Tag Archive: Degeneration X

  1. RYTMAN RAW REVIEW 07/30/12

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    We open with breaking news. Pyro set off during a rehearsal set the arena on fire, delaying the doors opening half an hour. No one hurt, thank God.
    We recap RAW 1000 for ten minutes.
    C.M. Punk is out first. Punk has taken acceptation to Jerry Lawler’s hyperbolic statement about “turning his back on the WWE universe. He sets himself Indian style on the announce desk and refers to the rock as “just one delusional man” who “wants it all to be about him.”
    “This is the WWE and I am its champion.”- C.M. Punk
    The Big Show comes out, and points out how the show was really all about him last week. He makes a point of Punk being unable to put Cena away in their match.
    “I knocked out Cena and you STILL couldn’t beat him!”- Big Show
    Cena runs out and throws fists, Big Show amscrays.
    New GM AJ Lee is out to announce tonight’s main event, The Big Show vs. John Cena w/the winner getting Punk @ Summerslam.
    Backstage: Daniel Bryan paces outside AJ’s door. Will he confront her?
    Guess not
    The US champ gets in minimal offense as almost the whole match is Del Rio working the arm. Santino goes for the COBRA! But Del Rio sends him shoulder first into the post and gets a submission with the arm-lock.
    Del Rio stands over Santino and declares that all of us are beneath him. He announces he will not wrestle again until his title match at Summerslam.
    Backstage: Okay I guess Bryan WILL confront AJ.
    Promo for Cena vs. Big Show
    Brodus Clay and the Funk-a-dactyls are out. Vicki comes out laughing at them.
    “Let the Queen Diva show you, and all of you, how to put a step on.” – Vicki Guerro.
    Vicki then puts on a quick dance show until she’s interrupted by our martyr, Damien Sandow.
    “Last week, a horrible crime was perpetrated against all of humanity.”- Damien Sandow
    Sandow makes us all look at the video of Degeneration-X beating him down, then proceeds to brutalize Clay.
    We go to a recap of two weeks ago, when Dolph Ziggler accused Jericho of losing his touch, and ate a code-breaker, followed up by Jericho sending Ziggler into a Brogue Kick by Sheamus and another code-breaker by Jericho on Smackdown. That’s the set up for the big tag team match tonight, Dolph Ziggler and the Miz vs. Christian and Jericho.
    Bryan charges into AJs office. He starts in on her, but AJ shuts him down fast. She mentions seeing Daniel talking to the men in white coats last week and accuses him of trying to marry her just to get her committed. Daniel denies it, claiming those were his friends dressed in white to match his tux. AJ responds by booking Daniel against Sheamus tonight. Daniel asks if it’s a title match.
    “No, No, No, No, NO, NO! NO! NO!” etc… – AJ Lee
    We recap last week’s confrontation with Heyman, Hunter, and Stephanie McMahon. We will come back to this FIVE MORE TIMES TONIGHT.
    Vote on Twitter! What kind of match should Daniel Bryan and Sheamus have tonight?
    We come back to a recap of the fire. Doors didn’t open for thirty minutes.
    Daniel Bryan comes out and demands we all stop chanting “YES!” We don’t, he goes into a tirade of NO! NO! NO!
    Sheamus is out next. As he comes to the ring, we recap four weeks ago when Del Rio slammed his head into the hood of Del Rio’s car.
    Lawler announces the twitter poll results, Streetfight by a landslide.
    Brutal back and forth that spills out and up the stage. Bryan’s head gets bounced off a set-piece and Sheamus gets drop-kicked off the stage. Sheamus may have a hurt leg/ankle.
    We come back with Bryan in charge but Sheamus fights back. More back/forth on the outside, until Sheamus brings weapons into it. Bryan pushes them out of the ring but eventually he uses a kendo stick on Sheamus. Sheamus gets the stick but Bryan drop-kicks him into a chair set up in the corner. More back and forth, until Bryan gets Sheamus down; and brings the steel steps into the ring. Sheamus hook Bryan into the “white noise,” but Bryan slips out. Brogue kick by Sheamus and Bryan goes down for three.
    We get a recap of Punk cutting a promo on the Rock, a promo for Cena vs. Big Show and we go to…
