First things first. Happy Memorial Day, and a thank you to those who have made that ultimate sacrifice to allow guys like me to sit here and talk about whatever the hell they want to on the internet. Second, happy 3rd Anniversary to my beautiful wife, Mrs. ThinkSoJoE. Third, happy birthday to my friend and BWF Radio co-host Mark Noyce. Now that the formalities are out of the way, let’s get this 3 hour show out of the way. This is one of those “I don’t feel like watching this show” nights. So we’re going to skip through it and give you basically what you need to know to follow the current storylines. Sound good? Let’s go.
I watch 30 minutes, leave, then watch the whole show from the beginning, just so you don’t have to. Maybe that’s why ratings are slumping?
We open with the annual Memorial Day tribute montage to our armed forces, asking us to reflect on all we owe them.
(Does that include health care and financial aid?)
Our “prologue” if you will, is a recap of everything you know by now if you watch WWE programs. Show double-crossed Cena at Over the Limit because no one felt sorry for him when he was humiliated and fired.
Back in present time, the Big Show comes out in the Big Suit. He points to the smile on his face and says that’s doing his job. All those times he came out and made us smile was just business. Now that he has an iron clad contract and a huge bonus, he doesn’t have to care about anybody but himself. He claims there’s no one in his league;
“No helmet, shoulder pad, 4 month out of the year, NFL player, no toothpick, noodle arm, NBA player, no Phony UFC fighter, and no one, in that locker room.”
Show claims what really upset him was how easily we moved on without him. Here we cut to a clip of Brodus Clay dancing with the ladies and kids.
“MY TEARS WEREN’T EVEN DRY!” – Big Show.
Apparently, we’re all shallow and phony to him, but the biggest disappointment was Cena not leading a mutiny in support of Big Show, how instead, he chose to mock Johnny Ace, and act like everything was a joke.
“I guess that’s all I am; one big joke.” – Big Show.
Show gives us a rundown of Cenas’ recent failures including the loss to Rock, the beating from Brock, and the loss to Johnny Ace, and promises to do all that and more to him at No Way Out.
“And that put’s a Smile on my Face.” – Big Show.
Punk vs. Bryan is announced while we watch Santino Morella get warmed up for his match with Alberto Del Rio.
Commercials
REWIND: LAST FRI, SMACKDOWN – Santino def. Ricardo Rodriguez.
We come back to the action with Alberto Del Rio driving in one of his expensive cars as RR introduces him, while Santino “power walks” to the ring.
Alberto Del Rio vs. U.S. heavyweight champion Santino Morella
Del Rio Charges before the bell.
Beats down Santino w/kicks to the legs and punches to the head.
Front face lock by Del Rio as he takes him to the corner.
Del Rio misses a charge into the corner.
Santino w/a hip toss/diving head butt combo.
Santino goes for the COBRA!
Del Rio w/a kick to the torso, front face lock, float over into the cross arm-breaker.
Santino taps out.
WINNER; ALBERTO DEL RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIO!
Rodriguez makes a point of shouting right in the face of Santino and rubbing it in.
Backstage: We see Eve close up. Alex Riley is with her, trying to sweet talk her into something when Big Show walks in. Eve informs Show that Johnny Ace has authorized him to pick his own opponent for tonight and leaves. Riley tries to make nice with the Show which results in Show sending a message to the whole locker room, by slamming Riley into the wall.
Commercials
Shot of Bourbon Street
Up next is a WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH!
Champs Kofi Kingston/R-Truth are out first.
Vicki Guerrero comes out and starts with the “EXCUSE ME!” bit.
Crowd shot: Sign -“There’s no excuse for you Vicki!”
Vicki introduces Jack Swagger an Dolph Ziggler.
Tag Team Title Match: R-Truth/Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger
Swagger/Kofi each go in first.
Collar-elbow lock up, into the corner.
Swagger misses a charge.
Kofi w/2 shots to the legs and a dropkick.
Tag to R-Truth.
There is a Double hip toss on Swagger.
Truth w/a dance and a leg drop for a two count.
Swagger whips Truth into the ropes.
Truth hits the breaks and gives a shimmy.
Swagger charges.
Truth ducks.
Swagger over and out to the floor.
Ziggler runs in.
Kick by Kofi connects with Ziggler.
Double wrist lock/jumping snap kick to Ziggler.
Double baseball slide kick sends Ziggler to the floor.
Commercial
Back from commercial.
Swagger with a double arm hook on Kofi.
