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We’re still rolling here on the Road to WrestleMania!  Will ShoMiz respond to getting rolled over by John Morrison and R-Truth on Monday?  Will Chris Jericho continue to be rolled over by Edge when the number one contender to Jericho’s title is the guest on the Highlight Reel?  Will I continue to try to work the word “roll” into every sentence?

Let it roll, let it roll, Friday Night SmackDown is unstoppable, and it’s starting now!

Episode #551:  “A Reel Return”

Anybody else happen to notice a certain Superstar from Parts Unknown replaced a certain guy who decided that he didn’t want to stay retired in the opening bumper on WWE programming?

Rey Mysterio kicks off the show, and he’s not alone, his family is with him.  Dominick is taller than he is now.  Hell, Aalyah is almost taller than he is, and she’s nine.  I know this, because the reason the Mysterios are here is because it’s her birthday.  Rey even admits Dominick is taller than him when he introduces us to him.  He introduces us to his wife Angie and Aalyah as well.  Mysterio says that WWE Superstars miss out on important events in their kids lives.  Tonight is Aalyah’s 9th birthday.  Oh yeah, I said that already.  I beat you to it Rey.  That’s because I watched this earlier.  The fans chant “Happy Birthday” to Rey’s daughter, effectively embarrassing her on national television.  Rey wants us to make this day a night she’ll always remember.  That’s what he said, I’m just quoting him.  He starts singing Happy Birthday to her (hey, WWE has to pay royalties on that, y’know!), when CM Punk and the Straight Edge Society come to save us from Mysterio’s terrible singing.

Punk tells Mysterio not to stop on account of him.  Hell, Punk finishes the song, much to the chagrin of Aalyah, who has now had two WWE Superstars sing “Happy Birthday” to her on national television and has to go back to school on Monday.  Punk says we need to celebrate, and by celebrate, he means that he wants to challenge Mysterio to a match at WrestleMania.  He also challenges him to a match tonight.  Not later though, right now.  Mysterio says it’s not the time.  Punk says since it’s Aalyah’s birthday, she can shut her eyes while she reduces her daddy to tears and makes him beg for mercy.  We’ve watched Dominick grow up before our eyes, so it’s ok if he plugs his ears when Punk stomps mercilessly away on Mysterio’s surgically repaired knees.  Hey Angie, you know that whole “for better or worse” thing?  Yeah, it’s about to be one of those “worse” scenarios, so feel free to cover your mouth when you scream.  What, Mysterio doesn’t want to fight in front of his family?  That makes him a coward.  Punk knows it, Dominick knows it, Angie knows it, and now Aalyah knows it.  Rey’s a coward.  Where’s the giant killer Rey Mysterio at?  Where’s the 619?  Where’s the ultimate underdog?  Where’s Rey’s Machismo?  Punk knows where it is – he never had it.  What will it take for Rey to face Punk?  Punk drops to his knees and says “I’ll even drop to your level.”  Mysterio won’t fight him?  Punk slaps Mysterio.  Rey sends his familia away, and leaves with them.  Punk says “there goes your superhero,” then sings “Happy Birthday” one more time.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are all upset about Punk insulting Mysterio in front of his own family.  Personally, I think it was…

AWESOME!

The Miz makes his way to the ring along with his NXT rookie, Daniel Bryan.  This past Monday, R-Truth and John Morrison beat the crap out of Miz and his partner The Big Show.  Miz wonders if the fans think Morrison and Truth can beat ShoMiz.  Tonight, Show will show Morrison just what Miz can do, and right now, Miz will show Truth what he can do, then at WrestleMania, ShoMiz will show why they’re the dominant tag team in WWE.

What’s up!

Truth is here with his NXT rookie, Jennifer Hudson’s fiancee David Otunga, who is bobbing his head to Truth’s music, finally showing a bit of personality during his entrance.

R-Truth def. The Miz

The bell sounds weird tonight.  The pitch is a little lower than usual.  The action spills to the outside pretty quickly, and it sends us to a…

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Miz is in control when we return, but Truth manages to fight back as Otunga nods in approval.  Matt Striker discusses how a lot of teams have one guy go on to glory and one fade into obscurity, and says that there are no Barber Shop windows in either The Miz or John Morrison’s careers – “and if you get that reference, good for you.”  Miz and Truth battle back and forth, trading near falls.  Miz tries to pin Truth with his feet on the ropes, but Bryan pushes Miz’s feet down from the outside.  In his frustration, Miz turns around and walks right into the Lie Detector, giving Truth the victory.