    We come back to Bryan holding his neck and refusing to leave the ring until he gets a doctor to look at him. Kofi and R-Truth come out (w/little Jimmy) and tell him to leave. Bryan responds by PUNT-KICKING LITTLE JIMMY OUT OF THE RING (WHICH THE CAMERA MAN ACTUALLY SELLS BY “FOLLOWING” LITTLE JIMMY!) Bryan goes off on R-truth until those nice young men in their clean white coats come out. Bryan tells them to take away R-truth, but AJ comes out to inform Bryan they’re taking him backstage for an evaluation.
    R-truth escorts Jimmy to a chair at ringside as we go to a montage of touts regarding Punk’s statements from earlier. Now they want us to tout our thoughts as to who is more unstable, AJ or Bryan.
    AW brings out the Prime Time Players as Cole plugs a WWE.com exclusive video of the PTP harassing Rosa at a photo-shoot.
    Titus starts out strong as AW compares him to Kobe Bryant in a Colorado hotel. Kingston takes over and hits the boom-drop while R-Truth takes Darien Young off the ring hard. AW throws his shoe at Kofi, and runs off. Kofi is distracted and O’Neal hits the Lo-down for three.
    Backstage: Punk isn’t wishing Cena luck in his match tonight because he doesn’t care who wins, but he advises Punk to get over the fact that he did to the Rock in one night what Cena couldn’t do in an entire year.
    Cole apologizes for AW’s Kobe remark and we recap what we just saw w/Cena & Punk.
    Heath Slater is in the ring and we recap Slater taking a clothesline from hell and losing to Lita last week. (Notice a theme here?) Slater challenges any current WWE superstar to come out and lose to him.
    Orton makes his big return. Slater actually starts off strong for a minute, but it quickly goes all Randy and ends w/an RKO.
    Backstage: Daniel Bryan is getting evaluated by a doctor in a small room. The doctor asks one question too many and D-Bry goes to critical mass w/the “YES!” chant.
    Back and forth action with neither team dominating, no one has the advantage for too long. Christian takes Miz/Ziggler down with a body press off the top rope and the heels are left lying.
    We come back with Miz in control of Jericho. After trading spots, both men make a hot tag and Christian takes over on Ziggler. This is short lived and the heels are soon in control again. Christian makes a hot tag to Jericho, and this becomes all about Jericho/Miz. Miz tries for the SCF, Jericho backs him into the corner, Christian thumbs Miz in the eye (payback for Smackdown) and Jericho gets the three with the code breaker. Ziggler gets the last word however, with a suitcase to the back of Jericho.
    Ziggler leaves everyone lying in the ring, and smirks his way up the ramp.
    Side Note: Weird moment in the match where Ziggler tried a Fame-Asser and just went right over Jericho w/o contact. Fake out or botch?
    We get another recap of the fire and go backstage to Daniel Bryan taking an ink-blot test. The three pics together make a goat-face and Bryan goes nuts, thinking Charlie Sheen is behind this.
    As to who’s more unstable, the “tout” a-teers give it to AJ.
    Kidd actually looked strong here, but in the end went down for the three. HOWEVER, Tensai continued to brutalize Kidd to the point that the ref had to reverse the decision.
    Tensai attacked Sakamoto after the match.
    Backstage: Punk has passed his exam. The doc leaves, the light goes red, and KANE introduces himself as Bryan’s new “anger management” counselor, before tossing him, by the neck, into the wall.
    C.M. Punk comes to ringside and joins the announce team.
    We come back with Punk “lending his expertise” to keep the announcing unbiased.
    This is our main event, ladies and gentlemen.
    Big Show in charge with punches, head-butting, and body shots. He gives Cena the big slap in the corner twice, but Cena ducks a third and gets up on show for a chin-lock. Show fights out but Cena slaps it on again. Cena chokes Show down for two.
    We come back with Show in control. We have a theme of Show slowly overpowering Cena and egging on the crowd, and Cena getting in brief flurries of offense before getting shut down. The climax is on the outside where Show side-steps Cena, and hurls him over the announcer table into Punk. The match ends with Cena attempting an AA and Punk striking from behind. The bell rings and Punk adds a kick to the Show’s head for good measure. Punk declares both men losers and walks off.
    AJ comes out and declares both men winners, making the match at Summerslam a three way for the title, Punk vs. Big Show vs. John Cena.
    RAW ends with C.M. Punk arguing w/a smirking AJ.

