RANDY ORTON/JERRY LAWLER DEF C.M. PUNK (WWE CHAMPION)/DOLPH ZIGGLER
RYBACK DEF HEATH SLATER
KANE/DANIEL BRYAN DEF PRIME TIME PLAYERS – KANE/BRYAN NEW #1 CONTENDERS TO THE TAG TEAM TITLE
ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF TYSON KIDD BY SUBMISSION
SHEAMUS DEF DAVID OTUNGA
CODY RHODES DEF REY MYSTERIO
In the ring promo – John Cena cuts his best promo ever on C.M. Punk.
RAW ends with Michael Cole cheering on Jerry Lawler to recover
Here’s the big issue tonight, Jerry Lawler collapses at ringside during the Kane/Bryan-PTP match. At the time of this writing, according to PWInsider/World Wrestling Insanity.com, Lawler is supposedly in stable condition, breathing on his own, and awaiting a cat-scan. No one knows anything else at this time.
This is taking on scary connotations for fans as this happened in Montreal, during a guest appearance by Brett Hart, drawing comparisons to the Owen Hart tragedy of 1997(?)
DOLPH ZIGGLER DEF. RANDY ORTON – Match ends with Ziggler charging Orton in the corner, Orton swings up, Ziggler hits the post, Orton tries a school-boy roll-up, Ziggler reverses it for a three-count, holding the trunks. SIN CARA/MYSTERIO DEF. TENSAI/CODY RHODES – Rey h0its the 619 on Cody but is outside the ring when he tags Sin Cara. Ref makes them re-tag and Cara hits a Swanton for three. C.M. PUNK (WWE CHAMPION) VS SHEAMUS (WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION) – Doesn’t happen; Punk in street clothes decides to take a personal day and leaves. SHEAMUS DEF. JACK SWAGGER – Sheamus wins with the Texas Clover leaf leg-lock. After the match, Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez attack Sheamus. Ricardo winds up taking a brogue-kick meant for Del Rio. He sells it so long I start to think he’s legit hurt. EVE DEF. KAITLYN – Eve wins with a neck-breaker. Match is booked to make Eve look like she’s playing nice until she gets an opening for a cheap shot. RYBACK DEF. JINDER MAHAL – Ryback scores the pin with the meat-hook. KANE & DANIEL BRYAN “HUG OUT” – So, after a series of “anger management” sketches, Bryan and Kane agree to meet in the ring. General Manager AJ lets us decide their fate via “Twitter poll.” The WWE universe votes for them to “hug it out.” Meaning they have to hug each other.
They have to hug each other.
Yeah
After stalling a good few minutes, Bryan eventually hugs Kane. Kane eventually hugs Bryan. They eventually hug each other. Then they start shoving each other. Then they start fighting. It ends with Bryan knocking Kane off the top rope with a chair. U.S. CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: ANTONIO CESARO (U.S. CHAMPION) DEF. SANTINO MORELLA – Santino spends the entire match trying to make up his mind about using the cobra. Cesaro finishes this farce with his pile-driver variation. ZACK RYDER DEF. HEATH SLATER – Ryder wins with the rough-rider. ALBERTO DEL RIO DEF. JOHN CENA: FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE – A scary brawl that actually spilled out all the way to backstage. Cena throws Del Rio through the interview area and gives him the AA. Alberto lands on a luggage container and C.M. PUNK hits Cena with a kick to the head out of nowhere. Punk pulls Del Rio on Cena for a three-count, and then Cena takes a GTS face first onto Punk’s car. As the car drives off, PAUL HEYMAN looks out the window and winces. THE GOOD • THE FINISH – The main event was actually exciting. Nice to see people who understand what “falls count anywhere” means. Punk getting Del Rio a win over Cena was the right way to get people hyped for the PPV. Paul Heymans cameo as Punks driver got me excited. I am marking out big-time for the possibility of him teaming up with Punk. • ANGER MANAGEMENT – As stupid as these bits are, at least Kane and Bryan have made them watchable. Funny moment was when they both bailed on “Harold;” during a trust fall exercise, and the “doctor” losing his patients with his patients. THE BAD
