What could happen on Smackdown tonight? Best to keep everyone in the dark, right? I mean, god forbit the outcome of a title match would be leaked on the dirt sheets, let alone on the WWE.com website itself. Seriously, right? That would be completely self-defeating and retarded. So clearly Alberto Del Rio didn’t win the title,. there’s no way! So grab your favorite burlap sack, ’cause it’s hoppin’ time!
I do this for you, dear readers. All two of you. I’m here on Christmas eve reviewing WWE RAW. I don’t have to worry about missing out on Santa Claus, because he’s hosting RAW tonight. When he should be flying all over the world delivering toys to boys and girls everywhere. Also, Santa Claus is G from BWF Radio.
I watch 30 minutes of the show, leave for work, and then watch the entire 3 hour show in it’s entirety at work. You’re welcome. That’s how ThinkSoJoE’s RAW reviews work.
Last night’s RAW was for me, a mixed bag. There were low-points, painful ones at that, but there were one or two points where I could see a glimmer of hope.
MATCH RESULTS
RYBACK DEF TENSAI – Ryback in the ring, cuts a decent promo demanding WWE champ C.M. Punk and the three NXT talents who jumped him at Survivor Series come out to face him or he tears the place down. Vicki Guerro, RAW Supervising Manager, came out to berate Ryback for blowing two title shots and warn him not to cause trouble or he would face a fine/suspension. She sends out Tensai to see “just how big” his appetite is. Match ends just how you’d expect it. Ryback puts Tensai down with the Shell-Shock for a pin.
WADE BARRETT DEF WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION KOFIKINGSTON – Before the match, we see Wade Barrett cutting a backstage promo from last night’s survivor series, saying how he’s beaten Kofi for the Intercontinental title before and Kofi holding the title was a disgrace to WWE. Barrett dominates the match with a combo of holds and brawling, as well as focusing on an eye injury to Kofi. Kofi gets in a big flurry of offense but Barrett rakes his eye on the rope and ends it with the “Bull-Hammer Elbow.”
KAITLYN DEF AKSANA – Aksana actually tries actual “wrestling” for once. She starts by faking a walk-out to lure Kaitlyn into a clothesline and working over the left arm. Sloppy, but it’s an “improvement.” Kaitlyn gorilla-presses her and drops her stomach first into her knee for a three-count.
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO DEF BRODUS CLAY – Despite R-Truth on commentary and the Funkadactyls at ringside, Cesaro gets the pin with the “Neutralizer.”
RANDY ORTON DEF ALBERTO DEL RIO (2 FALLS OUT OF 3) – The first fall starts out as a basic “back and forth,” until Orton forces Del Rio outside. Del Rio pulls Orton, shoulder first into the ring-rope, then into the corner post. When he refuses to let up the assault on the arm, Orton gets the win by DQ. The second fall has Orton making the comeback while favoring the left arm, but Del Rio locks in the arm-bar and Orton has to tap out. Third fall has Del Rio attacking the bad arm, while Orton tries to fight back. Ricardo Rodriguez (Del Rio’s personal ring announcer,) gets ejected for grabbing Orton’s ankle, and after missing an inziguri, Orton gets the pin with an RKO out of nowhere.
GREAT KAHLI DEF PRIMO/EPICO w/ROSA MENDES – Hornswoggle comes out to squirt Rosa in the face with water from a trick bouquet of flowers while Kahli destroys Mo/Co. I put more effort into that sentence than anybody put into that match.
THE MIZ DEF DAVID OTUNGA – Very basic, by-the-numbers match; Otunga gets to look good here, dominating Miz with clotheslines and chin-locks, but Miz gets in the “Skull-Crushing-Finale,” for the inevitable three-count.
