RYTMAN’S RAW RECAPBy RYTMAN · · Leave a Comment
We open the show w/a montage of the Shield beating down people, until last week when Cena, Sheamus & Ryback led the charge against them. Also, the Rock is here tonight.
Paul Heyman is in the ring, announcing that tonight is the last night we will ever see Paul Heyman. He talks about his passions and his sacrifices, and all the things he gave up – including his parents fortune – to bring us ECW, and Brock Lesnar. He talks of C.M. Punk being the man to carry WWE into the long-term future.
“You don’t have to be Nostradamus to see into the future. And I can see into the future, and I can tell you ladies and gentlemen, something bad is going to happen here. And that Sword Of Damocles is hanging straight over my head, and it is going to come down not just on me, but every single person around me, and that means it’s going to come down on C.M. Punk.” – Paul Heyman
Heyman goes on to tender his resignation, saying essentially that the McMahon’s obsession with him and his dealings make him an obstacle to Punk winning back the title, and with that, he says goodbye.
C.M. Punks’ music hits and Punk comes out. Punk asks Heyman why he’s doing this. Heyman replies that in the land of the McMahon’s, perception is reality. Vince McMahon’s perception is that Heyman was behind Brad Maddox and the Shield, and whatever happens to Heyman will happen to C.M. Punk. He claims Vince is planing to screw them over big at Elimination Chamber and Wrestlemania. Punk argues that he is a “Paul Heyman guy,” and that there are a lot of “Heyman guys” out there. Punk insists that he will resume his historic title reign as WWE champion at Elimination Chamber and that Heyman will be in his corner. Paul is so moved by this show of support, that he renounces his resignation. Punk/Heyman embrace, while ringside commentators Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler make derogatory comments comparing this to the Pope’s resignation and “the most ridiculous love-fest” Cole’s ever been a part of.
The World’s Strongest Man, Mark Henry, makes his way to the ring as we go to break…
We come back to Khali dancing in the ring w/Natalia & Hornswoggle. The dancing stops as Henry makes his way to the ring. We get a recap of Henry squashing Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara last week, and his win over Randy Orton on last Friday’s Smackdown, which qualified him for the Elimination Chamber.
MARK HENRY VS THE GREAT KHALI
This match BARELY goes five minutes, maybe less. Khali pummles Henry into the corner, and hits big slaps to the cest and head-butts. Henry fights back with kicks and gets Khali in the corner, but runs into an elbow, and a big boot to the face. Khali side-steps Henry into the corner and goes back to the big chest-slap and head butt. Henry blocks a shot, hits a few big right-hands, and gives Khali a short-splash into the corner. Henry hits a big clothes-line, then ends it with the world’s stongest slam for three.
WINNER: MARK HENRY
After the match, Henry gets back in the ring, catches Hornswoggle from behind, and crushes him w/the world’s strongest slam.
“That’s What I Do!” – Mark Henry
This Friday on Smackdown, Orton gets Henry in a re-match.
Later tonight, Cena, Sheamus & Ryback vs #MB…
We come back to Teddy Lond and Smackdown GM Booker T discussing how impressive Mark Henry is, when Chris Jericho steps up to request a spot in the Chamber. Teddy is readdy to put him in right now. Booker says “Hold up dawg,” and says Jerico has to impress him. Teddy whispers a suggestion to Booker.
“Teddy, that idea sucks.” – Booker T.
Booker suggests that Jericho earn a spot by beating someone already in the match, Daniel Bryan. Jericho agrees to face Daniel “Beard-on” and get back into the chamber and go one step closer to becoming a “seven-time, seven-time, seven-time Heavyweight Champion of the World.”
“NOW CAN YOU DIG THAT, SUKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!?” – Chris Jericho.
Jericho walks off, leaving Booker wide-eyed in disbelief.
We shift to Vicki Guerrero in her office, on the phone. Heyman walks in, demanding her time. He requests that Vicki add a stipulation to the WWE title match at Elimination Chamber. If the Rock is counted out/disqualified, Punk will be awarded the title. Vicki refuses, then her phone rings. It’s Vince McMahon. Heyman tries to brown-nose Vinny Mac, but Vince cuts him off and demands to know what stipulation he wants. Heyman makes a sheepish request for the count-out/dq stip, and Vince agrees. Heyman thanks Vince for the stip and goes on to call him a “father figure.” Vince hangs up on him. Heyman says Vicki has a lousy phone, and Vicki laughs.
Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring as we go to break…
We come back to a promo for “FANDANGO” coming soon, followed by Jericho making his way to the ring.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN VS CHRIS JERICHO
The bell rings. Jericho scores two schoolboy roll-ups, two arm-drags, and an ARMBAR! Bryan reverses it into a wrist-lock and a hammer-lock. Booker T and Teddy Long watch a monitor from backstage. Jericho elbows Bryan’s face and hits the ropes. Bryan leap-frogs Jericho, drops down, Jericho goes over, and Bryan hits a knee to Jericho. Bryan kicks Jericho in the chest, the back, hits a snap-mare, a knee-drop, he gets two, and goes to work on Jericho’s arm. Bryan wrist-locks Jericho, works the arm over his shoulder, Jericho reverses the wrist-lock and scores a chop. Jericho puts the boot to him and backs Bryan into the corner with a forearm smash. Bryan reverses a whip into the ropes, Jericho hits a kick to the face, but Bryan sends him up, over, and out to the floor. Bryan tosses Jericho back in. Jericho hits a shoulder-block, but misses a second-rope ricochet body-press and lands on the floor. Bryan hits a flying tackle through the ropes, and both men are hurting as we go to break…
As we come back, Bryan slides out of a suplex attempt, and rolls Jericho up for two. Jericho kicks out and hits a clothes-line. Jericho chokes Bryan in the corner, whips him across the ring, charges into a boot, and Bryan hits the charging drop-kick in the corner on Jericho. Jericho reverses a whip, Bryan goes up the corner ropes and over Jericho, Jericho hits two shoulder-blocks, and Bryan sends him over the ropes. Jericho lands on his feet, goes up-top, misses a flying fore-arm, and Bryan hits a clothes-line. Bryan charges Jericho, Jericho catches the legs and goes for the Walls Of Jericho. Bryan flips him off but runs into an elbow. Jericho goes for a Lion-sault but hits the knees of Bryan. Bryan goes up-top but Jericho cuts him off and crotches him on the top corner. Jericho hits a chop and goes for a super-plex, but Bryan shoves him off and scores a flying head-butt for two. Bryan hits a few knees to the face, but Jericho catches a leg and hooks the Walls Of Jericho! Bryan holds on and powers out of it, twisting it into a “No-Lock” attempt, but can’t lock his hands. Jericho reverses it into another WOJ attempt, but Bryan flips him off and hits a vicious kick to the head for two. Bryan gets the crowd going “Yes!” by going “No!” and sets in with shin kicks to Jericho. Jericho tries another roll-up, Bryan kicks out, and Jericho hits the Code-breaker for a three-count.
WINNER: CHRIS JERICHO
Jericho is now in the Elimination Chamber. Later tonight, the Shield will address us. Up next, John Cena, Sheamus and Ryback face the Three Man Band.
We come back to a recap of last week, when Cena and friends ran off the Shield.
JOHN CENA, SHEAMUS, AND RYBACK VS 3MB (HEATH SLATER, JINDER MAHAL & DREW MACINTYRE)
Apparently, Jerry Lawler has taken exception to Heath Slater making comments about singing, and dancing better than Elvis Presley…
“I told him [Slater] I wish you’d go to the bathroom like Elvis Presley.” – Jerry Lawler
Slater starts off with Ryback. He shoots off his mouth, plays air guitar, takes a boot to the stomach, and gets press-slamed. Ryback tags in Sheamus, who brutalizes Drew MacIntyre. Cena tags in and faces off with Jinder Mahal. Match breaks down into a brawl and ends with the Cena-friends each hitting a finisher on a band member. (AA, Shell-shock, and White Noise.)
WINNERS: TEAM CENA
After the match, Cena and co. each take a turn calling out the Shield. We go to a recap of Alberto Del Rio sabotaging Big Show’s bus and dropping paint all over him.
We go to earlier today, with Yoshi Tatsu and Alex Riley both joking about the Show’s misfortune. It ends with Show clocking them both out.
And we go to break…
We come back to Big Show making his way to the ring for an interview. Matt Striker gets KO’d before he’s halfway through a sentence. Show grabs the mike and spends several minutes trying to say something. However he’s too angry and just drops the mike, and walks off.
We get another look at the tribute video for Bruno Samartino’s Hall Of Fame induction and we’re told there is an exclusive interview w/Bruno and Hunter Hearst Helmsley about Bruno accepting the nodd this year. We’re also reminded that the Rock will be here tonight.
JACK SWAGGER VS ZACK RYDER
Ryder’s in the ring and Swagger makes his way to the ring with a man referred to as “Jebadiah Coulter,” (who I believe might be Dutch Mantel.) Ryder gets in some offense, but Swagger wrestles more viciously then ever, and after bouncing Ryder’s head and back off the turn-buckles, he ends this with the “Patriot Act.” (Ankle Lock Submission.)
WINNER: JACK SWAGGER
After the match, Jeb Coulter is given the mike and delivers a vaguely racist diatribe about “getting rid of” people who aren’t “real Americans.”
Backstage, Booket and Teddy are discussing Swagger and Jeb, when Dolph Ziggler steps in w/AJ and Big E. Angered that Jericho is back with a spot in the Elimination Chamber match, he demands a chance at the last spot. Booker agrees, and puts him in a qualifying match… with Kane.
We get a recap of Brock Lesnar destroying Miz TV and the Miz last week.
Miz makes his entrance as we go to Break. He faces Cody Rhodes next.
THE MIZ VS CODY RHODES
U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro is at ringside, making refrences to his brawl with Miz last week. Cesaro says he caries the American Flag to “rub it in everybody’s face,” how much better he is than us. Match is a by-the-numbers back-and-forth until it goes to the outside. Cesaro gets up in Miz’s face, Miz boots him down and goes to work on Cody, until Cesaro shoves him into the ringpost. Cesaro swings Miz into the guardrail as officals try to break it up.
