Well, I managed to avoid social media this week. No spoilers. My wife did give an “oh shit!” to something she saw on the show while I was on the phone with her, but she didn’t tell me what it is. So genuine surprises for me this week! WooHoo!
Wow, they let Roman Reigns cut a promo on his own for once – and it wasn’t half bad. And that brawl with Kane? It’s always fun to see Fit Finlay, Jamie Noble, Mike Rotunda, Dean Malenko, and Joey Mercury get tossed around a bit too.
The Wyatt Family beat the Usos! Too bad it was a non-title match. Again.
WWE Network has a 90% satisfaction rate? That’s not what I’ve been hearing. That said, I’ll throw my approval their way. Haven’t had any problems since that first couple weeks.
Isn’t the point of having one hand tied behind your back in a match to be handicap? What’s the point of both Nikki Bella and Alicia Fox having their arms tied behind their backs? The obvious setup, of course. The fans chant bullshit. Or maybe boring. I can’t tell. Thick French-Canadian accents in Montreal.
You know, if you’re trying to get Rusev over as a heel in Canada, shouldn’t you have him face a Canadian, and not Rob Van Dam? FFW! Rusev Wins. Fatality.
Sign in the crowd for Randy Orton vs. Dean Ambrose: “TANGO INDIA TANGO TANGO YANKEE.” Brilliant. They’re really letting Titty Master Moxley have a good showing against Ortbot. Orton picks up the win, but credit where it’s due – what a match! Let’s put it this way. I write this stream of consciousness on Monday Night RAW so you don’t have to watch – but this… this is worth finding and watching.
Years ago at a local show called Ballpark Brawl, this dude was wearing a Mötley Crüe t-shirt that said “Girls, Girls, Girls,” and some guy yells “YOUR SHIRT SAYS ‘GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS,’ BUT YOU LIKE GUYS, GUYS, GUYS!” I think of that every time I see Fandango’s pants with the world “Girls” written all over them. And he’s only on commentary. Ziggler vs. Del Rio is the match in the ring. “Fandango is the Fonz of the WWE. Hey.” Del Rio wins off the distraction from Arthur Fandangorelli.
Cody Rhodes’ embracing of the Stardust character is just amazing.
Can’t have a show in Montreal without referencing Jerry Lawler’s heart attack or the 1997 Survivor Series. So let’s have Lawler introduce Bret Hart. I knew somebody would interrupt Bret – I wasn’t expecting Damien Sandow dressed as Bret Hart (or Bret Sandhart, as he called himself). Though I probably should have been. Hart decks Sandow and knocks him out of the ring. Which in my opinion gives Sheamus an unfair advantage in his match with Sandow. Which he, of course, wins.
Dammit, I missed the preview of “Monday Night Wars” on WWE Network. D’oh! Also, I’m bummed that the October 1989 episode of Saturday Night’s Main Event is not on there yet either. I want to watch Mr. Perfect destroy the WWF Championship.
Instead, I’ll watch Jericho vs. The Miz. Jericho appears to be bleeding from somewhere near the ear. Can’t get a good look at it though. I can’t really tell how bad it is. But it’s irrelevant I guess, since Jericho picked up the win with the Walls of Jericho. Jericho should know better than to think he’ll get a clean shot at Bray Wyatt without Rowan and Harper standing in his way.
Two Diva matches on one show? And this one is a tag team match – so that means six Divas wrestling on one show. It’s the Funkadactyls against… Paige and AJ? So this is a question of which team breaks up first. Cameron, who was completely disinterested in this match, tags herself in and gets a Paige Turner for her trouble – and the loss. Joey Styles isn’t on commentary for the brawl that breaks out between Cameron and Naomi to yell “CAT FIGHT! CAT FIGHT!”
Cesaro’s five languages come in handy when he’s in Montreal. I have no idea what he said in French, but I guess it doesn’t matter since they speak Quebecois in Montreal anyway. And Cesaro loses to Kofi Kingston again. Big E saves Kofi from the beatdown. Why is Cesaro jobbing to this jobber-to-the-stars?
