TNA Impact 5/12/13
Leave a CommentI think I’ve actually worked out how to do a review now. It only took five years.
I think I’ve actually worked out how to do a review now. It only took five years.
Impact opens with the World Champion Austin Aries coming down to the ring with his hurt right arm. He hits the ring and talks up the injury and how it would have effected him if he had been right handed but he’s a southpaw and ready to fight the leader of the Ace’s and Eights. Hogan and Sting hit the stage and Hulk reasserts his presence as TNA GM. He says if Aces’ and Eights are ready for a bloodbath then they can have one tonight. The Ace’s and eights ominiously appear on screen and tell the three men that they do what they want when they want.
Good Segment with Aries being dominant. And showing we have a fighting champion. Hogan coming back also helps set up the re-emergance of a power GM ready to make war on the faction. Best storyline all summer.
ODB is in the back trying to contact EY about her fried chicken and thier relationship which will be through if he doesn’t call her back.
A stipulation has been added that the leader of the BFG Board will have his pick of opponent at the semi finals at No Surrender. So we have the match between two of the final four in James STorm vs RVD,
After a good match which turned a monkey flip into a Last Call super kick. Storm is the winner and remains leader. Christie Hemme interviews the Cowboy who is deadset on getting that championship.
Madison Rayne comes out thinking she is getting a rematch with Brooke Tessmacher, when out comes ODB who crushes Rayne in seconds. Then Eric Young strolls in with a suit, sunglasses and ODB’s fried chicken and Beer. Ole D doesn’t recognize her man until he strips and she jumps into his arms.
AJ talks up his match with Samoa Joe. Which then leads into the Gut Check judges evaluating Kris Lewie. Then segways into Daniels and Kaz walking in on Hulk Hogan and Sting who show no love to the World Tag Team CHampions of the World, telling them that they’re laying down the law. The champs will fight and Hulk will tell them where and when.
Samoa Joe and AJ have there match which is another example of good psychology and just a wonderful match that leads to a Samoa Joe win. Positioning him in the top four alongside Ray, Storm, RVD. And I was floored when that happened. TNA shocking the masses.
Kurt Angle talks up his match with Hardy. And thankfully Kris Lewie was not considered for Gut check. And Joey Ryan makes his return throwing water at Al Snow causing everyone to restrain Snow. Joseph Park offers his legal services to Hulkster and the Stinger to investigate the Ace’s and Eights. Hulk agrees.
Yes Joseph Park is back in the mix. Who is pulling the strings?
Kurt Angle vs Jeff Hardy is a done well with Hardy going over after hitting the swanton for the win. Angle is out which leads to the final (five), James Storm, Rob Van Dam, Bully Ray, Jeff Hardy and Samoa Joe. Borash announces next week we will determine the final four excluding Storm since he is the Board Leader.
Aries returned to the ring to get his match. The TNA locker room lead by Hulk Hogan followed for support. The Ace’s and Eight’s approach through the crowd. A big man representing the group steps in to challenge Aries. When Aries started to gain the upper hand the Group descended down on the ring only for the TNA roster to fight back. Just as Aries was going to reveal the big man’s face an unknown man dons a mask and flapjacks Aries unconscious. The show ends with The faces checking on Aries.
Good way to end the show with the heels running the show.
As the snow falls in the midwest. I look upon my computer screen (seeing as how the television decided to crap out on me)and watch an opening of surprise we have a match! The three way between Velvet Sky, Mickie James and Tara is underway as Christie Hemme announces the number 1 contenders. At first as I watched this it looked pretty sloppy, miscommunication and confused looks on faces made me almost facepalm. But eventually it picked up this of course lead to the shocking winner Tara after she spider webs Velvet on top of Mickie and cover James for the win.
Seriously this is the only pic I could find. Not kidding.
We have Mike Tenay go over a brawl that took place earlier that night. Jeff Hardy and Bully Ray start kicking the hell out of each other leading to Roode pulling up in his truck double teaming Hardy, which doesn’t sound as bad as you think. Soon just as Roode/Ray throw Jeff into the back of the truck James Storm runs in to eventually get double teamed that is until the bat of justice from Steve Borden saves the day. Back into the Impact Zone as Sting, Hardy and Storm head down to call out Roode and Ray. Well lets just say another fight ensues where Steve attempts to separate everyone leading to Storm suggesting a tables match. So for your main event we have Storm/Hardy vs Roode/Ray in a tag team tables match.