  2. RYTMANS RAW REVIEW 07/23/2012


    We open with a montage of RAW highlights and a sample of the new theme. Vincent Kennedy McMahon himself is out first thank us for getting them to 1000 shows and to welcome us to Monday Night Raw. His spot is short and to the point (as you’ll see, it’s the only one that was.) And he introduces us to DEGENERATION X!

    Triple H and The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels are out first. Shawn makes a joke about needing to catch his breath, and Triple H makes a joke about his underwear bunching up on him.

    Three hours people

  3. RAW review 10/19/09


    What’s up!  It’s Rizzle fo’ shizzle dizzle!  Whatever that means.  Snoop Doggy Dogg is your host (does he still call himself that, or is it just Snoop Dogg now?  In which case, does that mean he can’t perform the song “What’s My Name?” anymore, since it says his name is Snoop Doggy Dogg?), and word on the street is, there’s a former WWE Intercontinental Champion in the hizzle looking to shut up the United States Champion, the Miz.  All this and commentary from the Twitterverse, tonight!


  4. SmackDown review 10/16/09

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    Episode #530:  “SmackDown and Dirty”

    This week’s WWE SmackDown is dedicated to the memory of Captain Lou Albano.

    We kick off with the terrible new SmackDown theme song that is probably only used as a thinly veiled shot at TNA with the line “Do you really want to Cross The Line.”  Todd Grisham welcomes us to the University of Kentucky, where he’s hanging out at ringside with… Michael Cole!  Vintage SmackDown!  Tonight, it’s Batista vs. Rey Mysterio, and the return of The Dirt Sheet!

    You know it’s the Mack Militant…

    Teddy Long is in the house, and he’s excited about Bragging Rights next Sunday.  In the SmackDown vs. RAW main event at the PPV, he would like to ensure that SmackDown would be the dominant brand.  He introduces us to the captain of Team SmackDown, Chris Jericho.  Jericho heads down to the ring, and he says that Teddy Long has finally put aside prejudice and politics and made the right decision in naming him the captain of Team SmackDown.  As the face of this show, he needs to address the possibility of John Cena returning.  When Orton beats Cena, Cena will no longer be allowed to compete for the WWE Championship and will be banished from RAW, which means he’ll want to come back to SmackDown, but things have changed since Cena left, because Jericho is the man around here now.  Nobody has been more successful or dominant in the 10 year history of SmackDown, and if Cena wants to return, he’s got to go through Jericho.  Jericho is the cornerstone of SmackDown and the best in the world at what he does.  He’s the reason all of the parasites in the crowd are there tonight.  As the captain of Team SmackDown, it’s his responsibility to put together a team that will allow him to lead them to the promised land.  They’ll beat team RAW, who’s captains have written this “piece of Flotsam and Jetsam (referring to DX’s new book),” Degeneration X.  You know what Jericho thinks of DX?  He begins tearing pages out of the new DX book.  He says that’s what he’s going to do to DX at Bragging Rights.  He’ll open our eyes and we’ll truly see…


    Kane’s pyro goes off, and the Big Red Monster says that he and Jericho need to talk.  He’s been listening to Jericho’s every word, and he’s here to tell him that he’s now the co-captain of the SmackDown Seven.  Jericho says of course he is, he was thinking the same thing.  He was just going to announce that because the combination of Kane’s strength and Jericho’s intelligence means that the RAW team doesn’t stand a chance.  Kane says the book, DX, and all of Team RAW can go up in flames.

    Still to come, Batista takes on Rey Mysterio.


    The following contest is a Triple-Threat Bragging Rights Qualifying Match scheduled for one fall.  Chris Jericho is apparently in charge of all of these qualifying matches.  This one pits Finlay vs. Mike Knox vs. Dolph Ziggler.

    Dolph Ziggler def. Mike Knox & Finlay in a Triple Threat Match

    SmackDown has the best matches on all of television.  That’s through all three WWE brands and TNA.  In the end here, Finlay and Knox both went for cross-bodies, Finlay with Shillelagh in hand.  Finlay goes for a cover, but Ziggler pulls him out and covers Knox to pick up the victory!

    So far, the main event for Bragging Rights is DX, The Big Show, Mark Henry, Jack Swagger, Kofi Kingston, and Cody Rhodes vs. Chris Jericho, Kane, and Dolph Ziggler.

    Still to come, The Dirt Sheet returns!


    In the following tag team match, the winning team will both qualify for Team Smackdown.

    Cryme Tyme def. The Hart Dynasty

    You know what I don’t get?  Why they bothered to bring the Hart Dynasty up to SmackDown.  They put on great matches and all, but it seems like they’re stuck wrestling Cryme Tyme every week.  At this point, I think they’d be better off being the big fishes in the small pond of ECW.  It doesn’t help these guys that the Unified Tag Team Champions are also heels.  Speaking of which, why are Jericho and The Big Show never on ECW?  That’s a thought for another time though, as JTG picks up the victory by hitting Tyson Kidd with the Thugnificence after the distraction from Shad.

    So the match at Bragging Rights is now DX, Big Show, Henry, Swagger, Kingston, and Rhodes takin on Jericho, Kane, Ziggler, and Cryme Tyme.

