Home ▸ SmackDown ▸ Smackdown 08/10/12

Oh, the hell with it. Joe better be careful on BWF Radio reading what I write tonight. Let’s see how many of these I give this week:

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

– Note the computer I am writing this on is being backed up onto my other computer, and is acting sluggish. This will affect my review….indeed!

Always a mystery…

– Our one time GM, Booker T, heads to the ring. He gives the crowd a one-time Spin-a-rooni, and reminds us he is in his hometown of Houston. “Houston, we have a problem…” he notes. Curious? Curiousity? See what I did there? Clips of Sheamus’ larceny on RAW air, and The Book-Man requests The Great White comes to the ring to apologize for being a criminal. Sheamus notes that Del Rio tried to take his dignity last Friday, so he opted to steal Alberto’s car. Sheamus apologizes to Booker, the entire WWE Universe, and insincerely to Del Rio. As a member of the universe in question, I do not accept his apology. I DEMAND PROSECUTION IN THE FULL EXTENT OF THE LAW!!! Del Rio seems to agree, and enters calling Sheamus, and rightfully so, a criminal. Booker points out that if Sheamus can’t defend the title in jail (fuck that, strip the guy), so basically this all culminates in making a World Title defense tonight.

I wonder what Curiosity would have done to Max Moon?

– * Cody Rhodes vs. Sin Cara – Ok, now my computers are being total fuckers… Rhodes mentions he is also is familiar with wearing a mask, but the difference is that Sin Cara is ugly. Umm…. zing? Terrible. It’s a quick, decent match. Rhodes spends too much time trying to demask Sin Cara, and as a result gets a fruit roll-up and your champion of the match is Sin Cara. Just prior, Rhodes looks up and mouths “What’s with the lights?”

I bet you’re laughing. I was too, until I realized that this kid just might be REALLY good at defense and willing to take two for the team.

– Cut to Daniel Bryan walking backstage yelling “No!” at random grips, P.A.’s, wrestlers, etc. Bryan hunkers down in the ring as the crowd cries “YES!” at him… I swear, I thought he was going into the punk position. “Do you people think I am nothing more than a catchphrase?” he demands, to which the crowd of course responds… well… you know what they say. Then Bryan goes off, and I don’t rewrite promos. Let’s just say it’s awesome, and he rants about being a champion, AJ, and his match at Summerslam with Kane. He feels he deserves more than that, and the crowd can fuck off. Kane comes out, and then AJ comes out? WTF? Wrong show dipshit. Booker asked her here, we’re told and she does her head twitch crap and over-emoting garbage. AJ tells Kane that she appreciated how Kane was honest with her when she was in slut-mode a while back. Then she demands that Bryan shakes Kane’s hand while looking like she is having an orgasm. Then Kane attacks Bryan, so the latter flees. It was an entertaining bit, all thanks to Bryan and no one else. Looks like AJ wants to fuck Kane again.

6-C is “Run like a cowardly heel.” Awesome.

– Hawkins and Rekks approach Booker T and want a shot, but T wants “A+” talent not jobbers to Pinky and the Back (hint both of latter two are actually one guy).

This is so spot on, I had to include it somewhere on this site.

– * Jinder Mahal vs. Two Random Job Guys Mahal has his fucking hat box back, because all of us Calgarians put our turbans in glass boxes. That’s what we do. Then Mahal gets a screen bit about telling Eye-fart-back about beating two jobbers quicker than the guy who can’t find toilet paper. Mahal fucks them up quick, and puts both in a double camel clutch spot. Then Ry-Van-Back enters and runs off the Calgarian. Rycrack then does his double finisher spot. I’m not impressed. Mahal already softened them up. Smores were had by all in the crowd, right Joe?

Survivor Naut G will return to the Wonderpod show soon enough, meanwhile, Diddy found outside work as a sociopath.

– There better be fucking hockey next season, or I riot.

What he said. I murdered some guy at a Burger King once… not going through that again….

– * Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel Returns w/ Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero. You already know this is awesome, so just go watch it. It’s the first time in over two years since this has been on WWE television. Vickie comes out and tells Jericho he cannot interview her client, and they have a funny back and forth. This is the reason to watch tonight’s show. So if you are on the fence, just go watch this segment. He had time to re-evaluate and maybe it’s time to… well, “Y2J is back, BABY!” Awesome. Ziggler tries to run in, Jericho fucks up his shit… Vickie slaps Jericho and Ziggy Ziggles blindsides Y2J! Then he clocks him with the briefcase! I watch this twice. Watch it once, or turn in your Wrestling Fan Card in at the desk on the way out. The following will be up until the Orwellian police take it down:

[youtube pZO00tOtjew]
Hit the 8 minute mark, smark.

– * #1 Contender’s Match: The Primetime Players vs. Epico and Primo. Probably worth noting that this is the last time you’ll see AW with the PP’s since his Kobe comment Muhammad Hassan’d him right out into the pastures of future endeavors. I thought that would happen last week, BUT NO! AW reverses the decision into three more television appearances only to be laid out by the Corporation during a house show run in on Friday! Looks like the Colons might get a bit more time as a result. Shitty deal for Young and Oneil… oh well. The match is rendered moot as Kofi Bryant and R-Truth interfere (they were on commentary), and they beat down AW. Coincidence? No.

Charles Barkley @G: “While you were camping last week, you missed the turrible performance by the nightmare team.  They’re only beating other teams by 20 points or so.  Turrible.”

– LOL, switching Kofi and Kobe’s last names is still real to me. Moving on… fucking computers are still being fucktards.

– * Christian vs. Antonio Cesaro w/ Aksana. Ok, this should be good. Let me entertainment you. Cesaro wants to speak to us in 5 different languages. Hey, he learned five words, and all of them are “Victory” this week. I smell a gimmick. Much better this week. They deliver, and we get a showcase of technically sound wrestling. Christian gets the win though, which is a bit of a shame. The two trade spots leading to a SPEAR! BAH GAWD! I don’t think the Captain needed the win here, but it is what it is.

No caption needed.

– Arda Ocal tells us Canadian viewers on The Score that Lance Storm Academy has produced yet another talent. Nice! But there is also somewhere else wrestlers, referees, and other talent can learn the business in Calgary…. Alberta, Canada. It’s Original Stampede Wrestling. It’s run by Bruce Hart and Doc Knight, and we at boredwrestlingfan.com had the pleasure to interview them about this restart of the innovative Stampede Wrestling this week. That interview is here.

– Eve talks shit about being invaluable to Johnny Ace, but Booker could give two fucks. Then Kaitlyn is brought in by Teddy Long to be an assistant and is hired immediately much to Eve’s chagrin. Booker makes it a match between the two, and the winner gets the job. That’s how I got my job at Burger King in highschool. I killed another man… but that’s a story for another day.

Seems legit.

– * Non-Title Match: The Miz {C} vs. Rey Mysterio. Whoop-dee-doo. Non-title match. Fuck this shit. Mysterio is still wearing his rubber shirt with a question mark on it. Why? Because he’s fat now. And wrestlers can’t be fat. Just ask Dusty Rhodes, Andre “the Giant”, Tugboat, Mass Transit, Yokozuna, Uncle Elmer, or Fatty McGee. They all agree. Whatever, this was a decent match at best. Rey and Miz trade a bunch of spots up and down the ring. Near falls, etc. I’m just apathetic because of the non-title clause. FUCKING HATE THAT STIP. One neat spot has Miz reverse the 619, but Mysterio still counters his finisher with another Fruit-Rollup, and picks up the win. At least put this as a title match on the PPV. Could’ve been better.

I think it’s obvious that Zangief takes round 1.

– * World Title Match: Sheamus {C} vs. Alberto Del Rio. They’ve got five minutes. That doesn’t bode well. Police officers come down to arrest Sheamus? Huh. Del Rio tells them to back off, as he wants his title back. Sheamus fights the police, because that’s what upstanding B-A-Star face champions do. The rest of the NWA run in, I guess. The cops beat down the Irishman and Del Rio tries to ply them off of the Great White. But no, he’s going where he belongs. At least the cops let our Mexican Millionaire get some cheap shots in. The cops hold Sheamus in place so Del Rio can dropkick him… then clear the ring so the man can put him in an armbar. And that’s pretty much it, folks!

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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