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Episode #530:  “SmackDown and Dirty”

This week’s WWE SmackDown is dedicated to the memory of Captain Lou Albano.

We kick off with the terrible new SmackDown theme song that is probably only used as a thinly veiled shot at TNA with the line “Do you really want to Cross The Line.”  Todd Grisham welcomes us to the University of Kentucky, where he’s hanging out at ringside with… Michael Cole!  Vintage SmackDown!  Tonight, it’s Batista vs. Rey Mysterio, and the return of The Dirt Sheet!

You know it’s the Mack Militant…

Teddy Long is in the house, and he’s excited about Bragging Rights next Sunday.  In the SmackDown vs. RAW main event at the PPV, he would like to ensure that SmackDown would be the dominant brand.  He introduces us to the captain of Team SmackDown, Chris Jericho.  Jericho heads down to the ring, and he says that Teddy Long has finally put aside prejudice and politics and made the right decision in naming him the captain of Team SmackDown.  As the face of this show, he needs to address the possibility of John Cena returning.  When Orton beats Cena, Cena will no longer be allowed to compete for the WWE Championship and will be banished from RAW, which means he’ll want to come back to SmackDown, but things have changed since Cena left, because Jericho is the man around here now.  Nobody has been more successful or dominant in the 10 year history of SmackDown, and if Cena wants to return, he’s got to go through Jericho.  Jericho is the cornerstone of SmackDown and the best in the world at what he does.  He’s the reason all of the parasites in the crowd are there tonight.  As the captain of Team SmackDown, it’s his responsibility to put together a team that will allow him to lead them to the promised land.  They’ll beat team RAW, who’s captains have written this “piece of Flotsam and Jetsam (referring to DX’s new book),” Degeneration X.  You know what Jericho thinks of DX?  He begins tearing pages out of the new DX book.  He says that’s what he’s going to do to DX at Bragging Rights.  He’ll open our eyes and we’ll truly see…

KABOOM!

Kane’s pyro goes off, and the Big Red Monster says that he and Jericho need to talk.  He’s been listening to Jericho’s every word, and he’s here to tell him that he’s now the co-captain of the SmackDown Seven.  Jericho says of course he is, he was thinking the same thing.  He was just going to announce that because the combination of Kane’s strength and Jericho’s intelligence means that the RAW team doesn’t stand a chance.  Kane says the book, DX, and all of Team RAW can go up in flames.

Still to come, Batista takes on Rey Mysterio.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

The following contest is a Triple-Threat Bragging Rights Qualifying Match scheduled for one fall.  Chris Jericho is apparently in charge of all of these qualifying matches.  This one pits Finlay vs. Mike Knox vs. Dolph Ziggler.

Dolph Ziggler def. Mike Knox & Finlay in a Triple Threat Match

SmackDown has the best matches on all of television.  That’s through all three WWE brands and TNA.  In the end here, Finlay and Knox both went for cross-bodies, Finlay with Shillelagh in hand.  Finlay goes for a cover, but Ziggler pulls him out and covers Knox to pick up the victory!

So far, the main event for Bragging Rights is DX, The Big Show, Mark Henry, Jack Swagger, Kofi Kingston, and Cody Rhodes vs. Chris Jericho, Kane, and Dolph Ziggler.

Still to come, The Dirt Sheet returns!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

In the following tag team match, the winning team will both qualify for Team Smackdown.

Cryme Tyme def. The Hart Dynasty

You know what I don’t get?  Why they bothered to bring the Hart Dynasty up to SmackDown.  They put on great matches and all, but it seems like they’re stuck wrestling Cryme Tyme every week.  At this point, I think they’d be better off being the big fishes in the small pond of ECW.  It doesn’t help these guys that the Unified Tag Team Champions are also heels.  Speaking of which, why are Jericho and The Big Show never on ECW?  That’s a thought for another time though, as JTG picks up the victory by hitting Tyson Kidd with the Thugnificence after the distraction from Shad.

So the match at Bragging Rights is now DX, Big Show, Henry, Swagger, Kingston, and Rhodes takin on Jericho, Kane, Ziggler, and Cryme Tyme.

