Tag Archive: Johnny Ace

  1. Raw is in a Rush 1-9-12

    4 Comments

    So we begin Raw tonight.

    Kane talks forever. And then Cena comes out and they brawl into the crowd. It was a pretty awesome brawl and Cena was silent. I thought the announcers did a nice job of selling the brawl.

    Sheamus & Santino took on Wade Barrett and Jinder Mahal. It was not a bad match. Mahal got pinned with the Cobra. Mahal, hope you like Florida, because I think you’ll be wrestling at the Impact Zone.

    Miz is in the back with Johnny Ace and the never-ending cup of coffee with David Otunga.

    Edge is being inducted in the Hall of Fame. So deserved.

    Miz wants Mason Ryan to share needles or something.

    Then Zack Ryder is hitting on Eve again and it works. Then Kane is seen lurking in the shadows.

    Now Kofi Kingston is going to take on Daniel Bryan. I think it was a squash. Then Daniel Bryan celebrated like he had won the World Series. Then we had Big Show face off with Daniel Bryan.

    Brodus Clay finally debuts. Holy s***! It’s the love child of Ernest “The Cat” Miller and Flash Funk. Poor Curt Hawkins.

    We get Jack Swagger taking on CM Punk. Of course their match was good as we knew it would be. I also like the story they told of Dolph & Vickie getting involved. The ending just seemed kind of really weird, like a ref botch.

    Miz wanted Ricardo Rodriguez to call out R-Truth for him. Ricardo Rodriguez was so awesome. Then R-Truth came out and asked Ricardo Rodriguez to sing a song. So he sang a remix of La Cucaracha. Rodriguez owned that segment.

    Chris Jericho came out, soaked up the adoration of the crowd and began crying and then walked off. Brilliant.

    Eve was about to go to the ring when Kane’s music hit. So Zack Ryder comes to get her and then goes to the car. The car’s tire is flat. So Ryder gets out to change the tire and leaves Eve stuck in the car. Zack Ryder has never seen a horror film. And Kane is apparently really slow.

    Ziggler and Cena had a really nice match. And then, as we all knew would happen, Kane got to Zack Ryder. So Cena left the match and Kane laid him out.

    All in all… I really wanted to like this Raw. But they did everything they could to make me not like it. Chalk this one up to awful.

    To follow me on Twitter, click here. For Facebook, click here.

  2. Raw Is a Return 1-2-2012

    3 Comments

    Well, tonight’s Raw has been built around a return. There are rumors that Chris Jericho has been spotted at the Memphis airport. So have Undertaker and Michelle McCool. Rumors are flying around about Brock Lesnar. I think everybody has been spotted except Chyna. So tonight begins Raw.

    We start if off with a video package. And then John Cena starts off Raw. Any buzz I had for Raw was killed the moment Cena’s music hit. My daughter was still up and the minute she saw John Cena, she reached for the remote. I cannot make this up. So John Cena cut an ok promo on how fans can chant whatever they want. He’s going to keep on being John Cena. Then Kane does the same s*** he always does and we get pyro.

    Daniel Bryan is introduced and the crowd doesn’t even come close to reacting for him. This was a pretty decent match. We got to watch Cody show off his skills as a mat technician. Bryan did get some chants. But would he have without Cody? It was a really short good match. Bryan won and then went over and celebrated with the crowd. The only thing is that it was kind of really excessive.

    Johnny Ace recapped all the stuff with Miz. We get Miz and Sheamus. And then he called Miz a lame duck. Then they showed Miz walking away throwing a temper tantrum. And then R-Truth mocked a duck. Congratulations, WWE. You just killed R-Truth.

    They showed recaps of all the Wade Barrett stuff. And he was interrupted by Santino Marella of all people. Sure enough, Wade killed him. The best part was the Speed references. R-Truth is now stalking the Miz.

