Rich Flynn’s “Smackdown” Report 12/17/10By Drowgoddess · · 5 Comments
Hey guys! Rich Flynn here once again. Thanks to Drowgoddess for posting these reports on my behalf until I’m up-and-running.
So, let’s get this show on the road!
Last week: Kane accidentally pushed his father over a balcony, Chavo Guerrero got a match on TV, and the Soaring Eagle stole the show. That last part may or may not be true. Anyway…
This week’s SmackDown! is taking place in The Cajundome, which has to be one of the most awesome arena names I’ve ever seen. We start the show with The Rated R SOOOOperstar making his way to the ring, as Michael Cole introduces himself at ringside with his two Slammys. In the ring, Edge gets on the mic and says the last four weeks with Kane have been too bizarre for words. I can vouch for that; writing about all these wheelchairs and dummies and wild goose chasing segments has been testing on my sanity. Anyway, Edge explains that, as there are no words in the English language to explain just how bizarre it’s all been, he’s put together a video package instead.
The video package features the Benny Hill music. No, seriously. There’s also lots of goofy, slapstick sound effects like rapid footsteps as Edge runs around with the wheelchair. JUST A FEW MORE DAYS, GUYS. TLC IS SO CLOSE, I CAN ALMOST TASTE IT.
Back to the ring, and Edge says he’d be thankful if he could forget all that ever happened. Amen, brother. He goes on to say that, after years of Kane wreaking havoc in the WWE, it was finally time for someone to face him at his own game. Did Edge go too far? Maybe he did, but he reckons the end justifies the means. And at TLC, he’s going to climb that ladder, rung by rung, and become a ten-time world champion.
Ad break time now, and when we return, we’re backstage with Teddy Long who is soon joined by Edge. Long story short (and I swear that was an unintentional pun, playas…), Teddy explains that Kane might not even return to the WWE after what happened to Paul Bearer last week. Edge says that he doesn’t want to win the World Heavyweight title by forfeit, so what should they do? Enter Alberto Del Rio and Rey Mysterio in quick succession, who start barking at each other in Spanish over who deserves a title match more. Teddy reveals that if Kane doesn’t show up at the PPV, then there will be a Triple Threat TLC match for the title: Edge, Del Rio and Mysterio. If Kane does end up appearing, well, the match will become a Fatal Four Way bout.
Adding Del Rio and Mysterio into this match makes it infinitely more interesting, especially considering how lacklustre Edge and Kane’s matches have been throughout this program. The outcome of this match is now up in the air, but I still reckon Edge is favourite to take the belt. I think it’s safe to say that, even if Kane shows up, he’ll be dropping the belt on Sunday.
Kofi Kingston/Kaval vs. Dolph Ziggler/Jack Swagger: Michael Cole can add the prestigious ‘Goof of the Night’ award (which I totally didn’t just make up) to his two Slammys – during Ziggler’s entrance, he hits out with this gem: ‘Am I the only person out here that is concerned a little bit about the mental kate of Stane?’. D’oh. Anyway, we get a recap of last week’s Intercontinental bout, when Swagger stopped Kofi from taking the title. We’re reminded that at TLC, we will see those three men compete in a Triple Threat Ladder match. Wow, Kaval is really on the outside looking in here. Kingston is explosive in this match; a hot tag from Kaval sends him on an offensive flurry, where he almost gets the pin on Ziggler after hitting the S.O.S. Swagger prevents that with a break-up, and it’s Obligatory Tag Match Breakdown Time™! Swagger and Kaval scuffle their way over the ropes, whilst Kofi reverses Dolph’s Schoolboy and nails him with the Trouble In Paradise. Kofi gains momentum heading into TLC, but here’s hoping Dolph can retain the belt on Sunday…
Your winners: Kofi Kingston/Kaval.
We go backstage to find Jack Korpela. Jack Korpela?! Oh dear. Anyway, he’s interviewing The Miz, who is on SmackDown! tonight to face Rey Mysterio. Miz bleats on about his star-studded week. They’re really pushing this ‘most in-demand WWE champ ever’ thing at the moment. I’m willing to buy Miz as champ, but so far, his reign isn’t doing much for me. Here’s hoping his match with Orton at TLC is something to rave about.
