Tag Archive: Cobra

  1. RYTMANS RAW REVIEW 08/27/2012



    RYBACK DEF. JACK SWAGGER – Swagger looks strong for about 30 seconds, but winds up just more meat on the plate. The turning point is Swagger landing ugly, face first.

    LAYLA (DIVAS CHAMPION) DEF. NATTIE NIEDHART – Before the match gets going, Vicki comes out to demand this match wrap up quickly so she can make an announcement. She actually spends the whole match on the ring apron, looking bored and rolling her eyes, great way to sell a match. One high spot is Nattie and Layla doing the old Hardy spot where the face (Layla) tries a baseball slide kick, and the heel (Nattie) traps her in the ring apron. Layla ends this with a simple kick to the head. Vick dismisses Layla in a condescending manner and Layla just goes.

    Vicki demands that the board of directors take action against the “mentally unstable” child and put Raw in the hands of an adult, like her. AJ Lee responds by skipping out to the ring, and cracking Vicki in the face. (And the Reason Layla couldn’t do that?) Vicki high-tails it out of there while AJ Lee smiles.

    JOHN CENA DEF. THE MIZ (I-C CHAMPION) – Josh Mathews joins us at ringside. The match is slow, dull, and by the numbers. Miz focuses on striking John in the head/face with strikes and kicks, Cena makes his superman comebacks. The match ends when Cena hits four out of five moves of doom and gets the three.

    SANTINO DEF. HEATH SLATER – Heath Slater gets the upper hand with a cheap shot after an “air guitar” duel, and then goes all out with punching, stomping, knees, and choking. Slater goes up on the ropes, Santino rolls away. Slater goes to the other corner, Santino rolls out again. Slater gets caught in a cradle for a two-count, and Santino takes over. Santino sets the Cobra, but the sax music hits and Aksana is out to distract the cobra. Not Santino, just the cobra. The cobra breaks his trance long enough to strike Slater and Santino gets a three-count, while the cobra stares at Aksana. Yes I did just write that.

    BRODUS CLAY/SIN CARA DEF. DAMIAN SANDOW/CODY RHODES – Sin Cara comes out to NO reaction. Cody takes control by pulling Sin Cara down hard off the ropes. The heels take turns stomping on Sin Cara until he hits the head scissors and makes the tag to Brodus, who squashes Cody until Sandow makes the save. Sandow goes after Cara but goes over and out. Cara hits a flying body-press while Cody goes sternum first into Clay’s cranium. Clay hits the splash and gets a three-count. Match ends in a dance party with the kids at ringside.

    R-TRUTH DEF. DANIEL BRYAN BY COUNT-OUT – The crowd starts in with the “goat-face” chants and Bryan responds with deep breathing. Highlight of the match is Bryan giving “little jimmy” a fist bump. Match ends when Truth tricks Bryan into a round of “dueling crazy” outside the ring. Truth gets the crowd going with the “yes” chant and Bryan gets counted out while going “no” up in some fans’ face.

    SHEAMUS/RANDY ORTON DEF. DOLPH ZIGGLER/ALBERTO DEL RIO – Faces start out strong, but it’s soon Del Rio and Ziggler pounding on Orton. Orton finally tags Sheamus who goes all out on Ziggler. While the ref is distracted, Roberto Rodriguez – Del Rio’s personal announcer – tosses Ziggler his MiTB briefcase. Orton catches him with the chin-lock backbreaker and Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick for the win.

    ZACK RYDER DEF. DAVID OTUNGA – The highlight here is Kane coming out to ringside and Josh Mathews running for his life. Cole gives Kane plenty of room as Kane takes a seat at the table. Otunga actually dominates this match with clubbing forearms and neck-locks, but it ends when Ryder ducks a clothesline and hits the Rough-Ryder for the three-count. Kane rushes the ring and grabs Ryder by the neck, then lets him go. He decides to choke-slam Otunga instead.

    C.M. PUNK DEF. JERRY LAWLER (CAGE MATCH: AS CHOSEN BY WWE UNIVERSE VIA TWITTER POLL) – The brilliance of this match is Punk revisiting Lawler’s feud with Andy Kaufman and playing BOTH roles. As Punk enters the cage, Cole reads his Twitter feed, which has Punk quoting Kaufman’s legendary “New King of Memphis,” promo almost verbatim. Then, in a nod to the king, Punk allows Lawler the first shot. Lawler plays nervous, but eventually lets it go on Punk’s kisser. Punk sells it BIG, even cowering in the corner. However Punk takes control with kicks to Lawler’s shins, backing him into the corner, then he scores a neck-breaker. From then on, the match is mostly Punk bullying Lawler; stomping on him and literally kicking him while he’s down. Punk goes up on the ropes, but Lawler knocks his feet out from under him, and Punk takes a crotch-shot to the turn-buckle. Punk stops Lawler from escaping but Lawler sends Punk face-first into the cage. Lawler takes over with the big right hands and hits his fist-drop for a two count. Punk is bleeding, but stops Lawler from escaping the cage. Punk finishes this with a ROCK-BOTTOM into the Anaconda vice. Lawler taps out.