Bo Dallas vs. Diego of Los Matadores. Now where have I seen this before? Oh, that’s right. This past Friday on SmackDown. Oh wait. He’s wrestling El Torito. Bo wins, of course. You know, I’d like to see a match between Los Matadores & El Torito against Bull Dempsey or whatever the dude’s name is in NXT. They’re bullfighters, right?
I FFW through the main event (John Cena vs. Seth Rollins) to see Kane and Orton attack Cena. The predictable ending of Cena getting knocked out only to have the WWE World Heavyweight Championship saved from a cash-in by Dean Ambrose happens again. Then Super Cena hits an AA on Orton, and gets saved from Kane by a Roman Reigns spear. The end.
Not a bad episode of RAW, IMO. I think the “oh shit!” from my wife was AJ being Paige’s partner. Ambrose/Orton is worth watching. Now to see if I can’t find me a copy of the Monday Night War preview. See you all Sunday for BWF Radio!
Once again, stream of consciousness on WWE RAW by ThinkSoJoE.
Triple H making fun of John Cena’s hip hop past: priceless. John Cena getting the cover of WWE 2K15? Worthless. Hopefully they’ll do a fan art cover again this year too so I don’t have to look at Cena every time I want to pop in the game.
I left the room before the Seth Rollins/Rob Van Dam match to get ready for work – and when I came back I knew who Rollins was facing simply because Hartford was chanting ECW. Rollins called Renee Young “Toots.” Who uses that word anymore?
Let me let you guys in to the mind of ThinkSoJoe. I’m fully anticipating a feud down the line between Rusev and Adam Rose, where two of the Rosebuds are dressed as a moose and a squirrel, and Lana and Rusev kidnap them, just to give the inevitable “Moose and Squirrel” promo that these two make me think of every time they open their mouths.
Did I just see a Jack Swagger face turn? ZEB COLTER WITH THE ROCKY & BULLWINKLE REFERENCE! “Let’s go Swagger?!?” Holy shit, this is the most relevant the former World Heavyweight Champion has ever been – and he sends Rusev packing! WE THE PEOPLE!
By the way, who called the Usos retaining at Money In The Bank on BWF Radio 132? Oh that’s right. I DID! As much as I hated to do so. The Wyatt Family defeat The Usos and Sheamus.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but the Bo Dallas experiment is actually working this time around.
“We actually had a 666Casino match a few weeks ago between the Divas. Glad you follow the product.” Cole calling JBL out for not following the product. I’d be surprised if ANYBODY in this company follows the product. Credit where it’s due – Naomi has really worked hard at learning how to wrestle. Let’s face it, Trish Stratus didn’t know shit when she started either.
How about that Vacant? He lost the WWE World Heavyweight Championship last night, but he won the Intercontinental Championship tonight! Go Vacant!
Cesaro is Battle Royalty. Gotta love Paul Heyman. Wait a second. A match finished during the commercial break – and it was Kofi Kingston defeating Cesaro?!? Oh well, at least Cesaro beat him down after the match. And how much does Kofi mean to… well… anybody at all? Nobody comes out to save him.
Nobody likes Santino either, since nobody shows up to his party. At least not until Adam Rose brings the alcohol. Because our PG show’s primary demographic are those who can drink Twisted Tea.
Vince Mc-Fuckin-Mahon?!? Holy shit! The boss is here, look busy! Oh wait… it’s Damien Sandow. His VKM impersonation is actually not terrible. Or at least his JT McMahon impersonation. Hey JT, I’d watch it with the Vince McMahon impersonations, Stephanie might sick Khali on you.
Hey Facebook. I know it’s my own damned fault for going on social media before watching the show – but if Chris Jericho wasn’t TRENDING I wouldn’t have seen anything about his return. So thanks for the spoiler, dicks! Wait – the fucking Miz? Wait – he’s in The Marine 4? There was a Marine 3? Who the fuck cares? Oh, nobody does – because The Miz was in THAT one too. You know, if Facebook didn’t fucking SPOIL this for me, I probably would be genuinely excited and surprised to see Y2J interrupt this segment. Though I AM genuinely surprised and excited to see The Wyatts interrupt! Actually, didn’t Jericho have some interaction with the Wyatts on NXT?
