To think, this is where it all started, just over five years ago, as I demanded to know where my cut of Vince McMahon’s money was. Yes, the first real article was about an episode of RAW where you could “Win Vince McMahon’s Money.” Remember that? Seemed like longer ago that all that happened, but it seems like yesterday that I launched this site. Here I am five years later, and we’re talking about RAW and Vince McMahon again. Let’s go!
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, avoid spoilers like (and from) the plague, and then watch the entire show when I get here. That’s how ThinkSoJoE’s RAW reviews work. Also, I play by my own rules. Screw you, SmackDown review!
Ok. It’s 2AM. I just had to reset my laptop to my last backup image, which was back in March, which means I just lost a shit-ton of stuff. So, keep regular backups, kids. Fear not, because I’m still here to review RAW. I will warn you that there will be a LOT of fast forwarding through this episode. Since I won’t have a lot of time to read it on BWF Radio this Sunday, since it’s BWF’s 5th birthday and we’re hoping to have some great guests, I don’t really care if this is detailed or not. Let’s go!
I watch 30 minutes of RAW, leave for work, avoid spoilers like (and from) the plague, and then watch the entire show when I get here. That’s how ThinkSoJoE’s RAW reviews work. Also, I play by my own rules. Screw you, SmackDown review!
Tonight! I will once again attempt to cover tonight’s WWE RAW broadcast in real time for you, the BWF faithful.
This is the last RAW before Wrestle-Mania this weekend, and WWE’s last chance to sell us on the Big Show. (Not the one in the six-man, although technically…) No, I mean the ENTIRE EVENT! Will they convince us to shell out $60-70 bucks in our respective areas this year?
Personally, I doubt it.
From WWE.com; “The Undertaker, Brock Lesnar, WWE Champion The Rock, John Cena, Triple H and CM Punk will all be at tonight’s Raw in Washington. What will unfold with Wrestle-Mania just days away?”
We’re getting a rundown of what to expect at Mania and what to look forward to tonight. Shawn Michaels will be here tonight for Triple H. John Cena responds to the Rock’s shot last week. Punk, Taker, Lesnar and… more stuff.
Cena’s out first and this is NOT a Cena crowd, here in DC. Jerry Lawler doesn’t even bother selling it as a “mixed” reaction. Lawler has Michael Cole and JBL with him at ringside.
“I stand in the middle of a house divided.” – John Cena
Rytman Remark: No you don’t John. They hate you.
John refers to everyone here tonight as “Cena-crats” and “Rock-publicans.” He gives Rock credit for conquering everything in his path and even goes so far as to call him the greatest WWE champion of all time. He talks about the pain of his loss last year and how the Rock will lose his custom-made WWE title in his first defense (of that specific belt.) He will happily keep the new belt just so the Rock will have to live with knowing every time someone brings up WWE, he’ll have to live with knowing someone else is defending that belt every night.
Cole asks us who we think will win Rock/Cena 2 and invites us all to “Tout” about it on line. He talks Jerry into posting a “Tout” about who he thinks will win Rock/Cena 2. Lawler goes with history and chooses Rock.
3MB is in the ring as Randy Orton, Sheamus, and the Big Show make their entrances. We get a look at last week’s Smackdown where they were able to fight off an attack by the Shield.
RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS/BIG SHOW VS. 3MB (HEATH SLATER/JINDER MAHAL/DREW MCINTYRE)
Match starts with the faces bouncing around Slater. McIntyre tags in and takes over with a missile drop-kick. Sheamus gets triple-teamed for a few moments but the match ends just the way you expected. RKO, Brogue-Kick, and Big K.O. on Mahal for the three-count.
After the match, the Shield comes out, cutting a promo from the crowd. The Shield congratulates our three heroes on their huge win, and convincing themselves they’re a team. But the Shield knows the truth; they are phonies and at Mania, everyone will believe in the Shield.
We come back to the announcement of Zeb Coulter getting in the ring tonight against World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio. We go to Zeb Coulter and Jack Swagger cutting a promo in front of our Nation’s Capital. Our country is broken because we all are weak. If we don’t like Swagger as World Heavyweight Champion, then we don’t deserve to be Americans.
Current WHC Alberto Del Rio responds in an interview segment. One of the great things about America is freedom of speech, and if Del Rio doesn’t like what Zeb says, he can do something about it. He will tonight, in the ring.
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN (W/KANE) VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER (W/AJ & BIG E.)
