Video Package Archives - Page 3 of 10

“Smackdown,” 5/13/11

May 14, 2011 3:56 pm 1 Comment

On behalf of His Mighty Mighty Flynn-ness, your friendly neighborhood Drowgoddess presents this “Friday the 13th” review of “Smackdown!” In the role of King Philip of France, we have Randy Orton. Representing the Knights Templar, we have (no pun intended) Christian. What will the conspiracy theorists have to say by the end of this? Let’s investigate! (more…)

Sunny to the Hall of Fame

March 10, 2011 8:40 pm 5 Comments

Monday night the WWE announced they were inducting Sunny into the WWE Hall-of-Fame. They showed a video package reviewing who she was and what she did. I realized that I could not explain to my wife what she meant to wrestling and what she meant to me as a fan during the era she reigned supreme. She was Sunny.

Who was the first “Diva?” Sherri Martel wore skimpy outfits and caked on the make-up. Missy Hyatt definitely has her place in the great canon of women in wrestling. Miss Elizabeth was definitely seen as a sex symbol, even though she was always treated with class and elegance. Nancy Benoit was a great female manager, but she was more wicked, and people didn’t tune in to see her. Sable was the first WWE superstar to pose nude for Playboy. But what made Sunny special?

I’m going to be honest. I started watching wrestling in early 1996, before Wrestlemania XII. I was 15. I was at the height of my hormonal teen years. Sunny was every 15-year-old boy’s dream. And in the WWE at that time, Sunny reigned supreme. Todd Pettengill used to host a show called WWF Mania on Saturday mornings. WCW Pro was at 8 am. WWF Mania was at 9am. That’s what I did with my Saturday morning. When I first started watching the show, Sunny was the host. And yes, my little 15-year-old heart pitter-pattered.

I have a lot of great memories watching Sunny. I remember her coming out with the LOD at Wrestlemania XIV and forming LOD 2000. I remember the feud with Dawn Marie (“Tamara Lynn Bytch”) in ECW. I remember her showing off those buns of steel to the live crowd in Dallas at Raw. And of course, who could forget her getting slopped by Phineas I. Godwinn (a then-clothed Naked Mideon)?

Last night they showed a video package that showed Sunny’s greatest moments. Tamara Lynn Sytch was a pretty girl. She was athletic, naturally very pretty and had lots of charisma. She was the girl you wanted but you knew you could never have, but you were going to dream about her anyway. She was one of the first Divas to draw. What makes her the first Diva, you might ask? Here is what I think. I think she was one of the first females in wrestling to do lingerie shoots and bikini shoots and, at some point in her career, served no other purpose than to come out and wave to the crowd. Sherri was a manager. Woman/Nancy Benoit was a manager. Miss Elizabeth was a manager/valet. And while Missy Hyatt did her share of bikini modeling, she pushed the envelope nowhere like Sunny did. Sunny was a pioneer who set the standard for every Diva we watch every week.

That being said, when I watch her footage, while she was the highlight of my mid-adolescent years, her stuff actually was pretty tame, all things considered. Her character was pretty simple. “I’m the drop-dead gorgeous woman you want. You can’t have me because I’m with Chris Candido.” That’s all she needed. Her body also looked like something that would be a foreign concept to Divas nowadays. She was natural. Her breasts didn’t enter the rooms three days before she did. Her lips didn’t look like flotation devices. And her hair didn’t look like Extension City. She was an insanely beautiful woman. And speaking from the fantasies of a 15-year-old boy, she more than got the job done. And I’m not alone. She was the most downloaded celebrity in 1996 on AOL.

The woman has earned her place in the annals of WWE history, and for what little it’s worth, I wish her congratulations for this time.

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RAW 3.7.11

March 7, 2011 11:25 pm 11 Comments

Tonight’s RAW will feature none other than the one, the only, Stone Cold Steve Austin!! Next week, we get the special guest host/star/whatever, Snooki, from Jersey Shore. Say what you want, I just don’t… don’t really like Jersey Shore that much. Anyway, I’ve sat through worse… I think.

About tonight: I hear that The Miz is boycotting tonight’s RAW. I’m upset, but I know some people who won’t be. And what else will happen as Wrestlemania XXVII draws closer and closer? The Undertaker is coming to RAW tonight, and John Cena says he’s going to deliver the “Final Knockout” to The Rock. Stay tuned and find out!

The Undertaker enters RAW to Johnny Cash’s Ain’t No Grave. Honestly, I’m kind of glad to hear it being used like this. It seems to suit Taker’s character very well, and… seems to me to kind of be a final theme song. But, anyway, I’ll shut up.

The Undertaker takes the mic and says at Wrestlemania, two legends, to icons will collide, will do battle. And in the end, there can only be one Highlander last outlaw. Now, the word on the street is that many feel that this is the year that the Streak is broken. That Father Time and all the battles, and all the wars, and all the injuries, are finally going to catch up to him. And then, there are those who feel like it’s the King of Kings, The Game, Triple H who is the one guy that has what it takes to bring him down and end the Streak. Well, Triple H, the Undertaker wants to remind you and everyone else, what has happened at the last two Wrestlemanias, what happened to someone else who thought they had what it took to end the Streak. Perhaps the greatest of all time, Shawn Michaels.

At Wrestlemania, there will be no excuses, no regrets, no disqualifications, no count outs, no rules. Their match at Wrestlemania will be No Holds Barred. In a match like this, the possibilities of what could happen are endless, but there is one thing that is iron-clad: The end result. It’s just like Triple H said: Triple H ends the Streak, and the Undertaker dies. Or, Triple H dies trying. Triple H, at Wrestlemania, you will rest in peace.

Later tonight, John Cena will respond to The Rock and deliver the “final knockout” and Stone Cold Steve Austin returns to RAW!!

Backstage, Randy Orton is taking on Nexus, and is then driven into a steel closet by Mason Ryan, then double-teamed by Otunga and Ryan as Punk watches. Punk says Orton managed to put McGuillicutty on the shelf, but where they’re going to send him is much, much worse. Punk then throws his head into the steel closet again, and once more, then hits the Go to Sleep. Punk tells them to pick “this piece of garbage” up and drag him to the ring.

@HitTheRopes Once again, the guys who put together the packages for WWE are #tremendous

@KeepItFiveStar The Undertaker putting his Avid Editing skills to work yet again. Just once I want to see him in an editing room with headphones on

@JRosz78 Love Taker coming out to Johnny Cash! Never gets old! #WWE #RAW #MNBW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar CM Punk hanging with New Nexus is like Shredder hanging with the Foot Soldiers. He’s clearly better than them and they’re not needed.

@smarkingout “Where we’re gonna send you is much, much worse.” Oh God, CM Punk is sending Orton to TNA.

@JonHexLives So Orton has officially taken Cena’s place as being the weekly target of gang violence. #WWE #RAW #BWF

Orton is in the ring, being circled by Punk, Ryan, and Otunga. The refs come out and pull Punk off him as Punk puts his knee on Orton’s throat and continues to taunt him. Orton pulls himself under the ropes and Otunga gets ready for his match. The ref keeps trying to keep Otunga off Orton and asks if Orton wants to compete. Orton says, “Uh, fuck yes.”

David Otunga vs Randy Orton

Otunga immediately is all over Orton, launching hits at his head. Then, he runs back at him and proceeds to kick him before going back to punches to Orton’s head. Otunga goes to grab him, but Orton kicks him. Otunga fights back and drags Orton out of the corner by his shirt and then drops onto him, going for a quick cover. Orton kicks out at two. Otunga pulls Orton to his feet, and then slams Orton onto the mat and goes for another cover, but Orton kicks out again. Otunga lifts Orton up once more, pointing to the Wrestlemania sign, and then he drops Orton again. Another cover later, and Orton has kicked out again. Otunga lifts him to his feet, but then Orton shows life and pushes him back before hitting the RKO and managing to pin Otunga.

Randy Orton wins via pinfall.

Ryan gets into the ring and takes Orton down with a boot to the skull. Now, neither Michael McGuillicutty nor David Otunga will be able to assist CM Punk at Wrestlemania. Ryan gets Orton onto his knees, and then starts to try something, but Orton hits another RKO and stands up, coiled to strike again. Punk runs down to try to save anyone else form getting punted in the skull, but Orton keeps him out of the ring. The two have a stare down, and Orton slowly looks over at Otunga. Punk watches as Orton considers it, and Punk tells him not to. Punk goes to run around the ring to get Otunga, and Orton punts Otunga in the skull. Orton drops to the mat, pounding it as he watches Punk, who backs away. Orton gets up on the ropes, forcing Punk to back away.

Tonight, Michael Cole will reveal the special guest referee for his match at Wrestlemania against Jerry “The King” Lawler.

@KeepItFiveStar CM Punk needs to get Festus, Serena and Joey Mercury back because THIS TEAM is pathetic…

@HitTheRopes @RandyOrton’s Punt is super effective. David Otunga fainted. Please take him to the nearest Pokemon Center.

@JonHexLives If Cena is Superman and Morrison is Spider-Man, then Orton must be Wolverine since he takes a beating and comes back for more #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi Randy’s in Oprah Mode(c). ‘You get a punt! And you get a punt! And you get a punt!’ #CultofHarpo #BWF #RAW

Earlier today, The Miz tweeted that due to not getting the recognition he deserves, he’s boycotting RAW tonight. I’m sad.

If you close your eyes…

CHRISTIAN!

Christian vs Alberto del Rio

Before the match, we learn that last week, Christian helped Edge as Del Rio attacked the World Heavyweight Champion. Del Rio comes down to the ring with none other than Brodus Clay at his side, but Christian doesn’t look that bothered…

Before the match, del Rio says that his name is Alberto del Rio, but we already knew that. It is his destiny to be the new World Heavyweight Champion at Wrestlemania, and Christian, you and he are going to fight. But not tonight. If Christian really wants to fight del Rio, first Christian has to defeat del Rio’s “little” friend, Brodus Clay.

Christian vs Brodus Clay

The match starts with the two of them locking up for a moment before dropping Christian on his face. Clay starts to lift Christian, who jumps behind him and tries to fight him and possibly lock in the Killswitch, but Brodus hits his pec. He does it again, and Christian dives between Clay’s legs, but is met by a head butt, then Clay drops onto Christian with one, two elbow drops and then a cover. Christian kicks out at two, and Clay targets Christian’s pec. Christian fights out of the submission, but Clay throws him across the ring and goes for a knee drop, but Christian moves out of the way, hitting a missile dropkick to Clay, followed by another that knocks Clay over. Christian goes for a cover, but Clay throws him off. Clay clotheslines him, and then Christian kicks out of the pin attempt. Clay gets Christian onto his shoulder and starts to run, but Christian gets down and then gets up in the corner, hitting a Tornado DDT.

Christian wins via pinfall.

Right after the match, del Rio attacks Christian. Del Rio gets Christian up, but Christian slaps him, running into a boot. Del Rio then locks in the Cross Arm Breaker, again, and keeps attacking the same arm.

@HitTheRopes Was Edge busy or something? If I was Christian, I’d be wondering why my former brother didn’t come to my aid

@TKeep123 Brodus comes in 2nd on #nXt and is the 1st to make a post-nXt apparance on #RAW ! Enough said. #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW

@Niki_Sushi Yay Christian! I don’t care you’re supposed to be on SmackDown. I’m happy that I get to see you. :3 #BWF #RAW

Already in going into the 2011 Hall of Fame, Shawn Michaels, Bullet Bob Armstrong and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. The next inductee: Sunny.

Next up, Eve will defend the Diva’s Championship.

@kickoutblog Sin Cara vignette is slick.

@Niki_Sushi Unlike Alberto’s retarded promos, this actually makes me excited to see Sin Cara! #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Somewhere in the world Sable just threw a remote at her TV and took a shot of whiskey.

@JRosz78 Sunny was well EPIC! #RAW #BWF #MNBW

@HitTheRopes So who hasn’t Sunny pissed off that is willing to induct her?

@KeepItFiveStar And now the Sunny forecast has been ruined by EVE. Thanks Eve…you did it again. You even found a way to ruin this

@TKeep123 Eve up next to defend her #TNA Jeff Hardy DIVA belt vs Niki Bella! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW

Diva’s Champion Eve Torres vs Brie/Nikki Bella for the Diva’s Championship

Gail Kim is in Eve’s corner. Well, there’s your Gail sighting, but that’s all you’re going to get.

The two lock up, and Eve backs Nikki onto the ropes, and then throws her across the ring. Eve then bounces Nikki’s head off the turnbuckle repeatedly before throwing her onto the mat. Eve tosses her again, by her hair, before kicking her once, twice, and then clotheslining her. Eve goes for a cover, but Nikki kicks out. Nikki comes back by throwing Eve onto the ropes and holding her down there. While Nikki distracts the ref, Brie hits Eve, and then Nikki kicks Eve’s head. Nikki drops Eve by her hair and goes for a cover, but Eve kicks out. Nikki stands on Eve’s hair before lifting her arms, and then goes for a cover, but Eve kicks out. Cole stands on the announce table and says enough with this match, as Nikki puts Eve in a headlock. Cole says he can’t wait to make his announcement, and he’s going to tell everyone who his special guest referee is. Nikki drops Eve onto her face, and then punches her, and Cole keeps talking and talking. Nikki throws Eve in the corner, and then Eve slaps her. Eve then kicks Nikki in the head, and Eve tries to grab Nikki before Brie replaces her, but the ref catches her that time. Eve rolls back in with Nikki, and Nikki misses a clothesline, and Eve hits whatever move it was for the win. Brie tries to help, but backs out.

Eve Torres wins via pinfall.

Cole takes the mic again and says thank God that’s over. Coming up next is Cole’s “Main Event”, and we’ll find out who the special guest referee will be for Cole and King’s match.

@WWEsAngel_Nef You know #WWE while this is a great way to make Cole look like a douche, this is disrespectful to the women’s division. I hate this crap too

@TKeep123 Michael Cole interrupting the DIVA match to self-promote… Horrid treatment of the Divas…. #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW

@KeepItFiveStar Sit down Michael Cole with your fake ass Smooth Criminal suit

@HitTheRopes Damn, talk about sh*tting on the females. #wwe

@KeepItFiveStar Welp, Women’s History Month continues in the WWE….

@FrankWWEClown There’s only one choice for Michael Cole’s guest referee…the man known as….Sting. #wait22111alreadyhappened #makessense #WWE #RAW

@Niki_Sushi As much as I dislike Eve holding the belt, I would sooner party with Eve than watch a Bella be champ. #BWF #RAW

@kellylynndobson Eve dressed like a sexual Ronald McDonald. ugh. #BWF

Next week, Snooki is going to guest host RAW!

Cole is in the ring, laughing as the video plays back, and asks if he can have our attention. He says at Wrestlemania, he’s going to compete in his first ever match. And, well, of course, it’s in the main event (yeahright). In his hand, Cole holds the contract. The man who signs those documents will be the guest referee, and will have the honor and privilege of holding his hand high as he defeats King at Wrestlemania. We may not believe this, but Cole respects Lawler. Because of that respect, Cole picked a referee who would be impartial. The man has vowed that he’ll call the match right down the middle, and at least King will have a fighting chance at Wrestlemania. Without further ado, Cole wants to announce the man. He’s a former WWE Champion, a true legend, one of the most iconic figures in WWE history, and, much like Cole, he’s a legendary Texan. We can feel it, we know he’s here, we know this man is here. He’s been waiting for an hour to get out of our seats and cheer for this man, so let’s start the cheer. An Austin chant starts up. Cole then says that those people are fools. He suckered them in, him, Michael Cole. Ladies and gentlemen, his referee at Wrestlemania is none other than JBL!

The trademark limo with the Texas longhorns pulls up, and I just remember the last time I saw JBL when he quit because Rey… Nevermind.

JBL and Cole hug in the ring, and JBL lifts his arm. JBL gets the mic and thanks the crowd for booing him. He knew that when the great JBL came back from his hiatus, that ‘you people’ would understand, and after what they went through with no champions, and JBL felt sorry for Texas. He knew when he returned, the greatest, longest reigning champion in Smackdown history, and he knew that we would welcome him like good southern people do, with open hearts, but this is so much more important than us. Cole is right, JBL is going to Wrestlemania, the main event, there’s other matches, there’s a guest host. Whatever. Nobody has ever debuted at Wrestlemania, in the main event, until now. And JBL is so proud that this grizzled vet, standing in front of him… JBL saw the dues Cole paid, the way King treated Cole, saw that King was nothing more than a simple bully. JBL hates bullies, and it’s wrong that the strong pick on the weak just because the can. JBL is proud of Cole for standing up to that bully. The world is going to know what Cole can do. With Swagger standing on Cole’s corner, there’s only one thing missing: an impartial ref. JBL can buy anyone in that building, but no one can buy JBL. He’s a man of integrity, and that’s why he’s there, why when he signs that contract, JBL goes home. Today, JBL starts his journey back to the main event at Wrestlemania. JBL takes the contract, but is interrupted by shattering glass…

Stone Cold Steve Austin chooses now to make his way down the ramp, and Cole just shit his pants.

Austin makes his way to another corner and Cole literally scurries to get out of his way.

JBL and Cole are pointing their fingers at Austin, and yelling at him, but Austin looks unamused. Cole hides behind JBL, like he did Swagger last week. Austin keeps going for Cole, but JBL moves in the way. Austin finally gets sick of it and delivers a Stunner to JBL. He catches his beers and puts on JBL’s cowboy hat before throwing it off and celebrating with his beer as always. Some things will never get old.

He drinks one beer and pours another one on JBL, who squirms. Austin then sees the contract. Cole realizes what may be going through Austin’s head and seems to be sobbing. Austin picks up the contract, and Cole begs him not to do it. Austin just spit beer all over the contract. Cole is sobbing now, by the way. Austin says if we want him to sign that contract, give him a “Hell Yeah”. So, Stone Cold signs it. Austin says the special guest referee at Wrestlemania will be none other than STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN! And that’s the bottom line, ‘cause Stone Cold said so.

Cole keeps begging, and Austin rolls out of the ring, catching a fresh beer. Austin shakes Cole’s hand, then pours three cans of beer all over his head. Austin then tells him good luck, and shoves him back in his seat. Austin rolls back into the ring, where JBL is showing signs of life, and Cole slowly walks right under another can of beer being poured on him, and up the ramp. JBL just got hit in the head by a can of beer, and Austin gives him a beer. He offers his can up, for cheers, and then drinks it. JBL shrugs and drinks it to, before getting another Stunner. Dumbass. Swagger’s at the top of the ramp, watching Cole have a pissy fit.

Hope Cole enjoyed his beer bath.

@JonHexLives Michael Cole has a Boss Hog fit with Roscoe Swagtraine trying to calm him down. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@TKeep123 YES! Austin serves up 2 beers for Michael Cole-on top of his head! JBL finally waking up…Stunner #2! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW

@JonHexLives That’s like the whole 12-pack Stone Cold has poured all over that ring. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi The camera won’t look at Josh Matthews because he is grinning like a damn fool right now. #BWF #RAW

@kellylynndobson Cole sounding like Nancy Kerrigan, “Why…..Why?” #BWF

@TKeep123 …and The Rattle-snake literally STUNS the 10 Gallon Hat off of JBL! Steve-wizers for everyone! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW

@Niki_Sushi ‘It was my night, it was my night’ I think it’s his night now. #BWF #RAW #JustSayin

@kickoutblog At least Cole didn’t pick Austin, that would’ve been dumb.

@CMPunkSays We will have Stone Cold and The Rock at Wrestlemania. WE WILL HAVE STONE COLD AND THE ROCK AT WRESTLEMANIA. #MyBodyIsNotReady #WWE

@WWE_Creative Wow, @steveaustinBSR made it through an entire segment without saying “ass”. TV-PG is alive and well! #RAWTonight

@redsandman99 See Cole? Being a tremendous douchenozzle does not pay off in the end.

@HitTheRopes Austin just embarrassed Cole on the behalf of the Divas…. Well, not really, but one can think positively

@WWEUniverse Arrived. Raised Hell. Signed Contract. Left. #Austin316 #MichaelCole #WWE #Raw #Wm27

@FrankWWEClown I would mark out for Michael Cole vomiting all over the announce table in disgust of Stone Cold. Oh hell yeah. #WWE #RAW #WM27 #AUSTIN316

Backstage, Cole is flipping out because his clothes are a mess to Jack Swagger. Cole says he hates Stone Cold as much as he hates Jerry, but Swagger interrupts him. Swagger tells Cole to focus on King, and Swagger will worry about Austin. Swagger threatens to break Austin’s ankle like a twig, and Cole goes out to shower, finally.

Jerry “The King” Lawler makes his way back to ringside, where he belongs.

Doesn’t Defend His Title On Live Television United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs King Sheamus

Sheamus starts out by attacking the hell out of Bryan, and hurls him across the ring before putting his fists in Bryan’s face. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. Sheamus gets Bryan to his feet and misses a clothesline, only to eat a missile dropkick, followed by another one that sends Sheamus out to the announce table, grabbing his ankle. The ref is counting, but Sheamus doesn’t seem to be able to really walk, let alone get into the ring. Sheamus lets the ref count.

United States Daniel Bryan wins via count-out.

Sheamus takes a mic and says hold on a minute. For the last couple months, he’s been on a losing streak. But, he promises next week, all that will change, when he becomes the new United States Champion. What does Bryan say? If Sheamus doesn’t beat him for the title, Sheamus will quit. Bryan nods, and I get my wish for Bryan to actually defend his title on television.

Coming up, Shawn Michaels will speak out again on the Undertaker vs Triple H match.

@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!

@KeepItFiveStar Lmao! Oh My God! Sheamus looks so sad! A part of him died last week.

@CMPunkSays I was wondering if anyone else noticed the quick count. Very astute, Mathews. #WWE

@Niki_Sushi …. I forgot about Daniel Bryan. I’ll be honest. I haven’t heard his theme in forever. Doesn’t he have a belt or something? #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog Looks like there ain’t no grave that can hold King Sheamus down.

We come back to CM Punk sitting in the ring, ready for action.

Oh, and my head was just starting to stop hurting.

CM Punk vs R-Truth

Punk goes to attack Truth as Truth gives up the mic, but Truth goes for a quick cover. Punk kicks out and Truth hits a quick drop toe-hold, and then Punk takes momentum and throws Truth into one steel post, then another. Then, Punk throws Truth into a third. One more and you’ll get them all, Punk! Truth fights back, however, and Punk does like that, attacking him in the corner. Punk goes for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Punk gets Truth in a submission, and Truth tries to fight out, getting up to his feet before fighting out. Truth hits a clothesline, then another on Punk before slapping Punk. Punk Whips him, and Truth tries to flip over, but Punk isn’t there. Truth counters the attempted Go to Sleep and goes for a cover, but Punk kicks out at two. Punk rolls out of the ring, then grabs Truth’s arm and jumps off the apron, hurting Truth’s shoulder. Punk then locks in the Anaconda Vice, and Truth taps out.

