RAW Bullet-Points 4/27/09By thinksojoe · · 3 Comments
Yes folks, the format from last week’s RAW is back! I liked the way last week’s turned out, even if it was a lot more work than normal, so we’re going with it again. Randy Orton is the WWE Champion after last night’s Backlash event, and Triple H was sent to the hospital, so tonight I suppose we’ll find out who’s going to step up to challenge the Legend Killer (not our Legend Killer, the WWE’s version) for his title.
- Vickie Guerrero kicks things off tonight, no longer in a wheelchair.
- She’s proud of her husband Edge for winning the World Heavyweight Championship last night. What this has to do with RAW, who knows.
- As the RAW GM, it’s her honor to introduce the new WWE Champion, Randy Orton!
- Orton poses with the belt on each of the turnbuckles for about 2 minutes each.
- The fans chant “You Suck” at the new WWE Champion.
- Orton says that the McMahons are mourning because their last hope, Triple H, has fallen
- He didn’t just pin Triple H, he beat him and took him out
- We’re presented with a video package of the last four months of Orton’s career
- Orton holds up his title one more time
- Vickie is excited that he’s on her show as the WWE Champion, and she’s happy to announce that he’ll have his first defense at Judgment Day in three weeks. His opponent will be the winner of a match between The Big Show and Batista later on tonight.
- Orton says we don’t need to like him, but we have to respect him.
- Everybody in the locker room should all answer to him, and if they don’t show him the respect he deserves or they’ll end up like Triple H
- United States Champion MVP interrupts
- MVP introduces himself to Orton, and says he’s impressed by Orton being WWE Champion, but he’s the US Champion and answers to nobody
- Ted DiBiase knows MVP is new to RAW but he doesn’t seem to be too bright. He should leave before tonight becomes the worst night of his life
- MVP tells DiBiase that Orton didn’t give him permission to speak.
- This isn’t the Randy Orton show, it’s Monday Night RAW
- MVP says that if Batista or The Big Show don’t take the WWE Championship from Orton, he will
- Rhodes asks Orton if they can show MVP what happens when you disrespect Legacy
- Vickie Guerrero announces a second main event for the evening. The United States Champion MVP vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton!
- We’re reminded of some of RAW’s draft choices. In fact, one of them is on the way to the ring
- Lillian announces him as Brian Kendrick. He corrects her.
- His opponent tonight is Kofi Kingston
- Kofi Kingston vs. The Brian Kendrick
- Jerry Lawler realizes something about this match – he and Cole will have to talk faster. That’s pretty much why I’m not going too in depth here.
- Kingston picks up the win with a Trouble In Paradise kick
- John Cena was thrown through a spotlight by The Big Show last night, which cost him the World Heavyweight Championship
- It’s doubtful that Cena will be here tonight due to
the fact that he’s filming a moviethe injuries he suffered.
- Vickie thanks Big Show for what he did. Show goes to kiss her, she says from now on it’s strictly professional
- WWE Rewind Beth Phoenix lost to Santina Marella last night with help from The Great Khali
- IT’S-A HER! SANTINA!
- It’s time for another 8-diva clusterf*(#
- Santina, Kelly Kelly, Brie Bella, & Mickie James vs. WWE Divas Champion Maryse, Jillian, Beth Phoenix, & Rosa Mendez
- I absolutely refuse to call this crap.
- Hornswoggle popped out from under the ring, where he was hanging out with both Bellas
- Santina rolled up Jillian for the victory off of the distraction
- Hornswoggle gets an upskirt look at Santina then runs away
- We’re reminded of some more of RAW’s draft picks. Another one of them has his hand in a cast and is on the way to the ring
- Matt Hardy is showing the effects of last night’s “I Quit” match with his brother Jeff
- He’s got a broken hand because his brother is a ruthless barbarian.
- He says he’s not a quitter. He never quit anything in his entire life.
- He had no other option after Jeff broke his hand.
- He’s got no option tonight, either, he’s being forced to wrestle.
- Goldust vs. Matt Hardy
- Matt tries to avoid Goldust early.
- The only move in the entire match is Matt hitting Goldust with the cast, picking up the win
- The WWE Champion still hears voices in his head, at least according to his theme song.
- United States Champion MVP vs. WWE Champion Randy Orton
- Triple H will apparently be out of action for a while. No Triple H comedy hour in Buffalo next week then.
