Main Event Results 5/1/13
Leave a CommentHere are this weeks Results for Main Event this week: (more…)
Here are this weeks Results for Main Event this week: (more…)
Sniff sniff…
Welcome to another edition of Cock Talk, or as RYTMAN likes to call it, “THINK ABOUT THE CONVERSATION YOU’RE HAVING RIGHT NOW!”
Joe, Jorge, G, and JT are joined once again this week by Brian Muller. We talk about the NHL Playoffs, the NFL Draft, and of course, all of the great wrestling shows you’ll find on TV each and every week. We reveal who we’d like to see win the TNA X-Division poll, talk about what the substance Big E Langston was clapping from his hands may have been, and talk about how winning a title in WWE is essentially a punishment more than a merit nowadays.
In the news, we get the WrestleMania numbers, we find out the whereabouts of the Bella Twins, find out when CM Punk may potentially return, and get Maria Kanellis’ impression of Ryback. Michael Bay’s destruction of our childhood is discussed. In legal news, it’s Hulk Hogan’s sex tape vs. the first amendment. And finally, we discuss the injury to John Cena that occurred on the European tour.
All this and much more! Just download the show. You know you want to!
Hey! They’re in the U.K.! Also known as forced attempts to recreate the chants on RAW after WrestleMania 29 Land! YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH! Has anyone else noticed they changed Fandango’s music and added crowd noise? I did. Let’s get to “entertainment you” of a show. Hopefully Shannon Moore makes a surprise return? Only one way to find out. So step up on that stool and strap on your noose , folks…. It’s hopping time!
Ok, it can’t be THAT bad. Nobody kill yourself, it’s just fucking wrestling. Go bitch about it on the internet like everybody else. That’s how we roll, peeps.
In all seriousness, there will be a much watch match on this show, as you probably already know.
Smackdown time… I guess.
YAY!!!
Stuff goes here. Hopping time!
On RAW, the crowd made the difference for the show to be a winner, ultimately, which I suspect and hope will remain a tradition as the so-called “hardcore” smarks stick around for it. Will that many of them stick around for Smackdown? I’d like to think so… but this “thing” is still a new “thing.” Only one way to find out, and you know what that means. Into the back of the closet and into Narnia, kiddo, we’re hunting wabbits. Hopping time! (a.k.a. Beer will make this better).
The customary hand wave after a goal is scored.
Let’s do something a little different. Instead of going segment by segment, I’m going to summarize each storyline in regards to how it was played out on the show, and offer my comments where I feel the need.
1.) CENA VS. MARK HENRY: THE RISE OF RYBACK – So we kicked off RAW with a word from our new WWE champion, John Cena. Jersey is NOT part of the CE-Nation, and their response makes it clear. Cena plays off the crowd’s hostility by joking about all the great things that come with being champ, like the applause. Cena offers to dance for the crowd, using this as context for teasing a “heel-turn,” and offers a title shot to whoever wants one tonight. Mark Henry comes out to take him up on it. Booker T comes out and says Henry has to beat Cena in a match to get a title shot.
Let’s fast forward to our main event, Cena vs. Henry. Less than a minute in, it spills out of the ring to the outside. Both men tease a table spot (which is a whole friggin thing in itself we’ll get to.) Henry sends Cena into the post. Cena whips Henry into the stairs AND GETS THE WIN BY COUNT OUT. OUR “MAIN EVENT” BARELY WENT FIVE MINUTES AND MORE THAN THREE SPOTS!!!
Henry responds to this by laying out Cena (much to the crowds’ delight,) and hoisting the belt up. Ryback comes out and runs off Henry. Ryback glares at Cena and the crowd gets excited. Ryback helps Cena up and the crowd gets less excited. Ryback gets a “FEED ME MORE,” chant going and CENA TAKES A CLOTHESLINE! Ryback gives the champ the Shell-shock and holds the belt up to a cheering crowd as RAW ends.
Rytman Remarks: So, Henry, the only established heel at Wrestlemania who won a singles match, has to beat Cena in a non-title match, to get a title shot?
Fine
Booker T, General Manager of Smackdown, can dictate who gets WWE title shots on RAW?