CM Punk wins via submission.

Ryan climbs in the ring with Punk and Punk directs Ryan to Punk. Ryan lifts him up before dropping Truth down in what King just called a shoulder breaker.

I’m sorry, but I can’t focus too terribly much on this, so I’m not going to say everything he says. First, Shawn comments on their friendship, and says that greatness rarely gets satisfied, which is why Triple H takes on the Undertaker. Combined with Triple H’s talent, there’s a darkness in him. Triple H is the kind of guy who could do anything and not feel any remorse about it.

Vickie Guerrero makes her way down to the ring, even though she was fired as Smackdown’s Official Consultant.

@KeepItFiveStar CM Punk bringing out the Anaconda Vice on Truth! That’s how you tame a jiggaboo!

@TKeep123 You know it’s bad for Sheamus when an R-Truth match lasts longer than his! #RAW #WWE #BWF #MNBW

@WWE_Creative We needed to have @CMPunk murder @RandyOrton earlier because Punk killing @RonKillings may turn him face. #RAWTonight

@KeepItFiveStar What’s Up?! STRAIGHT EDGE! What’s Up?! STRAIGHT EDGE! What’s Up?! STRAIGHT EDGE! What’s Up?! STRAIGHT EDGE!

@legendkiller515 Why is t-truth still rapping? I don’t get it. He’s awful. And I’m the token black guy saying he can’t rap. #wwe #raw #bwf

@kickoutblog Vickie Guerrero is here! She’s announcing herself as the first (and only) participant for Money in the Bank

I’m not convinced Snooki’s PG, but I’ll deal.

Vickie screeches Excuse Me at us again, and she’s boo’d. Same old story. She says due to her extensive negotiating efforts, please allow her to introduce to us, the former World Heavyweight Champion, and the newest member to the RAW Roster, Dolph Ziggler.

I am perfection…

Apparently, getting fired from Smackdown, means a… “promotion” to RAW. But wait… Did Vickie get rehired last Friday when I wasn’t watching? I’m confuuuuused!

Dolph Ziggler vs John Morrison

So… no answer then, WWE? Not going to tell me how Vickie Guerrero is suddenly on RAW with a job and a microphone? No? … Awesome. Oh, wondrous! And now Vickie’s on commentary. Oh, and King’s making fat jokes. Sweet.

Ziggler and Morrison lock up, and Ziggler plants Morrison. Morrison tries to jump over Ziggler, but Ziggler wisely takes out the knee. And… a commercial.

@HitTheRopes TNA got Sting and did the 3/3/11 video. WWE returns fire by getting Snooki while TNA has The Shore knockoffs.

@KeepItFiveStar HEY! Dolph Ziggler got his job back! First step Dolph! Next step Carlito! #wishfulthinking

@kickoutblog You know, she wouldn’t have to say “excuse me” so much if you’d just excuse her.

@CMPunkSays When he comes to the ring, John Morrison has this look on his face like he KNOWS he just disintegrated every pair of panties in the arena.

I come back to hear Vickie threatening Snooki if she looks at Vickie’s man, or men she’s been involved with. Anyway, Morrison drops Ziggler to the mat three times, before kneeing him and then hits the Moonlight Drive. Morrison goes for the cover, but Ziggler’s foot touches the rope. Morrison tries to pull Ziggler away, abut Ziggler holds onto the ropes and rakes Morrison’s eyes before hitting a Zig-Zag.

Dolph Ziggler wins via pinfall.

The GM did hire Dolph Ziggler to RAW, but not Vickie Guerrero. Thank you for answering me, WWE. The general manager considers Vickie a “very polarizing figure”. The GM says, however, that Vickie can have a job on RAW if she wins her match next week. Her match is against Trish Stratus.

Security comes out to escort Vickie out of the ring, and she clings to Dolph’s leg while the crowd sings her out.

Next, John Cena response to the Rock with the “final knockout.”

@HitTheRopes It’s weird to see security walk to the ring. On TNA I’m always seeing security running

@redsandman99 You know what this means? LayCool will interfere and it will set up Trish/Kelly vs LayCool at Wrestlemania

@kickoutblog If Snooki wants to get on my good side, she’ll help Vickie beat Trish Stratus next week.

@KeepItFiveStar “The Chaperon is a good emotional story about a dad, who’s trying to *Gets in Triple H mode* END THE STREAK!!!” – Triple H

@CMPunkSays They’re throwing Attitude Era stars at us like X-Men Origins: Wolverine threw mutants at the plot. Except that THIS is awesome. #WWE

@JonHexLives Apparently it took 20 minutes for the GM to notice Vickie was there. Guess she’s not that fat. #WWE #RAW #BWF

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR YABBA DABBA BITCH PLEASENOGAYJOKES

These fans can’t decide between The Rock and John Cena, apparently. They love… whoever has the mic at that moment.

Cena says that they’re right; everything’s bigger in Texas. Once you’re there and you look around, there’s people as far as the eye can see. Some people are excited, some people are angry. One guy’s angry at him, and that’s The Rock. Cena doesn’t get it, because The Rock didn’t come out and make fun of him. Cena likes what he has to say, calling him Fruity Pebbles. Cena thinks it’s funny. The impression of him is funny. It’s a good shtick. But, a couple weeks ago, Cena said something about the Rock, and Shut the front door, he got mad. Rock was very angry that Cena addressed him in rap. Rock said never, ever address him in rap. Cena found a solution, and he will address the Rock in hip-hop, which should clear everything up.

Last week, Rock showed the whole world his ass is soft
HE talked trash from his living room and wouldn’t take his glasses off
What he couldn’t afford a plane ticket or rent a helicopter
No, Rock chose to stay home and read off a teleprompter
You can see the words in his glasses
Rewind it back I caught him
Only time you see me, homies, is when I’m whippin that Rock Bottom
They say the Rock is unbeatable, he’ll put John Cena on the shelf
But after last week, the only thing the Rock’s beatin is himself
And once again, I’m standin here
And where’ s the Rock? He must be misplaced
I get it, I’m a Fruity Pebble, you’re yabba dabba misplaced
He yelled for thirty minutes, almost made me throw up
You wanna be the people’s champ Here’s a tip: Show up
I’m so glad this thing is over so I can cross it off my checklist
Rock didn’t win, but it’s ok, I’ll give him a pearl necklace
It’s not my fault Rock, you just make it too easy to get you
You might as well attack my dog, because every week he eats my shitzu
But I made him angry, that’s not what I was in it, I didn’t want him to seem hurt
So to make amends, I actually went out and bought the Rock’s new t-shirt
(I BRING IT VIA SATELLITE SHIRT)
Rock, make them chant your name, raise an eyebrow, give us all a fun night
But don’t ever call me out again dude, cause that’s bringing a knife to a gun fight.

WWE Champion The Miz shows up out of nowhere and attacks John Cena with the WWE Championship belt. SO much for boycotting RAW. Cena gets up, and Miz watches him before Cena turns around, and Miz hits him again. Miz picks up the mic, and says Cena, Cena, Cena. You and your little buddy, The Rock, and everybody else has disrespected me for the last time. Do you see a pattern here, Cena? Every time you and Rock get your panties in a wad, this is what happens to you. And if The Rock was here, the same thing would happen to him. Cena, you like to rap, well try this one on for size:

The Rock, John Cena, Macho Man and Liz
Stone Cold and Bret Hart, they’re nothing compared to The Miz.

And one more thing, hello Rock. He and Miz haven’t been properly introduced: He’s the Miz, the WWE Champion, and star of Wrestlemania. Rock, on the other hand, is just the host. So Rock should know his role and be the best Ryan Seacrest he can be. And if Rock has the guts to show up on RAW or at Wrestlemania, Miz will take his little eyebrow, his 45 catchphrases, his sunglasses, his father, his grandfather, roll them up into a ball, flip it sideways, and stick it straight up his candy ass. Because he’s The Miz, and he’s-

Miz then gets behind John Cena and gives him a Skull Crushing Finale. Miz stops, pulls off the band on his elbow, and then delivers the Miz’s Elbow.

–AWWWWWESOOOOME!

Well. Interesting RAW, to say the least, and I do like the way it ended. Yes, yes, I know. But I’m a Mizfit, and it made me happy. It didn’t make up for some of the things that went on, but there you have it. And yes, I did type up that whole rap just by sitting here listening to it. Anyway, next week we have Snooki and Trish Stratus. See you then.

RAW 2.14.11

February 14, 2011 11:38 pm 5 Comments

Happy Valentine’s Day!! Here at BoredWrestlingFan, we love you all! In a non-creepy kind of way. Like family, really… I love you like brothers and sisters and dysfunctional cousins, and that one uncle who always comes in around Christmas time dressed up like Santa, just to get you to sit on his lap, but always gets punched out by your dad. Yeah. I love you all like that.

Anyway, now that I’ve creeped myself out, who will be the guest host for Wrestlemania? And who is going to be showing themself next week on RAW?! AND WHEN WILL RANDY ORTON WEAR PANTS?! All these questions (or, y’know, just one of them), and more will be answered on tonight’s edition of Monday Night RAW!

Earlier tonight, the RAW GM announced three singles matches: Randy Orton v King Sheamus, John Morrison vs R-Truth, and John Cena vs CM Punk once more, but tonight, there will be a winner and the New Nexus is banned from ringside!!

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR LOVE YOU TOO!!!

John Cena vs CM Punk – There Must Be A Winner and New Nexus is Banned from Ringside

Before the match, Cena thanks King for the assist, and comments on the crowd. He says he sees some guys smiling, sweating, and that could only mean that it’s Valentine’s Day. He says it’s good to see all the couples, and nothing really says “I love ya honey” like a pair of tickets to WWE. Love is in the air, but so is Wrestlemania! Tonight’s gonna be big, because tonight we find out who will host Wrestlemania! As we can see, everyone’s talking about it, and there are tons of theories. Lady Gaga (after showing up at the Grammys in an egg), Sammy (after leaving Jersey Shore), but Cena thinks that his theory is the most solid: Michael Cole hosts Wrestlemania. He says that he’s equally upset, but Mr. McMahon said last night (Last week), all this special stuff. Cole gets a special feeling every time the GM sends him an email, Cole has a special attraction to Miz and A-Ry, and something that’s never been seen before? They’ve never seen any absolute proof that Michael Cole is actually a man. Cena says that there’s no need for Cole to stand up and embarrass himself, because he’d look like a host. Tonight, we find out who hosts Wrestlemania, Sunday we find out who goes to Wrestlemania for the WWE Championship. Cena says that after his year, he needs this Wrestlemania moment. At one point, he was a slave, working for a group of radicals, and then he was fired. And then he was living off of powdered milk and Crayola crayons, and then he came back and still had to deal with the group of radicals called the Nexus. The great thing about the Elimination Chamber is that only one man from that group can step inside, and that’s CM Punk-

CM Punk’s music interrupts and Punk comes out with a mic. He says that he does not need to listen to this anymore, just as he does not need the members of the New Nexus to defeat Cena. Cena’s a sports fan, it’s in the history book, the last two times that Punk and Cena met, let the record state: CM Punk: 2, John Cena: 0. He doesn’t need to listen to Cena run down Cole, or the people in Anaheim, because he is a good person. Trust Punk, Cena, even here, good things happen to good people.

The match starts with Punk closing the distance, and the two lock up, only for Cena to push Punk in the corner. Punk seems to have an injured leg, but runs to Cena to miss a clothesline, and throws Punk across the ring, and Punk moves as Cena runs to him, sending Cena shoulder-first into the steel post. Punk gets on the apron, and jumps onto Cena on the outside.

@Niki_Sushi I think I just heard Cole jizz himself when Punk complimented him. I think it’s a love square here now. #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Uh-oh, Punk. Last time someone tried a win-loss countdown with John Cena, they got destroyed. Poor 2009 Miz.

@CMPunkSays So is Michael Cole asexual or a hermaphrodite? #VagueSexualSlurs #WWE

@legendkiller515 cole is a good Samaritan? since when? #bwf

@SadieandCompany Love the Grey’s Sports Almanac reference from @CMPunk! #WWE #BWF

We come back to Punk dominating Cena, and he goes for a cover, but Cena kicks out a two. Punk pulls Cena back up and suplexes him into another cover, but Cena won’t be put away. He latches onto Cena’s shoulder, and Cena gets him off with an arm drag before running right into Punk’s foot, and Punk goes for yet another cover. Punk then wraps his feet around Cena’s waist and applies some pressure. Cena works on getting Punk’s legs out from around him, and tries to lock in the STF, but Punk gets to the rope and elbows Cena off of him. Punk steps on Cena’s head and back, and the ref gets him off. Punk stands Cena up, and delivers a hit to the forehead. Punk continues with some hits to Cena’s head before wrapping it up with a kick to the chest. Punk relishes in the boos for a minute before meeting a punch to the gut by Cena. Cena Whips Punk, who counters, and then Cena hits some shoulder takedowns, and a sidewalk slam. He hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and goes for the Attitude adjustment, but Punk pushes him off and kicks him right in the face. Punk goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two. Punk goes back to the submission, putting Cena’s head in between his legs, but Cena gets him up, and Punk fights his way to safety. Cena reverses and hits a Gutwrench, but Punk gets out of the cover. Cena climbs up on the top rope, but Punk jumps up and kicks him in the head, sending Cena back to the ring. Punk runs across the ring and gives the high knee to Cena before missing the Bulldog, and Cena tries to hit the STF only to get met with a swinging neckbreaker, but Cena kicks out of the cover at two. Punk gets Cena up, but Cena counters and goes for the cover, but Punk kicks out at two. Punk delivers some hard and high kicks and goes for the cover, but Cena kicks out at two again. Punk climbs out of the ring and goes to the top rope, hitting a cross body, but Cena catches him and puts him up for the Attitude Adjustment, and Punk gets the top rope. Cena sends him out of the ring, and Punk gets a chair from someone in Nexus, followed by a wrench. As the ref gets the chair out of the ring, Punk hits Cena with the wrench and hits the Go to Sleep for the win.

CM Punk wins via pinfall.

And there’s the end of RAW! … Oh, wait. It’s still the beginning of RAW…

Josh Matthews is taking the place of Jerry “The King” Lawler because King is taking time off after the death of his mother. Our prayers are with him and his family. But don’t worry, he’ll be at Elimination Chamber.

Still to come, the Wrestlemania guest host!

@KeepItFiveStar Mae Young and Mark Henry’s hand is all grown up and it’s joined the Nexus!

@Niki_Sushi Huh. I haven’t heard any rumors about it being Johnny Depp or Ryan Seacrest. If only. #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes Michael Cole lies, NOBODY says it will be Vince McMahon

@N_er_d Diljeet Guest Host Revelation today. Please be someone sensible. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@legendkiller515 cole just sounds like a hater. he got that #hateration going on #bwf

Justin Roberts tells us to welcome Ricardo Rodriguez. He says Ladies and gentlemen, something something something something something, something about a suit, something something, Excellent, Mexico, Alberto del Rio. Thank you Spanish Class! … I hope my Spanish teacher doesn’t watch wrestling, or I’m in trouble. And, now there’s a random plug about the Smackdown! Elimination Chamber match! … Cool. Cause RAW is Smackdown now. I guess.

Alberto del Rio says that his name is Alberto del Rio, but we already knew that. This Sunday, it makes no difference to him who wins the Smackdown Elimination Chamber, because just like it was his destiny to win the Royal Rumble, it is his destiny at Wrestlemania to be the World Heavyweight Champion.

You think you know me…

Edge comes down with his World Heavyweight Championship, and I don’t know how he kept it because I didn’t watch. Edge asks Alberto what’s up, and says that the past two weeks he’s been so busy beating Dolph Ziggler on Smackdown that he almost forgot that del Rio attacked him with a guitar. So, he talks about his destiny, and Edge says he has a destiny too. Wanna know what it is? And then Edge takes del Rio off his feet and pummels him. Edge backs into the corner, and starts to go for the Spear, but Ricardo does what he’s paid for and distracts Edge. Del Rio starts to do something to Edge, but Edge Spears him.

Vickie says this Sunday there will be a World Heavyweight Championship match, but first, she’s there to introduce the new – and then has to excuse herself again – World Heavyweight Champion, her amazing boyfriend, Dolph Ziggler! Okay, last Friday, Vickie tries to Spear Edge, but hurts herself, and Edge takes advantage to Spear Dolph. Edge calls for another ref, and Packers linebacker, Clay Matthews went out and counted for the match.

Vickie says that she has told him over and over and over again that if he uses the Spear, he would face the consequences. This Friday night on Smackdown, they will have the official coronation of Dolph Ziggler as the World Heavyweight Champion. So, Edge, you lost the world title on Friday, and he is about to lose something else: his job. Vickie has proof that Edge is the one who assaulted Teddy Long, and then she cackles. Because this really is Smackdown now. I have a headache now.

Coming up next, Natalya’s getting her rematch for the Diva’s Championship in a Lumberjill match.

@TKeep123 Vickie reveals she has “PROOF” that Edge attacked Teddy Long…..then she cackles like a hen laying a square egg. #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw

@KeepItFiveStar Wow. Sting really grew his hair out long. And grew a goatee. Man, The Undertaker look is coming back in style. …STINNNNNG!!!

@HitTheRopes SO, how does @HeelZiggler feel about Del Rio doing his whole introduction shtick but with a Spanish flair? Remember Dolph’s, Hi my name is..

@Niki_Sushi You attacked me with a guitar. MEET MY BANJO! #BWF #RAW

@FrankWWEClown Vickie Guerrero’s laugh makes puppies run for their lives, makes babies cry, and made me vomit. Talk about a triple whammy. #WWE #RAW

@ccastagnoli Best evil laugh since Ted DiBiase; @excusemewwe

@SadieandCompany Hmmm…. 21-2 = 19 , 1-1 = 0 … WM 27 19-0 #WWE #Bwf

@ThingsColeSays You know what, could 2.21.11 be the return of Triple H?

Tonight, we have another match I don’t want to watch, as the United States Champion Daniel Bryan will go against the WWE Champion, The Miz!

Natalya vs WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres for the Diva’s Championship in a LumberJill Match

I hate Lumberjack/jill matches too.

DON’T SHAKE HANDS! Anyway, Natalya gets Eve down on the match, but Eve gets her out of it, and then they do the same thing. The two then try to go for the same move, and respect one another. Natalya with two covers in a row, but Eve kicks out at two. Eve gets Natalya on her back, but not shoulders down, and Natalya fights to her feet. Natalya drags Eve into the ring, and gets her in that surfboard submission, but Eve gets her hands free and flips free, pinning Natalya, who kicks out at two. Natalya gets Eve in a headlock, but Eve fights out and the two of them exchange move, but Eve hits a handspring moonsault and Natalya kicks out of the cover. Natalya hits the spinning clothesline thing and Eve throws Natalya out of the ring. The bellas attack her, and Maryse Alicia and Melina join, but Gail Kim and Tamina try to help her, and do so. Eve then takes out the heel divas, minus Melina, and it looks like Maryse was hurt more. Eve gets back in the ring, and both Divas are down in the center of the ring. Maryse leaves ringside, by the way. Natalya goes in a roll through, but Natalya’s shoulders are down, and Eve retains.

WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres wins via pinfall.

Natalya stands up and the two shake hands again, which just infuriates me.

@5CornersxSmootx #RAW Alicia Fox looks like a 6ft prostitute with that red hair.

@KeepItFiveStar Oh God! Maryse! Is she okay?! Somebody check on my fallen angel!

@kickoutblog Eve looks like Wonder Woman and Iron Man had a baby.

@legendkiller515 cole sounds like he never got some valentines love as a kid…he needs help! #bwf

@TKeep123 “Lumber-Jack” matches are usually to end some long terrible feud… This is for Eve and Natalya? What’s the point? #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw

Eve Torres and the Bellas are arguing backstage. One of the Bellas tries to choke Eve, and Gail comes up to help Eve, and then its Eve, Gail and Natalya against the Bellas in some crappy brawl or another. Well, I could be reviewing two people I don’t like shoving their tongues down their throats.

Cole has a lame ass segue turning back over to The Chaperone as we get a ‘sneak peek’, or, y’know… the trailer again.

Mark Henry-

Mark Henry starts to come out to the ring, but Sheamus comes out and attacks him from behind, delivering a Brogue Kick to him, and then demands the mic, fella!

Sheamus says that to every fella in the Elimination Chamber, that’s a reminder of what he’s capable of. And if they want an even bigger reminder, they can watch what he does to Randy Orton tonight. A ref gets Henry onto his knees and Sheamus Brogue Kicks him again.

WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley make their way to the ring. Oh, and wouldn’t you know it? Michael Tarver’s doin The Creep!

@KeepItFiveStar What the hell, Natalya and Gail? Eve started the fight! She ran off at the mouth at The Bellas. Called them fat. Heard a racial slur or two.

@TKeep123 Diva Pile…Diva Pile! I so want to be the back-stage Ref! #WWE #RAW #BWF #mnbw

@HitTheRopes The backstage brawl was slightly better than the actual title match. #WWE

@Niki_Sushi Well. Looks like a Bella is getting fired. Didn’t you learn from leering at Daniel that choking is BAD? #BWF #RAW

@CMPunkSays I figured it out. Michael Tarver has been dead the whole time, BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW IT. #WWE #AsDirectedByMNightShyamalan

@KeepItFiveStar LOL Michael Tarver should come out The Creep by The Lonely Island featuring Nicki Minaj

@Niki_Sushi And he’s out! See ya later, Mark! Nice seeing you. #BWF #RAW #SameTimeNextWeek

@ThingsColeSays HAHAHAHAHAHA, MIZ JUST SHOVED DOWN CENA’S BEST BACKSTAGE FRIEND.

@kickoutblog Okay, Miz shoving that guy was hilarious.

@AkatsukiArtist @kickoutblog HE JUST SHOVED STAN

@kickoutblog Good thing Alex Riley keeps Miz’s soul in that briefcase, otherwise Michael Tarver would’ve enjoyed a late dinner

@JonHexLives The Miz shoving random backstage guy was easily the best thing he’s done since stealing Angry Miz Girl’s Slammy. #WWE #RAW #BWF

AWESOME!

WWE Champion The Miz with Alex Riley vs United States Champion Daniel Bryan

It looks like Alex Riley is on commentary again, which really kind of sucks. Though, I did laugh at Cole and Riley shaking hands, and then Cole backhanding Matthews. I did laugh.

