Home ▸ SmackDown ▸ Smackdown: 06/11/10

Smackdown

Before the show starts, we are “treated” to a clip package of last week, focusing on the death of the dead man and Kane’s search to find the killer. Turns out it was… a broken orbital bone, and he’s on the shelf. They had a battle royale to determine who would replace him in the Fatal Fourway PPV, and low and behold, the guy who put him on the shelf (Rey Mysterio) won. BUT, the big question is whether or the NXT invasion on RAW will cross over to Smackdown, but whatever… let’s suffer through some SmackDown, shall we?

MAIN PAGE ANIMATED GIF. And seriously, we ALL want to do this.

– We kick off the show with a match, because Smackdown rules like that. Whoops spoke too soon… Rey Mysterio versus… a microphone apparently… since he’s bragging about winning the battle royale (with cheese, heavy onions and pickles, hold the mayo). After some blah blah yawn, Jack Swagger is out to battle with Rey Rey. Rey dons the handicapped face (that people make when Dennis Leary parks in handi-capped spaces). Swagger is ALSO battling a microphone as well… he points out all Rey did was capitalize on Undertaker’s misfortune… more blah blah yawn as Swagger regails us with his accomplishments. The crowd just hates this, so I guess he’s doing a good job. “I guess all that higher education went to waste, since everything you just said was… … stupid. I thought you were going to say, ‘I though I saw a pussy cat,'” retorts Mysterio.

Cute enough to make me puke. Sylvester the Cat was the correct reference Rey… dipshit.

– Straight Edge Society is also out, and damn the microphones are taking a BEATING tonight. Fuck you Matt Striker, you told me we were starting with a match!!! Bastard. “Malcom X…. They got JFK in ’63, it was only a matter of time ’till they got to me. You see on Monday Night, I was the victim of an assassination attempt…” begins Punk in regards to the NXT attack on RAW. NICE OPENING LINE!!! Punk does one of the things only one man does better as a heel in the business (that man being Jericho), he rules on the microphone. In fact, he just brought the mic back from the dead. The other two try and retort… and fail epically. And out comes the Big Show to also talk, since we are starting our night off with a match, right Matt Striker? Show’s actually pretty funny, as he can be when given the opportunity… until Kane comes on the trinatron to tell the four when he finds who is responsible, he will murder them (HHH will of course, Katie Vick them I’m sure after the fact). “There will be vengence” line from Kane… then Kane hyperventilates. What a great match! Oh wait…

– Yay for false advertising?

Speaking of puking… sorry about that folks, trying to make a point sometimes makes me a jerk.

– I made you put on your “sad face,” didn’t I?

I’m sure he’ll find a way to sleep in your pile of money.

– And we’re back! The ACTUAL match begins as Swagger faces off against Rey Mysterio. Swagger is a non-defending champion here… Things start off pretty good as Swaggers initial offense only gets him scissor kicked to the outside. Then we’re back to advertising… FFW!!! We return to so nice action for about 3 minutes, the highlight being Swagger suplexing Rey from the top ropes. That looked pretty good… then ads AGAIN. FFW… We come back… Swagger gets Rey in a tree of woe, BUT NO! As Swagger runs at him, Rey pulls him self up and Jack eats ring post! NICE. I RWD this to watch again… these guys have decent chemistry together. Rey can’t capitalize and takes a big boot from the All American American American American American. What the hell is with the Jacob Two Two shit in the WWE? Rey Rey, Kelly Kelly, etc.?

I have ABSOLUTELY no clue how good the film/TV/whatever rendition of the book is. However, I will tell you that this was one of my favorite books when I was just a little G… so I’m shilling the book. Just needed a pretty picture for those with short attention spans (like me), right?

– Rey manages to turn things around, 619, West Coast Pop, clean pin. Interesting thing was the 619 was executed on a standing opponent, not crouched. Obviously a result of the Undertaker’s injury since that’s how it went down with the orbital fracture. Speaking of the Hooded Fang, enter Kane as Swagger beats on Rey post match. Chokeslam on Swagger! Knocks the lisp right out of him. Not to leave dessert on the table, Rey is given one as well. EXUENT KANE!!! STAGE um… RING ENTRANCE RAMP! No, I don’t know why I am yelling stage directions either.

Speaking of stage directions, I go listen to this song midway through.  One of my favorite songs by Fugazi, “Exit Only”

– I almost hit the FFW button as LayCool comes out, but then Kaval is with them… dammit. Who is wrestling? Please be Kaval… nope. They continue to treat Kaval like their errand boy. They are better at being the mean girls, but I still hate this crap… because they can’t wrestle. Crap they are fighting Kelly Kelly and Tiffany. I can’t make another Jacob Two Two joke here, since I already did that this week. Don’t worry, I’ll forget and make it over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over…. FFW, right? Nah, I just listen to another Fugazi song and grab a cold, cold beer since I am NOT straight edge.