Oh God, where to begin? • COMMENTARY – Intercontinental champion The Miz joined the commentary team tonight. It was weird. Miz and Michael Cole seemed to be taking turns playing face. Oddly enough, Cole seemed to be working as the face announcer most of the night. It was kind of confusing. When Divas Champ Layla came out to join them for the Kaitlin/Eve match, Miz jumped all over her. They got into a Jerry Springer like shouting match with Cole desperately playing ref, with NO-ONE playing attention to the match. • EVE VS KAITLIN – Actually decent; but BURIED by Miz and Layla bitching each other out. Also, Eve gets the win and makes a big show of offering Layla a handshake. You can see their feud coming a mile away, so what’s the point of making Kaitlin #1 contender if you want to do an Eve/Layla program? Why didn’t they just make Eve #1 contender? • THE HUG – Screw you WWE universe. You’re buying into the WWE BS and voting for what they want you to vote for. You are getting the show you deserve. THE UGLY • AJ – Sweet mother, can we pull the plug on this experiment already? This whole night seemed to be more about AJ losing control than anything else. From people walking out on her to the breakdown in the ring, it’s like WWE wanted to make some point about any woman NOT named McMahon being in charge. Unless they’re setting up a Zach Ryder sized de-push, they need to have AJ quit this job and reactivate her as an active roster member so she can kill Vicki. • VICKI AND “INVISIBLE” AJ – Just stop. Please just stop. Wrestling doesn’t do topical humor. Wrestling doesn’t need to do topical humor. For those playing along at home, Clint Eastwood was a guest speaker at the Republican National Convention last week, and did a “bit” with an empty chair representing Barack Obama. Vicki decided to pick up on this and do the same thing with AJ. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t even relevant to the show, because AJ showed up. • SANTINO’S “COBRA” – George Steel Is face palming this crap.
RYTMANS RANT
WHY ARE WE BOOKING THIS GODDMN SHOW?!?
Seriously, what is the deal with the twitter polls? Why not just let us book the whole damn show via twitter? AND WHY WOULD WE VOTE FOR A HUG!? AND WHY DID WE!?!?!?
I just…..
Ugh.
So, apparently I’m supposed to write some kind of intro paragraph for these things. A paragraph usually is constituted with a few sentences that correlate to an idea and supports the content within. Furthermore, including this sentence, I count three strings of words. Done. Let’s hop to it, shall we? (more…)
KOFI INGSTON & R-TRUTH W/SIN CARA def. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS W/CODY RHODES – Before the match, we get a recap of Truth celebrating his teams win at Summerslam by dumping Gatorade on little Jimmy, and a shot of the unflattering cartoon Cody Rhodes had made up of Sin Cara. Kofi and Truth started of the match with fast paced double-teaming on each of the PTP while Sin Cara ran off Rhodes. The heels took control on R-Truth, until he makes the hot tag to Sin Cara. Kofi and Truth take out the PTP’s while Cody and Cara wind up the match. Cody’s obsession with Cara’s mask gets him pinned for the three-count.
RYBACK def. MIKE SPINNER & ANDY TAVARES – Another Ryback squash with Jinder Mahal running in to get in a sneak attack. Ryback fights him off with his jawbreaker variation and proceeds to kill the jobbers while Mahal runs off.
RANDY ORTON def. ALBERTO DEL RIO – Del Rio leaves the car in the back and storms out angry. He shows us a picture from his match with Sheamus at Summerslam, proving his foot was clearly on the ropes and demands a rematch with Sheamus right now. AJ skips out and greets Alberto with “hello” in Spanish. (I don’t know how to spell it.) She can’t give him a shot at Sheamus because that’s Booker T’s call. She does give him a match and tells him to “say hello” to his “little friend.” Randy Orton comes out. After the break, Sheamus comes out to join commentary. The match is back and forth with a lot of striking, stomping, and highspots. Del Rio goes for the win but Sheamus gets the ref to see Orton’s foot on the rope. Del Rio gets hot with Sheamus and turns around into an RKO, for a three-count.