    Miz came out full of fire. And then Sheamus beat the sternum off of Miz. Miz tried running away. Then R-Truth was out in the crowd. R-Truth’s voices are now Little Jimmies. And then he beat up Miz with the Water Bottle of Doom. I feel really bad for Miz having to sell that. Then R-Truth found a kid and had him say something. I liked the segment. I just want to see more from what R-Truth is given to say.

    Dolph Ziggler cuts a nice short promo.

    Zack Ryder is trying to flirt with Eve Torres. Then Jack Swagger tries to talk trash. Ryder sounded sooooooo stupid. Then Johnny Ace makes a 6-man tag. So now Punk isn’t even going to be the main event? WWE, listen to what I say very closely. F*** you.

    I really liked the feel of the Punk/Ziggler match. It felt exactly like a main event should be. Too bad it wasn’t one. It was a good match with lots of near-falls. Johnny Ace interfered and there was a countout. Ziggler won and then ran away with the belt. He didn’t win the belt.

    The Bellas came out looking really smoking hot. We then got Kelly and Eve vs. Bellas. The Bellas won. It was pretty decent for usual divas matches.

    Punk delivered a promo where he was going to beat Johnny Ace “like a bitch.” Ooh, they said the word “bitch.” Let me know when Punk drops a pipebomb.

    Then they revealed the return of Chris Jericho. It was a pretty awesome moment. He looked genuinely happy and enthusiastic to be out there. It was the kind of reaction Hogan thinks he gets. He played with the crowd for a little bit and then went to the back.

    The main event was such a non-event. At least Cena and Ryder had the advantage. The only good part was Kane attacking Ryder afterwards and then laying out Cena and Ryder some more. Kane was about to suck Ryder into the abyss when Cena pulled him out at the end. Cheesy, but it IS a TVPG product.

    This was a pretty decent Raw. I’m close to calling it good, but we’re not quite there. I had things I liked: Ziggler’s promo, Bryan-Rhodes and Miz. There were some things I didn’t like: Cena in the main event, the Ziggler-Punk finish (not because of the countout but because Ziggler acted like he had won the belt) and opening it with a video package.

    There were some nice questions to be asked here and all of them are WTF’s revolving around Jericho. And that is as it should be. Now we have a reason to come back.

  3. Raw is Boxing Day 12-26-11

    Leave a Comment

    Happy Boxing Day to you and yours. My wife made my grandmother’s recipe of macaroni and cheese tonight, so I am a very happy man. I am also coming off my post-Christmas holiday. I spent today watching the King of the Deathmatch Tournament from IWA-MidSouth II from 2011. I will simply say that I have never called anything garbage wrestling, but that was it. There were some good names there like MASADA & BJ Whitmer, but it was pretty awful. They had the stereo-typical “gay” character who set wrestling back 20 years. The announcer did nothing but imitate Joey Styles and even used insider terms. And they had no idea of the progression of matches. Every match was so hardcore, by the time you got to the main event, there was no “Holy s***, this is the main event” moment. Sometimes, you watch a promotion and think, “Hm, I’d like to see them again.” This was so bad, I don’t think I’ll be getting this year’s KOTDM Tournament.

    But enough of a retread. They opened up in Chicago (in CM Punk’s hometown) with CM Punk’s music. Out came Johnny Ace dressed in CM Punk’s outfit. He tried to make a guantlet match featuring CM Punk. Then Punk tried to get Ace to accept a match with him. Groan… Punk was just missing something. Really can’t put my finger on it.

    Booker T is wrestling Cody Rhodes. Again. I ended up not seeing TLC, but wasn’t I just supposed to pay money for this? It just seems like we’re getting the same matches over and over and over again. They are not squash matches if the loser looks like they have a chance of winning. The WWE product is so repetitive that there’s no newness to their matches. Booker T won. As glad as I am to see him win, why did we have to watch that?

    Zack Ryder is thanking John Cena. All along Zack Ryder had it in himself.

    Kelly Kelly and Big Show are hawking an app of some kind. Then Scotty Armstrong tells Big Show that Johnny Ace needs him now!

