Smackdown 23/06/10: Kane Still Hates You
By G · · Leave a CommentAnother week, another Smackdown… hopefully my apartment won’t pretend to burn down again this time? Guess what, the alarm went off early Monday morning as well! Right after drinking my face off at the Calgary Stampede into the wee hours… I live on the top floor of an apartment building, and lucky me, people have been working on repairs all week… it wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have a night job. So needless to say, I’ve gotten very little sleep this week. Let’s see if Smackdown can keep me awake…
– Last Sunday was the Money in the Bank PPV, which I hear was decent. Kane, your new champion starts off the show coming to the ring to gloat? Dramatic music plays as a backdrop as Kane addresses the crowd and the story of his battle with Rey Mysterio over the last while…. It’s a very produced segment featuring taped parts with the Undertaker and Kane with special effects. This kind of kills the suspension of disbelief that it is a promo, but nonetheless is fun to watch. Kane claims he went to his brother Taker post match to celebrate, only to feel the desire to continue his wrath. I rather enjoyed this.
Like that song, “You Enjoy Myself” by Phish. Yeah, that hippy band. I went to Phish concert once, and must admit to have NEVER seen more VW vans in one place… the 6 bean burritos the unwashed sold post concert was pretty good…
– Matt Hardy/Christian versus McIntyre/Rhodes …this has serious potential to kick ass. Cody Rhodes little mirror gimmick is starting to grow on me, it’s unique and takes advantage of the set for what it can do. And a damn fine match it is, as the four combine their stronger skills towards putting on a helluva show. Side Effect on Rhodes by Hardy, but he “accidently” laid out Christian just prior…. sets up Drew to land a disgustingly awesome looking kick to Matt’s head to grab the win!
Explain to me what the hell these people were thinking…
– Post match, Christian picks up Hardy in a similar vein to the animated picture above… but eases the mood by extending his hand… Hardy looks reluctant at first, but then they start making out and all is right in the world again. Cut to Swagger backstage in an interview who is upset about how the Rey thing went down with him and Kane. Swagger promises to shatter Rey’s ankle, and then he’s off to Kane’s realm to battle the magical fantasy creatures that dwell there (I guess, I don’t know. Fuck the magic shit). Swagger didn’t mention any magic crap…. I made that up out of sarcasm.
– Another Alberto Del Rio vignette! I can’t say that I disliked this (since I’ve loved them since the get go, the band wagon started a long time ago, folks). But I must say, I am surprised how long these have gone on for… what has it been? Like 2 months? Damn… He discusses bravery this time around… fun diatribe that ends with him stating “The bravest of the brave… Alberto Del Rio.”
-Layla El and Michelle McRibb’s have some crap segment celebrating their win for the Piss Break Title. Teddy Long enters to let them know that next week’s piss break will feature Tiffany versus ? Who ever violates the legacy of the Free Bird rule amongst the two, I suppose. Meh.
Not impressed… I am sure I will reuse this for the Charging the Mound Discussion Panel that should be up in a few days though…
– Kofi Kingston w/ NXT Rookie Michael McGillicutty is out. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero. Mike is dressed to battle, but looks to be in a valet role? Whatever, this match starts off with some nice amateur-style chain-wrestling. Then some flippy floppy stuff by Kofi, until Ziggler stops him in his tracks with a brutish assault followed by a snapmare! Fuck yeah! Kofi finds himself outside as McGillicutty attends to him… then Vickie goes into shriek-mode and demands the referee toss the rookie out (although having done anything) as we cut to commercials…
Even when you FFW through them, the lost time is murdering you slowly… like fire ants picking chunks off your body whilst in a comatose state…
– We return, and Dolph is in control of the high-flying risk-taker. HYPHENS!! Dolph loves him some rest-holds, dammit. He’s got the guy from Ghana in a modified sleeper hold… then almost lands the scissor kick, nope. Good thing Dolph had a neck breaker in his back pocket! More rest holds… C’mon Kofi! Explode into a face burst of momentum!!! And finally he does, setting up his “boom boom” thing, but misses! Ahh, but Vickie, Dolph, the Referee, and HEEL TACTICS put an end to that… and it’s the god damn sleeper hold on Kofi… seriously, I’m TRYING TO STAY AWAKE! DID YOU READ THE PREAMBLE WWE?!?!? I DON”T CARE THAT YOU TAPED THIS DAYS AGO!?!?! THE IWC WILL DESTROY YOU!!! And Kofi goes to dream land in what started great, but ended shitty. Dolph wins.