DAMIEN SANDOW def. BRODUS CLAY – We start off with a brief recap of the feud and how Sandow hurt Clay’s leg. As Sandow walks to the ring, we get picture-in-picture comments from Sandow vowing to get rid of Clay once and for all. We’re welcome. The match is basically Brodus tossing and squashing Sandow, and Sandow going after the bad knee. Sandow dodges a charge and rolls up Clay for a three-count with a hand full of tights, despite Clay NOT having both shoulders down, but I guess I’m the only one who cares. After the match, Clay got his revenge with a t-bone suplex and the big splash on Sandow. And we get a celebratory hug from the Funkadactyls and a dance party with kids.
BIG SHOW def DAVID OTUNGA – Earlier tonight, Otunga offered his legal services to AJ, but made the mistake of using the “c” word. (NOT THAT C-WORD! THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW! “CRAZY!” HE SAID “CRAZY!”) AJ ordered him to wrestle an opponent of her choice. This was a straight-up squash, with an angry Show just overwhelming Otunga with a brutal beat-down.
KANE & ZACK RYDER vs. BRYAN AND THE MIZ: NO CONTEST – AJ ordered this match as a way of making Kane and Bryan deal with “anger issues.” The match ends with the heels bailing (in Bryan’s case, through the crowd,) and Kane brutalizing the timekeeper and Tomb-stoning Ryder.
KAITLIN WINS DIVA ROYAL – Sloppy filler, dragged out to long. Kaitlin wins by eliminating Eve, and becomes new #1 contender to the Divas title, held by Layla, who was at ringside.
DOLPH ZIGGLER def. CHRIS JERICHO: CONTRACT VS. CONTRACT – Earlier in the night, AJ skipped in on an argument between Jericho and Ziggler and made this match with the stipulation that if Jericho wins, he gets Ziggler’s MiTB briefcase, and if Ziggler wins, Jericho’s contract is cancelled. The match is a face paced exchange of back and forth high-spots, including a scary flip off the top rope that I’m not sure went according to plan. Jericho hooked Ziggler under the arms with his legs, and flipped backwards, tossing Ziggler up and over. Ziggler landed on his head and it looked scary. Match ends with Jericho’s Lionsault hitting Ziggler’s knees and a Zig-Zag for the three-count. After the match, Jericho beats Ziggler down with his own briefcase.
HIGHLIGHTS
•Paul Heyman opening the show with Lesnar – Heyman coins the term “Brocktagon,” and refers to Brock as the new “King of Kings,” and “Lord and Master of the WWE.” Lesnar calls out the ref from Sunday night’s Summerslam match to tell him two words – “good job.”
•AJ coming out to book Orton/Del Rio – She came off slightly racist with the Spanish hello and Scarface quote.
•Summerslam Recap – Antonio Cesaro winning the US title and “touting” from the ring, followed by Summerslam week highlights in L.A. (Santino working in a restaurant, Be a Star anniversary, Divas on the red carpet.)
•Shawn Michaels Live Satellite interview – Shawn sells the schmaltz big with his confession that he should’ve told hunter he couldn’t beat Brock. He tells Hunter “I love you,” “We all love you,” “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
•C.M. Punk offering Cena a title shot IF he admits Punk is the “best in the world.” Cena refuses and dares Punk to pick someone else.
•Punk demanding an apology from Lawler – Lawler apologizes, but when he refuses to call Punk “the best in the world,” he gets a kick to the back of the head.
TWITTER AND TOUTS
•Punk on Tout, announcing he would pick his own #1 contender that night.
•The entire WWE universe – Commenting on Hunter/Lesnar; via Twitter
•Summerslam recap interviews: Punk demands respect, Cena is disappointed, Big Show is angry.
RYTMANS’ RANT
No one thing to rant about this week. I have to admit that for the most part, his show was pretty solid and kept moving nicely. Of course, they STILL went overtime but…
I do want to comment on how badly Alberto Del Rio and Sheamus are being booked. Sheamus is losing credibility as a champion, as he can’t seem to finish off this feud convincingly. And the whole “taking the title shot away from Del Rio just to give it back” routine ran out of gas a week ago. IF Del Rio were a face, winning back his title shots from a heel GM, this might work, however it’s a heel, who we’re supposed to root against, constantly given legitimate complaints. It’s time for Sheamus to move on to someone else.