Still to come, the return of the Highlight Reel, with special guest, Edge!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Video: Superstars talk about The Undertaker and Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania.  Hell, I took the night off of work for that one.

We get a rundown of the WrestleMania XXVI card.  Kinda early in the show for that, isn’t it?

Drew McIntyre is walking backstage when he’s stopped by Teddy Long.  Long tells him he was defeated in both of his Money In The Bank qualifying matches, only to have Mr. McMahon wipe out both losses from the record.  Tonight, he’ll get another opportunity to qualify against an opponent hand picked by Mr. McMahon.  Long says that he can’t change the match, but he can make it a Winner Take All match – the winner goes on to the Money In The Bank match and leaves with the Intercontinental Championship.  That match is NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Still To Come: Kane takes on Luke Gallows.

Tradition be damned, the Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre and his awesome new entrance are out first for this one.  He must have one hell of a surprise opponent tonight.  Before we get to that, we’re treated to videos of things that never happened – Drew McIntyre losing to Kane and then Matt Hardy.  McIntyre’s opponent is a former three time Washington State wrestling champion and a Mixed Martial Arts Champion.  His name is Aaron Bolo, and he’s got the opportunity of a lifetime – a shot at the WWE Intercontinental Championship and qualify for the Money In The Bank Ladder Match.

Drew McIntyre def. Aaron Bolo to retain the Intercontinental Championship and qualify for the Money In The Bank Ladder Match

Why bother writing.  It’s over already – McIntyre hit the FutureShock and picked up the victory.  Drew McIntyre is going to WrestleMania!

The Big Show is draped in gold and doesn’t have an NXT rookie to cost him his match, which is NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

The World’s Largest Athlete, The Big Show, is one half of the WWE Unified Tag Team Champions, and he’s hoping to stay that way come March 28th at WrestleMania.  His opponent tonight moves really slowly on the way to the ring – but really quickly inside of it, and his name is John Morrison.

The Big Show def. John Morrison

JoMo starts off on the offense, but that wasn’t exactly the best strategy as Show shoulderblocks Morrison to the ground.  Show just dominates here, trash talking the whole time.  I want you to do yourself a favor.  I want you to slap yourself across the chest as hard as you can.  It hurts, right?  Now imagine that it was a 500+ pound giant slapping you across the chest as hard as he can.  Yeah.  Morrison felt that a few times here.  Morrison somehow starts to fight back, using his quickness and some well placed strikes to stagger The Big Show.  He goes for a springboard maneuver, but Big Show catches him with a right hand to the face coming in, and pins Morrison for the win.

Still to come: Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel with special guest, Edge!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Backstage, Teddy Long is hanging out with Tiffany when Vickie Guerrero comes in and blames her for ECW being canceled.  Long says she’s not here to take Vickie’s job – yet.  She’s here to compete with the SmackDown Divas.  Vickie thinks that’s hilarious.  Tiffany might as well go get her gear on, because tonight she’ll be facing the WWE Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool.

The Hart Dynasty are so far down the card right now that they don’t even get an entrance, yet for some reason, the Homeboy Shopping Network, better known as Cryme Tyme do.

The Hart Dynasty vs. Cryme Tyme

Kidd and JTG kick things off, and Kidd goes after JTG’s leg, chopping it out from under JTG, then ramming it into the ring post a few times.  Kidd locks in a single leg crab when suddenly…

Gong…. The lights go out… Gong… They come back on and The Undertaker is in the ring.  He destroys all four men in the ring – Shad with a chokeslam, Kidd with a Last Ride, Smith with a tombstone, and JTG with the Hell’s Gate – then points up at the WrestleMania sign, clearly sending a message to Shawn Michaels.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

RAW Rebound: Mr. McMahon beat John Cena.  We won’t go into details, all you need to know is Mr. McMahon pinned John Cena.  You want details, there’s a RAW review elsewhere on the site.  I don’t write these things for my health, y’know!

Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are happy to be in Seattle, but they’d be happier if they were wherever RAW is going to be this Monday, because they’re marking out over Steve Austin guest hosting a WrestleMania Rewind night.

Michelle McCool is accompanied to the ring by Layla and, in a conflict of interest, the official consultant to SmackDown’s General Manager, Vickie Guerrero.  Michelle seems bored as Tiffany makes her entrance.

Tiffany def. Michelle McCool via Disqualification

This one degrades into a brawl very quickly.  The action spills to the outside with Tiffany kicking the Women’s Champion’s ass until Vickie Guerrero charges into her, earning Michelle the disqualification.