    After the match, Punk grabs a lock and chain from under the ring and locks himself in w/Lawler and a mike, demanding Lawler call him the best in the world. Lawler refuses, and Punk pummels him with elbow shots. Cena tries to make the save, but can’t get in the cage. He yells for someone to get the cage up. When they finally do, Cena dives for Punk, who heads for higher ground, while Cena checks on Jerry.
    RAW ends with Punk walking out with his belt, and Cena hunched over a battered Lawler.


    The build-up for the main event started with Lawler calling out Punk and demanding an apology for last week. Punk responds by throwing Lawler’s whole career under a bus. From beating up no-names in Memphis, to a slap fight with a comedian, (Kaufman) to losing at Wrestlemania. Punk challenges Lawler to a fight later tonight. Lawler will think about it. A few segments later, Lawler agrees, saying he’s not the best in the world… and neither is Punk.

    We had a series of skits with Bryan in Anger Management classes, building up to his match with R-Truth, that managed to be funnier than you would expect. In the first one, Bryan calmly states his objections to being in these classes, when a small boy in a goat mask walks in. Bryan goes off on the kid, reducing him to tears. The “doctor” running the class explains this was his son, in costume for a school play. The doc tells his son that Bryan is “a very sick man.” Some guy named “Harold” tries to console Bryan.

    “Don’t touch me, Harold.” – Daniel Bryan

    In the second, Bryan responds to Harold whining about his boss with a brief recap of his program with AJ and Kane – who just happens to be the late patient. (Saw THAT coming)

    The last segment has Kane going over (almost) his entire back-story, briefly mentioning Katie Vick even. The shrink sends everyone home assigning them to work on an “anger collage.” Bryan chases him out, berating him the whole time. Harold thanks Kane for sharing, Kane responds by throttling him and snarling “You’re welcome.” Kane made this segment work better than it should have.

    We took a look back at Triple H’s career, leading up to his big promo where he would let us know if he was going to retire or not. He managed to kill over ten minutes without confirming anything, but he was gracious to the fans…

    “Thank you, for letting me, play the game.” – Triple H.


    Is there a reason every other person is working a crazy gimmick? We got R-Truth with “little Jimmy,” Daniel Bryan with anger management issues, Kane…duh, and AJ going nuts anytime someone suggest she’s… going nuts. I’m sorry but this comes off as lazy. You can’t come up with anything else? Is Josh going to go nuts because he doesn’t want wrestlers to attack him? Is Cole going to explain the last year or so of douchey behavior was temporary insanity?

    It seems “crazy” is the default whenever WWE can’t figure out what to do with someone. AJ was supposed to be a “manic pixie dream girl next door.” Apparently that didn’t fly, so she’s crazy. R-Truth was angry about WWE putting no faith in him and tried to imply that they didn’t want a black champion. That hit too close to home, so he went “crazy.” Daniel Bryan wants respect for what he can do in the ring? He must be crazy. Kane…
    Well that worked out, still…

    You know, mental illness is a serious, real problem. Some of the fans out there might have someone in their family who suffers from this. You could potentially alienate a huge percentage of the fan base, or maybe just make a whole lot of casual fans uncomfortable with your product.

  2. Smackdown 03/09/12

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    As the road to WrestleMania continues, tonight John Laurinaitis is taking over control of Smackdown. And with that, we can only expect madness, chaos, and certainly not Drew McIntyre… because he was fired. Or was he? Only time will tell, so let’s hop to it… shall we?

  3. ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts – RAW 2/28/11 edition


    So, as I often do when RAW rolls into Buffalo, I went to last night’s show and planned to write about it afterward, complete with any media that I managed to capture via my camera.  Unfortunately, my computer doesn’t like the memory card I have in there and I cannot find the USB cable at the moment, so we’re going to have to go without it – which absolutely sucks because I have a video on there of Cena trashing The Rock again after the show.

    The dark match last night was Tyson Kidd taking on former NXT rookie Percy Watson.  Surprisingly, Watson picked up the win.  He looked a little different than I remember him, but of course I was in the very last row of the 300 level, so my vision might have been off a bit.

    SPOILER ALERT: If you watch “Superstars” on Thursday and wish to not be spoiled, please skip the next two paragraphs…

    Superstars kicked off with a match between R-Truth and William Regal, in which Truth picked up the victory.