    Still to come, Batista takes on Rey Mysterio


    Chris Jericho is talking to Michelle McCool backstage when Teddy Long comes in.  Jericho tells her that Bragging Rights is important.  If SmackDown wins twice out of the three matches, they’ll prove their the dominant brand.  He says he can’t count on Morrison to beat The Miz, but he wants to know if he can count on Michelle.  She says she makes history and can beat any diva in any kind of match at any time.  Mickie James walks in, excited that she was excited to be chosen to be traded to SmackDown.  Mickie says that if Chris is looking for somebody to beat the RAW Divas, he should pick somebody who’s already beaten every Diva on RAW.  Michelle excuses herself but runs into Beth Phoenix, who tells her she shouldn’t count on hanging onto her title for long with The Glamazon around.

    Mr. McMahon is on his cell phone when CM Punk shows up.  Punk isn’t thrilled about the fatal four way.  Mr. McMahon isn’t either.  Punk says McMahon should do something about it.  McMahon says he liked the idea Punk had last week for a Breaking Point rematch.  Punk asks if that means the four way is off.  McMahon says it’s not.  Instead, Punk vs. Undertaker in a submission match with referee Scott Armstrong as the official and Teddy Long at ringside – right here on SmackDown next week!


    WrestleMania tickets go on sale in 22 days!

    The following is a Bragging Rights qualifying match, but first, here’s Vickie Guerrero, who is booed like crazy and doing her “Excuse Me” gimmick.  She introduces, making his SmackDown debut, her new boyfriend, Eric Escobar.  His opponent tonight is from Cameron, North Carolina and wearing the ugliest purple tights this side of Men on a Mission, Matt Hardy!

    Eric Escobar def. Matt Hardy

    Escobar looked pretty good here, virtually dominating Matt Hardy.  In the end, however, it was a distraction of the referee by Vickie Guerrero that allowed Escobar to slam Hardy shoulder first and roll him up – hooking Matt’s Barney the Dinosaur inspired tights – for the pinfall victory.

    The Bragging Rights main event is now DX, Show, Henry, Swagger, Kingston and Rhodes vs. Kane, Jericho, Cryme Tyme, Ziggler, and Escobar.

    Up next, it’s the return of The Dirt Sheet!


    In a world full of winners and losers, two men have risen above to bring you The Dirt Sheet.  The United States Champion The Miz is introduced first, followed by SmackDown’s Intercontinental Champion John Morrison.  The st is split in two – one half is red (where The Miz is sitting) and one side is blue (where Morrison is sitting).  Morrison says he’ll prove why being the Intercontinental Champion is better than – hey wait a minute – The Miz has a championship!  Is that real?  Or did he get it on WWEShop.com.  The Miz is your United States Champion.  Not only will we determine which brand is superior, we’ll find out who was the superior member of the greatest tag team of the 21st Century.   They say that throughout history, great teams have split up with one member going on to greatness and the other fading into obscurity.  Like, Mork and Mindy – you know, Robin Williams and whathername.  Bill and Ted – Ted was in The Matrix, Bill was in the unemployment line.  Wayne and Garth, Regis and Kathy Lee, and of course, The Rockers.  When they broke up, Shawn Michaels went on to become Shawn Michaels!  Marty Jannetty went on to be Marty Jannetty (wah wah wah.)  At Bragging Rights, Miz says he’ll prove he’s the Shawn Michaels and Morrison will be the Marty Jannetty.  Morrison says that Jannetty never had cool merch like he’s got.  Miz says there can’t be two Jannetty’s so in default, Morrison is the Jannetty.  Jannetty says that there can be two Jannetty’s – Marty Jannetty and Mizzy Jannetty.  They then argue about The Miz’s dating life.  Morrison says the only thing Miz has done is conformed.  He had the courage to dress like a loser.  But now he’s some strange mixture of Michael Phelps, Mr. Ed, Pink, and Big Dick Johnson.  And when you put all that together, you get The Miz.  Miz laughs it off.  He says he’s got great hair, the women love his pearly whites, and he looks good in trunks.  Morrison says he looks husky.  Morrison says Miz isn’t fat, he’s husky.  The crowd agrees.  Miz says they’re just jealous of his amazing body.  At Bragging Rights, there will be no debate – he’ll prove he’s better than Morrison.  Morrison says prove it now.  Miz says he won’t do that in this second rate city in this second rate state on this second rate show, he’ll do it on the PPV.  Morrison asks if Miz really thinks that SmackDown is the second rate show?  RAW is nothing more than a cheap imitation of Saturday Night Live.  So if you want to tune in to see the amazing star power of Al Sharpton or Nancy O’Dell, go ahead.  Who’s hosting next week, Big Bird?  If you want action, entertainment, and the Friday Night Delight, you tune in to Friday Night SmackDown.  These people are tired of the boring Miz.  Miz says he’s the most entertaining and charismatic superstar in the WWE.  He’s the reason people watch RAW.  He’s the reason people are watching tonight.  He carried Morrison for two years, because he’s The Miz, and he’s Awesome!  Morrison says he’s the Miz and all he does is run his mouth.  Talk is cheap.  This is SmackDown, not RAW.  He won’t let Miz sit around and talk about what he’s gonna do.  He dares Miz to take a shot at him.  Miz takes off his jacket.  Miz decides that discretion is the better part of valor and leaves.  Morrison says “see you at Bragging Rights, Jannetty.”  Both men hold up their respective titles.

