RAW results 3/8/10By thinksojoe · · 3 Comments
Welcome to part two of our Monday Night Wars coverage for this week. Earlier tonight, Drow brought you our very first ROH Report, and here I am to bring you your RAW results, and later on, we’ll have iMPACT coverage as well. Tonight, the Mindfreak, Criss Angel hosts RAW (great. Lame magic tricks all night), Vince McMahon takes on John Cena, and Randy Orton will take on Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase in a handicap match. We’ll also see what happens next between John Cena and Batista, Triple H and Sheamus, and Vince McMahon and Bret Hart. Ready to go? Then don’t cross the line, because on USA Network we’re uncut, uncensored, and uncooked, it’s Monday Night RAW!
We get a cold open for RAW – a damn cold open. In fact, it’s freezing in here. Did somebody turn the heat off? No, wait – it’s just The Undertaker! Undertaker made it to the ring before Hulk Hogan did on TNA – and Hogan didn’t have to climb any stairs.
Undertaker says that last week is symbolic of what HBK’s life has become. Since he became number 17, his life has now got a dark cloud hanging over his head. His obsession with getting rid of the cloud will cause him to pay the ultimate price – his storied career. After WrestleMania, there will be no tomorrow. There will be no victory. Only the same dark cloud over his head for the rest of his life. It brings Undertaker no joy in saying this, but the fact is, in three weeks, Shawn Michaels career will rest in…
Oh, oh, Shawn!
Shawn Michaels makes his way out on RAW – and Ric Flair and AJ Styles make their way out at the same time on iMPACT. HBK says that Undertaker doesn’t get to finish his line. For the last year, it’s been hanging over his head like a dark cloud. He went to bed last week, angry and full of rage, but when he woke up, the cloud was gone. He had an epiphany. The reason he cost Undertaker the title at the Elimination Chamber is because he had no choice. He had to. Undertaker interfered in HBKs match last week, but he didn’t have to. It occurs to HBK that for the first time, inside the Undertaker’s cold, black heart, exists fear. Undertaker tells HBK to choose his words carefully. HBK says fear – because Undertaker is the only one who knows how close HBK came to ending it all for him last year. That’s why he asked HBK to put his career on the line. He thought he could intimidate Michaels, but he can’t. HBK wouldn’t risk everything if he didn’t know he can beat The Undertaker. Nobody lives a perfect life. Nothing lasts forever (even cold November rain), and Shawn’s going to prove it. Undertaker wonders if HBK is full of confidence or desperation. HBK isn’t desperate. Last year he’d have taken anything to have his hand raised in victory. Not this year. Not with so much on the line. That’s why he proposes no countouts, no disqualifications, only pinfall or submission. HBK is going to kick Undertaker’s teeth down his throat, and he’s going to beat him. Undertaker says so it shall be. HBK has chosen his own demise. He can look in Shawn’s eyes and see the fire, passion and the will. He can look into Michaels’ soul and see that he honestly thinks he can defeat him at WrestleMania. That’s what makes him the Showstopper, the Main Event. Hell, Mr. WrestleMania. Undertaker says not this year. In Undertaker’s opinion, HBK may be the greatest to ever step foot in the ring, but on March 28th, he’ll open the gates of hell and unleash a fury that no mortal man has ever seen to make sure that at WrestleMania, HBK’s career is over. HBK tells him to keep telling himself that. After WrestleMania, the dark cloud will come back, but it will hang over The Undertaker. It will follow him wherever he goes, and inside this dark cloud is an image that will haunt him for the rest of his life – the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels ending his WrestleMania undefeated streak.
@x_tialicia If Criss Angel isn’t gonna make John Cena disappear then what’s the point of watching #RAW tonight? #wwe #BWFWWE
@AlyKat_730 #WWE is going to burn TNA to the ground tonight! #BWFWWE
@NiKiharu Yeah, you can kiss my grits, Taker. SHAWN FUCKIN’ MICHAELS IS GONNA WIN! #BWFWWE
WWE is trying to keep viewers by throwing the Divas out there. Yeah, that’s gonna help.
Gail Kim, Eve, and Kelly Kelly def. Alicia Fox, Maryse, and Katie Lea Burchill
I hate these multi-diva clusterfucks. Seriously. It’s still better than watching commercials over on Spike TV though. Eve won with an armbar, or some shit like that.