    So Big Show punched David Otunga on Smackdown. Then Show said he could beat Otunga with one hand tied behind his back. I guess they are watching old nWo footage. Now Dolph and Swagger are arguing. It was pretty fun until the Planet of the Apes comment. That just sounded so 10-year-old on the playground. Ugh, just soooooooo bad.

    Eve an Zack Ryder come out to the ring. They seemed to get pretty decent crowd reactions. Then there was Tyson Kidd and Nattie Neidhart. It was actually not too bad of a match. I think the referee fell out of the ring as he was making the 3rd count. How botchariffic.

    Cena came out and cut a really forced promo praising the city of Chicago. He called out Kane and got The Miz. Miz wanted Cena. Cena accepted. A few minutes into the match, Miz couldn’t handle that people weren’t chanting for him. So he cuts a promo on Chicago and gets counted out. Are you f***ing kidding me? As he’s done, we get the R-Truth return. I really liked his return.

    We were saved from the retro nWo match by Big Show. It was short and painless. Mark Henry came out. Daniel Bryan came out. Then it was just Big Show and David Otunga in the ring. He channeled The Giant of old and did a chokeslam like he’d just joined the nWo all over again.

    Then Alberto Del Rio came out in a wheelchair. He told us all that he had a torn groin. Then the fans laughed. Classy. Then the Bellas got to fight over who could throw a party to help him recover. Awful.

    Swagger jobbed first. Then he attacked Punk to wear him down for Ziggler. I liked Punk and Ziggler’s work. Ace stopped the match, distracted Punk and then Ziggler pinned Punk. What a good opportunity for Ziggler. No hate over getting to watch those two. Just that I watched this match not too long ago.

    AAA’s El Zorro  Kane is walking to the ring. He starts explaining and Cena’s music hit. Kane cut a very nice promo explaining why he attacked Cena. He wanted Cena to give in to the hate. I thought Kane delivered his lines very well. I just felt like I was watching Empire Strikes Back.

    Overall, I’d have to say this was an awful Raw. There was nothing that got my attention for this show. The most exciting thing was R-Truth’s return. Remember yesterday when the Mavericks stunk up their home court? Let’s say the fans start booing Dirk. Does he get on the mic and ask how dare they boo him? That’s what we got with the Miz. It was uninspired, outright insulting and nothing worth seeing.

    To follow me on Twitter, click here. For Facebook, click here.

  4. Raw is Before Christmas 12-19-11

    2 Comments

    I remember Wrestlemania XX. That was the night that Chris Benoit won the title in the main event and then was greeted by Eddie Guerrero who had defended the other title that night. Very few times in my wrestling watching experience have I ever teared up not involving a death. That moment was one. Those of us in the IWC felt like we all had a moment. OUR two darlings were champs.

    Last night was another one of those nights. Our two indy darlings-CM Punk and Daniel Bryan-finished the night as champions of both brands. Now I’m not in some disillusioned world where I think WWE is going to magically turn into Ring of Honor. I’d just be happy to have some exciting, risky booking that means something. Punk and Bryan are people that we can care about. With the right booking, we can see them remain good champions.

    We opened it up with a drum roll and Punk introducing himself. Punk got a really good reaction. Then they introduced Zack Ryder who got such a good reaction. And then they introduced Daniel Bryan who got another huge reaction. Punk, Bryan and Ryder all began in the ring to start the show. Daniel Bryan had a lot of fire. They were interrupted by Miz, Ziggler & Del Rio. This segment would have been perfect had it not been for Michael Cole’s sheepish bleating he calls announcing. And the Johnny Ace came out to kill the segment. Actually, considering he has no voice, it was a pretty good segment.

    I saw Richard Lewis do comedy live once. It was every bit as awesome as I thought it could be.

    We were treated to Randy Orton vs. Wade Barrett, which I’m glad I didn’t pay $44.95 for. Randy Orton is a 9-time World’s Champion. It amazes me how little titles mean in the WWE. Wade Barrett put Orton through a table. Had no idea of what happened. I thought the work was very solid.

