Home ▸ SmackDown ▸ Smackdown 06/28/13

Hello folks, it is I, ThinkSoJoE, covering SmackDown for G, who was unavailable to cover the show this evening.  He was, however, kind enough to supply me with a bunch of animated GIFs and witty captions.  So, here we go, as G would say, it’s hopping time!

I watch this show as it airs every other week and live tweet it.  This was not one of those weeks.  So now I’m watching on DVR and typing about what happens in a semi-factual way.

R.I.P. Matt Borne, one of the truly more unique guests we’ve had on BWF Radio.  Your antics as the original Doink will forever be ingrained in my memories.

Opening pyro!  Haven’t seen that in a while.  USC gets all the cool stuff.  We get FFW filler between Boreton and Kane, and Fiesta Del Rio later tonight.  I reiterate my statement from Monday – if CM Punk isn’t in a mariachi band, that segment is useless.

* Dublin Street Fight: Damien Sandow vs. Sheamus

G was even kind enough to give me a match listing.  Sandow gives us a history lesson.  In 1860, South Carolina was the first state to secede from the Union.  Sandow suggests they do it again.  Y’all is not a word, it’s pronounced “you all,” as in “you all are a bunch of ignoramuses.”  You’re welcome.  A Dublin street fight has beer taps and green kendo sticks (Sandman note:  Singapore Cane, goddammit!).  Sheamus uses one of the beer taps to help teach the kids to count, because beer and Irish stereotypes are educational.  Sheamus gets a keg tossed at him, then gets whacked with a sack of potatoes.  All we need now is a shillelagh, four leaf clovers, and Lucky Charms.  Sheamus wins with a Brogue Kick to a seated Sandow.

Backstage, Kane congratulates Daniel Bryan on his win on Monday.  Kane says it was an upset, and Bryan takes it the wrong way.  Bryan says he’ll be on commentary, just in case Kane needs him in his match with Orton tonight, then gives Kane a hug.

Up next, Paul Heyman is a guest on MizTV.  What did I do to deserve The Miz on this episode?

Nailed it!

It’s warm in my apartment.  During the break I cranked up my AC and ate some ice cream.  I’m going to watch this segment and then give you the gist of it.  Heyman brings out Curtis Axel, Miz calls Heyman fat like Jabba The Hut, which makes Axel Luke Skywalker.  “Luke, you are not your father.”  Miz tries to start dissention between Heyman and Axel, and challenges Axel to defend his title against Miz tonight, to no avail.  Axel drops Miz with a neckbreaker to end the segment.

I got sarcastic… don’t worry, it gets more tasteless….

* Non-Title Match: AJ Lee {C} vs. Natalya

Kaitlin comes out before the match dressed as AJ and accuses her of having relationships with Mark Yeaton, Dr. Samson, and Lilian Garcia.  Kaitlyn skips around the ring, distracting AJ, and allowing Natalya to roll her up for the victory.  Then Kaitlyn spears AJ for good measure.

I suppose the WWE 2K14 cover could have been much worse.

“And the fist comes down, and the fist is change, and the fist comes down!”  Can’t wait for the Wyatt Family to show up!

BREAKING NEWS!  Teddy Long is on the phone when Mr. McMahon drops by.  He wants to know who is in the World Heavyweight Championship Money In The Bank match.  Long says that rather than select all the top WWE Superstars, he’s thinking about the future.  His Superstars are Wade Barrett, Jack Swagger, Antonio Cesaro, Fandango, Dean Ambrose, Cody Rhodes, and Damien Sandow.  McMahon corrects Long on how to pronounce Fandango’s name.

Diet Pepsi ruins your complexion.

* Kane vs. Randy Orton

 I dose off during this one, and wake up after a Domino’s ad has me dreaming of me telling people that Domino’s still sucks.  Then I try again and fall right back to sleep.  The finish has Bryan toss Kane back into the ring, directly into an RKO, and Randall Keith Orton picks up the win.

Not the friendliest dog

* Ryback vs. Justin Gabriel

Ok.  It’s now 7AM.  I got a good night’s sleep thanks to Orton/Kane.  And I wake up with Ryback vs. Justin Gabriel up next.  And since Gabriel is already in the ring, I know where this is going.  FFW!  Looks like Gabriel put up a bit of a fight, but ultimately lost via Shell Shock.  Jericho comes out after the match to sarcastically ask if Ryback hurt his leg.  He insults Ryback and calls him Cryback.  He even gets the crowd to chant it.  He threatens to give Ryback something to cry about.  He goes after the leg that Ryback apparently hurt during the match I FFW’d through.

This past Monday, we saw the new cover for WWE 2K14.

This actually looks more fun than how it’s supposed to work.

* The Shield vs. The Usos and Christian

Hmm.. 30 minutes left in the show, 3 graphics left that G kindly posted here for me, and this is the last match.  And since I’m hungry and crunched for time, despite the fact I love the Shield, FFW!  Especially since Christian and The Usos are in this one.  Rollins takes out both Usos, and Ambrose looks to go for a suicide dive of his own, but eats a spear by Christian, who picks up the win for his team.  Fucking Christian.  I hope he injures himself again soon.

Aha, that’s what’s left on this show – Del Rio’s party.  It’s next.

Yep.

And since I don’t want these images to go to waste…

This, on the other hand, does NOT look more fun than how it’s supposed to work.

12 minutes left then I can eat breakfast.  The faces of the mariachi band are all visible.  CM Punk is not one of them.  Ricardo makes fun of the South Carolina rednecks, and introduces the World Heavyweight Champion, Alberto Del Rio.  Dolph Ziggler’s face is on the pinata.  Del Rio says he’s going to do things his way from now on.  He’s only going to speak Spanish, which, since I speak enough Spanish to say “I don’t speak Spanish,” should be fun for me.  So he speaks Spanish, then says we’re supposed to be having fun (I’m not), and smashes the pinata.  He says he smashed it, just like he bashed in Ziggler’s brains at Payback, and he’ll do the same at Money In The Bank to remain your World Heavyweight Champion.  He calls out Ziggler and dares him to ruin his celebration.  Ziggler’s music hits, and he comes out from backstage.  Again, no mariachi sneak attacks.  Ziggler and Del Rio brawl, RicRod gets put through a table, and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag.  He tries to blast Del Rio with one of the mariachi band’s guitars, but Del Rio bails and Ricardo gets kabonged with the kabonger instead.  Ziggler celebrates with the mariachi band to as balloons fall from the ceiling to end the show.  Breakfast time, fuckers.  I’m out.

@Charles Barkley @G: “Not enough basketball on television anymore.”

@G @Charles Barkley: “LeBron ruined it for everyone again.”

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

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WTF?

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When will Joe noticed I changed this section? Maybe on BWF Radio, this Sunday at 2 PM EST? Which Sunday?

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Shameless Plugs!

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