RAW review 10/12/09By thinksojoe · · 1 Comment
To quote the underrated band Unwritten Law, “I’m sick of my sickness.” I feel like crap right now, so my goal tonight is to do as little as possible to get through this review before I turn it over to whomever tonight’s BWF guest host will be.
Chris Jericho kicks things off, explaining WWE Bragging Rights, explaining that the main event will be a 7 on 7 tag match between RAW and SmackDown. Jericho says he can choose whichever side he wants since he’s a Unified Tag Team Champion, but he’s been named the SmackDown team captain and plans to put together a great team. Guest Host Nancy O’Dell interrupts and tells him that we don’t start RAW with him, we start it with DX.
BREAK IT DOWN!
Shawn Michaels and Triple H make their way out to the ring. Or at least, Triple H does. Mark Eaton, the timekeeper, gets in the ring and does the running around Triple H bit. The Game says we’re doing things differently tonight. Are you ready?
For the thousands in attendance, the millions watching at home, and Shawn Michaels who’s not here. He says he got a call from HBK, with whom he was going to set up the RAW team for Bragging Rights. He could go ahead and make the team, but instead he’s going to be a true friend and call HBK at home and badger him. HBK’s voicemail is a parody of his theme music. HBK picks up. Triple H and the DX Army want to know where he is. He says his daughter got sick and he had to stay home. He just put her to sleep and finished reading her a bedtime story. Triple H asks if it was from the Unauthorized History of DX that’s on sale now, would he? He says he wouldn’t read his daughter that crap… um… he means… he means that of course he read it! Triple H says he reads it to his kids all the time. HBK says goodbye to Indianapolis, and Triple H is then interrupted by Chris Jericho and The Big Show. Jericho puts over SmackDown. Triple H says SmackDown is a good show. A very good show with a spineless GM that does whatever Vince says, it features a grumpy little troll who runs his mouth all the time (that’s Jericho), and it features great, great, wrestling. Y’know, like The Great Khali. Triple H says it’s nowhere near the league of RAW (Editor Note: He’s right. It’s in a much much better league). Jericho says that he’s going to take The Big Show for the SmackDown team despite the fact that he’s a RAW Superstar. Triple H says that Jericho’s the boss, then makes a couple of gay jokes. Show says that he and Jericho are equals, and Big Show carries the team. Jericho asks him what he just said. Show says he’s not the one who got pinned last week. Jericho says he’s not the one who was the laughing stock of Sportscenter after being humiliated by Shaquille O’Neil. Show says that at least he didn’t get punked out by a 200 Year Old fossil named Bob Barker. Jericho says he’d face Barker anywhere in the world. Jericho says he’s the best in the world at what he does, and he’s made The Big Show a champion. He’s no longer known as the guy who got knocked out at WrlestleMania 24 by Floyd Mayweather. Big Show tells Triple H he’s changed his mind and wants to be on the RAW team at Bragging Rights. Triple H says it’s the greatest news he’s heard, but unfortunately they don’t have any spaces open. He says he’ll do him a favor though. He’s been given the authority to earn his slot on the RAW team. All he’s got to do is win his match tonight. Show says he can do it. His opponent tonight is Chris Jericho. Oh yeah, and that match is now. The Tag Team Champions don’t look happy as Triple H leaves.
From some of our friends on Twitter:
@fozzyfan: They ruined a perfect opening of Raw by interrupting @IAmJericho for Triple Nose? Thumbs DOWN
@IAmJHPunk: How did HHH already talk to the guest host & get permission 2 make the match when he barely found out that Show wants 2 switch? #wwerawfail
The Big Show def. Chris Jericho
Big Show tries to calm Jericho down, but Jericho keeps slapping him. Show slaps him off the top rope, and Jericho falls to the floor clutching his knee. Show goes to help him up, and Jericho tries to sneak back into the ring before the 10 count. Show prevents that from happening and gets back in the ring himself for the count out victory.
Maria Menudos is standing by with Legacy. She asks how they’re doing and if they should be on team RAW at Bragging Rights. They both think they should be. There will be a triple threat match later tonight, and the winner will be on Team RAW. It’s Rhodes vs. DiBiase vs. Cena.
From the Twitterverse:
@leomc2: what a waste of 30 minutes that was #wwe #raw
@dasharpshooters: John Cena wants to qualify? dude is in a IRON MAN MATCH. #supercena #wwe #raw
The Indiana Pacers are in the house. And The Diva’s Champion is here – out first for a title defense. Tradition be damned. Apparently, Mickie James’ challenger is Jillian. How the hell did that happen?
Jillian Hall def. Mickie James to become the new WWE Diva’s Champion?!?