SHEAMUS DEF DAMIAN SANDOW – Sheamus comes out with chair in hand. He cuts a promo recapping his feud with World Heavyweight Champion the Big Show and makes note that he is “not smiling anymore.” Big Show comes out, and they start shouting over each other. Show calls Sheamus a “barbarian,” and Sandow makes his entrance. Match builds from a slow pace, starting out with Sandow trying to avoid Sheamus for the first few minutes. First high-spot is Sheamus tossing Sandow out by the beard. Sandow actually dominates the match from that point on, beating Sheamus down and trying to wear him out. Sandow takes too long setting up the “elbow of distain” and Sheamus hooks in a side-back-breaker. Sheamus hits a flying shoulder block, the “White Noise,” and the Brogue-kick for a three-count.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS HELL NO (DANIEL BRYAN AND KANE) VS SINSTERIO (SIN CARA/REY MYSTERIO: NO CONTEST – The real story here is the absolute TRAIN WRECK of the Prime Time Players (Titus O’Neal/Darren Young) doing commentary with Cole/Lawler. Eventually they all give up and settle for entertaining each other with jokes and one-liners. Ironically, the PTP’s come off as funny and charismatic (which is bad because they’re heels.) Match ends when the PTP’s rush the ring, and get beat down by both other teams.
MAJOR STORYLINES
1. THE AJ “SCANDAL” – So this nonsense begins with Vicki bringing out two people to the ring, one a waitress claiming AJ and Cena were getting “friendly” with each other in a restaurant, and the other was a dude implying he had pics of them “doing it” in the back of a car. AJ came out to confront her, followed by John Cena, who accused Vicki of harassing people just to get attention. He decided to show her how it’s done and planted a kiss on AJ. He turned to Vicki but AJ grabbed him and JUMPED HIM LIKE A FACE HUGGER IN ALIENS! The kiss went well over a minute while Vicki threw a tantrum. (Why?) Ziggler runs out and jumps Cena. Cena tries to give Ziggler the “Attitude Adjustment,” Ziggler escapes, and Cena goes after him, twisting his left knee in the process.
We see Cena get his knee taped up backstage.
AJ goes to Vicki, asking what she plans to do about it. Vicki, flanked by Tamina Snuka, says nothing. AJ says she will.
AJ heads for the locker room with Layla trying to talk her out of it. AJ blows her off and goes in to confront Ziggler. Ziggler gives her a verbal dressing down (VERBAL you pervs,) and AJ goes off on him. Cena pulls her off and Ziggler jumps him. The two men go crashing into a toilet stall, and Ziggler wails away on Cena until Titus pulls him off. Ziggler gets in one last shot to Cena’s bad knee.
Okay….
1. Why would Vicki and Ziggler be upset about this? Didn’t Cena and AJ CONFIRM everything they were being accused of? And let’s say they did…
2. SO PHKING WHAT!? What does this prove? Two single, consenting adults have decided to date, WHAT HAS VICKI “WON?”
Here’s the thing, when Vicki started this crap, it made SOME sense. AJ was RAW GM; Vicki wanted her out and wanted her job. AJ QUIT trying to protect John. VICKI GOT THE JOB (sort off.) WHY IS THIS STILL A THING? Vicki has won. There is no reason, story-line, OR OTHERWISE for Vicki to keep this up.
Now before you argue “she wants to drive AJ out of WWE,” let me remind you, AJ WAS ON HER WAY OUT WHEN THIS STARTED! VICKI HIRED HER BACK! Vicki could’ve been free of AJ weeks ago. You could say Vicki is jealous of AJ, and wants to torture her, AND YOU WOULD BE GIVING HER AN ACTUAL MOTIVE! SOMETHING WWE DID NOT DO!
Side Note: I don’t know if Cena is legit hurt or it’s just an angle, but it looks like in either scenario, he’s out of the title picture.
2. THE CELEBRATION OF C.M. PUNK – The storyline with the least attention had the best payoff. We begin with Heyman at the top of the show holding up a poster of Punk and planning a big celebration for the champ. Punk comes out to hear his praises. Matt Stryker tries to get an interview and Punk threatens him. Heyman tries to smooth things over saying tonight is a celebration and everyone is invited, including Ryback.
We get short backstage segments featuring Heyman abusing crew members while planning the party, including one where Heyman demands “BALLOONS” manically, and one where he assures Punk nothing will ruin their celebration.
The final segment of the evening has Heyman in the ring. He calls the audience on the hypocrisy of chanting “ECW” when they see him, and booing him for his joke at Lawler’s expense last week. They say they want the Attitude era back, but get all upset when they get a taste of it. Punk comes out and points out to us that he did something Brett Hart, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, The Undertaker, and The Rock couldn’t do, hold the WWE title for one calendar year. We get a video package of Punk’s year-long reign, followed by Heyman and Punk running down all the great stars that couldn’t beat Punk and congratulating each other.
