The Adamle era kicked off last night, and boy what a show it was. I told you guys that I think Adamle is going to be great in his role as GM, and if last night was any indication, I’m right. So without further adieu, you can get your RAW results and analysis after the jump!
Mike Adamle kicks things off, introducing himself as the RAW General Manager. Before the show (as the crowd chants “you suck”). There once was a man not taken seriously, performing in a circus like atmosphere, and he wasn’t good at his job. He’s talking about Ronald Regan. He went from a B rated movie actor to one of the greatest presidents in US history. The point he’s making is that first impressions can be decieving. Regan acted with a monkey. Adamle accidentally called Jeff Hardy, “Jeff Harvey.” Everybody makes mistakes, but we all grow from them. Adamle wants the fans to put his ECW days behind him. There’s even a petition going around asking for his resignation. Adamle wants to be a part of the land of opportunity. He believes in an America where anything can happen. I just got a Kleenex thrown at me – that happened in America. Are you happy, Mike? Anyways, Mike wants to know how many title matches we want to see tonight? We’ve got three tonight! The Tag Champs are defending against John Cena and Batista. JBL interrupts him. JBL wants to be the first to congratulate Adamle. JBL took advantage of the land of opportunity. He’s a self-made millionaire, and he’s a part of the feature article in Fortune Magazine. JBL says Adamle is a born winner. Everything he does turns to gold, just like JBL. The announcement of Cena vs. Batista was a winning announcement. JBL wants Adamle to announce JBL vs. CM Punk at SummerSlam. Y2J interrupts Adamle’s reply. He’s got something to say too. JBL says that it doesn’t concern him. Y2J says he ended HBK’s career, so this announcement does concern him – he deserves the title match at SummerSlam. JBL reminds Jericho that he beat Cena in the New York City Street Fight. Y2J is not in his league. Y2J says that Adamle commentated the match that Y2J destroyed HBK in (he didn’t). Jericho says the last time he faced JBL, JBL was left unconcious. This is the conversation Mike was anticipating. He says it’s going to be Jericho and JBL against CM Punk in a Handicap Match. If one of them beats Punk, that man will face Punk for the World Heavyweight Championship. If Punk wins, neither of them get a shot.
JAMAICAN ME CRAZY, KOFI! The Intercontinental Champion is set to defend his championship here tonight. His opponent is Pirate Paul Burchill.
Kofi Kingston def. Paul Burchill to retain the WWE Intercontinental Championship
Paul starts out working on the arm. I’d go after Kofi’s leg, personally, but then again, I’m just a fan, not a wrestler. My strategy might have paid off better, because Kofi goes on the offense, using his kicks and his high vertical leap to his advantage. Kofi got distracted by Katie Lea though, and caught a clothesline from behind. Paul goes on the offense, brutally attacking Kofi. Kofi manages to turn the tide, getting a two count off of a cross body. He nails the Trouble In Paradise and picks up the win, retaining his title.
Katie gets in Kofi’s face after the match. He sidesteps a charging Paul Burchill, and chases him off, as the WWE Women’s Champion, Mickie James makes her way to the ring. She’ll be defending the title against Paul’s sister – NEXT!
Mickie James def. Katie Lea Burchill to retain the WWE Women’s Championship
Back from break, the match is underway. Mickie nails a snapmare when we get back. She’s in control of the match, furiously attacking the challenger, appparently payback for being attacked in front of her father last week. Katie can be pretty vicious herself, however. She turns the tide by draping Mickie over the ropes. She wastes too much time gloating about it though, and only gets a two count. Katie keeps control, even putting Mickie in a bow and arrow style move. Mickie rolls through it and gets a two, and starts to fight back. She takes down the challenger with an elbow and a neckbreaker – but only gets two. Katie gets a jawbreaker and a suplex for a two. Back and forth action here. Mickie reverses a neckbreaker attempt from Katie Lea, and nails her with the Mickie-DT for the win!
After the match, The Glamazon attacks Mickie from behind. She slams her back against the ring apron, rolls her into the ring, and Micke manages to battle back, but gets caught in Beth’s rendition of Kong’s Implant Buster. Santino comes out to the stage and applauds Beth. She’s perplexed at first, and then she smiles at Santino before grabbing his ass, much to his surprise. He pats her on her ass, and she looks at him funny.
Cena and Batista vs. Rhodes and Holly, later on – but up next, a look at John Cena.
September 8, 1997. Mr. McMahon interviews Sgt. Slaughter, when Stone Cold Steve Austin shows up. He’ll break every damned law Slaugter can make, and ain’t nobody can stop him. Slaugher eats a stunner – but Vinnie Mac escapes. Relive this moment and more on 24/7 Classics on Demand.