    That was followed by a tag team match pitting Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov (with Tamina) against Zack Ryder and Primo.  Of course you know, Santino pinned Ryder after hitting the Cobra.  Fellow fans on the bus were discussing the effectiveness of The Cobra on the way back home from the show.

    We love Triple H here in Buffalo.  We knew better than to expect The Undertaker, so at least where I was sitting, nobody was terribly upset that he hadn’t shown up.  We were all surprised by the immediate beat-down of Sheamus, who incidentally made his RAW debut in the HSBC Arena.

    We also love Evan Bourne – great to see him back and looking in top form!

    Michael Cole headed down to the ring, and what you guys didn’t see was that the crew came back out to set the announce table back up and Cole actually walked to the back.  Probably to generate a little more heat coming back from the break.  My attempts at starting an “AND I QUOTE” chant were futile.

    Yours truly now owns a New Nexus t-shirt.  I was debating whether to get this one or The Miz’s “Hello, I’m Awesome” t-shirt but ultimately settled for this, as I’m a huge Punk mark.  I think I’m the only one though – it was a decidedly pro-Orton crowd.  Aly didn’t use this one in her review, but I tweeted “Why doesn’t the GM do something?  The damned match was over!” after Orton kicked McGuillicutty in the head.  Guess we won’t be seeing him for a while.

    I absolutely love the fact that people can’t stand The Miz.  This is not “X-Pac heat” he’s getting, this is legit heel heat.  The man is doing his job, and everything he said during his promo about how he’s the WWE Champion and should be the focus of the company, not Cena and The Rock, is absolutely true.  Of course, then John Cena came out and ruined it by making poop and pee jokes – not to mention spewing enough homophobic rhetoric that I’m surprised GLAAD isn’t all over him today.  I’m surprised he didn’t finish up with the old Seinfeld line, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”  Of course, this was all to set up the main event – a cage match between Cena and Alex Riley.  Yes, Alex Riley main evented RAW last night.

    So then we got a Divas Battle Royal.  All of the participants and guest commentator Eve made it to the ring with about 30 seconds left before the commercial break ended.  That’s how much they care about the Divas on RAW.  And of course, the Bellas won with predictable ending number 37: Twin Magic.

    Now, the next segment.  The next segment is going to be the subject of this week’s “A Minute With ThinkSoJoE,”   so I’m only going to touch on it briefly – Screw The Rock.

    At least Shawn Michaels wasn’t publicized to be a part of the show beforehand, and his segment was kept short.  I still say I could’ve stayed home and watched RAW on TV for free instead of paying $70 for two tickets and watching it on TV at the HSBC Arena.

    Daniel Bryan, thanks for coming.  You, Sheamus, and Michael McGuillicutty please enjoy your kayfabe stay at Mercy Hospital here in Buffalo.

    Of course John Cena was going to win that cage match.  You really didn’t think so?  Still, The Miz got the last word in again as he left Cena lying on the floor following another Skull Crushing Finale.  By the way, The Miz sent a twitpic, or whatever you call them these days, during the match.  Here it is:


    @MikeTheMiz Say cheese!

    Cena also tweeted from Miz’s phone during the match.  He sent the same picture with the tweet, Hey cenation, come look how good I look!

    After RAW went off the air, we still got our advertised dark main event – John Cena and Randy Orton vs. The Miz and CM Punk.  The heels took turns wailing away on Cena before Orton got the hot tag and cleaned house.  He hit RKOs on both opponents but Cole refused to count, instead running away.  Another referee came out and Orton and Cena picked up the win, pinning CM Punk.

    Following the match – and this is the important part right here – John Cena had this to say:

    “I got something to say to you.  I got something to say to all ‘yall.  First things first.  Randy Orton, thank you.  Thank you.  After filming RAW television, flying 15 hours to South America to perform four times for sold out shows below the Equator, then flying 15 hours back here to be in Buffalo, New York.  To physically be here to stand here in this ring, thank you.  Thank you, Randy Orton, for showing up.  Now then.  People as far as I can see, totally sold out here in Buffalo.  I’d just like to make a point that it’s not 14,000, it’s 16,700 people here tonight, and a certain individual would know that – if he showed up.  Ladies and gentlemen, I want to end this night with a most important message to all of you:  Thank you.  Thank you all for the same sacrifices Randy Orton made, thank you for making this program what it is, thank you for being excited to see WrestleMania, but most of all, thank you for showing up.”

  4. ThinkSoJoE’s Thoughts: Ride it ’til the wheels fall off


    Welcome once again to the show that never ends, I’m so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside!

