Home ▸ SmackDown ▸ Smackdown 06/01/12

Unlike last week, I am coming into this episode with a better attitude. Perhaps this is a result of a vastly improved RAW (well, at least by comparison) and a mildly entertaining live Impact on Thursday. I’m not sure why my mindset is linked to other grappling content I partake, but it is. Let’s see if the WWE can continue this trend as Sin Cara returns tonight! Let’s have at it, shall we?

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Interesting fact, this is the first time the WWE Title has been defended on Smackdown in over 4 years. Huh, see THAT’s a relevant Did You Know? segment.

– Sheamus comes out to talk about Del Rio becoming the number one contender last week for the Great White’s title. He attempts to justify his unwarranted attack on Alberto. Sheamus tells us it’s because Del Rio is a privileged son. Yep, our face champion is a bully. Otunga comes out for some reason, complete with his coffee mug which is full of baby oil (I’m convinced!). Otunga is here, actually, to get an apology from Sheamus about to Laurinaitus… he’s being ordered. Sheamus ignores this… out comes Del Rio who calls Sheamus a “street hooligan,” etc. Otunga tells us Del Rio gets to choose Sheamus’ opponent tonight since he won’t apologize, so Sheamus Brogue Kick’s Otunga, fella.

Ashes, ashes, we all fall down… kind of like this segment. Well, it wasn’t that bad, kind of mediocre. At least no naked drug fueled people ate anyone’s face off, so there’s that.

-* Sin Cara vs. Heath Slater. I remember seeing these guys refilm the same match 3 times last summer when Smackdown rolled through Calgary. Are you ready for some botched spots? No? TOO BAD:

Evidence!

No, we’re NOT done:

Proof! Can’t stand after a kick? Whaaaaa?

FAR from over….

He calls this finisher, “I Fall Down”

– Sin Cara is wearing some new ring gear, but nothing to click home about (on your web-browser). He’s still doing the trampoline and finger pointing, and Heath Slater still sucks, so not much has changed. Slater gets some serious offense in at the start, stomping a Southern Mud Hole into the former Mystico. Meanwhile, at home, Randall Keith Orton is watching this thinking “this could be me, no wait… I wouldn’t job out to the Wendy’s guy.” Sin Cara reverses the momentum, flippy flops some delicious lucha moves and gets the pin and win after a pair of sick top rope crossbody splashes sandwiched between a bunch of other crap BWF Radio’s own (and ROH reviewer) J.T. detests. And by detests, I mean loathes. And by loathes, I mean FUCKING HATES. Yes in caps locks. Me? I enjoyed this, even though Heath Slater was in it.

C/O of Al Creed of many comics… many of them. Click the image. The was an 8-bit request that was sated by the master himself. Kevin Spencer and Allan the Magic Goose as they would appear in an NES game. Love it, or leave it. It’s epic Canadian comedy and animation. Look it up here. The first season was the most fucked up, and offensive. But anything featuring it’s main character as a delusional, chain smoking alcoholic preteen is likely to do that.

– * Damien Sandow vs. Ezekiel Jackson

Love Damien Sandow, you unwashed ignoramus.

We spoke a little bit about the Ivory/Chyna issues, and Ivory/Kat stuff last week on BWF Radio #24, so I deem this appropriate.

– Damien refuses to fight yet another ignoramus, and goes to leave. LOVE THIS GIMMICK. Big Zeke takes offense to this and attacks the stalwart representative of all things intellectual. Sandow hits something akin to a Diamond Cutter, and grabs the pin and win early. While he does this, he smirks, and puts his hand under his chin. This was awesome!

– Backstage, Ziggler meets with Del Rio petitioning to be the guy to face Sheamus tonight. Del Rio appreciates the passion in his eyes, congratulates him, shakes his hand (throw back to his debut?). Ziggler gets the match. Orton might have fucked up Ziggler’s opportunity to replace Jericho due to the flag-kicking incident, but at least this wasn’t a complete write off for Dolph WHO SHOULD BE PUSHED TO THE MOON… M-O-O-N, THAT SPELLS FUCKING MOON WWE! Even Tom Cullen knows that much… glad handed yes men assholes.

Charles Barkley @G: “This is my Wikipedia face. You love it, honkey.”

G @Charles Barkley: “Nah, your elitist stare to the right of the camera perspective suggests douche-baggery. Love yah Barks, but you might as well made the fish-face lips from an overhead perspective.”

– * Ryback vs. Ryan Shelton and Chris Lyons. This is the exact same thing you’ve seen week in and week out. The jobbers talk, Ryback eats some roids, comes out and kills them like the other guys from last week by slamming both at the same time after a shit tonne of power moves.

– A bunch of Big Show turning clips air in a clip package. Though Shalt Fast Forward. A bunch of blah blah, then Vickie Guerrero is out to be all shrill, but Dolph grabs the microphone from her and declares tonight he will face the world champion and immediately goes to the ring as Vickie looks a little miffed… MILFed? Nah, more miffed. Linda Hogan is the MILF apparently. Ugh.

– Commercial Break

[youtube k5WL6ETZSs0]
I too drive a Toyota. Feel humbled…

– * Non-Title Match: Sheamus {C} vs. Dolph Ziggler

I miss being a little mark, err, jimmy… no wait, that kid’s not invisible…. umm whatever. You get the idea.

– Our match gets under way quickly, and with fury. Ziggler continues to show off his ability to bump like a machine, as Sheamus continues to show off his inability to do so. While both men trade spots back and forth, the Great White’s limitations (or ego, perhaps?) stand out. Don’t get me wrong, this is a great start to a match but it’s clear who is carrying this one, folks. Sheamus tosses Ziggler, who flies HIGH, to the outside, and so naturally we get another commercial break since that’s the “go-to” thing for WWE lately…. sorry, no more IS Toyota commercials this time….