WINNER BY DQ: THE MIZ
We then get a feature about the WWE Wrestlemania Reading Challenge, where WWE talent go to schools to talk about the importance of reading and children are rewarded for good literacy w/a chance to go to Wrestlemania.
Later tonight, we hear from the Rock and The Shield.
We go to break…
We come back to Rosa Mendes shakin’ her thing in the ring, with Epico and Primo. Brodus Clay makes his entrance w/Tesai and the Pom-Pom waving Funkadactyls.
BRODUS CLAY/TENSAI VS PRIMO/EPICO
Team Mo/Co are straight up jobbed out to the Funkasaurus and the “hip-hop-hippo.” Tensai wins it w/a splash.
WINNERS: TENSAI/BRODUS CLAY
After the match, Rosa gets up in Tensai’s face, but is sent packing by some nifty double-teaming by Naomi/Cameron.
And we go to break…
After the break, the Shield make their way to the ring. They answer the challenge of Cena, Sheamus, and Ryback by calling them out. They cut a promo about Cena failing everyday and how Cena will fail again at Elimination Chamber. Their problem is “The John Cena Problem.” He lives in a bubble with no consequences. That’s not the real world. And he’s laid the groundwork for an entire generation of superstars to be just like him. The Shield will undo a decade of injustice, and invite their opponents to “breath as much fresh air as possible.” They stand around in defiance for a few moments… then the lights go out. When they come back on, Cena and company are each fighting a member of the Shield. After a wild brawl, the Shield take a powder, and Cena’s team smile and slap hands w/the fans.
We get a recap of Heyman’s resignation and Punk talking him out of it. The Rock will be here later tonight, and Alberto Del Rio makes his way to ringside w/Ricardo Rodriguez.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS DAMIEN SANDOW
Sandow comes out to berate Nashville (the sight of tonight’s show) for listening to Country Music. Ricardo introduces ADR with the full support of the crowd. Sandow starts off strong with kicks, knees, and a Russian leg-sweep/”elbow of disdain” combo, but misses a charge and Del Rio takes over with clothes-lines, a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker, and a thrust-kick for two. Del Rio gets the “Si” chant going and ens this surprisingly quickly w/the arm-breaker.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO!
Alberto cuts a promo, inviting Big Show to pack up his bus and go to Mexico, while he goes to Wrestlemania after their match at Elimination Chamber.
WWE Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett makes his way to the ring for a match w/Kofi Kingston, but is jumped from behind by Bo Dallas. Barrett is down as we go to break.
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS KOFI KINGSTON
The match is basically Kofi’s speed and striking ability vs Wade’s muscle and brawling tactics. Recurring theme in the match is both men ducking each others high-spots. Kofi dives after Wade. Wade catches Kofi’s head in the ring apron and gets the three with the bull-hammer elbow.
WINNER: WADE BARRETT
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION KANE VS DOLPH ZIGGLER
Kane starts off in control with big right hands and tossing Ziggler around as we go to break…
We come back and Kane in still in control, until it spills outside. Big E distracts Kane and Ziggler sends him into the guardrail. Kane beats the ten count. The match quickly goes back/forth with each man hitting one big spot after another, until Kane goes up top. AJ jumps on the ring to get a distraction, Kane misses the clothesline, Ziggler sends AJ into Big E’s arms, and his distraction allows Kane to hit the choke-slam for three and the last spot in the Chamber.
When we come back, our main event… a promo by The Rock.
We’re back with a look at the Elimination Chamber match itself and…FINALLY, THE ROCK HAS COME OUT TO DO A PROMO!
Story Time! The Rock regales us all with a story about how, when he was 15, his family moved to Tennessee. He was already 6’4′ and 220 lbs. and not getting any action because girls thought he was a undercover cop. One night, he’s in a bar, and buys a car from a crackhead for $40. After driving for a while, he finds a second crackhead in the car and kicks him out, then abandons the car in a Burger King parking lot at 2 a.m. because he suspected it was stolen. The moral of the story…
1. Don’t buy a car from a crackhead.
2. Don’t be like the Rock at 15, doing all the stuff you shouldn’t.
Rock then talks about being 25 and wrestling at used car dealerships for $40 a night, and dreaming of someday being WWE champion, just like he will be, after Elimination Chamber.
Punk’s music hits, and he’s out with Paul Heyman. Rock compares them to characters form “Twilight,” (Fat werewolf/Homeless Vampire,) and challenges Punk to “just bring it.” Punk strolls down to the ring, fakes changing his mind, and storms the ring. Punk actually had Rock on the defensive, until Rock hit the “Smackdown” (Spine-buster) on him. Rock goes for the “Peoples’ Elbow,” but Heyman trips him up. Punk hits the GTS on Rock, and leaves with the belt.
“Whenever you Bring it, Because it’s mine, I’ll just take it.” – C.M. Punk
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