This is a fast-paced back/forth with Ziggler on the defensive. AJ skips around Kane, setting him up for a charge from Big E. Bryan takes the E down with a flying kick to the head and Ziggler gets the three-count on Bryan w/a handfull of tights. Big E. nails Bryan and Kane tries to make the save. Big E. powers out of the choke-slam and lays out Kane with his drop across the shoulder.
Back from break, we get a look back at last August when Brock Lesnar took out Shawn Michaels.
Mr. Wrestle-Mania, HOFamer, and the Heart-Break Kid, SHAWN MICHAELS is here. He hits the ring as we get a look back at the Lesnar/Triple H feud of last year, with Lesnar breaking Trip’s arm in April, and winning their match at Summer-Slam.
“You didn’t think we’d have Wrestle-Mania without MR. Wrestle-Mania did you?” – Shawn Michaels
Shawn is out here to talk about Mania. He runs down the card, bringing our attention to one particular match, because he and his arm are part of the history in that match. Triple H comes out to reassure Shawn he knows what he’s doing, and he understands that Shawn was in the same spot Trips was in when Shawn retired. Shawn says their perdicaments couldn’t be more different. When Shawn lost his career-match, his opponent was just as heartbroken as him, because they had respect for each other. Brock Lesnar respects nothing. Triple H asks Shawn if he’s trying to talk him out of it. Shawn tells him he’d better kick Lesnar’s ass. Shawn will be in Triple H’s corner to make sure he does. They get ready to give the crowd the “suck it,” chant, when Lesnar comes out w/Heyman. Heyman lays it on the line. Triple H had better get used to dissapointment. At Mania, he will disapoint the fans, his best friend, his father-in-law, the board of directors and his wife…
“…But she’s probably used to that.” – Paul Heyman
Shawn and Hunter make the mistake of fighting from emotion, and that’s why Shawn had to retire, and that’s why Triple H will lose at Mania.
WWE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION WADE BARRETT VS. ZACK RYDER
Miz joins the announce team at ringside. Ryder starts off strong, but Barrett takes control and beats him down. On the outside, Barrett jaw-jacks w/Miz, giving Ryder an opening. Ryder hits the “brosky-boot” for two, but Barrett takes over and ends this with the Bell-Hammer Elbow.
Rytman Remark: Announce team spent the whole match trying to hard sell Miz as a threat to Barrett. Came off pretty desperate. Maybe Barrett might retain.
Backstage: RAW Managing Supervisor Vicki Gurerro and her assistant Brad Maddox are talking when Santino Morella walks in, telling them Vince McMahon is here tonight and he’s P-O’d about them. “Bricki” get freaked, until Santino reveals it was just an “April Fools” joke. Vicki orders Santino into the ring, as Maddox says we’ll see who the fool is.
SANTINO MORELLA VS. MARK HENRY AND DO I EVEN HAVE TO BOTHER TYPING ANYTHING?
We get a look at last week’s Smackdown when Henry attacked Ryback during their weight-lifting challenge. Cole tells us this did not violate their “no-contact” clause because Henry never touched Ryback, he just tried to shove a set of weights into his throat.
Rytman Remark: Are you fucking kidding me?
Mark grabs Santino. Santino threatens to bring out the Cobr-World’s Strongest Slam, three-count.
“FEED ME MORE!”
Ryback is out and in the ring. Henry reminds him of the no-contact clause, and walks off with a smile. Ryback responds by picking up Santino AND RAMMING HIM INTO HENRY. He checks if Santino is okay, THEN HOISTS HIM UP AND GORILLA PRESS-SLAMS HIM ON TO HENRY. BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT THE “GOOD GUY” DOES!
We go to break with Jack Swagger giving Zeb a pep-talk before his match with Del Rio
We come back to Matt Striker asking C.M. Punk if he’s disrespecting Paul Bearer’s memory…
“A better question is DO I GIVE A DAMN?” – C.M. Punk
Rytman Remark: I’ve been asking myself the same question.
Punk actually shocks me for a second with a remark about Paul Bearer’s streak of waking up every morning, which has been broken. He warns Taker that if he loses his temper, Punk will win by DQ. If he takes his eyes off the prise, he just might get choked out. If he loses focus, he just might be down one second too long. Punk makes it clear all he wants is to win, and he will spit in faces and walk on graves to do it, so that whenever anyone thinks of Wrestle-Mania, the grandest stage of all, they will think of C.M. Punk.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO VS. ZEB COULTER
Before the break, we saw Swagger breaking the ankle of Ricardo Rodriguez, making this personal. Ricardo intros ADR and Del Rio sends him to the back to be safe. Just as the match is starting, Ricardo comes back out, refusing to leave. Zeb hangs back, close to the ropes as Swagger stalks Ricardo. Ricardo raises a crutch, but Zeb swipes it. Swagger goes after the bad ankle, Del Rio kicks him down and saves Ricardo. Zeb wails on Del Rio with the Crutch when Del Rio rolls back in. Ref calls for the DQ as Swagger and Zeb beat down ADR with Ricardo’s crutches. Ricardo tries to get involved but Swagger swats him down.