Miz and Bryan circle one another, and lock up, Miz getting Bryan in a headlock. Miz then knocks Bryan down. The two lock up again, and Bryan gets a few arm drags on Miz. Miz elbows Bryan, and then avoids Bryan’s kick, only to get hit by two missile dropkicks in a row, and Miz kicks him in the face. Miz then attacks Bryan repeatedly. I’d go into more detail, but the damn cameras keep going to the announce table. Miz puts pressure on Bryan’s jaw, putting him in a headlock, and Bryan fights out. Bryan runs at Miz, but they both fall over and have a ‘what the fuck?!’ moment, and Bryan puts Miz in a headlock. Miz Whips Bryan and then elbows him so hard that Miz is knocked over too before going to the cover. Bryan kicks out, and Miz comes back at him, putting Bryan in a headlock. Bryan and Miz duke it out with a few hits, and then Bryan Whips Miz, who counters and then Bryan flips out of the corner and retaliates with a clothesline. Miz gets up in the corner and Bryan plants his feet in Miz’ chest before going for the cover, but Miz kicks out. Miz plays possum and fights back, but Bryan drops him on the outside of the ring. Miz stands up, Bryan runs at him, but Miz moves. Bryan then launches himself at Miz outside the ring. Bryan throws Miz back into the ring and goes up top, and plants his feet in Miz’s chest again, but Miz kicks out of the cover at two. Miz is on his feet, and he is lured into the LaBell Lock, but Miz gets to the ropes first. The two seem to fight for a minute in the ropes before Miz hits a neckbreaker and deposits Bryan outside the ring.

@KeepItFiveStar OH! What a neckbreaker by Miz! Damn!

@Niki_Sushi NO! WHY CAN’T I EVER ESCAPE!? I’m going to start crying every time I heard this damn song now. Daniel, just… go away. Please. #BWF #RAW

We come back to Miz in control, and he gets Bryan up on the top rope, delivering some this to him. Miz tries to go for the suplex that no one seems able to hit anymore, and he manages to get Miz from the top to the ring on his back in record time, but Miz still kicks out from the cover. Bryan’s on his feet first and delivers some hard kicks to Miz’ chest, rapid-fire. Miz ducks under his next one and goes for a cover, but Bryan kicks out at two. Miz does it again, but Bryan kicks out again. Miz starts to drop Bryan onto his knee, but Bryan counters and kicks him in the chest again, but Miz kicks out of the cover at two. Bryan tries to get the LaBell Lock in again, but Miz gets up to his feet, and Bryan jumps onto his shoulders before dropping Bryan right on his face. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the win.

WWE Champion The Miz wins via pinfall.

Miz stays in the ring after his match and asks if everyone saw what he did to the United States Champion Daniel Bryan? He knows everyone saw what he did, but there’s one person that didn’t see: Jerry “The King” Lawler. We all know Jerry’s unfortunately not here tonight, because his mother passed away. Therefore, Miz would like to take this moment to offer his sincere condolences. And yet he still gets boo’d. However, Miz says, he hopes that Jerry doesn’t use this as an excuse as to why he loses his match on Sunday at the Elimination Chamber. Because if Miz wants him to hear one thing, it is that The Miz will still be WWE Champion because he’s The Miz and he’s AWESOME!

Apparently, the rumors about the host of Wrestlemania have included every celebrity. I heard it’d even be Elvis!

@KeepItFiveStar That could’ve went down a really bad road. Thankfully it didn’t! #MizIsAwesome

@CMPunkSays HE’S GOING FOR THE NUCLEAR HEAT #Miz #WWE

@BrdWrstlngFn I see a lot of hate for @MikeTheMiz on here. Means he’s doing his job. Keep up the good work, Miz!

@HitTheRopes Lol, people starting freaking out thinking the WWE would have Miz go in on Lawler’s tragedy. Good job there WWE. Respectful and sells match

Michael McGuillicutty and David Otunga with Mason Ryan vs John Morrison and R-Truth

HOLY SHIT TRUTH’S DREADS ARE GONE! Oh, not they aren’t.

During the commercial, the RAW GM made this match to allow Truth and Morrison a chance at revenge, or something. Truth starts out with McGuillicutty and starts beating him up, but McGuillicutty fights back, only to get beat again. Morrison has some red around his eyes, and Otunga distracts the ref, so Morrison goes to get him, and Ryan gets Truth out of the ring and kicks him in the ribs. McGuillicutty climbs out of the ring and rams him kidney-first into the apron before hitting him again. McGuillicutty throws him into the ring and goes for the cover, but Truth kicks out at two. McGuillicutty tags in Otunga, who suplexes Truth and goes for a cover, only for Truth to kick out. Cole and Matthews argue over Punk’s victory as Otunga works on weakening Truth. Truth fights back and dodges a wild clothesline before dropping Otunga on his neck. Truth and Otunga are both down in the middle of the ring and Morrison gets in against Otunga. Morrison drops Otunga and hits him repeatedly, obviously furious about the attack on him last week. Otunga tags McGuillicutty in, but Morrison doesn’t care. He’s gone Hulk, and proceeds to just beat the shit out of McGuillicutty now. I’m not sure if the ref or Truth are safe either. Morrison works harder on kicking the shit out of McGuillicutty, and the ref finally gets him off of Otunga, and Morrison kicks Ryan away from the ring before sending Truth out on Ryan. Morrison kicks, or knees, McGuillicutty in the face and pins him for the win.

R-Truth and The Hulk John Morrison win.

Mason Ryan attacks Morrison from behind, but Morrison and Truth fight him out. The ref raises his hand and Morrison jerks it away to glare threateningly at Nexus.

Chris Jericho’s new autobiography, Undisputed, is available Wednesday! It’d be the perfect late Valentine’s Day present for your favorite RAW Reviewer, just so you know…

Coming up, the guest host of Wrestlemania will be announced, and Randy Orton and Sheamus will go one-on-one.

@CMPunkSays Did John Morrison just activate Devil Trigger? #WWE

@KeepItFiveStar John Morrison’s traded in the Parkour for Hardcore! He is PISSED!

@Niki_Sushi No, it goes like this. ‘JoMo used DUCT TAPE! It’s SUPER EFFECTIVE!’ #BWF #RAW

@JRosz78 At least they didn’t give that crackhead R-Fail a mic to fuck up this week! #RAW #WWE #BWF

The co-star to Triple H in The Chaperone is here, Ariel Winter, I mean. She says that she’s excited to be in the ring on Monday Night RAW. Good for her. As we know, in The Chaperone, Triple H plays her father. Not only is tonight Valentine’s Day, but tonight is the night for the Khali Kiss Cam, and I think Cole reacted with my reaction. Ugh.

Khali says something and I heard Kiss Cam, and I think he said BLAH BLAH BLAH! Ranjin says that he said Welcome to a special Valentine’s Day Kiss Cam! For the first time ever, Khali won’t be kissing anyone, but everyone else, backstage or in the front, gets to kiss. Audience, audience, Santino and Tamina, (with the Cobra trying to kiss), then Vickie and Dolph (who looks disgusted), audience, Maryse and Ted (and Maryse totally says no and kisses Yoshi instead!), Zack and Regal (OMG REGAL KISSED HIM!), audience, Hornswoggle?! Horny comes out with chocolates for Ariel, which is cute. He gives her the box, and then goes to leave, but she kisses his cheek. He hugs her and lifts her, spinning her around. Ariel then totally loses the chocolates all over the ring.

Still to come, that stuff I said before was still to come.

Randy Orton is making his way to the ring!

@kickoutblog William Regal is so manly, he’s totally comfortable with kissing another man.

@KeepItFiveStar OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! YOSHI TATSU GET YOU SOME!!!

@HitTheRopes Ariel Winter’s jacket is cool. And she dances better than Khali, not that that is difficult.

@Niki_Sushi Regal is my damn hero. Not many men are comfortable enough with themselves to kiss another man. #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Awww. Chocolate botch! Mark Henry’s like “I’m on my way!” *Mark Henry runs to the ring with Ultimate Warrior like speed*

@FrankWWEClown Hornswoggle, that’s illegal. You have a full beard. That girl is like 10 years old. You little creep, you. #WWE #RAW

@HitTheRopes William Regal just wanted to get Zacked! @ZackRyder

@CMPunkSays REGAL! You cheeky bugger, you. #WWE

@kickoutblog Chris Hansen returns to Dateline NBC this week with “To Catch A Leprechaun”

@TKeep123 Next week Chaperone HHH shows up to kick the crap out of Hornswaggle for sleazing on his ‘daughter’… #WWE #RAW #BWF

@JRosz78 #RAW was goin so well then they throw this PG kid crap in there! SMH #RAW #BWF

Tonight’s order is screwing with me… Seriously… Shouldn’t the Wrestlemania guest host announcement come before this match? Aw, whatever.

King Sheamus vs Randy Orton

Orton comes out to the ring and looks over his shoulder, just in case.

Orton and Sheamus lock up, and trip over one another against the ropes. Orton backs up and Sheamus kicks him, hitting some hard hits before Whipping Orton, but Orton counters and takes Sheamus down before pounding on him and stomping on his head. He then goes to drop his knee on Sheamus, but Sheamus moves and hits him back, punching him in the head. Sheamus punches Orton, and Orton retaliates with a back breaker. Orton then drops the knee on Sheamus and goes for a cover, but Sheamus kicks out at two. Sheamus shoves Orton’s face into the turnbuckle, and then Sheamus takes Orton down with a clothesline. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Orton powers out. Sheamus steps on Orton’s chest before pushing Orton’s neck into the middle rope. Sheamus hits Orton’s chest with five or six hard forearms, and then drives his thigh into Orton’s face. Orton gets up and Sheamus swan dives into the ring and takes Orton down, going for a cover, but Orton kicks out at two. Sheamus goes for a submission, but Orton fights quickly to his feet, and Sheamus holds on, getting Orton back on the ring mat. Orton fights back up and fights out of the submission, delivering some head butts before getting kicked, but retaliating with two clotheslines and a scoop slam. He Whips Sheamus, and then kicks him in the chest, going for something, but Sheamus hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker, and Orton kicks out of the following cover at two. Sheamus punches him in the head and then puts him on the top rope. Orton takes a hit, and then Sheamus goes for the super plex, and Sheamus hits the super plex! Sheamus gets up, but Randy hits the RKO out of nowhere!

Randy Orton wins via pinfall.

Punk slides into the ring with the New Nexus right after Orton’s victory, and John Morrison comes out to help Orton, followed by R-Truth and finally John Cena. Randy RKOs Otunga, then McGuillicutty, and then attacks Ryan, before Cena and Randy both throw Ryan out, and Punk tries to get Randy in the Go to Sleep, but Randy counters and pushes Punk to Cena, who hits the Attitude Adjustment.

Backstage, a limo pulls up. The door opens, and heels are what come out of the limo.

@KeepItFiveStar Sheamus is like an RKO Magnet

@kickoutblog I actually think Sheamus and Orton have chemistry, they just haven’t found the right mixture yet. #SCIENCE

@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!

@ThingsColeSays TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES!

@Niki_Sushi I’m open to just about anyone, but if it’s Stephanie McMahon, I’m going to whip her with Cole’s tie.. using Daniel’s arms. #BWF #RAW

And the host of Wrestlemania 27 is…

IF YOU SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL!!!!!!!!

The Rock has finally returned to the WWE, and what a way to do it! He gets an absolutely astounding pop, so much so that I actually turned down my TV a little to try to save my head from exploding. Then again, it already hurts, so… yeah.

Silence, jabronis! The Rock has a microphone!

Rock goes to speak, but they start cheering him again.

Rock says after seven long years, finally, finally, finally the Rock has come back to Anaheim! Which means, finally, the Rock has come back to Monday Night RAW! Which means, finally, the Rock has come back home. Before The Rock gets into that, before we electrify, before we turn this out tonight, for those of you who don’t know, the Rock has many nicknames: The Great One, The Most Electrifying Man in All of Entertainment, The People’s Champion. But he wants to tell us something that’s important right now, as Dwayne. It’s been a long time since he’s been back. Seven years, to be exact. But he wants to take this moment, in the middle of this ring, to tell us why he’s back. It’s not because of the money, it’s not to promote a movie, he is back in the middle of this ring, because of us, the WWE Universe. When he left the WWE seven years ago, he dreamed big, and we dreamed big with him, and we helped him to do that because we never left his side. And he wants to take a moment to tell everyone here, millions watching around the world, thank you, he loves us, and it is because of us that he is back, and it is because of us, and he gives us his word, that he is never ever going away. Simply put, the Rock is back. He’s back because he wanted to do something unprecedented, host Wrestlemania! So it happened, Rock called Mr. McMahon. McMahon knew why he was caling, there was only one man electrifying enough, who can captivate the world, Rock, that man can only be, Justin Beiber-?! But Rock told Vince, no no no nononono. The Rock knows Justin, he’s cool, but make no mistake about it, there’s only one man capable enough host Wrestlemania, The ROCK! I forgot how fast this man talks. The Rock is going to Wrestlemania, is hosting Wrestlemania, and at the drop of a dime, the Rock with Layeth the Smackdown at Wrestlemania! But, to who? That’s the question. Could it be the WWE Champion, The Miz? Rock hears “I’m awesome” all the time. If you gotta run around telling everyone how awesome you are, it means you completely suck. But, there’s one more man, who the Rock wants to see, one more man the Rock is gonna see:

Cole says he has gotten an email, and Rock says WHOA! Rock says that if Cole takes one more step toward that computer, the Rock will slap the taste out of his mouth so hard he’ll never get it back. Does Cole think that Rock is going to let him interrupt Rock when he’s live on RAW? Does he actually think that anyone gives a damn what the General Manager has to say? Cole, is that what you think? Cole says – IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK! And what you do, Cole, is sit your ass down, take off your headset and don’t say a word. And Rock Quotes: “Know your damn role and shut your damn mouth.” Cause if he doesn’t, Rock will post some cool pictures on the Rock’s FaceBook. Facebook.com/DwayneJohnson. If Cole does it, Rock will step out of that ring, go over to the computer, shine it up nice, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up Michael Cole’s candy ass! Rock calls him a drunk hobbit and tells him to sit down.

Cole is pouting. It’s epic.

There is one man who the Rock is going to see, one man who the Rock has to see face-to-face. A guy who he met and thought was a cool guy, wished him well, happy for his success, and when the Rock leaves, he starts talking trash about the Rock. Rock doesn’t know and doesn’t care, and that’s John Cena. So, let Rock get this straight: The WWE has gone from the powerful Austin 3:16 to the Dominant and Iconic Can You Smell What the Rock is Cookin’, to… you can’t see me? What, are you playing Peek-a-boo? Believe Rock, we can all see you. A blindfolded, sleeping, stuck-in-the-basement Stevie Wonder can see your ass. How the hell do you think we can miss? Bright ass purple, green, orange shirt, lookin like a big fat bowl of Fruity Pebbles. Cena, Rock will see you at Wrestlemania. Just like the Rock will see Miz, and just like he will see everyone, and just as sure as the Rock turns Wrestlemania into the most epic Wrestlemania ever, and just as sure as Rock guarantees that he’ll show he’s the most electric man in entertainment, layeth the Smackdown at any moment, the Rock and the millions, and the millions, and the millions of the Rock’s fans go to Wrestlemania and electrify, if you smell-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l what the Rock….

….

…

Is cookin.

Well. There’s RAW. While I’m very glad that Rock is back, I think that they should have cut his mic time in like… half. I’m exhausted. Anyway, excited for Wrestlemania now! See you all next week.

RAW 2.7.11

February 8, 2011 3:07 pm 2 Comments

Hello everyone! I know RAW is a little late today, but last night was full of internet frustrations and homework. So, that’s why it’s up now, and that’s why it’s shorter than usual. As you can see, I did still track Tweets for this review, so, yeah. Here we go!

Look busy! The boss is comin’!

I actually missed having the opportunity to say that. I missed Mr. McMahon. He comes out onto the stage and says that now that the SuperBowl is over, there’s one thing left that supersedes the SuperBowl, that has more grandeur, more excitement- Wrestlemania! Each year, something special separates one Wrestlemania from all the others. Next week, we’ll be introduced to a man who embodies that. No one has hosted an event in front of 75,000 people before, not at the Grammys or anywhere else! Next week, we’ll meet the guest host for Wrestlemania 27!

I hear voices in my head…

As Randy makes his way down to the ring, Vince heads out.

Randy comes out and says that if Punk thinks they’re even, he’s delusional. Orton is only JUST getting started, and it’s going to cost Punk a helluva lot more than just Harris. He starts to go on, but Punk interrupts. Punk sits on the stage and says he’s surprised they agree: it’s not over by a long shot. And, because he knows Randy is dying to know, Punk tells us the reason he cost Randy Orton the WWE Championship at the Royal Rumble:

Punk says that now Randy knows why. Randy really doesn’t care about anyone but himself, and that night, CM Punk had to forfeit the title. Punk hasn’t forgotten and has waited this long. The difference between their actions is that Punk’s are defensible. As long as they’re on the same show, Punk vows that Randy Orton with never be WWE Champion again. Punk says that he’s not going to wait until the Elimination Chamber; he’s going to eliminate Randy Orton right now.

The New Nexus comes to the ring and attacks Orton, who fights back for a while before the numbers game becomes too much. Punk gets in Randy’s face, and Randy manages to get a good solid hit on Punk’s nose. So solid, in fact, that Punk starts pouring blood. Nexus gets Orton still, however, and lifts him up on Punk’s shoulders, and Punk hits the Go to Sleep.

@seraphalexiel Strangely enough, it looks like if Mason Ryan, Otunga, and Mike McGuillicutty all went to school with Punk, they’d bully the shit out of him

@ThingsColeSays Punk is bleeding! Stop the segment!

@Niki_Sushi Punk should be thanking Randy. He’s the one that was breathing Hasky’s ass at the Rumble. #BWF #RAW

@Rack_Flair Vince got out of a coma yesterday to catch the Superbowl #wwe #raw

@TKeep123 Vince McMahon out to save the #RAW ratings…….and hype #WrestleMania !!!! #RAW #WWE #BWF

@CMPunkSays In case you wonder what I think of Punk’s tactic of making #WWE’s top faces look like total pricks… I FUCKING LOVE IT.

@JonHexLives Wow. CM Punk has legit beef with Randy Orton. That’s hilarious. #WWE #RAW #BWF

During the commercial, we learn that the RAW General Manager has put the members of the New Nexus in action against each of the members of RAW’s Elimination Chamber match, which will come to a head tonight when John Cena faces off against CM Punk.

Mason Ryan vs R-Truth

Truth comes out and says Green Bay, Wisconsin instead of Milwaukee, and the Milwaukee crowd lets him know that he fucked it up, via a Milwaukee chant. Ryan basically latches onto a knee and starts targeting that before be puts Truth in a submission that Truth taps out of rather quickly.

Mason Ryan wins via submission.

However, after the match, Mason Ryan doesn’t let go right away. He continues to hold it, and then gets out to grab a chair. The ref stops him, so Ryan just puts him back in the submission. However, the ref has seen enough, and reverses his decision.

R-Truth wins via disqualification.

Later on tonight, John Cena will take on CM Punk, and the WWE Champion The Miz wants to say a congratulations to the Number One Contender for the WWE Championship at Elimination Chamber, Jerry “The King” Lawler!

@ThingsColeSays BLACKEYEDPEASSUCKEDLASTNIGHT WHAT’S UP? RIPMYHEADOFF STAND UP AND SAY WHAT’S UP. WHAT’S UP? WHAT’S UP?

@HitTheRopes I’m going to have FAITH and hope that Mason Ryan destroys R-Truth as much as Truth destroys the English language. #WWE

@KeepItFiveStar LMAO!! MILWAUKEE IS OFFICIALLY MY FAVORITE CROWD! What a mistake by R-Truth! How dare he hurt that crowd’s feelings

@CMPunkSays Holy crap, that’s a BROCK LOCK! #WWE

@kickoutblog Oh R-Truth, you can’t screw the cheap city pop, especially when it’s Milwaukee, which is an Indian word meaning “The Good Land.”

@TKeep123 Mason Ryan needs an “I am NOT Batista” t-shirt ! #RAW #WWE #BWF

Punk, Otunga, and McGuillicutty are backstage, and Punk is pacing, holding a towel up to his bloodied nose. Mason Ryan joins them backstage and Punk looks upset before he gives Ryan a ‘Well done’. He says that tonight, he doesn’t care if they win or if they lose, so long as they hurt people. He wants all of his Elimination Chamber opponents hurt so that he can have the advantage. R-Truth and Randy Orton are already hurt. Ryan says something in Arabic before saying two down, three to go. Otunga worries about taking out Sheamus, but Punk says that he always has a plan.

WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Tamina vs Melina, Nikki, and Brie Bella

Natalya’s ringside for commentary, and says that next week, she’s going to get her rematch against Eve for the Diva’s Championship. Her constant bickering with Cole was more annoying than anything else. As for the action in the ring, the early momentum went to Melina and the Bellas, but Tamina cleaned house of the Bellas and Eve pinned Melina for the win.

WWE Diva’s Champion Eve Torres, Gail Kim, and Tamina win via pinfall.

@TKeep123 Gail Kim in a match? Hell must be freezing over…. #RAW #WWE #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar Also this is Gail Kim’s third consecutive week on RAW. Tamina – 4. Bare feet- 39. And Eve is still a dude.

@Niki_Sushi Damn it all. Tonight can only get worse if Daniel shows up. #BWF #RAW #knockonwood

@WWE_Creative Thanks @NatbyNature for burying Just For Men while mocking MIchael Cole. It’s not like they’re our SPONSOR or anything. #RAWTonight

@JonHexLives Is that white gold, Michael Cole? #Divaschampionship #WWE #RAW #BWF

John Morrison makes his way to the ring.

@dasharpshooters When WWE uses a Johnny Cash song in their video, you know its serious. 2-21-11 is gonna be huge. #wwe #raw

@kickoutblog I predict we’ll see that Elimination Chamber hype vid about 437 times between now and Feb. 20

@TKeep123 Ain’t No Grave “Gonna Hold This Body Down” by Johnny Cash … nice touch to the #WWE 2-21-11 promo… #RAW #WWE #BWF

John Morrison vs Michael McGuillicutty

McGuillicutty tries to send his focus to Morrison’s arm, holding it out of the ring and about to crush it between the ring and the steel steps, but Morrison moves it out of the way before he can. Morrison picks up the pace of the match, and McGuillicutty literally walks right into a flash kick. Morrison hits Starship Pain (and doesn’t miss it this time) for the win.

John Morrison wins via pinfall.

It starts to look like Morrison’s going to be uninjured, but Punk comes down as Morrison is celebrating and pulls a Maryse, spraying Mickie Morrison in the face with something before kicking him in the head.

@Niki_Sushi Did Punk just pull a Maryse there?! #BWF #RAW

@CMPunkSays HA HA NOW YOU’RE BLIND #WWE

@KeepItFiveStar OH NO! ANTI-PARKOUR SPRAY! Damn you Punk!

@lovehateRIOT i’m pretty sure that punk just used jomo’s own hairspray on him. rofl #raw

AWESOME!