Recap: During commercial, Ziggler distracts Kofi, Swagger hits a shoulder block, and Kofi hits the floor.
Kofi fights off a double teaming, but is sent hard, back into the corner.
Swagger w/shoulder blocks.
Ziggler starts choking Kofi w/tag rope.
Swagger w/a body slam to Kofi and tags Ziggler.
Ziggler drops an elbow and gets 2 w/sloppy cover.
Chin lock/arm bar on Kofi by Ziggler.
Both men up.
Kofi gets two hits.
Ziggler kicks him into the corner, misses a charge.
Ziggler gets a tag.
Kofi makes a tag.
R-truth hits Swagger with flying thrust kick, boot to the stomach, DDT for a 2 count.
Ziggler makes the save.
Truth launches Kofi up/over/into Swagger.
Swagger tries a roll-up, for a 2 count.
Swagger hoist Truth up, charges the corner.
Truth slips behind.
Swagger hits the corner.
Truth jumps up, grabs his head, and pulls him face first to the canvas.
Truth scores the 3 count.
WINNERS/STILL CHAMPIONS: R-TRUTH/KOFI KINGSTON
Ziggler is not happy.
He tells off Vicki and Swagger and bolts.
Backstage: Santino is walking hurt with some help when Show rolls up on him and grabs his face. He teases calling out Santino as his opponent when Brodus Clay steps up and dares Show to pick him. Show agrees.
“Forget about dancing. You won’t even be walking.” – Big Show.
Commercials
Did you know? WWE’s “Be a Star” Campaign made it into the records in congress.
Johnny Laurenitis Larinitis Meningitis Ace, GM of both RAW and SMACKDOWN rolls out in his motorized wheelchair with David Otunga and Eve Torres in tow. He introduces himself and announces he will now make several announcements. Big Show will face Brodus Clay tonight, and at No Way Out, Cena vs. Big Show is now a CAGE MATCH. Johnny claims to be “the most popular WWE superstar in history,” and talks about people wanting HIM on the cover of the new WWE 12 video game. John pulls the cover off an easel to reveal his face beaming off the cover of the game box.
“This Will Be Bigger Than Pac Man!” – Johnny Ace.
We hit the song “Cult of Personality,” and here comes the WWE champion, C.M. Punk. Punk hits the ring, and alls out Johnny on his bull-shinola.
“Neither Pac Man nor you have ANY testicles whatsoever.” – C.M. Punk.
Punk basically calls the formerly Dynamic Dude out of touch and reveals the TRUE face of WWE ’12. We hit the fireworks and drop the canvas. C.M. Punk stands cross armed, straight edged, and ready to fight on the cover of the new game.
“Take the hoeski and Carlton and get outta my ring.” – C.M. Punk.
Johnny, not wanting to incur the wrath of the B.O.D. ; simply limps out the ring with underlings in tow, while Punk trashes Johnny’s picture.
Punk v. Bryan next
Commercials
Crowd Sign: YES!
We come back with Punk in the ring and Bryan making the big entrance, while the announcers –Cole and King- bring up the recent unpleasantness with Kane and some folding chairs.
Recap: Bryan attacking Kane w/Chair last Smackdown.
WWE Champion C.M. Punk vs. Daniel Bryan
Lock up.
Bryan w/the wristlock into a side headlock, both men back into the ropes.
Bryan hits a shoulder block off the ropes.
Bryan shoots off the ropes, over Punk.
Punk leapfrogs Bryan.
Hip toss, arm drag, Punk w/the arm bar.
Bryan gets up on his feet.
Punk puts a wristlock on Bryan.
Bryan rolls over/benches up, hooks Punk at the waist, takes him over with a suplex variation, into the arm bar.
Bryan bends Punk’s hand backwards, presses it to the mat, stomps the elbow, and locks in a hammerlock.
Punk elbows free, shoots off the ropes.
Bryan goes down.
Punk goes over.
Bryan jumps up.
Punk catches him, hits a reverse atomic drop, and a kick to the torso.
Punk drops the knee five times and leg scissors Bryan.
Punk ties up Bryans’ legs and gets him into the surfboard.
Bryan rolls out, lands on Punk, 2 count.
Punk sweeps the legs, gets a 2 count.
Bryan hooks the legs, flips on top, and gets a 2 count.
Punk bridges up. Both men struggle for a back slide. Punk hoist Bryan up on his shoulder and drops him back first into the knee for a 2 count.
