Home ▸ SmackDown ▸ Smackdown 01/13/12: Show Murders AJ

Wow, this card is stacked. Or at least the non-spoiler version, which lists 8 matches tonight. Excellent! Let’s hop to it, shall we?

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Daniel Bryan kicks off the show with a little rant to a mixed reaction from the crowd. At least they are treating him like a heel, chanting “you suck.” Bryan tells us how much respect he has for the title, and will be a fighting champion. Then he gets clever by referring to all the people on the internet and chatrooms that claim Bryan goaded Mark Henry into attacking him to force a DQ. He calls out “HeymanRules512” in particular! Ha ha! He certainly plays up the vanilla face-as-a-heel shtick rather well. Mark Henry comes out, the two exchange banter, which informs us that if Bryan wins tonight, he will have to face Mark Henry for the title next week since Henry never got his obligatory rematch. Bryan is ok with that…

– * Justin Gabriel vs. Heath Slater. Ughh… this feud continues. It’s hard to get invested in this program, one where a werewolf battles a one man southern rock band. Still, the two guys are able to carry each other through a decent bout with few botches. Slater gets a near-fall after a neck-breaker spot. Hornswoggle pops into the ring, distracts Slater, and Gabriel lands his 450 Splash for the win.

– Cut to Bryan backstage warming up… AJ tells him win, lose or draw she loves him. Bryan will need to destroy her love to complete his heel turn. Otherwise, this has no place on the show whatsoever.

Could’ve been worse, I thought the cop was going for an unprotected chair shot.

– Rhodes comes down to the ring with a promo, basically running down Hispanic people in the crowd. Lots of cheap heat from Rhodes, but he does put the importance of the I.C. belt over, noting he has held this title for 5 months. He is going to pull an “Ultimate Warrior” by winning the Heavyweight Title as well…

– * Cody Rhodes vs. Ezekiel Jackson. Remember Big Zeke’s push? Me neither. It’s funny that the big muscle bound wellness policy champion is playing the role of a jabroni… In all fairness, Zeke doesn’t look as impossibly-defined, more a little flabby, which implies he is clean(er) or out of shape. Doesn’t matter which, because Rhodes makes short work of him, picking up a win in about 3 minutes.

Charles Barkley Shaq @G: “I’m taking on Big Show at WrestleFest this year, G!”

G @Charles Barkley: “I suppose we’ve had a fake Kane, Diesel, and Razor… why not a fake Shaq?”

– My computer is being an asshole. Lots of problems, forcing a reboot. I continue watching the show. Hopefully this computer thing isn’t an issue Sunday or we might not have a BWF Radio this week. All you missed here was HOF recap for Edge and a Teddy Long/Santino/Otunga/Drew McIntyre segment. Only thing important is that Drew’s career is on the line for real tonight. I guess…

These kids will be rooting for the Rock at this year’s WrestleMania.

– * Ted Dibiase vs. Drew McIntyre. They’ve got to change Dibiase’s music if he is not running with the gimmick of his father. Hunico and that other guy are out too, lowrider bike and all. They join commentary, well Hunico does. The distraction allows McIntyre to big boot Ted in the face and get a near fall immediately at the start of the match. I guess Hunico’s pal is called Comacho/Comancho/something. I think I will just call him “Murphy.” I think Hunico passed Booker T a joint… and all of my meandering is akin to what commentary does to this match, detracts from the action and the storyline. The two have a decent bout, but Dibiase wins. So McIntyre is fired, I guess. McIntyre pleads with the referee, who responds, “There can only be one,” and promptly beheads with his Great Sword of WWE Racial Stereotypes! QUICKENING!!!

Rob sets up one of the best High-Fives of all time.

– * Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal. “Jinder Mahal is most dangerous when least expected,” notes the Calgarian as he enters in reference to the Royal Rumble. You know what? I think the WWE needs to really address the lack of racial stereotypes among their ring officials. Anyways, these two continue their ongoing feud in which Sheamus always destroys Mahal. Sheamus teaches children to count to ten, then slams the cliche gimmick into oblivion. That was the expected… dangerous, huh?