Um. What? Jillian just beat Mickie James to become the Diva’s Champion? Mickie had her foot on the ropes, but I guess it counts.
From Twitter: @SanzJohnson: since jill the new champ, hopefully she can get a new theme, outfit, and face! #WWE #RAW
Jillian decides to sing Lady GuyGuy’s song “Paparazzi.” She’s interrupted by the sounds of Lenny Kravitz’ version of “American Woman,” which brings out Nancy O’Dell. She made a major Diva’s trade over the weekend. Jillian is still on RAW. The bad news for her is that she has to defend her Diva’s Championship against RAW’s newest Diva right now. She knows a thing or two about paparazzi… MELINA IS BACK ON RAW! Jillian scrambles to put her belt around her waist before Melina gets to the ring.
Melina def. Jillian Hall to become the new WWE Diva’s Champion
Well, thanks for coming, Jillian. I wonder why Mickie dropped the title?
From Twitter: @BigD923: Thank you Melina, Jillian as Divas Champions would of sucked!!! #WWE #RAW
@steverechtman: Between Nancy O’Dell and Maria Menunos, this is some of the best mic work that the #WWE had had in a very long time. #Raw
Snoop Dogg is the guest host for next week’s RAW.
Triple H is talking to a cardboard cutout of HBK. Actually, he’s talking to him on speaker phone. Shawn’s music starts playing, and Hornswoggle comes out dressed like HBK! Shawn says he’s not watching and he’s going into the living room to see what’s going on. Triple H says it’s gimmick infringement, and Hornswoggle hits sweet shin music on the HBK cutout. Triple H tries to save him, but Hornswoggle knocks The Game down and gives him a crotch chop.
Full details of the Diva trade will be available on WWE.com after RAW tonight
Santino is with Nancy O’Dell, who is the Sexy Superfan of the Month from WWE Magazine. Santino does his best anchor work when Beth Phoenix comes in and shoves him out of the way. She says that she heard she’s been traded to SmackDown. Phoenix pretty much says she’ll kick O’Dell and Menoudos’ asses. Santino says that Maria isn’t scared, she’d compete against Phoenix in some kind of match tonight. Santino says it’s official while O’Dell tries to tell him it’s a bad idea. Santino says he faked every “organism” with Beth Phoenix in the past.
Last Week: An Iron Man Match was made for Bragging Rights
From Twitter: @DCsPeoplesChamp: Why do they keep Hornswaggle around? #midgetfail
@WellYoureWrong: Okay, how drunk and or high do you have to be to sit through Cena Vs Orton for an Hour? #wwe
@ANDaniloTheRef: Beth to SD!? I can only imagine the Matches she could have against Natalya but, the Matches ain’t gonna happen. Damn Bikini Models! #WWE
WrestleMania 26 Tickets go on sale in 26 days.
Legacy make their way out for their triple threat match. John Cena comes out and we’re ready for action.
John Cena vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Ted DiBiase
The idea here is that Legacy are going to try and soften up Cena for his Iron Man Match at Bragging Rights, but they still want to win and get onto team RAW for Bragging Rights. Orton came out and distracted Cena while he had DiBiase in an STF, and Rhodes rolled DiBiase up for the pinfall.
DiBiase isn’t thrilled with being pinned, and Orton tries to get them to calm down, and Nancy O’Dell makes a match for later tonight – Legacy vs. John Cena and Randy Orton.
@HandsomeGenius: #Raw – The they could team Rhodes with Chavo Geurrero and keep the Legacy gimmick alive. (This tweet is far-fetched.)
@johnnyz4282: So that was our first real match of the evening. Time, 10:13pm #wwe
@WellYoureWrong: I’m not a big Legacy fan but Cena didn’t win so, I approve.
The Indianapolis Colts are here, and we’ve got a Bragging Rights qualifying match set for one fall. First, it’s the All-American American Jack Swagger, who has guaranteed he won’t lose a match for the rest of the year. His opponent tonight is a former United States Champion, MVP!
Jack Swagger vs. MVP
Swagger actually won this one pretty easily. Impressive victory for the All-American American.
So far, team RAW is DX, Big Show, Cody Rhodes, and Jack Swagger.
Legacy are still arguing backstage. Orton says he won’t team with Cena and he won’t let O’Dell tell him what to do. He’s not going to let himself get tagged in, so it’ll be a handicapped match. DiBiase says that Rhodes is thinking what it would mean to pin both DiBiase and Orton in one night. Rhodes says that DiBiase is thinking that he can redeem himself by pinning Orton tonight. Orton says if that’s what they’re thinking, they’d better keep thinking.
Kofi Kingston makes his way out for a Bragging Rights qualifier. His opponent tonight is the high flying Evan Bourne.