Punk hooks Bryan into suplex position but drops him on the top rope.
Punk moves in, Bryan grabs the arm and drops down, pulling the arm across the rope.
Bryan hits a flying knee off the top rope and slide kicks Punk to the floor.
Bryan dives, Punk side steps and hits a kick to the mid section.
Punk hits a moonsault off the ropes onto Bryan.
AJ comes to ringside.
Commercial
We return w/Punk putting the boots to Bryan in the corner.
Replay: Bryan hits a flying knee on the outside.
Punk tries a suplex, Bryan slips out, whips into the corner, reversal. Bryan climbs the corner and flips over Punk, runs into Punks’ boot. Punk misses a moonsault and lands hard.
Bryan hits with a running charge/low dropkick, and works Punks’ arm.
Punk fights back w/kicks, but Bryan hooks a wristlock and pulls the arm hard across his shoulder.
Bryan goes “YES!” 3 times and scores a running dropkick into the corner, 2 count only.
Punk hits some kicks but Bryan hooks the arm and takes Punk up/over w/a suplex for a 2 count.
Bryan goes back on the arm.
Punk gets 2 hits. Bryan works the arm again but runs into a knee by Punk.
Punk hits a charging forearm, shoots Bryan into the ropes. He hits a jump-thrust kick for a two count.
Punk scores a running knee lift in the corner, but Bryan shrugs off the bulldog attempt.
Bryan misses a kick. Punk gets 2 w/a roll up.
Forearm twice by Bryan, reversed Irish whip, Punk up/over to the ring apron, shoulder block by Punk and a clothesline from the top rope for 2.
Punk tries a flying elbow, but Bryan hits the rope and Punk drops crotch-first on the corner.
Superplex by Bryan gets 2.
Bryan heads to the corner and unties a turnbuckle.
AJ gets up on the ring and tries to tell the ref.
Bryan shouts at her, Punk scores a kick to the head for 2.
Punk yells at AJ, charges Bryan, Bryan hoists him up, face-first into the exposed corner for a 3-count.
Bryan celebrates until Kane attacks him w/a chair. He choke slams Bryan out.
AJ throws Punk a chair, Punk fights off Kane.
WINNER: DANIEL BRYAN. (YES! YES! YES!)
Backstage-Eve sends Teddy for some coffee while Johnny Ace berates her and Otunga. He points out that Otunga taped out in 10 seconds to the STF, while Johnny took two at the last ppv. He berates Eve for not getting Sheamus to apologize to him. He threatens to stay on the job another 20 years and Eve spits her coffee on Teddy. That’s more of my attention than it deserves.
More commercials
I-C Champion Christian vs. Miz (surprise!)
Lock up.
Miz w/a knee, gets a side headlock.
Christian shoots him off the ropes.
Christian ducks down.
Miz goes over.
Christian w/a flying shoulder block.
Christian w/a boot to the mid-section, sunset flip off the top rope.
Miz rolls out and hits a kick to the face for a 2.
Miz takes Christian face first into the corner. He beats him down w/a knee and punching.
Miz walks back, and hits a charging leap clothesline.
Miz scores a double ax-handle for a 2 count.
Chin lock by Miz.
Christian fights out, but Miz scores his reverse face lock, knee drop, neck breaker combo for 2.
Miz drops down on Christians’ back and works a chin lock.
Christian fights his way to his feet, Miz takes him to the corner. Miz hits 2 shoulder blocks and sets Christian up on the corner. Christian fights him back and scores a missle drop kick for 2.
Christian springs over the top rope, hits a shot to face on Miz.
Christian climbs the corner, hops over Miz and scores a reverse DDT.
Christian tries a spear, but eats a boot to the face, Miz gets 2.
Miz wails on Christian in the corner, Christian hits a double kick to the face, and a flying elbow from the top rope.
Christian gets distracted by Cody Rhodes, Miz gets 2 w/a roll up.
Christian goes to the corner and hits a kick to the midsection. He hops up on the corner ropes but Miz grabs an ankle and pulls.
Christian hits the mat face first.
Miz tries for the “Skull Crushing Finale,” Christian reverses it into a “Killswitch” attempt, but Miz shoves him into the corner.
Miz misses a charge and hits the corner. Christian hits the Killswitch and gets the 3.
More Commercials
We’re back, and Miz is peeved about not being treated like a star. He’s not leaving the ring until…
Cue Randy Orton.
Orton hits the RKO and basks in the cheers.
