Smackdown: 6/4/10. Who does Kane think he is? HHH?
By G · · Leave a CommentSmackdown
What’s up PW/BWF IWC brother dude brothers? It’s suffering time! Without much further ado…
– We’re told that during the Memorial weekend, the Undertaker was found by Kane in a vegetative state. Hence, he’s hurt and will be off TV for some time. He broke his orbital bone…. not a good thing to sustain. Thanks Teddy Long!… and away we go!
– Holy Jebus! The monks come down a la Undertaker entrance with a coffin. Ominous music plays, then Kane makes his way down as well… enters the ring, and stands by a podium as the druids open the coffin which is revealed to be empty. It’s basically a eulogy. Kane tells us his brother will no longer walk amongst us… well for now. I’m not sold.
– It’s the mystery attack storyline that they’ll play out I’m sure. I’m thinking it was Rikishi who was driving that car.
Rikishi@ Kane: “My bad.”
– “My brother will rise from the dead no more,” continues Kane as he promises to find those responsible for this. “THERE WILL BE VENGENCE!” screams Kane. Actually, he delivers a fucking great promo here, folks! Then smashes the hell out of the podium… and goes into the classic Taker kneeling pose while breaking into grief struck weeping… That may have one Kane’s best ever speaking segments. Commercials ensue.
– It’s nice to see Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan reunite in the Karate Kid remake. Why is Chan teaching him Kung-fu when it’s called the KARATE kid. Stupid.
– MVP versus Jack Swagger is our first match of the night. We start off a little slow with Swagger attempting a submission, or something. Not sure what that was supposed to be. MVP breaks it up and the action picks up…. briefly, then back into a rest hold. Damn, the match has barely started! Not much happens as we roll to commercials again…
-And the answer is:
What is: was that entertaining, Alex?
– We get shown a bunch of action clips of what happened during the commercials, and return to more rest holds. This is upsetting… MVP eats a nice looking big boot from Swagger after he breaks the hold… I’m sorry, but I can’t focus on this match, it’s too slow and plodding. WAY TOO MANY SUBMISSION HOLDS. It continues to this way until MVP finally gains momentum, and hits his balling “elbow drop,” but it’s not enough. Misses a Fisherman’s underhook pin as well… Swagger grabs a lame rollup for the win. Meh.
– Curt Hawkins and Vance Archer attack MVP post match since they have a week or so left in their 30 day contract requiring them to make an impact. Mission failed. A two on one on a beaten up MVP? Vickie confronts Long and points out a replacement for Taker in the Fatal Fourway PPV… and while she suggests Dolph Ziggler, Long suggests something better… a battle royale for the spot. I love the clustershmoz… sweet!
Actually, if you google search clustershmoz, you’ll notice I pretty much OWN that word. Thank you very much.
– Wow, one third into our show… and we get a NXT recap. I’d tell you what happened, but it doesn’t air in Canada until 3AM… I hate spoilers. FFW!
– Backstage, we see CM Punk donning his Mysterio mask as Kane grabs him. He demands to know if Punk or his SES crew were involved in taking out the Undertaker… Punk, of course, did not. Too early in the storyline, right?
– Hot Diggity. Yeah I said that… I’m a redneck inbred wrestling fan, see… for those not familiar with Calgary culture. Hot Diggity indeed, as we get an Intercontinental Championship match between Drew McIntyre and Kofi Kingston who hails from Ghana… well at least this week. This shouldn’t suck as bad as Swagger versus MVP.
– It starts off with a quick burst of action and some back and forth between the two men. Everything slows to a halt as McIntyre takes control… but he is distracted by Matt Hardy (suspended for his attacks on Vince’s favorite IC champ) bearing a ticket and doing the whole audience member deal… ads… FFW… Drew is in control, unleashing a nice and viscous beating on the former Jamaican, the whole time keeping his eye on Matt Hardy. I’m loving Kofi’s ability to flip all over the place, launching crazy looking kicks and whatnot. Kofi lands a fantastic cross body splash, but it’s not enough to take out the big Scotsman. Drew returns the favour with a sick looking reverse knee neck breaker. Kofi reverses a suplex and does the “boom boom” face buildup… misses Trouble in Paradise and then loses momentum missing a crossbody to the outside of the ring. McIntyre slaps Hardy at ringside to the face! As security prevents Hardy from entering, Kofi utilizes the opportunity to pin Drew! Nice… Then Hardy sneaks in, hits the Twist of Fate and bails out of the arena. CRIMINAL ASSAULT CHARGES ALL AROUND! That match was fun.