Wow. Ziggler won two matches in the span of three weeks? Of course, he can thank Summer Rae for coming in and making out with him for this one.
“We’ve had some RAW so far, and it ain’t even close to being over.” Don’t remind me, Jerry.
RybAxel. Let me guess. They’re facing Goldust and Stardust? Oh hey, I was right. Imagine that. I saw this match last night. Except Axel isn’t wearing the singlet this time. Oh look, Goldust and Stardust won. Imagine that.
The Diva’s Champ is here! Paige says she’s here to stay. But she’s interrupted by AJ Lee! Holy shit! AJ congratulates Paige, who’s not buying it. Paige says AJ’s not getting her rematch right now. Basically we’re getting the tables turned from the night after WrestleMania. Wait. Why am I doing play by play? And of course, we inevitably get the match. AJ gets the rollup – and we’ve got a new Diva’s Champion! Guess Paige was just keeping the belt warm for her while she took her hiatus. Also, I guess this puts to rest the “AJ’s pregnant” rumors, huh?
I really don’t give a shit about this main event. FFW! Let’s go ahead and end RAW with Triple H and Kane standing over a fallen John Cena. At least it’s not one of OUR guys for once. OH SHIT! Triple H calls for Seth Rollins! True to his word though, Dean Ambrose stops Rollins! And Reigns takes out Kane, because we can’t end the show with Super Cena unconscious at the feet of The Authority.
Chris from Booker Tees joins us to give his Money In The Bank predictions along with the rest of the panel. We also talk the week in wrestling including ROH’s Best In The World PPV. In the news, we find out where Josh Mathews wound up after being released from WWE. We find out where Brad Maddox has been. We hear who may or may not be involved with TNA at the NYC tapings. Vickie Guerrero for the Hall of Fame? Mick Foley uses his iPhone. All this and much more!
Ricky Steamboat enters to face “Macho Man” Randy Savage at WrestleMania III in “30 Years of WrestleMania” mode
2K Games has posted the entire list of 45 matches in the new “30 Years of WrestleMania” mode for WWE 2K14 on their website. The full list is below, but be sure to check out the listing on 2K’s site for screenshots of each match!
What’s this? WWE made another video game? Does it look like the last one? Well.. yeah, probably. You know, slight tweaks and the shizz, but it’s bascially the same thing. However, instead of arenas from the ‘Attitude Era’, WWE 2K14 is based around WrestleMania, as 2014 will celebrate WrestleMania 30, with 29 WrestleMania arenas that apparently look ‘exactly’ like their real-life counterpart.
Does that mean when Triple H comes out in the WrestleMania 21 arena, Lemmy will forget the words to his theme music?
Damien Sandow! Randall Keith Orton? The fuck? It’s all part of the plan folks. Trust me. I never lie in my Smackdown reviews. Well maybe half the time.
Tonight we have a night of firsts, Chris Jericho makes his first appearance on the program, Christian also makes his first appearance on the program and The Teddy Long Flow Chart also makes it’s appearance (I think) so here are the results: (more…)
Oh shit. Am I doing this again? It’s I, ThinkSoJoE, filling in for RYTMAN while he takes care of some family issues, and on behalf of all of us at BoredWrestlingFan, I wish him and his family well. But after the last two weeks of RAW, I’m not exactly thrilled with actually having to watch the show. Especially since I saw the first 30 minutes and it’s already made me decide to not order WWE Payback. Screw it, let’s go.
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, avoid spoilers like (and from) the plague, and then watch the entire show when I get here. That’s how ThinkSoJoE’s RAW reviews work. Also, I play by my own rules. Screw you, SmackDown review!
After a brief recap of last week’s program, we go right to the ring with Jerry Lawler welcoming us to a dance-off. Jerry introduces FAHN…
No, I’m not doing it.
We get a look at Fandango’s win over Jericho at Wrestlemania, as Jerry introduces Fandango. Summer Rae is out first, shaking her money-maker, and she leads out Fandango.
Next is Jericho out with Edyta Sliwinska, a former “Dancing with the Stars” cast member and a multi-time champion ballroom dancer.