Adam gets a pass being outspoken as a Devils fan. Beth? What gives? If you want me to make a Sean Avery reference…. nah, to “inside.” Bandwagon implications will suffice. Some of you saw what I did there…

– We return with the Irish champion in control… Ziggler is able to escape to the outside as Vickie is losing it on the referee. The announcers continue to sell Ziggler’s declaration he made that he’s better than this stable crap, and Ziggler regains momentum almost getting a 10 count on Sheamus. Ok, this is cool! Ziggler has Sheamus locked into a sleeper hold AND CONVERTS INTO A HEADSTAND WITH THE HOLD LOCKED ON! EPIC!

YES! YES! YES!

– While it’s not enough, I mark out. Check out Vickie swooning in that picture. Sheamus finally breaks free, and teaches Dolph how to count. BUT NO!!! Sheamus gets some more near falls, but nothing resembling a finisher, and unless you are new to the wrasslin’, you know what that means. The men trade more near falls, until Sheamus locks in his new side slam, and sets up for the Brogue Kick… but Ol’ Swags interferes, Ziggler gets up telling Jack to beat it, and the distraction allows Sheamus to land the Brogue Kick for the pin and the win. Watch this match, you will be entertained!

– CM Punk is interviewed by Matt Striker. Hates Johnny Ace, respects but will beat Kane, etc. Not the best Punk promo by any stretch of the imagination. Meh. They can’t all be winners folks, and that’s why the best stand out from the pack when he does drop a Duke Nukem pipebomb.

I would push you into the hoard to survive. I have my contingency plans. Speaking of which…

– * Santino Marella and Zack Ryder vs. Darren Young and Titus O’Neil. The heels cut a decent inset promo declaring themselves as “The Prime Time Players” and their “Millions of Dollars” catchphrase. It isn’t great, but it’s good and we desperately need new tag teams if the division is ever going to come back to relevance. The comedic duo are out to challenge the heels in a fairly typical little bout. I’ll give the Prime Time players this, even when given a shit salad to work with (Santino rolls Young up in under 2 minutes), they work together as a legit tandem. Tragic finish here…

Best cover to date…

– But this is all set up for Big Show to come out and murder Santino and Ryder post match. Show makes quick work of the funny boys, with Ryder taking most of the brunt of the angry-crying giant’s wrath via ring barrier, steel steps, and the like. Show drags the steps up the ramp so the audio can pick out the metal grinding upon itself. NICE TOUCH! Then he squishes the Italian Stallion’s face into it before he humbles him with a modified Camel Clutch… WMD on the back of Santino’s head as the children in the crowd are seen all sad,and whatnot.

Oh come on now. This is EXACTLY what you wanted to do after the second or third time that little fucker told you the princess was in another castle.

– Backstage, AJ runs into Bryan who tells her Punk is using her and doesn’t care about her. AJ questions this and asks why he would care. Bryan makes headgames references. Segment ends.

– * Cody Rhodes vs. Tyson Kidd. Christian joins commentary for the peeps and to observe my fellow Calgarian likely get squashed here. Frowny face, dammit. Rhodes makes quick work of my boy, Tyson. Big shocker here. Meh. Enhancement talent my ass, Kidd should be in Tom Cullen’s top five. Shucky Ducky Quack Quack.

– * WWE Title Match: CM Punk {C} vs. Kane. I suppose it can’t be Bryan vs. Punk every week… but Kane? Argle Bargle, Rabble Rabble Rabble.

– Cesaro clips… but not on the show… He’ll be back next week to squash Kidd, I suppose.

– Punk clearly wants to get a good match out of Kane here, the latter who lumbers around commanding one to hit the old FFW button. Can’t… do… it…. I will likely regret this. In the dying hours of Smackdown never bodes well after working from 8AM – 11PM for this here G. Plus when one introduces cold high quality Canadian Beer (the rest of you drink swill), things get awkward. The two feel each other out in what appears to be a 20 minute segment. REALLY? Fuck it, post match reflection time… watching only now…

Down with the Count…

– Our final spot is an ECW unaired DVD ad, and the two men trading spots. Sadly, it’s pretty run of the mill. AJ makes her way to ringside as well. As much I like the Punk/Bryan program, and whatnot, this is a holding pattern match. Triple Threat spoilers leaked where they shouldn’t have… thus ruined the mainevent for me. Maybe not you… Basic observation: AJ emotes, Kane “sparkles”, Punk hates all of this except his paycheck. Things get interesting as Punk goes to land a Macho Elbow, but AJ’s encouragement distracfs him and allows a little Bryan interference. Kane recovers… Chokeslam? NO!! NO!! NO!!! Bryan lands a toprope kick on Kane, DQ!

– The two indy stars battle…. AJ looks on. Kane fucks them up because they forgot about him….. Enter People Power! No Way Out title match is Kane/Bryan/Punk. All we feared has become reality.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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This Smackdown Review Appears on Two Sites!

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Shameless Plugs!

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The Cultural Revolution (TCR Comix)
Al Creed’s comics dominate tongue and cheek humour here.

Wonderpod
A weekly podcast about the world of video games, from player experiences to current events in the industry, Bruce McGee, Pat Man, Glasenator, Jonkind and/or Gun Sage provide insight into the medium for any gamer (whether casual or “pro”). Clicking the jump will take you to the iTunes page!

LarG Productions
An online music production project, free tunes spanning many genres… check it out!

Thinksobrain
ThinkSoJoE’s band, who is also the boss over at Bored Wrestling Fan. For those digging some sweet metal influenced, intriguing tunes… you really need to grab yourself an earfull.

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