Back from break, IF YOU SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL……
The Rock is out to make his big speech to the DC crowd. Rock’s new movie, G.I. JOE: RETALLIATION is no.1 in the wold this week. We’re reminded to “Tout” our opinions on who will win at Mania.
Rock’s connection with the people is the only reason he’s standing in the middle of the ring right now. This Sunday isn’t about redemption, it’s about the will of the people, specifically the will of the people to see John Cena get curb-stomped. The will of the people can change the world, and maybe if the people will it, the Rock would have to live in this town, in the big white house up the road, and maybe…
“We go from President Barack to President Rock!” – The Rock
Rytman Remark: If that happens, I’m surrendering to China.
The Rock makes it very clear that the only way Cena will get the Rock’s title, is if the Rock rolls it up into a ball, lights it on fire, and shoves it up Cena’s candy ass.
Back from break, we get another look at Fandango attacking Jericho last week.
BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!
U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO VS. CHRIS JERICHO
Seriously, you can tell they’re just going throught the motions until Fandango comes out. It’s a basic back and forth with Jericho taking over with a hurra-con-rana off the top rope. Cue Fandango and partner comming out. The match comes to a dead stop as we go to break.
Apparently, during the break, Fandango actually gave Jericho a “two” with a score-card. Cesaro takes conrtol and spends a lot of time working the neck. Cesaro dominates Jericho with brute force, but Jericho’s agility turns the tide. Fandango walks to the ring, giving Jericho a “three.” Cesaro counters Jericho into the gut wrench, but Jericho comes back with high flying offense and takes out Fandango with a flying kick. Jericho wins this with the “Walls Of Jericho” but Fandango attacks from behind. He finishes Jericho off with the flying leg drop and gives us all the proper pronounciation of his name.
“FAHN-DAHN-GOH!” – Fandango
Jericho is left laying as Fandango and partner dance off.
Up next is OUR MAIN EVENT…
A promo…
From THE UNDERTAKER!
We come back to Touts.
Rytman Remark: That’s pretty much all I have to say about it.
The Funkadactyls are out w/Brodus and “Sweet T” for a Divas tag team match. They do the entrance and go to break.
Rytman Remark: You couldn’t just finish the commercials then start the match?
THE FUNKADACTYLS (w/BRODUS/TENSAI) VS. THE BELLA TWINS SISTERS (w/TEAM RHODES SCHOLLARS)
And yes, we will get an eight-person mixed tag at Mania, Brodus, Sweet T, and the Funkadactyls vs. Team Rhodes Schollars and the Bellas.
Naomi is the star of this match, carrying the workrate and spending most of it getting double-teamed. The match is not as bad as it should be, but the Bellas are showing the ring rust. The match consists of botched-spots and really should’ve been booked quicker. Cameron tags in and comes off as the most capable of the girls. The Bellas take it with a reversed roll-up as we go to break.
The Undertaker is out. Punk’s WWE title reign lasted over 400 days, but the pain he’s facing will last for eternity. Taker realizes the streak may come to an end, but Punk won’t live to talk about it. Suddenly, a group of torch-bearing, chanting druids enter. Taker looks on in confusion.
OH YES!!!
PAUL HEYMAN STANDS ON TOP OF THE STAGE DRESSED AS PAUL BEARER!
An enraged Undertaker goes after Heyman, then stops, realizing he’s been lead into a trap. Taker unloads on the druids, but gets taken down from behind by the one he was looking for, C.M. Punk. Punk beats down the Taker. Taker reaches for the urn, but Punk has it, and uses it to beat the deadman down.
Punk stands over the Taker, holding the urn. He opens the urn… and pours the ashes inside all over the Taker. He lets them spill through his fingers and throws them in Takers face. RAW ends with C.M. Punk mocking the Undertakers classic pose, as the Taker lies beaten on the ramp.
Rytman Remarks: Wow, I mean wow. I was going to say this RAW was another auto-pilot show coasting into Mania until the end.
Now look, I know those weren’t Paul Bearer’s actual ashes. I know it was part of the act. It’s just… I think it was too much. It just took me somewhere really uncomfortable.
To be fair, they HAD to do something to get this show some momentum, but still, it just seems desperate.