Kofi Kingston vs. Evan Bourne
From the Twitterverse:
@aemckay: Kofi Kingston vs Evan Bourne? Wow. This is going to be awesome.
@NekoEyes: Evan Bourne’s theme music is KA!
@MigotoShiShi: Evan Bourne looks like Cody Rhodes and The Miz’s love child…
Back from break, the match is underway. A hard fought match, but Bourne gets caught with a Trouble In Paradise kick, giving Kofi the victory, and qualifiying him for Bragging Rights.
The RAW team is now Big Show, Triple H, Shawn Michaels, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger, and Kofi Kingston. Mark Henry and Chris Masters will have the final qualifier this Thursday on Superstars.
Triple H is still talking to Shawn Michaels when Nancy O’Dell and Maria Menoudos come in, shill the book, and ask if Maria is ready for her match tonight. Chavo comes in and asks what’s up with Triple H and Hornswoggle. He thinks it’s a conspiracy. Triple H says he doesn’t like the troll anymore than Chavo does. Chavo says he should be the captain of the RAW team. Triple H has Menoudos kick him in the balls. HBK says if you’re not down with that, they’ve got two words for you.
@SanzJohnson: chavo isnt a stuntman anymore..he’s on crash test dummy level #WWE #RAW
@WellYoureWrong: If you wearing the PPV T-Shirt, You’re not going to be on said PPV. #wwe
@BradMilner: Poor Chavo … he’d give anything to be opening on Nitro again
It’s time for 6 Diva tag team action. Beth Phoenix and her team (Alicia Fox and Roza Mendez) are already in the ring. Their opponents are Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, and Maria Menoudos. Before the match we get a sneak peek at Menoudos’ new movie, “Serial Buddies.”
Maria Menoudos, Kelly Kell, and Gail Kim def. Beth Phoenix, Alica Fox, and Rosa Mendez.
I stopped paying attention for a second and I missed the end of the match, but I know the faces won.
Later tonight, it’s Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase against Randy Orton and John Cena!
As is customary on Monday Nights, I’ve got to take off and won’t be able to watch the RAW main event. I’ll turn it over to this week’s BWF guest host, Drowgoddess. Take it away, Drow!
We get a recap of The Miz (and he’s awesome!) winning the US title from Kofi Kingston. Then we actually get The Miz, title and mic in hand. He tells us to show some respect to the new United States Champion. He asks if he’s bragging too much, and says to get used to it. At “Bragging Rights,” The US Champ from RAW faces the Intercontinental Champ from Smackdown, John Morrison. John Morrison was nothing more than a hairdo with abs. The Miz was the talent of their tag team. Morrison is the new Richard Simmons, who will wear bedazzled tank tops and hang out with 400-pound women while the Miz is the face of the biggest company in the world. Any promo by The Miz is, of course, AWESOME!
Cole and Lawler run down the matches from Smackdown that will be on the ppv card, then push the Cena/Orton 60-minute Iron man match.
Randy Orton & John Cena vs. Legacy: Orton enters first. We go to commercial. When we return, Legacy is already in the ring. Orton has the mic, and says that he just got off the phone with Snoop Dogg, next week’s guest host. Snoop agreed that since it may be Cena’s last RAW, Cena will compete in one of the biggest matches of his career next Monday night. Cena enters, and the roof is blown off. Orton jumps down off the apron and stares at Cena. Legacy bicker in their corner before DiBiase and Cena lock up. Actual mat grappling for a bit. DiBiase drives Cena into the corner with kicks and punches, and Rhodes wrenches Cena’s neck. Legacy double-teams Cena. DiBiase and Cena again. Punches fly. Rhodes locks in a variation of the Camel Clutch on Cena. After this match, we will learn who Cena’s opponent next week is. Rhodes works the submission holds, but Cena stands and plants Rhodes. Cena tags Orton in when Orton glances down, and Cena stays far away from Orton. Orton has to wrestle Rhodes, and Rhodes tries to pin Orton! Cena loves it, and Orton is surprised. DiBiase tags in and tries to pin Orton repeatedly. Orton tags Cena in, and they make constipated faces at each other. Cena lays out DiBiase, and prepares for the Attitude Adjustment, but Orton tags in right then. DiBiase tags in, and pins Orton! Orton is livid and stunned. Cena waits for Orton, and hits him with the Attitude Adjustment when he finally turns around.
Winners: Legacy (Ted DiBiase Jr. pinned Randy Orton)
The huge announcement of John Cena’s opponent for his possible last match ever on RAW? Triple H. No, really, it is.
(P.S. from ThinkSoJoE – thanks to all of you from the Twitterverse who kept me entertained through this show!)
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