Fine
The match itself can’t have more than five spots and go more than five minutes?
Okay, Fine.
BUT NOW YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE THE PUSH TO THE GUY YOU BOOKED TO CHOKE IN EVERY BIG MATCH YOU PUT HIM IN? GIVING HENRY A SHOT WOULD BRING ABOUT THE END OF ALL LIFE IN THE WWE UNIVERSE OR SOMETHING!?
I seriously don’t know why I’m still watching this crap.
2.) ORTON/SHEAMUS BOTH WANT BIG SHOW – Orton, backstage in Vicki’s office w/her and Brad Maddox, demands a match w/Big Show, wanting payback for what happened at Mania. “Briki” (Brad and Vicki) agrees, reminding Sheamus he’d owe them a big favor for this.
Later in the show, Randy Orton goes to Booker T, asking HIM for a shot at big show, saying it was his mistake to trust big show, and wants to make good on it. When Booker tells him Vicki already made the match w/Sheamus, he brown-noses Booker into over-ruling Vicki, on the grounds he’s a GM, and she’s a Managing Supervisor. Booker decides to make it happen.
Later, we get a pre-recorded interview from Natalya with Big Show. Show blames his team-mates for what happened, saying they turned on him by not giving him the hot tag. Show says from now on, he’s all about the Big Show.
Later in the show, both Orton and Sheamus came out to the ring and asked the crowd who’d they like to see kick Big Show’s ass. Cole tells us to use the WWE ACTIVE APP and vote on Twitter for who we want. One commercial break later, Booker and Vicki come out together on the same page, making a Sheamus vs. Orton match w/the winner getting Big Show, making the Twitter thing totally irrelevant.
The match itself is hard fought, and both men hit their major spots, but it ends with the Big Show taking matters into his own hands. He tosses Sheamus away like nothing and BRUTALIZES Randy Orton for about twenty minutes. Orton is pounded on, and tossed around like a sack of rag-dolls. Show tosses Orton hard over the announce table into the seats, and then tosses the seats all over the place. Show leaves Orton broken on the ground, and walks off to a hero’s reception from the crowd. (This crowd was another whole thing we’ll get to.)
Rytman Remarks: Orton and Randy are fighting over who gets to beat up the guy they didn’t trust in the first place, but teamed up with anyway and then lost the match because they didn’t tag him, and he got mad and punched them out. Gotcha!
The interesting thing is, during the interview with Natalya, Show played hurt by his team not trusting him, like he really wanted to be part of something, and pulled it off pretty damn well. I actually felt bad for him.
3.) ALBERTO DEL RIO VS JACK SWAGGER & ZEB COULTER: YOUR WINNER, DOLPH ZIGGLER! – World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio (w/Ricardo Rodriguez,) faced Swagger in a handicap match w/Zeb Coulter as Swagger’s partner. Before the match, Zeb took the mike and actually pleaded with the crowd for their support. He even got a small “USA” chant going. The match was primarily Del Rio and Swagger with Zeb hanging back on the outside. Del Rio managed to win it, but Swagger had worked the ankle/leg the whole match and Del Rio had ringside attendants looking at him.
Cue Dolph Ziggler.
Dolph chose that moment to Cash in his MiTB briefcase on Del Rio. Del Rio managed to muster up enough offense to get Ziggler in the Cross-Arm-Breaker. Ziggler escaped by working the injured ankle and won with a Zig-Zag for the three. Later in the show, Ziggler is interviewed, saying it’s “about damn time” this happened.
Rytman Remarks: during the whole match, the crowd chanted “we want Ziggler,” until he finally came out. I’m thinking Del Rio and Swagger are both gonna sit out a few shows.
4.) UNDERTAKER PROMO: IN THE SIGHTS OF THE SHIELD – Undertaker comes out to do a promo. He talks about dedicating his win to Paul Bearer…
SIERRA, HOTEL, INDIA, ECHO, LIMA, DELTA, BELIVE IN THE SHIELD
The Shield makes their way towards the Dead-man. They’ve got Taker surrounded when the pyro goes off and Team Hell No (Kane and Bryan) run out to offer back up. The Shield calls it a night and head off.