    Then Alicia Fox was wearing one of Mario’s fur hats or something. Then she pinned Beth Phoenix in record time. Then she wanted me to have a Foxy holiday. I really want to have a Foxy holiday. I will now ask my wife.

    Excuse me. I need to get up and get some ice for my jaw. Out comes Sheamus wearing the next t-shirt I will buy once Johnny Ace is off tv. And now we have Jinder Mahal? Sheamus killed him. That is as it should be.

    John Cena came out to the ring and talked to his confidant The Cameraman. He is again Shiny Happy Cena. That’s normal for anybody who Kane attacks. (<-sarcasm font) Mark Henry interrupted him and had some nice focus. Then Kane came out in El Zorro’s mask. He destroys Cena. Him not being Super Cena is good for long-run Cena. Cena had some good facials. Well-done.

    We got Primo & Epico vs. the Usos. Do we have a tag team division? It was a well-crafted tag match. I could really get behind this feud.

    Then Cody Rhodes cuts a pretty decent promo and was interrupted by Santino. He then beat Santino. Santino does a lot of things right. He is very good at selling and getting himself over in his role.

    They showed a recap of Tribute for the Troops which they used as an excuse to pimp out their PPV. That was when I stopped watching last week.

    The Bellas are again backstage with Johnny Ace. The Vicki tried to schedule a rematch and ended up getting kissed by Hornswoggle. Cute. Then we had an interview with Zack Ryder’s… dad? Big Show gave a very honest, in-depth interview.

    This was such an awesome moment. Daniel Bryan and CM Punk both came out of the crowd. For the first time since Summerslam, I actually feel like the WWE is giving me what I want. This is quite possibly the best match on Raw this year.

    A good Raw, except for one glaring minus-Michael Cole. If WWE actually spent their time listening to their fans on Twitter, rather than shoving it down our throats, they would know how much he hurts their product. I’m definitely not deceiving myself that this will be permanent, but this has been a great Christmas present.

    To follow me on Twitter, click here. For Facebook, click here.

  5. Raw Is Making Me Yearn For Dragon Gate 12-5-11

    1 Comment

    Sources are now saying WWE is working on their network and is planning on launching it the day of Wrestlemania. So if you think Twitter, has been pushed down our throats, get ready. You have seen nothing yet.

    Last night, I got to finish my first Dragon Gate USA match and had my life irrevocably changed. Something tells me things are going to seem worse because I have watched a match that will now be in my top 20 of all time. I also had the chance to see a really fun MPX show this weekend, so I’m still reeling off that. Maybe tonight I will watch wrestling as a diversion, which is exactly what it should be. If it’s painful, I may find myself going on Twitter and mocking it with my “tweeps.” Sometimes that makes it more entertaining than the show itself. I guess it’s because I do love wrestling so much that I want WWE to succeed and be good.

    Sorry for my rant. Here is Monday Night Raw.

    We start off with John Cena. The crowd is pretty mixed for him. Cena cut a pretty decent promo. And then we had Alberto Del Rio interrupt him. And then Cena went into 10-year-old-kid at the playground mode. Alberto Del Rio have footage of why he deserved a title shot. Then Vickie Guerrero interrupted the promo. Dolph Ziggler is in the main event mix? Cena tried to have a certain edge in his promo. It just sounded like a 10-year-old trying to cuss. Then the Miz came out. I hate to say this, but Miz’ swagger showed that the other three were not on his level. I liked the edgier direction they took this promo. Then Johnny Ace took the mic and could barely remember his lines. Then Ace set up Miz-Randy Orton.

    Randy Orton vs. Miz was a pretty decent match. It had a good intensity. Wade Barrett came out and distracted Orton when Miz slithered back into the ring to get the win by countout. Made Miz look good without Orton losing. I’m liking Orton’s work, which is a compliment since I don’t really like him. I’m also liking the Orton-Barrett feud.

    Zack Ryder is talking to Johnny Ace about how great the WWE Network looks. I guess a human being wasn’t available.  Then John Cena shows up shilling some merchandise. Johnny Ace makes a match. Zack Ryder vs. John Cena. Ryder gets a US title shot if he wins. Cena gets into the title match if he wins. Interesting.

