Home ▸ SmackDown ▸ Smackdown: 12/16/11.

Let me level with you, there IS a PPV this Sunday. Seriously. I know what you’re thinking, but I assure the TLC PPV is this Sunday. This might seem baffling if you have been watching WWE programming lately, because you’d think they’d make you care and want to tune in to see it. But they didn’t book much, or do much, and as a result… meh. Let’s just hop to it, shall we? I’m too tired.

I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question.

Time to be stupid and serious at the same time…

– Josh Matthews invites Booker T to the ring to discuss his return match to face Cody Rhodes at TLC. This one might actually be worth a steal watch later. Booker’s main argument is that Cody needs to legitimize himself by getting a win over T. He also puts over the I.C. title, which is a nice touch. Cue Rhodes music, which allows him to physically move through Gorilla to the ring. Rhodes has returned to his slow methodical speaking style and calls Booker a nostalgia act. Rhodes notes that he will face Daniel Bryan tonight, and if Booker interferes, the match is off and Rhodes will seek to have Booker suspended… cue D Bryan’s music…

– * Non-Title Match: Cody Rhodes {C} vs. Daniel Bryan. WHY IS THIS A NON TITLE MATCH? WHY IS THE TITLE EVER NOT ON THE LINE?!! Anyways… Bryan is still taped up, hence selling the World’s Strongest Slam spot from Mark Henry about a month ago. I like that fact… commercials ensue shortly into the start.

– The two continue to grapple in a solid bout, but the announcers completely distract from the fact as Cole raves and rants about Booker’s match on Sunday. Rhodes plays off of Bryan’s injured ribs, but has serious problems regardless. Rhodes wins with a counter into a modified Twist of Fate. Outside of the announcers, worth the watch.

This is how I do the dishes too! Saves so much time, but not money. Hence, why I will not be spending my hard earned cash on WWE’s after thought of a PPV this Sunday.

– * Natalya vs. Alicia Fox. This is a nothing match. Fox gets some roll up win in what feels like a minute. Fox has some blond hair extension, tells her she “got out foxed” and to go have a cry in the back. Natalya attacks. Fox terribly beats her off. Be a star kids, be a bully. DEDRATER.

Sometimes when I watch Nightmare on Elm Street movies I want a crowd to start chanting “Freddy’s Gonna Kill You!” R.I.P. Samoa Joe.

– Swagger talks with Henry backstage, and Henry tells him he wants Swagger to go out and disrespect Big Show. If he does, he will receive the next world title shot. Swagger says he’ll do whatever benefits his agenda, not Henry’s.

– * The Usos vs. Epico and Primo. I want to care about this, I really do. But going in, I do not. Are the Usos the only real gimmicked tag team in the WWE? The Usos are certainly improving, and Primo is great carrying his end of the heels workload. Epico is pretty decent as well. The heels pick up a quick win in a high energy match. Maybe our division has two teams now?

– There is no commercial break as our next match entrances begin… then we cut away…

Charles Barkley @G: “Hey, I got my job back! Time to get back in shape. Just like Mike Farley”

G @Charles Barkley: “I don’t think Mick is going to be getting back into shape, he still has to be embarrassed regularly by the powers-that-be at WWE. He’s the new Jim Ross.”

– * Big Show vs. Jack Swagger. Again, the match itself is not much of a story, it’s Henry coming down at ringside with a steel chair to watch the match. Swagger gets notable offensive attacks in, but generally as a result of the distraction of the Evil Kool-Aid man sitting at ringside. Swagger somehow manages to slap on an Angle Lock, only to be reversed into a “Weapon of Mass Destruction” (Big Show’s punch), and Show gets the win.

As much as I was tired enough this week to pull off this “feat,” it would have been fatal in my line of work at the night job.

– Zack Ryder has a little bit with Randy bOReTON back stage about being on the same “page.” It’s twitter and facebook humor. Ha ha? Get it? Weak. Die Twitter, die.

– * Ted DiBiase vs. Heath Slater. Ok, so one guy is getting over in part to his social media tailgating, and the other’s claim to fame is attempting to rape people at last years WrestleMania and looking like the girl from Wendy’s. Who is going to win here? Yeah. Dibiase. It’s hard to believe with all the ring action, this show has been this boring. Don’t worry, it gets worse. Post match, Jinder Mahal attacks Dibiase, so Teddy Long shows up and tells him he has some unfinished business with and will face right now…

This happened in Battlefield 3. Seriously, the guy jumps out of his jet, rockets the enemy plane, and gets back in. Sick.

– * Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal. I guess Sheamus’ Brogue Kick to Jinder on RAW did not send him back to his home: Calgary, Alberta, Canada. “India.” Jinder gets more time here than on RAW, but still eats a Brogue Kick in about 3 minutes as Sheamus picks up the obvious win. WAKE ME UP WWE, PLEASE.

– We get some clips “building” the Sledgehammer ladder match at TLC PPV with Kevin Nash and HHH. Should’ve been a 123-Kid-On-A-Pole match. In all fairness, do yourself a favor and try to check out some of Waltman’s work recently. The guy can still go, X-Pac heat or no.

Me taking a TLC.

– A bunch of Slammy highlight crap kills time. Then the PPV card is shown. YAWN.

– * Randy Orton and Zack Ryder vs. Dolph Ziggler and Wade Barrett. Totally falling asleep here, no thanks in part to Orton. Ziggler and Orton carry much of our first television segment, one in which shows that Dolph is as capable as Orton (if not more) as being in the main event. As we return, we get more balance among participants. Ryder hits some seriously good looking attacks on Ziggler, as he frames Ziggler in the corner with a sick looking stomp to the head. After a near fall, Ziggler manages to roll out and tag in Barrett who begins to dominate Iced-Z. Barrett attempts a Wasteland Slam on Ryder, who viciously escapes with elbows to the big Brit’s head. Then a hot tag to Orton allows for Orton to kill the heels, but not able to capitalize… Barrett and Ryder brawl outside the ring… Ziggler looks to finish Orton, only to dine on an RKO and Randy Orton (surprise, I know), RKO’s a more interesting character back to the midcard? Orton wins.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

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Shameless Plugs!

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