    Yes folks, it is I, the patron saint of Bored Wrestling Fans around the world, ThinkSoJoE, back with another ThinkSoJoE’s thoughts.  If you’re wondering about the title of this week’s article, “Ride it ’til the wheels fall off,” which you’ll recognize as a line from R-Truth’s “What’s Up,” I actually literally did just that to my car this week.  Actually, I wasn’t in the car when it happened, and luckily the people who were borrowing my car at the time weren’t hurt.  A lesson for those of you who, like myself, don’t know a damned thing about cars – if you must use a donut spare, it goes on the rear wheels of a front wheel drive vehicle.  Nobody told me that, and three struts broke off of my car and the wheel fell off.

    Anywho, NXT Season 4 started up this week.  Nobody in the United States gives a crap because we don’t get it on television anymore, and I don’t know about any of you, but the web feed on WWE.com is extremely pixelated on my computer.  Rumor going into last week’s announcement of this season’s rookie/pro combinations was that Michael Cole was initially slated to be a pro, but was nixed at the last minute.  So here’s my take.  Rather than have Cole start the season off as an NXT pro, he gets RKO’d on RAW the night before the season premiere.  Cole will undoubtedly seek some kind of protection from future attacks, so have him interrupt an NXT broadcast (webcast?) and proclaim himself as a pro, have his rookie destroy one of the other rookies, and take their spot.  Cole mentors the guy, and in exchange, the rookie watches over Cole on RAW.  Sound good?

    Ahem.  CO-BRA, CO-BRA, CO-BRA!  New WWE Tag Team Champions this week in Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov, with the major assist to John Cena, who distracted Justin Gabriel just long enough to allow Santino’s Cobra to strike.

    Ah, John Cena.  Looks like he’ll be fired for all of four weeks – you know that The Nexus isn’t going anywhere and that without Barrett, there’s nobody fit to lead the group, in my humble opinion.  Look, factions don’t work well without their original leader, save for an HBK-less DX in the late 90s.  Nexus without Barrett would be like The 4 Horsemen without Ric Flair, the nWo without either Hogan or Nash at the helm, or the Straight Edge Society without CM Punk.  Besides, the t-shirts they just released last week feature Barrett’s picture right on them.  He ain’t going anywhere.

    I do love the Top Rope Nexus t-shirts that they were all wearing this week on RAW.  Too bad they cost $40.  BTW, if you’re looking for something to get me for Christmas, get me something for the benefit of those with flash photography.

    Hmm.  Edge got to pick the stipulation for his match with Kane at TLC and picked – wait for it… wait for it… – a TLC match!  You’re kidding!

    Jeff Hardy allegedly showed up in no condition to perform this past Sunday at TNA Final Resolution.  Yet, he still managed to go out and wrestle.  I didn’t see the match, but I’ve heard that Matt Morgan carried him through it.  Good thing for TNA and Jeff Hardy that Matt Morgan does have a pretty good wrestling mind.  Hardy was back in court earlier today, but I’ve heard no more info as of this time.

    Hey, here’s some interesting legal news.  The Tennessee Titans are planning to challenge WWE’s trademark of the word “Titantron.”  Here’s the problem with that.  WWE was using the word “Titantron,” and likely had the trademark, at least two years before the NFL franchise changed their name to the Titans.  The team adopted the name in 1999, nearly 11 years ago, and are just now challenging this trademark.  Good luck with that one.

    Hey, here’s a random thought – if Jeff Hardy is supposed to be in court, isn’t that something that would prevent him from leaving the country and going somewhere like, say, Abu Dhabi?  Ah well, I digress.

    I guess that’s it for now.  I’ll see you all again real soon!

  5. WWE Superstars Results

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    Hey, my Peeps!  Sorry for the absence as of late.  I’m in Colorado at the moment and have been really busy lately.  That’s no excuse, but life happens.  I’m here today to give you some results from this past week’s WWE Superstars.  I understand that some people don’t get the channel that carries Superstars, so here we go.

    Match 1:  Santino and Kozlov vs The Uso’s

    Santino picks up the win for his team with the Cobra on one of the brothers.  This is good to see, since Santino has been built as a comical jobber throughout the majority of his career in the WWE.  We all know he will continue to be that, but it’s good to see him get a win every once in a while.

    Match 2:  Darren Young vs William Regal

    I’m glad Young is getting some face time here.  He has talent, but needs to develop his character now that he is out of Nexus.  Regal is in a good spot here with a YOUNGer talent…see what I did there???  Regal gets the win here with the running knee.

    Nexus invades Superstars.  Wade Barrett says that if Cena doesn’t help him win the WWE Title at Bragging Rights, then he will be fired.

    Main Event:  Cody Rhodes and Drew McIntyre vs MVP and Chris Masters

    I like the pairing of MVP and Masters.  I think they could work out if given the opportunity.  This was a good match with Cody Rhodes getting the win with the Crossroads.

    That’s it for this week.  Peace out, Peeps.