Adamle thanks Stephanie via cell phone for the opportunity and congratulates her on the baby. Santino congratulates Mike for being General Manager. He and Beth think they should both have title matches at SummerSlam. They need to decide who gets the shot – either her getting the Women’s title match, or Santino getting the IC title match. They argue, Santino says he doesn’t want to be the Women’s Champion. Adamle has an Adamle Original thought – Kofi Kingston and Mickie James vs. Santino and Beth with both the IC Championship and Women’s Championship on the line.
Video package on John Cena.
Batista saw it, and gets interviewed by ECW announcer Todd Grisham. He’s not crazy about having to team with Cena tonight. If beating Cena moves him one step closer to the World Heavyweight Championship, so be it. His advice for Cena tonight is to stay out of his way.
Still to come, an Adamle Original – CM Punk vs. JBL & Y2J
Still to come tonight, a special interview with Shawn Michaels.
Scrawny Bitch Theater is on the air – Layla is sluttily moving about in the ring. Earlier, Jamie Noble says he tried to call Layla two or three times last night. After the show he wants to go to the waffle house. Layla says that this thing isn’t working. Every time Jamie opens his mouth he gets beat up. Layla doesn’t associate with losers. Jamie says not to bother calling him when somebody else is wolfing down her pecan waffle.
William Regal saves us from Layla slutting up the ring with her “dancing.” His name is William Regal, and he is our king. He won the 2008 King of the Ring tournament. As your king, it’s his duty to… get interrupted by Jamie Noble. Noble storms into the ring and attacks Regal. They start throwing punches at each other before referees come to break up the fight.
CM Punk is walking down the hall. He’s in handicapped action, NEXT!
Tomorrow on ECW – The Dirt Sheet LIVE! with Mark Henry and Matt Hardy.
WWE Rewind: JBL pins JTG on Saturday Night’s Main Event.
JBL & Chris Jericho def. CM Punk. JBL pinned Punk, giving him the World Heavyweight Championship match at SummerSlam
Michael Cole and The King explain that the issue of “Fortune” that JBL was supposedly featured in actually features JBL’s wife, with a few mentions of Layfield. Y2J comes out wearing short tights. Apparently Lance Cade has a broken nose. The World Champion comes to the ring, and we’ve ourselves an Adamle Original handicapped match – whoever pins Punk gets a shot at him at SummerSlam, but if neither can, neither get the shot. Adamle announces before the match that if nobody wins this match in ten minutes, it’s a Triple Threat Match at SummerSlam. The team of Jericho and JBL wasted the first 15 seconds arguing before Punk attacked them. Didn’t do him much good, because for the rest of the first minute, Punk gets double teamed. He managed to create some separation and get some offense in, but JBL catches him and gives him a fallaway slam for a two count. Punk manages to fend off JBL, but then gets attacked by Y2J. Punk tries to mount some offense, to no avail. When he finally does, JBL gets back in and attacks him from behind. As he goes for a cover, Jericho breaks it up, and then Jericho and JBL start battling each other, while Punk rolls out of the ring to catch a breather. Bradshaw knocks Y2J down and goes out after Punk, but when he rolls him in, Jericho hits a lionsault for two, before JBL drags him outside. Jericho and JBL start going at it again, and Punk takes advantage of it with three minutes left to go. He hits the GTS on JBL, but only gets two before Jericho breaks up the count. Punk gets two on Jericho off of a snap powerslam with two minutes left to go. Jericho misses a dropkick, and Punk slingshots him in to JBL, followed by another two count for the Champion. He goes for a GTS on Jericho, but gets his eyes raked and winds up in the Wall of Jericho with 1 minute left to go. He gets close to the ropes, but gets pulled away. JBL kicks Jericho in the back of the head to break up the submission, but is too dizzy to take advantage. Jericho snaps Bradshaw over the top rope, and he falls back onto Punk, getting the three for the win with just a second left to go. Therefore it’s going to be JBL vs. CM Punk in the main event at SummerSlam for the World Heavyweight Championship.
HBK is standing by at home in San Antonio. What’s he got to say? We’ll find out after this…
<COMMERCIAL BREAK> – apparently, Brock Lesnar is trying his hands at UFC again at their next PPV
Video of Shawn Michaels getting his eye destroyed by Y2J at The Great American Bash.
Shawn Michaels is standing by. How’s he doing? He’s been better. There has indeed been severe damage done to his eye. Before Jericho starts patting himself on the back for ending his career – Shawn says that and then he runs down his injuries. Anyways, he’s got a re-evaluation on his eye the Friday before SummerSlam, and at the PPV, he’s going to make an announcement. Whatever the doctors say, Shawn’s going to listen this time. He’s ready to walk away if need be. He loved performing for the WWE Universe, but he loves his family more. Jericho said he should look back on a wonderful career, and Shawn thinks that maybe he was right.
Still to come, John Cena and Batista take on Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase.
Matt Striker is in the ring. He thanks Mike Adamle for finally allowing him to compete as a member of the RAW roster, and it’s fitting that it’s happening in an esteemed university – but he uses that term loosely. He’s confident that Mike has chosen a fine opponent for him tonight, against whom he can show off his athletic prowe…
Kane vs. Matt Striker
I’m not even going to type what’s going on, because I think we all know what’s going to happen. Kane dominates from the outset, nailing the chokeslam (and giving Striker a wedgie in the process), and getting the pin.
