[King Leonidas voice/] This is “Smackdown!” Chavo Guerrero no longer works here.

General Manager Theodore R. Long kicks off tonight’s shindig. Long addresses the controversy surrounding the ending of the Christian/Randy Orton World title match. Specifically, he shows the video of Christian’s foot clearly being under the rope while the referee counted to three. Christian joins the party, demanding another title shot due to referee incompetence. Long apologizes to the WWE Universe, and says that the ref’s decision stands. What? Why should it? Long tells Christian that he can earn one final title shot against Orton if he wins a match tonight. Against Kane. More arguing.

Drowgoddess Thought (DGT): This story has gotten backwards. If Christian is the heel, and he keeps losing title matches against Orton due to controversial match endings, and his claims of “being screwed” are clearly justified, nobody is going to shell out money to buy a pay-per-view match to see it happen again. A more compelling story, with more incentive for fans to buy a ppv, would be the babyface challenger getting repeatedly cheated out of the title through questionable match endings, and being forced to chase the heel champion for the title and overcome more and more unfair obstacles to get his well-deserved title match. Long came off as rather heelish tonight in terms of actions, and Christian is rapidly becoming more sympathetic than Orton.

Sin Cara defeats Ted DiBiase: This was the best match that these guys have had. DiBiase looked strong, and Sin Cara looked smoother and more comfortable than he has to date. The expected run-ins from Cody Rhodes and Daniel Bryan never happened, which was quite refreshing. More of this, please.

To the ring! Cody Rhodes and his baggers enter. Rhodes criticizes DiBiase’s match performance, and berates Hersehy, Pennsylvania, for producing more chocolate than anywhere else in the world, and thus making people fat, acne-ridden, and hideous. As the baggers pass out their goods to the audience, Daniel Bryan appears. Yay! Bryan apologizes for interrupting, and says that he’s sick to death of this. Cody ought to know that a cup doesn’t belong on his face, it belongs in his tights. Zing! Bryan goes on to tell Rhodes that looks aren’t everything. Rhodes responds that “That sounds like something that an ugly person would say.” This was fantastic if you heard the delivery. Bryan directs attention to the Titan Tron, where a picture of Dusty Rhodes in all of his polka-dotted glory awaits. Huge crowd reaction to this. Bryan says that Dusty wasn’t ever the best looking guy in the world, but he was inspiring, charismatic, and everything that Rhodes is not. Burn! Bryan calls Rhodes a bitter, arrogant jerk who knows that he will never live up to the standards of his father, and takes it out on the rest of the world. Rhodes is silent. Daniel Bryan should talk more.

Cody Rhodes defeates Daniel Bryan: This match was the best of the night, and got a full ten minutes. More of this, please. Watch it if you can find it, it’s absolutely worth your time. The ending seemed odd, and may have involved a botch. Rhodes hit Bryan with a springboard dropkick, and Bryan fell back awkwardly and got a leg caught in the ropes. The ref had to threaten to disqualify Rhodes in order to make him back off while the ref released Bryan. Just as Bryan starts to stand, Rhodes hits the Beautiful Disaster and the Cross Rhodes for the three-count. The paper bag over Bryan’s head follows.

DGT: During this match, Booker T said that Rhodes had to obey the referee’s order to back off because if Rhodes got disqualified, he’d lose out on the winner’s purse, and that winners of matches make more money than the losers. This would be great to point out, if it were a consistent and company-wide policy. It isn’t.

Johnny Curtis segment. It involves ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard. Yes, really. Vince refuses to push Zach Ryder, and we’ve had this garbage on tv for three weeks?

To the backstage Matt Striker interview! Striker asks the Big Show about recent events with Mark Henry. Show says that Henry was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that he had asked Henry not to get in the ring. Striker asks if Show hasn’t brought this on himself by beating Henry so soundly that he had to be stretchered out, and that now a fire had been lit under Henry. Show says that Henry will need it. Mark Henry attacks Show and leaves him laying in a tangle of metal pipes and fabric. He orders everyone to stay away from Show and not help him.

Ezekiel Jackson defeats Wade Barrett (Intercontinental title match): Yawn. This was both bad and boring. Remember when the IC title was on the #2 guy in the whole company, and often on the best actual wrestler? Big Zeke wins with a Torture Rack that doesn’t look like it hurts at all.

DGT: The champion should never enter first, especially not during a title match.

To the backstage promo! Randy Orton says that he laughs when he thinks about Christian getting another title match. If Christian does get another shot, Orton guarantees another victory.

DGT: Gee, thanks a lot, Super Cena. You’ve just killed and drama over a rematch.

To the back! Wade Barrett crosses paths with Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater. The former Corre members talk trash to one another.

Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater defeat Jimmy and Jey Uso: Yes, but the match was really good. The Usos dominated much of the match, and looked very strong. Great shout-out moment by Jimmy when he did a much faster and less silly-looking Rikishi butt-bump to the face of Slater. Nice! Jey and Gabriel ended up on the outside, while Jimmy took too long in setting up for a Superfly-style top rope splash. Slater gets his knees up, and rolls up Jimmy. Boo, Slater gets the pin.

DGT: The Usos have my favorite entrance in all of wrestling now. They did a full haka, for which I am a complete sucker. I love watching it at football games, soccer games, and so on. Their entrance music has a very tribal drum beat at the beginning now, and the usual hip-hop music kicks in at the end of the haka. Nine levels of awesome! Please tell me that both the music and the haka are going to be a regular part of their entrance from now on!

