“Impact” Impressions 1/8/09 and “Genesis” Predictions

Yes, it’s late. Don’t pretend you’re disappointed.

Find a line and cross it, peoples!

Match #1: Alex Shelley defeats Eric Young: Be still, my heart! We actually open with a match, and a match that was the best of the night on paper, at that! This means it’s Alex Shelley versus Chris Sabin for the X-Division title at “Genesis,” which is proof that God exists, and wants us to be happy (thanks, Ben Franklin!). However, note the use of the words “on paper.” Why? This was the semi-finals match of the tournament to crown a new X-Division champion. After the Main Event Mafia/Front Line story, this should be the most important thing going. The announce team should be making this out to be a tremendously important thing. Video packages of past X-Division glory should air, along with each of the competitors talking about why the title is so important and how much they want to win it. None of this happened. A match of this magnitude went less than five minutes, and was nowhere near as good as it should have been. Shelley and Young did what they could, but there was no reason to rush this match. Back when this sort of thing mattered, and TNA had something going for it, there was a match between Christopher Daniels and Chris Sabin to determine the third man in a three-way Ultimate X match for the X-Division title at the pay-per-view that weekend. That match was given a full fifteen minutes, and the announcers made it sound like this one qualifying match was the most important thing in the company. I have yet to think of a good reason that the same treatment was not given to ANY of the X-Division tournament matches this time. Not one of the tournament matches went much over five minutes, and for what? The two-hour program featured what else, exactly? All the same, just watch TNA blame the X-Division and the guys in it for not getting over, not getting rating and buy rates, and so on. Grrrrrrrrrr!

After the match ended, referee Shane Sewell was again attacked by Sheik Abdul Bashir, prompting an in-ring confrontation. Jim Cornette came out and fired Sewell as a referee, much to the dismay of the audience. Cornette then turned on the gloating Bashir, announcing that Sewell was fired for three days, and would be hired as a wrestler beginning Sunday at “Genesis,” where he would have a grudge match against Bashir.

To the ring! Main Event Mafia promo time. They all talk. Why?

To the back! Borash asks Jeff Jarrett and Mick Foley how they intend to survive the Main Event Mafia onslaught. Brother Devon and AJ Styles come in, and inform them that they have their backs. Nice moment when Devon gives Foley Brother Ray’s red flannel shirt and says that “he would want you to have this.”

To the farm! No, really. Today’s embarrassingly untimely Sarah Palin skit has been brought to you by “The Simple Life.” Has anyone told the writers how long that show has been around?

Match #2: Awesome Kong defeats Madison Rayne: The latest hottie debut and squash. As much as I like the term “Kongtourage,” it cheapens Kong by having a big group around her. She’s been so dominant that she’s proven that she doesn’t need them. If she has to have Raisha Saeed, so be it, but the others need to go, and find their own thing.

To the back! Lauren interviews Abyss. It’s bad. It’s really bad. Please stop the pain. Abyss is upset because his best friend Matt Morgan is still mad at him. He thinks that Lauren is his girlfriend, and hopes that she isn’t mad at him too, because he just couldn’t take it. You know what, Abyss, neither can I.

Tenay and West run down the card for “Genesis.”

To the back! JB asks the Motor City Machine Guns whether they are concerned that the X-Division title match between them will cause problems in their friendship and their tag team. Chris Sabin went into sarcastic mode, informing JB that it was “an interesting, intriguing, insightful question.” Alex Shelley pointed out that the best things come in pairs, not the least of which was Mick Foley and poor hygiene. Shelley gets bonus points for referring to Foley as Duke “the Dumpster” Droese. Shelley goes on to say that the bond they share is unbreakable, and is bigger than JB, the X-Division title, or TNA. Foley steps in, and tells the Guns that he knows that they have the ability to steal the show, but they also have the ability to completely stink up the pay-per-view and ruin his show, which he literally cannot afford. If they blow off the match and try to lay down for one another, or anything else of that nature, Foley will give them one-way bus tickets back to Detroit, and they will never get another X-Division title shot again. Whoa, time out! Two things. Thing the first. While it’s totally true that having the Guns put over the X-Division title as something important that they both really want would have been helpful, TNA hasn’t made it look like it’s really worth having already. Thing the second. Why is Foley so mad? What has Alex Shelley or Chris Sabin ever said or done that would imply that they weren’t going to have an awesome match, or that they would deliberately pull something? All they ever said was that the two of them would be in the finals. If anything, two guys with the egos that they have been portrayed to have would go out of their way to show up the rest of the roster and prove how much better they are in the ring than everyone else. The point has been made for the past several weeks in these reviews that without promo or segment time being given to these subplots, things that happen like this seem random and disjointed. There’s really no excuse for it.

“Rough Cuts” time! We get another endearing and babyface-ish segment for Beer Money. Honestly, if you’re turning them face, you have to do it on the actual show and in the ring, not just with these segments. It’s confusing to see this stuff, then watch the same guys wrestle a completely heel match immediately afterward.