Still to come, Batista takes on Rey Mysterio

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Chris Jericho is talking to Michelle McCool backstage when Teddy Long comes in.  Jericho tells her that Bragging Rights is important.  If SmackDown wins twice out of the three matches, they’ll prove their the dominant brand.  He says he can’t count on Morrison to beat The Miz, but he wants to know if he can count on Michelle.  She says she makes history and can beat any diva in any kind of match at any time.  Mickie James walks in, excited that she was excited to be chosen to be traded to SmackDown.  Mickie says that if Chris is looking for somebody to beat the RAW Divas, he should pick somebody who’s already beaten every Diva on RAW.  Michelle excuses herself but runs into Beth Phoenix, who tells her she shouldn’t count on hanging onto her title for long with The Glamazon around.

Mr. McMahon is on his cell phone when CM Punk shows up.  Punk isn’t thrilled about the fatal four way.  Mr. McMahon isn’t either.  Punk says McMahon should do something about it.  McMahon says he liked the idea Punk had last week for a Breaking Point rematch.  Punk asks if that means the four way is off.  McMahon says it’s not.  Instead, Punk vs. Undertaker in a submission match with referee Scott Armstrong as the official and Teddy Long at ringside – right here on SmackDown next week!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

WrestleMania tickets go on sale in 22 days!

The following is a Bragging Rights qualifying match, but first, here’s Vickie Guerrero, who is booed like crazy and doing her “Excuse Me” gimmick.  She introduces, making his SmackDown debut, her new boyfriend, Eric Escobar.  His opponent tonight is from Cameron, North Carolina and wearing the ugliest purple tights this side of Men on a Mission, Matt Hardy!

Eric Escobar def. Matt Hardy

Escobar looked pretty good here, virtually dominating Matt Hardy.  In the end, however, it was a distraction of the referee by Vickie Guerrero that allowed Escobar to slam Hardy shoulder first and roll him up – hooking Matt’s Barney the Dinosaur inspired tights – for the pinfall victory.

The Bragging Rights main event is now DX, Show, Henry, Swagger, Kingston and Rhodes vs. Kane, Jericho, Cryme Tyme, Ziggler, and Escobar.

Up next, it’s the return of The Dirt Sheet!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

In a world full of winners and losers, two men have risen above to bring you The Dirt Sheet.  The United States Champion The Miz is introduced first, followed by SmackDown’s Intercontinental Champion John Morrison.  The st is split in two – one half is red (where The Miz is sitting) and one side is blue (where Morrison is sitting).  Morrison says he’ll prove why being the Intercontinental Champion is better than – hey wait a minute – The Miz has a championship!  Is that real?  Or did he get it on WWEShop.com.  The Miz is your United States Champion.  Not only will we determine which brand is superior, we’ll find out who was the superior member of the greatest tag team of the 21st Century.   They say that throughout history, great teams have split up with one member going on to greatness and the other fading into obscurity.  Like, Mork and Mindy – you know, Robin Williams and whathername.  Bill and Ted – Ted was in The Matrix, Bill was in the unemployment line.  Wayne and Garth, Regis and Kathy Lee, and of course, The Rockers.  When they broke up, Shawn Michaels went on to become Shawn Michaels!  Marty Jannetty went on to be Marty Jannetty (wah wah wah.)  At Bragging Rights, Miz says he’ll prove he’s the Shawn Michaels and Morrison will be the Marty Jannetty.  Morrison says that Jannetty never had cool merch like he’s got.  Miz says there can’t be two Jannetty’s so in default, Morrison is the Jannetty.  Jannetty says that there can be two Jannetty’s – Marty Jannetty and Mizzy Jannetty.  They then argue about The Miz’s dating life.  Morrison says the only thing Miz has done is conformed.  He had the courage to dress like a loser.  But now he’s some strange mixture of Michael Phelps, Mr. Ed, Pink, and Big Dick Johnson.  And when you put all that together, you get The Miz.  Miz laughs it off.  He says he’s got great hair, the women love his pearly whites, and he looks good in trunks.  Morrison says he looks husky.  Morrison says Miz isn’t fat, he’s husky.  The crowd agrees.  Miz says they’re just jealous of his amazing body.  At Bragging Rights, there will be no debate – he’ll prove he’s better than Morrison.  Morrison says prove it now.  Miz says he won’t do that in this second rate city in this second rate state on this second rate show, he’ll do it on the PPV.  Morrison asks if Miz really thinks that SmackDown is the second rate show?  RAW is nothing more than a cheap imitation of Saturday Night Live.  So if you want to tune in to see the amazing star power of Al Sharpton or Nancy O’Dell, go ahead.  Who’s hosting next week, Big Bird?  If you want action, entertainment, and the Friday Night Delight, you tune in to Friday Night SmackDown.  These people are tired of the boring Miz.  Miz says he’s the most entertaining and charismatic superstar in the WWE.  He’s the reason people watch RAW.  He’s the reason people are watching tonight.  He carried Morrison for two years, because he’s The Miz, and he’s Awesome!  Morrison says he’s the Miz and all he does is run his mouth.  Talk is cheap.  This is SmackDown, not RAW.  He won’t let Miz sit around and talk about what he’s gonna do.  He dares Miz to take a shot at him.  Miz takes off his jacket.  Miz decides that discretion is the better part of valor and leaves.  Morrison says “see you at Bragging Rights, Jannetty.”  Both men hold up their respective titles.