Ryback comes out, but gets jumped by NXT talents Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, and Roman Reins. Ryback tries to fight them off, but they end up putting him through an announce table, just like at Survivor Series. RAW ends with the champ, cautiously, standing with one foot on Ryback and his title in the air.
Okay, LOVING IT! This is the first RAW this year that ends with Punk standing tall over a fallen enemy. I’m hoping this leads to a Punk-led stable of young talent rallying to their hero’s side and becoming a major force in WWE. (Of course, WWE will most likely push this as a bunch of punks trying to get attention and Punk will get written into a feud with Hornswoggle.) Nonetheless, this is the first time in months that WWE has tried to make Punk look “relatively” good on television. It is a welcome change.
Overall, if this RAW had dropped the AJ scandal B.S. it would’ve been the strongest RAW in a long time. We got a LOT of actual wrestling where most people looked strong even in defeat.
So, while I’m not in LOVE with the product right now, this has been a step in the right direction.
Question; WHEN DID TNA IMPACT START BOOKING WWE SHOWS? Let’s break it down, angles we don’t care about getting stretched WAY past the point we care, angles we might care about getting cut short, face/heel turns out of nowhere, any of this sounding familiar? We’re gonna look at last night’s RAW to find out.
The show opened with a special Veteran’s Day tribute to our military from John Cena, as a voice over; followed by a recap of last week with a dramatic voice over similar to “TMZ” or a promo for a soap opera. The voice over recapped the current major storylines including Lawler returning after a heart attack, Vicki’s crusade to embarrass AJ/Cena, C.M. Punk holding the WWE title for 358 days and facing Cena tonight, and Brad Maddox screwing Ryback and facing him tonight for a $1,000,000 contract.
Yes, WWE is using a dramatic voice over guy just like TNA Impact, just like TMZ, and every sleazy tabloid show. Why? I don’t know. I probably won’t in this life time.
RANDY ORTON DEF DOLPH ZIGGLER – Fast-paced back and forth match-up with a lot of high-impact spots in a short span of time. Match ends when Alberto Del Rio tries to distract Orton with a run in, and Orton side steps Ziggler’s fame-asser, getting the pin with a roll up.
ADR and Ziggler (w/Ricardo Rodriguez) gave Orton a beat down until WWE Intercontinental champion made the save. Teddy Long, Senior Advisor to Smackdown GM Booker T, came out and made this a tag team match (per usual.)
DEL RIO/ZIGGLER DEF ORTON/KINGSTON – Interesting moment when Kingston had a pin on Del Rio. It seemed to me the ref had to stop short on his count because Ziggler was out of position and late w/the save. Ziggler-Rio get the win after Rodriguez distracts Kingston and Del Rio hits an inziguri to the back of the head for a pin.
Any reason they just couldn’t book a tag team match in the first place? Why waste the time?
(I’m guessing because SOMEBODY wasn’t willing to job out; coughing noises, RANDY ORTON, coughing noises.)
We were reminded of Jerry Lawler’s return later tonight, and shown Vicki Guerro making her way to the ring from backstage.
We returned from break with Dolph and Vicki in the ring, discussing the definition of “Scandal,” and Dolph staying out to find the truth. We recapped Vicki’s video “evidence” with Dolph riffing on Cena and AJ. Vicki ordered AJ to come out to explain herself and kept demanding AJ admit that she’s having an affair as the crowd vehemently chanted “Shut up Vicki!” AJ admitted only to being “friends” with John and made a joke about Vicki throwing her “considerable” weight around. Vicki responded by playing voice mails from AJ’s phone, each one sounding like an intimate talk with Cena. AJ insisted they were faked and Ziggler asked if those nights in Cena’s hotel room were more disappointing than not speaking to him anymore. Cena came out but was stopped short by AJ, who slapped Ziggler right in the face followed by a big right hand by Cena. Ziggler and Vicki run off as we were reminded that Cena will face Punk in the main event tonight.
1.) WHY IS THIS STILL A THING!? Vicki HAS what she wanted, power over RAW, not that she’s using it for anything. And what good is attacking Cena doing her or Ziggler? You could say it’s strictly for attention, AND YOU’D BE GIVING US MORE MOTIVE THAT THE PEOPLE WRITING THIS DAMN SHOW DID!