Match #3: Matt Morgan (with Abyss) defeats Robert Roode (with James Storm and Jacqueline): This match actually ended with ref stoppage. Morgan doesn’t seem to want Abyss around, and if he turns on Abyss, it may be hard to boo him. The match was stopped by the referee because of Robert Roode’s knee injury. Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal (still in full “Macho Man” mode) come out and watch, then announce that they will be cashing in their Feast or Fired tag team title shot right now. Did it ever get explained that cashing the title shots in at any time was allowed? I don’t recall ever hearing that part. I know that it worked for CM Punk, but cashing in a title shot when one of your opponents is practically incapacitated is a pretty heelish thing to do. Creed and Lethal don’t have much of a reason to do it.

Match #4: Consequences Creed and Jay Lethal defeat Beer Money, Inc. for the Tag Team titles: The match itself wasn’t bad, but it was essentially a handicap match. It took Creed, Lethal, and hitting Storm with the briefcase for the new babyface champs to get the win. They really looked weak.

To the back! The Front Line celebrates the tag team title win in the locker room. I wanted to be excited about it, but it was not clicking for me.

Tenay and West run down the “Genesis” card again, announcing that the tag team title match is now a 3-way match due to the title change.

To the back! BG James is an emotional mess as he tells Jeff Jarrett why he has to get in the ring with Kurt Angle. Some people thought it was ridiculously over the top, but I think it worked rather well.

To the farm! More fake Palin. Damn my eyes!

Match #5: Kurt Angle defeats BG James: The match wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated. Afterwards, the Main Event Mafia hits the ring and destroys BG James in a similar fashion as they did to Samoa Joe. Mick Foley and Jeff Jarrett run down, and the MEM bails. We go to commercial.

When we return, Jarrett loses control and shouts about what he’s going to do to Angle on Sunday. Foley calms him down and speaks about being ashamed of his inaction in regard to the doings of the MEM. HE admits that he is older and slower and isn’t the man he used to be, but that he is the Hardcore Legend, and he’ll be drawing strength from Brother Devon and AJ Styles in their match. “I may not be as good as I once was, but for one night I will be as good as I ever was!” Great line. A video package running down the “Genesis” card closes the show. I have promoted high school plays that I directed better than TNA promotes their pay-per-views.

“Genesis” Predictions

Rhino vs. Sting (World Heavyweight Championship): Sting retains. Is there really any doubt?

Jeff Jarrett vs. Kurt Angle: This could go either way, but if Angle wins, the story is over. I don’t think they’re done yet, so I pick Jarrett to win.

Mick Foley, AJ Styles & Brother Devon vs. Booker T, Kevin Nash and Scott Steiner: If Angle loses, the MEM wins here. Foley will probably be taking the pin, or possibly even turning on his team here and costing them the match. After all, we wouldn’t be expecting it after his strong ending promo on “Impact,” now, would we?

Beer Money vs. Abyss & Matt Morgan vs. Jay Lethal & Consequences Creed (Tag Team Championship): Lethal and Creed retain. I don’t want it to happen, but it probably will. The new champs have to retain, or the entire Feast or Fired deal is wasted. Granted, most people hate it anyway, but if TNA is going to keep doing it, they have to make it matter. There’s also the built-in tag team title feud between Lethal and the Guns stemming from the Feast or Fired match, if we can ever get to that point.   

Chris Sabin vs. Alex Shelley (X-Division Championship finals): Alex Shelley wins. As much as I would love for the future Mr. Drowgoddess to have a title belt, Shelley has been the one at the forefront, and his having the belt will allow the Shelley/Foley friction to escalate. Also, the Guns were not booked to go on the European tour that’s coming up, and Alex Shelley by himself was added to be on it just recently. I think that means that the X-Division champion has to be included on the tour. It should easily be the match of the night, and I just pray to every form of divinity ever devised by the minds of men that this match doesn’t signal the break-up of the tag team. If it does, the whole universe is going to die. (Anyone seen that video?)

? vs. Awesome Kong (Knockout Championship – Lumberjack Match): If it’s true that Christy Hemme won’t be in the match due to a neck injury, and won’t be showing up during the match to get involved, interesting possibilities are raised. If Gail Kim hadn’t signed with WWE, this would be the best surprise ever for her to return unannounced and face Kong for the title. I hope they didn’t introduce Madison Rayne on “Impact” just to put her in the title match at the pay-per-view with no build-up. Roxxi or ODB would be good, but they’ve been beaten by Kong to many times. Angelina Love would be good, but she’s a heel and otherwise occupied with stupid skits. Please don’t let it be Taylor Wilde. In any case, Kong retains unless it’s someone truly exceptional.   

Shane Sewell vs. Sheik Abdul Bashir (Grudge Match): Sewell to win. He’s endured to much from Bashir with too little payback, and if he does win, Bashir can whine and threaten and make excuses.  

Check back on Monday or Tuesday for a review of “Genesis.” Yes, I’m getting it. Like you had to ask.

Peace out,

Drowgoddess