Kane picks up his bag and heads over to the broadcast booth. but he doesn’t attack the announcers, he grabs a microphone instead. He takes it into the ring with him, and says…
“I’ve been in a bad place lately. I’m better now. He’s not alive, he’s dead.”+
He looks at his bag and he leaves.
SmackDown Rebound: Edge beats the holy hell out of Mick Foley.
Rundown of the SummerSlam card.
Video package on Batista.
Todd Grisham asks Cena about teaming up with Batista. Cena respects Batista’s abilities. Cena was surprised that Adamle is the GM. You could be Adamle, Jack Tunney, or some idiot off the street, and you know that Batista vs. Cena is the match to make. Then he babbles on for a little while and I stopped really caring because he’s really not saying anything with any importance.
Adamle is doing some paperwork in his office when Kelly Kelly comes to congratulate him. She says he’s outdone himself with two title matches and one to come, and woah, how scary is Kane? Adamle says that next week, we’re going to find out what’s in Kane’s bag -and if we don’t, we’re going to take it away from him.
Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes are Priceless – and they’re the World Tag Team Champions. All that, and they’re the opponents of John Cena and Batista tonight.
Batista and John Cena def. Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase to win the World Tag Team Championship.
Cena starts things off, and does pretty well against the tag champions. A friendly tag to Batista keeps the offense going for their team. That’s not to say that the Tag Champs aren’t holding their own against the two big men. Batista misses a spear and goes shoulder first into the ringpost as we go to our final commercial break. When we come back, Cody is working over the arm of Batista. Cole and King tell us that the champs have been in control throughout the break. Batista boots Cody in the face, and tags in Cena, who explodes on the World Tag Team Champions, hitting a 5-knuckle shuffle on Rhodes and going for an FU, when DiBiase makes a blind tag and attacks Cena from behind, giving his team the advantage. The action spills outside, where Cena is whipped by DiBiase into the steel ring steps. DiBiase rolls Cena back in, but Cena gets a rope break on a pin attempt. The tag champs make quick tags and keep Cena cut off from Batista – classic tag team strategy, and it still works today. Cena starts to battle back, but gets caught in a Cody Rhodes sleeper before he can take advantage (and no, by “Cody Rhodes sleeper,” I don’t mean that Rhodes cut a mid-match promo). Cena pulls Rhodes to his corner, going for the tag, but Batista steps away from the tag attempt, as Ted DiBiase helps Rhodes move Cena back toward the center of the ring. Ted gets tagged in and applies a sleeper of his own, but Cena powers out of it, and counters into one of his own, but it’s broken up by Rhodes before it could be effective. Cena’s got momentum though, he takes DiBiase down with a sidewalk slam, then tags in Batista – with a slap to the face. The SummerSlam opponents stare each other down, until Batista suddenly explodes with clothesline on a charging DiBiase. Batista nails DiBiase with a Batsita Bomb, and we’ve got new World Tag Team Champions!
Batista holds the belts up, and then hands Cena his. Cena looks at it, looks at Batista, and holds his belt up high. Batista follows suit. Cena holds the belt up for the fans, never taking his eyes off of Batista. Batista does the same. Cena gets a much bigger reaction than Batista does, though Cena’s is much more high pitched. Cena’s music plays as we see a replay of their Tag Team Championship win. The show ends with Cena and Batista celebrating in the ring.
I had a sinking feeling in my stomach when I first heard that Cena and Batista would be challenging for the World Tag Team Championship. I knew they would win, I just knew it. WWE has this thing that they do every couple of years where two guys, usually both faces, are having a friendly rivalry and wind up winning the Tag Team Championship a few weeks before they face off, thus putting the Tag Team Champions against each other. I don’t know why they do it, but they do. They did it a few years back with HBK and Cena, and they’ve done it numerous times before that, pretty much since the Attitude Era.
Anyways, Adamle’s first night on the job – what did you guys think? I thought he did pretty good, and I think the writing staff is having fun with him as GM because it gives them a fresh face to have out there spewing out new ideas – or “Adamle Originals” if you will. I liked the 10 minute handicap match idea – in fact, I love the way that JBL won it, because it was unique. I like the match he made for SummerSlam with Santino and Beth taking on Kofi and Mickie for both the IC and Women’s Championships.
Jericho picked a bad night to start wearing short black trunks – he was teamed with JBL, and since they both have short, light-colored hair, it was difficult to tell them apart at times. Again though, I liked how the match ended.
I can’t tell you how much I don’t care about Shawn Michaels’ saga right now. Looks like we’ll probably be getting another Jericho/Michaels match sometime soon.
That’s pretty much it for me for this week’s RAW. See you tomorrow morning for ECW.
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