- Crowd is solidly behind MVP in a pretty solid matchup
- MVP hits the Ballin’ elbow for a two
- Orton picks up the win by DQ when Shane McMahon attacks him with a kendo stick
- DiBiase and Rhodes chase Shane McMahon away from ringside
- John Cena was thrown through a spotlight by The Big Show last night, which cost him the World Heavyweight Championship – wait, didn’t I say that already?
- Even more RAW draft picks are mentioned. Guess what. One of them is on the way to the ring.
- Your chick magnet, The Miz is on Monday Night RAW
- Miz says he’s the most valuable draft pick for RAW
- He’s here on RAW to make an Impact. Not the TNA kind, the WWE kind.
- He’s challenging John Cena to a match tonight. He calls for a referee.
- Charles Robinson comes to the ring as Miz explains that he knows Cena was in that last man standing match last night, but he’s the kind of guy who doesn’t back down from a challenge
- Cena’s music hits! He doesn’t show up though.
- Miz wonders if Cena is scared of him.
- Miz says Cena’s right, he can’t see him, because his movies aren’t in theaters long enough! Ouch!
- Miz is tired of seeing the same people in main events on RAW. So are we.
- Cena declined The Miz’s challenge, which makes Miz the winner by forfeit. Miz 1, John Cena 0
- Lillian refuses to announce The Miz as the winner by forfeit, so he does it himself.
- WWE Unified Tag Team Champions Carlito & Primo vs. Chavo Guerrero & Jamie Noble
- Why bother calling it? You know who’s going to win.
- RAW is in Buffalo, NY next Monday. Know what that means? That means I won’t be doing one of these next Monday.
- Carlito picks up the win with a Backstabber on Jamie Noble
- Josh Matthews asks Batista if he feels responsible for Triple H losing the WWE Championship last night at Backlash. Batista ducks the question by saying he’s going to hurt Orton and take the WWE Championship.
- Vickie Guerrero has an announcement to make, but wants to remind us of “recent current events” first
- We get to see that same video Orton showed us earlier
- Next week’s main event will be Randy Orton vs. Shane McMahon (JT says: Set your DVR’s people!)(ThinkSoJoE says: I spent my hard earned money for tickets to see Orton vs. Shane McMahon?!?)
- Big show looks ready to go, Batista looks ready to pop.
- The Big Show vs. Batista
- They grapple, they punch each other, they no sell.
- Commercial Break: Use the Gilette Fusion or John Cena will hit you with a steel chair.
- We come back to Big Show getting a 2 count on Batista.
- Show dominating, hitting punch after punch, knocking Batista down.
- Show assaults Batista’s back throughout the match.
- Show hits a chokeslam.
- Outside the ring, IT’S CENA!!
- Big Show is distracted, Batista climbs in the ring, Big Shoe (ThinkSoJoE says: Normally, I’d fix this and leave it at that, but we’ll stick with what JT wrote, “Big Shoe.”) doesn’t make the 10 count.
- Shocker. Batista wins.
- After the bell Batista hits Big Show with a spear.
- Show gets up and as we go to black we have a stare off between Cena and (and extermely mad) Big Show.
Once again, thanks to JT for helping me out with coverage of the main event. Here are some thoughts coming out of the show. The Miz seems to be borrowing Chris Jericho’s gimmick from WCW where he claimed to be 3-0 against Goldberg. Difference is, we might actually get a payoff to this. Under normal circumstances, if Cena is in the building and being called out, he’d show up. Guess he must have really really really wanted to surprise The Big Show. I also guess this means I’ll have to see Cena next week in Buffalo after all. Ugh. Time to break out the “You-Can’t-Wrest-Le” chant, I suppose. Look for me, I’ll be up above the ribbon-board (that’s the “RAW” signs that wrap around the arena) just to the left next week!
Like this post? Subscribe to our RSS Feed today and never miss another!
You need a sign that reads "Randy Orton isnt the real Legend Killer, the real Legend Killer is at BoredWrestlingFan.com"
I've got a couple of signs in mind – "AARON WOOD SUCKS," of course, "OH NO, NOT JOHN CENA!," "TRIUMVIRATE" and now, likely, I'll do a "THE REAL LEGEND KILLER IS AT BOREDWRESTLINGFAN.COM"
Miz says Cena’s right, he can’t see him, because his movies aren’t in theaters long enough! Ouch!
Miz is tired of seeing the same people in main events on RAW. So are we.
Cena declined The Miz’s challenge, which makes Miz the winner by forfeit. Miz 1, John Cena 0
Lillian refuses to announce The Miz as the winner by forfeit, so he does it himself.
This part makes me take back everything that I said about never being able to like The Miz.