Later Tonight: Something to do with Sheamus and Triple H, and Criss Angel does somethingorother.
Speaking of Criss Angel, he’s backstage with Hornswoggle when the Bella Twins come in and start hitting on him. He says he doesn’t use twins. He takes a piece of thread from one of them, and puts it in his mouth then pulls it out of his eye. Yay. Lame magic tricks. And lame singing Divas wanting to be magic assistants. Jillian comes in and sings Aerosmith’s “Angel.” He says something and she runs away.
Up next: ShoMiz takes on John Morrison and R-Truth in a WrestleMania preview.
@Jess1186 Diva wrestling…. oh yay… #BWFWWE
@dasharpshooters That (A) on Chris Angels hat stands for asshole #wwe #raw #bwf
@ZigglerForever Miz, JoMo, Criss Angel, DiBiase, AND Orton? Hell yes. #wwe
This past Friday: The Hart Dynasty jobbed again.
The Big Show and The Miz, collectively known as The Unified WWE Tag Team Champions ShoMiz make their way to the ring. Miz reminds us that John Morrison and R-Truth earned the rights to face them at WrestleMania. Earned it? Really? Not since The British Bulldog and Lex Luger bored millions at WrestleMania XI have a team been less deserving. ShoMiz would rather face The Bushwhackers. Shame on us for not realizing what’s standing before us. Precious commodities. Endangered species. They’re the last truly great tag team in the WWE.
Now listen, this ain’t no make believe… WHAT’S UP!?!
Random team #98635972304820934 make their way to the ring, and they’re getting to face the Unified Tag Team Champions a few weeks before WrestleMania.
John Morrison & R-Truth vs. ShoMiz
Um. I thought the Divas match was a clusterf*(#, this one didn’t even start before it ended. It’s a brawl.
Morrison says they’re a real team, they just showed ShoMiz. Truth says “that’s the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.”
Still to come: Randy Orton vs. Legacy, and Vince McMahon takes on John Cena.
@SadieandRISE Interesting 35 second match with ShoMiz and R-Truth/Morrison. What the heck was that supposed to prove? #WWE #BWFWWE
@LinJapanese still waiting for a match… #WWE
@_ChantelleBrown Morrison > TNA Just saying lol #WWE
WrestleMania XXVI: 20 Days Away!
Video: John Cena’s recent history with Batista.
Josh Matthews is a tool, and he’s standing by with John Cena. Batista left him speechless last week. Cena says Batista’s right. He can’t beat him. He’s taken Cena’s titles, broken his neck, left him for dead. Cena says that Batista has his number. The only thing he can do is go out and beat him. Matthews asks if he thinks Batista will get involved in his match tonight. Cena’s counting on it.
Backstage: Evan Bourne is thanking Criss Angel for something. Skip Sheffield comes in and introduces himself to Angel. Regal says he’ll see Bourne in the ring. Sheffield begs to see a mind trick. Angel has him write a number down. He writes 56. Angel goes through a bunch of bullcrap, and winds up picking 56 in the end. Sheffield tells Regal he owes him a Travis Tritt cd.
Video: Cody Rhodes helps Ted DiBiase eliminate Randy Orton at the Elimination Chamber.
It’s a new day…
But it’s the same old Randy Orton. He jumps Legacy from behind on their way to the ring. Apparently the match is still on though, and it’s NEXT!
@WrestLOLmania CONGRATULATIONS RANDY ORTON! 1 YEAR WITHOUT WEARING PANTS! #WWE #RAW
@C00kieCrumz Thank you Legacy/Orton for turning my attention back to #wwe #raw
@mpaul82 Randy Orton is the shit… nobody better right now #wwe
Legacy def. Randy Orton
Orton starts off on the offense. Legacy can’t get out of the box, but with the referee distracted by Rhodes, DiBiase gets a cheap shot in, and Legacy turn the tide. Orton dumps Rhodes to the outside, and DiBiase tries to sneak up on him, but Orton turns to see him coming. DiBiase backs out of the ring, and we back into a…
@Spydor2003 #bwf tna no sorry money hogan vs money mcmahon the bigger company wins.
@jonfun Monday nights are wrestling! Thank you #twitter #wrestling #tna #wwe
@Miss_KimberleyJ So tired, but I WILL stay awake so see Sheamus!! Commercials..please go fuck yourself!! >:( #WWE #RAW
I just saw RVD pin Sting on TNA – but I’m a WWE guy through thick and thin.