Miz comes out with Alex Riley in tow. He says that as he watched the RAW Rumble last week, one thought was going through his mind: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! He says he was pulling for King the whole time. He asks King to join him in the ring and tells Riley to get out so that King doesn’t feel uncomfortable. King enters the ring, and Miz asks if King has any idea why he was rooting for him. King says that he figures it’s because Miz thinks he’s the weakest. Miz says that’s not it at all, and he could have beaten anyone who won the RAW Rumble for the WWE Championship. No, the reason he was rooting for King is because he feels that they’re mirror images of one another. King had the biggest mouth and the power to incite riots with just his words. People would listen when King spoke. Miz says that, in a way, he patterned his career after King’s, and now everyone’s wondering what he will do next. King says that first of all, they aren’t mirror images of one another and says something about how he wouldn’t want to look in the mirror every morning and see his haircut like Miz’s. He then says that he’s always had a big mouth, but he can back it up. He says that if Miz thinks he’s a modern King, he doesn’t know King as well as he thinks he does, and that King didn’t pattern his career after anyone: He’s an original. Miz then calls him an original cheap shot artist.

Miz says that that was equivalent to a sucker punch. King says that he thinks that Miz is a sucker, and that he speaks for the entire WWE Universe, both in Milwaukee and all over, when he says the Miz sucks (oh, but I disagree, sir!). King says that Miz is right: he’s never been WWE Champion or been to Wrestlemania. No one has any idea what it would mean to him to do both, and that it was his lifelong dream. King says that he will win at the Elimination Chamber, and he will say he’s going to Wrestlemania. Miz says that he’s wrong, and after their match at the Elimination Chamber match, the whole world will hear, “I’m the Miz, and I’m-“ But King interrupts and starts up an ‘awful’ chant.

Miz, Alex Riley, and King all start to brawl. When it looks like King has the upper hand, Ted DiBiase comes out to help Miz out, but Daniel Bryan comes out to join the fray to help King out.

“King and Bryan versus Miz and DiBiase NOW.”

WWE Champion The Miz and Ted DiBiase vs Jerry “The King” Lawler and the United States Champion Daniel Bryan

Is it just me, or has Bryan not been wearing the US Championship lately?

Ted and Bryan start out, and Bryan starts with some hard kicks. He gets DiBiase in a pin, but DiBiase kicks out, only for Bryan to do it again. DiBiase kicks out again and King is tagged in. Miz comes in and is thrown back to the mat a few times before Miz throws King out of the ring. While Bryan is distracting the ref, DiBiase comes out and attacks King outside the ring.

@Niki_Sushi DAMMIT! I JINXED MYSELF! S RATJLABEJKLNBSRZG;LAEORJIA;EJHBP3O4UART;GLJLBTS GO AWAY DANIEL! #BWF #RAW

@Lunna1969 Bad Teddy! Go to my room!

@KeepItFiveStar Ted DiBiase with revenge #ForTheFuture !

@KeepItFiveStar Yes. The Miz is awful. AWFULLY GOOD at being AWESOME!

@kickoutblog The Miz is killing it, would be nice if he hit Lawler with a Piledriver at Elimination Chamber, just to really sell the “mirror image” idea.

Maryse is ringside now, and Alex Riley has been on commentary since the match started.

Bryan is in with Miz when we come back, and Bryan dominates. Ted helps Miz out and Miz turns the momentum in his favor. Miz hits the swinging corner clothesline before going and tagging DiBiase in. Bryan fights back, but DiBiase goes for a cover, only for Bryan to kick out. DiBiase gets the momentum before tagging Miz in. Miz trash talks Bryan, who takes advantage, and tags King in. Miz tags in DiBiase, only for King to get momentum. King hits what I think was a DDT. Miz breaks up the cover, and Bryan attacks him to get him out of the ring. DiBiase starts to get some momentum on King, but King gets him down, lowers the strap, and punches him straight in the face.

United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.

Alex Riley vows that he will not let The Miz lose at Elimination Chamber.

@KeepItFiveStar Hey Maryse showed up! Gail did not. She’s being stomped out by The Bellas somewhere

@HitTheRopes I would feel bad about DiBiase always losing but he comes down to the ring with Maryse at his side.

Sheamus vs David Otunga

Before Sheamus can make it all the way down to the ring, Josh Matthews follows him and asks for his opinion on Mark Henry’s comments. Sheamus asks what comments, and Josh says that Mark Henry said that Sheamus didn’t deserve to be in the Elimination Chamber match, and Mark Henry should replace him. Sheamus says that Mark Henry never won, doesn’t know if he can fit, and that Mark Henry should shut his mouth before Sheamus shuts it for him.

Otunga makes his way to the ring for the ma-

Mark Henry makes his way out and is pissed. He had Sheamus duke it out for a bit, with Otunga watching, before Otunga tries to get up on the top turnbuckle to do something, only for Sheamus to send him outside the ring. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick, and is rewarded with two World’s Strongest Slams right in a row. Mark Henry yells at him to shut his trap before leaving. Otunga crawls in the ring and stands over Sheamus like he actually did something.

Ricardo Rodriguez introduces Alberto del Rio.

@HitTheRopes Mark Henry wasn’t about to lose that brawl during Black History Month. Not to the well-tanned Sheamus. Otunga stands tall too.

@TKeep123 I didn’t think Sheamus could look any whiter…but now as he stands next to Mark Henry….I was wrong. #RAW #WWE #BWF

@ThingsColeSays SHEAMUS = BURIED

@KeepItFiveStar Wow. The crowd has gone mild for this one. They’re still mad at R-Truth for fuckin Milwaukee and they’re taking it out on all black people

@Niki_Sushi Dark Chocolate, interrupts Milk Chocolate to kill White Chocolate. It’s not Valentine’s Day yet. #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog Sheamus getting punked by Henry was incredibly stupid.

@kickoutblog All that did was make Sheamus, ya know, the guy who’s actually IN the Chamber, look bad.

Alberto del Rio tells us his name is Alberto del Rio!… but we already knew that. He says that Santino Marella really thinks that he almost got del Rio. It was del Rio’s destiny to win the Royal Rumble, just like it’s his destiny to be the next World Heavyweight Champion at Wrestlemania.

Santino Marella vs Alberto del Rio

Santino gets fired up before the match even starts and throws del Rio out of the ring. Del Rio gets back in the ring, and the ref starts the match. Del Rio tries to do something to Santino, but Santino moves last second and del Rio is sent between the top and middle ropes. The match continues on, and Santino nearly hits the Cobra, but del Rio ducks it, focuses on the arm, and then locks in the cross arm breaker for the win.

Alberto del Rio wins via submission.

@KeepItFiveStar LOL I love that. “My name…My name is Alberto Del RRRRRRRRRIOOOOOOOOOOOO >.< OOOOOOOOO!!! 😀 “

@kickoutblog Alberto Del Rio vs. Santino Marella, even more logical storytelling from WWE tonight… but you already knew that!

@StrikerSays You know, @RRWWE didn’t seem quite as EXCITED for that win as he usually does. Then again, his Royal Rumble performance set the bar HIGH.

Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler come out, and Vickie says that she has something to say: in two weeks, Dolph will not be in the Smackdown Elimination Chamber match as a challenger, but as the new World Heavyweight Champion. She knows for a fact because Dolph will beat Edge-

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR CLEAN YOUR SHOES!

One of them asks what Cena’s doing out there, and Cena responds that he’s putting a stop to this, because it’s more offensive than Christina Aguilera butchering the National Anthem at the SuperBowl, and then says he’s just kidding. He says that he’s come to apologize for Truth, who may have celebrated a little too long and thinks he’s still in Green Bay, but they’re in Milwaukee, in case you didn’t know from Cole shouting it like his brain was going to explode earlier. And, also because the last time the three of them were in the ring together, it was awesome. He says that he and Vickie had a sweet… sexy, passionate make out session, and then says, “You remember, Dolph. You were there and cool with it.” Vickie says that this is not how you respect that acting General Manager of Smackdown and if they don’t show her some respect, she’ll leave. So, they don’t show her respect, and she leaves. Cena then basically says that he will kick Punk’s Elimination Chamber in the Elimination Chamber and Elimination Chamber a bunch more times.

@KeepItFiveStar Don’t apologize on behalf of Truth! Are you serious? If anyone else did that, they’d either be released or depushed immediately.

@HitTheRopes Wonder if Cena will apologize for Truth just being a sad example for us blacks? #wwe

@Niki_Sushi ‘I’ll kick his elimination chamber’ – that sounds SO damn dirty. I twitched, for real. #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog See, it is possible to have an awesome segment, teasing Vickie Guerrero, without calling her fat.

CM Punk vs John Cena

Punk and Cena go at it for a while, with Cena repeatedly looking toward the ramp for the interference for New Nexus. Apparently, he gets sick of waiting, and low-blows Punk to get himself disqualified.

CM Punk wins via disqualification.

The New Nexus makes their way down the ring, and Mason Ryan stops by CM Punk, who is outside the ring. McGuillicutty and Otunga stand in the ring with Cena before they attack him, but King gets up and gives Cena a chair. Cena then proceeds to clean the ring out, and Nexus backs away.

So, it wasn’t the most impressive RAW ever for me, but there you have it. I admit that I kind of lost interest toward the end there, so I’m not 100% sure what exactly happened. Hopefully, next week will be more interesting!

RAW 1.31.11

January 31, 2011 11:24 pm 5 Comments

Hello everyone, and welcome to coverage of the longest running weekly e-Nevermind. I wanted to sound all epic, but the voice in my head was Cole’s, and now I need brain bleach. Oh, and if you are on Twitter, @Niki_Sushi is a liar. Just so you all know. *wink!*

Anyway, this is an exciting RAW (I hope!) because it’s the RAW after the Royal Rumble! Who outlasted thirty-nine other men to be the winner of the first ever Forty Man Royal Rumble match?! And who walked out of the Royal Rumble WWE Champion? All those answers, and more, to come right now!

Tonight, we will have another Champion vs Champion match between World Heavyweight Champion Edge and WWE Champion, The Miz!

We start out RAW with Ricardo Rodriguez announcing Alberto del Rio. I believe he says something about a mariachi performance in celebration of Alberto del Rio’s victory. And that’s what happens. Ricardo leads them to the ring. Wait, is the mariachi band playing Alberto’s theme song? That’s great.

Rio takes the mic, silences the mariachi band, and says that his name is Alberto del Riooooooo!… but you already know that. You people never, never listen. He told us that it was his destiny to win the Royal Rumble, but we didn’t listen. That’s our problem. We never listen. (as the crowd yells What?) Tonight, we are going to celebrate Alberto del Rio. He’s going to headline Wrestlemania! Even if we don’t’ deserve it, because it’s a blue collar town, he hired the best mariachi in Mexico. This mariachi only plays for the Mexican president and Rio. This is not Justin Bieber’s music, this is real music. I concur. Anyway, he has something else really important to tell us: As the winner of the Royal Rumble, he can choose who he’s going to face at Wrestlemania: WWE Champion or the World Heavyweight Champion, and he has made his decision. And he’s going to tell us right now! The championship he will be going after at Wrestlemania will be the-

AWESOME!

WWE Champion The Miz comes out, Alex Riley in toe.

Miz says before Alberto makes his decision, he wants to say congratulations. Him winning the biggest Royal Rumble in the history, is impressive. Almost as impressive as The Miz’s winning against Randy three times after winning Money in the Bank. He just hopes that Rio chooses to face him. Miz says make no mistake about it, he’ll be the WWE Champion by the time Wrestlemania comes around. He can’t say the same about Edge, because he’s going to lose it at the Elimination Chamber. Last night, Miz saw Edge celebrating. He told everyone who would listen that he was going to embarrass Rio at Wrestlemania and mocking his accent, and his tie. Edge even said that Rio’s cars are all rental. Miz says that if he doesn’t believe Miz, he can ask Riley. Riley said that he gives Rio his word: Edge said he has no respect for a second-rate JBL meets Tito Santana.

Rio takes the mic and says that he knows Miz, and to him, this is a ploy to make him choose Edge instead of Miz. Is Miz lying to him? Miz says really? Really? Really? Listen, he took out Edge’s little buddy Christian. Edge is threatened, doesn’t like, and doesn’t respect Rio. He just thought he’d tell Rio the truth about Edge, talking behind his back.

You think you know me…

As Edge gets in, he plays one of the mariachi trumpets, and the guy laughs.

Edge says Alberto, Miz is right. He’s absolutely right. He doesn’t like or respect Rio. But, he’s wrong about one thing. He wouldn’t say those things behind his back, he’d come out and say them to his face. See, Edge will be champion at Wrestlemania, and if Rio chooses to face him, he will beat him. He will because he’s the Rrrrrated R Superstarrrr. But, you already knew that, didn’t you?

Rio says that the only think he knows is that it is his destiny to be the greatest of the great and at Wrestlemania he will be the new World Heavyweight Champion. Edge says congratulations, and to take this with you. He then hits Rio, and looks at Miz, who leaves the ring with the mariachi, who are not going to lose their instruments. Rio comes back and kicks Edge before grabbing a guitar, which he then breaks on Edge’s back, before locking in the cross-arm breaker. Edge appears to be tapping, but there’s no ref, no match, and Alberto finally lets go.

Ha. The mariachi were playing his theme!! I’m like… 95% sure.

Coming up, Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov will take on Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty for the WWE Tag Team Championships.

@Niki_Sushi OKay. Del Rio dissed the Biebtard. He’s not as obnoxious in my mind now. #BWF #RAW

@JonHexLives I kind of want to see The Miz vs, Alberto Del Rio in a faux hawk throwdown. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@seraphalexiel Alberto will be pissed if Edge loses the belt at the Elimination Chamber…..

@CMPunkSays Del Rio: “You never listen!” Crowd: “WHAT?!” #CantMakeThisShitUp #WWE

@StrikerSays LOLOLOL, “Alberto Pendejo” sign! I like that they are in RI, so obviously the arena staff didn’t know what it meant, and didn’t confiscate.

“Tonight, for the first time ever, we’re going to have a RAW Rumble match. Seven Superstars will participate. T he winner of the RAW Rumble match, will go on to face the WWE Champion at the Elimination Chamber PPV. The remaining six will be in the Elimination Chamber itself. The participates in the RAW Rumble match are Randy Orton, CM Punk, John Morrison, R-Truth, Sheamus, Jerry “The King” Lawler, and John Cena.”

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina vs Husky Harris and Michael McGuillicutty for the WWE Tag Team Championships

Marella and McGuillicutty start out, and Santino gets McGuillicutty on the ground before locking in a headlock on McGuillicutty, who runs him into the corner. Santino lets go, but McGuillicutty hits him with a couple of punches and a kick before being forced off by the ref. He then runs to jump on Santino, but Santino move sand tags in Kozlov. Kozlov powers McGuillicutty right into the corner, hitting him with some hard shoulders, before McGuillicutty goes after his knee then kicks him in the head. McGuillicutty keeps him on the ropes before tagging Harris in. Harris keeps him in the corner, then Kozlov pushes him off before Kozlov gets him down and goes for a cover, but Harris kicks out. Kozlov powers Harris over to his own corner and tags in Santino. Santino does something, but Harris shoves him across the ring and then kicks him. Harris then spends his time getting Santino up, and Santino tries to Whip him, but Husky counters, and meets Santino’s offense with a shoulder. Harris shoves Santino in the corner, tags in McGuillicutty, and then throws McGuillicutty into Santino, followed by Harris. McGuillicutty goes for a cover, but Santino kicks out. Something happens, but the replay is too big-there we go. McGuillicutty hits a neckbreaker and goes for a cover, but Santino kicks out at two. Santino is thrown out by McGuillicutty, and Tamina goes over to check on him.

@TKeep123 YES! Jerry The King Lawler…one more time in the Raw Rumble! …but how did R-Truth get on that list? #RAW #WWE #BWF

@CMPunkSays By the way, you are now imagining Jerry Lawler in the Elimination Chamber. #WWE

@HitTheRopes R-Truth? What the phuck? It doesn’t need to be an equal opportunity chamber! #wwe

@KeepItFiveStar R-TRUTH?! R-TRUTH!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! HE HASN’T WON A MATCH IN LIKE A MONTH!

@Niki_Sushi ‘Ruthless’ is glitterfied on McGillicutty’s ass. I can no longer take him seriously. #BWF #RAW

We come back to McGuillicutty trying to pin Santino for the cover. McGuillicutty has Santino in a headlock across the ring from Kozlov, and Santino fights to get to Kozlov, but McGuillicutty is trying to keep him back. They both get to their feet, but McGuillicutty hits a hard forearm on Santino. McGuillicutty tries to hit Kozlov, but Kozlov hits back, and Santino gets a hit on McGuillicutty. Harris and Kozlov are tagged in and Kozlov dominates Harris, going for a cover until McGuillicutty breaks it up. McGuillicutty this a missile dropkick and Santino tags himself in, sending McGuillicutty over the top rope. Santino then hits the Cobra on Harris and pins him for the win.

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov win via pinfall.

After the match, Randy runs down the ramp out of nowhere and RKOs McGuillicutty and Harris for costing him the title last night. He looks up toward the ramp before walking around inside the ring and facing the ramp. Orton looks off to the side and takes a moment to glare at the crowd before looking at Harris’ unconscious body. He looks down at Harris and backs away, standing in the corner, watching Harris, setting up for the punt.

CM Punk, however, interrupts.

He tells Randy not to do that as he, Otunga, and Mason Ryan come out. Punk tells him again not to do it. Punk says that Orton doesn’t want to do this, nothing he wants to be a part of. It’s nothing he would do. Punk asks if he has to say please, and Randy look like he could care less if Punk says please. Punk says he’s not going to beg, but take some advice, for once in his life: Don’t do it. If Orton kicks Harris in the skull, there will be serious consequences and repercussions. Orton really doesn’t look like he cares, and Harris is teasing us about getting the fuck up. Randy stops, however, and looks back at Punk. He then moves out of that position, hangs his head, and looks back at Punk. He looks to the crowd, who cheers (sick bastards), and then back at Harris, and then the other side of the arena, then back at Punk. He smirks, laughs, drops it, and then drops back in the corner, punting Harris in the skull.

Punk, Otunga, and Ryan all take off after him, but Randy slithers on out, running through the crowd and up to the top, rather nicely silhouetted against the darkness there. There is a staring match between Punk and Orton now, as Orton’s music plays.

@TKeep123 Randy won’t cave to an implied threat from CM Punk! Don’t worry, Mulligans have HARD heads! #RAW #WWE #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar Why can’t Randy Orton just talk it out with people? It’s always RKOs with him

@CMPunkSays NOT Have you ever herped a derp so hard that you jobbed to the Cobra? #WWE

@ForrestFuller Why not punt Micheal Cole instead of Husky Harris #WWE #RAW #BWF

Ted DiBiase is joined by Maryse, still, and has a mic. This’ll be good.

Ted says that it doesn’t thrill him to say it, but King’s career is over. And his, his is just getting started. King doesn’t need any more opportunities. It’s time for guys like him to step aside for the future. So, why doesn’t he do the right thing, for the future, and give him his spot for tonight’s RAW Rumble? King takes off his headset and grabs a mic, but Cole snatches it. Cole says he’ll handle it. Cole then says that Ted is being disrespectful. Has Ted ever met King? He’s a legend, a Hall of Famer. He’s heard of the Showstopper, right? King is the Scene Stealer. There’s no way that he’s going to let his selfish, narcissistic ego take himself out of the match to give it to DiBiase. It won’t happen. King takes the mic and says he’s gonna tell both of them something: he’ snot giving his spot up in the RAW Rumble to anybody. His Road to Wrestlemania has always been under construction. He’s been in the WWE 18 years, and he’s never been to Wrestlemania. And, as far as he’s concerned, his Road to Wrestlemania starts tonight, and if it wasn’t for Cole, he may be WWE Champion right now. He knows he can beat the Miz, and he’s gonna be in the RAW Rumble, and he’s gonna win it. Ted then hits King and moves with Maryse. King then follows Teddy, but Ted moves Maryse in front of him, preventing King from hitting Ted. Maryse, on the other hand, is not amused. Ted can’t think of a good enough excuse, so Maryse slaps him. Then, King punches Ted. Poor DiBiase’s having a bad night… And Cole now lectures King, and King says he’s about to shove his fist so far down Cole’s throat they’ll be afraid to remove it. He’s beginning to not care if he gets fired…

Later on tonight, The Miz will take on Edge!

@KeepItFiveStar Maryse with the Princess Peach slap then Jerry Lawler with the Falcon Punch! Ted DiBiase just got Melee’d!

@TKeep123 Love me some Maryse! Looking even HOTTER, if that’s possible!! #RAW #WWE #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar Even R-Truth’s photo looks like he doesn’t belong in the RAW Rumble. It’s like “Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Lawler, I guess. And REALLY??”

@kickoutblog FALCON PAAAWWWWNNNNNCH!

United States Champion Daniel Bryan vs Tyson Kidd

The Bellas are talking, but I don’t’ care. Bryan and Kidd are fighting, Gail ringside, and Kidd gets a good early advantage. Does anyone remember when he had that big guy? Me neither. Kidd goes for a quick cover, but Bryan kicks out two. Kidd puts Bryan in a headlock, but Bryan shoves him off and does a lot of really fancy things. Bryan delivers some hard hits to Kidd, and the camera keeps going to the FUCKING BELLAS, Kidd does some stuff, Bryan tries to lock in the LaBell lock, does, and Kidd taps out.

United States Champion Daniel Bryan wins via pinfall.

Gail hugs Bryan and joins him in his celebration before the Bellas climb into the ring. One of them hits Bryan, Gail shoves her, and insert the same freaking cat fight we’ve seen for too long already. It takes two refs holding the Bellas, and Bryan holding Gail to break it up.

Up next, The Miz and Edge will go one on one!

@CMPunkSays IT’S LIKE I’M REALLY WATCHING MEAN GIRLS #WWE

@Niki_Sushi I think Gail just ripped out some extensions and killed a bird. #BWF #RAW #justoneleft

@kickoutblog I already love 2.21.11, WWE hasn’t done anything like this since Jericho’s return.

@redsandman99 How can anyone blame Daniel Bryan for choosing Gail over the Bellas. I’d punt those bitches Orton style for her

I saw people in the front row with four signs spelling out AWESOME. Loved it.

