Smackdown: 09/03/10… kind of a meh episode.
By G · · Leave a CommentAnother week, another Smackdown. Yep, the suffrage continues. Much like last night, no flashy intro comments… no animated gif either. Let’s just get to it dammit.
– Not only are we kicking off Smackdown with our newest sensation, Alberto Del Rio (and personal ring announcer)… he is throwing some kind of fiesta in the ring, complete with red carpets and a bunch of butlers carrying various party paraphernalia such as balloons, champagne, and hors d’ oeuvres. He is celebrating taking out Rey Mysterio.
– Christian interrupts and messes with him. He says he knows who Alberto is… he’s JBL! He’s Enrique Iglesias! Ha ha! Christian rules. And he tells him that he’s on notice, Rey was his friend. “You are the only Jack-Ass that I see!” points out Captain Charisma. Del Rio essentially calls him out, and Christian says even though he has a match later, sure… let’s go now… They have a little staredown…. “There’s going to be another place… and another time… and you… are going to pay for this,” states Alberto as he heelishly makes his way out of the ring with a Joker-esque smirk on his face. Drew McIntyre jumps Christian from behind! Tosses him from the ring, and Del Rio pours alcohol on Christian’s face. End segment.
– Well, all smarkiness aside… that was an awesome and entertaining segment. I was on the bandwagon long before the official debut… hot damn! Del Rio is the shit.
Slam dunk of segment!
– We return to a nice bout between Christian and McIntyre. They showcase a good match with high spots and technical maneuvers. I’m happy. McIntyre is victim to a Christian roll up, and the good Captain Charisma walks out our winner. Totally worth watching… this is a nice feud that shows potential for some good follow up matches (if they stick with it). Smackdown NEEDS chemistry like this.
– Then all is ruined as Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly and Lay-Cool are fighting each other. I’m not even going to watch this crap. Instead, I’ll just post a picture of some dude doing flippy floppy shit with a baseball bat… because that is FAR MORE ENTERTAINING.
This is what I call eye candy. That, and I can download porn if I want too… come on WWE, hire women who can actually wrestle. FUCK!
– Michelle McRib for the win I guess… speaking of which:
It might be coming to a Mickey-Dee’s near you soon, I don’t know. I do know that this is an animated gif and regular season NFL is upon us, and Michelle McCool needs to start eating regularly, so… it’s all relevant.
– Some psychologist is examining Hornswoggle backstage, and reporting to Teddy Long. The doctor suggests electro-shock therapy. HA HAAHAHA! Shock that midget! While it is truly a garbage segment, who doesn’t love midget torture? C’mon, it’s family entertainment! Swoggle, gets the last laugh as he connects the electrodes to the doctor’s brain and cranks the power, leaving the man smoking and suffering a stroke as he flees… ahh… nothing says PG-TV like a good homicide!
– Goddamn, this is the third painful segment in a row. What the fuck, WWE, do you WANT me to stop watching? Vickie shrieks the entrance of Dolph “Resthold” Ziggler who is facing the technically talented Chris Masters. I’m not watching this garbage match either. FFW… FFW like you have 3 minutes to live.
– This is pretty cool though, check out the number of bounces buddy got for the World Record of Rock Skipping:
DAMN!
– For those keeping score, Ziggler beat Masters. It was quick, so the FFW’ing just ripped through that obvious garbage.
– Big Show versus the SES sans Serena who is dead. Show makes his way out first, and is rocking a head bandana for some reason now. Merch! Buy it! Shop Zone! It’s a fucking rag! I guess it ties into his Hogan impression he resurrected on the 900th episode of RAW on Monday? I don’t know… since Show takes the bandana off right away… CM Punk and Luke Gallows will represent SES in this handicap match (Joey Mercury is ringside in an arm sling).
– I’m surprised, this match is rather fun. While it is the typical Giant match, both Gallows and Punk find a way to diversify the action with the limited mobility of the Show and keep things interesting in our first segment…
I take the commercial break as an opportunity to grab a cold cold beer. I prefer this kind of beverage over … well… my own urine. We’ve evolved just a tad, huh?
– The action capitulates quickly as we return. The Big Show submits Gallows and walks away victorious. Punk is livid (of course) and turns on Gallows, landing the Go-To-Sleep on his partner in frustration. Hmm… what is the future of the SES? Only time will tell, folks… and the last time I checked, my watch doesn’t have the ability to converse with human-types.
– It’s time for the MVP VIP Lounge hosted by Jack Swagger (who won the rights to host the show previously). His father is also out, in a wheelchair and neck-brace. Swagger hits the microphone and shows us highlights of his boring win over MVP last week. Ol’ Swag’s guest on the show is indeed dear, old dad. His Pops brings with him the Southern drawl and plays along with the accomplishment gimmick of Swagger. For some reason, WWE writers think that we want to watch Jack do pushups as his dad counts along. However, Swagger’s father’s count of the actual pushups Swagger is doing is COMPLETELY OUT OF SYNC and WAY AHEAD OF THE NUMBER HE ALREADY DOES! HA HAHAHAHAH!! “Epic fail” gets tossed around too much on these here internets… but this is a perfect example of BAD.
– MVP interrupts and “the VIP lounge is closed for renovations.” Thank god. MVP totally saves the segment… FUCK YEAH! Swagger uses his dad in a wheel chair as a shield to fend off MVP! AWESOME HEEL TACTICS!!!! MVP still comes out on top, hitting his “Balling” elbow drop on Swagger’s fallen father as Swagger cowardly flees. Ahh… loving the family friendly programming here… use the old man as a getaway distraction. Actually, in all sincerity, I might do the same in case of the pending zombie apocalypse… but that’s me. I’m a dick.
Bwah ha ha hahahaha
– Cody Rhodes versus Matt Hardy. Rhodes runs down Hardy due to his grooming tips segments and more or less the aging flabby version of Hardy. The metrosexual Rhodes is wearing thin. The crowd is pretty quiet (and since this segment sucks, I don’t blame them). Rhodes is trying (I’ll give him that credit, but this is very weak). Hardy dominates early as the match gets underway. We hit commercials, and return to Hardy continuing this trend. Good, I feared a squash. Rhodes, of course turns things around for the win, but it doesn’t come across as a strong win… Meh…
– Kane’s major announcement is next… and it’s a pre-tape. For shame WWE… for shame. They have been doing fantastically edited live promos lately with Kane, so we know they could do better. I’m already unimpressed. Kane keeps the Biblical references of sin going, Kane’s being “Envy” and Takers’ being “Pride.” Kane wants his powers, or some garbage…. cut from the Trinatron to the Druids bringing the casket to the ring… blue lights and smoke machines ensue… Nicely done!!! Kane exits the casket!! That was a nice bit! Kane goes on about the Undertaker and his rehashed feud. He does a decent job, I’ll give him that much. He rants and raves for 5 minutes until the Undertaker’s music hits… again. I FFW through another drawn out entrance… Kane flees and re-appears on the Trinatron. MAGIC! BULLSHIT! I STOPPED WATCHING WRESTLING FOR A WHILE BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT! Kane’s ability to teleport is highly under-rated? Meh…
– The WWE logo mercifully comes up, and I’m out… thank god.
– Alberto Del Rio rules, by the way. I am going to rate him super high in the Power Poll because educated democracy can kiss my ass this week thus far.
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Shameless Plugs!
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Project Wonderboy
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