    David Otunga tells Kevin Nash he will face HHH in a ladder match with a sledgehammer. I think Viscera would have a better ladder match than Kevin Nash. And now Kevin Nash gets to destroy some upstart’s career.

    We got Del Rio vs. Daniel Bryan. It wasn’t much of a match. Bryan was still coming off his rib injury so he was out to do the glorified job. I don’t think he lost too much.

    We got Eve & Kelly Kelly vs. Beth Phoenix & Nattie. It is nice to know we haven’t seen that match before (<-sarcasm font). My wife heckled their work. That’s bad.

    Then we got John Cena vs. Zack Ryder. I’m intrigued to see where this will go. John Cena beat him without killing him too badly. So the WWE is going to work on building John Cena by having him beat the most popular wrestler in the company.

    John Cena had a lot of fire for his backstage promo with Johnny Ace. He gave up his title shot for Zack Ryder to get another chance. That is a good step in rebuilding John Cena.

    Zack Ryder got Mark Henry. Ouch. Ryder sold like Shawn Michaels. Then John Cena comes out and does an Attitude Adjustment and has Ryder cover Henry. Strange. Ryder beat Henry but was not put over.

    Nash walked down to the ring in record time. He killed Santino.

    For the main event, I got Dolph Ziggler-Sheamus. Ryder interfered and Sheamus ended up getting the win. In some ways I think Dolph Ziggler is this generation’s Mr. Perfect. And that is NOT a name I use lightly.

    Then there was a contract signing. CM Punk came out and cut some major promos. Miz has so much fire. The fans are rejecting Alberto Del Rio. Then there was some major battling that went on.

    All in all… Pretty decent Raw. I like the edgy inside stuff. They seemed to be focused.

    To follow me on Twitter, click here. For Facebook, click here.

  6. Raw Is Too Long 11-14-11

    1 Comment

    Tonight was a 3-hour Raw with The Rock or something.

    It began with the Michael Cole challenge. There was a really awful arm wrestling. Then we got to see JR dance. Is there anything they won’t do to him? At this point, Jim Ross needs to tell the WWE to go f*** themselves. Then the final thing was a weighing contest. Then we are saved by CM Punk who rips into Michael Cole. Finally we have the sanest man in wrestling. Johnny Ace makes a match and Eddie Kingston dies inside. CM Punk is RP McMurphy in the insane asylum.

    Mick Foley came out of a limo.

    We had a pretty decent tag match. Cody Rhodes and Hunico versus Sin Cara and Kofi Kingston. It was a good solid match. The funniest part was that she had to leave the room because she was on the phone and she got distracted because she likes Sin Cara.

    The Rock arrived. My wife’s heart fluttered.

    Santino pimped the WWE new video game with Zack Ryder.

    Vickie Guerrero walked out. Dolph Ziggler would be the new member of Team Barrett.

    The Walking Wellness Violation Mason Ryan took on Dolph Ziggler. Vickie interfered and Dolph was dq’d. As Vickie and Dolph ran, John Morrison threw him back in the ring for some roid rage.

    Mick Foley got to do the “Woo woo woo, you know it” thing with Zack Ryder. Then he walked out before the adoring crowd. Foley wants people to cheer John Cena. Then Foley invites John Cena to the ring. They went back to This is Your Life? Foley is one of my favorite all time on the mic. (Punk, Funk, Heyman, Dusty, Flair) Why did they have to have to do something so unoriginal? It was fun seeing Bull Buchanan. Then they brought out John Cena, Sr. I will never complain about Bob Orton Sr. after seeing that travesty.

    We got Jack Swagger getting mugged by Sheamus. It wasn’t that bad of a match. Swagger now is my cue to play Civilization IV.

    The Bellas would rather have Alberto Del Rio than Zack Ryder.

    There was a video package of Kelly Kelly’s photo shoot. Due to me not being 12, I could care less.