2.) WHY IS THIS A “SCANDAL!?” Cena is divorced; AJ is not GM of RAW anymore, TRIPLE H MARRIED HIS BOSSES DAUGHTER WHILE HE WAS STILL AN ACTIVE WRESTLER! If they are having a “thing,” WHERE IS THE CONFLICT? WHAT IS THE BASIS OF VICKI’S COMPLAINT!? Vicki has nothing to gain here. She’s being an abusive authority figure for the sake of being an abusive authority figure. It’s annoying, tired, and played out.
3.) WHAT DOES ZIGGLER HAVE TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS? I don’t understand why Ziggler is helping Vicki take jabs at AJ and Cena, since Cena isn’t facing Ziggler at Survivor Series.
We get another look at World heavyweight Champion Big Show jumping Sheamus and Stephen Regal in a pub on last week’s Smackdown before going to an ad for IAVA.com, an organization dedicated to Iraqi/Afghanistan war veterans.
We came back to AJ and Cena backstage talking about Vicki and Dolph persecuting AJ over something that never happened, or could happen. AJ asked “never could happen?” A suddenly tongue tied Cena left the scene with AJ smiling at him. (Author’s note to Cena: RUN! FOR GOD’S SAKE RUN!)
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION BIG SHOW DEF WILLIAM REGAL – Sadly, little more than a squash as it was mostly Regal selling Show’s offense and getting in brief moments of resistance. After the match, Show threatened to KO Regal with the big right hand, however Sheamus made the save, getting Show down and putting the boots to him. Show runs off as Sheamus looks after Regal.
KAITLIN DEF LAYLA – We went right into this match from the break. The match barley went five minutes until Kaitlin caught Layla in her arms. After what I thought was a botched slam (I was wrong,) Kaitlyn hits a reverse DDT for the three-count. Divas Champ Eve Torres, guest commentator at ringside, stands up and we get a stare-down. After that, we get another look at Lawler having a heart attack and an announcement of his big return next.
We came back to Michael Cole and Jim Ross in the ring, introducing Jerry Lawler. Lawler made his way into the ring and gave both Cole and JR a hug. Lawler thanked the crowd for their support and compared his situation to the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life,” in that a near-death experience let him see how much he was loved. At that moment, WWE heavyweight champion C.M. Punk came out with Heyman. Punk mentioned how glad he was that Lawler left the ring before Punk beat him to death “again.” He accused Lawler of “disrespectful,” “bad taste”, by way of trying to go toe-to-toe with the champion at 62 years old. He said shame on you to the crowd for blaming him for Lawler’s attack, and that it’s nobody’s fault but Lawler’s. He reminded us all that he’s been champion 358 days and is now 9th longest reigning champion of all time. Lawler jokes about Punk’s reign being on “life support,” and Heyman responded by faking a heart attack. After Punk “saved” Heyman, Mick Foley came out to call Punk on the carpet. Punk claimed that since he got pulled out of the Survivor Series tag match, he and Foley had no business with each other, and Foley should concentrate on filling the “gaping hole” in his team. Foley responded by saying the WWE universe would decide who would get that spot late tonight. Punk suggested to Foley changing the team name to “Team Worthless,” in reference to him, his team, and the fans. Foley cut him off sharply, and let Punk in on a little secret about Lawler, “HE WAS DEAD!” He went on to say Punk didn’t care about lessons or respect. Punk referred to Foley as a “goof” who jumped off his roof. Foley informed Punk he would be the “special guest enforcer” in his match w/John Cena. Foley leaves with a “Have a Nice Day,” for Punk. We were shown a graphic confirming we would in fact have the option via Raw-active Twitter poll, and we went to break with a look at Brad Maddox.
We came back to Punk yelling at Heyman to “Fix it,” referring to Punk’s problems with Cena, Foley, Ryback, and the Maddox issue. After that, we go to ringside for the respective entrances of Sin Cara and Mysterio. Lawler was back at ringside. Justin Gabriel, Tyson Kidd, Primo, Epico, and the Prime Time Players (Titus O’Neal/Darren Young,) were in the ring.