SIDE NOTE: Is there a reason Randy Orton is beating all the top heels? It would make sense if he was being built as Punk’s next challenger, but that doesn’t seem to be the plan.
How is AJ supposed to be better than Johnny Ace? Isn’t she doing the exact same things he did? AJ has to do something else besides torment her ex-boyfriends. You’re just wasting what was at first a fresh; interesting character on the same BS you’ve been doing all damn year.
Also, if Cena had just come out and said to Punk, “Take your title shot and shove it,” or words to that effect, he would’ve gotten the effect he wanted, maybe won over a few fans, and FINISHED THE SHOW ON TIME!
That’s it for this week peep-holes. I’ll see you next time, on RYT-TIME.
It’s Summerslam weekend (well, close enough). We’ll be running down the Summerslam card on BWF Radio this Sunday with some special guests. I’m announcing no one yet, because it’s going to be huge… and awesome. Tune in to “www.boredwrestlingfan.com or www.wonderpodonline.com on Sunday to check it out with plenty of time before the PPV.
Pretty much the whole card has been announced. There’s even some last minute matches likely to be teased tonight and then cut for time on Sunday. I expect a holding pattern, and a whole bunch of clip packages. Maybe I’ll get through this in record time? Only one way to find out, let’s hop to it, shall we?
We open with a recap of last Monday when AJ gave John Cena and Big Show both the title shot at C.M. Punk at Summerslam.
RAW GM AJ Lee is out first to give us a rundown of big matches she’s lined up tonight, including Randy Orton vs. The Big Show, and John Cena vs. Daniel Brian.
C.M. Punk comes out to apologize for yelling at her last week, saying everybody makes mistakes, like AJ did last week making the Summerslam match a three-way. Punk tries to weasel out of the match. When AJ refuses to change the card, Punk accuses her of trying to get back at him for turning down her marriage proposal.
John Cena comes out. He talks about how Punk has become one of those guys that demand respect instead of earning it. He mentions that he’s won 11 world titles and still has to fight for respect, and mentions how the odds are against him in a three way.
Side Note: Crowd could be 60% Cena.
Big Show heads for the ring. AJ puts the kibosh on the proceedings and suggests everyone save their aggression for their respective matches tonight. Punk demands that he get a match tonight as well. AJ agrees, but she’ll let the WWE universe pick Punk’s opponent via twitter vote.
#Mysterio
#Kane
#TheMiz
Later tonight, Triple H confronts Brock Lesnar
We come back from a commercial break; and Jerry Lawler announces Rey Mysterio as the winner on twitter.
WWE CHAMPION VS C.M. PUNK
It’s a relatively slow-paced, high-spot trade-off. It ends when Mysterio hits the 619 but lands a splash attempt on Punk’s knees. Punk hits the GTS.
WINNER: C.M. PUNK
Backstage: Alberto Del Rio and Roberto Rodriguez pull up in a Ferrari. Del Rio barks at RR to pull a table out of his way so he can park. ADR and RR leave the car unattended.
COMMERCIAL
Promo: Wade Barret is coming back.
Backstage: Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez kiss up to AJ. She agrees to give Alberto the night off; until he digs on Ricardo for saying she might do something crazy. The “c” word gets her riled up and she books Alberto in a match up next. Alberto yells at RR to get his gear.
Later tonight, HBK-the heartbreak kid-Shawn Michaels will make a special guest appearance tonight!
Christian is in the ring as RR introduces ADR; who is still dressing on his way to the ring. We recap the Sheamus/Del Rio feud, going back to Del Rio slamming a car hood on Sheamus’ head.