– Big Show versus Luke Gallows. Hmm… two hosses, mixed in with a sleepy G? You know I have to go and toggle my FFW speed on this… let’s start at 3/5 (5, of course, being maximum speed). IT’S LIKE NORMAL SPEED FOR OTHER WRESTLERS! Luke is out with the SES including an unmasked Punk (in a sling) and the masked mystery man… and the mystery man enters to take the place of Gallows… G stops the FFW’ing! Joey Mercury! The masked man is revealed to be! Show puts on the mask and pins the former tag partner of John Morrison and is all cocky like post match.
– The real question, is where does this leave the talented Mercury (who never should have been released, for fucks sakes). I wonder if next week the Big Show will mistake Luke Gallows face for a mask, and rip the flesh off of his skull? Then wear it afterwards while quoting “It puts the lotion on it’s skin.” ? That would be both horrific and awesome.
Buffalo Bill would’ve been a jobber… trust me.
– Rey Mysterio gets interviewed about losing, he’s bitter. Kind of a whiner… Rey promises Josh he’ll get him the next time, kids! Post surgery, of course. And downtime, healing, etc. Ironically enough, we get a segment right after about Edge and Mysterio talking about their injuries and not for kids to try this at home. Timing? Yep, it’s still everything! HA HAHAHAHAHAHHAH!
– More ads? Fuck. Answer? COLD BEER GUY! Meanwhile, another Del Rio segment. This one is really funny, as it takes the heel aspect up a level as he calls out the viewer as a loser. Haven’t really seen that yet. Yeah, he was pompous before, but here he says “I have no problem in saying, ‘I love myself,’ as I have the one thing none of you have, ‘pride.'” This one also features shots of the crowd (possibly editing mistakes?)… who knows, they tape this live-to-air, but you’d think they also save all the feeds considering modern digital technology and that they are not unable to afford this. The cuts made no sense, while the segment rocked. For those not into post-production of film and television, I make no apologies… just scroll onto the next part, I suppose. TANGENT!!!
– In a number one contender’s match (best of 3 falls), Swagger takes on Rey Mysterio… no rematch clause!?!?!? How does this work? That’s just stupid… Does both Ralph and the entire state of Idaho agree?
Yes, it would seem that they do.
– I’m thinking we see Rey go on the shelf tonight, but I suck at predicting outcomes. Hence, why I am not much of a gambler. I reluctantly watch our main event. But since the point of my reviews is that I edit nothing outside of realtime (yes including the multimedia), I choose to keep these in the posts. Plus, you can mock me being a mark, so everybody wins!
– Things start out okay… Mysterio gets some early offense with a variety of lucha libre excellence, sliding home into Swagger as we cut to commercials…. time to get another beer. FFW the rest, and… we return to Swagger midget-handling Mysterio, but in a way less boring than what we saw with Dolph earlier… lots of movement in his rest-hold-style. Plus, he works the injured kayfabe knee left ankle… cartilage is important, Rey needs more. Although Rey musters a wee bit of offense, Swagger slaps on an Angle Lock (SIC) and will not let go as Mysterio holds the ropes. First fall? Mysterio via ref count DQ. Commercials, ten minutes remain…
tick… tick…. yawn… tick…
– Of course since it is a best of 3 falls, we go to 3. See we return to an instantaneous burst by Rey (selling the injury) who lands a bunch of shit, goes for the 619… BUT NO!!! Swagger catches his legs, drags him into the Angle Lock in the centre of the ring and fall 2 goes to Swagger. Outside action! Swagger continues to work the injury… this leads to some awesome action, and a bunch of near falls. But Rey some how gets the pin (see, I was wrong). Rey is going to Summerslam. Wow, with Taker, HHH, Punk, etc hurt, the WWE are really forcing their hurt guys to shorten their careers, huh? Swagger goes for some post-match beat-down, but KANE WILL HAVE NONE OF IT, and makes the save… chokeslam on Swag’s! Kane notes his near-crippled #1 contender trembling in fear, but picks him up… raises Rey’s hand in victory, but looks pissed off doing it… then just as Rey looks to leave, Kane runs back in, sets up the chokeslam… NO!!! NO!!! Rey Westcoast Pops and 619 it! Kane NO SELLS!!! JUST LOOKS PISSED OFF!! Ha ahahahaha….. Finishers mean nothing…
– WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.
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Random Morphine Reference:
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It’s so nice, I’m pimping it twice:
Click the link, dude.
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Shameless Plugs!
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