WWE Champion The Miz with Alex Riley vs World Heavyweight Champion Edge

Miz and Edge lock up, and shove one another away. Then they lock up again, and Edge locks Miz in a headlock, but Miz fights out and gets an elbow to the face, followed by one by the back of the head. Edge Whips Miz, but Miz counters and Edge counters with a neckbreaker. Edge goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out. Edge beats Miz into a corner and hits him a few times. The replay is starting to piss me off. Edge has an advantage over Miz, pulling him in a headlock between the ropes. Edge Whips Miz, who is pulled out of the ring by Riley. Edge grabs him, but Miz drops Edge’s shoulder onto the top rope. He pulls Edge out of the ring and sends him into the steel steps. Miz pulls Edge to his feet and throws him back in the ring, going for a cover. Edge kicks out at two. Miz plants his knee in Edge’s spine before twisting himself around Edge and putting his injured arm in a submission. Edge fights to his feet and punches Miz in the head, but Miz drops down, essentially giving Edge’s arm a stunner before going for a cover, but Edge kicks out. Miz then puts Edge’s shoulder through the ropes, and Riley punches Edge. Miz goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out, so Miz returns to a submission on Edge’s shoulder. Edge fights to his feet, and punches Miz a few times, but Miz puts his knee in Edge’s stomach. Edge returns the favor by putting his heel in Miz’ jaw. Edge then starts to do something, but Miz counters, dropping Edge to the mat, and returning to the submission on Edge’s shoulder. Edge fights to the bottom rope.

Space! Miz goes to hit Edge, but Edge fights back and tries to steal a victory, but Miz fights out. Edge and Miz meet, and then Miz goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out. Miz sends Edge’s arm right back to the mat, then puts his knee in Edge’s shoulder and stretches the arm out. Edge fights out of it, and Whips Miz, but Miz kicks Edge, and then the two kick one another in the face. The ref begins his count. Miz is up to his feet, as is Edge at eight. Miz runs for Edge, but Edge drops him on his face. Edge then drops Miz again, and Edge goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out. Edge kicks Miz in the stomach and then Whips him, but Miz counters,. Edge goes for another cover, but Edge kicks out, and then Miz kicks Edge in the face, goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out. Miz gets on the apron and climbs up on the top rope, standing up and dropping down, only to get a boot to the stomach. Edge then drops Miz on his face. Edge backs up into the opposite corner, setting up for the Spear. Miz gets up to his feet, and Edge tries for the Spear, but Miz sends him into the post.

John Cena says that Miz can do it and says there’s a party, and that they’re just cheering for him. Miz starts to talk to him, and Cena gets the arena doing a Miz is Awful chant, before Edge Spears Miz.

World Heavyweight Champion Edge wins via pinfall.

@CMPunkSays FALL IN A HOLE, CENA. A DEEP HOLE. A HOLE THAT REACHES THE EARTH’S CORE. #WWE

@bethsharae Stupid Cena…you got the chant wrong. It’s Miz is Awesome! #Raw

@kickoutblog Once again, the “good guys” cheat to win. Edge with an illegal move and Cena interfered! Should be a DQ win for Miz!

Stone Cold Steve Austin will return to WWE to host Tough Enough in April!

I’m feeling like this is a Smackdown invasion again…

Vickie Guerrero comes out and says that while Edge may have won tonight, but his chances of winning Friday are next to impossible. Friday, the World Heavyweight Championship will be defended in a way that it never has been before, so please join them. Whatever. Oh, hell, it’s our Surprise Champion!

WWE Diva’s Champion Eve and Natalya vs LayCool

Really, Natalya? I wouldn’t have tagged with her. Tell her to find someone else. Oh, wait, there is no one else… For the first time ever, I’m so sick of Eve and Natalya, I want LayCool to win.

Natalya and McCool start out and Natalya goes for an early cover, followed by another, but McCool pulls out. Natalya keeps an advantage over McCool until McCool gets away and tags in Layla. Natalya walks toward Layla, who drops to the mat and curls up. Natalya touches her and she squirms. Natalya then picks her up and she gets onto her feet and pushes Natalya. Layla then runs over and attaches herself to McCool between the ropes, and turns around to get a kick from Natalya. Natalya suplexes her, and goes for the cover, but Layla kicks out. Natalya Whips Lay, and then Eve clotheslines her. Eve finally actually does something, and hits a handspring moonsault before going for a cover and Layla kicks out. Layla kicks Eve, and Eve runs her across the ring and onto the top turnbuckle. Natalya distracts the ref, and McCool kicks Eve. Layla hits the Face Lift off the turnbuckle and pins Eve for the win.

LayCool win via pinfall.

@TKeep123 Michelle’s boot seems to have knocked some accent BACK into Layla’s mouth! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi Goddamn you, RAW. I don’t want LayCool. I just want Lay. Cool can go hang out with Cole and Del Rio in the corner. #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog “Your big foot” = LOL

OH MAH GOODNESS! IT’S THE GIANT JOBBER SQUAD!

The Great Khali and Mark Henry vs. Jimmy and Jey Uso

Oh, well. No matter who wins, this is kind of humiliating… Josh Matthews has joined Michael Cole as King has gone to get ready for his match.

“As I see the Usos stand across the ring from the Great Khali and the WSM, let’s face it: they don’t have a chance. So, to give the Usos a more competitive advantage, I’ve decided to alter the contest, and these two teams will compete in a dance off. Each team will have the opportunity to strut their stuff, and you, the WWE Universe will have the chance to decide who is the winner. Gentlemen, let’s boogie, woogie, woogie.”

I hate. The. GM.

You know what? I started to review this. I don’t know why. But now, I have a headache. If the WWE Universe loves me, they will know that Khali and Henry can’t dance, and will accept that the Usos won. I hate this. I HATE THI-

That works. The Usos attack Khali and Henry, and then are met by a Punjabi Plunge and the World’s Strongest Slam, and Khali goes for a cover. Poor thing.

@StrikerSays Sorry Usos, apparently the Bellas are the only ones with “twin magic.”

@HitTheRopes Amazing that I was just defending Raw last night to someone who can’t stand WWE. Then we get a dance off. #LeSigh

@KeepItFiveStar When The Usos smiled you could tell they died on the inside

@FrankWWEClown I just threw up in my mouth watching Michael Cole dance. #WWE

@TKeep123 Mark Henry rocking the Bollywood Dance??? Kill me now. #RAW #WWE #BWF

@JonHexLives The Usos are straight jobbers now. #WWE #RAW #BWF

The Shack/rain/leather person promo for 2.21.11 plays again.

YAY RAW HATES ME!

RAW Rumble Match: Winner faces The Miz for the WWE Championship at Elimination Chamber, and the other Six will be in the RAW Elimination Chamber match.

When thrown over the top rope, and both feet touch the floor (MORRISON), you lose. I. Hate these kinds of things.

@seraphalexiel Kidnapping a wrestler’s loved one is apparently WWE films’ recipe for success

@kickoutblog What is WWE’s obsession with dancing? Just put Kozlov on Dancing With The Stars and be done with it.

@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!!

@HitTheRopes JoMo and the ‘E would have been SO pissed if one of them fans got their hand in the way during that spot last night

ENTRANT NUMBER – ENTRANT – ELIMINATED BY

1) John Morrison – Sheamus

2) Sheamus – King and John Cena

3) John Cena – King

4) CM Punk – Randy Orton

5) R-Truth – John Cena

6) Jerry “The King” Lawler – WINNER

7) Randy Orton – R-Truth

I can’t cover this very well, but I’ll give you the interesting stuff. JoMo and Sheamus give us pretty good one-on-one wrestling action, same as their matches, really. Sheamus hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker on JoMo and then freezes everything as Cena comes out.

Cena comes in, obviously furious about being eliminated last night and takes it out on Sheamus. Cena goes to hit an Attitude Adjustment, and Morrison manages to land on his feet instead of getting hit by it.

Punk gets in and immediately cleans house, taking on anyone and everyone who gets in his way. Punk and Morrison are clinging to the ropes like monkeys or something, but stay in.

Truth comes in and immediately takes on his “friend” Cena. What a shitty friend. I’m just saying. Truth and Morrison both nearly eliminate the other, but hang on, and Truth can’t get his black ass back in the ring. He finally does, nearly costing Sheamus his chance to beat the shit out of him.

Jerry runs out and Punk waited for him, and then King punches every-damn-body. Three of the four corners have people getting ready to be dumped out.

Punk runs out of the ring, under the bottom rope, when Randy hits the ring. Randy’s looking for him. And guesses where he is before getting into the ring, looking under the ring. He wants Punk. Orton grabs Punk’s ankle, yanks him out from under the ring and proceeds to beat the shit out of him. Punk gets into the ring and then Randy follows, and finally enters the RAW Rumble.

Punk was the first man eliminated, by Orton, followed right after by Orton, who was eliminated by Truth. Truth nearly got venom spit in his face.

@KeepItFiveStar That’s why R-Truth doesn’t deserved to be in the damn match. He almost got eliminated by the ropes. He probably thinks Parkour is a dance

@StrikerSays R-Truth doesn’t even RUN to the ring, he fucking SKIPS. He makes me want to punch unicorns.

@Niki_Sushi Sheamus has his hand ALL the way up John’s ass. Cole 2.0? #BWF #RAW

@TKeep123 Orton takes out Punk…and R-truth takes out Orton! Tooth is a dead man! :} #RAW #WWE #BWF

Good news is, no one else was eliminated during the commercial. Bad news is, I literally just saw King’s hands all over Truth’s ass. Ew.

King and Morrison are working together to try to get rid of Truth, but he won’t budge. Cena grabs Truth and Morrison on his shoulders and goes to eliminate them both, but only manages to eliminate Truth. Morrison gets Cena on the apron, and the two duke it out, both teetering on the edge. Sheamus runs over and tries to clothesline them both, but they move, and Sheamus holds on, and JoMo starts slapping his damn hands. Sheamus is responsible for Cena getting back in the ring.

Morrison pulls another shit-tacular Parkour move and he hooks his ankles in the bottom rope and keeps himself fin the match. Goes to eliminate Sheamus, but Sheamus catapults himself right onto Morrison.

Cena puts Sheamus in an STF, and Sheamus taps. Like a tard.

Morrison hits Starship Pain, and literally only hits Cena with one arm. What the fuck.

King throws Morrison out, but he keeps himself in by touching the floor with his hands only.

Morrison is out courtesy of a Brogue Kick from Sheamus. Thanks, Sheamus.

Sheamus throws King into Cena and eliminates Cena, and then Sheamus goes for a Brogue Kick, only for Cena and King to move the rope so that Sheamus eliminates himself.

Sorry folks, this is Kiharu (@Niki_Sushi) typing at you, because TheMizMagnet is spitting flames at this end. So this is me saying good night, and thanks for reading this review! Tune in next week for…well, more RAW.

@TheMizMagnet JSODGIJRPOWIGJPOIFJ PDOI APOI OSIDJFPOEWI POI A LVKJDPOI EW OAIJFDA OWIEWR *ragequits*

RAW 1.24.11

January 24, 2011 11:17 pm 3 Comments

Hello everyone! I know I missed RAW last week, and I’m terribly sorry about that, but I’m back tonight! Who was that mysterious man who joined Nexus at the end of last week’s RAW? What wonderful news will we hear from the RAW General Manager tonight? I don’t know, but I did hear a rumor that it’s supposed to be the World Heavyweight Champion, Edge, against the WWE Champion, The Miz tonight. Champion vs Champion! Melina and Natalya are also going head to head for the Diva’s Championship!

Oh yeah! The Royal Rumble is this Sunday! Forty men are going to compete for the first time ever! Thank God I’m not covering it. You all know how I love multiple-party matches. Anyway, it’s bound to be good!

Tonight’s show is brought to you by:

You think you know me…

Damn! I don’t have any Edge pictures to use!

The World Heavyweight Champion makes his way to the ring to kick off RAW for us! He says that he doesn’t feel like waiting. He’s never liked waiting, he’s never had a lot of patience. He doesn’t like waiting at the DMV, for the guy at the supermarket to pay by check, he doesn’t like waiting for the guy in front of him at security at the airport to realize his metal belt is made of metal, and he’s sick of waiting in vain for Michael Cole to stop being a tool. So, why doesn’t the Miz just come out here now–?

“Edge, I know you’re very anxious to have your Champion vs Champion match against The Miz, but I have officially schedule that attraction for later tonight. Fortunately for you, I haven’t forgotten about your disrespect when you were a superstar on RAW. That’s why I’ve arranged a special exhibition for you right now. Whichever one of these men tosses you over the top rope will receive the advantageous position of Number 40 at this Sunday’s Royal Rumble. Ring the bell.”

Jack Swagger, Tyson Kidd, and Drew McIntyre make their way down to try to get the position. Tyson Kidd is quickly eliminated by Edge, and Drew McIntyre takes advantage. McIntyre almost gets Edge out, but Swagger breaks it up and Edge sends him over the top. Now, it’s just McIntyre and Edge, but Edge manages to eliminate McIntyre too!

Edge wins.

Edge takes the mic and thanks the anonymous RAW General Manager for getting his juices flowing. He says he’ll go to the back and get ready for his match with The Miz, but first, he wants to do something. He slowly climbs out of the ring, and says that it’s something he did last time on this show. Then, he asks who here wants to see a smashed laptop computer? The crowd cheers, King says he does, and Cole says he doesn’t. Cole gets up and tries to protect the laptop, trying to talk sense into Edge. But, Edge is a nonsensical, crazy man. Common sense doesn’t work.

Damn. The old Nexus theme is back. I miss Punk’s already.

Punk, Otunga, Harris, McGuillicutty, and the mystery man from last week make their way down to the ring. As they make their way into the ring, Edge stands by the laptop, watching them. McGuillicutty passes Punk a mic.

Punk takes it, saying that in this world, only the strong survive, and the strong survive just not from being strong, they don’t survive just from sheer will power, they survive because they evolve. Last week, it was announced that the Royal Rumble match will have forty Superstars, making it the biggest Royal Rumble match in the history of the Royal Rumble. So, as he sees his surroundings change, he adapts, because he is change. He sees the Royal Rumble expand, so the new Nexus evolves. Last week, we saw the new Nexus expand with the inclusion of the mystery Batista. He was hand-picked by Punk from Cardiff, Wales, and he is Mason Ryan. Funny how Punk’s hand-picked guy kicked him in the face.

Mason takes the mic and says he only has one thing to say: Faith.

Punk says that he doesn’t think he could have said it more eloquently. Faith. These men we see are bonded by faith, and unlike John Cena, and the faithless, fake, poor-man’s Nexus on Smackdown!, their faith, come Sunday, will be rewarded. Because they will unite for the common good, for one common goal, and that is for CM Punk to become the winner of the 2011 Royal Rumble Match. Nexus nods along, but will they stay faithful? Punk says that when he wins the 2011 Royal Rumble, he will not only go on to headline Wrestlemania, but the new Nexus will become the most powerful group the WWE has ever laid eyes on.

We are interrupted by the Corre, made of Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Ezekiel Jackson. Barrett explained on Smackdown! That he is not the leader of this group; it is a group of equals.

Barrett says to clarify something: the only poor man’s Nexus is the new Nexus. The Corre is nothing like the Nexus. It’s not some brainwashing dictatorship, it’s about four equals. Zeke says at the Royal Rumble, they will try to win the match for themselves, they will unite to make sure to eliminate CM Punk. Mason Ryan jumps in front of Punk and gets in Zeke’s face (never a good idea), and the two have a stare down.

“If I’m going to give Smackdown! Superstars an open invitation to come to RAW, they will have to play by my rules. With Teddy Long unfortunately sidelined, I have the authority to make this very special match. Corre member and former Nexus leader Wade Barrett will face current Nexus leader CM Punk. Whoever loses will see himself, and his entire group, out of the Royal Rumble match. And gentlemen, one last thing: The special guest referee for this Barrett vs Punk match tonight will be someone you’re both extremely familiar with. The guest referee will be John Cena.”

So… Who’s more screwed?

@Niki_Sushi Yeah, Zeke scares me more than Beardtistacles. #BWF #RAW

@TKeep123 OMG.. Mason Ryan is the love child of Batista and Wade Barrett!!! #RAW #WWE #BWF

@JonHexLives I’ve finally figured it out. A computer program is the general manager. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar The Corre looks weird without any shirts or armbands. And Ezekiel Jackson just looks scary.

@seraphalexiel We’re the Corre. We promote bad spelling and Heath Slater. Of course you should get behind us

@HitTheRopes Okay, shake the ropes violently, Mason Ryan. Go ahead. You know you want to. #WWE

@kickoutblog Well that worked out best: Swagger, Kidd or McIntyre as #40 would’ve been incredibly anticlimactic. #RAW

John Morrison and Mark Henry vs. Sheamus and Alberto del Rio

The match starts with Rio and Morrison starting it off. The two lock up, and Rio gets Morrison in the corner already. The ref separates them, but Rio kicks back quick, throwing Morrison face-first into the turnbuckle, and then staying on him. He drags Morrison over to his corner and tags in Sheamus. Sheamus takes advantage and starts to throw Morrison into the other turnbuckle, but Morrison fights back hard, putting Sheamus in a head scissors and then hitting him with a dropkick before Morrison kicks out of the quick cover. Sheamus fights back and then tags in Rio. Rio Whips Morrison cross the ring, but Morrison ducks his clothesline and fights back well. Morrison gets advantage over Rio, but Sheamus pulls him out of the ring as Morrison goes for Starship Pain.

@ThingsColeSays TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES!

@KeepItFiveStar IT’S A SHAMEFUL THING! LOBSTER HEAD!!!!!!!

@Niki_Sushi Is anyone surprised? I believe we’ve seen more of Smackdown than RAW for the past two weeks.. #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog Sheamus & Alberto Del Rio are the greatest foreign tag team since The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff. #RAW

@TKeep123 That singlet does nothing to enhance Mark Henry’s …ummmm…. masculinity. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Alexx_Raven: Morrison: Once you go black… You never go back.

@kickoutblog Pot O’Gold is the best suggestion I’ve seen so far for a Del Rio/Sheamus team.

We come back to Rio and Morrison in the ring, and Rio has Morrison in a headlock. Morrison fights out, but Rio drops him onto his head, and sends his knee repeatedly into Morrison’s spine. He goes into a quick cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Rio drags Morrison to his corner, but Morrison fights his way back to the middle, only to get a sharp elbow to the spine. Rio tags in Sheamus, and Sheamus plays it to the crow-HOLY CRAP MICHAEL “SOUL EATER” TARVER IS WATCHING BACKSTAGE!

Anyway, Sheamus hits a clothesline on Morrison, and then stretches Morrison out. Sheamus gets Morrison into the middle of the ring, goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Sheamus fights Morrison pretty hard, and then gets Morrison in another submission. Morrison struggles to fight out, hitting a swift kick before trying to gain momentum. Sheamus, however, plants Morrison, and goes for a cover, only for Morrison to kick out at two. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick, but Morrison hits the flying Chuck. Both men are down in the middle of the ring and their partners reach for them.

Rio and Henry make their way in, and Henry drops his fist onto Rio’s head before head butting him a couple of times. Henry Whips Rio across the ring, and then bulldozes him, going for a cover. Sheamus breaks up the count, and Henry takes exception to this, sending Sheamus into the corner before he clotheslines Rio. Sheamus hits the Brogue Kick, but Morrison comes in and hits the flying Chuck again, before hitting a corkscrew move out of the ring. Rio runs in and gets Henry in the spinning armbar thing, and Henry taps.

Sheamus and Alberto del Rio win via submission.

Later on tonight, Wade Barrett and CM Punk will go one on one against one another, and the special guest referee will be none other than John Cena. And the loser? Their whole group is out of the Royal Rumble. But, up next, it’s the Diva’s Championship match!

@kickoutblog So sayeth the prophecy: “Upon his second coming, he shall watch a Mark Henry match.” #GuardYourSoul

@Niki_Sushi This just in. Soul Eater [Human Name: Michael Tarver] is back, and he’s hungry. #BWF #RAW #SucksToBeYou

@TKeep123 Sure looked like JOMO landed wrong on that knee… #WWE #RAW #BWF

Melina vs Natalya for the WWE Diva’s Championship

Random thought: How PG is it to promote a game that “You’re mom’s gonna hate it”?

Natalya and Melina lock up, and Melina shoves Natalya against the ropes before sending her right out to the floor. Melina throws Natalya back in, and slams her head against the mat. Melina keeps control over Natalya in the middle of the ring before going for the cover, only for Natalya to kick out. Melina puts Natalya in a viciously strange looking submission hold, but Natalya fights it and gets to her feet, running Melina into the corner. Natalya beats Melina up a little, and Melina kicks her in the head before Natalya drops her, and then does it again. Natalya went for that spinning clothesline, but Melina takes her down. Natalya takes a beating from Melina, but Natalya grabs Melina’s leg and lock sin the Sharpshooter, bending herself all the way over, and Melina is forced to tap out.

WWE Diva’s Champion Natalya wins via submission.

However, LayCool cuts Natalya’s victory celebration short.

McCool tells them to calm down, and says that they have good news. Layla says that in six days, Nattie’s going to lose some weight. McCool says that she’ll probably have to shop in the plus size division for the rest of her life. They’re not talking about actual body weight, they’re talking about their Diva’s Championship. Layla points out they never got their Championship rematch, and McCool says Sunday, they’re going to bring the Diva’s Championship back from being classless, to being flawless.

Still to come, the World Heavyweight Champion Edge takes on the WWE Champion, The Miz.

@Niki_Sushi That end was a credit to Melina’s flexibility, as she didn’t snap in half. #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes The way Melina can bend, it just leaves a lot to the imagination. #wwe

@kickoutblog (secretly hoping for Kong to interfere in this match and destroy them both… Sorry Natalya)

@KeepItFiveStar And here we go! The slap happy Melina vs. the awkward screaming Natalya!

@JonHexLives Best. Sharpshooter. Ever. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar Shouldn’t Beth Phoenix be getting title shots? She’s actually been winning

Backstage, Otunga is stirring up more trouble, and is pointing out that if Punk loses, then they’re all screwed. Punk says that he’s sensing a lot of negative energy, and he doesn’t like it. Punk point sout that last week he made a sacrifice, to Mason Ryan, and took a kick in the face to beat John Cena. Come Sunday, Ryan will make his sacrifice, as will all of them, to sacrifice their spot to win the Royal Rumble match, to insure that he does. He says that when he wins, when he main events Wrestlemania, all of their lives change. Punk breaks off and looks at Husky. Harris says that there are forty people in the Royal Rumble match. What if Punk comes out first, and the Nexus doesn’t come until, say, 20^th, and he’s already eliminated? Ryan tells him CM Punk will not be eliminated. Punk tells them to maintain the Corre so he can beat Nexus. Punk says that he doesn’t expect Cena to LET him win, he’s going to win because he’s better. Besides, Barrett has been making Cena’s life hell. He then tells them to have faith, and then tells them to take a knee. He extends his fist, and the others do as well.