CHRISTIAN VS ALBERTO DEL RIO
Christian comes on strong and the match becomes a quick exchange of holds/escapes, and hard hits. Christian goes up top but the distraction from RR leaves him open to a shot to the head with a boot by Del Rio, who locks in the arm-breaker for the submission.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO
Up on the Titantron, Sheamus is with Del Rio’s super-expensive Ferrari. He says Alberto’s right about how Sheamus needs some class, so he’s going to class himself up, starting with his ride – actually Del Rio’s ride. It seems RR left the keys in the car after scrambling for Del Rio’s gear. Sheamus “borrows” the car and drives off while ADR loses his mind in the ring.
Big Show will face Randy Orton next.
BIG SHOW VS RANDY ORTON
The match falls into a simple pattern. Orton comes on strong but gets shut down by Show’s power. Show tries to ground Orton but Randy slips out. The match ends on the arena floor when Show spears Orton on the outside.
DOUBLE COUNT OUT: NO CONTEST
After the match, Orton sidesteps a WMD and scores an RKO on the Show.
COMMERCIAL
SUMMERSLAM PROMO
Tyler Recks and Curt Hawkins are in the ring. Ryback is introduced. As he comes to the ring, we get a picture-in-picture of Ryback referring to the WWE as his food supply.
TYLER RECKS/CURT HAWKINS VS RYBACK
Recks carries the match and actually has an impressive showing against Ryback, with Hawkins doing little more at first that providing distractions. Hawkins and Recks get in some nice looking double teaming, but the match ends with Ryback crushing Hawkins in the cradle-drop.
WINNER: RYBACK
COMMERCIAL
PRIME TIME PLAYERS VS PRIMO/EPICO
We come back w/both teams already in the ring. AW hypes up his team and they do the “millions of dollars” routine as the match starts. Epico drop-kicks Darien Young out of the ring, but Titus O’Neil takes over on Primo and the PTP double team him. Primo gets in some high-offense, but gets beat down some more. He finally tags in Epico, who comes in with high energy, and unloads on both PTP members. AW pulls his men out of this fight and tries to take a powder. Tag team champions R-Truth and Kofi Kingston cut them off. Mo/Co take the fight back in the ring and Primo hits the backstabber for the three count.
WINNERS: PRIMO/EPICO
We recap Damian Sandow getting martyred by DX and brutalizing Brodus Clay the following week.
Backstage: Josh Mathews interviews Sandow. Sandow is obligated to remove all foolishness from the WWE. He calls dancing wasteful and has chosen to take out Brodus Clay tonight.
We are welcome.
COMMERCIAL
Brodus comes out with the girls, but Sandow cuts the show short by clipping Clay’s leg from behind. The brawl spills to the floor, and Sandow continues to stomp the leg. Clay is hurt.
NO CONTEST
Backstage: AJ and Bryan are conversing. Bryan says when he beats Cena tonight AJ will have to make the main event at Summerslam a fatal-four way. AJ informs Bryan he’ll be facing Kane at Summerslam. This becomes a duel of chants. Brian says “NO!” AJ says “YES!” After a few fake outs, AJ wins and Brian storms off.
KELLY KELLY VS EVE
Apparently, this match is a penalty for Eve “touting” negatively about AJ. Eve tries to blow the match off, but KK goes right after her with an unusually vicious onslaught. KK unloads a flurry on Eve who bails outside for a breather, but KK goes right after her and pours it on. Eventually, Eve gets an opening by Pulling Kelly off the top rope and dropping her hard. Eve takes over with choking and chin locks, but Kelly rallies and gets the three count with a head scissors/roll up combo.
WINNER: KELLY KELLY
We recap Sheamus stealing Del Rio’s car before The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels makes his big guest spot. Shawn thanks the WWE universe for giving him a chance to be part of history with the 1000th show two weeks ago. Before Shawn can continue, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman come out to interrupt. Heyman lectures on the differences between “entertaining” and “fighting.” Shawn tells Lesnar he made a mistake bringing Hunters’ family into it. Lesnar mentions how Shawn never fought him, and makes a move towards HBK. Triple H runs out and joins HBK in the ring. Lesnar backs off, promising to see Hunter at Summerslam, and HBK sooner than that.
We get ANOTHER recap of Sheamus swiping ADR’s car; followed by Sheamus sending a “Tout” from the car.