Jerry explains both teams get 90 seconds to do a routine, and the winners will be decided by an audience vote. Jerry reminds the crowd that this is NOT a popularity contest, and they should vote based on who the best dancer is.
Jerry tries to bring up Fandango losing a dance-off to Khali last week. Fandango calls Khali insulting names and refuses to acknowledge the loss.
“As long as there’s a Chris Jericho, there will be a better man. And his name is FAN-DAN-GOOOO!” #Fandangoing #DanceOff #RAW
Jericho gets the mike and welcomes us to “RAW IS JERICHO!” Jericho reminds us he was the first ever musical chairs champion, and the first ever “Price is Raw” champion. Tonight, he will debut a new song about kicking Fan-DUNG-HOLE’s ass all over this ring.
Jerry gets this started and cues the music. Fandango and summer just stand there doing nothing; (might be the theme of the evening.) Fandango demand silence from the crowd – (Damien Sandow: Hey! That’s MY gimmick.) (Rytman: Damn-it Sandow, get out of my recap! You have a match tonight!) – So he can focus on his masterpiece. Fandango starts over but Miss Summer takes a spill and hurts her ankle. Fandango gets nasty and calls her useless. Edyta and Jericho check to see if the poor girl needs help and here’s where we go to set-ups 101.
Wrestler A and Wrestler B are having a special contest to promote their match.
Wrestler A’s girlfriend falls and might be hurt.
Wrestler B tries to help her.
What does Wrestler “A” do?
a.) Realize he’s being a jerk and decide to help.
b.) Re-evaluate his life decisions.
c.) Run up behind Wrestler B and kick him in the face.
If you picked “c,” you’ve been paying attention for the last twenty years.
Jericho has not.
Fandango kicks Jeri-B in the face and brutalizes him for a few minutes. As Fandango prepares to leave, he looks at the lovely Miss Summer. Miss Summer gives us a nasty little smile and joins Fandango for a quick twirl, revealing she was in on the scheme.
Rytman Remark: Summer’s slip was less than convincing; however I did get fished in by Fandango berating her. I expected this would be WWE writing Miss Summer out of the angle, so she could re-debut as her own character, while getting Fandango some extra heat.
Side Note: I have to keep calling her “Miss Summer” because my dod-gamn word program doesn’t understand “Summer” can be a girl’s name.
After the break, we get a recap of Ryback attacking WWE Champ John Cena last week, after Cena and Bryan fought off the Shield.
RYBACK DEF. ZACK RYDER – Straight up jobbing-out of Ryder by Ryback who rides the rails and rips up ribs on rye-bread. He hits the Shell-shock for 1-2-3.
After the match, we get a recap of when Brock Lesnar broke the arm of Hunter Hearst Helmsly (Triple H) on RAW.
PRIME TIME PLAYERS (TITIS O’NEAL/DARREN YOUNG) DEF. TONS OF FUNK (BRODUS CLAY/“SWEET T” W/THE FUNKADACTYLS – Whole match is barely five moves. Sweet T takes Young over the top rope w/a clothesline. O’Neal gets in a cheap shot. Sweet T side-steps O’Neal into the ring post (and it looked ugly,) and tags in Brodus. Brodus is dominating O’Neal until Young gets in a shot to the throat…with the fro-pick.
Rytman Remark: This is either brilliant or racist. I can’t decide.
After the match, we get a recap of when Brock Lesnar broke the arm of Hunter Hearst Helmsly (Triple H) on RAW.
We take a look at last Friday’s Smackdown where Jack Swagger kicked World Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler in the head, giving him a concussion and taking him out of Extreme Rules this Sunday.
Teddy Long is wearing a Tupperware suit and has come out to make an announcement regarding the Ziggler situation. Jack Swagger and Zeb Coulter come out to demand Ziggler be stripped of the title, and have it awarded to Jack Swagger. A.J. is out w/Big E. Langston to demand Swagger be suspended.
“First you kick my boyfriend in his beautiful face, then you try to take his title? Classic Swags.” – @WWEAJLee #RAW
Rytman Remark: “Classic Swags,” must become a thing. Do it.