Backstage, Josh Matthews is interviewing Cena, who punches him, yet again. Matthews has to be sick of that. Matthews asks what his mindset will be for the main event, and Cena says that as an official he’s recognized for doing the same thing. He says that if Punk wins, he has faith that he will eliminate each and every member of the new Nexus. If Barrett wins, he has to deal with the Corre, and points out that it has an extra r, and it stands for –

He’s interrupted by Miz, who fakes a laugh. Miz says he can’t believe Cena’s attitude about the Royal Rumble match. Winning the Royal Rumble match could be the worst thing that has ever happened to them should they choose to face him. Did Cena not see how he gave Orton the worst beating of his life? Or the beating he’s going to give that second-rate Champion Edge? Cena asks him to try to give him the worst beating of his life. Cena points out that The Miz could lose to Randy Orton, and could lose his rematch, and they must-see their way to a shower. Miz asks Matthews if he thinks he’s going to lose, but Miz interrupts him before he can answer. Miz asks the crowd, and they answer yes. Miz asks Riley if it’s ready, and Riley says to roll the footage. Hey, G! Think you can get me a .gif of Miz and Riley laughing??

AWESOME!

WWE Champion The Miz with Alex Riley vs World Heavyweight Champion Edge

Before the match begins, Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero make their way out to the ring as well, and Dolph joins on commentary, with Vickie.

Miz and Edge, start to lock up, but Miz misses two kicks. Edge continues to deftly avoid all of Miz’ attempts, but catches Miz’ foot and gets the advantage, backing Miz into a corner. He Whips Miz across the ring and then sends his elbow into Miz’ face. He kicks Miz in the stomach, and then head butts him. Miz fights back, however, and elbows him. Once again, however, Miz misses his kick. Miz and Edge lock hands and Edge twists Miz’ arm behind his back. Miz tries to lift Edge, but can’t get him up. Edge fights back and sends Miz right over the top rope.

@RhymesWithPen Vickie Guerrero looks way better in tights than Jerry Lawler ever did

@kickoutblog I love Dolph Ziggler’s business casual + hoodie attire.

@Niki_Sushi Hey. GM. Do your damn job and chase away Smackdown. Gawd, such a failure turtle. #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog The Miz has bigger fish to fry than John Cena anyway, he’s got a World Champion to beat.

We come back to Edge immediately going for a cover on Miz, but Miz kicks out at two. Miz gets the advantage, however, attacking the injured ribs of Edge before hitting him with a kick in the face. Miz goes for a cover, but Edge kicks out at two. Miz puts his knee in Edge’s back and then pulls him back, and I’ma punch this cameraman. I don’t care about Dolph and Vickie, thank you. Edge fights out, however, and Miz drops him right onto his back with his own hair. Miz keeps the advantage, and Whips Edge across the ring, but Edge hits a swinging neckbreaker on Miz. Miz starts to get up and Edge sets up for the Spear, but Miz rolls out of the ring first. Edge, however, follows, and Miz attacks the ribs again, before Whipping him, only to get it countered and for Miz to be sent to the barrier. Riley’s on the outside, keeping an eye on things. Edge throws Miz back into the ring. Edge climbs up to the top rope, and Miz fights him up there, going for a suplex, but Edge holds on, fighting to get Miz back to the mat. Edge gets ready, and hits a cross body on Miz, but Miz kicks out of the cover on two. Edge throws Miz into the corner, and then across the ring into the corner. Edge goes to do it again, but Riley helps Miz get out of the way. Miz gets Edge up and slams him, ribs first, into the top rope.

@RhymesWithPen The World Champion is currently wrestling the WWE Champion and all Lawler cares about is making Vickie fat jokes … #IWantWrestling

@JonHexLives Why is Alex Riley wearing Sheamus-tinted boots? #WWE #RAW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar TWO COMMERCIAL BREAKS?! *Monocle drops* UNHEARD OF!

@kickoutblog THEY JUST WENT TO COMMERCIAL! COME ON!

Jesus, we come back to Miz going for a cover, Edge kicking out, Miz beating Edge then going for a cover, then Edge kicks out, then Miz starts beating on Edge again. Miz is doing something with the bandage for a minute there, and then wraps his legs around Edge’s ribs. Dolph needs to shut the fuck up. Edge did something and dropped Miz almost literally onto his head. Edge hits something else, but I didn’t see it. Edge is fighting back hard, and this a clothesline on Miz. Edge drops Miz, and then goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two. Miz drives his shoulder into Edge’s ribs repeatedly for a minute, before running across the ring, missing the swinging corner clothesline. Edge goes for a cover, but Miz kicks out at two, and Alex Riley distracts Edge. Edge climbs back into the ring, and Miz grabs him, going for a quick cover, but Edge kicks out at two. Miz Whips Edge, misses a clothesline, but manages to hit Riley with the baseball slide, before Edge drops Miz back to the mat. Edge crawls back and sets up the Spear, and I think I just heard Dolph drop the headset. I did.

WWE Champion The Miz wins via disqualification.

Ziggler grabs Edge as Edge goes for the Spear, and hits the Zig Zag on Edge. However, Orton is out next, and Ziggler attacks Orton, as well as Riley. Orton hits a vicious scoop slam on Ziggler, and Miz tries to take off, but Orton grabs him and beats him up. Miz runs into the ring, and Orton hits an RKO on Riley, then on Ziggler. Miz comes in and hits Orton in the knees with Riley’s briefcase before he grabs the WWE Championship and heads on out.

@KeepItFiveStar Oh no! It’s never a good day when Miz misses the clothesline

@Lunna1969 i love when Randy does the scoop slam! it always looks so smooth! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@kickoutblog Also, if this whole wrestling this doesn’t work out, Miz should totally sell a licorice candy called Mizzlers.

We come back to Matthews asking Barrett what the difference is between nexus and The Corre. Barrett says that when he first formed Nexus, he got too close to the WWE Championship and lost sight of his original goal, and lost the Nexus. But, every cloud has a silver lining, and he’s a member of The Corre. The Corre doesn’t have leadership issues or against John Cena being the special guest referee. Matthews says that people are pointing fingers at The Corre as being responsible for the attack on Teddy Long. Barrett stops him and says that he wishes Long a speedy recovery. Their goal for today is to make sure that Punk and Nexus are out of the Royal Rumble. As for Cena, Barrett hopes that Cena can respect him as he respects Cena.

United States Champion Daniel Bryan and the Bella Twins vs Ted DiBiase, Maryse, and Alicia Fox

Bryan and DiBiase are going to start it out, and Bryan fights out of DiBiase’s headlock quickly, and Bryan sends DiBiase to the mat. As the men are getting ready to work, Maryse tags herself in, and one of the Bellas and Maryse starts out. Bella 1 sends Maryse to the mat, and Bella 2 distracts Bella 1 from the whole thing, and Maryse takes advantage with a quick pinfall.

Ted DiBiase, Alicia Fox and Maryse win via pinfall.

The Bellas are fighting, and Daniel doesn’t look like he knows what the fuck to do. Get used to it, Bryan.

Still to come, Punk v Barrett.

@KeepItFiveStar Ted DiBiase, Maryse and Knuckles from Sonic The Hedgehog vs Darling Nikki, that other twin and Daniel Bryan!

@HitTheRopes Wow, two matches involving Divas on one Raw. #Shocked

@Niki_Sushi Aaaaaaaaand there goes the good mood. Nastiness Personified vs Sexy People. Sigh. #BWF #RAW

At the Royal Rumble, Randy Orton and The Miz will go head to head for the WWE Championship! Dolph Ziggler and Edge will duke it out for the World Heavyweight Championship! LayCool will meet Natalya for the WWE Diva’s Championship, and it is a first-ever Forty Man Royal Rumble Match!

Backstage, the Bellas are fighting each other about who is better for Bryan, or whatever is important to them. Tarver watches them argue for a moment before he walks away, and both are ridiculously unaware of how lucky they are to have not gotten their souls stolen. However, They enter Daniel Bryan’s locker room to see him and Gail Kim kissing. Haha, you whores. Bryan says that he and Gail have been dating for six months. Gail says that with no guest stars around they have nothing to do. Gail gets up in their faces and slaps one, and then is sent in the corner by the other one. Referees have to break them apart, because Gail is gonna break her heel off in their asses.

The new Nexus, without Punk, makes their way to the ring.

@HitTheRopes Michael Tarver continues to pop up in random spots. #wwe

@Niki_Sushi So. Gail kinda just went up about 100% on the ‘DAMN’ meter, ya think? Such a shame that she has bad taste in men. #BWF #RAW

@divadirt “Because there’s no guest stars around, you guys really have nothing to do?” says Gail re. the Bellas. Oh snap! #WWE

@seraphalexiel IF THIS MEANS GAIL KIM WRESTLING, THEN I FORGIVE THAT LAST MATCH

@HitTheRopes Holy hell, something for Gail Kim, yay! #wwe

@KeepItFiveStar OHHHH SHIT! GAIL KIM WITH THE SHOOT COMMENT

This Sunday, Edge and Randy Orton will come together as a tag team once again to take on The Miz and Dolph Ziggler!

Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris with Mason Ryan and David Otunga vs WWE Tag Team Champions Vladimir Kozlov and Santino Marella with Tamina

McGuillicutty and Kozlov start things off with McGuillicutty losing his mind all over Kozlov. Kozlov fights back, however, and tags in Marella, who drops McGuillicutty to the mat and puts him in a headlock. McGuillicutty fights out of it, however, and sends Santino into the corner. Santino tries to jump up on McGuillicutty, who isn’t there, and McGuillicutty takes advantage, sending Santino to his corner. Harris is tagged in and stops on Santino before picking him up and dropping him real fucking fast. Harris goes for a quick pinfall, but Santino kicks out at two. Harris keeps him in the middle of the ring in a headlock, and then Santino flips Harris over him. Harris takes exception to this, and drops Santino, before going for a cover, but Santino kicks out. Santino continues to take abuse from Harris, who has him in a headlock in the middle of the ring. Santino fights to his feet, and both men are down. Santino manages to make it over to Kozlov, but before he can tag, Harris sends Kozlov off the apron. Santino starts to get momentum, and avoids his moves. He starts to flip Harris, but instead hits Harris’ knee. Santino sets up the Cobra, and McGuillicutty starts to get in, distracting Santino, while Harris takes advantage. Harris hits some kind of harsh-looking move and pins Santino for the win.

Michael McGuillicutty and Husky Harris win via pinfall.

Otunga takes the mic and asks for a hand for the new Nexus, but gets boos. He says that he wants everybody to give a warm welcome to the man who has sacrificed so much for them, a man who they will sacrifice for this Sunday and help propel to victory at the 2011 Royal Rumble match. Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for their leader, CM Punk. As CM Punk makes his way to the ring, Cena is backstage and is handed a referee shirt. He tosses his dog tags to the guy that gave him the shirt and makes his way to the ring.

@kickoutblog Michael Tarver should’ve handed John Cena his ref shirtt.

@TKeep123 All HAIL…..SANTINO !!!! Can Nexus handle The Cobra? #WWE #RAW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar Wow. That belt has sucked out all of Tamina’s muscle. And for those keeping count, she’s wearing shoes.

CM Punk with New Nexus vs Wade Barrett with the Corre with Special Guest Referee John Cena

Haven’t done this in a while, so:

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR SCRAP YER POO!!!

Wait, where’s the ref shirt he was just handed? Oh, it’s under. Okay.

Cena, before the match is even started, sends the New Nexus backstage and away from ringside. The Corre is clapping, but that shit won’t last. Punk looks greatly upset. Cena seems to be distracted by the Cena chants, and sends The Corre backstage next. Told ya so.

Cena finally calls for the damn bell… and then steps between them, and shoves Punk backwards. Punk goes to attack him, and points out that he’s the ref. Then, he slaps Barrett, and points out he’s the ref. So, Punk attacks Barrett instead. Cena stands across the ring and just stands there so that Punk can attack Barrett as he wants. Punk sends Barrett out of the ring and gets in Cena’s face and yells at him, but Cena doesn’t seem fazed. He then sends Punk over the top rope, and Punk runs in, pissed, but stops himself before he hits Cena. Barrett, however, comes back in and attacks Punk, hitting a hard sidewalk slam. Cena then ignores the cover and goes out to the side and signs a few autographs, pretending that he forgot there was a match going on. Punk and Barrett are trying to wrestle, and knock each other down. Cena calls for the bell.

Cena then says that both teams are disqualified for excessive use of profanity on a PG show, and neither team is going to the Royal Rumble. And then Cena laughs. And Punk and Barrett are pissed.

“What we have just witnessed was a blatant abuse of power. Now, I can’t change the referee’s decision of this double disqualification, but I can change the consequences. Therefore, CM Punk, Wade Barrett, and their respective teams, will all compete in the Royal Rumble match Sunday. And in addition, if John Cena does not go into the ring and apologize to both Wade Barrett and CM Punk, right now, John Cena, you will be the one out of the Royal Rumble match.”

Cena’s pissed about this, and Punk and Barrett like this way too damn much. Cena pulls off his ref shirt and walks back to the ring. He slides in and stands between the two of them. He apologizes to Punk, then to Barrett, and then attacks them both. And then The Corre makes their way back down to the ring before the New Nexus follows. Cena watches both teams, but the teams seem more weary of each other than they do Cena. McGuillicutty stars to attack, and then Big Show, Bryan, Morrison, Tatsu, Henry, Kozlov, Marella, and some other people, I’m sure, start coming out. Oh, there’s Truth too.

Anyway, there’s RAW for ya. Decent build up for the Royal Rumble, though I think everyone was busier talking about Gail Kim and Daniel Bryan. Anyway, hope you all enjoy your week.

RAW 1.10.11

January 10, 2011 11:27 pm 3 Comments

Hello everyone! Terribly sorry about my absence the last two weeks, but things were crazy. Huge thank you to G for taking over the RAW review when my brother came in, and sorry about no RAW review being up last week. Turns out, the boss man, ThinkSoJoE, is having some computer problems, so no one was able to cover. BUT THAT’S OKAY! We’re here now! Or, at least, I am.

Tonight, Punk takes over as leader of the Nexus, and John Cena’s going to confront him for the first time since Punk showed interest two weeks ago! And I’ve been hearing rumors about a Hall of Fame nomination!

Strangely enough, we start out Monday Night RAW with a tag team title match! … No opening promo?!

WWE Tag Team Champions Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov with Tamina vs ??? for the WWE Tag Team Championship

Before their opponents can even be announced, Nexus comes out and demolishes the tag team championships. Tamina is nowhere to be seen, and Punk enters the ring rather calmly, watching the chaos. Nexus clears the ring of the champs, thus answering my question about an opening promo. Turns out we’re gonna get one.

Punk says that he’s sorry and I notice he’s wearing black and yellow shoes. He says that the tag team title match is rescheduled for a later date. Ever since Nexus has made its impact on RAW, it’s been the most dominant force the WWE has ever seen. And, as scary as it sounds, they are even stronger now. He tells Nexus that each and every single one of them has the ability and chance to shine brighter than any other Superstar in history. He can give them the chance to succeed, and says that Barrett consistently failed at setting any kind of example. Two weeks ago, Punk single-handedly put Cena out of the equation. That’s right, their hero in all of his broken down hero will appear tonight. Cena will, he’s hoping, deliver a tear-jerking encore farewell speech tonight. Cena’s days of Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect are over, while Punk’s are just beginning. And then, the coup de gras later tonight, in an act of selfless leadership, Punk will make the ultimate sacrifice when he initiates himself the new leader of the new Nexus. But, he’s getting ahead of himself. His won’t be the only initiation tonight. Each one of the Nexus must prove to themselves, the group, to Punk, to these ‘worthless people’ that they have what it takes to belong in the new Nexus. If they all pass, the Nexus will be at the apex of their power, and they will not only take over RAW, but the WWE entirely.

Otunga takes the mic, damn it, and Otunga says that he speaks for all of Nexus and they would be honored to be initiated into the new Nexus tonight. Punk says that the honor will all be his. Punk starts with McGuillicutty, and says that he’s up first. He knows, Punk knows, the people knows, that Nexus is famous for these group attacks. They’ve beaten down Hall of Famers, the Chairman, and John Cena too. McGuillicutty’s initiation is to be on the receiving end of a beat down. Husky’s name is called and he’s told to start it. Husky looks at McG for a minute, Otunga takes the initiative and starts it, dropping him. Slater asks what the hell he just did, and Punk goads Slater into action. Husky looks at him again, and then drops himself onto McGuillicutty. Husky and Otunga move McGuillicutty to the corner, and Punk leads Gabriel up to the corner, where the Axe Murderer of Nexus Gabriel stands up and hits the 450 Splash. Punk kneels in front of McGuillicutty, and Nexus puts him on Punk’s shoulders, and Punk finishes it off with the Go to Sleep. Punk leaves, and Nexus carries the unmoving McGuillicutty off.

@Niki_Sushi ‘It wasn’t your turn! >:O’ ‘YOU TOOK TOO LONG!’ #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes David Otunga speaks for no one. Not even for himself. We all know, J-Hudson speaks for him.

@kickoutblog CM Punk is the only one with the right to wear pants though.

@StrikerSays Is The Nexus going to be CM Punk’s new SES? Are they all going to shave their heads?

@CMPunkSays Screw your tag team titles, it’s NEXUS TIME! #WWE

@Lunna1969 Isn’t that how gangs do their initiations? #WWE #RAW #BWF

@JonHexLives Nexus CM Punk shirts! #WWE #RAW #BWF

DAMN IT! R-TRUTH IS BACK!

R-Truth vs Alberto del Rio

If del Rio honks that horn one more time, I’m bitch slapping his face off.

Truth goes for del Rio, but del Rio moves, and Truth chases him, throwing him into a corner and then yelling WHAT’S UP at the crowd. Del Rio is sick of Truth’s shit and gets the momentum before going for a cover, but Truth kicks out at two. Is it just me, or does the arena look smoky? Anyway, del Rio Whips Truth, then misses a clothesline. Truth counters with a head scissors and then clothesline. Truth runs back at del Rio, and clotheslines him out of the ring, sending them both to the floor. The ref starts a count, and it takes a few minutes before either man moves. Del Rio attacks Truth, who attacks back. But, Ricardo Rodriguez starts yelling at Truth, and Truth gets counted out thanks to that.

Alberto del Rio wins via count out.

Del Rio takes the mic and says that’s another victory for him! But we already know that. We also know that his destiny is to win the Royal Rumble, and headline Wrestlemania. Okay, he knows that’s a different story, because tonight they’re in Nashville! The music city? Oh, you silly, silly, Americans. You don’t know anything about music. You don’t know anything about culture. Oh, del Rio, these people will kill you outside the arena. All they know is about their Justin Biebers, Idols, hip-hop, and that horrible and boring country music. This is a bad place to diss country music… In Mexico, they know about music. They know about culture. He says to allow a man with many attributes to show them real music, mariachi music! He motions to Ricardo and asks him to sing. Ricardo says that he can’t sing, probably thanks to that hit he just took to the face, and del Rio asks nicely. Ricardo takes the mic and sings La Cucaracha. Which I learned in Spanish. He’s really not that great at it, but I can’t blame him.

Two weeks ago, Punk gave Cena a Go to Sleep, and tonight, Cena is going to confront him. Holy crap, Ricardo is jamming. Tonight, we have to watch yet another John Morrison and King Sheamus match. Goodie. Why am I always covering RAW when people who can’t sing try to? Anyone remember Mark Henry rapping?

@KeepItFiveStar “And I haven’t even started yet!” You have started! You’ve been doin this shitty song for like 5 years!

@Niki_Sushi DAMMIT! Just when I thought I escaped it! Truth, how bout you go to TNA too? CAROLINA CONNECTION! :B #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog Okay, if Del Rio starts winning every match by count-out, he’s going to become the world’s greatest asshole.

@typicalROHfan CAN DEL RIO RUN OVER R TRUTH WITH HIS CAR?

@JonHexLives I’m hoping Alberto Del Rio does at least one promo where he warms up like Ramses from NACHO LIBRE. #WWE #RAW #BWF

Jerry says that he’d be lying if he said he was fully recovered. Cole says that Randy will be sorely disappointed when he can’t take the WWE Championship from The Miz. Cole tells Jerry to apologize, but we have an email.

“Recently, Michael Cole has been on the receiving end of a lot of criticism. However, I support Michael Cole in every conceivable way. Even though, he’s a conceited, pompous, arrogant, self-centered, pretentious jerk. Okay, just kidding. The reality is that Michael Cole has done a phenomenal job and is the epitome of manhood. I wish we had more people like him, with the guts to stand up against popular opinion. Michael is an award winning journalist, a two-time Slammy award winner. He is witty, highly intelligent, and not to mention, handsome. Ladies and gentlemen, the highest honor one can achieve is to refer to themselves as a Cole Miner!”

Jerry finally interrupts, and my dinner stays in my stomach. Jerry says that he’s just received a message from the entire WWE Universe, and he quotes: “Will you please SHUT UP?” Really, Cole, nobody in their right mind would ever even think, say, or much less type, that Cole is handsome. What he really is is a coward. Cole says that Jerry can’t touch him or he’ll be ordered, but Jerry slams the laptop shut.

Cole says it still works.

“I assure you that Michael Cole is not a coward. And King, neither are you. That’s why I know that even though your body hasn’t fully recovered, you can’t wait to exact revenge. Therefore, tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on the team of Jerry “The King” Lawler, and Randy Orton.”

Punk is backstage and says that McGuillicutty’s in and passed with flying colors. Husky’s next. His initiation, if he chooses to accept, is in his left hand. He will willingly, without reprisal, take three lashes from everybody, with… a strap? A belt? Something. Husky says he accepts. Punk tells him to take the shirt off. Husky takes the shirt off, and Otunga starts. Justin’s next, and doesn’t seem as anxious as Otunga was. Slater comes up, and seems more discontent with the belt than with Husky. Punk tells them to get Husky up and hold his arms. Then, Punk delivers eight quick snaps with the belt.

@RhymesWithPen CM Punk is treating Nexus like a frat, but lets be serious, no frat would ever allow Heath Slater to be a brother …

@KeepItFiveStar This is payback for the last week’s RAW/Smackdown with all that wrestling

@Niki_Sushi I have officially gotten to the point that until I see Cole, I literally can NOT hear him. I’ve blocked him out. #BWF #RAW

@kickoutblog Just when you thought it couldn’t get creepier than the opening segment, New Nexus turns to S&M

@jaded_prinz Ugh Raw has now turned into mini Bondage bear porn featuring a submissive Husky Harris lol

@dasharpshooters I guess Husky couldn’t remember the safe word. #wwe #raw

United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Mark Henry with The Bella Twins vs Ted DiBiase and Tyson Kidd with Maryse

Bryan and DiBiase start out the match with Bryan dominating. However, Bryan gets distracted and goes to take Kidd out of the match, but DiBiase throws him out of the ring. Kidd sneaks in a hit real quick and then DiBiase brings Bryan back in. DiBiase tags in Kidd, who keeps Bryan in the corner. Kidd distracts the ref, and DiBiase chokes Bryan. Kidd tags in DiBiase, and DiBiase gets Bryan in the center of the ring with a headlock. Bryan fights out and bounces off the ropes, hitting a hard clothesline on DiBiase. Bryan tags in Henry, and DiBiase tags in Kidd. Kidd runs face first into a clothesline, and then is head butted to the ground. Twice. Kidd crawls away and Henry runs toward him in the corner, but Kidd dives over and tags DiBiase in. They hit a double dropkick, but Ted is hit by a clothesline and Kidd is hit by Bryan. Then, Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the win.