From WWE.com – Triple H has thrown a WrestleMania challenge at the feet of Brock Lesnar, but will The Anomaly accept a rematch with The King of Kings at MetLife Stadium? Also, what awaits CM Punk now that his own bout with The Undertaker is set?
TONIGHT! I! ROBERT! RYTMAN! WILL! – Okay I’m sorry. Tonight I will attempt to bring you a real-time(ish) report on tonight’s Monday Night RAW. I got Triple H and Lesnar, I got Punk on Taker, and I got an upset stomach.
Here we go!
We’re opening with a tribute video to Paul Bearer, featuring a montage of his moments with Taker and a cavalcade of co-stars.
And here comes the Undertaker.
Side Note; I will be following WWE on Twitter to keep up with anything I miss, and most likely will be quoting directly from their Twitter feed.
Taker is in the ring with a small silver urn on a stand. He does the pose as William Moody’s memorial pic comes up on the tron AND C.M. PUNK JUST INTERUPTED IT!
Punk is out smiling in a gray hoodie, with a mike.
Punk is out here to pay his respects to the Undertaker, and apollogize to Taker… for his loss at Wrestlemania. The one silver lining in all this is, to Paul Bearer, the Taker will always be perfect, but next week won’t be any heart-felt tributes to Paul Bearer. Next week will be a tribute to Punk breaking the streak.
Next up, Big Show v.s. Rollins.
During the break, Kane – upset with Punk’s disrespectful interuption, attempted to choke-slam him off the stage. Punk escapes and Kane rampages backstage, taking out anyone in his way.
Big Show is in the ring, and we’re recaping Show taking a Shield-Bomb from last week.
Seth Rollins makes his way to the ring through the crowd, with the Shield in tow.
At first, Show tosses his enimes around like toys, but he’s overwhelmed by the numbers. The Shield attacks getting Show the DQ. Show fights back but the Shield leaves the Big Show lying in the ring after the triple-power bomb.
WINNER BY DQ: BIG SHOW
Backstage, C.M. Punk complains to Vicki (and Brad, her assistant,) demanding she “put a leash” on Kane’s little brother. Vicki responds by booking him in a No DQ match with Kane.
“May God have mercy on your soul.” – Vicki Gurero.
Daniel Bryan is out next for his match with Dolph Ziggler. We get a recap of last Friday when AJ Lee tried to give Bryan grief about losing the World Championship in 18 seconds.
“With Dolph Ziggler, you should be used to things lasting 18 seconds.” – Daniel Bryan
Back from break, we get a “Remembering Paul Bearer Segment,” featuring his first appearence on WWE tv, on the “Brother Love Show,” with the Undertaker. 02/16/1991
WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPION DANIEL BRYAN VS DOLPH ZIGGLER (W/AJ LEE & BIG E.)
As the match gets underway, Cole and Lawler at ringside, mention Bryan’s “Beard Battle” on Twitter w/@joshreddick16. Bryan is in control as Lawler compares AJ to the Wicked Witch of The West from “The Wizard of Oz,” refrencing her taking a bucket of water to the face on Smackdown last Friday. Bryan has Ziggler on the floor but Big E. steps in front of a dive attempt by Bryan as we go to break…
@WWE – Send us your tribute to the late Paul Bearer via @TOUT with the tag #PaulBearer, and we’ll use the best on-air tonight during #RAW!
We come back with Ziggler in control but not for long. Bryan is dominating Ziggler with his speed, agility, and kicks. Bryan tries a belly-to-back off the top rope, but Ziggler twists in mid-air and gets a two-count, landing on top of Bryan. Ziggler hits a hot-shot and the “fame-asser,” for two. Bryan gets in the no-lock but AJ distracts the Ref while Big E. pulls Ziggler into the ropes. Bryan has to break. After an exchange of missed shots and counter-holds, Ziggler gets the three-count with the Zig-Zag.
WINNER: DOLPH ZIGGLER
Rytman Remark: Nice to see AJ/Big E. finally figured out how the whole “distract the ref thing” works.
@BigELangston – Never trust a man with two first names…or miss an opportunity to leave him laying. @WWEDanielBryan#RAW
Ziggler gets a kiss from AJ and Big E. gets to batter Bryan with a Big E. beat-down.
@JustinRoberts – I was always a fan of Paul Bearer & everything He did @ ringside-later on,outside the ring.Thank U Friend #PaulBearer
We get a recap of the Triple H/Brock Lesnar feud going over everything leading up to Triple H’s challenge last week. Lesnar will be here tonight to answer the challenge.
WWE Slam Of The Week – Honky Tonk Man’s guitar shot on Heath Slater last week.