Backstage: Dolph thinks he should be getting cheers like Orton. He wants out of his tag team with Ziggler. Vicky will see what she can do.
Next: Sheamus v. Otunga.
Before the next break, we get a special Memorial Day voice over message from John Cena. It’s basically an elaborate “thank you,” to our Armed Forces for their service. I agree with the sentiment, I just think it’s a little bit pandering to have Cena be the only one to do it.
Commercial
We come back to David Otunga making his entrance to a round of boos. Sheamus comes out next.
World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus vs. David Otunga
Otunga charges in strong w/kicks and punches, but Sheamus fires back.
Sheamus tries a whip, Otunga reverses it, but a hip-toss attempt is met w/ a clothesline.
Otunga rolls out.
Sheamus goes after Otunga. Otunga pulls Sheamus neck first into the rope.
Otunga charges, Sheamus scoops him up into a slam attempt.
Otunga slides down, and sends Sheamus into the corner. Otunga hits a solid clothesline for a 1 count.
Otunga hooks the head and peppers Sheamus on the chest with clubbing shots.
Otunga shoots off the ropes and hits a low shoulder block. Otunga makes 3 pin attempts in a row, but never gets more than 2.
Otunga takes Sheamus to the corner and works him over w/knees and clubbing forearms. He flexes for the crowd.
Otunga whips Sheamus into the corner, Sheamus bounces back with an axe-handle smash, then another. He sends Otunga over the top rope, Otunga hangs on. Sheamus clubs his chest with forearm shots. He pulls Otunga in and hits the “white noise.”
Sheamus ends this with the “Brogue kick” and a 3 count.
Crowd Shot: Kid rocking The Sheamus look.
FUNKASAURUS up next
Commercial: ECW Unreleased, vol.1
Madagascar 3 – interest 0
Recap: Over The Limit – Big Show’s betrayal, and subsequent sucker punch on Cena.
We have the intro –you know the drill.
Funkasaurs, Funkateers, Funka-dactyls, and I go Funk myself.
The announcers remind us Brodus is 22 and 0 so far in his run.
Big Show comes out. He claims to be a fan, and compares embarrassing things he’s done (sumo match at mania in a diaper,) to Brodus doing embarrassing things every night. He suggests Brodus get some make-up/a wig and be the new Doink.
“The Difference btw you and Doink, Doink actually had talent.” – Big Show.
Brodus dares Show to step up. Show responds with a spear that shakes the arena (or at least a cameraman.) And from that point on, it’s pretty much a mugging. The Funkasaurs is bitchified all over the arena floor while his backup dancers stand scared in the ring. Kofi and R-Truth run out to try a save, but Show tosses Kofi into R-Truth and resumes the battering with a piece of the announcers table. Show brutalizes Truth. Kofi gets a big kick in, but gets sent through the Barricade. Truth gets sent to the stairs. WMD to Clay and Show leaves 3 men down.
Raw ends with Johnny Ace raising the Show’s hand, up on the stage.
RYTMANS’ RESPONSE: Ya know, at this point, I like it when a show goes on autopilot like this. We get more actual wrestling, and interview segments that actually go somewhere (for the most part.) However, right now, I’d like to address all the people who were complaining that WWE wasn’t giving the Punk/Bryan program enough attention.
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!? WE GOT KANE AND AJ BOTH SHOVED INTO THIS! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WWE PAYS ATTENTION TO SOMETHING WE LIKE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW!?
For the record, I can’t hate on Kane or AJ, and I’m good with them making a check. I just don’t know why we have to pile on sub-plots to a story we’re happy with.
Show was awesome tonight, and actually got the crowd chanting big for Cena. Show makes an awesome monster heel, mainly because he‘s got charisma and personality peppered into his rage.
Side Note: I’m actually wondering if any of that stuff he said about being treated like a joke was a shoot.
Side-Side Note: BOD = Board of Directors
So, there’s my first ever official RAW recap. Hope you like it.
Alright, this is my first time posting this myself, so forgive me if it comes out looking a little weird or anything!!
So, I had to start about a half hour late, due to class and trying to eat. However, my friend, @Niki_Sushi covered me on what happened, though I didn’t miss that much.
Apparently, Smackdown General Manager, Theodore Long and RAW General Manager, Bret Hart, have asked the Miami audience to vote on what match should happen later on. I don’t know what the choices were, but the result is Edge vs Randy Orton in match, where Edge will have one hand tied behind his back.