    Kelly Kelly pinned Nattie Neidhart in record time. Alicia Fox looked really hot in her dress. But don’t worry, AJ, you’re still the center of my Divas universe.

    Super Dave and ADR argue about something. Matt Striker is standing by with R-Truth and Miz. I think Miz was just wearing random outfits that didn’t matter whether they matched or not.

    As Punk was walking out to the ring, ADR attacked him. Ugh, why is Punk walking around by himself?

    Alberto Del Rio walks out and I just gotta say Ricardo Rodriguez is one of my favorite things on WWE TV. We had ADR/Henry vs. Big Show/Punk. Punk apparently had some spinach or something. He came out and wanted ADR. This made me intrigued with this match for the first time ever. I thought they had some pretty decent things going on in this match. Big Show-Henry was no Chikara action, but I am looking forward to this match. ADR won and then put Punk in the arm breaker. Big Show came to his rescue. Decent build-up.

    Santino Marella came out and cut a cute promo. Then Kevin Nash came out; everybody died inside except Jim Cornette. At least it wasn’t a big name he destroyed.

    Michael Cole was doing the video game hard sell and my wife the nurse pointed out he wasn’t even wearing his sling right.

    Looks like they’re serious about Wade Barrett again. It was a decent match, but it was SO predictable.

    Then The Rock came out and rambled. Fortunately for us, with The Rock, it never seems like rambling. Then Miz and Truth came out and held their own against The Rock, and then John Cena came out. They forgot the TV-PG part for a minute. It was just ok for me.

    I didn’t entirely hate this Raw. The first segment made me want to close my eyes and dream of Chikara. But it went better as time went on. I’m thinking “thumbs in the middle.”

    To follow me on Twitter, click here. For Facebook, click here.

  7. Raw Is Halloween 10-31-11

    3 Comments

    I may have no idea what is going on tonight during Raw. I had a hard time sleeping on Friday night and had one last hurrah for my about-to-be brother-in-law as we celebrated his bachelor party. We started out at a Dallas Stars game and then ended up somewhere at a Dick’s Last Resort in downtown Dallas. There was a fan at the Dallas Stars game dressed as John Cena. He was booed every time he walked past a group of adults.

    I am running on a lot of sleep deprivation. And random brats are going to be knocking on my door asking for free candy. If Raw gets really bad tonight, I may find myself plugging in Night of the Living Dead and blogging on that instead.

    The Rock was there in a pre-recorded statement. Yawn… I hate to say this, but it was a pretty good pre-recorded promo. I’m sure the crowd must have been happy to pay to watch a pre-recorded statement.

    Our first match was Punk and Henry. Johnny Ace came out and reminded us of who he was I guess… to see if fans would tune out earlier. Alberto del Rio sent in the Mexican Paul Bearer (Ricardo Rodriguez) to interfere and keep Punk from winning. My wife compared to Alberto del Rio to a Mexican Superman. I think she was on to something. Punk sent Rodriguez back into the ring and he got attacked by Henry. Are we building up Del Rio-Henry?

    We get the Muppets on Monday Night Raw. I just wrote that. Then we get the Human Muppet Vickie Guerrero. I gotta admit I loved Vickie and Miss Piggy. Santino came out to their rescue. The highlight was Kermit calling Vickie his mother. The other highlight was Santino was calling him John Laryngitis. Then Kelly Kelly came out and made out with Kermit. It even made my wife laugh.

    There was a Divas costume battle royal. Alicia Fox won the costume contest for me. Eve won the match.

    Then we had a skit with Bunsen and Beaker where Christian bullied him. (Remember, Christian. Nobody likes a bully.) Then my Halloween costume Sheamus came to his rescue. They are related. Cute.

    We had AirBoom take on Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett which made no sense. Cody Rhodes got a nice crowd reaction. They won for absolutely no reason. Then Christian comes in which calls on the mobilization of Team Pasty White.

    Then Statler and Waldorf did the “What?” stuff. Cute. I’ll just skip over the Johnny Ace segment. It looked like Weekend at Bernie’s with Punk trying to carry the deadweight.