Legacy are in control of this match when we come back and it looks as though there’s no hope for Orton in this one. DiBiase stays one step ahead of Orton, literally, running behind Orton and clotheslining him down. Gorilla Monsoon would be proud of the former World Tag Team Champions, as they use frequent tags to keep a fresh man in the ring, but Orton finally gets a second wind and mounts a comeback. Orton looks up at the WrestleMania sign and then sets up for the RKO. Rhodes tries to stop him and provides enough of a distraction to allow DiBiase to drop Orton with DreamStreet for the victory!
After the match, Rhodes nails Orton with the CrossRhodes for good measure. Legacy do Orton’s pose to mock him.
Batista is watching backstage when that tool Josh Matthews comes in and asks about what Cena said earlier. Batista says that Cena is paranoid. Batista gives his word as WWE Champion that he won’t get involved tonight. He tells Matthews that if he sees Cena to tell him good luck.
Still to come: Vince McMahon takes on John Cena.
Triple H is walking backstage. He’ll be babbling on, NEXT!
@dreamxstreet16 Yeah!! That’s what I’m talking about!! @TDiBiaseMarine2 and Cody!!! My boys!!! #WWE
@DSmithImages Batista with a nose ring? I love how he’s taking this douche-bag character to the absolute peak. #WWE #MondayNightWars
@jpreston32 And I can’t believe you, Cody! Doing Randy’s pose. RANDY’S POSE!! I no longer like you lol #wwe
@dasharpshooters: Batista was watching TNA on that tv #wwe
It’s time to play the game…. TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!
Hmm. Triple H is on RAW, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, and Shawn Waltman are on iMPACT. The Cliq have taken over Monday Nights!
Triple H says he respects what Sheamus did last week. If some guy beat him up, gave him a concussion, and humiliated him, he’d want to make a statement too…
It’s a shame that they lost their heads, a careless man could wind up dead…
Sheamus wastes no time heading to the ring and doesn’t take his eyes off of The Game. Sheamus says he’ll make a statement at WrestleMania if Triple H has the guts. Does Triple H have the guts? Sheamus has had a hell of a first year, but he’d never been to the big dance. He’s never been to WrestleMania. Sheamus knows as well as Triple H, until he makes a statement at WrestleMania, his accomplishments mean nothing. Triple H used to be undefeated, and he was going to make a name for himself at WrestleMania, but you know what happened? He got crushed. Then he had to dig his way out from the hole that left him in until he became the guy. A lot of guys tried, a few succeeded, and the ones who have beaten him at WrestleMania have gone on to another level. Ask Cena, ask Batista. That’s the short list. The rest of them lost and went back into obscurity. Sheamus has to be willing to lay it all on the line. All or nothing. He’s got one shot at being immortal at WrestleMania or being nothing. It’s a to think about. Before Sheamus takes that gamble, he’d better be sure. Sheamus backs up, then swings at Triple H, but The Game catches blocks it and clotheslines Sheamus out of the ring. Not content to be upstaged, Sheamus pulls Triple H out of the ring and the brawl continues on the outside. Sheamus tries to get out of Dodge but Triple H won’t let him. Sheamus then turns the tide, bouncing Triple H’s head off the announce table. Back in the ring, Triple H hits a spinebuster and Sheamus takes off.
Backstage: Santino talks about great Italian magicians, like Ralph Macchio disappearing after the Karate Kid. Santino does the severed thumb trick. Criss Angel has four empty cups. He has a sushi knife, and he wants Santino to hid it under one of the cups. Santino tries to cheat a little bit. Angel crushes the first cup. Then a second one. He’s got a 50/50 chance of stabbing himself through the hand, but he picks the right cup, and sadly, we have to deal with more lame magic tricks for the rest of the show.
@JonHexLives Where is Ralph Macchio? #Santino #WWE #Raw
@wellyourewrong David Otunga has the best catchphrase ever. “C’mon man, Google Me” #wwe
@benjirino There’s a reason guys like Shawn Michaels, Triple H, John Cena and Batista rule #wwe #raw, and in #wrestlemania season we understand why
Apparently, “Be Yourself” by Audioslave must be a theme for WrestleMania this year, since they’re playing it while talking about Money In The Bank.