Brodus Clay and “Sweet T” (Tensai) are out with the Funkadactyls. Ring announcer Justin Roberts introduces Fandango, but he no-shows. Tensai grabs the mike and demands Fandango get out here.
A sexy ballroom dancer comes out, followed by AND I AM NOT DOING THE STUPID PRONOUNCIATION BIT Fandango. He calls Tensai an “abomination” and an embarrassment to everyone, even here in the Midwest, where we no nothing about the arts. He demands his name be spoken by the “sensual lips,” of Funkadactyl Naomi, saying she’s the only one with any rhythm, and she’s “better than this.” Tensai steps in and Fandango says thanks to him, we don’t get to see his debut.
Rytman Remark: So, we care about Naomi now?
Side Note: Was Naomi the one girl on the all-Diva edition of NXT that seemed to know what she was doing?
We get a trailer for the new G.I. Joe movie staring the Rock and go to break, with THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS going up against Team Rhodes Scholars after the break.
Remembering Paul Bearer – Wrestlemania XX – 2004, Paul Bearer leads Undertaker to the ring.
In the ring, we have Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes doing a parody of the NAO’s entrance in Sandow’s own signature style,
“The folowing interpritation, is brought to you by taste and good form…” – Damien Sandow
“Derh-nuh-nuh-nuh…” – Cody Rhodes
“Oh, you were not aware of this?” – Damien Sandow
“Derh-nuh-nuh-nuh…” – Cody Rhodes
“Your posterior better contact someone at once!” – Damien Sandow
“Ladies and Getlemen, young people of all genders and ages, taste and decency proudly present to you, the re-united future tag team champions and best friends, the essence of mustachioed magnificence, the intellectual savior of the masses, TEAM RHODES SCHOLLARS!” – Cody Rhodes
“And if your not… down with that, we’ve got two words for you…” – Damien Sandow
“YOU’RE WELCOME!” – Team Rhodes Scholars
The NAO come out, plaining to show them how it’s done…
“Lord have mercy, this one’s for you Percy.” – Road Dogg Jessie James
“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, De-Generation – X, proudly presents to you, the five time WWE…TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLD! THE ROAD DOGG JESSIE JAMES! THE BADASS BILLY GUN! THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS!” – Road Dogg Jessie James
“And if you’re not down with that, well we just got two words for ya!” – Badass Billy Gun
“SUCK IT!” – The New Age Outlaws and WWE universe.
TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS VS THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS
And just as I typed that – HERE COMES THE PAIN!
Brock Lesnar is out and F-5’s both NAO’s.
NO CONTEST
Heyman has the mike.
“Brock Lesnar doesn’t play games, he hurts people.” – Paul Heyman
Heyman runs down the list of people important to Triple H that Lesnar has hurt, including Shawn Michales, Vince McMahon, and now the NAO. Lesnar will face Triple H at Mania – IF he agrees to let Brock/Heyman name the stipulations AFTER he blindly signs the contract.
“And if you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya, BRRRRRROCK LESNAR!”
We’re reminded of Punk vs Kane later tonight as we go to break.
KOFI KINGSTON VS MARK HENRY
Almost a complete job by Kingston. Henry boots Kofi out of the ring with a kick. Kofi Komes back by side-steping Henry into the post and hits the Superman punch off the steel steps. Kofi gets HUGE AIR with a body-press attempt, but get caught in the World’s Strongest Slam for the three.
WINNER: MARK HENRY
Backstage – Cody is flirting with Divas Champ Kaitlyn, when Sandow interupts, followed by THE BELLA TWINS! Apparently they’re back and Sandow has a double date set-up with them for himself and Cody. Kaitlyn bails while a Bella grabs Cody’s ATTENTION (you pervs.) Vicki walks in and tells them the date has to wait. Since their scheduled match was scratched, they’re getting a new one, against Sheamus and Randy Orton.
“You’re welcome.” – Vicki Gurerro
Ryback hits the ring as we go to break.
Rytman Remark: Do I have to blow somebody to get Page on the main roster? And the Bellas? Nice to have boyfriends in good graces with HR.
RYBACK VS HEATH SLATER
Henry comes to ringside to glare as –
WINNER: RYBACK
Rytman Remark: Seriously? Do you need anymore than that?
Drew McIntyre jumps Ryback and takes the Shell-shock as Henry storms the ring. McIntyre becomes the prop in a one-up contest as Henry/Ryback take turns bouncing him around. Henry leaves with no more than some words being exchanged.
Later tonight, Rhodes Scholars vs Orton/Sheamus, Punk vs Kane, and Alberto Del Rio vs Antonio Cesaro next!