‘Earlier This Week,’ Kelly Kelly and Kaitlyn are chatting backstage in front of a mirror. Drew McIntyre appears in the reflection behind Kelly, which is pretty creepy, to be honest. Kelly turns round, and Drew lets us Scots down with some horrendous grammar. ‘I seen the Slammys,’ Drew? ‘Seen’?! Tsk. Anyway, he says he was disgusted by what Tyson said to Kelly on RAW, and if Drew had been there, he’d have done something about it. Long story short, Drew asks Kelly out, but Kaitlyn reappears between the two and says the girls already have a plan. Unlucky, Drew. I have a feeling this is going to develop into a storyline which sees Drew and Kelly hook up, only for him to mistreat and berate her, allowing someone chivalrous to step in and be her hero.
Dashing Cody Rhodes vs. Chris Masters: A rematch-of-sorts from last week’s Masterlock Challenge. Just as I was thinking to myself how surprised I was at seeing Masters so regularly on SmackDown!, Rhodes counters a manoeuvre and lays him out with the Cross Rhodes. That was very quick.
Your winner: Dashing Cody Rhodes
Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz: More talk from Michael Cole about The Miz’s busy week and all of his 2010 credentials. Is it just me, or is all of this emphasis on how big a deal Miz is making him seem… less legitimate? All the same, Miz made my night by hitting a sweet dropkick on a downed Rey, smashing his ribcage into the steel post. Not too much to say about this match. Towards the end, Alex Riley distracts the ref, which allows Del Rio to appear and thwart Rey’s 619. Rey takes care of Alberto with a dropkick, and attempts a splash on Miz who manages to lift his knees. He rolls up Mysterio for the win. Del Rio leaps into the ring to beatdown Rey, but Edge makes the save. Miz and Edge start brawling, before A-Ry pulls the champ to safety. Teddy Long appears on the ramp and announces that tonight’s main event will be a tag match: Edge and Rey vs. The Miz and Alberto Del Rio.
Your winner: The Miz
Both members of LayCool may be holding Slammys, but neither of them seem too pleased tonight. Oh yeah! I forgot – they’ve been booked into a Divas Tag Team Table match against Natalya and Beth Phoenix at TLC. LayCool announce that they are officially protesting the match. Natalya’s music hits, and she and Beth appear with a table-shaped present in Christmas wrapping paper. I wonder what it could be? LayCool say that a Tables match isn’t ‘Diva’ – it’s a man’s match. Way to set your gender back a couple decades, ladies. Then again, says Michelle, if Nattie and Beth look like men and wrestle with the men, then maybe they belong in the men’s division. Meow. More cattiness ensues back and forth, before Beth reveals the pink table underneath the wrapping paper, which features a painted design of LayCool as witches. This is bizarre. LayCool have had enough, and start brawling with their rivals. Natalya and Beth set up the table and go to suplex Layla through, but Michelle makes the save. LayCool bail out of the ring, wailing as they go.
Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov vs. Chavo Guerrero/Tyler Reks: Wow, I’d kind of forgotten about Tyler Reks or, as I like to call him, ‘the male butterface of the WWE’. Anyway, the breakdown of this match is pretty obvious from the get-go: Kozlov takes Reks out of the equation, and Santino wins the match with The Cobra. Michael Cole summed up my feelings exactly during this bout – ‘Poor Chavo’. As much as I enjoy Santino and Kozlov, I feel sorry for Mr. Guerrero. He’s a rock-solid worker when he gets the opportunity. Definitely deserves better.
Your winners: Santino Marella/Vladimir Kozlov
Alberto Del Rio/The Miz vs. Rey Mysterio/Edge: There’s been way too much Edge tonight. I’m really cranky this week, aren’t I? I’m blaming it on the weather and the fact I’ve been taking a beating at the online poker tables recently. Let’s just say my dreams of becoming a millionaire are not as close as I’d like… Anyway. Main event time! Alberto Del Rio really shines in this match, which is the sort of thing I’ve been saying about him since his debut. It’s scary how well he fits into the company in general, and how comfortable a fit it is, considering he’s only been in the WWE for a matter of months. 2011 is gonna be an exciting year for him. Towards the end of this bout, Edge lays out Miz with his Impaler DDT (Edgecution?), but Del Rio is quick to break-up the pinfall. All of a sudden, we cut backstage to see a trail of carnage, including a number of beat-up lackeys, bathed in a red glow. Back to the ring, and Rey connects with a 619 on Miz. Edge swiftly follows up with a spear. He goes for a cover, but is stopped in his tracks by Kane’s pyro exploding at the top of the ramp. Kane immediately goes after Edge, whilst Del Rio takes out a distracted Rey. ‘The entire SmackDown! locker room’ descends upon the ring to separate Kane and Edge. They both fight through the swathes of men, and Kane takes Trent Baretta (‘TRENT BARETTAAAA!!’… sorry, has to be done) with a chokeslam. This gives Edge an opening, and he takes down the Big Red Monster with a Spear. And that’s the end of the show!