Next, the fans vote between a bodyslam match, a submission match, or an Over the Top Rope match for Big Show and Chris Jericho. They chose a BodySlam match.
Big Show vs Chris Jericho in BodySlam Match
Show hit him in a submission, and then threw him over the top rope anyway.
Big Show wins.
Who will face the Hart Dynasty? The Usos, The DudeBusters, or Hornswoggle and The Great Khali? Vote now!
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 For tonight’s #RAW I’m actually going to try and believe that internet voting really counts! :} #WWE #BWF
We come back to RAW to see the Hart Dynasty in the ring. Matt Striker tells us that The Great Khali and Hornswoggle will be facing the Hart Dynasty.
Unified Tag Team Champions The Hart Dynasty vs The Great Khali and Hornswoggle
Not sure what happened, but it was a quick match.
Hart Dynasty wins.
The Usos attack, but Hart Dynasty finally managed to gain the upper hand and kick the Usos out of the ring. As Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are talking, Jerry starts looking around, and then says that they have a problem, and then walks off.
SMACKDOWN REPLAY: Kane found Taker in a vegitative state over Memorial Day weekened. I have no idea what happened here, because I wasn’t here. Either way, just sounds like what was on Smackdown. Up next, the cast of The A-Team arrives!!
<COMMERCIAL>
@Bruce412 Is King going to go get JR to save this damn show? #WWE #BWF
Justin Roberts introduces the cast of The A-Team, but only Bradley Cooper comes out. He says that he’s not sure where the others are, but The A-Team opens in theaters nationwide on Friday, and he says that he’s excited to host RAW tonight. The screen moves, and we see Jerry Lawler walking around backstage. People stop him, but he claims he’s looking for someone. The other two cast members from The A-Team show up and King says that someone stole his crown. Rampage says that he thinks he knows who has it, and they leave. However, the Bella Whores I MEAN TWINS start talking and talking, and I don’t know what they said, becuse I don’t like them!!
Next up, Santino comes up, and we’re told that the choices for this match are either an actual match, an arm-wrestling competition, or a dance-off. Three guesses what this one’s gonna be…
<COMMERCIAL>
Vladimir Kozlov comes out and gets in the ring, and then Matt Striker tells us that the fans voted on a dance-off. Surprise. Surprise.
Santino Marella vs Vladimir Kozlov in a Dace-Off
Santino starts first and it’s surprisingly not that bad. I mean, it’s not that great, but it’s not that bad. He does the running man, I believe, turned his Cobra move into a dance move, a Chippendale type thing, and then ended it with his Cobra again. Now, it’s Vlaidimir’s turn. The Moscow Mauler shows that he actually does have some kind of rthym, and manages to win. Oh, and Cole, it’s not vintage if he’s never done it before. Shut up.
Vladimir Kozlov wins dance-off
He does some weird ass belly roll thing and then dances with Santino, and leaves the ring. Whatever. Next up, you vote on the Diva’s action!! Either a six-on-six Diva Tag Match, a Diva Battle Royal, or a Champion vs Champion match!!
<COMMERCIAL>
All the Divas come out to the ring to Eve’s music, and Jerry’s in the ring. He says that you all voted, and the Diva’s match will be a Diva’s Battle Royal!
Divas Battle Royal
I hate trying to cover Battle Royals, because my ADD kicks in. Anyway, here’s the order of eliminations: Rosa Mendes, Tiffany, Kelly Kelly, Alicia Fox, Gail Kim, Nikki or Brie Bella, Brie or Nikki Bella, Layla, Michelle McCool, Eve Torres and Jillian Hall.
Winner: Maryse
Later on tonight, Edge takes on Randy Orton, with one arm tied behind his back.
Sheamus makes his way to the ring (I assume), and is stopped by Kane, who says that just because Sheamus is on RAW and not on Smackdown doesn’t mean that he’s off the hook. Sheamus took out Triple H to make a name for himself, and Kane says that Sheamus would do the same to The Undertaker. Sheamus says that he wouldn’t be shy about it, and he’d do it out in the open. Sheamus goes on to say that he doesn’t take kindly to false accusations, and Kane says he doesn’t take kindly to liars.
Next up, yu choose who Sheamus should face: Kane, Mark Henry, or Evan Bourne.
<COMMERCIAL>
@steveaustinweb Natalya couldn’t be in this one!? #RAW
@alisha225 SHEAMUS A. GETS A TAN B. GETS COLORED IN C. DISAPPEARS
@ThingsColeSays If Kane set Sheamus’ hair on fire, would anybody even notice?