    Still to come, Rey Mysterio takes on Batista.

    Video package: The feud between Drew McIntyre and R-Truth.

    Truth is walking backstage, and he’ll face Drew McIntyre one on one, NEXT! in a Bragging Rights qualifying match.


    Later tonight, The Undertaker has a message for CM Punk.

    It’s time to find out who the final member of Team SmackDown will be!  WHAT’S UP!  R-Truth raps his way down the aisle.  I guess they’re letting him backstage again, since he didn’t come out of the crowd.  Drew McIntyre makes his way out to the ring, and we’re ready for action!

    Drew McIntyre def. R-Truth

    Here’s what I want to know.  Why isn’t ECW upset that RAW and SmackDown are having a PPV to determine the dominant brand in the WWE and barely mentioning them?  Anyways, McIntyre works over Truth’s back throughout the match, eventually sweeping his leg out from under him while he was standing on the steel steps on the outside.  Truth couldn’t make the 10 count, and McIntyre wins by countout!

    So the Bragging Rights main event is DX, Show, Henry, Swagger, Kingston, and Rhodes vs. Jericho, Kane, Cryme Tyme, Escobar, Ziggler, and now McIntyre.

    Rey Mysterio and Batista are backstage, and Batista isn’t thrilled about having to face his brother ReyRey tonight.  Mysterio says it’s cool, and come Bragging Rights, it’s all about the title.  Mysterio asks Batista to take it easy on him tonight.

    We’ll hear from The Undertaker, NEXT!


    Video Package: Randy Orton and John Cena’s rivalry leading to their Iron Man Match at Bragging Rights.

    Rundown of the Bragging Rights card

    Video Package: The feud between CM Punk and The Undertaker.

    Undertaker says that history has a way of repeating itself, but not in his yard.  Punk, Armstrong, and Long have decided to tempt fate and wrest the holy grail from death’s grip.  Once you enter Hell’s gates, there’s no turning back.  At Bragging Rights, he’ll take Punk’s soul, and in one week’s time, he’ll give Punk his last rights.

    Rey Mysterio is out first for tonight’s main event.  Batista’s music starts, and I start to doze off a little.  Then his pyro goes off, and I wake up again.  Then the bell rings.  Here we go!

    Rey Mysterio def. Batista

    It starts off as a friendly match – until Mysterio goes for a 619 and seemingly lights a fire under the Animal.  Batista takes control and physically dominates – though he’s hesitant to do so.  Mysterio starts to use his speed to mount a comeback, and hits a 619, but when he goes for the West Coast Pop, Batista catches him and goes for a Batista Bomb, but Mysterio reverses it into a Hurricanrana pin attempt – which leads to the pinfall victory for Rey Mysterio!

    Following the match, Batista complains that his shoulder was up, which Michael Cole agrees with, but Batista still hugs Mysterio and raises his hand.  Batista applauds Mysterio’s victory from the top of the ramp, and CM Punk rushes in and drops Mysterio with the GTS before bailing through the crowd.  Batista runs him off and helps Mysterio to his feet.

    Next week, CM Punk vs. The Undertaker for the World Heavyweight Championship with Scott Armstrong as the referee and Teddy Long at ringside in a submission match.

    My thoughts: Another solid episode of SmackDown.  Even the Batista/Mysterio match was pretty good.  I just wish I was more awake through it.  I’m a bit surprised at the team that’s representing SmackDown, but I probably shouldn’t be.  That’s it for me guys, stay tuned for Random Randomness from JT this Sunday and Bound For Glory coverage all weekend!

  5. WWE RAW results 8/24/09


    Last night, while security was detaining a fan, Randy Orton hit an RKO and pinned John Cena to retain the WWE Championship.  It wasn’t really a fan, however, it was Ted DiBiase’s brother Brett.  Orton says that Brett DiBiase’s actions were inexcusable, and Cody Rhodes points out that Orton would’ve won anyway.