To the ring! Yoshi Tatsu was already there, with no televised entrance. Poor Yoshi. We know where this is going. Jinder Mahal (with the Great Khali) enters, and proceeds to beat the daylights out of Tatsu without waiting for the bell. The referee repeats, in an unintentionally hilarious way, that he hasn’t rung the bell yet. There is no match. “Um, have you seen my stapler?” After destroying Tatsu, the Indian Alberto Del Rio addresses the audience. This is just another example of what one of the most powerful and privileged men in the world is capable of doing. He never had to strive to be the best, he was born to be the best. Khali has been reborn, and now lives only to serve. Nothing will stop the eastern winds from blowing throughout the WWE Universe.

DGT: I really want to like Jinder Mahal. He has a good look, powerful intensity, and a definite charisma about him. His in-ring work seems weaker than his persona, and his finisher isn’t much of a finisher. He really shouldn’t be such a copy of Alberto Del Rio, though.

Kane defeats Christian (by DQ when Mark Henry interferes): This match was much better than I had anticipated, in every way. Christian did more with his ring entrance and the first part of the match to make fighting Kane look like the most terrifying thing in the world than anyone has done in a long time. Reversals and kickouts galore. Both guys looked very good. Kane hits Christian with a top rope clothesline, and goes for a choke slam. Mark Henry runs in, and attacks Kane with a stiff clothesline of his own, and the World’s Strongest Splash. When Kane is ruled the winner by DQ, Christian gets in Henry’s face for costing him his title shot. Henry responds with a “you did NOT just touch me” step forward, and Christian backs off before helping Henry throw Kane to the floor.

Cue Theodore R. Long. Christian immediately points at Henry, and it’s second grade all over again. Hey, it was funny! Long agrees that Henry’s interference was not Christian’s fault. Christian can still earn his title shot against Orton if the team of Christian and Mark Henry beat the team of Kane and… Randy Orton.

Mark Henry and Christian defeat Kane and Randy Orton: Two good matches in a row? With the same people involved? Who knew? Orton wasn’t in this match much, which is a good thing if his concussion is real. Another very solid, back-and-forth match, with all four guys looking good. At one point, Kane tries to slam Henry, but Henry shifts his (considerable) weight and falls on Kane in a pinning predicament. Nice! Later, Orton and Henry are the legal men. Orton tries to RKO Henry, but Christian slides in and attempts a Killswitch on Orton. Orton easily fights out, and hits Christian with a powerslam and a DDT. A recovered Henry goes for a World’s Strongest Slam on Orton, who wriggles out and tries to RKO Henry. Henry shoves Orton into Christian, who gets RKOd instead. Henry hits Orton with the World’s Strongest Slam and gets the three-count. As Christian recovers, he cheers for this.

DGT: Look, Mark Henry can never be RKOd. The man has no neck! Teddy Long never specified that Christian had to get the winning pin, only that his team had to win, so this victory earns Christian another title shot at Orton. In addition, Kane got some pretty physical retribution against Mark Henry for last week’s doings, and Henry got a pin on the current World champion. Everybody got something. Except for Orton, who bores me to death, so I don’t care.


On a final note, the audio for this show was really strange. The ring was miked in such a way that we could hear everything that was said, by referees and wrestlers alike, very loudly. Ringside fans were likewise far too audible. The entire show was like that, and I am quite surprised that a taped show would be aired like that. Oh, well.


Peace out,




  1. The epic screwing of Christian continues but now he is the heel in a very boring feud where he will more than likely continue to lose. It just makes me proud to know that Vince pays people to write this. As far as Yoshi Tatsu is concerned it would make sense for him to be the one to topple the arrogant heel, Mahal setting up a good back and forth feud but again that is me thinking too much for my own good. I may need to look into that. But loved the commentary DG and I hope that Smackdown actually gets better before another lackluster pay per view.

  2. The DGT idea is great. This needs to be a trademark, it's a cohesive way to distinguish between what happens, and the editorial on it. Wish I could be less fragmented myself… but it never works for me. Insert animated gif and "turrible" comment here.

    Backwards is the way to describe the story for the Christian/Orton show. As long as the matches continue to deliver, I will try and forget how askew the booking has become. Kind of like Tom Petty, it seems that Vince won't back down… fuck. Let's hope this rolls into Summerslam if nothing else happens. Orton will likely win the whole way through. His beard has magical powers, or so I'm told.

    While polarized at amongst this IWC thing that Lance Storm questions even exists (which in itself is a poke at the obvious retarded 10%'er argument… cough cough…Eric Bischoff…cough), I've enjoyed Sin Cara. But I love the flippy-floppy shit. And if the WWE fucked up their online voting system and want to give us Bourne/Cara on RAW… sign me up.

    Rhodes/Danielson was the best match of the night, agreed!! I missed the idea Booker T mentioned about the loss/win effect on the purse. A page out of boxing and MMA. They should continue this idea, DG. Good call!

    I also enjoyed the Uso's adapting their entrance towards their cultural heritage. This was very cool, and it completely caught me off guard when it happened. My main concern is the lack of a tagteam division to work this into, because they don't seem to have one in the WWE. I wish they had started with this gimmick at the start and just skipped the Santino/Tamina crap altogether.

    "Look, Mark Henry can never be RKOd. The man has no neck!"
    True! The Kool-Aid Man of Pure Evil has no neck either, just a jug with a handle. Speaking of handle, give the man a manager. The manager could take the RKO. May I suggest Estrada? He's back, ha ha!

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