We come back to Sheamus in the ring, and a flashback to last week. You know, where Evan Bourne teamed up with John Cena to actually be in a main event? That they won? AGAINST SHEAMUS AND EDGE?! That one. Matt Striker then says who the opponent is, and OMG MARK HENRY GOT RID OF THE KOOL-AID MAN GEAR!
Sheamus vs Kane
Holy condiment man, Batman!! Sheamus looked freaked out, which made me happy, because it was just like the old days! You know, when Kane didn’t lose every other match to guys like Dolph Ziggler. Anyway, the match begins, and Kane immediatly gets the upper hand and hurls Sheamus over the top rope. He follows Sheamus out of the ring, beating on his arm for a bit before thowing him back in the ring. Kane goes up to the top turnbuckle, but Sheamus knocks his leg out from under him, and hits him with some forearms. Sheamus then hits a running powerslam, though it looked more like a waddling powerslam to me, and goes for a cover. Kane kicks out at two, and Sheamus dominates going into the commercial.
<COMMERCIAL>
We come back to see Sheamus going for a cover, but Kane kicks out a two. So, Sheamus tries his luck at a submission, but Kane powers out and pushes Sheamus into the ropes, dropping a big boot on Sheamus’ head. The two exchange slaps for a minute before Kane gains the upper hand, Irish Whipping Sheamus, then clotheslining him. He hits a sidewalk slam, then his usual dropkick to the mouth, and goes for a cover. Sheamus kicks out at two. Kane goes to the top rope and hits a clothesline on Sheamus. Kane goes for a chokeslam, but Sheamus kicks Kane in the gut. Sheamus misses with an Axe Handle, and Kane goes for a chokeslam. Sheamus gets out and counters with a backbreaker on Kane. Sheamus then goes for his big boot, but Kane goes for a chokeslam, and simply shoves Sheamus out of the ring. Sheamus gets back in and goes for another boot to the face, but Kane counters with the chokeslam. Sheamus rolls out of the ring, and doesn’t get back in.
Kane wins via Count Out.
Later on, WWE Champion John Cena will fight World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger, Rey Mysterio, or CM Punk
<COMMERCIAL>
@Niki_Sushi gotta admit it. I love the photo-shopped sling on Randy.
Congratulations to Wade Barrett for winning NXT! The NXT ring announcer, Savannah, greets and congratulates Wade for his win. She asks what it’s like to win, and he tells her that asking him that is like asking a genius how it feels to pass a school exam. He says not to ask him that until after he makes history later.
Ted and Virgil are talking about Viewer’s Choice, and Ted says he should be running the show. Rampage and Murdoch (I know I’m mixing names here, but I don’t care) show up and say that they know that Ted has Jerry’s crown. Ted says he could buy whatever he wants, and the last thing he wants is Jerry’s crown. Murdoch says that he’s going to bring out the lie detector, and Ted says they don’t work. Rampage gets nose-to-nose with Virgil and says that it’s not that kind of lie detector. IRS shows up, wearing Jerry’s crown, and says that since Jerry never paid backtaxes on the jewels, it’s his. Ted then says that he knows who they are and that the crown was only bait. Smoke fills the room, and Murdoch passes out as Ted, Virgil, and IRS grab Rampage.
Next up, R-Truth and The Miz have a tag team match!! You vote on their tag team partners. For Truth, you can choose Christian, MVP, or John Morrison. For Miz, you can choose Dolph Ziggler, William Regal, or Zack Ryder.
<COMMERCIAL>
R-Truth comes out and says that the WWE Universe had the power tonight to pick his tag-team pertner, and he wants to know who it is. So, the poll comes up and it was John Morrison!! Next, The Miz comes out, saying that the WWE Universe obviously doesn’t know what they’re doing. They chose John Morrison, after they chose Khali and Hornswoggle to face the Hart Dynasty, and then chose Vladimir to do a dance-off, so Miz doesn’t care who his partner is. All that matters is that Miz wins tonight so that he can go about getting his United States Championship back.