    Floyd “Money” Mayweather is our guest host tonight – but first, it’s the boss, look busy!

    Mr. McMahon makes his way to the ring, and he seems to be in a good mood.  He says that tonight’s guest host is one of the greatest showmen, one of the greatest fighter of all time, Floyd “Money” Mayweather!  But before we get to that, the referee’s decision, despite the controversey, is final.  It’s time to clear up that controversey, John Cena will get his rematch in about three weeks on a pay per view.  It’s a brand new concept, aptly known as “Breaking Poing,” in which the main events are submission matches.  Cena and Orton’s match will be an “I Quit” match.  And if anybody interferes on behalf of Orton, he’ll immediately be stripped of the WWE Championship.  Have a good night!


    Before the chairman can leave ringside, Triple H and HBK, collectively known as Degeneration X, make their way to the ring.  Mr. McMahon tells them to have a good night.  Triple H says we probably expected them on a tank, but with the economy, they couldn’t afford it.  He then says that he doesn’t like good guy Mr. McMahon.  It’s creepy.  Like Michael Vick at a PETA convention.  HBK says it’s yucky.  Triple H says there must be a reason he’s in a good mood.  The boss says he knows where this is going.  HBK asks if today is August 24th.  He thinks somebody’s got a birthday.  Triple H says it’s Dave Chappelle.  HBK says to think whiter and crazier.  Triple H says Marley Matlin.  HBK says older and more incoherent.  Triple H wonders who we know that’s old, crazy, and incoherent.  Oh wait!  It’s Vincent Kennedy McMahon’s 84th Birthday!  The fans start chanting “84.”  Triple H corrects himself and says it’s his 74th birthday.  The fans chant “74.”  Triple H says he’s actually 70.  Mr. McMahon says “I’m 64!”  Triple H and HBK are surprised that he told everybody how old he is.  McMahon tells them to leave.  HHH asks how many birthday’s he’s got left, especially in Vegas.  HBK says that if he doesn’t want to have a happy birthday, it’s ok, because he’s a pioneer.  Triple H says he was a real pioneer with the wagon and everything.  HBK says no, he’s the reason we watch WWE Television.  If he doesn’t want to have a happy birthday, it’s ok, but he wants to show him a tribute.  It’s a nice touching tribute – until they play the clip of “Stand Back.”  Then they show a bunch of Vince’s not so proud moments at the hands of not only DX, but Bobby Lashley, Steve Austin, Mae Young and others.  McMahon says he won’t forget about this.  Triple H says at his age he probably will forget about it, but he certainly won’t forget about this – a birthday cake is wheeled down to the ring as HBK starts singing “Happy Birthday.”  Triple H interrupts and says something’s not right.  This is Vegas.  Anybody can have a cake, but in Vegas, things are done differently.  HBK says that he’s been told that whatever happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.  Triple H says that even if Mr. McMahon sends out memo not to mention his birthday, sometimes people just have to do it anyway.  HBK says that he was roped into this, but anyway, you can’t have a Vegas birthday without showgirls.  So of course, this brings out the Vegas showgirls.  Mr. McMahon asks how much longer this is going to go on.  Triple H says they also got him Cirque De Sole, and a couple of the Cirque De Soley pogo stilt guys come out.  Mr. McMahon says their masks are really gay.  Triple H makes fun of the guys bouncing around the ring, and Vince asks if they’re done.  HBK says you can’t have a birthday in Vegas without the king of Rock and Roll, Elvis.  An Elvis impersonator makes his way to the ring.  McMahon calls him the skinniest Elvis he’s ever seen.  Triple H hands him a microphone, and Elvis gives Mr. McMahon his sunglasses and leads everybody in singing Happy Birthday to the chairman.  Triple H says he thinks Mr. McMahon should look at his cake – it’s no ordinary cake, if you get what he means.  Some music starts playing, and Big Dick Johnson comes out of the cake.  Mr. McMahon tosses him out of the ring, and says he’s had enough of this birthday crap.  Triple H says there’s one more thing, and they kick out the showgirls, the Crique De Sole guys, and Elvis.  HBK says he had nothing to do with this.  Triple H says it’s a private thing so we should all close our eyes.  He says he’s got one more present for Mr. McMahon.  They position him in the ring as if something were going to drop on him, but Rhodes and DiBiase attack from behind.  DX fend them off this time, and the WWE Champion appears on the top of the ramp.  Triple H says that since Floyd Mayweather hasn’t gotten here yet, it’s going to be all three members of Legacy against DX and their partner, Vincent Kennedy McMahon.  Mr. McMahon says it’s no disqualification.  He says he’s always wanted to do this part – “If you’re not down with that, we’ve got two words for ya!”


