Smackdown 05/29/10: We lost a great Little Big Man today…By G · · Leave a Comment
The first thing I notice as the camera pans through the crowd, is a guy with a “Bring Back Heat!” sign. I miss Stevie Night Heat… plus some of the fantastic matches that were allowed to occur on that program. Jimmy Yang and Paul London had some stellar bouts…. probably my favorites of all. And, the pregame show to PPV’s were great too…. ahh, but we can’t live in the past Mr. Guy in the Crowd, can we? We need to live in the present, as in tonight’s rendition of Smackdown!
– Teddy Long comes out to announce some matches, but is interrupted by the Scottish boy toy of Vince McMahon, Drew McIntyre. “Right now, I should still be the Intercontinental Champion…” he begins as he whines about the match at the Over the Limit PPV where Kofi Kingston won the title. Long more or less tells him to bugger off, to which Drew responds, “I’m the chosen one.” Huh…. then Drew pulls a note out of his knee pad.
Mr. Kotter, I’ve got a note…
– Vince McMahon demands the letter is read out loud by Long. Vince’s orders is that Matt Hardy is suspended without pay due to him attacking McIntyre post match last Sunday. This is followed by Hardy coming out, pissed off naturally. Security guards (why do they always look like independent wrestlers!?!? Ha ha!!) restrain him, as Long warns “They’re going to make me fire you.”
– While I enjoyed this bit, you know it makes Drew look weak. He comes across as unable to actually win without help from Vinnie-Mac. I won’t shit on this for now, but certainly they need to advance the storyline soon. And at some point, having Drew fall out of the good graces of McMahon would be a fantastic way to play this out until Summerslam (or at least build towards it).
– Heels abound! As we return, Drew is joined by his tag partner, Jack Swagger, who comes out and reminds us multiple times that he is still the World Heavy Weight Champion. Four times in a row in fact. He should have just recorded and looped that audio sample… Out comes Kofi Kingston and his partner the Big Show… well, three out of four ain’t bad! I rip on Show, he will never be Andre, but when used right, he does play a great giant. Certainly not as the Mediocre Khali who generally stinks up the place. Literally.
– Things start off great as Kofi and McIntyre show some great chemistry. They had a damn fine match at the PPV, and this continues here. KEEP THE FEUD GOING! Since the match is great, WWE naturally cuts away to commercials… When we come back Show’s domination of Drew ends as he tags in the former Jamaican. This match is pretty damn good! Show plays his role as he should, allowing for Kofi to show off against the two heels the majority of the time, flying all over the place. After a nice long match, Show snags a hot tag and just destroys McIntyre. Swagger kind of watches like a deer caught in the headlights from outside the ring as Show chokeslams the Scotsman and takes the match with a decisive pin… I wonder who might have a note turning over the decision?
Oh! Oh! Mr. Kotter! Oh! Oh!
G@ Horshack: “Hush child, I’m done with 1970’s television references for the night. You’re teacher turned into a ravaged gambling addict by the way. FYI.”
– We return to Luke Gallows and Serena comforting a camera-hidden CM Punk who had his head shaved on Sunday. They keep it a big secret as Punk still manages to be hidden under a towel. Toss to Vickie talking to a variety of guys backstage in a fairly generic portion of the show. The only relevant part, I guess, is Vickie making the moves on Dolph “Ziggy” Ziggler for helping her out… Vickie has set up a match with him and Chavo against Christian and Hornswoggle. And we zoom in on a necklace Vickie’s wearing that says “Cougar.” MAKE THIS END! Eddie dies again. Seriously, not cool.
– Punk and his SES come out to address the crowd while Punk remains under a towel for the big reveal. Ok, time to eat crow dude. Ha ha!!! That’s awesome! Punk reveals he is wearing a lucha libre mask (black with SES over the bridge of the nose). Screw Ted Dibiase, that’s priceless!
I couldn’t find a picture of it, so I’ll just remind everybody why certain wrestlers should STAY masked. Right Rey?
– I love how he looks sad in that picture, likely as he agrees with me.
– Kane is out to battle CM Punk Mysterio. I’m loving this angle! We’ve seen the head shaving being hidden before in a hilarious way (see Kurt Angle’s wig), but this is so appropriately unique, it might be the best of all time. Discuss.
– This match is alright, not great, to start. However, we do get some good psychology as Punk works Kane’s left knee. He also plays the outside count out well. Submission leg move continues to sell bringing the big man down. That, my smarks, is how to tell a story… even if it’s a TV match up.
Al Creed of RAW REFLECTIONS over at Project Wonderboy fills me in on this saddening news:
I lied, one more 1970’s television reference… RIP Gary Coleman.
– Although I was somewhat distracted during this… it was turned out to be a pretty good match. Yes, Kane was actually in it too… seriously. Punk picked up the win.
– Fucking weird how I started this review with the seventies theme, and somehow it was interconnected to one of the era’s biggest stars passing away.
– Next up is our Christian/Hornswoggle versus Chavo/Ziggler match. It’s pretty lame at anytime Christian is not in the ring. Chavo attempts a frogsplash only to miss and allowing Christian to land a Kill-Switch for the win! Post match Dolph puts his sleeper hold throwback on Christian, and it’s lights out for the Canadian.
JJ Walker@ G: “You’re a dick, G.”
G@ JJ Walker: How’s the rehab going?
– Josh Matthews interviews McCool and Layla who both hold the WWE Women’s championship in a bastardization of the Freebird rule. This is so retarded. They try to explain that since the win was a handi-cap match, therefore that means that two titles now exist. Wow, way to take something that had very little value left in it in the first place and kill… it… dead. Good job WWE! Way to destroy the legacy of the women who gave so much over the years! Stupid.
– MVP is set to face Luke Gallows in a “Time Killer Match.” Not sure what the point of this is. Let’s find out as I suffer through this. Damn I wish Gallows would relapse at least one time when the bell rings… It’s pretty much a paint-by-the-numbers match up, with the only notable aspect being the mystery SES member coming out from under the ring and costing MVP the match, and allowing Gallows to pick up the win. I’m still pulling for the mystery guy to be Darren Young of NXT at this point. Who else could it be that would make any sense? It sure ain’t Hornswoggle…
Under the bed, in the closet, whatever… it sure ain’t Marty Wright either way…
– The Undertaker versus Rey Mysterio is our main event. It’s a fatal fourway match to decide who faces Jack Swagger at the June PPV. Taker takes his sweet time down to the ring, eating up valuable match time as if he is under contract with TNA. I’m not excited about this match at all. In fact, I’ll be surprised if it is even worth watching… At least Mysterio hits a nice 360 splash onto the Undertaker before we hit the last commercial break of the evening!
– Matt Striker tries to tell us that the Undertaker is moving faster and better than ever before. Mmm-hmm…. no.
Merit Badge awarded.
– Taker ultimately plays the typical giant in the Mysterio small guy formula. This match was not much more… until the finish. After Take dominates forever, Rey gets his face pop. Just when it looks like he is in control, Rey goes for a 180 springboard splash, only to be caught in midair by the Undertaker. He immediately tombstones Rey and grabs the pin. That was cool… but…
– The WWE logo comes up, and I’m out. Later.
Random Morphine Reference:
Project Wonderboy Appreciation Week continues until Sunday. Smiley Face!
G might be the mastermind behind this project… maybe. Could be a clone version though…
My brother in arms, ThinkSoJoE kicks ass and takes names with the band ThinkSoBrain:
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