Ok, I know what you’re thinking. Who is this jerk usurping AlyKat’s spot?

The answer is G, I’ve been doing the iMPACT reviews as of late and she’s unable to make it this week.*

And I know you’re asking yourself, “Well then Mr. G, will there be the twittering like she does?”

No. Maybe some fake ones, but no. I will be doing this in my usual suffer-through-it-as-I-write style.

* Card subject to change.

Well then, let’s get down to business and see what the WWE served up for the last RAW of 2010, shall we? I haven’t done a RAW review in a long, long time.

– I hope you all had an excellent Christmas. The usual highlight for me, is eating up my mother’s Christmas Turkey dinner which consists of only one ingredient: Delicious. Best present ever. Second best present? A vintage Paul Coffey Oiler’s jersey.

I was emotionally scarred to discover a lack of an animated gif of the legend Paul Coffey. So I made one. Also, this goal features the great one feeding Paul the puck.

– We kick off the show with pyro, and John Cena comes out to talk. Addressing the issue of fat jokes on a PG product by a guy who has MANY young impressionable girls as fans who might have body image issues, he refers to it quickly as an “impromptu ROAST of Vickie Guerrero.” So that’s their spin/take/whatnot.

– Onto the issue of CM Punk’s attack via steel chair… Poop jokes. Great. CM Punk chants ring out courtesy of my demographic. Cena legit apologizes for spilling Punk’s diet soda! YES! I’ve read a totally mixed bag on whether this would be utilized after Punk’s dual week soda spillage, but this smark finds it just fucking awesome.

– Cena calls out Punk to be heard. Punk shines! SO GOOD! “You are thoughtless, you’re heartless, and above all else: you are dishonest,” states Punk “[…] this goes well beyond my spilled diet soda…” Punk calls him on the bullshit firing and cutting a speech about spending time with his mom, etc…. and yet he came back that night, the next week… and the next week. He calls him on lying and the IWC’s wet dream of a promo. He calls him on dropping the chairs on Barrett and his misconduct. Perfect. Literally… oh darn…. Cena retorts in his typical style.

– “You ended the career of my good friend Dave Batista…” Punk notes, and reminds us of Batista’s go-home match with Cena. Cena turns around noting Batista broke Cena’s neck (remind me, I forgot that bit). We go back and forth… great segment! Punk actually comes across as the face to me (and I have an odd feeling, you too). Punk gets called down to fight, to which CM tells him he’s predictable… “This isn’t the John Cena show tonight, it’s the CM Punk show…” Sarcastically, Punk plays Cena’s face card (read me?), by going for the cheap pops as he leaves wishing the WWE Universe a Happy New Year!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

– Note: I cheated here. I rewinded this, and then re-recapped it as I was sincerely entertained and captivated by the intro promo. Quite excellent… seriously a satisfying conversation that culminated much of Punk’s announcer commentary and Cena’s actions over the last year.  Watch for yourself:

Hopefully this is a still active link when you get here…

– Santino Marella w/ Tamina versus Ted DiBiase w/ Maryse. Not much here… it ends in under 2 minutes. Ted gets pinned as Santino reverses a kick, school boy. Santino presents a present to Tamina, that has his “Cobra” move inside. Then the faces beat down the heels as they try to ruin a post-Christmas moment:

Everything was going good until…

– Cut to Miz talking to Alex Riley, with Miz pepping up Riley to cripple John Morrison tonight. Miz notes he plans on doing the same to Lawler tonight… setting up the card a bit. Morrison shows up, and makes a stip that if Morrison wins tonight he can decide how and when his #1 contendership match will take place, and return will forfeit his opportunity if he loses. Again, this is a perfect way to sell this match on short notice. Well done!

Note to bookers: Use the obvious here, don’t overthink it and make it a staple-a-hat-to-your-head-like-Indiana-Jones match. Right?

– Lawler and Cole get a propaganda close up about ratings… yawn.

– Morrison versus Alex Riley w/briefcase & The Miz. Cole and King bicker over the Miz, detracting from the average match… Morrison carries the bout until Morrison goes for a springboard move off the ropes, but is tripped up by the Miz. The referee actually has his WWE heeltastic spectacles on and catches the interference barring Miz from ringside! Miz is truly awesome in his protests while leaving, but Morrison capitalizes and sets up a falls-count-anywhere match next week on RAW for Miz’s title! Good finish.

Not so good a finish. Hopefully that little bugger was a good kid and Xanta Klaus hooked him up with some nice presents.

– Post match, Miz and Alex argue… get it together to help the Miz tonight. CM Punk talks to some tech dude about setting up something REALLY big tonight. Cut to Daniel Bryan with the Bellas being flirty, but enter Tyson Kidd w/Big Bodyguard-guy. Kidd, from Calgary, Alberta, Canada makes some threats… BUT NO!! Cut to Josh Matthews interviewing an introspective Randall Orton. Orton wants to see the Miz win so he can overpronunciate the word “beating” as an verb to describe Orton retrieving the title… Am I watching TNA right now? Crap, that was a lot of segments….

