I know, I know.  I’v e been changing the format of the RAW review on a near weekly basis.  I wasn’t intending to this time, but I wound up oversleeping and waking up just 5 minutes before the show started, leaving me with no time to set up a review.  The important thing is, I watched RAW, and I’m going to tell you about it.  Ready?  Let’s go!

Batista kicked off RAW after the obligatory WWE Championship highlight package.  The new Champion did it for Ric Flair, himself, all the fans in the arena, and all the fans at home.  Thank you, Batista.  Thank you for taking the WWE Championship from my favorite RAW Superstar and bringing your sucktitude to the forefront of the WWE’s flagship program.  I really appreciate you doing that for me.  Anyways, Davey says that it’s just the beginning of the punishment for Randy Orton.  You know what that means, of course…

I hear voices in my head…

That’s right, the former Champion is here, and slowly walking to the ring.  Of course, this is just a distraction for Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes to attack Batista.  Batista fends them off for a few moments, but when he makes a Batista Bomb attempt on Orton, Rhodes cracked him in the arm with a chair.  Orton wrapped the chair around Batista’s arm and pulled back until the arm snapped.  Orton took the WWE Championship and left with Legacy.  Batista left beltless and with the aid of EMTs.  As the Animal was loaded into the ambulance, he asked for his belt.

Kofi Kingston def. William Regal

The guy from Europe comes to the ring and tells us that we should be ashamed that we have a Jamaican for a United States Champion.  Then he proceeds to lose to said Jamaican.

Legacy are confident that Batista won’t be coming back.  Orton tells Josh Matthews he’s invoking his rematch clause later tonight.

Maryse def. Kelly Kelly to retain the WWE Diva’s Championship

Maryse made short work of Kelly squared.  The whole thing was done to further the slowly simmering feud between Maryse and Mickie James, who did commentary for the match.

Vickie Guerrero tells Josh Matthews that the WWE Championship match is on, and if Batista doesn’t show up, we’ve got a new champion.  Also, she’s got a major announcement later tonight.

Maryse told The Miz that if he wants to talk to her, he needs to prove himself by beating John Cena later tonight.

Santino, Festus, & Goldust def. Chavo Guerrero, Jamie Noble, and The Brian Kendrick

VinceRussoWatchesHisBeardGrow.com’s Green Teabagger gets most of his wish – he was hoping for a faction featuring Festus, Goldust, Hornswoggle, and The Bella Twins, led by Santino Marella.  He got most of it for tonight.  And his wish went over in this one too.

The Miz says that he knows some people think that he hasn’t really proven anything in his feud with John Cena – but that’s Cena’s fault for ducking The Miz.

The Miz vs. John Cena – no contest

Big Show came out at the beginning, Cena tossed Miz out of the ring, Show chokeslammed Cena and locked him in the Camel Clutch.  The Miz re-entered the ring swinging a steel chair – right at The Big Show.  Several shots to the Big Show later, Miz laid one more shot in to John Cena for good measure.  Miz escapes with his life before an angry Big Show gets back to his feed.

MVP wants a crack at the WWE Championship next week.  This week, he’s got Matt Hardy.

MVP def. Matt Hardy

Matt had a miscue that caused his broken hand to hit the turnbuckle, allowing MVP to hit the Playmaker for the victory.

Vickie Guerrero has an announcement.  She doesn’t care if the fans thought it was fair of her to grant Orton a rematch against an injured Animal.  It’s because we all laugh at her.  It’s for that same reason that she’s resigning as General Manager of RAW.

You think you know me….

Edge comes out and tells Vickie that he thought he’d come out and apologize for telling her he wanted a divorce, and that they could work it out.  Vickie is thrilled about this – until Edge says that he was going to apologize, but then she quit so he doesn’t have to.  Vickie seems confused, so Edge explains it to her – The sky is blue, grass is green, and Edge only married Vickie for her power.  Since she can’t help him get back his World Heavyweight Championship anymore, she’s useless.  Every time he kissed her he had to run to the bathroom and dry heave.  When they went out in public, people thought she was his mother.  He’s just glad they never had time to consumate the marriage.  Edge reiterates that he wants a divorce, and leaves Vickie screaming and crying in the ring as the fans serenade her out of the WWE.

Priceless def. The Colons

With their win here, Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes have gotten themselves a future championship match.

Randy Orton vs. Batista – apparently a no-contest

Orton awaited the arrival – if there was to be one – of Batista.  The referee started a ten count, but stopped when it was shown that the ambulance returned.  Orton seemed ready for Batista but he got somebody else.


The Game returned and pretty much beat the crap out of Orton for what seemed to be an eternity.  H-Cubed stood tall over Orton as RAW fades to black.

My Thoughts: Look, I don’t mind Triple H.  I was just talking about him to my girlfriend this morning about it.  Sure, he married the boss’s daughter, but the guy has a hell of a mind for the business and is a great worker.  My problem with him at this point in time is that he came back and completely destroyed the top heel on RAW.  It needed to happen, I know, but the beating dragged on forever.  I left for work just after the Legacy/Colons match.  It took me about 5 or 10 minutes after I turned off the TV to get here, then I set up my laptop and managed to find a feed, where I saw Triple H beating up on Orton.  I watched that for about 5 minutes before it was over.  So you figure, that’s about 10 – 15 minutes that the beating went on.  Whatever happened to the Triple H that’ll pop a guy in the face with a sledgehammer, drop him with the Pedigree, and call it a night?  Also, it’s no secret that Batista is getting surgery tomorrow.  If you’re advertising a WWE Championship match for next Monday’s RAW (not to mention ECW and World Heavyweight Championship matches), and the Champion is legitamately injured, wouldn’t it make more sense to wait until the forfieture of the title happens before having the guy who should be Champion get his ass handed to him?  At least then, you’ve taken care of that plot hole.  I’m sure that we’ll get a new GM next week – or at least an interim GM – who will set up a tournament for a vacated WWE Championship to take place on the three hour RAW next Monday night.  And this is the show that’s supposed to show the world what WWE wrestling is all about.  Ugh.

Post by thinksojoe

The founder of BoredWrestlingFan.com and it’s parent company, Fropac Entertainment, ThinkSoJoE has been a wrestling fan since he first saw WWF television in 1986 at the age of four. His first wrestling memory was Hulk Hogan on Saturday Night’s Main Event talking about getting King Kong Bundy in a cage at WrestleMania 2. Sixteen years later, he met Hulk Hogan on the eve of WrestleMania X-8. On December 9, 2013, he legitimately won a Slammy Award (Best Crowd of the Year). ThinkSoJoE currently hosts the weekly BWF Radio podcast.

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