RAW kicks off, and it’s host is a World Champion from Pittsburgh – but it’s not Kurt Angle. Ben Roelithsberger comes out to some boos, saying he knows they’ve got Eagles fans in the house, but that they’ve also got Steelers fans, but tonight we’re all WWE fans. He says he’s got a surprise. It’s the Diva Bowl. A team of face Divas show up in Steelers jerseys, followed by a team of heel divas in white shirts, followed by Gail Kim in a referee outfit. Great. The one who can actually wrestle is the referee.
What the hell is this crap? At least we’re getting it out of the way early. The faces won when Mickie James pinned Alicia Fox.
The face Divas are still standing in the ring when the NEW WWE Champion, Randy Orton makes his way to the ring.
Orton says that last night he defeated John Cena and became a 6 time WWE Champion. The people say he uses shortcuts, needs backup, and flat out cheats. When last night did any of that happen? He and John Cena walked in to Hell in a Cell, and Orton beat him. End of story. He’s willing to bet that Cena will interrupt him and ask for a rematch. Orton tells Cena to do what he thinks he needs to do. Orton says he knows exactly what he’ll say to Cena. The fans chant Cena’s name and…
SHABADOO! Your time is up my time is now…
The former champ is here, and he runs down to the ring. Orton says that Cena looks awful excited, and he thinks he knows why. Orton says he won’t get a rematch tonight. Cena’s look turns to that of disappointment. Cena says Orton just told the WWE Universe that he doesn’t give a damn about them. He’s a WWE Superstar who strives to be the best, so what Cena’s here to do is congratulate Orton on his win last night. Cena says he can tell us how brutal Hell In A Cell was, but the interesting thing is that there was something special. Something Cena noticed before, during, and after the match. He noticed over 16,000 members of the WWE Universe standing the whole time. There were people cheering for Cena. There were people cheering for Orton. John Cena and Randy Orton has become the rivalry. Whether a singles match, triple threat, I quit, or Hell In A Cell, it’s simply amazing. Cena would like to do it one more time, and the people seem to agree. He cares about the WWE Universe and wants to give them a match. Not just any match, the match. The match of matches – an Iron Man match. Right, like Cena can go for 60 minutes and keep a crowd into it. Anyways, Cena says that after the iron man match, there will be no more rematches. Orton says he sees what Cena’s doing. If Cena wins, he don’t get a rematch. He says he agrees that we need to end this, but we’ll do it Orton’s way. If Cena wins he gets the title, if Orton wins, Cena is gone from RAW. He can go to SmackDown, he can go to ECW, Orton doesn’t care. He just wants him off of RAW. Cena confirms that’s what Orton wants and says he’ll do it. Orton says that’s not all he wants. No DQ, no count out, and on his terms. Cena asks that if that means they can use whatever they want and turn this into the biggest brawl of all time. Orton says that’s exactly what he’s saying. Take it or leave it. Cena says 60 minutes, anything goes, and if he loses he leaves RAW. Cena says he’s on. The two shake hands, and we’re set to finally end this rivalry.
Somebody has a sign in the crowd with a picture of a slobbering Daffy Duck that says “JACK THWAGGER” on it. Somebody’s been reading Bored Wrestling Fan. Anyways, Swagger’s here. He says he looks and smells like a winner, because he is a winner. FYI, he didn’t get pinned last night, and going forth, he will not lose. For the rest of the year, he promises that he will go undefeated. He’s the All American American, Jack Swagger, and he approves this message. Primo’s shitty music starts, and so does the Aldo Montoya pyro, and we confirm that the Cena/Orton match won’t be tonight, it will be at the Bragging Rights PPV. Please, for the love of insert supreme being here, let Cena lose so I don’t have to see him the next night in Buffalo.
Jack Swagger vs. Primo
Swagger’s prophecy starts off on the right foot as he easily defeats Primo following a gutwrench powerbomb.
Chris Jericho and The Big Show are here. We’ll hear from the Tag Team Champions later on tonight.