We come back to a preview of “THE CALL,” a new WWE films release staring Halle Berry and WWE superstar David Otunga.
Cesaro is in the ring, and Ricardo is out to intro ADR.
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ALBERTO DEL RIO W/RICARDO VS. WWE U.S. CHAMPION ANTONIO CESARO
As Del Rio walks to the ring, we get a PIP promo from the World’s Champ.
“I was born in Mexico, but I was made in America.” – Alberto Del Rio
Cesaro is on the defensive until he yanks Del Rio off the ropes by the ankles. Cesaro beats ADR down but misses a charge into the corner, and Del Rio hits a flurry of offense including a tilt-a-whirl back-breaker and a Back-Stabber with Cesaro hung on the middle rope. Cesaro takes over, meeting ADR in mid air with the European Upper-cut, but Alberto gets the submission by countering a German suplex into the cross-arm-breaker.
WINNER: ALBERTO DEL RIO
Backstage, Kane is being interviewed about how tough things have been for him. Kane says nothing. He holds up the urn from Taker’s tribute, and walks off.
“SAY SOMETHING!” – A**Hole in the crowd.
Rytman Remarks: I know Kane is not Paul Bearer’s son. I know that’s an angle. I STILL SAY THE JERK IN THE CROWD WAS BEING A DICK!
We’ll get a preview of ROCK/CENA at Wrestlemania next.
Remembering Paul Bearer – 1997, Bearer introduces Kane to the WWE.
Video Package tracing the Rock vs Cena timeline going back to last year’s Wrestlemania, highlighting Cena’s and Rock’s wins at the Royal Rumble.
Orton makes his entrance as we go to break.
We come back with a recap of Lesnar attacking the NAO, setting up the tag match w/Orton and Sheamus for team Rhodes Scholars.
RANDY ORTON/SHEAMUS VS TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS
The Rhodes Scholars are in the ring and Sheamus makes his entrance. Sheamus starts out strong until Sandow pulls the top rope down, letting Sheamus spill out. Sandow and Rohdes double team Sheamus until Orton tags in and takes over. Sandow saves Rhodes from a mid-rope DDT. Orton clocks Sandow, Rhodes sends Randy into the post, and Cody takes over. Orton turns the tide with a superplex and Sheamus makes the hot tag. Rhodes takes an RKO, Sandow takes the Brouge Kick, and the “Celtic Vipers,” (as named by a fan on Twitter,) get the three-count.
WINNERS: ORTON/SHEAMUS
When we come back, Miz and Wade Barrett on “The Highlight Reel” with Chris Jericho.
During the break, Sheamus and Orton get beaten down by the Shield. Orton takes a flying knee and Sheamus takes the spear.
We get some fans on “Tout,” sharing memories of Paul Bearer.
Jericho is out for the Highlight Reel, in the sparkly jacket.
“Is this jacket working? They’re very tempremental.” – Jericho
Apparently, there was something wrong with the “Jeri-tron.”
“Did you see my magic trick? I made my Jeri-tron dissapear.” Jericho
Miz is the first guest out. Miz says it’s great to be a guest for a change. Jericho mentions his lack of furniture. Jericho plays up Miz’s success with “Marine 3,” showing a clip, when Intercontinental Champion Wade Barrett comes out, with a clip of “Dead Man Down,” his feature film with Colin Firth. Barrett says THAT is a feature film. Miz does an imperssion of Barrett. Barrett insults Miz’s acting range. Miz mentions Barrett not winning match in weeks. We get into the “really” bit until Jericho chimes in with his own take.
“Ruh-hehehehehehehehe-ly.” – Jericho
“How bad is this?” – Michael Cole
Barrett threatens to drop Jericho, Jericho takes off the sparkly jacket and reminds Barrett that he help him make it through NXT and has held the Intercontinental championship a record nine-times, and threatens to make it ten. Brad Maddox comes out on behalf of the Super Hero Management team of “Briki,” (him/Vicki,) and orders Barrett to defend his title next week against the winner of a match between Jericho and Miz. Brad then asks that someone come out to clear the ring, that didn’t have anything in it.
“This could be the worst segment in RAW history.” Michael Cole.
Rytman Remarks: BURYING THE BIT DOESN’T HELP YOU JACKASS! Seriously, Cole bitches over Maddox’s lines so much you almost miss the announcement. Side Note: Is Maddox being a space cadet supposed to be a rib on someone specificly? Cause it’s a looooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng list of candidates.