Rytman Remarks: A feud w/the Undertaker to set up a program with the tag team champions? I like it, which is why it won’t happen.
5.) FAHHHHN-DAHHHN-GO-OW! – So Fandango got a rematch with Kofi Kingston, from last month when he was supposed to debut on RAW. The match goes less than ten minutes before Chris Jericho runs out and beats down Fandango, who gets the win by DQ. After the match, Fandango still has enough in him to take a mike and do the bit with his name.
Rytman Remark: I’ll give the guy credit for sticking with it, but I’m thinking the last dance is coming up soon.
6.) “A BAD NIGHT FOR PAUL HEYMAN GUYS.” – Paul Heyman gets interviewed about how bad Wrestlemania went for him. Heyman points out that Triple H finished the night with a broken (which we saw earlier in an exclusive,) arm and Shawn Michaels got his face smashed in. He says Lesnar is here and ready to fight, but not for free. He tells us C.M. Punk will speak for himself… next week, swerving the disappointed crowd.
Now let’s look at the results from the few “filler” matches…
BIG E. LANGSTON DEF DANIEL BRYAN – High point was Big E. tossing Bryan over the top rope onto Kane.
Rytman Remark: Would’ve made sense to book this match BEFORE MANIA!
WADE BARRETT DEF. THE MIZ – BARRETT NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION
Rytman Remark: Decent match but I’m not expecting Barrett’s stock to skyrocket. There was a noticeable “botch” when Miz went for the knee-drop/neck-breaker combo and Barrett dropped too soon. (Michael Cole, at ringside, tried to sell it as a “sit-out” attempt by Barrett.)
R-TRUTH, RYDER, AND SANTINO MORELLA DEF 3MB
RR; Went maybe seven minutes and was more of an actual match then the main event.
TONS OF FUNK/THE FUNKADAYCTALS DEF THE BELLA SISTERS/TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS
RR; High point was Brie/Nikki giving “Sweet T” a double butt-bump to the head.
A few other points of interest…
One guy in the crowd managed to get his “WE WANT PAGE” sign on camera almost all night. Apparently, we can’t get her jobbing out to AJ and the Bella Sisters fast enough.
There seemed to be a contract out on the announcers table tonight. It wound up collateral damage in almost every brawl tonight. (Big Show’s rampage, Jericho’s payback, maybe during Del Rio Swagger,) In the Main Event, Cena and Henry both teased putting each other through it but never came across.
And now, we get to the real stars of this show…
This fucking crowd
Credit where it’s due, these folks decided they were going to have some kind of fun at this show and they did, to the detriment of the WWE. Some of their highlights included “singing along” to Fandango’s music and cheering for RVD, Randy Savage, and anyone/thing other than Sheamus or Orton during their match.
Overall, this was a weird RAW. It had some high points, but it wasn’t the best follow-up to a lackluster Mania.
Smackdown, the ball’s in your court.
The only new content on this show was taped around RAW this week, and the rest will likely be all hype, zombie attacks and video packages towards Mania. Hence, this review should be really short. Probably like one jump. Not even hopping, just hop. Now get to it and click that hyperlink below…
That’s what it’s called.
Well here’s my contribution to Wrestlemania week and like last year is a look at what Wrestlemania through the eyes of WWE’13 well the Wii version anyway. Hey it’s better than Smackdown vs. RAW 2010 which is what I used last year. Just to let everyone know that the Wii version of this game has no DLC so I’ll only be doing the matches I can with what I’ve got. I will also be doing this on simulate mode so I will have no effect on the outcomes of the matches. So without further ado, lets go: (more…)
A few days ago, the BoredWrestlingFan staff brought you their WrestleMania predictions podcast featuring Brian Muller of Lost Elysium and Gary Barnidge of the Cleveland Browns. It was brought to my attention that the advertised time of the podcast did not match the length of the MP3 that accompanied it. Upon further review, the ending was somehow cut off. Rather than fix the MP3 that was already available, I have decided to add the complete discussion of the WWE Championship match between The Rock and John Cena, and the ending to the show, as a separate file. Mostly so iTunes would pick it up. So. Enjoy.