Backstage, the Divas are arguing when referee Santino blows the whistle. He calls encroachment on #23 on the defense. Mickie asks what the hell he’s talking about. He says he’s trying to get into the football spirit, and asks Mickie and Alicia to kiss and make up. Alicia slaps Santino and the Divas start brawling again.
The Miz interrupts Ben Roethlisberger and complains about Swagger insinuating that The Miz lost last night. Big Ben asks what happened. Miz admits to getting pin. The Miz says that being awesome isn’t a catch phrase. He asks for a shot at Kofi Kingston tonight. After all, it’s his birthday week. Ben says he can do this. He makes the match, but says there’s a stipulation. If Miz loses, he gets in the middle of the ring, takes the microphone, and tells everybody that “I’m The Miz, and I’m Awful.”
Last week, Chavo punched Chris Masters in the face for hurting Hornswoggle for some reason. Chavito is here, teaming with The Masterpiece again. Their opponents are the team of MVP and Mark Henry. Shouldn’t MVP be WWE Champion by now?
MVP & Mark Henry vs. Chavo Guerrero & Chris Masters
Henry and MVP pick up the win, but Henry appears to have injured his leg.
After the match, Masters asks Chavo what happened. He gets in Guerrero’s face, and Guerrero shoves him. Masters gets Guerrero in the Master Lock, but Hornswoggle comes to Chavo’s rescue. Chavo drops Masters with a DDT, and then Hornswoggle gives Chavo a DX style crotch chop.
Ben Roethlisberger is on his way to the ring.
Roethlisberger makes his way out to the ring – and he barely gets a sentence out when…
WELL… WELL IT’S THE BIG SHOW – BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
Show wants to know whey they call him Big Ben. How big can his big offensive line be compared to The Big Show. Jericho says they’re probably not as big as he is. Roethlisberger invites them out. The Steelers O-line make their way to the ring. Jericho asks if they’re supposed to be intimidated. He says this isn’t a football field, it’s the WWE ring. JeriShow don’t wear helmets or pads, or take time off for turf toe. He suggests the Steelers get a huddle going and figure out a strategy, because Jericho and The Big Show are the best team in sports. The Steelers huddle and line up at the line of scrimmage. The Big Show prepares to go at them, but thinks better of it…
BREAK IT DOWN!
DX are here for some reason. Jericho says he should’ve expected a potential Sportscenter moment ruined by two miscreants who hare just here to shill their merchandise (which Jericho shills in the meantime). Triple H says he just wanted to tell Jericho how nice his hair looks. Jericho says “really?” Triple H says hell no, his hair looks ridiculous. HBK says he’s tired of Jericho running his mouth about how many great tag teams they’ve faced. There’s one they haven’t faced. Show asks if that’s some kind of challenge. HBK says he’s in pain, but yeah, it’s a challenge. Show suggests he goes home and nurses his wounds, because DX doesn’t want a part of JeriShow. Jericho says HBK isn’t worthy. DX don’t deserve to face The Big Show and Chris Jericho. Roethlisberger says that tonight, JeriShow will face DX. He says if they’re not down with that, we’ve got two words for you… The Steelers and DX do the crotch chops and set off the pyro.
Up next, it’s The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston for the WWE United States Championship
Kofi Kingston is here, and he’s got his United States Championship with him. His opponent is from Cleveland Ohio, and if he loses, he has to announce that he’s The Miz, and He’s Awful.
The Miz def. Kofi Kingston to become the new United States Champion
After a hell of a match, The Miz finally hits the Skull Crushing Finale and becomes the NEW United States Heavyweight Champion!
After the match, he takes the microphone and he says that we’re looking at the NEW United States Champion, because he’s The Miz, and he’s AWESOME!
Earlier Tonight: John Cena and Randy Orton set the stipulations for their No Disqualification Iron Man Match at Bragging Rights.