– Layla and McRibs for the win…

– We will be treated to post RAW tapings footage of the NXT guys killing John Cena on Monday. Unless Striker is a liar. He’s already been a liar once tonight, so… well…

Word, I’m Canadian. And I realize he is no longer in charge. But I continue to hate, since that’s what I do. So enjoy. Yes, I live in an igloo… I save money on not owning a refrigerator.

– Ok Striker isn’t a liar, he asks us “what the fuck” in regards to the Cena attack by NXT… the clip is shown… starts with the on-air portion which is like ten minutes long. You’ve either read this recap by now or if not: JUMP. It’s like a bunch of zombies swarming a human victim… hmm… interesting random morphine reference, must have something to do with the end of this “article.” I enjoy my third viewing of last week’s kick ass ending of RAW. We get some alternate camera angles here and there… Striker tells us the truth, we get some after footage of the destruction of the ring area, and Cena being wheeled away via EMTs. And the announce table being pulled off of Lawler. Meh… Striker tells us this has put the entire lockerroom on notice, and they’re all paranoid. Cool. The clips were a little unsatisfying, but that one little bit of vernacular from Striker made up for it.

– We are reminded of a 3 week old episode of Christian’s Peep Show where Dolph Ziggler and Chavo attacked him… so that means we get a matchup between Christian and …. clips… and…. Vickie Guerrero with the “Excuse me!” Damn, the microphone is pulling some serious action tonight. The crowd takes a giant crap on her head. She introduces Dolph Ziggler, I guess. So that’s our match.

See what I did, I made my Ziggy references relevant to my Jacob Two Two references. Shut up, I don’t get paid for this.

– The matchup is underway! And of course we hit Karate Kid remake ads where Jackie Chan continues to promise Will Smith’s kid he will teach him Kung-Fu. And I continue to be pissed off that Hollywood doesn’t understand that all martial arts are not the same. FFW!!!! FFW!!!

– We return with Dolph in a fairly typical heel domination shtick returning from commercial… since I love Christian, not Christians, I will give this bout the chance it deserves. The action picks up, and Christian drops a sick kick from the top ropes! Love that stuff… it ultimately allows Christian to win. Vance Archer and what’s his nut attack post match, then Ziggler slaps on the old sleeper hold and make out with Vickie… weak. Then we get another Kane segment segment about his dead brother bit… ok, nothing special though.

– Drew McIntyre is out, but in a suit… he calls out Theodore Long. Out comes the playah. Drew is upset about having to face and be beaten by Matt Hardy on RAW. Long tries to explain, while McIntyre cuts him off. Since he called him out to talk, that was retarded. The new order from McMahon, according to Drew, is that Hardy is suspended from all shows. No loopholes. Then Drew is interrupted by Kofi Kingston. He’s sick of this, etc. Basically he tells him to shut up…. and a brief scuffle ensues.

I then ignore a call from work trying to get me to come back in… I ignore it, since 13 hours today is enough for me, thanks. I was asleep anyways, right? (wink-wink, nudge-nudge). Stupid work.

– Teddy is phoning for Vince backstage, to no avail. Drew McIntyre shows up to inform us his big announcement was that he will face Drew next week in a match or be fired. Teddy looks distraught… that should be exciting…

– Big Show versus CM Punk. I am mixed on this one… not sure if I care, even though Punk is active. Hmm… maybe we’ll get the mystery man run in? Not in the first segment which was basically Punk dancing around dodging Show’s attempts to punch him… yawn. This is not looking like an entertaining match to say the least…. Down to the final three minutes or so, and it’s still slow and plodding. Show lands a giant slap to Punks back, Punk sells awesomely… no shocker there. HEY THERE’S THE MYSTERY MAN and the rest of SES as Show attempts to make good on his promise of demasking Punk. Kane enters as the beatdown continues!!! Kane drops the mystery man and Luke Gallows as Serena and Punk flees. Then Kane focuses his attention on Big Show…. CHOKESLAM!!

– WWE Logo comes up (as Punk and Serena watch from the top of the ramp), and I’m out.

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Random Morphine Reference:

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This one is an easy one to choose this week. You see, as much as I love wrestling, I LOVE zombies just as much, if not more. I started organizing these panel discussions where we get fellow fans to chime in and discuss particular issues. We just finished our first installment of Undead Intelligence Agency: The Morphine Nation Panel of the Dead. Check it out!

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Shameless Plugs!

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Bored Wrestling Fan

Project Wonderboy

Morphine Nation

G might be the mastermind behind this project… maybe. Could be a clone version though…
LarG Productions

My brother in arms, ThinkSoJoE kicks ass and takes names with the band ThinkSoBrain:
Thinksobrain

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