Christian and Heath Slater are joining on commentary. Evan Bourne gets a full entrance, and I’m begging WWE to let him win this match. You don’t need him to win Money In The Bank, as long as he’s in it, the awesomeness level in the match will go way up. Skip Sheffield accompanies William Regal to the ring and we’re set for action!
Evan Bourne def. William Regal to qualify for the Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Dear WWE. I’d like to watch the match. Please keep the camera in the ring and not on Christian. Regal dominates early on, using his power advantage, but Bourne uses his quickness. He gets a knee up into Regal’s face and hits the SSP for the victory – Evan Bourne is going to WrestleMania!
Still to come: Mr. McMahon takes on John Cena
@coreysantiago Looking at all the participants in the Money in the Bank Christian is by far the favorite. If he doesn’t win then its a big shock. #WWE #RAW
@benjirino #wwe #raw Watching Christian over the last year makes me realize how much he was missed for #tna and their Frontline angle
@john_grimaldi #WWE good to see @findevan get a TV win and a Wrestlemania opportunity
WrestleMania Recall: Goldberg and Brock Lesnar get booed – and then Stunned – the hell out of the WWE. Actually, out of pro wrestling in general.
We get a rundown of the WrestleMania XXVI card.
Video: The recent history between Bret Hart and Vince McMahon.
Mr. McMahon is headed to the ring. He’ll face John Cena – NEXT!
@reilly21106 Just want to say that I love how Wrestlemania is almost all singles matches this year, it’s rare and I love it. #WWE
@paulakap8 #wwe is the BEST AND NEXT WEEK STEVE AUSTIN!!!!
@idoliseisaiahx: I’m so mad that Vince McMahon just called Bret Hart an old fossil when he’s 18 years older than him. #smh. #WWE #Raw
Next Week: Stone Cold Steve Austin guest hosts as we have WrestleMania Rewind week. Three WrestleMania rematches are announced – John Cena vs. The Big Show (the opening contest from WrestleMania XX), Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Jericho (a show stealing match from WrestleMania XIX), and Triple H vs. Randy Orton (a rematch from last year’s WrestleMania).
Criss Angel announced the main event of the evening…
John Cena made his way out first for this match, and we soon found out why. Mr. McMahon came out and announced that this match is now a handicap gauntlet match. McMahon’s first partner is the seldom seen Vladimir Kozlov.
Kozlov took down Cena and tagged in McMahon, who couldn’t get the three count. He brought out his next partner, WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre, who did more damage before tagging in McMahon, who once again scored two. McMahon brought out Jack Swagger, and that brought out a…
Swagger can’t get the job done, so McMahon brings out a reluctant Mark Henry. When Henry can’t get the job done, McMahon announces that this is a No DQ match and tries to use the bell. Henry tries to stop him. McMahon orders Henry to use the bell on Cena, but The World’s Strongest Man refuses. Batista shows up and Henry eats a Spear for his trouble. Kofi Kingston shows up and tries to help out Cena, but he’s Batista Bombed away. Cena takes out Batista, and goes for the Attitude Adjustment on Mr. McMahon, but Batista returns and spears him, then hits a Batista Bomb. McMahon makes the cover and picks up the victory. McMahon leaves, and RAW goes off the air with Batista standing over a fallen Cena.
My thoughts: RAW was pretty good tonight. We got the hard sell for WrestleMania, and everything they did, at least in my opinion thusfar (read: without seeing TNA’s show yet), should have kept most viewers attention away from iMPACT. Of course, there are a lot of people out there who will disagree with me. In fact, I’d venture to say we may hear from some of them during the iMPACT review, which with any luck will be up in a few hours (after I obtain a copy of the show and write the review).
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Appreciated your analysis of this fascinating issue. Bookmarked and return for more entertaining discourse. Cheers.
Hey.I ‘m truly interested in this.Where can I find more stuff about it? Any recommendations?
i think that the way drew mcentire is getting away with every thing he is doing to matt hardy and teddy long i mean going over teddys head crying like a big 2 yr old baby that is wrong he should not be a loud to have hes way no one else gets there way so way should he.i also think vince mcmahon is wrong for over ruled teddy long for what he did to drew mcentire because drew deserved what teddy tried to do.all of the is just a butt kissing thing that drew and vince has going on.