United States Champion R-Truth and John Morrison vs The Miz and Zack Ryder
Miz and R-Truth start it out, and Miz gets the upperhand. Truth manages to avoid Miz, and hip tosses Miz. He then tags in Morrison. They Irish Whipped him at the same time, and hip tossed him together. Morrison grabs Miz and tags Truth back in, the two double slam, and then Truth goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Miz kicks Truth in the face and tags in Zack Ryder. Ryder hits Truth with a neck breaker, and then goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out at one. Ryder moves and tags Miz back in, and Miz kicks Truth in the gut. He punches Truth in the face, kicks him in the head, and then bounces off the rope to kick Truth in the face. He then covers Truth, only for Truth to kick out at two. Miz gets Truth in a headlock, and Truth tosses Miz behind him, and they’re both down. Truth goes to tag Morrison, and Miz grabs his ankle, only ending up in pulling off his shoe as Morrison is tagged in. Morrison hits Miz with a clothesline, then an Irish Whip into a flying chuck. Morrison then knocks Ryder off the apron, and hits Miz with a knee to the face. Morrison goes to cover Miz, but Ryder breaks it up. Truth comes in, smacking Ryder around, until Miz grabs Truth. Truth then slaps Miz, Ryder shoves Truth out of the ring, and Morrison kicks Ryder out. He then turns his attention to Miz, who moves so that Morrison’s shoulder meets the ring post. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale, goes for the cover and wins with a three count.
The Miz and Zack Ryder win.
Edge and Bret are talking backstage, and Edge says that it’s not fair. Bret says that, fair or not, it’s going to happen. Edge walks off, and Bret starts to walk away, only for Kane to come out and call Bret out. Kane says that if he finds out it was Bret, then he will be in a vegetative state, just like the Undertaker is.
<COMMERCIAL>
@jenrae73 My 50yr old alcoholic Aunt has the same shirt R-Truth is wearing 2nite. #Raw #WWE #BWF
Edge vs Randy Orton with Edge’s hand tied behind his back
Edge comes out, and there is a flashback to last week, when Randy RKO’d Edge in the ring, and Edge retaliated by slamming the door shut on Randy’s shoulder. Randy comes out afterward in a sling. The ref ties Edge’s arm behind his back, and then the match begins. Edge goes for a clothesline, but Randy ducks it. Edge goes for a kick, but Randy ducks and retaliates with a clothesline of his own, and proceeds to stop on Edge. Randy went for a left-handed RKO, but missed, and Edge knocked him down. Edge manages to get his arm free and goes at Randy’s shoulder before the ref pulls him away. Edge breaks away from the ref and does it again, before the ref calls for the bell.
Randy wins via DQ
Edge moves to the opposite corner and prepares for the spear. He goes for it, but Randy kicks at Edge and then kicks him right out of the ring. He then follows Edge, but Edge had a chair and hits Randy’s shoulder with it. When Randy goes down, Edge hits him again with it. As Edge walks backstage, Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole tries to figure out if Edge knocked Randy’s shoulder out of socket.
<COMMERCIAL>
We come back to Evan and John talking to each other about last week. Savannah comes up after Evan walks away and asks Cena how he feels about not knowing his opponent tonight. He says that he feels better about this match that he does about Fatal 4Way, since he has to face three different men. At least in this match, it’s just one. Besides, he feels that the decision is left up to the most able-bodied decision makers on the show: The WWE Universe.
The camera goes to the locker room where Murdoch was, and Mean Gene is talking to him, saying that he has a chance to surpass the previous A-Team, and he hopes that Murdoch will do a better job of it then Josh Matthews did of replacing him. Murdoch seems to get an idea and takes off.
Drew McIntyre makes his way to the ring, and Teddy Long comes on, saying that the choices for Drew’s opponent are Yoshi Tatsu, Goldust, or a Mystery Man!!
<COMMERCIAL>
Drew McIntyre vs Mystery Man… Matt Hardy!
Obviously not surprising, the Mystery Man is Matt Hardy. When Matt comes out, Drew grabs a mic and says that this match isn’t happening because Matt is suspended. Teddy comes out and says that, unfortunately for Drew, Matt’s only suspended from Smackdown, not from RAW, so the match is taking place. Drew starts to say something, but before he can say anything else, Matt smacks him and then tackles Drew. Matt hits a clothesline and throws Drew out of the ring, bouncing his head off the announce table, and then throwing him right into Michael Cole. Matt then hurls him into the barricade, a ring post, then headbutts him before getting Drew back in the ring. Drew manages to retaliate with a kick, but they’re both down. Drew runs at Matt, and Matt moves, sending Drew right into the pole. Matt hits the Twist of Fate for the win.
Matt Hardy wins
Matt continues to assault Drew after the match, throwing the ref away when he tries to stop Matt. Matt ends up yanking out a pretty nice sized chunk of Drew’s hair.