We have a promo with the returning Alex Shelley, who discusses his match with Zema Ion and his subsequent match should he win against Austin Aries for the X Division title. (Just happy to see a feud with history dating back to pre-Hogan being remembered)
This is when I shake my head as Eric Young mistakes a disfigured black crew member for Sammy Davis Jr. Only for the guy to leave him at the mercy of Winter Love who attempt to seduce him into a crotch shot only for him to be prepared with a cup. More pointless filler to further a feud which can’t really be fought because Spike TV doesn’t allow female on male violence. EY scares the Vampire Lesbians away with his cup sniffing.
X division match is underway with Zema Ion vs Alex Shelley, and lets just say this is what TNA is all about or was. Fast paced action followed by near falls and amazing finishes. Zema Ion attempts a 450 splash only to miss and get sliced bread #2 for a three count. Shelley will advance toward Aries for Against All Odds.
AJ Styles has a promo describing how the business changes people. And he is also getting to the bottom of the Kaz/Daniels pairing. Which of course means nothing will be disclosed.
Eric Bischoff shows up at the gym of his son’s. Brings a camera crew to see what his trainer looks like. After some smug exchanges Garett points off camera to the shock of Eric B. Camera man is ushered out. Here’s hoping it was Eric B’s wife because who allows a man to put her son in the hospital?
Awesome! A mixxed tag match with no actual wrestling!
Lets give a run down
1. EY comes into the ring and proceeds to lock up with Earl Hebner
2. He then instructs Hebner out to the apron to be tagged in
3. Earl is tagged in and EY gets out.
4. EY locks up some more with Earl, Winter attacks, EY strips
5. EY chases Winter and Love around like a pervert
6. ODB tags in, decimates the heels
7. EY’s Hebner baffoonery distracts ref allowing Winter/Love to take control
8. After the heels have some fun,ODB is given liquid courage, popeye stle. EY and ODB do some double airplane spins (RIP Gorilla Monsoon)
9. EY and Winter dizzily exit the ring, as ODB slams Love for the three count.
10.Face Palming insues.
EY and ODB's next business
THen we have a Roode and Ray promo where some foreshadowing is being done. Ray makes some off color comment about Bobby Roode not being the champ for long showing distrust. Both men can’t turn their backs on each other.
We have an overview of the non feud of Magnus/JOE and Crimson/Morgan, I say non feud due to the ass kicking JOE and Magnus have taken in actual matches. They replay the 1 minute match between Crimson and Magnus from last week. Next we JOE vs Morgan.
Well look it here it is a good match with some hard hitting action that actually last longer than a minute. Of course Morgan wins with a running Discus Punch (shades of the Texas Tornado,Kerry Von Erich) for the win.
Afterwards the heels beat down the champs. I have a feeling that JOE/Magnus will win next month and take on the returning MCMG in the future.
AJ is looking for answers and he isn’t getting them. Daniels instead does some more taunting about Styles being a whiner leading to an altercation in which Daniels gets owned. When Kazarian won’t shake Styles hand because you know Daniels has something on him we get a match set up at AAO, Kazarian vs Styles, for all the answers!
I have a theory. Lets go back some months when Daniels turned heel and Kaz went to see him. They agreed to meet. Months go by and all of a sudden Kaz is his slave. Kaz wife Traci months earlier slept with Eric B. for the Knockouts VP position but was denied anyway with Kaz not getting angry. Even in his aborted feud with Jeff Jarrett/Karen where Jarrett called Traci names. I think Traci is Kaz’s beard as it were and he is secretly hiding his sexuality which Daniels must have found out on his trip to Kaz’s ranch.
Just A theory
Anyway. Tag team tables match was a third brawl through most of it leading into some almost table drops on both sides. Eventually James Storm gets Roode in a corner, letting Jeff hit the twist of fate, rolling roode on the table STorm hits an elbow drop for the win. Then after the heels return and beat down the faces putting Hardy through a table.
Here’s to next week when Impact is in England. PNTNR OUT.
Not the Impact Zone!!