Do it!
DOOOOOOO EEEEEEEEEEET!
Everyone yells at each other until Teddy steps in. Apparently RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Guerrero has given Smackdown Senior Advisor Teddy Long the authority to change the three-way ladder match at “Extreme Rules” to an “I Quit” match between Swagger and Alberto Del Rio.
Ziggler will NOT be stripped of the title.
Also, the WWE Universe will have the opportunity to decide if Big E. will face either Swagger OR Del Rio later tonight, one-on-one, using the WWE App.
Mark Henry calls out Sheamus after the break.
We take a look back at the Shield getting a win over Kofi Kingston and the Uso-brothers in a six-man tag. On the basis of this, Kofi will defend the U.S. title at Extreme Rules against Dean Ambrose.
WWE U.S. CHAMPION KOFI KINGSTON DEF. DAMIEN SANDOW – Sandow comes out refusing to do a song this week because Kofi’s theme is just as ridiculous as Kofi being U.S. Champion. Sandow predicts that Kofi will soon lose the title. During the match, the announce team mention that Kofi collects comic-books and is a huge fan of Spider-Man and Venom. Kofi wins this w/”Trouble in Paradise.”
Rytman Remark: I’m assuming no-one’s told Kofi about “One More Day” yet.
Mark Henry is in the ring w/Josh Mathews and a leather strap, being interviewed about his match w/Sheamus at Extreme Rules. We take a look back at John Bradshaw Layfield fighting Eddie Guerrero in a strap-match at “The Great American Bash” for reference. (I KNOW IT WAS A BULL-ROPE MATCH, NAG THEM ABOUT IT.) We look back at Henry whipping Sheamus and pulling trucks in the weeks building up to this. Henry scares Josh into putting one end of the strap on his wrist, and then takes him down. Henry drags Josh around the ring to demonstrate how a strap match works, basically dragging your opponent around the ring while tagging each corner. Henry lets Josh go, (he’s too small, gotta throw him back,) while the announce team laughs at him.
Be A Star, kids.
Sheamus comes out. Henry challenges him to get in the ring. Sheamus remembers something, a strap hidden under the ring. Sheamus gets in the ring and the two enemies commence whipping each other until Henry high-tails out of there.
We get a re-cap of that one time where Lesnar F-5’d Vince McMahon.
Apparently, there’s going to be a “12 Rounds, part 2.”
Yeah
We get a re-cap of the ambush by Fandango on Jericho earlier tonight.
RANDY ORTON DEF. ANTONIO CESARO – The announce team spends most of this match hard selling the WWE App. Match goes back/forth until Cesaro tries a roll-up. Orton kicks out, and wins this w/the RKO. I’ve given this match twice as much attention as the announce team did.
MIZ DEF. HEATH SLATER (W/DREW MCINTYRE/JINDER MAHAL) – Slater is almost straight-up jobbed out here. Near the end, Miz tosses Slater off the top rope into his “band-mates.” Slater sells a bad leg. Miz goes after it and wins w/the figure four submission.
Rytman Remark: THE MIZ IS BACK.
…
…
…
Whoop
We then get a spot for the Susan G. Komen foundation, featuring Layla and Alicia Fox in a walk-a-thon for breast cancer, (as in raising money for treatment, not as in supporting cancer.)
We get a recap of Hunter rescuing Vince from, and the beating-up of, Brock Lesnar.
Later tonight, Brock will face Hunter in a face-off.
ELIMINATION MATCH: WWE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION JOHN CENA/TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS TEAM HELL NO (KANE/BRYAN) DEF. THE SHIELD…by dq. – Just as this gets underway, we’re told Team Hell No will defend the Tag team titles against the Shield in a Tornado Tag match at Extreme Rules.
Team “Hell No Cena” starts off strong as we go to a break…
When we come back, The Shield has control and Bryan is the “face in peril.” Bryan gets an opening with a high-running knee and tags in Kane.