    Santino is already in the ring, which means he’s probably doing the J.O.B.  His opponent tonight is The Miz… and he’s… AWESOME!

    The Miz def. Santino

    The Miz looks to be more focused than ever before, and more aggressive as well.  Santino starts to build some momentum, but it just takes one mistake on his part for The Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the win.

    After the match, The Miz takes a microphone, and he says he’s now one step closer to defeating Kofi Kingston to become the new United States Champion, because he’s The Miz… and he’s.. AWESOME!

    There’s three Divas in boxing gear walking towards the ring.  That can only mean one thing – dinnertime!


    I love it when the WWE does these “Did You Know” segments about having more viewers than Monday Night Football when it’s the pre-season, like it’s some kind of accomplishment.

    This is a six-Diva cluster*(# “Mayweather Melee”

    Beth Phoenix, Rosa Mendez, & Alicia Fox def. Gail Kim, Mickie James, & Kelly Kelly

    I’m not reviewing this crap.  In fact, I didn’t watch it.  I went and popped my dinner in the microwave and came back to Beth Phoenix’s team celebrating in the ring.


    HBK is concerned about the match later tonight.  HHH is too concerned about The Rise and Fall of WCW DVD.  HBK thought they only shilled their own merch.  HHH says that they need to get Vince motivated to fight, and he should be absolutely fuming right about now.  Backstage, Jillian is dressed like Marilyn Monroe and sings happy birthday to Mr. McMahon until he kicks her out.


    Last year, I went to WrestleMania, and I saw Floyd Mayweather knock out The Big Show with a pair of brass knucks.  Here, let’s watch it again!  Anyways, Big Show says that Mayweather is doing the right thing – he’s hiding from him.  If Show gets his hands on him, he’s going to hurt him.  He hasn’t forgotten about WrestleMania, and they have some unfinished business.  Show says he’s not leaving the ring, and nobody can make him, until Mayweather shows up.  Jericho says nobody can make him leave.  It’s 9:52, and Floyd Mayweather finally strolls into the arena.


    Big Show and Chris Jericho are awaiting the arrival of Floyd “Money” Mayweather.  Lillian introduces him as the Quarter Billion Dollar Man.  Floyd makes his way out to the ring with his entourage – and with a stack of money strapped to his arm for some reason.  After milking his entrance for about 20 minutes, Mayweather gets in the ring, where he’s towered over by both The Big Show and Chris Jericho.  Mayweather reminds Show about WrestleMania, and he says he’ll do it again tonight, but he’s got a September 19th PPV bout that’s more important.  Mayweather gets in Jericho’s face.  Jericho says that he was introduced as the greatest fighter in the world, but Jericho disagrees.  He thinks he’s a great self promoter and a showboater, but he’s not that good of a boxer.  He thinks, little man, that his big comeback fight against Juan Manuel Marquez, he’s going to get knocked out.  Show says that after Marquez cleans his clock, maybe he and Jericho will step in the ring, take whats left, and wipe him from the face of the planet.

    I’m Comin!

    MVP makes his way to the stage, and tell Big Show and Jericho that he doesn’t appreciate them talking to Money Mayweather that way, since he’s made him a lot of money.  Jericho may look up 16 syllable words in his Oxford Dictionary every week, but Mayweather could knock him out 37 times before he can open his mouth.  Kinda like he did to The Big Show last year.  Jericho points out that Mayweather did it with the help of 18 friends.  MVP says Show could’ve done the same if he had any friends.  Jericho says Show is his friend.  MVP says the only reason Jericho’s on RAW is because he’s one half of the Unified Tag Team Champions.  MVP wishes that somebody would beat them so they could send Jericho back to SmackDown.  He asks Mayweather for a tag title shot with a partner of his choosing at Breaking Point.  Mayweather says let’s do it tonight.  He asks if MVP has a partner in mind.  MVP says he does…

    Somebody’s gonna get they ass kicked…

    Mark Henry joins MVP on the stage, and it looks like we’ve got a tag title match coming up NEXT!


    MVP & Mark Henry def. Chris Jericho & The Big Show

    This match is apparently not for the tag titles, but instead if MVP and Henry win, they get a tag title shot at Breaking Point.  The Tag Champs keep control of this one by cutting the ring in half and using frequent tags to keep the fresh man in the ring.  Gorilla Monsoon would be so proud.  The champs are doing a great job of keeping MVP away from Mark Henry as we head to a…


    MVP is still cut off from Mark Henry when we come back.  The Unified Tag Team Champions are still dominating this match.  MVP rolls out of the way of a Lionsault, and he manages to make the tag.  Rather than tag out, Jericho goes straight at Henry.  He goes for the Codebreaker, but Henry catches him.  Henry goes for the World’s Strongest Slam, but Jericho reverses it into a DDT for a two count.  Henry tags MVP back in, who takes Jericho down and hits the Ballin’ elbow for a two count.  Jericho hits the running enziguri, but Henry breaks up the pin.  He tosses The Big Show out of the ring, and Mayweather puts brass knucks on the hand of MVP, who uses them to knock out Chris Jericho for the win!