JERICHO VS MIZ
We come back from break to the match. It’s kind of a rushed back and forth, that ends with Jericho side stepping Miz into Barrett, who joined the announce table. Barrett goes after both men, and gets his butt-kicked. This ends with Barrett taking the Skull-Crushing-Finale and the Code Breaker.
NO CONTEST
From there, we go to Ricardo and ADR doing a parody of Jeb Coulter and Jack Swagger’s YouTube videos. Backstage, Swagger is pissed.
Remembering Paul Bearer- 1995 – We get a bit with Paul Bearer and Mr. Fuji being grilled by one of the detectives from “NYPD Blue,” while wearing a dress. Taker’s music hits, the lights go out, and Fuji’s in the dress when they come back on.
Jack Swagger is out with Jeb Coulter. Coulter has the mike and is not in a good mood. Sin Cara is in the ring. Coulter turns his attention to Sin Cara. He accuses the WWE universe of being “programmed” to like Sin Cara and calls Cara a “Mexican jumping bean” and a “thief,” saying there’s little Sin Cara’s sneaking into our country 365 days a year. He blames us for letting it happen and says he and Swagger will speak for us if we’re too afraid too.
JACK SWAGGER VS SIN CARA
Quick match that Sin Cara actually dominates w/his fast-paced high-flying style, until he dives into a boot by Swagger. Swagger works the leg and ankle of the luchador legend and gets the win with the “Patriot Act” submission.
WINNER: JACK SWAGGER
We go to a promo for “The Call.” Halle Berry is doing press when David Otunga interrupts her with a phone call, warning her that a co-worker of his got her number after threatening him. Her next call is from KANE! He goes derpy fan-boy on her until she hangs up on him. From the interview, Halle sets off Kane’s pyro with her frustration.
“Does that mean we aren’t going on that picnic?” – Kane
We come back from break to a rewind of Kane going after Punk for interrupting Taker’s tribute.
Punk is out, followed by Kane, as we’re told Ryback will face Mark Henry on Smackdown this Friday.
C.M. PUNK VS KANE
Kane carries the Urn that was part of the act for so long. Punk scores a charging drop-kick to the outside, and goes after Kane with stomps and kicks and-
Well hello Blond in front row, black t-shirt.
MATCH! RIGHT! It’s a brawl on the outside. They hit each other with whatever they can grab. Kane throws Punk back in the ring. Punk fights off a super-plex attempt and hits and elbow off the top rope. Kane comes back and hurls Punk over the ropes.
We go to break.
We come back to the chaos. Punk slips out of Kane’s grasp and scores a hit. Kane reverses a whip and sends Punk into a chair wedged into the corner. Kane unloads on Punk with high-impact moves, and proceeds to tear the place apart, peppering the ring with chairs. Punk reverses a choke-slam attempt into a DDT on a chair and takes over. The match goes back/forth until the Taker’s bell tolls. A distracted Punk takes a choke-slam and Kane gets the three-count!
WINNER: KANE
After the match, Punk nails Kane from behind with the urn. Taker comes to the ring and runs Punk off.
Up on the stage, Punk has the urn and mocks the Takers classic pose.
Punk has the urn, Taker has a vendetta, and RAW comes to an end.
ThinkSoJoE, JT, G, and Jorge return for another episode of BoredWrestlingFan Radio! Joe loses his mind, causing BWF’s RYTMAN to question his sanity in the comments of the live broadcast. Did Triple H really piss himself on RAW? Was John Cena vs. CM Punk really worthy of being shown on EVERY WWE SHOW this week? Was TNA worth watching? What was so “social” about SmackDown? In the news, we find out the whereabouts of Ted DiBiase Jr. We discuss possible Old School RAW participants. Darren Young injured? Ain’t nobody got time for that! Why is Donald Trump “Hulk Hogan creepy?” What could be a better name for a wrestling themed pizzeria than “Squared Circle?” What in the blue hell is the Harlem Shake, and will Joe be doing it at WrestleMania? All this and more on this week’s edition of BWF Radio!
We break stuff and complain because The Rock beat CM Punk at the Royal Rumble. That’s worse than having your eye shot out, apparently. Jorge’s herpes flare up. The crew is joined by Brian Muller once again, and in a shocking twist ending, Jorge joins twitter. We talk Royal Rumble, RAW, SmackDown, Main Event, ROH, and IMPACT. We talk about the news, including Sunny’s recent SIXTH arrest, Bret Hart’s interview where he gives Triple H’s last ‘Mania match a “4 out of 10,” and of course, the man whose stolen all our hearts, James Dotterer, including a great Joe rant about how CM Punk is the real People’s Champion. Tune in!