Mark Henry and the United States Champion win via pinfall.

Later tonight, WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler (again) and Randy Orton. We have The Big Show here tonight and we find out why next.

@kickoutblog No Jackson Andrews with Tyson Kidd, I’m sure that tells you all you need to know about his WWE future.

@TheMizMagnet: GODDAMN IT! JERRY! STOP FIGHTING MIZ! I HATE THESE MATCHES! *storms off* #BWF
@TKeep123 This whole RAW is from a bad parallel world.

@Niki_Sushi I’m not going to be happy with the Diva’s division until A) Bellas are fired for being stupid or B) Awesome Kong comes n eats them #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes A couple years ago Mark Henry would have been ALL over them twins. #wwe

@KeepItFiveStar Mark Henry continues to be a threat for the Royal Rumble

On NXT, that guy with the giant nose was eliminated, and Dolph Ziggler said that he was terrible, and basically sucked. Not like anyone cares about NXT.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, it’s a big show!

Between Alberto del Rio and The Big Show, we have been invaded by Smackdown. Awesome. And Show just wiggled his ass. I’m so sorry to that guy in the front row.

Show says thank you very much, and it’s great to be back on RAWR…er… RAW. He is here to discuss some issues. Number one is Wade Barrett. He finds it funny that last week Barrett is knocked out of Nexus, and this coming up Smackdown, he wants to knock Barrett out! Number two, the Royal Rumble. He’s letting every superstar know that they’re on notice. The Big Show is coming to the Royal Rumble and he’s not playing games, go on and main event Wrestlemania-

We walk alone…

Punk, Gabriel, Slater, and Otunga make their way out to the stage, and Punk looks at Otunga, as do the rest of Nexus. Otunga makes his way down to the ring, and this is apparently his initiation. He looks back at Punk, who merely stares at him, and then makes his way into the ring.

Show holds up a finger, and Otunga pushes it down and smacks Show’s ear. Show looks at him, and Otunga looks like he’s just offering himself up for a smack, but then Show kicks him and then throws him out of the ring. Show follows Otunga and chucks him over the announce table. Punk rips his shirt (DAMN IT!), and then delivers that massive slap on the announce table. Show yells at him, and then drops him right on the floor. Show slams Otunga into the steel steps, and then shoves him into the ring. He then choke slams Otunga. Show then delivers the knockout punch to Otunga. Punk, Slater, and Gabriel don’t move, except to raise their fists up. I guess Otunga passed.

Later, Cena will address Punk, and next up, John Morrison will take on King Sheamus.

@seraphalexiel I think you can get arrested for this type of hazing

@kickoutblog Seriously, if someone told me I could take 25 lashes from a leather belt or a 25% punch from Big Show, I’d ask for 50 lashes.

@KeepItFiveStar And now the WWE, and Jack Link’s present: Messin With Sasquatch

@RobMcNichol If Henry is Sexual Chocolate, Bryan Danielson must be Erotic Marshmallow.

John Morrison vs King Sheamus

Sheamus gets a good start in this match, but Morrison fights back, only to eat Sheamus’ knee with his stomach. Sheamus stomps on Morrison, and then continues to methodically pick Morrison apart before bouncing him off his knee. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out at two. Sheamus puts his foot in Morrison’s throat and then steps off, dominating Morrison. Morrison tries to fight back, but Sheamus puts a stop to that with his elbow in Morrison’s face. Sheamus goes for a cover, but Morrison kicks out. Sheamus puts Morrison into a vicious looking hold that my brain refuses to give me a name for, but Morrison fights out, climbing up to his feet only to take a hit from Sheamus. Sheamus goes to knee Morrison in the stomach again, but Morrison goes for a cover. Morrison kicks out and picks up speed, getting the momentum. He this a heel kick to the jaw before Sheamus crawls into the corner. Sheamus, however, has none of that, and Morrison ends up on his stomach before kicking him again. Morrison plants his feet in Sheamus’ face, and then pulls himself up with a very on-PG pelvic thrust, but Sheamus shoves him out of the ring instead of facing up against Starship Pain.

Nobody tweeted anything that I could really use here, so here’s a picture for your entertainment.

We come back to Sheamus dominating Morrison again, but Morrison fights out of the headlock. He goes to Whip Sheamus, but Sheamus drops him onto his back and goes for the cover, only for Morrison to kick out at two. Sheamus holds Morrison’s head off the apron, and drops hard elbows onto Morrison before letting him roll back into the ring and going for another cover. Morrison kicks out at two again, and Sheamus puts him in another submission. Morrison fights to his feet, and then out of the hold, fighting back against Sheamus with quick punches and kicks. Morrison pulls Sheamus out of the corner, and then goes for the flash kick, but Sheamus ducks it. Sheamus runs across the ring at Morrison, but Morrison pulls down the top rope and sends Sheamus out. Morrison then jumps out of the ring, attempting a suicide dive, but Sheamus plants his knees into Morrison’s ribs. Sheamus then plants Morrison onto the steel steps, ribs-first, and rolls him into the ring. Sheamus gets ready to use the Brogue kick, but Morrison fell onto his ass, and Sheamus just kicks him in the back. Sheamus then puts Morrison on the top of the turnbuckle and climbs up after him, because this always ends well, , but Morrison drops onto the steps and puts Sheamus’ face into the steel post before hitting something I missed and winning.

John Morrison wins via pinfall.

Now we’re reminded of McGuillicutty’s initiation into Nexus, then Husky’s initiation, and then Otunga’s demise at the hands of The Big Show.

Punk is holding onto two Singapore canes, and says that Otunga did well and is in. Punk says that Slater and Gabriel’s initiations… He’s not going to beat them with the kendo sticks, my bad, and Punk says that they’re going to beat each other with the kendo sticks until he tells them to stop. Punk says he’s serious, and neither one looks like they want to do it, and this is going to be an EPIC LIGHTSABER DUEL! Neither one moves to do anything, and Punk just watches like, “you fucking babies” before he stops them. Punk says that if they’re not in, they’re out. He expects home runs from all his soldiers, so swing for the fences. Slater and Gabriel look at the frustrated Punk, weapons in hand, and Punk asks them if they’re going to hit him, then tells them to do it. They both drop the Kendo sticks, and then walk out of the locker room.

@TKeep123 Please…PLEASE hit Punk with those sticks! Get some balls! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@HitTheRopes It’s a light sabers duel. #StarWarsMeetsWWE

@Niki_Sushi Awwww! I’m so proud of Justin! Punk kinda looked like he was gonna eat their faces, though. #RUNFORTHEHILLS #BWF #RAW

@stephensonmc @JustinG_Nexus twirled his kendo stick like he was Obi-Wan #Raw

@YourBoyDrew So is anyone else convinced CM Punk runs a BDSM dungeon somewhere?

The first inductee into the Hall of Fame class of 2011 is about to be announced!

Jerry Lawler is in the ring and says that the greatest accomplishment of his career was being inducted into the Hall of Fame. So many individuals, even in childhood, dream of competing in the ring, and less that 100 of them have been inducted into the Hall of Fame. Hall of Famers share qualities like skill, drive, determination, charisma, and the respect of the WWE Universe, and the inductee he’s about to name, has earned the respect of the WWE Universe. He deserves, more than any other, to be a first ballot nominee. And it is the Heart Break Kid Shawn Michaels.

I think I’m cute… I know I’m sexy…

Holy shit, Shawn is there. I hate them right now. But it’s a personal thing. Just ignore me now.

Shawn takes the mic and motions for silence, but a one more match chant start-

Del Rio walks out, obviously not even caring. HE says his name is Alberto del Rio, and Shawn stares at him. Del Rio says that we already know that, and he, he is Shawn Michaels, the Heart Break Kid, the Legend, the Icon, the Showstopper. These people used to cheer Shawn. An HBK chant starts. Del Rio says but now, they cheer him. Which is greeted by a giant boo. It’s simple, del Rio says, that he’s the present and the future of the WWE. And Shawn is just history. After del Rio wins the Royal Rumble match, he’s going to win the Heavyweight or the WWE title, and after that, he will be known as the New Mr. Wrestlemania. And Shawn says nothing, just gives him a good dose of Sweet Chin Music. He then pockets his microphone like a gun, and makes sure his shoe isn’t scuffed up. Shawn then takes the scarf and dances his way back up the stage.

@FrankWWEClown Congratulations to @ShawnMichaels_ Can’t wait to be there live to see one of my childhood heros get inducted. #HBK #WWE #RAW

@Lunna1969 Omg I’m actually crying cause I’m so happy! Congrats @ShawnMichaels_

@TKeep123 HBK into the #WWE Hall of Fame! Works for me! Well deserved! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@CMPunkSays I am grinning my face off. #HBK #WWE

@Niki_Sushi I just joygasm’d right here. Very few people have done everything Shawn did and incited the same love and adoration he has. #ThankYouShawn

@Niki_Sushi Shawn, keep that scarf. You’ll need it for the weather down there. #BWF #RAW

@HitTheRopes Shawn Michaels didn’t plan on going hunting but he just bagged himself a wild Del Rio.

@KeepItFiveStar Alberto Del Rio and his scarf just got Sweet Chin Music! That’s unfair. The scarf had nothing to do with this!

@TKeep123 Is there anyone that doesn’t see Sweet Chin Music in ADR’s future? #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Saiyavenger Sweet Chin Music. Still epic in ways even complex flippy-dippy finishers only wish they could be.

@RingsideRants ADR had time to shower and put a suit on after his match, but Otunga couldn’t even change his shirt?

Riley is excited about Lawler and Orton being in the ring at the same time, but Miz doesn’t seem excited, and asks what’s wrong with Miz. Miz says that in two week’s time, he’s attacked a Hall of Famer and defended his title in a match that people should be talking about. But no, people are talking about Randy Orton. People are saying that it’s a fact that Randy will win The Miz’ championship at the Royal Rumble. NO matter what he does, people won’t give him the respect that he has earned. Tonight, in their match, he doesn’t just want to beat them, he wants to demoralize, embarrass, and hurt them, so they can show the world that the only fact is that he’s going to be the WWE Champion for a very, very long time. Alex starts to say his catchphrase, but Miz stops him and says that catchphrases are for closers, and he won’t’ say it until after he finishes Randy Orton tonight

Cole is in the ring and says that they are about to be joined by John Cena. Two weeks ago, John Cena was assaulted by the new Nexus and their soon-to-be new leader, CM Punk. Punk interrupts from on top of the tron, which is pretty badass. Punk says that they are through talking about John Cena, and this is the CM Punk show now. What he wants to talk about is the new Nexus. What tonight has shown is that McGuillicutty, Harris, and Otunga have proven themselves strong enough to be in the new Nexus. They sacrificed themselves through their initiations, and now he is prepared to do the same. His initiation will be the ultimate sacrifice, and it is his hope and dream that through his sacrifice, it will prove that not only was he a member of Nexus, but he was their leader. Should he dive off this tro- Jesus Christ Nashville wants death. Fucking hell. Punk asks if he should break every bone in his body, rupture every muscle, and Matthews says no. So do I. Punk spreads his arms, and pauses. He says there’s one question he needs to ask: How gullible are all of you people? He’s wearing a bright yellow harness. He has two guys spotting him. He’s safer there than anyone in their seats. He then says what kind of an idiot jumps off the tron? Consider themselves initiated, Nashville, they are all the biggest, mindless, group of sheep – JERICHO! – he has ever seen in his entire life. The injured, but members, of Nexus make their way out to the ring, short Gabriel and Slater.

Punk is in the ring now and says that if anyone watching actually thought he was going to jump off the tron, they are stupid. He takes off his shirt, and says that as we can see, he’s wearing a safety harness, and then says that someone who would consider doing such a rash thing, is mentally challenged (still hating on Jeff Hardy! =D), and he is mentally superior. There’s never been a thought in his mind to jump off the tron, he doesn’t need their approval or initiations, and he is the leader of the new Nexus. Punk says that Cena is no longer there. He got rid of Cena.

Cena’s voice comes and Cena says that he’s there, on that big screen you were gonna jump off of. Cena proceeds to insult him and that kind of thing, and says that he is wasting everyone’s time. Why would he bother to give the new Nexus a physical imitation? He’s already given them one. He said he would get his hands on each and every member of the Nexus, and he di-wait. There’s a new member he hasn’t managed to initiate, and that’s CM Sucks. Punk says he’s not afraid of John, and he will not stand in his ring on his show and be intimidated by John. John says prove it. Next week, CM Sucks faces John Cena in a match. Punk says that he accepts. Cena says he was hoping that Punk would. All those things Punk has been saying about Punk, they’re right. If you provoke him, he’s the most animalistic, brutal, violent, physical man on the planet. That means, next week, Punk gets dealt with. As sure as Cena wears purple and the sun rises in the morning, Punk gets dealt with. Next week, it’s not about t-shirts and armbands, it’s about him whooping Punk’s ass.

Up next, the WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley will take on Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton.

@Niki_Sushi What kind of idiot jumps off the Tron?! Me: Jeff Hardy? #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar “What kind of an idiot jumps off the tron?!” Jeff Hardy

@kickoutblog Punk is gonna Shane-O-Mac it up there.

@CMPunkSays I really wish John Cena wouldn’t bury the best thing in the WWE. That’s just… it’s just wrong.

@ThingsColeSays “CM Sucks” has to stop.

@kickoutblog John Cena’s been watching George Carlin.

@JonHexLives It’s like indie Punk has come back. #WWE #RAW #BWF

AWESOME!

The WWE Champion The Miz and Alex Riley vs Jerry “The King” Lawler and Randy Orton

Alex Riley and Jerry Lawler start the match, and Lawler goes for Miz, who jumps off the edge of the ring. Riley takes advantage and knocks Lawler down. Riley tags Miz in and Miz knocks Lawler across the ring. Lawler gets Miz down on the mat and begins to pound him. Miz runs out of the ring, but Lawler follows closely. Lawler then bounces Miz’ head off the announce table before sending him into the apron, and then into the steel steps. Miz rolls into the ring off a punch in the face, and then Miz sends his elbow into Lawler’s face and tags in Riley. Lawler sends Riley to the ground and tags in Orton. Riley backs away from Orton who follows, upper cutting him in the corner. The ref has to forcibly remove Orton from Riley, and Orton goes back, Whipping Riley across the ring, only to get a kick to the stomach. Miz is tagged in and hit with a clothesline before Orton stomps on Miz’ face once, then again. Orton then stomps on his stomach and steps on him, tagging in Lawler. Lawler gets Miz to his feet and punches Miz to his knees, twice, three times. King proceeds to unload on Miz in the corner, the referee having to force Lawler off. Miz retaliates with a kick to the face, and then goes over Lawler and punches him repeatedly, having to be forced off by the ref. Miz then sends Lawler to the mat before putting him in a headlock. Lawler fights up to his feet, but gets a knee to the midsection for his troubles. Miz then hits his swinging corner clothesline, sending Lawler face first into the mat.

@KeepItFiveStar C’mon Randy Orton. How you gonna wipe your mouth before coming out to wrestle? Didn’t wash your hands or anything.

We come back to Riley dominating over Lawler, and Riley runs shoulder first into the turnbuckle as Lawler rolls over, and nearly goes to tag in Miz. Riley runs to Lawler, and gets punched in the face for his troubles. Lawler reaches for Orton, but Riley tries to get Miz. Riley manages to tag Miz in, and Lawler technically tags in Orton, but Orton never saw it. Miz sets up the Skull Crushing Finale, but Orton gets in and manages to hit the RKO. Lawler goes for the cover as Orton hides behind the apron, and Riley breaks it up. Riley makes Miz tag him in, but Lawler manages to tag in Orton. Orton hits the scoop slam, and then the back breaker on Riley, all the while, keeping an eye on Miz too. Riley rolls under the ropes, but Orton grabs him and hits that DDT. He then hits the mat and sets up for the RKO. Miz tries to sneak in, but Orton sees him, and Miz slips back out. Riley stands up and tries for something, but Orton hits the RKO. Orton keeps his focus on Miz. Orton moves back and tags in Lawler while Orton stares at Miz. Lawler then drops his right hand on Riley for the win.

Randy Orton and Jerry “The King” Lawler win via pinfall.

Next week, CM Punk and John Cena will finally face off!!

Tonight’s RAW was made up for by the fact that del Rio got Sweet Chin Music’d by Shawn Michaels. And… I wasn’t fond of the main event, but I’m starting to get sick of Jerry wrestling. It’s a personal thing, I suppose. Anyway. We’ll see what happens next week! Later!

Rich Flynn’s “Smackdown” Report 12/17/10

December 18, 2010 4:59 pm 5 Comments

Hey guys! Rich Flynn here once again. Thanks to Drowgoddess for posting these reports on my behalf until I’m up-and-running.

So, let’s get this show on the road! (more…)

RAW 12.6.10

December 6, 2010 11:24 pm 10 Comments

It’s been a couple weeks since I last made a review, and I’d like to thank the boss man himself, ThinkSoJoE for covering the past two weeks for me! Now, next week is a special three-hour RAW (Jeez, these things are popping up everywhere! Old School, then King of the Ring, and now this!) that is dedicated to the Slammy Awards! But, we’re not there yet!

Tonight on Monday Night RAW, Randy Orton returns to the ring, Michael Cole must answer for his actions last week during the TLC match between Jerry “The King” Lawler and WWE Champion The Miz, and there’s supposed to be a Fatal Four Way match for the WWE Tag Team Championships?! Only way this can get better is if Jerry Lawler knocks Michael Cole out again!

Jerry Lawler and CM Punk are sitting together without Michael Cole!! The crowd chants for him, and Punk says that he thinks Lawler would have done it if it hadn’t been for Michael Cole.

Cole interrupts and comes out from the stage with a mic. He says that it is with the deepest remorse that he comes out tonight to try to explain his actions last week. He’s been wrestling with it all week long, and he doesn’t know why he did what he did. These people don’t understand how traumatic last week was for him. The hate mail that he received, how could everyone write those hurtful things about him? But, the one thing he won’t’ do is apologize for the way he feels about the Miz, because when The Miz started in this company, Cole was the only one who supported him. And when The Miz won the WWE Championship, it was like his own son had won the championship. So, Jerry, last week, when all this was going on in the ring, and Miz was down, and Jerry was climbing… Cole got caught up in the emotion of the moment. Jerry, because of that, that’s what he deeply regrets.

King picks up a mic and says that he really expected Cole to apologize, because Cole cost him the WWE Championship. Cole says he regrets his actions last week and asks if King has ever made a mistake, and says he made a mistake. King says that it may be a mistake, but he may have to go up there and finish what he started last week. He stands up, but Cole tells him to wait. Punk says he’s not going to stop King. Cole says they should talk about this like adults. The way he just acted, it rang a bell in Cole’s head. Cole believes the way that King just acted, King is as much to blame for last week as Cole is. Cole and King are supposed to report on the news, not make it. Last week, King made the news, King was the headline. King had to be Jerry “The King” Lawler one more time. He had to steal the spotlight, he couldn’t let The Miz have his one moment. King had to steal it from him. So, the more Cole thinks about this, he doesn’t think he owes King an apology. He thinks King owes him an apology. King says he’s going to come and give Cole what he thinks he owes Cole.

<YOU’VE GOT MAIL>

Punk says that he’ll handle it, since Cole’s scared to get out of the ring. Punk steps up to the podium and tells everyone hello. He says he’s always wanted to do it, then mocks Cole, much to everyone’s amusement.

“I am ordering a cease and desist on any physicality between Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler. Violation of this order will result in termination. What I would like right now is for Jerry to get in the ring and shake hands with Michael.”

Jerry starts toward the ring, and Punk says this isn’t worth King’s job. King gets in the ring, and shakes Cole’s hand. Cole walks away, but Jerry didn’t let go. King says no physicality. But, he thinks there’s someone in the back who may want to say something to him.

I hear voices in my head…

Randy walks out, Cole tries to leave again, but Lawler holds him there. Lawler finally lets Cole’s hand go, but keeps him in the ring anyway. Randy stands there, and Cole goes to leave, but Lawler makes him stay.

Orton says that he wants Cole to send a message to The Miz: Randy doesn’t blame him for cashing in when he did, because if the roles were reversed, he would have done the exact same thing. As a matter of fact, Randy and The Miz are a lot alike. The only difference is that Randy has proven that he has the ability to back up what he says in the ring. So, Cole, keep rooting for the Miz, Randy doesn’t care, because injured knee or not, he’s going to take back the WWE Championship from The Miz tonight.

AWESOME!

The Miz and Alex Riley walk out, with Lawler still keeping Cole in the ring, and Miz says that Randy used to be so original, so willing to stand on his own, but now he sounds like everyone else who is underestimating Miz. This past summer, they were both in the same Money in the Bank match. The only difference is Miz won and Randy lost. Now, Randy’s left standing there in the middle of that ring with nothing more than tough talk and an injured knee. Well, Miz stands on that stage, the new WWE Champion, and as far as Randy winning back his title tonight, yeeeah, that’s not gonna happen. Because, the RAW Gm already informed him that he successfully defended his title last week, he doesn’t have to defend it again until TLC in two weeks, against Randy. T he good news is that Randy’s knee is going to be all better, but it doesn’t make a difference, because Randy’s going to lose again. Randy says that it’s a great plan, but where are the seven guys who are going to beat him down before he faces him. Randy tells him not to look at Alex, because Riley doesn’t count as one. Riley says that that’s pretty funny coming from a guy on one leg. And even though The Miz doesn’t have to lower himself by facing Randy, Alex has five minutes to kill, and he’d like to challenge Randy Orton to a match. Randy says he doesn’t know what it is Alex just said, but he accepts. Miz says there’s one more thing Miz has to tell Randy, and that’s the stipulation for TLC. So, he’s going to think long and hard, because his decision is going to be just like him: Awesome. Randy says he’s looking forward to Miz’s decision, and for anyone out there who thinks he may be too injured to compete, there is one thing, injured knee or not, that he can still do very well. He then RKOs Michael Cole.

@kickoutblog Is CM Punk wearing a Charles Manson shirt? Brilliant. Take any concerns over last week’s wardrobe and crank it up to 11.