8 MAN TAG: MYSTERIO, SIN CARA, GABRIEL/KIDD DEF. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS/PRIMO & EPICO W/ROSA MENDEZ – Good solid trading of back and forth tag team offense to start off. Ricardo Rodriguez came out to give Rosa a note, upsetting Primo before we went to break. If I remember correctly, they hinted at a Del Rio/Rosa paring a few years ago, when Del Rio first came in. It’s nice to see them finally resolving that loose end.
Match ends with Mysterio hitting the 619, and Gabriel hitting the 450 on Young for the pin. The match is followed by an ad for the National Guard, and a camera shot of Ohio National guard members in the audience, along with a “Thank You,” from WWE.
Backstage: Brad Maddox prepped for his match when Heyman approached him. We went to break as they walked off.
We came back to a promo for “Fandango” and a backstage segment with Ziggler and Miz giving each other a hard time. Foley steps in and Ziggler walks off. Foley gives Ziggler a “hi,” from Amy Schumer. Miz asks Foley for a spot on the RAW-active ballot and Foley agrees. Our choices to vote for via Twitter were #Santino, #Ryder, #Miz.
Now is it me, or should this have gotten WAY more build up? Wouldn’t it have made sense for Ziggler to have been needling Miz about his losses over the last few weeks, building up to Miz wanting to settle things with him and seeing this as his opportunity? And why didn’t Foley come to Miz with the offer? Wouldn’t that have gotten Miz some credit?
R-TRUTH DEF. TENSAI – U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro came out to call everyone fat and rude before joining the announce team. During the match, Cole and Lawler made a big deal of Cesaro carrying a satchel. Cesaro explained it was there to carry whatever he needed. R-truth dominated the match with high-spot offense and got the pin w/a “Little Jimmy.” Truth and Cesaro traded jabs at ringside, including a joke by Truth about Cesaro being “Europe in my face.”
After that, we get a look at the new WWE 13, video game, featuring Ryback destroying a player created Brad Maddox.
After a break we get a recap of the Brad Maddox situation leading up to tonight’s “Million Dollar Challenge,” as well as a recap of Vicki and Dolph tormenting Cena and AJ, AND a recap of Foley, Ziggler, Miz.
RYBACK DEF BRAD MADDOX – As Maddox came out, we saw an ambulance pull up to the side of the stage and Brad get visibly rattled. Brad walked to the ring as we were treated to a PIP promo of Brad claiming no one will forget his name. Ryback came out next, followed by a stretcher. The entire match is Ryback decimating Maddox, with Maddox getting ZERO offense. The match ends with Ryback getting the Shell-shock and the pin. After the match, medics try to take Maddox out on the stretcher but Ryback attacks, dumping Maddox off the stretcher and tossing him like garbage into the ambulance.
So, that whole thing with Heyman meant NOTHING!? That whole “million dollar challenge thing” goes NOWHERE? WHAT WAS THE POINT!?
Here’s another thing, let’s play this out on paper. A desperate young man, who’s had setback after setback, finally has a chance at his dream job and a million dollar contract, if he can beat an unstoppable monster. As he makes his way to the arena, the monster’s boss sends out an ambulance and a stretcher to intimidate him. Now if this were anywhere else in the world beside WWE RAW, who would YOU think was the “good guy?” And I know what Maddox did at HitC, what I’m saying is this makes Ryback look more like a heel than it does Maddox. And since Maddox lost, it comes off anti-climatic. The resolution falls flat.
SHEAMUS DEF. DAVID OTUNGA – We get a recap of Sheamus going after Big Show earlier tonight. While Sheamus destroys Otunga, Regal watches on the monitor in the back. Sheamus gets the pin with a combo of “White Noise,” and the “Brogue Kick.”
Backstage: Big Show attacks Regal.
We came back from break. Josh Mathews updates us on Regal’s condition. It’s a concussion and maybe a broken jaw. We go to a promo for the Wounded Warrior Project, an outfit designed to help returning soldiers with medical and psychological injuries.
Backstage: Kane makes his way to the ring when Daniel Bryan confronts him. They argue about Kane tagging with someone besides him with Bryan playing the role of jealous girlfriend. Bryan suggests going to Foley to protest but Kane just disappears on him. Bryan goes into his “NO!” routine much to the crowd’s delight.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION KANE AND THE MIZ DEF. TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS (CODY RHODES/DAMIAN SANDOW) – Miz wins the RAW-active twitter poll to be Kane’s partner, and the crowd seems happy about it. Daniel Bryan comes out, seemingly to cheer on Kane. During the match, Bryan managed to distract Miz, setting up an opening for the Rhodes Scholars to take over. The match ends with Bryan going after Miz but Miz sending him crashing into Rhodes. Kane gets the pin with the choke-slam, and Bryan and Miz argue over Kane.