So, what will the TLC PPV bring us? While I can’t see The Miz dropping the title so soon, I think we will absolutely see a new World Heavyweight champ. Hopefully, Dolph Ziggler can continue his impressive run as Intercontinental champion, and maybe we’ll get a last-minute US Title match! No WWE PPV this side of summer has been complete without a Daniel Bryan bout.
Thanks for reading, folks! Hope to see you all next week for A Very SmackDown! Christmas! I’ll work on being less Grinchy before then…
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While I sympathize, I don't really think that too much Edge is a bad thing, considering what we COULD be getting instead. Edge actually kind of saved the whole ridiculous bit of kidnapping Paul Bearer and playing mind games with Kane in one promo. That's part of why he's awesome. I've heard that a face turn is in the works for Drew McIntyre, and I wish to the wrestling gods that ANY other Diva had been chosen for his attentions than Kelly Kelly. Makes me wonder if the original plan might not have involved Tiffany, and after firing her, WWE decided to go ahead with the plan and just replace her. That's kinda harsh. My main problem is that aside from Cole's comment about Paul Bearer's "demise," nothing at all was said as to precisely what happened to him. Is he dead? Is he crippled for life? Is he in an ICU in a coma? WWE is not treating it seriously at all. I've read that Vince basically hates Matt Striker now and I suppose that's why he has barely spoken at all recently. That's part of why Todd Grisham was fired, I hear. Vince seems to hate all the good announcers (JR, Striker, and so on), as if he himself hadn't been the worst announcer ever. I guess he honestly believes that he was better than them, and anyone who makes him look bad by comparison or doesn't go along with whatever he yells at them through the headset has to go. One would assume that Punk would be in the same boat, but word is that since Punk, like Miz, Cena, and HHH, devotes every second of his life to WWE and nothing else, Vince is impressed with him now. Le sigh.
Edge has a stock in DummyWheelChair Inc. according to Meltzer. Ha hahah…
I thought Edge's explanation for his actions to be kind of logical in his references of Kane's previous actions…. a historical motive, story or no story. But I also laughed my ass off when the Benny Hill hit in a moment of reactionary disbelief…. no they didn't actually really do that…. they did?
Rich, the use of "bleat" as a verb in relation to a retort by the Miz was very specific. And with the connotation it carries, I applaud you. He does bleat, doesn't he? Nice.
I dig your smarthy smarky take on Smackdown this week. There's all these bits like bad luck at poker, grammatical errors by Cole, love for Chavo (who I agree, can work), and so forth that kept me saying, "Fuck yeah! The new SD guy is kicking ass!" I will attempt to watch the PPV just because of the premise being TLC. Hopefully it doesn't repeat the 2006 December to Dismember. I sadly actually paid for that.
Haha, Gee, that really means a lot coming from you! I'm trying to put more of my personality into the reports, without coming across as too much of an asshole… It just tends to be the stupid stuff that gets me ranting the most!
I feel like I should be more excited about TLC than I actually am… Sure, there's a few real promising bouts on the card, but nothing to really get me going.
Normally I wouldn't complain about Edge featuring as much as he did this week, but I guess it's just because I've really not been digging this program with Kane. I'm normally a big Edge fan; though I have to admit, he's not really thrilled me in a while now.
Rant on brother, rant on! I haven't been writing these things very long myself, but have slowly began to find my own style and approach that works for me. I've noticed in the three weeks or so the same developing in your reviews. Roll with what you know, because each installment seems to me to be that much better than the last. If you make me laugh out loud, I'm going to tell you! Also, if for some reason I don't comment one week or something, I apologize in advance. I'm certainly enjoying this….
One of these days, we should collaborate on some SmackDown crazy smark fun. Also, if you haven't already, jump in on the SAY WHAT??? project with our own revered DrowGoddess. Unless of course you have ban-hammered TNA from your wrestling program viewing.
A collab would be excellent, bro. I keep meaning to set aside time to get involved in this SAY WHAT??? dealie; haven't seen TNA in a while but I do plan on catching up!
Cheers for the feedback!