Chris Jericho is on commentary with the King and Cole. Vicki comes out to introduce Dolph Ziggler.
We get a recap of Ziggler and Jericho one upping each other over the past few weeks.
DOLPH ZIGGLER VS ALEX RILEY
Pretty basic match dominated by Ziggler. The story here is Ziggler is focusing more on Jericho than Riley. Jericho distracts Ziggler by getting up on the table and putting him on “Tout.” This gives Riley a chance to roll Ziggler up for three.
WINNER: ALEX RILEY
Sheamus gives us a “Tout” of him eating Mexican food in Del Rio’s car.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION THE MIZ VS KANE
Match falls into a pattern pretty quickly. Kane pummels Miz, and Miz kicks Kane’s legs out from under him. In the end, Kane is too much for Miz. Choke-slam = three count.
WINNER: KANE
Backstage: Sheamus brings back the car covered in garbage/filth, and asks a crew member to park it.
Daniel Bryan makes his way down, going ape in response to the “YES!” chant, demanding people stop.
Backstage: Del Rio makes RR clean up the car.
COMMERCIAL
MAIN EVENT: JOHN CENA VS DANIEL BRIAN
The crowd gets going with “let’s go Cena/C.M. Punk,” chant. Bryan insists this is about him. He stalls for time by going out and yelling at the fans.
Back in the ring, Cena takes control quickly, but Bryan counters out. Most of the match is Bryan working the arm and hitting high-impact kicks. Cena is down and Bryan is all up in a fan’s face at the break.
COMMERCIAL
Bryan is still in control when we come back. Cena makes the Superman comeback and hits the five knuckle shuffle. Cena tries for an STF but Bryan counters. Bryan gets the face-lock/body scissors combo on Cena, but Cena powers out. The match ends after an exchange of holds leads to Cena hoisting Bryan up in the AA, for three.
WINNER: JOHN CENA
After the match, C.M. Punk gets out in Cenas’ face. Cena shoves him away when he sees Big Show coming. Show and Cena go at it till Punk knocks them down from behind. Punk gets a head set on commentary and goes on a diatribe about not allowing people to disrespect him anymore. He gets back in the ring to Kick Show in the head, but Show catches the leg and clocks Punk w/the WMD, followed by one for Cena.
RAW ends with the Big Show hoisting the WWE title on his shoulder; and his Summerslam opponents down on the mat.
We open with breaking news. Pyro set off during a rehearsal set the arena on fire, delaying the doors opening half an hour. No one hurt, thank God.
We recap RAW 1000 for ten minutes.
C.M. Punk is out first. Punk has taken acceptation to Jerry Lawler’s hyperbolic statement about “turning his back on the WWE universe. He sets himself Indian style on the announce desk and refers to the rock as “just one delusional man” who “wants it all to be about him.”
“This is the WWE and I am its champion.”- C.M. Punk
The Big Show comes out, and points out how the show was really all about him last week. He makes a point of Punk being unable to put Cena away in their match.
“I knocked out Cena and you STILL couldn’t beat him!”- Big Show
Cena runs out and throws fists, Big Show amscrays.
New GM AJ Lee is out to announce tonight’s main event, The Big Show vs. John Cena w/the winner getting Punk @ Summerslam.
Backstage: Daniel Bryan paces outside AJ’s door. Will he confront her?
COMMERCIAL
Guess not
US CHAMPION SANTINO MORELLA VS ALBERTO DEL RIO
The US champ gets in minimal offense as almost the whole match is Del Rio working the arm. Santino goes for the COBRA! But Del Rio sends him shoulder first into the post and gets a submission with the arm-lock.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO
Del Rio stands over Santino and declares that all of us are beneath him. He announces he will not wrestle again until his title match at Summerslam.
Backstage: Okay I guess Bryan WILL confront AJ.
Promo for Cena vs. Big Show
COMMERCIAL
Brodus Clay and the Funk-a-dactyls are out. Vicki comes out laughing at them.
“Let the Queen Diva show you, and all of you, how to put a step on.” – Vicki Guerro.
Vicki then puts on a quick dance show until she’s interrupted by our martyr, Damien Sandow.