I just wrote that.
Yeah.
Daniel Bryan is now Kane’s jealous girlfriend. I’m just moving on….
We take a look at WWE’s annual tribute to the troops, and our main event is up next.
JOHN CENA DEF. WWE CHAMPION C.M. PUNK – Foleys out first as “special enforcer,” followed by Punk w/Heyman, and John Cena. The crowd is actually split between a man who’s granted a record 300 Make-a-Wish foundation visits and a man who mocked someone for having a heart attack.
We came back from a break to find Punk in control of the match. Point of interest is Punk applying a “new/improved” version of the “Anaconda Vice,” down on the mat, hands locked behind Cena’s head w/the left leg hooked under the chin. Cena eventually escapes and takes over. Heyman runs in but is caught off by Cena, and Foley drags Heyman out. Punk tries to limp away from the match but Ryback is out and chases him back into Cena’s clutches. Cena gets the pin w/the AA. The match ends with Cena and Ryback staring each other down, both clutching the belt, with Punk on the outside, looking like he’s gonna cry.
You know, this DOES work in terms of story. We have two of the most powerful forces in the WWE on a collision course, with the defending champion either caught in the middle, or getting shut out altogether. The problem is I don’ see it as a story; I see it as THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF HOW WWE DOES THIS. I often tell myself that WWE is trying to book Punk like Ric Flair, the clever heel champ who always finds a way to weasel out of losing the title, but then I remember Flair was never treated like a prison bitch.
In conclusion, this show didn’t really do anything to sell me on Survivor Series this Sunday. All they did was rush through angles they failed to build up properly over the past month. Do you know what my advice to WWE is?
Since I tend to grab the non-spoiler match card before writing this, it gives me an idea of what type of suffering I am about to enter into. And dear lord, this one looks redundant and bad. Let’s see if the actual show delivers regardless, shall we?
Resident ThinkSoJoE was at this event, he might get involved.
Oh, bye bye Kelly Kelly Kelly! No one will miss you! (more…)
DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/VICKI) DEF KOFI KINGSTON (w/R-TRUTH and LITTLE JIMMY) – Before the match begins; R-Truth and “little jimmy” get into an argument with Vicki at ringside. Vicki takes a drink in the face and the referee sends her, Truth and “Jimmy” to the back. The match is a high-flying spot-fest with both men taking huge bumps back and forth. Ziggler sends Kofi head-first into the corner, and gets the three-count with the Zig-Zag.
PRIME TIME PLAYAS DEF RYDER/SANTINO – This is a quick and simple tag match. Titus O’Neal gets a blind tag while Santino sets up the “Cobra” for Darren Young. O’Neal gets the three-count with a spine-buster.
RYBACK DEF THE MIZ – Miz doesn’t get squashed in the true sense, but the end is a foregone conclusion with Ryback crushing him with the “meat hook.” During the match, a fan tries to run in but is taken out fast by security.
WADE BARRETT DEF TYSON KIDD – Little more than a squash. Barrett wins with the “souvenir.”
SHEAMUS, SIN CARA, REY MYSTERIO DEF ALBERTO DEL RIO, DAVID OTUNGA, RICARDO RODRIGUEZ – RAW GM AJ Lee made this match during a backstage segment, explaining to Del Rio and co. that this was their chance to get payback on Sheamus for injuring each of them with the “Brogue Kick.” Match ends with Ricardo taking a 619 and a Swanton from Sin Cara after Sheamus cleans house. Sheamus puts the period on this with a Brogue Kick to Ricardo.
Side Note: At one point, it looked like Sin Cara tagged Sheamus, but Rey was allowed to come in.
Was this a botch perhaps?
EVE/BETH PHEONIX DEF LAYLA/ALICIA FOX – A throwaway tag, with Beth doing most of the work, Eve stealing the win with a neck-breaker, and Layla doing nothing but taking a shot to the face. After the match, Kaitlin comes out, on a crutch with a taped ankle. She says she got a hold of the security camera footage from NOC, and it shows her attacker. You can’t see her face, but you can tell she had blond hair. Eve points the finger at Beth and lays her out with the neck-breaker.