– Mark Henry versus Tyson Kidd. It’s bodyguard demonstration time, kids!! Powered via diesel, I’m sure! Jerry Lawler has exteunted stage left to prepare for his match tonight, thus we are adding Josh Matthews to commentary. I want to make jokes about the happy-go-lucky Kool-Aid Man, that lumbers around the ring, but feel that will only contribute to making him relevant since he is getting rep’d online. Oh shit… I just made it worse. Tyson Kidd plays a sniveling undersized heel here, in a shitty match that Henry wins. Then Henry destroys the bodyguard. So is Kidd getting future endeavored? Stupid.

Speaking of future endeavored. Kaval, we will miss you. Even though the WWE would have completely wasted you. Sorry, though, this is fucking hilarious:

Best of luck to you, good sir!

– We see the logo pop up, as the Miz cuts another brilliant heel promo, about not being appreciated for what he is. He has an back and forth with the audience who shouts “WHAT!” and he responds with “REALLY?”. That was epic. He countered a catchphrase with a catchphrase here. I can’t even try to follow this… so watch the intro here:

The match follows…

– The Miz versus Jerry “The King” Lawler. The crowd is hot for Lawler, not surprisingly. The Mix plays a very cocky bastard persona, not surprisingly. It’s a fun bout that kind of cap’s off the so-called feud started by a much more intense championship story we watched a few weeks back, but for me the magic was not here.

Charles Barkley @G: “I don’t work double shows, stop PM’ing me!”

G @Charles Barkley: “Fine… way to spread the holiday cheer, even if it is two days late.”

– Miz essentially beats down Lawler for a while, until John Morrison enters the arena… setting up a distraction for Lawler to recover! And the old man delivers a series of punches and a dropkick for a nearfall as Morrison claps at ringside. Riley attempts a sneak attack, but is detected by the referee! Morrison cheap shots Miz, leading to a count-out win for Lawler!!!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR? The Miz appears detracted in disbelief as Morrison taunts him about next week’s titleship championship match.

– Punk talks to Sheamus backstage about how Cena has disrespected Sheamus. Punk’s not just doing his Cena-attacks for himself, he’s doing for everyone who has been subjected to Cena’s self-righteousness.

– Lawler returns to announcing as Josh Matthews is tossed to the curb. I guess. Cole and Lawler bicker, then tell us we are joined by current Diva champion Natalya. They discuss Melina’s not-official heel turn last week, which Natalya calls “shocking.”

– Alicia Fox/Melina versus Gail Kim/Eve. Meh. Alicia is rocking some totally unnatural looking redhair:

At least Fox doesn’t call herself “natural.” There’s no way she’s a ginger. And this Butch Reed was never a member of the Hollywood Blondes… but I digress…

– The only good spots here are brief as Gail Kim flies across the ring attacking Melina. Then Melina reverses it all, and gets the pin. Natalya goes to shake her hand, HEEL TURN, FACE SLAP. CAPITALIZATION!

– Punk tells some trainers to be ready tonight, more so then ever before as to what happens to Cena tonight.

– We return from the break, and Daniel Bryan versus Zack Ryder is underway… and then it’s over. Bryan wins, Bella twins enter the ring for awkward prepubescent moments… The computer GM interrupts post match. Why do all of the arena’s have problems with the lights when the GM emails them? Is it the sound-effect that implies we’ve got mail? “And I quote…” The GM promises a great new year, but CAMERAS CUT TO THE MIZ ATTACKING AN UNSUSPECTING JERRY LAWLER AT RINGSIDE! The nearby crowd breaks into a “You Suck!” chant… Miz stands tall in his furthered abuse of the Hall of Famer!

– Some idiot in the crowd is near the front with a “Miz! Your fifteen minutes are up!” sign. No, sir. I disagree. He just upped the ante quite a bit with this segment. Lawler is left a corpse. Excellent!

Bad guys are trending tonight.

– RETURN OF JOSH MATTHEWS… to commentary. Fucking musical chairs on the announce booth tonight.

– Sheamus versus Randy Orton. The first segment of this bout is kind of slow, but in a methodical, and calculated way. The crowd responds accordingly positive and both men trade spots that flow very smoothly, and in an intelligent way…

– commercials…

– We return to two hurt and tired wrestlers entering into the desperation part of the matchup… Lots of restholds… Orton delivers Sheamus into a ring post, opening the shoulder injury psychology, then delivers a top rope suplex! Pin attempt BUT NO!!! Brawling, near falls, etc. RKO GETS REVERSED BY SHEAMUS INTO A BACKBREAKER BUT NO!!! Nice counter. Exhaustion sets in even further for our grapplers… Orton reverses the Razor’s Edge into his own BACKBREAKER (capitals, people)… goes into Viper mode and hits an RKO and the win! Your winner? Randall.