The camera shows Rampage chained to a chair and he asks Ted what he wants with him. Ted says that it’s not important right now. Right now, they’re going to the ring.
<COMMERCIAL>
Ted, Virgil, and IRS handcuff Rampage to the ring ropes, and hold him back. Ted says that he’s doing this because everyone has a price, even him. Someone said they wanted Ramapge delivered to them on a silver patter, and Ted said to name their price. So, it was paid, and now Rampage was all theirs. The person that comes out to claim Rampage would be none other than Rowdy Roddy Piper. Piper says that at Wrestlemania I, he shut everyone up who kept saying that The A-Team was te hottest show on television, and he silenced the old Mr. T. Now, he says he has to silence another “Mr. T”, and he’s not going to see The A-Team. Piper pities the fool who mess with Hot Rod.
However, Dusty Rhodes, Mean Gene, and Murdoch make their way to the ring. Rampage shoves IRS and Virgil away, and pulls his hand free from the handcuff. IRS goes for a clothesline on Rhodes, and Rhodes dodges, elbowing him in the head instead. Virgil and Piper just stand there, looking at Rampage and Rhodes. Rampage slams Virgil, and Piper leaves the ring. Gene asks how they did it, and Murdoch says he remembered where he was and that he needed to call Dusty for help.
Voting is open, so you can now choose whether WWE Champion John Cena faces World Heavyweight Champion Jack Swagger, Rey Mysterio, or CM Punk.
<COMMERCIAL>
Next week’s guest host is USA Network’s Original Series Royal Pains Star, Mark Feuerstien, and I’m pretty sure I heard that Big Show is going to be hosting with him! Josh Matthews shows up with Rey Mysterio, Jack Swagger, and the Straight Edge Society, and asks them all why they should be competing against Cena tonight. Rey says that in order to get to the top, you have to go after whoever is on top. Swagger bascially just says that it’ll be Champion vs Champion, and Punk says that he can make Cena a better person.
Brrrrrr LEATHER SHOES!!!
Cena makes his way out to the ring, and Matt Striker lets us know who the pick was for Cena’s opponent tonight.
WWE Champion John Cena vs CM Punk with Straight Edge Society
As soon as the bell rings, Cena goes for the mask, and Punk rolls right out of the ring. It looks to me like CM Punk met up with the Bellas backstage and totally jacked their ring gear. Anyway, Punk gets the upperhand when he gets back in and puts Cena in a headlock. Cena counters with a shoulder block and flips Punk, putting him in a headlock. Punk reverses, then Cena counters, and goes for the mask again. Punk rolls out. When he gets back in, he goes for a lockup, but knees Cena in the gut, followed by his shoulder. He flips Cena, drops a dropkick to the back of Cena’s head, and goes for a cover. Cena kicks out at two. Punk gets Cena in a submission hold, but Cena powers out and goes for the STF, but Punk grabs the ropes. Punk misses a clothesline, and Cena Irish Whips him across the ring, hitting a bulldog. He goes for another move, but Luke Gallows grabs his ankles, sending him to the mat, rolling around.
<COMMERCIAL>
@TKeep123 CM Punk is looking like an Amish Luchador! #WWE #RAW #BWF
We return to Punk holding Cena in a headlock. Cena counters to a fireman’s carry, but Punk counters it. Punk goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Cena ends up outside the ring, and Serena kicks Cena. Cena is then kicked by Punk and put back in the ring. Cena starts to fight back, then goes to Irish Whip Punk, just for Punk to reverse it. Cena ducks a clothesline, then hits Punk with two shoulder tackles, and a takedown. Cena pauses as he sees Wade Barrett begin making his way down the ramp. Cena ignores him for a minute, and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and lifts Punk up to a fireman’s carry. But, he drops Punk and tells Barrett to make his move.
Okay, here is about where I got too confused to keep up with the show, unfortunately.
The Season One NXT Rookies appeared from frigging nowhere and started to tear everything apart. They took apart the ring, the barricades, announce table, beat the hell out of Cena, stripped Justin Roberts, choked him with his own tie, beat the hell out of Jerry Lawler… I don’t know what happened, to be honest. I think they were spending too much time alone with Sheamus in a room with nothing but black lights and all that fluorescent finally got to their heads…
Anyway, I don’t know what that was all about, and hopefully the WWE will explain it next week! And with that, I’ll see you next week!