“Last week, a horrible crime was perpetrated against all of humanity.”- Damien Sandow
Sandow makes us all look at the video of Degeneration-X beating him down, then proceeds to brutalize Clay.
We go to a recap of two weeks ago, when Dolph Ziggler accused Jericho of losing his touch, and ate a code-breaker, followed up by Jericho sending Ziggler into a Brogue Kick by Sheamus and another code-breaker by Jericho on Smackdown. That’s the set up for the big tag team match tonight, Dolph Ziggler and the Miz vs. Christian and Jericho.
COMMERCIAL
Bryan charges into AJs office. He starts in on her, but AJ shuts him down fast. She mentions seeing Daniel talking to the men in white coats last week and accuses him of trying to marry her just to get her committed. Daniel denies it, claiming those were his friends dressed in white to match his tux. AJ responds by booking Daniel against Sheamus tonight. Daniel asks if it’s a title match.
“No, No, No, No, NO, NO! NO! NO!” etc… – AJ Lee
We recap last week’s confrontation with Heyman, Hunter, and Stephanie McMahon. We will come back to this FIVE MORE TIMES TONIGHT.
Vote on Twitter! What kind of match should Daniel Bryan and Sheamus have tonight?
“NoHoldsBarred
#Streetfight
#Fallcountanywhere
COMMERCIAL
We come back to a recap of the fire. Doors didn’t open for thirty minutes.
Daniel Bryan comes out and demands we all stop chanting “YES!” We don’t, he goes into a tirade of NO! NO! NO!
Sheamus is out next. As he comes to the ring, we recap four weeks ago when Del Rio slammed his head into the hood of Del Rio’s car.
Lawler announces the twitter poll results, Streetfight by a landslide.
WORLD CHAMPION SHEAMUS VS DANIEL BRYAN
Brutal back and forth that spills out and up the stage. Bryan’s head gets bounced off a set-piece and Sheamus gets drop-kicked off the stage. Sheamus may have a hurt leg/ankle.
COMMERCIAL
We come back with Bryan in charge but Sheamus fights back. More back/forth on the outside, until Sheamus brings weapons into it. Bryan pushes them out of the ring but eventually he uses a kendo stick on Sheamus. Sheamus gets the stick but Bryan drop-kicks him into a chair set up in the corner. More back and forth, until Bryan gets Sheamus down; and brings the steel steps into the ring. Sheamus hook Bryan into the “white noise,” but Bryan slips out. Brogue kick by Sheamus and Bryan goes down for three.
WINNER: SHEAMUS
We get a recap of Punk cutting a promo on the Rock, a promo for Cena vs. Big Show and we go to…
COMMERCIAL
We come back to Bryan holding his neck and refusing to leave the ring until he gets a doctor to look at him. Kofi and R-Truth come out (w/little Jimmy) and tell him to leave. Bryan responds by PUNT-KICKING LITTLE JIMMY OUT OF THE RING (WHICH THE CAMERA MAN ACTUALLY SELLS BY “FOLLOWING” LITTLE JIMMY!) Bryan goes off on R-truth until those nice young men in their clean white coats come out. Bryan tells them to take away R-truth, but AJ comes out to inform Bryan they’re taking him backstage for an evaluation.
COMMERCIAL
R-truth escorts Jimmy to a chair at ringside as we go to a montage of touts regarding Punk’s statements from earlier. Now they want us to tout our thoughts as to who is more unstable, AJ or Bryan.
KOFI KINGSTON VS TITUS O’NEAL
AW brings out the Prime Time Players as Cole plugs a WWE.com exclusive video of the PTP harassing Rosa at a photo-shoot.
Titus starts out strong as AW compares him to Kobe Bryant in a Colorado hotel. Kingston takes over and hits the boom-drop while R-Truth takes Darien Young off the ring hard. AW throws his shoe at Kofi, and runs off. Kofi is distracted and O’Neal hits the Lo-down for three.
WINNER: TITUS O’NEAL
Backstage: Punk isn’t wishing Cena luck in his match tonight because he doesn’t care who wins, but he advises Punk to get over the fact that he did to the Rock in one night what Cena couldn’t do in an entire year.