Still to come, Rey Mysterio takes on Batista.

Video package: The feud between Drew McIntyre and R-Truth.

Truth is walking backstage, and he’ll face Drew McIntyre one on one, NEXT! in a Bragging Rights qualifying match.

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Later tonight, The Undertaker has a message for CM Punk.

It’s time to find out who the final member of Team SmackDown will be!  WHAT’S UP!  R-Truth raps his way down the aisle.  I guess they’re letting him backstage again, since he didn’t come out of the crowd.  Drew McIntyre makes his way out to the ring, and we’re ready for action!

Drew McIntyre def. R-Truth

Here’s what I want to know.  Why isn’t ECW upset that RAW and SmackDown are having a PPV to determine the dominant brand in the WWE and barely mentioning them?  Anyways, McIntyre works over Truth’s back throughout the match, eventually sweeping his leg out from under him while he was standing on the steel steps on the outside.  Truth couldn’t make the 10 count, and McIntyre wins by countout!

So the Bragging Rights main event is DX, Show, Henry, Swagger, Kingston, and Rhodes vs. Jericho, Kane, Cryme Tyme, Escobar, Ziggler, and now McIntyre.

Rey Mysterio and Batista are backstage, and Batista isn’t thrilled about having to face his brother ReyRey tonight.  Mysterio says it’s cool, and come Bragging Rights, it’s all about the title.  Mysterio asks Batista to take it easy on him tonight.

We’ll hear from The Undertaker, NEXT!

<COMMERCIAL BREAK>

Video Package: Randy Orton and John Cena’s rivalry leading to their Iron Man Match at Bragging Rights.

Rundown of the Bragging Rights card

Video Package: The feud between CM Punk and The Undertaker.

Undertaker says that history has a way of repeating itself, but not in his yard.  Punk, Armstrong, and Long have decided to tempt fate and wrest the holy grail from death’s grip.  Once you enter Hell’s gates, there’s no turning back.  At Bragging Rights, he’ll take Punk’s soul, and in one week’s time, he’ll give Punk his last rights.

Rey Mysterio is out first for tonight’s main event.  Batista’s music starts, and I start to doze off a little.  Then his pyro goes off, and I wake up again.  Then the bell rings.  Here we go!

Rey Mysterio def. Batista

It starts off as a friendly match – until Mysterio goes for a 619 and seemingly lights a fire under the Animal.  Batista takes control and physically dominates – though he’s hesitant to do so.  Mysterio starts to use his speed to mount a comeback, and hits a 619, but when he goes for the West Coast Pop, Batista catches him and goes for a Batista Bomb, but Mysterio reverses it into a Hurricanrana pin attempt – which leads to the pinfall victory for Rey Mysterio!

Following the match, Batista complains that his shoulder was up, which Michael Cole agrees with, but Batista still hugs Mysterio and raises his hand.  Batista applauds Mysterio’s victory from the top of the ramp, and CM Punk rushes in and drops Mysterio with the GTS before bailing through the crowd.  Batista runs him off and helps Mysterio to his feet.

Next week, CM Punk vs. The Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship with Scott Armstrong as the referee and Teddy Long at ringside in a submission match.

My thoughts: Another solid episode of SmackDown.  Even the Batista/Mysterio match was pretty good.  I just wish I was more awake through it.  I’m a bit surprised at the team that’s representing SmackDown, but I probably shouldn’t be.  That’s it for me guys, stay tuned for Random Randomness from JT this Sunday and Bound For Glory coverage all weekend!

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