@JCenadotcom The announce table without Michael Cole? My God! You can tell Christmas is near. 🙂

@RingsideRants I will mark out so hard if Jim Ross comes out to announce tonight. #Raw

@WWEUniverse COLE SLAW, courtesy of @RandyOrton! #WWE

@Niki_Sushi Ah, Jerry. You’re a sneaky one, arentcha? RKO to the FACE! x3 #BWF #RAW

@Lunna1969 OMG!!! STFU COLE!!! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@TKeep123 Probably the biggest “YOU SUCK!” chant I’ve heard in many years…and all well deserved for… Michael Cole! #RAW #WWE #BWF

They play the video replay back, and Punk says that Cole tripped on his clown shoes right into an RKO. During the commercial, referees and staff had to help Michael Cole out of the ring. Josh Matthews joins Jerry Lawler and CM Punk ringside for commentary.

Ted DiBiase and Maryse vs United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Brie or Nikki Bella

Before the match one of the Bellas is already on Daniel’s arm, and the other one isn’t happy about it. But no one cares, because Maryse is in the ring.

DiBiase and Bryan start up, locking up for DiBiase to push him away. The other Bella heads down to the ring, and DiBiase keeps control of Daniel. Punk hopes another Maryse comes down, and so do I. Bryan gets control over DiBiase now, and Matthews calls Punk Miz. In the ring, the Divas are in, and Brie, I guess, gets advantage over Maryse, who goes for a cover, but Maryse kicks out. Maryse fights back, dropping Brie hard. Maryse seems to have hurt herself, and yells at DiBiase, then at Brie. She goes for a clothesline, but misses, only for Brie to go for a cover. DiBiase breaks it up, and Nikki switches while Maryse yells at Bryan, who is distracting the ref. Nikki goes for a small package and gets it for the win. Shit match, gonna be honest.

United States Champion Daniel Bryan and Nikki Bella win via pinfall.

Brie and Nikki seem to be working together again, and in the ring, Maryse and DiBiase fight, but Maryse puts her hand in his face, and walks away. He glares after her.

Coming up, Gabriel and Slater take on the Usos, Kozlov and Marella, and Henry and Tatsu for the WWE Tag Team Championships, and an exclusive interview with Wade Barrett.

Next week is a special three-hour RAW for the Slammy Awards!

@MattWRoberts I didn’t know Daniel Bryan was the guest host of Raw tonight!!! So cool!!

@RingsideRants Where is the anonymous GM for this Bella switch bullshit that happens every week? #LogicIsOverrated

@kickoutblog Good news: Daniel Bryan match without Michael Cole commentating. Bad news: it’s also a Bella match.

@seraphalexiel This is why Ted should’ve stuck with Virgil.

Now, the Wade Barrett interview, via satellite. Otunga, however, tells us that Barrett’s on his way to the arena for Slater and Gabriel’s title match. Matthews asks what they’re strategy is for taking out Cena, but Otunga says he’s not going to tell him that. They do have a plan, and Cena’s going to pick them off one by one, but the Nexus is going to stay united. Someone knocks, and Otunga says that the interview is over. He jerks the door open, and Otunga gets onto him for taking forever, and then says that he’s not paying for cold food. Someone knocks on the door again, and Otunga answers, only for it to be Cena. Harris, I believe, attacks Cena, but Otunga gets away. Cena proceeds to rip Harris apart, and then chases after Otunga.

@KeepItFiveStar Oh David Otunga, didn’t you learn anything from Edge and Lita?

@Niki_Sushi My poor Justin. :< I’ll play nurse for you. :3 #BWF #RAW

@TKeep123 Thanks, David, you stay in the hotel room….Room Service for you! Bet You Can’t SEE Housekeeping! #RAW #WWE #BWF

@HitTheRopes Yo, Nexus gets a new shirt like every other week now. #wwe

@kickoutblog Dear WWE Superstars: never invite a camera crew to your home or hotel room… it’s a guaranteed ass kicking.

We get back, and David Hart Smith is in the ring! Josh Matthews says he’s been waiting for this match for quite some time, but… they just fought on Superstars!

David Hart Smith vs Tyson Kidd

Tyson walks down to the ring with some tall ass- OMG! This is the guy that beat Goldust in the pre-RAW match when I was in Orlando! He’s a good wrestler, guys, very strong. Did beat Goldust… Don’t remember his name. EDIT: Apparently, it’s Jackson Andrews

ANYWAY!

Kidd and Smith start out, and Smith keeps a quick advantage until Kidd kicks him in the jaw, but it doesn’t last and Smith throws him back in the ring. Kidd gets a great advantage using his speed and attacks with hard kicks before throwing him into the middle of the ring. He puts his knee in smith’s back and pulls his arms back, but Smith fights to his feet, only for Kidd to kick him. Smith hits a clothesline, then a flying shoulder, then a belly to belly throw across the ring. Kidd gets to his feet, but Smith runs into an elbow. Kidd goes up top, but Smith hits him hard. Smith climbs up too, and hits a superplex, going for the cover. Kidd kicks out at two, and then counters an Irish Whip into the clothesline. Kidd counters to a roll through and pins him.

Tyson Kidd wins via pinfall.

Smith runs out and attacks Kidd, but the big guy slams Smith into the barrier, then throws him into the ring and joins him. The new guy then clotheslines Smith to hell. Kidd climbs in, looking like friggin Hornswoggle next to this guy.

Axe Murderer Gabriel is backstage with Slater and Barrett, and says that they aren’t safe anywhere. Gabriel says that he’s not sure how well he can defend the title, but Barrett says not to be afraid, and in the long run, everything is going to work itself off. Otunga apparently ran all the way to the arena and says that Barrett’s plan didn’t work. Barrett says it was Otunga’s execution of the plan. Slater and Gabriel need to focus on defending the titles. Barrett looks at Otunga and says that he’s going to go to the ring and call out Cena, and tells him to watch, because then he’ll learn something about taking care of business. Otunga says that Barrett better, because if he doesn’t, he may have a mutiny on his hands.

@KeepItFiveStar LMAO. Otunga with his Kenyan 600 like speed.

@Niki_Sushi ‘It’d be hard to kidnap this guy!’ Naw…. you think? #BWF #RAW

@TKeep123 Damn, that hotel must be close by! Looks like Otunga ran the whole way! #RAW #WWE #BWF

@Lunna1969 Dude looks like he has roid rage! #WWE #RAW #BWF

Fatal Four Way Tag Team Elimination Match for the WWE Tag Team Championships
Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs. Jimmy and Jey Uso with Tamina vs. Yoshi Tatsu and Mark Henry vs. The WWE Tag Team Champions Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater

Wonder how Tamina will affect Santino’s chances… But, at least with this, we all know who will win.

Justin and Tatsu start out, locking up with Gabriel getting an advantage. Tatsu puts him in a headlock, no doubt causing a problem for Gabriel’s sore neck, but Tatsu ducks every move Gabriel throws at him. Tatsu hits a spinning heel kick and goes for a cover, but Gabriel kicks out. Gabriel fights back with a kick to the gut and tags in Slater, who is thrown to the ground. Tatsu then puts him in a submission (arm bar? I missed it), and Mark Henry is tagged in. Heath quickly tags in one of the Usos, who won’t get in, until Henry drags him in by his hair. Henry then punches Jey, apparently, in the head and drops him to the ground. Henry tags Tatsu back in and holds Jey as Tatsu plants his feet in Jey’s chest. Jey runs Tatsu into the corner and tags in Jimmy. Tatsu is being abused in the corner, and Jey is tagged in, and they hit their team finisher thing, and take Henry off the apron with a double baseball slide. Heath tags himself in through whichever Uso is in, and then goes for a cover on Tatsu, who cannot kick out.

Mark Henry and Yoshi Tatsu are eliminated.

The Usos come back in and really give it to Slater, who kicks out of the cover. Slater fights back, however, and the other Uso tags himself in, both of them dropping Slater. Gabriel breaks up the cover with a kick to the head. Uso then drops Slater to the mat, but Slater gets up, fighting back. Vladimir tags himself in using Heath to do so and proceeds to man handle everyone, knocking Slater and Gabriel and the other Uso off the apron, and then pinning him.

Jimmy and Jey Uso are eliminated.

So, it’s now Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs. Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater. Tamina stays with Santino, interestingly enough, and Gabriel works on weakening Kozlov’s leg. Gabriel goes for the cover, but Kozlov kicks out at two. Gabriel tags in Slater, who goes to town on Kozlov. The ref pushes him away, and Gabriel works on Kozlov. Kozlov whips Slater away and then head butts him. Santino comes in and suplexes Slater, who doesn’t like it much and lays Santino down. Gabriel is tagged in, and kicks Santino right in the face. Gabriel goes for a cover, but Santino kicks out. Tamina is still in the corner of Santino and Kozlov. Slater yells at the crowd to shut up, but in the ring, Santino’s fighting his way out of Gabriel’s headlock thing, and then flips Gabriel over him. Gabriel kicks him in the head, but Santino kicks out of the following cover at two. Nexus continues to tag in and out, keeping Santino in his corner, . Once again, Slater distracts the ref and Gabriel takes the time to attack Santino.

@HitTheRopes LOL, my brother is enamored by Tamina. Is contemplating how it must be to be with a woman that muscular

@Lunna1969: I like Yoshi but seeing him with Mark Henry is making me miss @findevan (Evan Bourne) a lot! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@KeepItFiveStar What kind of “Dogpile on the rabbit” move was that, Heath Slater?!

@kickoutblog If the ring blew up right now, WWE would no longer have a tag team division.

@Niki_Sushi I would rather hear Santino sing to his theme song than R Truth…. rap? his. #BWF #RAW

We come back to Gabriel trying to keep Kozlov out of his own corner. It doesn’t work, however, and Santino gets in to fight Gabriel. I see @FrankWWEClown’s wing. Santino gets Gabriel on his back with a hip toss, and then a head butt. Santino then punches Gabriel in the stomach and when he goes for a cover, Slater comes in to break it, and Kozlov goes out of the ring to get Slater away. Cena distracts Gabriel, who is hit with the Cobra for the win.

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov win via pinfall and are the new WWE Tag Team Champions.

Tamina gives Santino a congratulatory kiss, and the three of them do the trumpet thing in the middle of the ring.

Still to come, Randy Orton is going to decimate Alex Riley, but up next is King Sheamus’ Coronation Ceremony!

@TKeep123 I told ya!!!!!! FEAR THE COBRA!! FEAR THE COBRA!! FEAR THE COBRA!! FEAR THE COBRA!! FEAR THE COBRA!! New Tag Champs! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@LadySwagger6 John Cena, you wore that outfit to RAW last week.

@KeepItFiveStar Tamina is definitely Snuka’s daughter. She hates shoes.

@kickoutblog DID SANTINO JUST THROW A STUNNER?!

By the way, everyone, in two weeks is WWE’s Tribute to the Troops featuring Diddy’s Dirty Money, Trace Adkins, Sherri Shepard, and whoever Miss USA was from last week. Because I didn’t care enough to pay attention to her name…

It’s a shameful thing, lobster head… Too many limes, too many limes…

Sheamus comes out with a wicked looking crown. I want it.

Sheamus says it’s good to be king. He says when he won King of the Ring least week, he didn’t just win the tournament, he restored credibility to the crown. He’s far superior to all of the peasants in the arena, and he’s a better fighter than anyone across the universe, he’s the man who ended Triple H’s career, the King of Kings. He kicked him off this throne, and became the new high king. The last high king of Ireland was a guy named Bryan something, and he fought for Ireland. He was feared and respected all across the land, but in the end, at the battle of some place, he fell and was defeated, and that will never happen to him, because his reign will live forever. He’s better than the best, and will not be remembered as Ronald McDonald or Conon O’Brien, but as the greatest high king in history.

Now listen, this ain’t no make believe…

Morrison says that if Sheamus was going to go this route, why not go all the way? Get some goblins, elves, gnomes, a satyr, even (the half-man, half-goat thing). Morrison says it could escort him to the ring and afterward, they could hang out. Sheamus says that he knows why Morrison is out there, Morrison is jealous. Morrison is jealous that Sheamus is a two-time WWE Champion, and that he’s the King of the Ring, and Morrison isn’t and never will be. Morrison is jealous that Sheamus has achieved more in the past two years than in his whole career, and that Sheamus is simply the better man. Morrison says that Sheamus is right: he’s achieved more and has more accolades. He’s a former WWE Champion, the King of the Ring, and last time Morrison checked, Morrison won at Survivor Series, and Sheamus beat him last week, but the score is tied and Morrison is the better man. Sheamus laughs and says that Morrison is a funny man. If Morrison’s sense of humor matched his in ring ability, he’d be wearing the crown, but he isn’t and he isn’t. And, from now on, Sheamus wants Morrison to refer to him either as ‘Your Highness’ or the High King of the WWE. But, what Sheamus wants most, is to send an example to his loyal subjects across the WWE Universe. He wants Morrison to get down on his hands and knees and bow to his king. Morrison says that he’s not going to do that, and that in this business there are no guarantees, but Morrison has one for him: Morrison will never bow down to King Sheamus.

Sheamus attacks Morrison and demands he get down, and Morrison punches him and attacks. Morrison just keeps going after Sheamus, and Morrison uses Sheamus’ own scepter and throne against Sheamus.

Tonight, Wade Barrett is going to call out John Cena and end things once and for all.

@kickoutblog King Sheamus will have the last laugh when he orders John Morrison to be beheaded

@TrueKofi what in the hell is sheamus wearing?!

@HitTheRopes Cut the jokes? Was that what Morrison was attempting to make there?

@Niki_Sushi Oh god. He called himself Ronald McDonald. My life is complete. #BWF #RAW

@KeepItFiveStar Story time with King Lobster Head

@JonHexLives: Is he a king or a wizard? #WWE #RAW #Sheamus

@TKeep123 Sheamus looks like Adam Savage on sterioids! ( #MythBusters ) #WWE #RAW #BWF

Diva’s Champion Natalya vs. Melina

Lay-Cool are ringside, invited by Michael Cole. Lawler sums up my thoughts: Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma?

Natalya starts dominating Melina, lifting Melina up and holding her up, and Punk tells everyone to shut up. Natalya goes for a cover, but Melina gets out and attacks Natalya back, slamming Natalya down onto her knees. Melina wraps her legs around Natalya’s middle, but Natalya gets Melina’s shoulder’s down. Natalya hits the spinning clothesline thing on Melina and gets her in a corner, attacking her, only to run into both of Melina’s feet. Natalya drops Melina into a split, and then locks in the Sharpshooter. Melina fights not to tap, but she finally does.

Natalya wins via submission.

LayCool get up and head into the ring, attacking Natalya. Melina, however, keeps walking away.

Still to come, Randy Orton is going to destroy Alex Riley, and Wade Barrett calls out John Cena!

@KeepItFiveStar Nattie just clotheslined Melina’s Vocal Chords out! She will never shriek again.

@TKeep123 hmm..Melina vs. Natalya. I’m torn here…how about just lots of close wrestling, lots of pin attempts, then kiss & make up. #WWE #RAW #BWF

@RingsideRants Screaming before you do every move is a dead giveaway, Melina.

@kickoutblog LayCool vs. Natalya won’t end until LayCool get the belt back. It’s not like there are any other heel Divas for Natalya to work with.

@ThingsColeSays Is CM Punk gonna have to choke a bitch?

Don’t forget! Next Monday, RAW starts at 8/7 Central for the Slammy Awards!

Alex Riley and The Miz are backstage, and Alex Riley says that he won’t let Miz down. Miz says that Riley is representing The Miz and everyone’s talking about how he won. Not to mention, they’re treating it as the turning point of this company, and Riley needs to beat Randy Orton. Riley says that the only way Orton will leave Louisville on his hands and knees. The Miz says after that, he won’t tell Randy what match they’ll have at the pay-per-view, he’ll show him.

I hear voices in my head…

Randy Orton vs Alex Riley is up next.

@Niki_Sushi Mm-mm-mm. I love me some sexy man, and the sexiest just came on out. I’z happeh. Now I want him to slaughter an idiot… OH WAIT! #BWF #RAW

@ThingsColeSays Did Miz just quote HBK? “Look in my eye!” bwhahahahahahaahahhahha

@kickoutblog This week’s Miz suit < last week’s Miz suit.

@kickoutblog At least Dennis Miller won’t be anywhere near this year’s Slammy Awards.

@Lunna1969 I so volunteer to be the person that oils Randy up!!! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@TKeep123 Amazing how entertaining this night has been WITHOUT Michael Cole on commentary! #WWE please take note! #RAW #BWF

AWESOME!

Randy Orton vs. Alex Riley with WWE Champion The Miz

The Miz is standing in Riley’s corner as this match begins, and Orton gets distracted by him right away, allowing Riley to focus on the knee again. Orton fights back, however, and throws Riley in the corner, getting forcibly moved away from the corner by the ref. Orton’s down, and Riley goes for a cover, but Orton kicks out. Riley stays focused on the injured knee. Randy gets back up and hits a suplex on Riley. Orton gets up again and hits Riley a few times, getting his momentum back. He hits an inverted atomic drop followed by a clothesline, and then his scoop slam. Riley rolls around the ring in pain for a minute, and manages to roll under the bottom rope, like an idiot. Orton hits that second rope DDT that we all love and then glares at Miz before flipping around and slamming onto the mat, pounding down. He gets up to hit it, but The Miz comes in and hits the Skull Crushing Finale.

Randy Orton wins via disqualification.

The Miz demands a microphone and says that he is going to show Orton what stipulation they are going to have at the pay per view. He goes under the ring and pulls out a table. He sets it up, scares the ref away (earning a laugh from me), and then lifts Randy up by his ears. Randy fights back, however, and goes to throw Miz into the table, but Miz gets out of it and flees the ring, leaving his rookie in the ring. Orton realizes this and turns his gaze to Riley. He picks Riley up, and then Batista Bombs power bombs Riley right through the table.

Barrett makes his way to the ring, and tells Otunga to make sure the rest of the guys are ready.

@KeepItFiveStar That might be the first time I’ve seen Randy Orton do a powerbomb…EVER!

@TKeep123 MIZ declares, It’s a BEVERAGE MATCH! OOPS, wrong side of the ring…. It’s a Tables Match! #WWE #RAW #BWF

@Niki_Sushi I love how there’s a refreshment box under the ring. #BWF #RAW

@Fullmetal_Ninja: #WWE #RAW A-Ri is gonna get his A-Hole ripped.

Another reminder of the Slammy’s. Seriously, just scroll up.

Barrett makes his way to the ring, hopefully with Otunga already having prepped Nexus to come out. Barrett says that he’s about to admit to something he’s never admitted to in his life: he got it wrong. He assumed that Cena was a man of his word, but we all know the stipulation from Survivor Series: it was free or fired, not free or turn up at RAW and attack the Nexus at will. It was free or fired and Cena was fired. If Cena had one ounce of integrity in his body, he’d never show his face here again. Barrett says that Cena can attack the rest of Nexus as much as he wants, but Nexus can’t get him hired, only Barrett can. With that being said, Barrett wants to invite Cena out to the ring now, from wherever it is he’s hiding, because there’s something he wants to get off his chest. Barrett tells Cena not to be shy, and Cena appears in the audience, high fiving people and making his way to the ring. Punk tells security they have a jumper, and I laugh.

Nexus comes out when Cena gets to the ring, with an apparently much better Harris. Barrett says that he’s allowed Cena out to the ring, but if Cena puts a foot out of line, or threatens him, Nexus will beat Cena within an inch of his life. Cena says okay. Barrett tells Cena that the WWE Universe can cheer as much as they want, but it doesn’t help. He knows that Cena has problems understanding him, so he’s going to say it slowly, and Cena can read his lips: This is not going to work. Barrett will never rehire him. Cena laughs before talking. He tells Barrett that he’s stupid, then mocks him. Cena says that being fired actually isn’t that bad. Technically, he’s not a WWE Superstar, but he’s part of the WWE Universe, and he still has a lot of friends, and he can tailgate with the WWE Universe, and they’re crazy. And best of all is that he has so much time on his hands that he can think of making the Nexus’ lives hell. Cena says at least Heat and Justin didn’t lose to Santino and the Cobra (oh wait), and then asks how the beatdowns last week were. And he asks how David and ‘Hasky’s’ room service was. Cena says that he’s perfectly content with staying fired, buying a ticket to ever RAW, and making the lives of every Nexus member miserable. So, Mr. Barrett, he doesn’t want to rehire Cena? Cena could care less. Cena asks fi they’re done, because he has to go party. Barrett says that he may be out to intimidate the rest of the Nexus, but he can’t intimidate Barrett. Barrett asks what insurances that the attacks are going to stop. Cena sys that if he was rehired, he’d have so much room for activities, compete in matches, have his own talk show, or he could compete for the WWE Championship. Cena says the reason he never thought of it is because he doesn’t have the WWE Championship. If Barrett keeps him fired, and all he has to do is buy a ticket and ruin his life. Cena says that if Barrett has the guts to hire him back, the attacks on Nexus may stop, but his attacks on Barrett will not. He deserves payback, and payback is what he will get. If Barrett was a man of honor and integrity, he’d rehire Cena on the spot, and they’d end it tonight. And if Barrett doesn’t, Cena’s going to get him, but Barrett will never know when or where, but it will happen. And it’s not just going to be once, he won’t stop. Every single day that Barrett is in the WWE, Cena makes it his promise that his life will be a nightmare. Barrett says that that sounded like a threat and tells Nexus to extinguish this man.

Nexus doesn’t move.

Barrett continues to tell them to come down to the ring, but Harris walks backstage, followed by Slater, Gabriel, and finally, Otunga, who all ignore repeated orders to return to the ring. Cena then tackles Barrett and chases him, hurling him into the steel steps. Cena pulls them away from the ring, and Punk tries to protect his diet soda. Punk says flat out that he’s moving. Cena gives Punk his soda this time, but Punk doesn’t seem to care. Barrett is lifted onto Cena’s shoulders, and climbs the steps, but Barrett takes off running, managing to make it out of the ring and up the ramp. The sound guys didn’t get the memo, and play Cena’s music. Cena offers Punk one of his wristbands, but Punk throws it away.

Barrett moves backstage and sees Nexus, and yells at all of them. Otunga stands there and says that Barrett may not be giving them orders anymore. Next week, Barrett either hires Cena back, or he’s kicked out of Nexus. Barrett says they have to be kidding, but the other members of Nexus gang up on him.

I’m sorry everyone, but the only image the website would let me post was the Blinded by Nexus one. xP I’ll try to get more of them up next week!!

This Cena angle is so much better than the Juan Cena angle and I’m happy I did not have to see that. So, next week, RAW starts at 8/7 Central and is the Slammy Awards!! Maybe I can talk ThinkSoJoE into helping me with our very own awards (that may come a few weeks later). Who knows? Stay tuned!

And I’m ending with a random thought: If Alex Riley can be called A-Ri, can I be called A-Kat?? Ahaha. Ignore that.

Tag Archive: Video Package

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