Tonight! I will once again attempt to cover tonight’s WWE RAW broadcast in real time for you, the BWF faithful.
This is the last RAW before Wrestle-Mania this weekend, and WWE’s last chance to sell us on the Big Show. (Not the one in the six-man, although technically…) No, I mean the ENTIRE EVENT! Will they convince us to shell out $60-70 bucks in our respective areas this year?
Personally, I doubt it.
From WWE.com; “The Undertaker, Brock Lesnar, WWE Champion The Rock, John Cena, Triple H and CM Punk will all be at tonight’s Raw in Washington. What will unfold with Wrestle-Mania just days away?”
We’re getting a rundown of what to expect at Mania and what to look forward to tonight. Shawn Michaels will be here tonight for Triple H. John Cena responds to the Rock’s shot last week. Punk, Taker, Lesnar and… more stuff.
Cena’s out first and this is NOT a Cena crowd, here in DC. Jerry Lawler doesn’t even bother selling it as a “mixed” reaction. Lawler has Michael Cole and JBL with him at ringside.
“I stand in the middle of a house divided.” – John Cena
Rytman Remark: No you don’t John. They hate you.
John refers to everyone here tonight as “Cena-crats” and “Rock-publicans.” He gives Rock credit for conquering everything in his path and even goes so far as to call him the greatest WWE champion of all time. He talks about the pain of his loss last year and how the Rock will lose his custom-made WWE title in his first defense (of that specific belt.) He will happily keep the new belt just so the Rock will have to live with knowing every time someone brings up WWE, he’ll have to live with knowing someone else is defending that belt every night.
Cole asks us who we think will win Rock/Cena 2 and invites us all to “Tout” about it on line. He talks Jerry into posting a “Tout” about who he thinks will win Rock/Cena 2. Lawler goes with history and chooses Rock.
3MB is in the ring as Randy Orton, Sheamus, and the Big Show make their entrances. We get a look at last week’s Smackdown where they were able to fight off an attack by the Shield.
RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS/BIG SHOW VS. 3MB (HEATH SLATER/JINDER MAHAL/DREW MCINTYRE)
Match starts with the faces bouncing around Slater. McIntyre tags in and takes over with a missile drop-kick. Sheamus gets triple-teamed for a few moments but the match ends just the way you expected. RKO, Brogue-Kick, and Big K.O. on Mahal for the three-count.
After the match, the Shield comes out, cutting a promo from the crowd. The Shield congratulates our three heroes on their huge win, and convincing themselves they’re a team. But the Shield knows the truth; they are phonies and at Mania, everyone will believe in the Shield.
We come back to the announcement of Zeb Coulter getting in the ring tonight against World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio. We go to Zeb Coulter and Jack Swagger cutting a promo in front of our Nation’s Capital. Our country is broken because we all are weak. If we don’t like Swagger as World Heavyweight Champion, then we don’t deserve to be Americans.
Current WHC Alberto Del Rio responds in an interview segment. One of the great things about America is freedom of speech, and if Del Rio doesn’t like what Zeb says, he can do something about it. He will tonight, in the ring.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN (W/KANE) VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER (W/AJ & BIG E.)
This is a fast-paced back/forth with Ziggler on the defensive. AJ skips around Kane, setting him up for a charge from Big E. Bryan takes the E down with a flying kick to the head and Ziggler gets the three-count on Bryan w/a handfull of tights. Big E. nails Bryan and Kane tries to make the save. Big E. powers out of the choke-slam and lays out Kane with his drop across the shoulder.
Back from break, we get a look back at last August when Brock Lesnar took out Shawn Michaels.
Mr. Wrestle-Mania, HOFamer, and the Heart-Break Kid, SHAWN MICHAELS is here. He hits the ring as we get a look back at the Lesnar/Triple H feud of last year, with Lesnar breaking Trip’s arm in April, and winning their match at Summer-Slam.