Not as much fun as this… but close. Foreshadowing? Later in this post? Possibly just before a Diva’s match?
– Rey and Kane have a bit backstage where Rey comes to pay his respects, but Kane won’t have it pointing out Taker and him just fought last week… Rey is like fuck this noise, and throws his hands up and backs away… We come back to Jack Swagger doing one of his accomplishment bits where he sings Boomer Sooner over that schools anthem, which of course makes Jim Ross vomit at home… unsigned, while a poor man’s replacement for him still has a job on RAW. Kane also shows up behind Swagger questioning his innocence… commercials.
– Eva Mendez versus Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly Kelly in an “I Don’t Care Match.” Layla and McCool are at the top of the ramp watching. Kelly Kelly wins, the dual Diva champions look upset… I guess. Yawn… moving on.
– Big Show is playing cards with Hornswoggle as Kane bursts in and demands answers from Kane. Show looks him in the eye and tells him he’s not the culprit. Kane leaves, kicking over the table of cards while Show looks all sad-like. Soap opera comparisons? Yep.
Kane is having trouble playing the board game Clue. It should be pretty obvious who killed your brother.
– Hells yeah, it’s the Battle Royale for the PPV spot! Don’t even think I’m going to try and follow every elimination. No chance that’s going to happen. I’m no play by play guy… I’ll let you know if I thought it ruled or sucked though, as per usual. Rey Mysterio makes his way out, followed by Dolph Ziggler… logically we cut away for advertisements as the ring fills up….
– Our last entrant is Kane. So therefore, with tonight’s theme, you should expect him to win. Notable, is that Finlay is in the ring, although the dirt sheets claim he is supposedly done on camera. Guess you smarks fucked that up, huh?
– A nice moment includes Mysterio going after Punk at ringside trying to remove Punk’s mask. Gallows goes to defend his messiah, and breaks up the fun. Since the wrestling gods hate me, they cut to commercials during what started as chaotic goodness…
Bastards…
– Grishham tells us every single member of the SD roster is involved here. Bullshit, where’s the midget? Where’s the Divas? Where are the guys ALREADY involved in the PPV match? LIES! People are getting eliminated all over. Notable, McIntyre is eliminated by Mysterio. Finlay is still in there… Come on Fit! Spoke too late, as Ziggler slaps the sleeper hold on him. Christian saves Finlay, but then attacks him. So Finlay eliminates Christian! Commercials with our so-called “old” Irishman standing strong… I dunno, like 10 guys left as I FFW the hell out of some more ads.
– Mysterio eliminates Chavo in a classic bit of Lucha action, then Finlay attempts to take out Rey only to sell an incredible looking DDT. I’m starting to think Fit is getting a chance to prove to Vince he still can go… Vance Archer and Curt Hawkins get some time, but one by one everyone is getting eliminated. HOLY SHIT, Luke Gallows is still in it! Finlay gets tossed… leaving Gallows, Kane, and Mysterio as our finalists. Kane almost gets eliminated, but manages to take out both Gallows and the mystery SES member who enters (and exits) out of nowhere. Then there was two….
– The two exchange dominance, finishing move teasers abound! It’s not that bad, actually… Mysterio finally hits a 619, Westcoast Pop! NO! Caught mid-air into a chokeslam, but even THAT gets reversed as Mysterio scissor-kicks Kane right out of the ring and wins… so the obvious did not occur, and thus: I am happy with this ending. I don’t care that I didn’t predict this, that makes it less fun. Kudos, WWE, kudos.
– WWE logo comes up, and I’m out.
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Random Morphine Reference:
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– I did another TNA iMPACT review yesterday, and when I can, I love to jump into the BWF forums while I watch. This is the ONLY time I don’t rape the FFW button for all it is worth because I enjoy the banter that goes on there. Last night, I found a way to get babyhammered, ban-hammered from the forums because the automatic security bots thought I was a bot/spammer. I got back in shortly thereafter. Thus, here’s: TNA IMPACT: JUNE 3, 2010 – MY TNA REVIEW STYLE GOT ME BANNED FROM BWF SOMEHOW!!!
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Shameless Plugs!
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Project Wonderboy
Morphine Nation
G might be the mastermind behind this project… maybe. Could be a clone version though…
LarG Productions
My brother in arms, ThinkSoJoE kicks ass and takes names with the band ThinkSoBrain:
Thinksobrain
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