BRODUS CLAY VS TENSAI – NO CONTEST – This match isn’t much more than trading head-butts and missing splashes until THE BIG SHOW makes his return to RAW. He walks down to the ring, clocks both men with the WMD, and just stands there until they play his music.
SEGMENTS
The show opens with Punk and Heyman in the ring, holding the show hostage. Punk sits while Heyman calls last week’s main event a great injustice, showing us footage of Cena getting the three-count on Punk while his foot was clearly on the ropes. Heyman calls out the referee from last week, referee Maddox. He demands an apology and that Maddox resigns on the spot. Maddox is happy to apologize but will not resign. Punk goes off on him.
“HOW DO YOU WALK DOWN HERE AND PRETEND TO BE A MAN?”-C.M. Punk
Punk calls him an inexperienced scab, and Heyman offers him a blindfold bearing both the NFL and WWE logos. During his rant, Punk calls AJ Lee an “idiot.”
AJ Lee skips down to ringside. In the ring, she sends Maddox to the back. Paul assumes she is here to reverse last week’s decision.
“When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me… but mostly you.” AJ Lee.
AJ Lee tries to shut Punk down, but Punk responds with a demand for respect and a recap of AJ proposing to him last summer. If she agrees to forget about the match last week, he’ll forget about her sending him dirty texts and voice mails, and dares her to tell the audience about their torrid affair.
“I’m the reason there’s a spring in your step!” – C.M. Punk
Heyman steps in here with a MARRAGE PROPOSAL! He offers to make AJ the most powerful woman in WWE. He’ll come up with ideas and she can take the credit. AJ responds with a slap to his face.
I gotta say, I was impressed with AJ here. She was sharing mike time w/two of the best in this business and more than held her own. She came off clever and strong, despite having the least dialogue.
Backstage: Maddox thanks AJ for sticking up for him and apologizes to her as well. She makes it quite clear that if he messes up like that again he will NEVER work in this industry again. She goes into “evil mode” and accuses him of embarrassing her.
After recapping the Kane/Bryan-Rhodes/Sandow issue on Smackdown, we go to a restaurant where Daniel Bryan is with his anger management therapist Dr. Shelby. The doc has arranged a role-play tonight where Kane is “Gerald” and he will be Daniel’s waiter for tonight. Kane goes into a monologue about pulling the beard off the cook’s face and deep frying it, sprinkling a little bit of it on every dish he’s served. After the bit, we’re told we can choose the official name for their tag team as part of RAW-active later tonight.
At this point, I’m declaring this bit dead. They’ve dragged it out as long as they possibly can.
Promo for the Susan Komen foundation and breast cancer awareness month
Mick Foley is tonight’s special guest! He comes out to address the C.M. Punk issue. The C.M. Punk issue comes down to address Foley. In one of the best promo-duels I’ve ever heard, Foley tells Punk that he needs to disregard Heymans’s advice and think for himself, and he needs to face Cena in a Hell in the Cell match to cement his legacy. Punk takes a shot at the crowd and runs down his list of wins over Cena. He says the WWE universe turned on him, and he doesn’t need to risk his health/body/career for them. He’s held the title for over 300 days and will hold it longer. Foley held the title three times for a total of 29 days. Statistics don’t matter, it’s the moments that we show what we’re made of that counts.
Back at the restaurant, Kane and Bryan agree they can never be friends, but they sure did like beating down men with chairs last Friday on Smackdown. Kane slams the table repeatedly to bring back the feeling. Bryan responds with a growing “YES!” chant. Once the reach the… conclusion, we cut to MAE YOUNG!
“I’ll definitely have what they’re having.” – Mae Young.
The next segment is the Jerry Lawler interview with Michael Cole. He is recuperating just fine but doesn’t even remember the match he wrestled last week. He woke up in the hospital thinking he was in Aruba with his girlfriend. He is leaving his return date up to the doctors.
Back at the restaurant, Dr. Shelby has convinced Kane to try a salad, and Bryan to try a meatball, as part of an “understanding” exercise. Kane tries some lettuce and responds with a huge belch. Bryan seems to like the meatball at first, but soon winds up barfing in Dr. Shelby’s lap.