Randall Flag! Steven King fans get this. What if Orton is just another incarnation? A fanboy can only dream… actually screw that, call me a fanboy and I’ll call you a…

– John Cena versus CM Punk. Cena keeps calling CM Punk, “CM Sucks,” because that is funny. He’s here early and calls out Punk to reveal his surprise. NEXUS is out! Otunga leads the faction out. There is no Wade Barrett here. Otunga gets the microphone, and tells us that the faction is “Under new management now.” He wants to move on and let the past be the past… and wants to offer Cena a truce. BOO! says the live crowd. Cena calls bullshit on Otunga’s peace treaty, and destroys the little momentum Otunga horribly attempts to gain here… So Nexus swarms Cena, beating Superman down. And Nexus lands all their finishing moves…

– Time to take some time to think about one of the best things that could’ve happened. Think about who the new leader is… and yes, another custom-made animated gif:

Brilliant! Gets a chair… notices the damage… and thinks!

– Punk just sits and contemplates for a couple minutes… CM PUNK CHANTS BREAK OUT AS HE FIVES THE FISTED SALUTE TO NEXUS! Punk admires the devastation set upon Superman by the Nexus… indulges in it, if you will. YOUR NEW LEADER OF THE NEXUS? CM FUCKING PUNK!

– The TNA WWE logo comes up, and I’m out. For real, since the WWE doesn’t have another show to fake ratings for afterwards. Speaking of which, Reaction is apparently not being aired in January… so maybe my suffering through that crap will ensue. But who cares about that tonight? This was a great episode if you cheer for the bad guys… and I certainly do.

Maybe next week AlyKat will have a poll? Happy New Year smarks!


Shameless Plugs!


Bored Wrestling Fan
A break down of various professional wrestling programs and events from the eyes of the smarky fan

The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s political humour comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here

Project Wonderboy
A site dedicated to pop culture and media. From film to video games, MMA to hockey, and so forth.

Morphine Nation
An off-the-cuff, non-PC humour website. Originally founded by Destructoid’s Jim Sterling, the Morphine Nation provides a haven for content and criticism.

A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, and Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”).

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.


  1. Awe. Frigging. Some.

    Dear Lord, Alicia Fox's new hair was too distracting. It doesn't even look good on her. Loved Natalya's counter to Melina's hit. BOOM!

    HATED the destruction of Tyson Kidd and his bodyguard. What was the point of building them up if this was going to happen? They needed this win, and Henry wouldn't be adversely affected by a tainted, cheating loss. Sure, feed Mark Henry some squash wins, but not at the expense of Tyson Kidd and Company.

    CM PUNK! CM PUNK! CM PUNK! After all the complaining that I did about the Straight Edge Society not getting a fair chance, and that they ought to have had the spot that Nexus had, this happens. The GTS was awful, though. I think that only KENTA can do it. Absolutely hated Cena's complete no-selling (pardon the word choice) of Punk's claims at the beginning of the show, and of Nexus at the end of it. The Miz did an infinitely superior job of making John Morrison look like a credible threat to his title and as a general opponent through facial expressions and physical reactions than Cena did with Punk. Take that, everyone who keeps bashing The Miz's title reign! One job of a good champion is to make an opponent look like a real threat, and Cena never does this. Miz does.

    Bonus points for the Randall Flag usage.

  2. Fuck yeah! I'm banking the bonus points for a rainy day!

    I watched the intro promo a third time today. You know what's really cool about last night? The three most important individuals on the show were the Miz, Punk, and Cena. None of which are second or third generation wrestlers. All three were guys who grew up watching, and loving wrestling. I'm not necessarily knocking a family tradition here, rather making a general observation.

    • I thought that Cena's dad was a manager or wrestler before Cena Jr. was famous. I had originally thought that all of the indy appearances made by Cena's dad were purely because of his son's career, but I was informed that Cena Sr. was in the business before. I could be completely wrong about all of this. In any case, your point is still noted, and quite valid.

  3. Fabulous job, G, and thank you for taking over for me!! It's much appreciated. 🙂 I should be able to be back on it next week, but I will let you know.

    I thought the gifs were quite clever of you, by the way. While I missed watching RAW live, I did come in about the part where Miz was beating the snot out of Lawler and caught myself up. I hate that Miz keeps relying on Alex Riley (I yelled at my computer for a minute or so about this), and I admit that I was probably a little bit too overjoyed at the very idea of Miz getting his revenge on Lawler. Hopefully, he gets his revenge on Morrison next week!

    Loooooooooooooooooved everything about Punk tonight. He was amazingly on fire and spectacular. I felt like he drew heat very well throughout the entire thing. Yes, yes I did. Can't wait to see what's going to happen with him and Nexus. 🙂

    Thanks again, and excellent job!

  4. Holy crap what a show! Bravo to Punk for his great delivery in the opening promo, and bravo to The Miz for the same during his pre-match promo. If these guys are the future of this business, then dammit, the future is now!

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