I didn’t know they put the Fingerpoke of Doom in those movies…

– AJ confronts Show backstage and defends Bryan as a good guy, and not to kill him. Bryan enters the picture thinking Big Show is trying to steal his girl. Show notes that the title has changed Bryan, and walks off looking upset with Bryan… more disappointed. Very soap opera, but I have to give credit for Big Show’s acting range over the last while. On a show of cliches, his emoting is pretty accurate and convincing.

Umm…

– * David Otunga vs. Santino Marella. This match was made in the aforementioned computer downtime segment. Marella suggested it, Teddy made it happen. Otunga’s coffee mug once again matched his outfit in said segment. There’s not much to watch, Otunga begins with a short series of moves, Marella responds with his own, Otunga lands some awkward looking power move (couldn’t tell what he was going for, botch) and gets the win.

All the diving becomes clear!

– * Brodus Clay vs. Tyson Kidd. Garcia announces Brodus as finally landing on Smackdown. So, is he technically an SD talent then? I know it doesn’t really matter since the brand split is a joke, but still. Whatever, they repeat a shorter rendition of his entrance from RAW (or edited for time)… Much like on RAW, he gets a squash win, this one features two moves, both by Brodus. Splash, pin and the win.

Another custom one for you all… it’s just funny that none of these three pose in sync at the same time. Therefore, all these pictures are going to have one person at least looking like a complete fool.

– A buddy in Russia and myself are discussing this episode on facebook, and we both agree the Big Show’s acting is vastly better than most. As we discuss, I note the following, “I love how in the “Tale of the Tape” they listed “Shortest Title Reign Ever” under [Big Show’s] accomplishments. WTF? That’s not an accomplishment!” It’s NOT an accomplishment, fucking WWE.

– * Tamina vs. Natalya. Natalya doesn’t even get an entrance. That’s forboding. So is this the third Calgarian to get squashed tonight? The answer is yes. This match comprised of four moves. Natalya slaps and Brain Busters Tamina. Tamina slams her, and cross body splashes her from the top ropes. Pin, win, angry is G.

Well since EVERYBODY else is doing it… I’m in.

– Wade Barrett comes out to trash talk Sheamus. He issues a challenge to the Great White for next week. He also apparently doesn’t understand how to put on a jacket. This episode is being billed as “Sin City Smackdown” and might be the Blue Brand’s alternative to RAW Roulette.

– * The Big Show vs. Daniel Bryan w/ AJ (World Title Match). Bryan goes to shake Show’s hand at the start, to which Show pulls Bryan into a body slam. Yes, Show is the face. Meh. Show goes to dominate Bryan afterwards, which can only be expected in the David/Goliath booking. Bryan goes to splash Show from the top, only to land into a spear by Show!! NEAR PIN, go to commercials… We return outside the ring with Bryan beating down Show with a chair. Show takes the weapon from as Bryan flees to the ring realizing he has crossed the line… The two begin to exchange blows, Bryan being very technical with the use of kicks, and Show with strength. Even a DDT onto the chair can’t fell the Giant. More chair use and brawling… Show clears the announce table, but NO!!! Bryan focuses on kicking the back of Show’s right knee and chair shots to his back…. Good psychology. As Bryan flees around the ring, Show RUNS OVER AJ… both men look on in shock at the roadkill. Show is genuinely concerned… Show wants to cry as officials bring out the stretcher! Clearly a work, but a great way to continue the feud. The crowd chants, “She’s OK!” because… well, it’s a little obvious. Bryan screams at Show as both walk out, “IF YOU WANT IT THAT BADLY, YOU CAN HAVE IT!! YOU’RE RECKLESS!!” and tops it off at the top of the entrance ramp, “YOU… ARE… A… BASTARD.” Show is awesome here… No contest. Great end to a more or less shitty episode.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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