We are given our choices for naming the team.
#Team Teamwork
#Team Hell No
#Team Friendship
After the break, Kane and Bryan are in the ring waiting the official selection…
#Team Hell No
While Bryan/Kane fight their confusion, Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow attack. They leave the champs lying and introduce themselves as “Team Rhodes-Scholars.”
Recap: Heyman proposal to AJ
Our Main Event of the evening; a John Cena Promo!
Cena comes out to thank the WWE universe for their support of the Susan G. Komen foundation and Breast Cancer Awareness month. He apologizes for C.M. Punk’s lies and misrepresentations. Punk comes out to call Cena a lying politician. He gives Cena a choice; five seconds to leave the ring, or get hurt badly. Five seconds later, Cena nails Punk in the stomach with a lead pipe.
Backstage, Punk staggers along the hall, passing Mick Foley. Punk walks back to kick him in the groin, and starts to walk off. He turns to give Foley a piece of his mind, and meets the stare of Ryback.
All in all, pretty basic RAW, with the tease of a Ryback/Punk match up being the only “big” surprise.
Sigh. What can I say? Night of Champions was actually really good. Nobody had a near-death experience on RAW, you would think all is right in the world. But sadly no, see the NHL is locked out. Yes, this is a wrestling site, true. But, man I share the sentiments of many fans who have disdain for both the owners and the players stealing the NHL from us over greed. Terrible. Perhaps Smackdown will lift my spirits? Perhaps some one might show up on the program we haven’t seen in a while? Let’s hop to it, shall we? (more…)
First, I want to apologize for the lateness of this article. There was a death in my family this week, and it took precedent over anything else. MATCH RESULTS
REY MYSTERIO AND SIN CARA DEF EPICO AND PRIMO – After the match, Rey-Cara were ambushed by the Prime Time Players, who said they were the rightful number one contenders to the tag title and wouldn’t let anyone take anything from them ever again.
EVE TORRES (DIVAS CHAMPION) DEF BETH PHEONIX – The broadcast team spent this match speculating over whether or not Eve got her title match by injuring Kaitlin, the scheduled opponent for then champ Layla, who joined the team at ringside. Layla tried to take up the debate, but faltered.
BRODUS CLAY DEF HEATH SLATER – U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro joined the broadcast team to set up a potential feud with Brodus.
DOLPH ZIGGLER DEF SANTINO MARELLA – Marella got distracted trying to get his “Cobra” back from Vicki Guerro at ringside, leaving him vulnerable to two “Zigzags.”
WADE BARRETT DEF JUSTIN GABRIEL – Little more than a squash to build up Barrett.
TEAM FRIENDSHIP DEF KINGSTON/R-TRUTH – Kane and Bryan constantly arguing left them vulnerable to double-teaming and high-impact spots, however Bryan brought the belts home with the “no” lock.
RANDY ORTON DEF TENSAI – This was the basic “face takes a beating but keeps coming back,” routine. Orton wins with the RKO.
DAMIEN SANDOW DEF ZACK RYDER – Ryder actually looked good here, even getting a close two-count with the “broski boot,” but in the end it was another win for Sandow. Prior to this match, Sandow came out to remind us that this was back-to-school season, and attempted to give the crowd a “vocabulary lesson,” by running them down with terms like “ignoramuses,” and “miscreants.” This leads to a (heated) debate by the announcers over what counts as a “big word.”
SHEAMUS AND JOHN CENA DEF C.M. PUNK AND ALBERTO DEL RIO – We got a fast-paced back and forth, with everyone getting a piece of everyone else. Match ends with Cena getting an AA on Punk for the three-count despite Punk having a foot clearly on the ropes. Punk actually badgers the ref all the way to the back about the decision.
Highlights of the night included both Jim Ross and John Bradshaw Layfield joining Cole on commentary, and a repeated update on Jerry Lawler. He is home in Memphis, recuperating and will be on RAW next week for a special interview.
Overall, a solid, if uneventful RAW; at least till the end
Clearly, with the Jerry Lawler incident on RAW, this will be a somber episode. The WWE still has a PPV this Sunday to promote as well. I guess we should just hop to it, shall we? (more…)