    Big Show carries Jericho’s unconscious body out of the arena as Floyd Mayweather celebrates with MVP and Mark Henry.

    Rhodes and the DiBiases are discussing how they have the advantage in their match tonight, since it’s no DQ.  Orton comes in and dismisses Brett DiBiase.  He tells the other members of Legacy that tonight, he’s going to take out Mr. McMahon for good.


    Last week, Hornswoggle beat Chavo Guerrero with a little help from Kevin McCallister.  This week, they’re going to have a boxing match.  The referee tells Chavo he won’t need his gloves.  He goes out of the ring and grabs some big glove boxing gloves.  Chavo says he’s still gonna knock Hornswoggle out.

    Hornswoggle def. Chavo Guerrero (again)

    Chavo misses with a punch and Hornswoggle gets some body blows in.  This happens a couple of times, and the third time, Hornswoggle gets a headshot, knocking Chavo down for a two or three count.  Chavo takes his gloves off and bodyslams Hornswoggle, earning the disqualification.

    After the match, Chavo climbs the ropes and is looking for the Frog Splash, when Evan Bourne comes out to make the save.  He knocks Guerrero down and hits the Air Bourne before going to check on Hornswoggle.

    Still to come, DX and Mr. McMahon vs. Legacy.


    Mr. McMahon is warming up backstage with Floyd Mayweather when Carlito walks in and complains that he’s not on the show.  Triple H comes in and says Mayweather’s doing a great job.  Triple H then says something about getting busy with Stephanie, which prompts Mr. McMahon to knock Carlito out.


    ThinkSoJoE Note:  Every week, much like RAW itself, we bring you a special guest host for the main event of RAW – for the sheer fact that I work a night job and cannot cover it myself.  This week’s guest host is BWF’s Random Redhead, JT!

    • DX comes out first, I wonder if the cheers are real or fake?
    • Vince out next, crowd quiet.
    • Legacy out last, they walk to the ring slowly.
    • HBK is thrown out to Legacy.
    • Vince starts out with Rhodes
    • Then HBK, then HHH
    • Rhodes is all alone, is then thrown out to his buddies.
    • Commercial Break- Whopper Jr. is only $1. But the Tendercrisp is better.
    • Go see Halloween 2 or Michael Myers will come visit you.
    • Back
    • DiBiase has HHH in a headlock, but he fights out of it and hits DiBiase with a DDT
    • Tag to HBK who dominates DiBiase
    • Big elbow by HBK off the top rope.
    • Rhodes interferes
    • Orton tags in and stomps on HBK
    • Knee to the head be Orton
    • Tag to Rhodes, he dominates
    • HBK tries to fight out but is unsuccessful
    • Tag to Orton, the beatdown on HBK continues
    • Pin attempt-2
    • Orton headlock on HBK
    • HBK fights out
    • Tag to Rhodes, but HBK tags HHH
    • HHH dominates
    • Spinebuster, then Pedigree
    • tag to Vince
    • pin attempt-2
    • Orton tries to kink Vince in the head, HBK stops it
    • Orton tries to run, but Cena comes out
    • HBK hits Sweet Chin Music
    • Cena hits the F-U
    • Vince pins Orton
    • Your winners DX & Vince Mcmahon
    • We fade to black with Cena, DX and Vince McMahon standing tall.

    Thanks, JT!

    My Thoughts: I didn’t hate the opening segment.  A lot of  people that I talked to tonight did, but I’m not in that category.  I actually laughed a couple of times, which is more than I can say about most RAW segments not involving Santino Marella in the last few months.

    This “guest host pisses off The Big Show” thing has got to stop.  Unless Shaq and Floyd Mayweather are going to be teaming up at whatever PPV is after Breaking Point to take on Jericho and The Big Show, I don’t see the point of it.  Also, the same goes for Chavo Guerrero jobbing to Hornswoggle.  I get it, the guest hosts are amused by Chavo’s inability to beat the little guy.  It’s getting old.

    Speaking of old, happy birthday, Mr. McMahon!  BTW, Mr. McMahon, if you’re looking for writers for RAW that understand professional wrestling, I can recommend about five people…