Once again we’re back! ThinkSoJoE, JT, G of the Internet, and returning to BWF Radio, our special guest Wrasslor Monkey discuss this week in professional wrestling! Did Triple H retire on RAW? Did the Gut Check Challenge competitor get his contract on IMPACT? Did Damien Sandow avoid a physical confrontation with Sheamus? (Answer: No.) Who is this man in the picture on the right side of this article (It’s a woman that Ken Shamrock beat up)? What does Mark Out Man do outside of going to WWE shows? Why did Kofi Kingston want to be called “Joey?” The Cameron’s job death watch is on! Who will be a part of the new unauthorized ECW DVD? All this stuff and much more here on Bored Wrestling Fan Radio Episode 38! (You can find our guest co-host, Wrasslor Monkey, at Wrestling With Text).
Also, please stick around after the actual BWF Radio podcast and listen as Professor Salmon and Zwan bring us the Slam Jam!
Mark Out Man, as seen on RAW (also known as the Brock Lesnar Superfan) is on Twitter here.
The Video Game Project, Pro Wrestling X: Uprising on can be found here.
Finally, but not least, check out Al Creed’s latest 8-bit wrestling creation:
Last Sunday marked the 1 year anniversary of Super Domino vs Great Power Uti in Nigeria! We didn’t talk about this on the show, but it’s still good to know. G and Pintnoir’s pick for best wrestling story of 2011
The power poll is a weekly poll conducted between a whole bunch of IWC sites, including ours, though we rarely – ok, never – vote anymore. Here’s this week’s results!
1. John Cena (NR)
The win over Brock Lesnar despite an injured arm is enough to catapult John Cena back into the Power Poll and knock Brock out of the number one position.
2. Brock Lesnar (1)
The pain has arrived in the WWE as Lesnar injures Cena and Triple H in back to back nights, but have we seen the last of Lesnar?
3. CM Punk (2)
The WWE Champion once again proves that he’s the best in the world by defeating Chris Jericho at Extreme Rules, but his Over The Limit opponent may have a claim to that title as well.
4. Sheamus (6)
A grueling two out of three falls match at Extreme Rules with Daniel Bryan allowed the Celtic Warrior to prove that his WrestleMania win was no fluke.
5. Daniel Bryan (NR)
Despite not regaining his World Heavyweight Championship at Extreme Rules, will the answer to the question, “Is Daniel Bryan the next WWE Champion” be “YES!?”
6. Kofi Kingston & R-Truth (NR)
While the WWE might be holding off on making the t-shirts after the Air Boom fiasco, Kofi Kingston and R-Truth walked out of RAW with the WWE Tag Team Championships.
7. Randy Orton (8)
After defeating the monster in a falls count anywhere match at Extreme Rules, has Orton gotten rid of his Kane nightmare for good?
8. Cody Rhodes (NR)
It wasn’t the prettiest victory, but Cody Rhodes took back his Intercontinental Championship in a tables match at Extreme Rules to jump back into the Power Poll.
9. Ryback (9)
Two may be better than one, but nine is equal to nine, and that’s where Ryback winds up once again this week.
10. Layla (NR)
Were you expecting somebody else? Layla returns at Extreme Rules to take the Divas Championship from Nikki Bella, then beats BOTH Bellas the next night on RAW, showing the twins the door in the process.
Fallen Out Of The Top 10:
Chris Jericho, Edge, Lord Tensai, Big Show, Nikki Bella
Here we are again, that one day of the year where that game called Gridiron or American Football as it’s sometimes known, is having it’s biggest day (I refuse to mention the particular name of said event, as I’m going to do the whole show without mentioning it. But, if you don’t know what it is, watch ESPN, they’ll be talking about it for the next week), and at BWF, we choose to celebrate by bringing you our own half-time show. Who would you rather see, us or Madonna? I thought so..
ThinkSoJoE, JT, G, and Jorge return for another episode of BoredWrestlingFan Radio! Joe loses his mind, causing BWF’s RYTMAN to question his sanity in the comments of the live broadcast. Did Triple H really piss himself on RAW? Was John Cena vs. CM Punk really worthy of being shown on EVERY WWE SHOW this week? Was TNA worth watching? What was so “social” about SmackDown? In the news, we find out the whereabouts of Ted DiBiase Jr. We discuss possible Old School RAW participants. Darren Young injured? Ain’t nobody got time for that! Why is Donald Trump “Hulk Hogan creepy?” What could be a better name for a wrestling themed pizzeria than “Squared Circle?” What in the blue hell is the Harlem Shake, and will Joe be doing it at WrestleMania? All this and more on this week’s edition of BWF Radio!