“You didn’t think we’d have Wrestle-Mania without MR. Wrestle-Mania did you?” – Shawn Michaels
Shawn is out here to talk about Mania. He runs down the card, bringing our attention to one particular match, because he and his arm are part of the history in that match. Triple H comes out to reassure Shawn he knows what he’s doing, and he understands that Shawn was in the same spot Trips was in when Shawn retired. Shawn says their perdicaments couldn’t be more different. When Shawn lost his career-match, his opponent was just as heartbroken as him, because they had respect for each other. Brock Lesnar respects nothing. Triple H asks Shawn if he’s trying to talk him out of it. Shawn tells him he’d better kick Lesnar’s ass. Shawn will be in Triple H’s corner to make sure he does. They get ready to give the crowd the “suck it,” chant, when Lesnar comes out w/Heyman. Heyman lays it on the line. Triple H had better get used to dissapointment. At Mania, he will disapoint the fans, his best friend, his father-in-law, the board of directors and his wife…
“…But she’s probably used to that.” – Paul Heyman
Shawn and Hunter make the mistake of fighting from emotion, and that’s why Shawn had to retire, and that’s why Triple H will lose at Mania.
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS. ZACK RYDER
Miz joins the announce team at ringside. Ryder starts off strong, but Barrett takes control and beats him down. On the outside, Barrett jaw-jacks w/Miz, giving Ryder an opening. Ryder hits the “brosky-boot” for two, but Barrett takes over and ends this with the Bell-Hammer Elbow.
Rytman Remark: Announce team spent the whole match trying to hard sell Miz as a threat to Barrett. Came off pretty desperate. Maybe Barrett might retain.
Backstage: RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Gurerro and her assistant Brad Maddox are talking when Santino Morella walks in, telling them Vince McMahon is here tonight and he’s P-O’d about them. “Bricki” get freaked, until Santino reveals it was just an “April Fools” joke. Vicki orders Santino into the ring, as Maddox says we’ll see who the fool is.
SANTINO MORELLA VS. MARK HENRY AND DO I EVEN HAVE TO BOTHER TYPING ANYTHING?
We get a look at last week’s Smackdown when Henry attacked Ryback during their weight-lifting challenge. Cole tells us this did not violate their “no-contact” clause because Henry never touched Ryback, he just tried to shove a set of weights into his throat.
Rytman Remark: Are you fucking kidding me?
Mark grabs Santino. Santino threatens to bring out the Cobr-World’s Strongest Slam, three-count.
“FEED ME MORE!”
Ryback is out and in the ring. Henry reminds him of the no-contact clause, and walks off with a smile. Ryback responds by picking up Santino AND RAMMING HIM INTO HENRY. He checks if Santino is okay, THEN HOISTS HIM UP AND GORILLA PRESS-SLAMS HIM ON TO HENRY. BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT THE “GOOD GUY” DOES!
We go to break with Jack Swagger giving Zeb a pep-talk before his match with Del Rio
We come back to Matt Striker asking C.M. Punk if he’s disrespecting Paul Bearer’s memory…
“A better question is DO I GIVE A DAMN?” – C.M. Punk
Rytman Remark: I’ve been asking myself the same question.
Punk actually shocks me for a second with a remark about Paul Bearer’s streak of waking up every morning, which has been broken. He warns Taker that if he loses his temper, Punk will win by DQ. If he takes his eyes off the prise, he just might get choked out. If he loses focus, he just might be down one second too long. Punk makes it clear all he wants is to win, and he will spit in faces and walk on graves to do it, so that whenever anyone thinks of Wrestle-Mania, the grandest stage of all, they will think of C.M. Punk.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS. ZEB COULTER
Before the break, we saw Swagger breaking the ankle of Ricardo Rodriguez, making this personal. Ricardo intros ADR and Del Rio sends him to the back to be safe. Just as the match is starting, Ricardo comes back out, refusing to leave. Zeb hangs back, close to the ropes as Swagger stalks Ricardo. Ricardo raises a crutch, but Zeb swipes it. Swagger goes after the bad ankle, Del Rio kicks him down and saves Ricardo. Zeb wails on Del Rio with the Crutch when Del Rio rolls back in. Ref calls for the DQ as Swagger and Zeb beat down ADR with Ricardo’s crutches. Ricardo tries to get involved but Swagger swats him down.