Michelle continues the attack after the match, but it doesn’t last long – Beth Phoenix arrives and cleans house.  She gets her hands on Vickie Guerrero, then feigns playing nice.  She clotheslines the Official Consultant to the ground, but before she could do any more damage Michelle and Layla manage to pull Vickie out.  Beth helps Tiffany up and raises her hand in victory.

The Big Red Monster is walking in a Big Red Hallway backstage – he’ll face Luke Gallows, NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Luke Gallows is accompanied by the Straight Edge Society as we relive CM Punk punking out Rey Mysterio earlier in the night.  Kane (which, if your right hand is just a key to the right of the home row will be typed as “lame” by pure coincidence) hits the ring and we’re set for action between Kane and the former Fake Kane.

Kane def. Luke Gallows via disqualification

The transformation of Drew Hankinson from Festus to Luke Gallows is amazing.  Hell, if they didn’t come out and say that he used to be Festus, a lot of us would still be wondering “whatever happened to Festus?”

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Gallows, who was sent to regroup on the outside before the break, is firmly in control.  Well, he was – then he got kicked in the face.  Kane starts to roll, but Gallows stops his momentum as Kane goes for a chokeslam.  When Kane finally hits the chokeslam, Punk runs in and attacks him, causing our second straight disqualification of the night.

Punk hits the Go 2 Sleep, then Rey Mysterio’s music hits.  Mysterio walks slowly to the ring, then catches Punk, and the two brawl into the crowd.  Referees allow Punk to get some separation, and he bails to the back.

Up Next: Chris Jericho’s Highlight Reel with special guest, Edge!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

The Highlight Reel set looks different.  It looks like the Cutting Edge set with the addition of the obscenely expensive JeriTron 3000 HD.  Jericho doesn’t even get a chance to introduce him, Edge comes to the ring right after Jericho gets there.  The fans chant “Spear, spear.”  Jericho asks Edge if something’s funny.  Edge says the only highlight Jericho has been a part of lately is that Edge keeps hitting him with this move, but he can’t quite remember the name of it.  The crowd helps him out.  Jericho says Edge has the sheep cheering for him, but that’s fantasy and Jericho only deals in reality.  Jericho always tells the truth, and the truth is that Jericho and Edge could’ve been one of the greatest tag teams in history if Edge didn’t selfishly get hurt.  That’s the story of Edge’s career.  When Jericho was stealing the show with Shawn Michaels in Seattle at WrestleMania XIX (hey, I was there!), Edge was at home with an injury, and the year after that, Edge missed WrestleMania again.  How much time has Edge missed due to injury?  Does Edge have any idea what Jericho was doing while Edge was at home licking his wounds?  Edge says he was losing.  WrestleMania XIX?  Lost to Shawn Michaels.  WrestleMania XX?  Lost to Christian.  Jericho says he was forging a Hall of Fame career as the greatest performer of his generation, and he was doing it injury free.  Edge wants to know Jericho’s point?  Sure, Edge has been injured, but that’s because he only knows how to do this job one way – he takes risks.  At WrestleMania he’s dived off of 20 ft ladders and jumped face first into flaming tables.  Edge takes risks, that’s what he does.  He doesn’t have any regrets.  At WrestleMania, he’ll take whatever risk he needs to take to get back his World Heavyweight Championship.  Jericho says Edge took a risk agreeing to face him at WrestleMania.  Bad things happen to Edge when Jericho is in the ring and Edge is nothing more than a fraud.  The best he’d ever done is when he was with Vickie Guerrero.  Edge says everybody has that girlfriend that they regret having.  For Edge it’s Vickie Guerrero, for Jericho, it’s The Big Show.  Edge takes calculated risks, and at WrestleMania, he’ll take the risks and beat Jericho for the World Heavyweight Championship.  Jericho reiterates that bad things happen to Edge when he’s around.  Jericho doesn’t believe that Edge is 100% healed yet, and at WrestleMania, he’ll not only beat Edge, he’ll hurt him.  Edge says that he’s going to do something at WrestleMania too.  He’s going to make Jericho an ex World Heavyweight Champion, and he’ll do it by hitting Jericho with a spear.  Jericho hits Edge with the microphone and then one of the stools in the Highlight Reel set.  Jericho tries to toss Edge into the JeriTron like he did to Shawn Michaels a few years back, but Edge shoves Jericho off, then hits the Edgecution.  He sets up for another spear, but Jericho finally avoids it, cracking Edge in the skull with the World Heavyweight Championship.  He stands over his fallen challenger and starts chanting “Spear, spear, spear.”

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