Kane brutalizes the Shield, striking left and right. The match spills out side and Kane is still in charge. Kane rips the top off the commentary table and tosses it into the face of a Shield member. (Cock Talk, Sunday @ 4 p.m. after BWF radio @ 2 p.m. – 1 p.m. in some areas. If you’ve had a p.m. in your area, you know how rough it can be.)
Kane is eliminated by DQ.
After the break, Cena is the “face in peril,” trying to get to Bryan. Cena finally gets a hot-tag and Bryan explodes all over the Shield. (Cock Talk, @ 4 p.m. Sundays, after BWF Radio @ 2 p.m.) Unfortunately, Bryan misses a tag by Rollins to Ambrose. Bryan goes after Rollins, hits Ambrose w/the forearm, and takes a jump-kick from Rollins. Ambrose hits the short-bulldog.
Bryan is eliminated by pin.
Cena is “last man standing” for his team. He eliminates Rollins w/the AA. Reigns gets himself eliminated by DQ when he shoves the ref, and Cena is about to AA Ambrose when the whole Shield jumps him three-on-one. Cena gets the DQ win for his team.
Guess who attacks Cena after the match w/a chair to the bad ankle?
…
…
…
Ryback, why would anyone else?
As we go to break, we get a re-cap of Hunter beating Lesnar at Mania.
We come back to Matt Striker interviewing Ryback backstage. Ryback tried to play by the rules, but all it got him was screwed (Cock Talk, @ 4 p.m. Sundays, after BWF Radio @ 2 p.m.) out of the title. This Sunday, he plays by his own rules.
#Ryback Rules
We get a recap of last week, when Swagger went off on everyone w/a ladder.
Big E. is out w/A.J. as we’re shown Swagger taking Ziggler out of Extreme Rules w/a kick to the head, causing a concussion.
The WWE Universe uses the App to pick Jack Swagger as Big E’s opponent.
Rytman Remark: Enjoy the mid-card Alberto.
JACK SWAGGER DEF. BIG E. LANGSTON BY COUNT OUT – I’m just now realizing Swagger has almost two feet on Big E.
Match is basically a power contest w/the two big men trading strikes and throwing each other around. Swagger wins by side-stepping a charging Big E. into the guard-rail and getting in the ring before the ten-count.
After the match, Alberto Del Rio runs out to get some of Swagger (Cock Talk, @ 4 p.m. Sundays, after BWF Radio @ 2 p.m.) but gets caught in the ankle-lock. Ricardo Rodriguez whacks Swagger w/the bucket, distracting him. Big E. comes in and everyone goes after everyone, but ADR is the one standing when it’s all over.
A.J. DEF. NATALYA (W/KAHLI/HORNSWOGGLE) –
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
THIS PHKING MATCH!
PHUKING BELLAS!
PHUKING KAITLIN!
PHKING COLE!
AHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
Look, the match was okay. AJ basically ran from Natalya until she started teasing Kaitlin, who joined the Bellas as guest commentators, and then Natalya sent her hard to the floor. Natalya goes for a back-breaker, but AJ hooks a “tarantula” variation called “The Black Widow,” and gets the submission. (Nice touch, tapping out on AJ’s butt by the way; very nice touch… or Bad Touch, depending on your perspective.) But my GOD! The commentary just collapsed into a mess of blabbering and dumb jokes about the Munster family or whatever. I’d get something more coherent out of a chicken being violated by a blender!
Side Note: You hear about a hostage situation at WWE HQ this month, you’ll know why.
I have to wrap this up…
Jericho came out to swear revenge on Fandango.
Triple H came out, stood in the cage, and called out Brock.
Triple H basically called him a “bitch,” and demanded he act like a man. Lesnar made his way to the cage despite Paul Heymans best efforts to stop him. They fight for a minute, then Trips throws Brock out of the cage. Brock grabs Heyman and they limp off.
RYTMAN’S REVIEW: It sucked. The end.
Now on a personal note, I’m afraid this is most likely my last RAW post, at least for the time being.
I have too many demands on my time right now w/family issues, and RAW just isn’t a priority anymore.
Side Note: WWE could say the same.
I’m very sorry to do this to Joe and whoever gets stuck w/RAW in my absence. I will continue to support Bored Wrestling Fan.com in any way possible.