Back from break, IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL……
The Rock is out to make his big speech to the DC crowd. Rock’s new movie, G.I. JOE: RETALLIATION is no.1 in the wold this week. We’re reminded to “Tout” our opinions on who will win at Mania.
Rock’s connection with the people is the only reason he’s standing in the middle of the ring right now. This Sunday isn’t about redemption, it’s about the will of the people, specifically the will of the people to see John Cena get curb-stomped. The will of the people can change the world, and maybe if the people will it, the Rock would have to live in this town, in the big white house up the road, and maybe…
“We go from President Barack to President Rock!” – The Rock
Rytman Remark: If that happens, I’m surrendering to China.
The Rock makes it very clear that the only way Cena will get the Rock’s title, is if the Rock rolls it up into a ball, lights it on fire, and shoves it up Cena’s candy ass.
Back from break, we get another look at Fandango attacking Jericho last week.
BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS. CHRIS JERICHO
Seriously, you can tell they’re just going throught the motions until Fandango comes out. It’s a basic back and forth with Jericho taking over with a hurra-con-rana off the top rope. Cue Fandango and partner comming out. The match comes to a dead stop as we go to break.
Apparently, during the break, Fandango actually gave Jericho a “two” with a score-card. Cesaro takes conrtol and spends a lot of time working the neck. Cesaro dominates Jericho with brute force, but Jericho’s agility turns the tide. Fandango walks to the ring, giving Jericho a “three.” Cesaro counters Jericho into the gut wrench, but Jericho comes back with high flying offense and takes out Fandango with a flying kick. Jericho wins this with the “Walls Of Jericho” but Fandango attacks from behind. He finishes Jericho off with the flying leg drop and gives us all the proper pronounciation of his name.
“FAHN-DAHN-GOH!” – Fandango
Jericho is left laying as Fandango and partner dance off.
Up next is OUR MAIN EVENT…
A promo…
From THE UNDERTAKER!
We come back to Touts.
Rytman Remark: That’s pretty much all I have to say about it.
The Funkadactyls are out w/Brodus and “Sweet T” for a Divas tag team match. They do the entrance and go to break.
Rytman Remark: You couldn’t just finish the commercials then start the match?
THE FUNKADACTYLS (w/BRODUS/TENSAI) VS. THE BELLA TWINS SISTERS (w/TEAM RHODES SCHOLLARS)
And yes, we will get an eight-person mixed tag at Mania, Brodus, Sweet T, and the Funkadactyls vs. Team Rhodes Schollars and the Bellas.
Naomi is the star of this match, carrying the workrate and spending most of it getting double-teamed. The match is not as bad as it should be, but the Bellas are showing the ring rust. The match consists of botched-spots and really should’ve been booked quicker. Cameron tags in and comes off as the most capable of the girls. The Bellas take it with a reversed roll-up as we go to break.
The Undertaker is out. Punk’s WWE title reign lasted over 400 days, but the pain he’s facing will last for eternity. Taker realizes the streak may come to an end, but Punk won’t live to talk about it. Suddenly, a group of torch-bearing, chanting druids enter. Taker looks on in confusion.
OH YES!!!
PAUL HEYMAN STANDS ON TOP OF THE STAGE DRESSED AS PAUL BEARER!
An enraged Undertaker goes after Heyman, then stops, realizing he’s been lead into a trap. Taker unloads on the druids, but gets taken down from behind by the one he was looking for, C.M. Punk. Punk beats down the Taker. Taker reaches for the urn, but Punk has it, and uses it to beat the deadman down.
Punk stands over the Taker, holding the urn. He opens the urn… and pours the ashes inside all over the Taker. He lets them spill through his fingers and throws them in Takers face. RAW ends with C.M. Punk mocking the Undertakers classic pose, as the Taker lies beaten on the ramp.
Rytman Remarks: Wow, I mean wow. I was going to say this RAW was another auto-pilot show coasting into Mania until the end.
Now look, I know those weren’t Paul Bearer’s actual ashes. I know it was part of the act. It’s just… I think it was too much. It just took me somewhere really uncomfortable.
To be fair, they HAD to do something to get this show some momentum, but still, it just seems desperate.
I really do hope it pays off.