson.  Miz and Sheamus work together to get Show over the top rope, and no one remembered Edge wasn’t technically eliminated.  So, Edge and Show are the only two left in the ring.

Team Smackdown wins.

Nexus is watching backstage, and Barrett says that all of them, and Cena, are going to witness what’s going to happen Sunday when he’s crowned WWE Champion.  Barrett tells Cena to raise his hand as a token of victory.  Cena shoves Slater and Gabriel out of the way and raises Barrett’s hand before walking away.

And that’s all she wrote, folks.  Daniel Bryan dancing is burned behind my retina, so I’m going to go watch… something to get the image out of my head.  Good night.

4 Comments

  1. Hey Aly, don't worry about missing a review every now and again. I realize that all of my staff here at BWF are volunteering their time to write their respective reviews and/or columns, and that real life will sometimes stand in the way of that happening. There are more important things to life than wrestling, and when those things come up, neither I nor the rest of the BWF crew are going to hold it against you. That's the way we run things here.


      • So is THAT where JT was when he claimed to be in the Thousand Islands? In Houston TPing your house?


        • How he climbed to the top of the apartment complex, I shall never understand. And there were eggs. Lots and lots of eggs….


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