Backstage, Hornswoggle is talking to Ben Roethlisberger when Santino comes in and complains about being slapped and mauled by the Divas. He calls him Ben Surfandturfer. Santino tries to pronounce Roethlisberger’s name, even calling him “Ben Bralesswonder.” Hornswoggle slaps Santino, who then manages to say Roethlisberger.
The Big Show and Chris Jericho are walking backstage. That means, they’re next!
You can help out the Ben Roethlisberger Foundation by going to bigben7.com/foundation.aspx
Nancy O’Dell and Maria Menounos from Access Hollywood are the guest hostesses next week. One of them is featured in WWE Magazine this month (the one with DX on the cover) as the Sexy Celebrity Super Fan of the month, and the article asks her about her experience guest hosting RAW.
The Unified Tag Team Champions make their way out, and then…
Are You Ready?
DX head to the ring. They don’t bother to do their little spiel, it’s all business for the HeartBreak Kid and The Game tonight.
DX def. JeriShow
NOTE: As you guys know by now, I leave for work before the end of RAW. This week we had some technical difficulties with the site, so I didn’t bother to get somebody to finish the review for me. I have not seen this match, so the following is my knowledge of the main event based on other reviews I’ve read. This won’t be a weekly thing, just this week due to the technical problems.
JeriShow focused on DX’s injuries from last night’s Hell In A Cell match, but DX held their own. Jericho attempted to leave, but was stopped at the top of the ramp by the Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line. Jericho was forced back into the ring and ate Sweet Chin Music, leading to the DX victory.
My Thoughts: “Please let Orton win, please let Orton win, please let Orton win.” Those are my thoughts. Bragging Rights is Sunday, October 25th. On October 26th, I’ll be in attendance at RAW. If Orton wins, Cena’s gone from RAW. I don’t know why I’m so hell bent on not seeing John Cena at RAW. I think I’m just frustrated with the direction of his character from the time he won the WWE Championship at WrestleMania 21. I was a huge Cena mark when I saw him at WrestleMania XIX in Seattle and the night he turned face on SmackDown in Buffalo. I’m just bored with him now. WWE pushes him like crazy despite the fact that it’s obvious a lot of fans hate him. I understand why though – he sells a lot of merchandise and is probably the closest thing they have to a mainstream star right now, the Hulk Hogan of this generation. For what it’s worth, the dark main event that has been advertised for RAW the day after Bragging Rights is DX and Cena against Orton and Legacy.
Now, the future. The Miz and John Morrison called themselves the greatest tag team of the 21st Century (that’s a hint for those of you doing the “guess the match” thing in the back of this month’s WWE Magazine, BTW), and both hold the secondary titles on their respective brands now, with JoMo the Intercontinental Champion and The Miz as the United States Champion. These two guys are going to be HUGE in the future. Of course, I probably would’ve said that two years ago about MVP, but we see where he is. Teaming with Mark Henry to face Chavo Guerrero and Chris Masters.
DX has been the focal point of RAW and the last three PPVs. Nevermind that Randy Orton and John Cena have traded the WWE Championship back and forth in what could be considered epic battles through those last three events. For these guys to get top billing over the guys wrestling for the championship leads me to believe that one of them maybe knows somebody in power in the WWE. Oh look, I can make subtle jokes about who Triple H is married to too!
That’s it for RAW this week, folks. I just want to let you guys know of a couple of things we’ve got going on around here in the near future. First, I’m working on a new BWF Skin that should be available sometime in the next couple of days. I’m also planning on dropping the “Grungy” and “BlueMania 25” themes. I’m not happy with them, and in the case of “Grungy,” it’s hard to expand upon when we add new things. I’m also planning on doing an Eddie Guerrero tribute column next month on the four year anniversary of his death. I’d like to include the thoughts of our readers, so get those to us in one of three ways – send them in a PM to ThinkSoJoE on the BWF Network Forums, tweet them to @BrdWrstlngFn, or e-mail them to GuerreroTribute@boredwrestlingfan.com.
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