This is my most hated week of the year. Don’t get me wrong, I love my country, and I love my neighbors to the north in Canada, but in the business I work in outside of BoredWrestlingFan, and in the city in which I work in said business, this is one of the most stressful weeks of the year. We’re busy early in the week for Canada Day, and then we’re busy later in the week for Independence Day. On top of that, this week marks 11 years I’ve been in said business, so I face the fact that for over a decade, I haven’t been able to find anything better than what I do. Oh well. Let’s go!
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, give you the gist of the first 30, then review the rest of the show with semi-factual information. Except this week, because I don’t feel like it. What are you gonna do about it? Complain? To who? This is my site, I do what I want with my reviews. Plus, I play by my own rules. Screw you, G’s SmackDown Reviews!
What I’ve already watched: Daniel Bryan says he’s going to win Money In The Bank. Then Sheamus, Randy Orton, Kane, Christian, and CM Punk say the same thing, and Punk says that RVD is probably watching somewhere saying it too. Orton winds up RKOing Kane. Then they showed clips of Buddy Rodgers and Lou Thesz because for some reason they’re really plugging the World and WWE titles tonight. Probably because Vickie Guerrero opened the show saying it was going to be World Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. WWE Champion John Cena in the main event.
Six Man Tag: The Shield vs. Christian & The Usos
Good. Maybe we can rectify the injustice that was these three undeserving pricks beating The Shield on Friday. And it is, as Ambrose pins Christian. Christian. This is not a main-eventer. Yet they try to push him as one. That’s what having one of the all time greats as your best friend will get you.
Bryan tells Kane that he got him a little something – a rematch with Randy Orton. Kane thanks him, but then Bryan reveals that he’s the special guest referee.
Dolph Ziggler is here and set for action – without AJ or Big E. He’s facing Jinder Mahal.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Jinder Mahal
Ziggler is OVER. So is this match. Zig Zag out of nowhere. The end. Or not – the rest of 3MB surround Ziggler, but he uses his speed to take all three out.
Video packages for former WWE Champion Bruno Sammartino and former World Champion Harley Race air.
Triple H tells Vickie she’s doing a great job, and not to listen to the rest of his family.
Video package airs highlighting Mark Henry’s career. Because the people in the arena paid to watch RAW on TV.
And Randy Orton comes out immediately after. I think the folks in the arena would rather be watching RAW on TV at this point.
Kane vs. Randy Orton: Special Guest Referee Daniel Bryan
I don’t care. I go foraging through my workplace for food. Oh god this is boring. FFW. Orton drops Kane with the elevated DDT and sets up for the RKO. Bryan gets in Orton’s way and admonishes him. Kane boots Orton in the face, and Bryan fast counts Orton’s shoulders down. Bryan tells Kane he wouldn’t have won without his help. Kane goozles Bryan, but doesn’t chokeslam him. Orton, however, RKOs Bryan.
Punk tells Paul Heyman he trusts him, but he doesn’t trust Curtis Axel. Heyman says that if Punk trusts him, he can trust that he can trust Axel.
Video packages air for former WWE Champion Bob Backlund and former World Heavyweight Champion Dusty Rhodes.
FANDANGO! He’s back! And he’s facing Sheamus. Because that’s who I’d want to face if I just came back from a concussion – the guy who kicks everybody in the head.
Fandango vs. Sheamus
Fandango controls a bit of this match, but after Sheamus teaches the kids to count, Fandango decides to leave. Sheamus wins by count-out.
Jericho is on commentary as Ryback faces The Miz
The Miz vs. Sheamus
Basic story, Miz works over the injured leg of Ryback. Ryback tells the referee to stop the match, so The Miz wins. Jericho drops Ryback with a Codebreaker.
Video packages showing former WWE Champion Hulk Hogan and former World Champion Ric Flair, who was just on Celebrity Wife Swap last night. That was entertaining.
Mark Henry says he’s going to take the WWE Championship at Money In The Bank.
Vince McMahon tells Brickie to listen to him or else.
Curtis Axel & CM Punk vs. The Prime Time Players
Punk and Axel steal tags from one another throughout the match, including the ending – Punk hits a GTS and Axel tags himself in to steal the pinfall.
Video packages air for former WWE Champion Stone Cold Steve Austin and former World Champion Sting.
Kaitlyn vs. Alicia Fox
Kaitlyn wins with the spear. Instead of her music, however, AJ comes out with Big E Langston. AJ calls Kaitlyn trash and shows a Photoshopped picture of a fat Kaitlyn.
Stephanie tells Vickie that they’re going to have a job evaluation next week in the ring, where Vickie can be promoted and actually become GM, or she could be fired.
Cody Rhodes vs. Antonio Cesaro
Rhodes and Damien Sandow insist they’ll still be best friends after the Money In The Bank match they’re both in. Zeb Colter re-introduces Jack Swagger, who is in the corner of Cesaro for this one. Cesaro picks up the win with the neutralizer.
Video packages for former WWE Champion Triple H and former World Champion Booker T
The Bella Twins make fun of the new Divas that will be on the E! show, saying they were pumped out of the Diva factory. The Funkadactyls and Natalya show up and one of the new girls say she’s debuting next week. For everything right that AJ and Kaitlyn have been doing for the Divas division, that segment was horrible. At least there’s a tweet from Bray Wyatt saying “Next week it begins.”
Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena
I’m tired. FFW! Mark Henry storms the ring, which causes Cena to break an STF. Ziggler runs in and distracts Del Rio, causing Cena to pick up the victory with the AA. Henry grabs the WWE Championship and gets in the ring. Henry toys with Cena, causing him to flinch on a couple occasions, leaving a giant smile on the face of the World’s Strongest Man.
RAW ends with another Wyatt Family vignette – they’ll be here NEXT WEEK!
Thoughts: That one was tough to get through. I don’t know necessarily if it was the show itself or the stress of this week, but I couldn’t make it through in one sitting. I dosed off at points. It kind of felt like we were in a holding pattern for this week. Oh well, the Wyatt Family are almost here! Goodnight folks, see you Sunday for BWF Radio’s tribute to Matt Borne!
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