Cole apologizes for AW’s Kobe remark and we recap what we just saw w/Cena & Punk.
Heath Slater is in the ring and we recap Slater taking a clothesline from hell and losing to Lita last week. (Notice a theme here?) Slater challenges any current WWE superstar to come out and lose to him.
HEATH SLATER VS RANDY ORTON
Orton makes his big return. Slater actually starts off strong for a minute, but it quickly goes all Randy and ends w/an RKO.
WINNER: RANDY ORTON
Backstage: Daniel Bryan is getting evaluated by a doctor in a small room. The doctor asks one question too many and D-Bry goes to critical mass w/the “YES!” chant.
COMMERCIAL
JERICHO/CHRISTIAN V DOLPH ZIGGLER/INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION THE MIZ
Back and forth action with neither team dominating, no one has the advantage for too long. Christian takes Miz/Ziggler down with a body press off the top rope and the heels are left lying.
COMMERCIAL
We come back with Miz in control of Jericho. After trading spots, both men make a hot tag and Christian takes over on Ziggler. This is short lived and the heels are soon in control again. Christian makes a hot tag to Jericho, and this becomes all about Jericho/Miz. Miz tries for the SCF, Jericho backs him into the corner, Christian thumbs Miz in the eye (payback for Smackdown) and Jericho gets the three with the code breaker. Ziggler gets the last word however, with a suitcase to the back of Jericho.
WINNERS: CHRISTIAN AND JERICHO
Ziggler leaves everyone lying in the ring, and smirks his way up the ramp.
Side Note: Weird moment in the match where Ziggler tried a Fame-Asser and just went right over Jericho w/o contact. Fake out or botch?
We get another recap of the fire and go backstage to Daniel Bryan taking an ink-blot test. The three pics together make a goat-face and Bryan goes nuts, thinking Charlie Sheen is behind this.
As to who’s more unstable, the “tout” a-teers give it to AJ.
TENSAI VS TYSON KIDD
ALBERT CHANT!
Kidd actually looked strong here, but in the end went down for the three. HOWEVER, Tensai continued to brutalize Kidd to the point that the ref had to reverse the decision.
WINNER BY DQ: TYSON KIDD
Tensai attacked Sakamoto after the match.
Backstage: Punk has passed his exam. The doc leaves, the light goes red, and KANE introduces himself as Bryan’s new “anger management” counselor, before tossing him, by the neck, into the wall.
COMMERCIAL
C.M. Punk comes to ringside and joins the announce team.
COMMERCIAL
We come back with Punk “lending his expertise” to keep the announcing unbiased.
#1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH: JOHN CENA VS BIG SHOW
This is our main event, ladies and gentlemen.
Big Show in charge with punches, head-butting, and body shots. He gives Cena the big slap in the corner twice, but Cena ducks a third and gets up on show for a chin-lock. Show fights out but Cena slaps it on again. Cena chokes Show down for two.
COMMERCIAL
We come back with Show in control. We have a theme of Show slowly overpowering Cena and egging on the crowd, and Cena getting in brief flurries of offense before getting shut down. The climax is on the outside where Show side-steps Cena, and hurls him over the announcer table into Punk. The match ends with Cena attempting an AA and Punk striking from behind. The bell rings and Punk adds a kick to the Show’s head for good measure. Punk declares both men losers and walks off.
DOUBLE DQ: NO CONTEST
AJ comes out and declares both men winners, making the match at Summerslam a three way for the title, Punk vs. Big Show vs. John Cena.
RAW ends with C.M. Punk arguing w/a smirking AJ.
We open with a montage of RAW highlights and a sample of the new theme. Vincent Kennedy McMahon himself is out first thank us for getting them to 1000 shows and to welcome us to Monday Night Raw. His spot is short and to the point (as you’ll see, it’s the only one that was.) And he introduces us to DEGENERATION X!
Triple H and The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels are out first. Shawn makes a joke about needing to catch his breath, and Triple H makes a joke about his underwear bunching up on him.