    We got Big Show versus Alberto del Rio. The crowd had no reaction whatsoever, but it was a nice dramatic match. It made sense for Show-ADR. The crowd was dead and couldn’t care less. Big Show won like he hadn’t pinned the champ. I’ve been trying to look at this positively, but this has been a pretty awful first hour.

    Punk comes out and sits in the ring and puts him in the Anaconda Vice until he agreed to a match at Survivor Series. Then we had Fozzie and Gonzo. Swagger and Ziggler twisted Gonzo. Swagger really has no presence.

    Then it was time for the Swagger-Santino match. The work was fine. I’m tiring of Swagger. Beaker gave Santino a blue liquid he spit on Swagger. He pinned him.

    Zack Ryder had Dolph Ziggler. I think the match was well-booked. I was just so turned off by this whole night. Ryder won.

    We had no HHH tonight which was an improvement to me. I fast forwarded Michael Cole just because I refuse to watch a human being get treated that way.

    Miz and Cena were the main event. It was a pretty decent match. Cena won.

    Well, Raw was pretty awful tonight. I enjoyed a lot of the Muppet segments. While we had no HHH, it was riddled with nothing but the same tired cliches. I can name 3 people almost immediately who need off the tv NOW. Not a lot of hope after this week’s episode.

    To follow me on Twitter, click here. For Facebook, click here.

  8. Raw Es Mexicano 10-17-11

    2 Comments

    Ésta noche, estamos en México D.F. para Raw. Pues, voy a blogear totalmente en español para celebrar.

    According to my professors, I couldn’t write good in Spanish so I better quit while I’m ahead. (And yes, my grammatical error is there completely for irony.) All I said was tonight, we are in Mexico City for Raw. So, I’m going to blog totally in Spanish to celebrate. (Or something equivalent to that)

    Last week, we suffered through one of the worst Raws since Katie Vick. If I were personally not committed to do the Raw blog, I would have switched to Fox and watched House or something. I still have faith that somehow they will turn this around.

    We start off the night with Super Dave Osborne in the ring. He is so awful on the mic. The wrong Dynamic Dude is speaking. (Shane Douglas, where are you?) He brings back Jim Ross. I haven’t seen a more emotionless hug since Hollywood Hogan hugged “in-the-rafters” Sting. He makes a match. Cole/Del Rio vs. Ross/Cena. At least we know who’ll win.

    Randy Orton comes out. The crowd acted like it was Juanes. In accordance with the art of Lucha Libre, we get a 6-man tag. Orton/John Morrison/Sheamus versus Christian/Cody Rhodes/Mark Henry. The crowd hung off of every move Randy Orton made. Orton & Rhodes were not long for this match as they got to go to the back and fight. It was a nice match. I really feel that Henry is coming into his own as a top guy. The John Morrison Future Endeavors tour continued as he was probably killed by Mark Henry.

    No matter what happens here, it could be worse. I could be seeing that awful movie In Time.

    We got some more time with Broadus Clay. He isn’t a bad speaker. After the Bellas hung on Johnny Ace, they can only go up. Eve is making her way to the ring. I will take this opportunity to pee. It took longer than I intended. I have no idea what happened.

    After the commercial, we got CM Punk and then Awesome Truth came out. They cut a promo on Punk and he just stood there and smiled. This was a decent match. My satellite went out so I have no idea what happened. Punk got a roll-up and won.

    We had Jack Swagger escorted by Dolph and Vickie. She looked really nice in her traditional Mexican dress. And yes, she said “Excuse me” in Spanish. They really got the crowd going. They were very good with them. Then we were saved by my daughter’s favorite wrestler, Zack Ryder. My daughter doesn’t know any wrestlers. She just says, “Woo woo woo.” Zack Ryder get a pin in record time. After they start a beatdown on Ryder, he is saved by Matista.

    Ziggler did a good job carrying the Walking Wellness Violation. Matista got disqualified for… I have no idea.

    Then JR and John Cena had a little back and forth and then Cole heeled the crowd.

