Home ▸ SmackDown ▸ Smackdown 16/08/13: Meh

Frankly, this is probably the least important show leading into Summerslam we could have. Of any week I take a break doing the review in the normal fashion, this would be it. But, as opposed to posting nothing, I’ll give the results and make note of anything of relevance if necessary. Ready to do a half-assed hop?

The Swiss Savior.

Yeah, you’ll get some pretty pic’s too…

Wow. Mind altering.

“I watch, write, suffer, and succumb to this show, yet have to remind myself of what happened only minutes after each episode. That is how G’s Smackdown reviews work. And as J.T. Hogan has observed, it often makes more sense than the program you are actually watching. This is not a play-by-play recap, there’s enough of those online. This is a highly-opinionated take of the show in question. Also, RAW reviews are ALWAYS half-assed when Joe does them, I apologize for nothing.

Sid is being haunted…

– The wyatt family appear to be making their way to the ring in the darkness, but then it cuts to a package of the storyline with Kane. Wyatt is in his chair in the ring and tells a story about a little boy who was teased and bullied growing up. He chose to hide behind a mask, his name was Kane. Great promo, probably the highlight of the show. Kane shows up and beats down the Family and stares down Bray. Sadly, Kane starts walloping on Bray, then the numbers game catches up to Kane, and Bray lays out Kane. They should have kept them apart. Weak ending.

Power shart?

– * Damien Sandow vs. Christian. This match is given a lot of time. No complaints, I like both of them. It doesn’t build up anything for the PPV though. Sandow gets cocky attempting the Cubito Aquet, allowing Christian to roll him up for the pin. ADR runs in post match and attacks Christian.

Done, and done.

– * AJ Lee and Layla vs. Kaitlyn and Natalya. Speaking of “done.”… Fuck this match. AJ hits a shining wizard on Kaitlyn for the pin and the win, I guess.

.At the scene of a crime, he arrives just in time.

– Renee Young interviews Ry-Snack who starts yelling at someone off screen for looking at him. It’s a P.A., so Ryback kills him.

– * The Shield vs. RVD, Big Show and Mark Henry. Rumor has it that due to nefarious means on the YouTube pre-show thingy, that we’ll get this on the PPV anyways. Hey look! Two massive immobile guys and RVD! Sigh. It’s not terrible, the other four guys make up for the monsters lack of movement. Show botches a tag, and RVD flattens Ambrose with a Five Star Frog Splash. BUT BIG SHOW MISSED THE FUCKING TAG! The match is still ruled a victory for Rob Mark Show.

RVD is apparently invisible.

– * Jack Swagger vs. The Miz. Before the match starts, Zeb Coulter rips apart Miz for being a Hollywood phony and throws him to the ground verbally. As he should, that Hollywood persona stuff is hated by most of the world. Shit, Zeb is gold. This match, not so much. In what proves to be a meh match, Cesaro is tossed out, as is Coulter… they protest, this allows a rollup win on Swagger by Miz.

.I know at least BWF Alum, DrowGoddess knows what the hell this means.

– * Non-Title Match: Curtis Axel {C} vs. Zack Ryder. Not sure who this Ryder guy is… maybe a local jobber? Heyman accompanies some other jobber out. Workrate. Jobs. Work. Taskmaster. Where’s Trent? Place-holder. Woo, woo, woo… it’s over. Since this match has absolutely no relevance to Summerslam, no fucks are given. Curtis Axel wins.

Open your mouth, dummy!

– Paul Heyman cuts a promo in the ring about being outsmarted by Punk on RAW. Attack via camera, etc. It’s kind of short, and more or less just is there to say Brock Lesnar will have his revenge on Seattle.

– * NO DQ Match: Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett. Again? Fuck this. Vince McMahon makes his way out half way through to watch in disdain as the Barbarian Barrett is shellacked by Bryan. His presence is to pull the referee out of the match as Daniel submits Wade with a No Lock. Referee Brad Maddox runs out to replace the dead referee… Maddox is nefarious, distractions, McMahon hands Barrett a kendo stick which gets used on Maddox, and Bryan puts Barrett through a table. McMahon puts on the referee shirt, almost… then HHH comes out in stripes. Bryan hits a flying headbutt from the top ropes to defeat Wade. Orton walks out with his brief case and no pants. Stare down. Raise case. End show. Later.

I criticize because I care. I did enjoy the show. I wouldn’t watch if I didn’t love this shit.

The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.

Tell me I’m a retard on Twitter! Yes, you can mock me on social media now here: @GoftheInternet

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Joe continues not to notice this section. 😀 It’s like a Talking Heads song or something. 4 weeks and counting. He was warned.

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WTF?

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Nothings here, man.

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Shameless Plugs!

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