    The main event turned out to be an ok match. For it to be a good match, I have to believe Cena can lose.

    This was not as bad as last week’s Raw. We are still stuck with Super Dave Osborne, but the crowd was hot and made the wrestlers seem important. There is plenty that can be improved, but for tonight, I’ll rest on not hating it.

    To follow me on Twitter, click here. For Facebook, click here.

  9. Smackdown: 10/14/11. This has to be better than RAW

    2 Comments

    Egad, RAW was horrible this week. I’m not even going to bother getting into it, instead turn the page to everybody’s favorite “B” Show. So, let’s just hop into it… shall we? Oh, and if you haven’t heard, it looks like Dave Lagana has jumped from ROH to TNA. Totally unrelated, I know.
    (more…)

  10. Raw Is Vacant 10-10-2011

    1 Comment

    Well, words escaped the end of last week’s Raw. That was one of the most surreal Raws I ever saw. Now it’s time to see how the WWE follows it up. The announcer’s seats are empty. We get a nice perspective of the back area. And we get to start with Triple H. Surprise. And after HHH’s entrance, there’s only 15 minutes left of Raw, so no worries there. The superstars are outside and waiting for HHH to step down. Then he panders worse than Hogan’s cup to the ear thing. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, the Confederate Warrior himself John Cena comes to the ring. We get serious John Cena. He didn’t sound so scripted. And then comes out my Pasty White Hero, Sheamus. He’s still with HHH. Then Punk comes out. He’s still with HHH. He makes a match. Cena vs. Sheamus with Punk on commentary and HHH as ref.

    Commercial break. I have been without caffeine for 2 days. Any more Red Robin commercials, I will need to be held down.

    After the commercial Vince McMahon comes out. Everyone’s heart sunk. Vince likes watching Raw at home. Board of Directors met about this situation. HHH is no longer running Raw. The new person running Raw is Super Dave Osborne. If I was not doing this review, I would be watching 2 Broke Girls on DVR.

    Brian Wilson is on my tv. All of a sudden, Super Dave Osborne isn’t so bad.

    Now all the wrestlers are coming back in. John Morrison tells Johnny Ace he sucks. Then he continues his burial tour against Christian. My wife notices Morrison has shaved his face. She acted like I did when Nelson Cruz hit his grand slam. Morrison was squashed. Then Ziggler, Swagger & Rhodes take out Morrison.

    Then HHH threatens Super Dave.

    Then Randy Orton and Mark Henry had a match. Cody Rhodes interferes. DQ. Mark Henry beats him up a few times. Randy Orton is ridiculously stale.

    We had Kelly Kelly & Eve vs. Rosa & Tamina. We’ve still got psycho angry Kelly. Eve pins Tamina. Poor Tamina. Super Dave asks JR to come into the ring. Really? At this point in his career, what are you going to do to JR they haven’t already done? Super Dave is so awful on the mic. He just sounds like he’s reciting a script. He fired JR.

    We get Matista & AirBoom vs. Swagger, Ziggler & Otunga. This is the best match of the night so far by default. The highlight was the powerbomb Jack Swagger did on Evan Bourne. I have nothing against Matista/Mason Ryan. He just looks like he couldn’t pass a piss test.

    John Cena’s movie looks awful. And I like Ethan Embry.

    Punk and Del Rio were fighting until Super Dave stopped it and reinstated Awesome Truth. I stopped caring during this match. I was impressed by what I saw from ADR. The work in this match was really good. I just felt like I was watching House-no show is ever new; I just watch out of habit. Miz/Truth were disqualified and then HHH came to Punk’s rescue.

    This is without a doubt the worst Raw I have seen in a long time. This is just as bad as Katie Vick era or the night the nWo started demolishing the Nitro set. The first 15 minutes were brilliant and then it was just like a fart in church from there. They most likely killed drawing in Oklahoma and I would be surprised to see their ratings higher than 2.5. Not saying all hope is lost. But something needs to change.

    To follow me on Twitter, click here. For Facebook, click here.